


Then There Was One

by Leilatigress



Series: Chosen [3]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: DA II, F/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-02
Updated: 2015-06-22
Packaged: 2018-03-15 22:44:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 75
Words: 221,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3464798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leilatigress/pseuds/Leilatigress
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Terror, absolute wonderful and delicious terror. Carver and her had both been at Ostagar when Loghain had failed the king. With blades dripping more dark-spawn blood then she’d thought possible she had found Carver and told him they needed to leave. “Too many sister, I agree. Find Beth and let’s get out of here.” Hawke had found Bethany mere steps from her brother and the three had raced back to Lothering. Desperate fleeing men do terrible things, these men were no different as in their bid to get away from the Dark-Spawn they fell on each other. “Loose your magic sister.” Carver had asked and she did. </p><p>Second in the Chosen Series, Do not need to read Bodies and Flames to read this one. </p><p>Loosely follows Cannon. Usual Explicit rating applies for my work.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Carver finishes packing his bag and looks over his shoulder to check the progress of his sisters and mother. Shouldering the pack he heads to the crying woman and takes hers as well. “Stop crying mother, we need to get out of here soon.” His mother, Leandra smiles and nods her gray hair bobbing. Her cheekbones are high and her eyes are the same turquoise as his and his twin. All of them have black hair though his elder sister Tessa has gray eyes. “Bethany, let's go.” Carver grabs his father's staff and handing it to his twin. 

“Tess, you ready?” Leandra asks and gets a nod from her eldest.

“Let's go, we don't have much time.” Tessa indicates and they head out of the door into the madness of people fleeing the darkspawn horde. All of them automatically fall in behind Tessa, she who goes by Hawke their last name since their father died. Her father had always called her little Hawke though stopped with the little when she started blade training with her brother. Now she goes by Hawke and only her family calls her Tessa. As they flee they see the horde come into the town and they all turn away as they hear the screams of the villager unlucky enough to be caught.

They have been running for a while when Leandra begs for a respite. “Stop, where are we going? We cannot blindly run through the wilds.” All of her children crowd around her though Hawke stays slightly apart checking their back trail. 

“I don't know but anywhere is better than here.” Carver looks at Hawke for guidance. 

“Oh to lose everything. Your father.” 

“Would be happy we managed to live mother, we need to move.” Hawke remarks coldly and Carver cuts her a glance. 

“Kirkwall, we could go there. We have family there that is where we will go.” 

“Then I suggest we go.” Hawke starts moving again. They are facing darkspawn groups and Hawke's double swords find targets easily, Bethany casts fireball after winter grasp and Carver keeps it all clear with his two-hander. Leandra stays in the back trying to stay out of the way, she was never taught to fight.

When they reach a hill they see a woman using a blade along with a Templar. They watch as the Templar takes a blade to the stomach and drops his shield. Red-haired, band holding her hair away from her face she is dressed in medium armor she scoops up the fallen shield and kills the darkspawn that would attack the man. “They will not have you.” She says to the Templar. More darkspawn come and Hawke, Bethany and Carver wade into the fray. Hawke dances between her brother's target and the red head's while Bethany freezes and heals when she can. As they walk closer the red-haired woman is scolding the man. “Stop squirming Wesley, you'll make it worse.” 

“Apostate keep your distance.” Wesley regains his feet. 

“Well the Maker has a sense of humor after all.” Bethany crosses her arms and glares. “Darkspawn and now a Templar I thought they all abandoned Lothering.” 

“The spawn are always clear in their intent but a mage is always unknown.” Wesley tries brown eyes flashing. “The Order dictates.”

“Wesley” 

“The Order dictates.” Hawke has stepped between her sister and the Templar, Carver moves to stand just behind Hawke.

“Wesley, they saved our lives, the Maker understands. We can hate each other when we are out of this mess. By the way I'm Aveline.” Redhead introduces and Hawke nods. 

“Fine time to be hunting apostates.” Hawke is not letting the Templar off the hook.

“I was traveling to Denerim on official business when I had to turn south after Ostagar.” 

“Bad timing and judgment brought us together in Lothering.” Aveline shrugs. 

“For a while there it looked like we were the only ones to escape Lothering.” Hawke nods. 

“This is just the start, you weren't there at Ostagar.” Carver crosses his arms. 

“You were there, wait yes I see it. 3rd company under Captain Varel.” Aveline narrows her eyes and Carver nods. 

“Then you saw how the entire army was defeated.” 

“We fell to betrayal not numbers; this arm of the horde won't have that problem.” Aveline confirms. 

“Templars seem to be a bit tamer than I remember.” Bethany smiles as she says this. 

“So long as there are darkspawn between us and safety we have an accord.” Wesley acknowledges. 

“North is cut off; we barely escaped the main body of the horde.” Aveline points to where the horde is coming from. 

“Then we're trapped.” Carver is rocking up and down on his toes. 

“If our options are south or death, I will take my chances south into the wilds.” Hawke comments and starts moving forward. 

“I'm Leandra, that's Carver, Bethany and Hawke.” She indicates them each as they start moving with Aveline and Wesley.

Another hill and the ground is trembling. Aveline looks down and around trying to figure out where the noise is coming from. Then there is an ogre, he is taller than anything Hawke has ever seen before with two huge horns that branch off. It's skin is a pasty gray color and it roars at the group charging in. Wesley and Leandra are off to the side while the fighters figure out how to take this thing down. “Beth, freeze it if you can. Ava and Carver keep it busy.” Hawke is twirling her blades and getting a running start. Aveline sees what Hawke is up to and puts her shield down so Hawke puts a foot on it and the woman hefts her up through the air onto the Ogre. Carver is slicing and yelling at the monster as more darkspawn come up the hill. Bethany manages to slow the Ogre with her freeze spell and then casts a firestorm on the rest of the darkspawn. Hawke is stabbing her blades in as she makes it up the back to the monster's head. Ogre is trying to grab her but can't reach her as she reaches the head and stabs into the ear and head. It falls and Hawke rolls clear into a group of darkspawn. Aveline puts her shield between the monsters and Hawke long enough for the rouge to slide behind the monsters and start slicing.

When it looks like they are going to be overrun there is a roar and the scream of a dragon. All of them look in fear as the dragon roars and starts flaming everything and ripping apart darkspawn. When they are running the dragon glows and shifts, changing into a tall older woman as she is finished changing she has a darkspawn in her hand and discards it walking up to the group. Her hair is white though styled into horns and her armor is dark with studs in a tunic. Her arms and legs are clad in metal armor and Hawke steps forward blocking her family from the witch.

“Well well, what have we got here? Used to be we never got visitors to the wilds. Now it seems we are overrun.” The witch stops in front of them. 

“Impressive, where did you learn to turn into a dragon?” Hawke is truly impressed. 

“Perhaps I am a dragon; if so count yourself lucky the smell of burning darkspawn does nothing for the appetite. If you are trying to flee the darkspawn you should know you are heading in the wrong direction. I am Flemeth.” As she says this she walks over to the edge of the overlook they are on. 

“So you are just going to leave us here?” Carver is walking forward some. 

“And why not? I spotted a most curious sight, a mighty ogre vanquished I wondered who could perform such a feat? Now my curiosity is sated and you are safe for the moment.” As she admits this she turns to look at Hawke walking close to her. 

“You could show me that dragon trick, it looks useful.” Bethany asks and Flemeth laughs. 

“I daresay it is such a clever tongue for a mage.” She is smiling at Bethany. “Tell me clever child, how do you intend to outrun the blight?” 

“We're going to Kirkwall in the free Marches.” Carver admits when Hawke would stay silent.

“Kirkwall my that is quite the voyage you are planning to flee so far from the darkspawn.” 

“Any other suggestions, I hear the Deep Roads are vacant.” Hawke replies smiling. Flemeth laughs. 

“Oh you I like hurtled into the chaos and you fight, the world will shake before you.” Flemeth is thoughtful, walks away muttering to herself about fate and chance and then turns back to Hawke. 

“It would seem fortune has smiled on us both today. I may be able to help you yet.” 

“There must be a catch.” Hawke is always skeptically. 

“There is always a catch, life is a catch, and I suggest you catch it while you can.” Flemeth replies with a dismissive gesture of her hand. 

“Should we trust her? We don't even know who she is.” Carver asks.

“I know what she is, I know who she is she is the witch of the wilds.” Aveline is tending to Wesley who lies on the ground his wound and the sickness of it having laid him low. 

“Some call me that, others call me by different names even Flemeth. Does it matter? I offer your group this; I will get you off this mountain and past the horde in exchange for a simple delivery not far out of your way.” Flemeth looks at them her yellow eyes gleaming slightly. 

“What is a witch of the wilds?” Hawke asks warily. 

“Stealer of children, chastened legend. Magic users though not always for good.” Aveline informs them distractedly. 

“An apostate then?” Bethany asks and Flemeth nods as she says, 

“You and I have so much in common. What say you?” 

“Opinions?” Hawke usually makes the decisions is surprised the word pops out of her mouth. 

“Wesley is injured; he will not make it off this mountain without help.” Aveline admits. Rest of the group is quiet though nod in agreement with Aveline.

“Agreed, name where we are going.” Hawke turns to Flemeth when the decision is certain.

“There is a group of Dalish elves camped outside Kirkwall, deliver this amulet to their keeper Marathari. Do what she asks with it and any debt between us is paid in full. Before I take you anywhere there is another matter that must be settled.” As she says this she looks at Wesley who is coughing.

“No leave him alone.” Aveline says and Flemeth shakes her head. 

“What has been done to your man is already in his blood.” Flemeth is walking closer to Aveline. 

“You lie.” Aveline is anguished. 

“She's right my love, I can already feel the corruption in my blood.”

“What are you talking about?” Hawke is curious. 

“Taint in the blood, all that blood I knew when it happened.” Wesley is coughing again. 

“How long?” Leandra asks coming closer. 

“Not long now if I am any judge.” Flemeth admits with regret. 

“I take it this is permanent?” Hawke asks grasping for straws. 

“Only way I know of to fix it is to become a Grey Warden, and those sadly are long gone out of your reach.” Flemeth is not facing them instead faces farther into the wilds. 

“Aveline please, corruption is a slow death please end it.” Wesley pleads. 

“I can't make this choice for you Aveline, he is your husband.” Hawke admits sadly hopes her talents are not needed. 

“I love you, will always love you.” Aveline kisses Wesley grabs the dagger her husband holds and together they plunge the blade into his chest. 

“With no end there can be no peace.” Flemeth agrees and Aveline nods finishing the prayers over her husband commending his soul to the Maker. Flemeth takes the time to turn into a dragon and the rest pile on. Flemeth gets them to Gwarren where they take a ship along with many other refugees.


	2. Arrival

Across the sea lashed by storms, two weeks they are in that hold until they see it, Kirkwall, city of chains. Long ago it was part of the Imperium and it was in Kirkwall the slave trade was most prosperous. When they sail into the harbor they see the same thing the slaves saw all those years ago. Two giant statues chained together and then the Gallows, where they keep the mages and the cages left over from the trade. Statues in various states of submission line the harbor all have collars. It is a sobering site for all of them but especially Bethany who would live there if she is caught. “No worries Beth, I won't let them get you.” Hawke is rubbing her sister's back. As they disembark Aveline sees the line of people in front of the gates.

“They aren't letting anyone into the city.” Aveline observes and Leandra is shocked. 

“But we have family here.” Leandra reminds them all and Bethany rubs her back soothing her. 

“Easy mother, let me see what I can find out.” Hawke disappears into the crowd. 

“I wish I could move like her.” Aveline is shaking her head as in moments Hawke has vanished like smoke. 

“She's always been like that, a shadow unless she wants you to know she is there.” Leandra admits of her daughter smiling. Carver is all brute strength and is every inch the warrior. Bethany is dwarfed by her twin, her curves and softness all Leandra with their father's magic. Tessa though, Tessa is the changeling of the group all silent and lethal grace packaged in the feminized version of their father.

“Okay we can slide past this group but we need to talk to a Captain Ewald, let's hope Uncle Gamlen got your letter mother.” Hawke says from just beside her mother causing her to jump. 

“I hate it when you do that Hawke.” Leandra scolds earning a smile. 

“Then don't tell stories about me to others.” Hawke frowns crossing her arms. 

“Fair enough.” Leandra follows her daughter through the crowd. As they enter the tunnel from the dock to the Gallows themselves Hawke is surprised by the coldness of the place. Everything in Kirkwall is sandstone in color and huge blocks of it form the buildings. Guards are posted at regular intervals and the group surrounds Bethany hiding the mage from sight as they move through the city. When they get to Captain Ewald he is being harassed by a group of Fereldens who are demanding entrance into the city.

“How can I help you Serrah?” Ewald asks giving Hawke the familiar title they greet females with. Hawke executes a warrior's salute with the man and smiles. 

“I am looking to speak with my uncle Gamlen Amell to get my family and I into the city.” 

“Only Gamlen I know of is a drunk and a better who doesn't have two pennies to rub together.” Ewald is dismissive. 

“Gamlen Amell is a noble here, we have a house here.” Leandra demands and Hawke sighs. 

“I will get a message to him but I cannot let you in.” Ewald offers and Hawke nods. 

“So you'll let them in but not us? They just got here we've been here for days.” One of the men complains and Hawke puts her hands on her daggers knowing what will come next and she is not disappointed when the man launches an attack at Ewald. Hawke blocks the attack and slits the man's throat and sweeps the other man. It gives Ewald enough time to loosen his blade and call for help which is slow coming. As they wait, Carver, Aveline and Hawke take care of the attackers. Bethany is reduced to using her staff as a weapon and she is decent with it having spent many hours sparring with her siblings. As the souls flee the dead into Hawke she winces a little and smiles as Bethany's heal slides over her subtly with a touch.

Finally the other guards arrive and Ewald gets the situation under control. “I thank your Serrah?” 

“Hawke, Captain, this is my mother Leandra Amell-Hawke, my brother Carver and sister Bethany. Lady Aveline travels with us as well.” Hawke introduces quickly cleaning off her blades and sheathing them. 

“I will see if I can find Gamlen and bring him to you, for the moment there are refuge shelters in the cages of the gallows.” Hawke salutes and gets the rest to the cages where she manages to get them beds but there are not enough for her. 

“No worries, mother. I will find my own bed.” Hawke soothes when Leandra protests. 

“You know she doesn't like sleeping near us mother, let it be.” Carver frowns and Hawke nods her thanks. There are too many people here, Hawke needs to get out and up and does gasping at the view from the roofs. 

“Pretty lady to be up on the roofs this time of night.” Man offers and Hawke smiles dropping into a fighting stance when three others join. He is short, squat and has a curved blade that matches the ones held by the other three. They approach her and blink as she disappears from in front of them only to show up behind stabbing the middle one and then slicing the other two. One slides into her guard but Hawke feints past the blade making it glance off her armor and hamstringing the ones she has already stabbed and then slicing all of their throats in quick strokes. Their souls stream into her and she smiles sadly. There is an attic that has seen better days that Hawke finds cover in and rests.


	3. Choices

Three days later Gamlen finally appears just before sunset. “Oh Gamlen!” Leandra is in his arms shortly and the battered gray man hugs his sister. They look enough like each other but he does not have the same eyes and reeks of booze and spoiled food. 

“Leandra, I never thought you would come back, when you left with your husband to Ferelden I thought I'd never see you again.” Gamlen admits and Hawke narrows her eyes. “Your letter and your appearance have caught me off guard. With all the refugees it’s expensive to bribe the guards to get you in.”

“But father's fortune?” Leandra asks and Gamlen shakes his head no. 

“Gone, after the debts there was not much left.” Gamlen steps back away from Leandra. 

“So what's the plan? You can at least get mother in?” Carver asks. 

“I can and I have called in some favors to get the rest of you in provided you aren't opposed to a year of service.” 

“Slavery? No I won't have it!” Leandra is hysterical and Bethany is quickly getting there. 

“Hang on girls; let’s see what the offer is before we hit the hysterical button.” Hawke sighs putting a hand on Bethany to calm her. 

“It's two offers, one for mercenaries other for a smuggling group.” Gamlen offers and Leandra goes into a fresh fit. 

“Mother stop it. You think Carver and I haven't done either to keep food on the table or Bethany out of chains? We'll talk to them and figure it out.” Hawke admonishes and Leandra settles down a little. 

“What about me? I won't be beholden to others.” Aveline crosses her arms. 

“You look like a lady that can take care of herself and I am sure they will offer you a job as well.” Gamlen assures and Aveline nods.

Merran paces back and forth in the court yard waiting on these refugees or recruits depending on who you talk to show up. 

“Merran?” Carver asks walking up to the man. 

“Yes?” 

“Carver Hawke, we were told to talk to you about a job.” Merran looks up at the man. Yes this one will do nicely, the red head looks like a warrior too though he wonders how the little curvy one does with the staff on her shoulder. 

“I heard there were two sisters.” 

“There are.” Hawke whispers and Merran spins around to find a laughing woman behind him holding his purse and his blades. 

“They call me Hawke, nice to meet you.” She is taller than the curvy one and her hair is long, pulled into a braid that trails down her back. Her eyes are gray and very cold despite the laughter that bubbles out of her as she hands him the purse and blades back. 

“Okay, I am impressed. What do you want to know?” Hawke moves to stand by her brother and Merran notices the brother defers to her automatically, they all do interesting. 

“What's the contract, what do the jobs usually entail?” Carver asks. 

“Kill for hire on occasion, mostly body guard duty and the Red Irons always get their man so don't cross us. Terms are one year and then you are free to join for pay or go your own way.” 

“Sounds easy enough.” Carver says and Hawke nods. 

“Give me a second and we'll let you know.” Hawke pulls them to the other end of the courtyard where Athenril waits.

She is a slight elf and rouge. Hawke approaches her directly not bothering with the show off. “Serrah Hawke, I have a slight bone to pick with you.” Athenril is swaggering and Hawke smiles. 

“They jumped me, not my fault they were so easy to kill.” Hawke approaches hands open and away from her blades. 

“Agreed, though next time you decide to sight see stay to the docks until you are allowed in the city.” Athenril barks and Hawke nods.

“Got a job for us are you going to keep pissing on trees to see who makes the bigger splash?” Carver asks un-amused at the posturing.

“Oh I like him, brother of yours?” Athenril asks and walks around Carver. 

“Yes and unattached, please have at him with my blessing.” Hawke smiles at Carver's glower. 

“Basic 1 year contract, we don't compete with the coitiere but we do have our fingers in a lot of pies. We don't deal in slaves or children anything other than that is fair game.” Athenril is skeptical keeps her eyes on Hawke. 

“Thank you do you want all of us?” Hawke asks suddenly. 

“All or a few, I am not picky.” Athenril shrugs, Hawke nods and walks off with the rest of them.

“Aveline?” Hawke asks. 

“Merran is a better fit for what I am used to doing.” She answers and Hawke looks to Carver. 

“Carver?” 

“Same.” He says crossing his arms.

“Beth?” Hawke asks and she shakes her head at the same time Carver does. 

“I go with Carver Hawke, that is a given.” 

“Is there a problem with me going with the smugglers?” Hawke asks and the rest shake their heads no. 

“Okay, let’s get your three settled with Merran.” 

“I can do that Hawke; go tell Athenril the good news.” Carver says waving his sister off. Hawke nods and walks back over to the elf. Merran is sad to not get the rouge but Carver tells him she will happily help for pay if needed. Aveline smiles at Carver, he will make a fine leader when he matures a bit. After telling Gamlen and their mother the news Merran has the group shake down a man for some money that is owed to them. Done with that they are welcomed fully into the city and the Red Irons, Hawke's already passed her test with Athenril and follows her mother and the rest to Gamlen's house.

Athenril offers Hawke a place to stay which Hawke declines as expected. “You'll find your own roost I expect, I have a tub when you need it.” She offers and Hawke nods and leaves. Carver and clan stay with the Red Irons in their spacious compound that reminds both Carver and Aveline of the barracks in Denerim Merran knows Bethany is a mage and uses her skills as healer keeping her hidden from the Templars for the year. That first year in Kirkwall Hawke makes a name for herself as ruthless and efficient while Aveline is recruited into the guard and Carver embraces his name sake as an excellent body guard and warrior. When the year is over though Hawke takes her leave of the thieves with a promise to help Athenril if needed, Carver does the same for Merran and the siblings meet with Gamlen in his house one day. 

“Hawke won't stay here but we don't have that much room.” Leandra says and Gamlen nods. 

“No worries, Aveline won't stay here either she will be with the guards in the Barracks. I can share a room with Gamlen and you and Bethany can have the other room.” Carver decides and everyone nods. 

“Where is father's will Gamlen?” Leandra asks again and Hawke sighs in frustration. It’s been the same thing over and over again until she is tired of the fight. 

“Gamlen, answer her or I will make you.” Hawke finally says twirling one of her blades. 

“It’s in the estate; it was read and left there for the new owners.” Gamlen shakes his head. 

“I did research on that Hawke; our home is housing slaves and slavers. Most extensive cellar in Kirkwall and it's holding slaves.” Carver admits and Hawke smiles. 

“Shall we hunt brother?” 

“Yes we shall.” Carver smiles as they leave. 

“Where are they going?” Leandra asks and Bethany shrugs.

“Mother gave me her key ages ago into the vault. We should be able to find the will in there.” Carver says and Hawke smiles. 

“When we clean it out I can stay there, you can come too if you like. No reason for you to share a room with Gamlen if you don't want to.” Hawke offers and Carver stops. 

“You're serious? You'd let me stay with you?” Hawke looks at her brother questions in her eyes. 

“Yes, why wouldn't I?” 

“You're always so damn stand offish, always so secret and private. I never know if you are teasing me or are serious when you offer to get close to you.” Carver is trying to read his sister for all they have been raised together Carver couldn't even tell someone what her favorite color is. 

“You know why I keep you at arm's length Carver, it would kill mother if something happened to you. I tend to walk with death and I don't like you near it.” Hawke continues walking to the estate.

Slavers are a surly lot by trade; they also tend to be slow and not very good at fighting considering they are usually dealing with slaves and not trained fighters. Hawke and Carver have the house cleaned out in record time and are in the vault shortly. “Look here Hawke, Gamlen was lying. Grandfather left everything to mother, the estate all of it.” 

“Look at this? It's letters to someone here; I wonder who he was talking to. They mention a Templar, no name though. I'll see what I can find out; we need to get back to the house Gamlen has a lot to answer for.” Hawke and Carver return to the house to hear Gamlen asking their mother to start contributing to the funds of the house. “Oh that is rich uncle, how about you first.” Hawke shows the will to her mother. 

“He left it all to me? How could you Gamlen? You stole this form me!” Leandra is furious and all of her children are happy it’s not directed at them. 

“I can petition the Viscount for the title back and get our name back.” Leandra is determined and Hawke shakes her head.

“Mother, you are a Hawke not an Amell anymore.” Hawke reminds Leandra. 

“True but I can still get the estate back, not sure how we are going to pay for it though.” Leandra admits and Hawke sighs. 

“Leave it to me mother, I will see what I can do.” Hawke leaves.


	4. Varric

Carver is following the dwarf in front of him Bethany and Hawke steps behind him. “You need us on this expedition, we have darkspawn experience and you have heard of us.” Carver makes a compelling argument. 

“Of the three of you the only one I have heard of is Hawke. Her I don't want to offend but you and every other person in the slums trying to get a quick way out. I can't help you sod off.” Bartrand is his name and the braids in his beard sway as he throws his hands up at them. 

“If you have heard of me then you know it is not good to cross me Bartrand, it would be a pity for something you appreciate to just disappear.” Hawke walks closer the lethal predator with a deer in its sights. 

“I'm not crossing you, but you and every other Fereldan are looking for a quick way out of the slums, find another meal ticket.” He is walking into his office shutting the door. 

“We need this sister, but I don't think killing him is the way to get that done.” Carver is walking with them back towards the house. 

“I agree Carver, maybe Gamlen has some leads right now we don't have enough money to hush anyone who wants to turn us over.” Bethany places a hand on Carver the contact needed after Bartrand's display. 

Hawke is nearly knocked over by a short red haired boy a startled HEY is followed by her pounding feet as she realizes the kid has taken off with her purse. Rounding a corner there is a crossbow bolt in the shoulder of the boy with another dwarf sheathing his crossbow. 

“I knew a guy once who could take every coin out of your pockets just by smiling at you.” Varric walks closer to the man shaking his head in dissapointment. “But you? You don't have the style to work Hightown, let alone the Merchant’s guild.” Kid on the wall puts the purse in Varric's hand. It's light but not that light. “Might want to find yourself a new line of work.” A punch to the face and the boy sags as Varric pulls the bolt out. “Off you go.” Varric crosses blocking Hawke's line of shot of the boy as he beats a hasty retreat.

Tossing the bag Carver catches it knows his sister will want her hands free. “Thanks.” 

Varric takes a bolt out twirling it in his fingers smiling slightly. “How do you do? Varric Terthras, at your service!” Putting the bolt up, “I apologize for Bartrand. He wouldn't know an opportunity if it hit him square in the jaw.” 

“But you would?” Carver is taking lead as Hawke stays neutral and quiet. 

“I would! What my brother doesn't realize is that we need someone like you.” Varric's three earrings bob a bit as he moves his head. “He would never admit it, either he's too proud. I, however, am quite practical.” 

“You're part of Bartrand's venture?” Bethany asks stepping a little closer but not past Hawke or Carver she knows better.

“That's right! The Deep Roads wouldn't normally be my thing but I can't allow the head of our family to go down there alone.” Arms cross breifly. “So as you might imagine, I have more than a passing interest in this expedition's success.” 

“What makes you so certain we can help? You know nothing about us.” Hawke finally chimes in and Varric eyes the woman with speculation.

“On the contrary you've made quite the name for yourself over the past year.” He starts to pace a moment. “The Coterie has been squeezing smugglers out left and right, and the only group to survive owes it all to you.” He stops pacing to stand in front of them again. “The name Hawke is on many lips these days. Not bad for a Fereldan fresh off the boat!” 

“You must have heard of me as well.” Carver is never one to pass up his own glory. 

“A little, yes, but it's mostly Hawke they whisper about. Sunshine there now that one everyone stays quiet on mostly. Relax Hawke, I had to know who all I was dealing with. Come get some drinks with me and I'll give you the rest of the details, I'll buy.” 

Hawke nods falling into step with Varric. “There must be a way to convince your brother to hire us.” Carver is behind them following to the Hanged Man. 

“We don't need a hireling. The truth is, Bartrand's been tearing his beard out trying to fund this on his own, but he can't do it.” Varric shakes his head no. “What we need is a partner.” 

Hawke blocks her sister from going into the Hanged Man. “I'll take her home and be back.” Carver indicates for his sister to follow and Bethany does. 

“Delicate flower?” Varric inquires as they head to his table he's indicating for brew and two are placed in front of him. Hawke doesn't answer merely sits and waits. “They told me you were private, I can see they weren't exaggerating. I know your sister is a mage.” Shift of muscle on that. “Relax, sunshine's secret is safe with me.” 

“Perfectly fine brew for you to waste sister.” Carver grabs it as Eduinna comes behind him with a line of shots which Hawke downs quickly.

“Brew not to your liking?” Varric inquires curious. 

“She prefers shots,” another glass is put in front of Carver by Chloe. “When you going to get me out of here?” Carver smiles hand easily hooking the buxom brunette into a hug. 

“Soon as your father stops threatening to kill me every time I touch you.” Carver salutes the barman who waves a fist at him. 

“As I was saying we need a partner. Invest in the expedition. Fifty sovereigns, and he can't refuse. Not with me there to vouch for you.” Varric salutes Hawke as she downs the other two shots. 

“Your brother doesn't seem like the sort who's willing to split profits.” Carver shakes his head no. 

“My brother is many things, but he's not stupid. Far better to share the profits than be trapped in a thaig with a thousand darkspawn between you and the exit.” Shrug of shoulders, “Trust me. He'll come around.” 

“Why would you stick your neck out for a complete stranger?” Hawke needs to know how this man ticks, she needs to see what his weaknesses are so she can exploit them. 

“I'd rather take a chance on someone with your reputation than head into the Deep Roads unprepared.” Swig of brew, “Besides, we'd be your partners. I'm willing to give a little trust if you are.”

“Okay, but you know we don't have the coin. How do you know we won't go down there and find nothing?” Hawke glances at her brother to gauge his response.

“Bartrand's working on some solid information. Some of the Deep Roads are so old, even the dwarves have forgotten them. We just need to get down there, then Bartrand will lead the way. You and I will be there to handle problems.” Shrug of shoulders. “Even if you don't need me to get the jobs for the coin there's always Bianca.” He indicates the crossbow. 

“You named your crossbow?” Carver asks incredulously.

“Sure, why not? She's a beauty. Isn't that right, sweetheart?”

“Deal, you know where we stay let me know when you have something for us.” Hawke is up from the table in a moment. 

“Night's still young, care to stay and visit a while?” Hawke flashes one of the coldest smiles he's ever seen. 

“No but thank you, I've got other plans.” When she is gone Varric looks at Carver. 

“So what's the deal with your sister?” 

“Which one? Here I'll make it easy. Don't talk about Hawke when she's not there, don't cross her and don't make a deal with her you don't want to finish she keeps her word. Bethany, she's everything good and right in the world but don't mess with her or you'll have both of us on you unless she gets you first. Hawke's very private, don't pry.” Carver removes a tankard from Chloe's tray as one of the patrons grabs her. “Hands off Roy, you know better.” Roy does let her go Chloe nods in thanks. 

A few days later Varric is sitting at his table waiting for Hawke. When she drops from the ceiling landing neatly on the table he's not startled but he does offer a frown. “Some of us have to eat off of this Hawke.” When she gets off the table and takes a seat he shakes his head.

“True but not right now and we both know my boots are probably cleaner then most of the things that have landed on this table.” 

“True. So, here's the thing” we need to find a way into the Deep Roads.” Varric drums his fingers on the table. “Bartrand can lead us to the right place once we're down there, but we need a good entrance.” 

“You know I've fought darkspawn but I've actually been to the Deep Roads.” Hawke twirls her dagger in her fingers its a show of dexterity Varric eyes with speculation. 

“Fortunately, I've received some new information. There's a Grey Warden in the city. If anyone knows how to get down there, it'll be him.” 

“Why would he know that?” Hawke is curious on this. 

“The Wardens don't just fight darkspawn; they forge into the Deep Roads all the time. Even if he doesn't know he might be able to point us to those who do.”

“All the eggs in this basket?” Her eyes are stormy, never still either Varric could spend days watching her and not learn a thing. 

“Yes, Bartrand had an entrance lined up but it was a bust.” Varric nods as Eduinna puts a mug in front of him, “I'll keep looking but if we don't find something, we'll have a fancy expedition with nowhere to go.” 

“I'd rather not cross a Warden unless we have to, they are recruited for a reason.” 

“Massive fighting skill, yeah I know. He came in with a group of refuges of Fereldans. A woman named Lirene has been helping the Fereldans. We talk to her, maybe we learn where he is.” Hawke nods and stands to leave, “Also have a line on another job, need to meet a dwarf in near the alienage missing cargo or something. Wants to meet tonight if you have the time.” 

“I do, need to check in with Aveline in the viscount's office and I will meet you here just after sunset.” Then she's gone and Varric has no idea if she walked out or flew out. 

Headed to the Viscount's keep Hawke makes her way to the barracks seeing Aveline she smiles. “Aveline!” 

“Hawke, careful of Bartrand he's not one to be trifled with.” 

“Neither am I, good to know you still manage to keep tabs on me.” Hawke's voice is a little edgy. 

“I have a job if you want it, let me know if you want to do something for Kirkwall otherwise I'm here if you need me.” Aveline shrugs. 

“You seem to be doing well here.” 

“It's nice work if you're the type the locals want.” 

“Are you?” Hawke knows she personally is not but always found the red-head to be just her type. 

“If you argue enough, you kind of convince yourself.” 

Chuckle for that, “What's the job?” 

“My patrols may be empty walks in the dark, but there's something big coming up, and I could use you.” She's leaning against the wall, “An ambush. Probably for a caravan, although I can't find any shipments that match up.” Head shake for that, “Doesn't matter though. Highwaymen waiting for someone to rob? I'm putting a stop to it, my district or not.”

“We have a name to go with this?” 

“We show up and they attack they're bad simple as that.” Hawke chuckles slightly shaking her head yep that's Aveline. “They're hidden up Sundermount. Remote and rough, but we can make good time with a shortcut on this side should be happening tonight.” 

“I have a meet and greet and then I'm yours I'll bring Beth and Carver with me.” Hawke nods and turns to leave turns back. 

“Yes I have to be there for you to get the coin Hawke.” Nodding Hawke heads off getting some tasks done before meeting with Varric and Carver that evening. 

“Are you Anso?” Carver approaches the dark haired dwarf. 

“Aah! Sweet mother of partha! You can't just run up on someone like that!” He turns to face them sees the rest of the group. “Are you...the human Varric told me about? The one looking for work?” 

“Yes.” Varric states and Anso relaxes a bit seeing the dwarf.

“My apologies, human. I haven't been on the surface very long. I keep thinking I'll fall up into that sky any minute!” 

“Bartrand used to be like that. Got jumpy every time he stepped outside.” Varric chuckles as he says this. 

“But I digress! I need some help. Rather badly, in fact. Some product of mine has been...misplaced.” Head shake no as blue eyes and a very impressive mustache plead with Carver. “The men who were supposed to deliver it decided not to. If you retrieve my property, I could reward you handsomely...?”

“Just what did these men steal?” Carver asks shifting a hip to keep the dwarf's eyes on him. 

“Did I say steal? I don't know if I would go that far.” Head shake no. “They seemed like perfectly reasonable smugglers. They smiled and everything!” He shifts, looking down and then back up. “The goods are valuable, however. And illegal. And my client wants them very, very badly! You know how these Templars can be.”

“Really? Lyrium? Between the Chantry, the Carta and the Cotiere!” 

“Shh not so loudly Varric! My word! I'm not but out for this. I should have taken that job sweeping stables like Mother insisted.”

“No worries, we'll get it back.” Carver shrugs his shoulders as Hawke runs a finger down his back.

“Oh thank goodness. The gentlemen conduct their business at night in a little hovel within the alienage.” He purses his lips for a moment before continuing. “If you have to kill them, then I guess it can't be avoided. But I'm sure they'll be reasonable!”

“Right contract will be completed in the next two days okay?” 

“That is fine thank you.” Anso turns to leave as the rest do as well. 

“Let's grab Beth and meet with Aveline.” Carver suggests earning a nod from Hawke and Varric as they head to the meeting place. 

“There might be some stragglers before the main group. Nothing we can't handle.” Aveline informs as they walk the coast is lite by the moon and Hawke enjoys the way it plays off the sand. 

“So is it just you three or are there other siblings I haven't met?” Varric asks. 

“Varric, don't wish for more Hawkes these three are about all I can handle.” Bethany laughs at Aveline's comment. 

“That's right you traveled with them, that must have been interesting.” Varric doesn't get an answer as they run into the group of bandits. Quickly dispatched they move forward to the spot. 

“It was, I lost my husband on the way here Wesley he was a Templar. Met this group when we were all fleeing the darkspawn out of Lothering. All three of them were at Ostagar fighting for the King.” Aveline sees Bethany trip catches the girl quickly. 

“So you saw first hand how that went?” Varric is intrigued. 

“I did and I will happily regale you with the story one night over drinks.” Carver adds his sword loose as they get to the spot. 

The fight is short and bloody when they all lie dead Aveline approaches one of the bodies. “Well equipped for bandits, but dead is dead and the road is clear.” Done for the night they all head their separate ways.


	5. Fenris

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Letting the past rule your future is never a good idea Fenris, embrace today there is not guarantee of tomorrow.” Hawke offers.

When Fenris meets her she has been led into an ambush on his account and manages the kills nicely. It was her, Bethany, Carver and Varric the annoying dwarf with a very nice crossbow. When he kills the man ordering others to attack them Hawke drops back a bit fading into the shadows her blades already in her hands, Carver already pushed Bethany behind him and Fenris smiles at the display. He apologizes for setting them up. Hawke shrugs and puts one of the blades up while the other one is tossed lightly in front of her. When Fenris tells them he is a runaway slave Hawke frowns in sympathy then says the one thing he had not expected. “Wouldn't have anything to do with those pretty markings up and down your skin would it?” 

“It would actually.” He braces for her to touch him but she does not instead spinning the dagger and looking him in the eye.

“Such a handsome package to mark it so makes it more attractive I think. You could have told me about the slavers, I would have helped you anyways. I don't like slavers trying to take people, it’s illegal.” 

“May I impose on you again? I am hoping to finish off my master and be free. He is in a house in High-town” Hawke looks at her group and Carver nods, Varric shrugs. 

 

“Sounds fun, give me a moment and we will go.” She leans away from the wall and looks at the dead. As she walks through the bodies there are blue lights that race towards her. 

“What are you?” Fenris narrows his eyes at the display. Hawke is a little pale when it is done but shakes her head at him. 

“Reaper I feast on the fallen and move their souls along. You can see them?” Hawke asks just as wary. 

“My markings give me access to the fade so yes I can see them. I have never heard of this before.” Fenris is intrigued. 

“Neither has anyone else. If you get to know me better I might share the story.” 

“Now Hawke, you promised me you would tell me that story one day.” Hawke smiles seductively at Varric and Fenris wants her to look at him like that.

Following Fenris to the mansion in high town he is yelling at the top of his lungs for Danarius to show himself and Carver grips. “For every bellow you make your prey is probably going elsewhere.” 

“He is not here Fenris; your prey has escaped or was never here.” Hawke is stretching her senses she suddenly opens them. “But we do have guests, shades and demons are on the night's menu it seems.” Hawke says calm racing over her as shades come out of the floor to surround her. Fenris blinks when he thinks he sees her and then she is on the other side of the room working with a frozen demon. Bethany is slinging spells and heals near Fenris causing the elf to glare at her. 

They clear the house and Fenris sits in a chair by the fireplace. “Dammit Danarius, why do you evade me so?” Hawke watches the moody elf closely. “Take what you want out of the chests, there are valuables there you are welcome to.” Varric nods and leaves to loot while Bethany walks over to the books. “I see you travel with a mage.” Fenris is warily indicating Bethany. Carver is never more than a couple of steps away and turns to look at the elf assessing him. 

“She is my sister; if you have a problem with her you have a problem with me.” Carver says though his hands stay away from his blade. 

“What kind of mage are you? Are you after money? Power?” Fenris asks moving to get up only to find a blade on his neck held by Hawke. 

“Be very careful here Fenris, you mean nothing to me and she means everything. Threaten her and I will end you without even shedding a tear for all those pretty markings.” Hawke threatens and Varric walks in lifting an eyebrow at the sight. 

“Get to know me and find out.” Bethany is smiling at him. “I am a creation mage, awful handy when you get hurt.” She continues walking over to Fenris. 

 

“My apologies, mages have ruled and ruined my life. I did not mean to offend.” Fenris apologizes and Hawke withdraws her blade. 

“Letting the past rule your future is never a good idea Fenris, embrace today there is not guarantee of tomorrow.” Hawke offers. 

“I will endeavor to remember that Hawke.” Fenris inclines his head and the group leaves.


	6. Merrill

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “There comes a time when the demons stop helping for free.” Bethany

Carver, Fenris, Bethany, Varric and Hawke walk cautiously to the Dalish camp. “Stop Shem, you’re not welcome here the Dalish camp close to here.” Carver steps forward blocking the elves view of his sisters. 

“I come looking for Keeper Marathari” Carver crosses his arms and looking every inch the intimidating warrior. 

“You will wait here Shem, though I doubt you actually have business with her.” Not impressed the Dalish warrior goes to leave. 

“Wait, this is the one the Keeper was talking about.” The other sentry says. 

“Really? I thought they would be of the people.” 

“Follow us Shem; mind your weapons though least you end up dead.” Male elf is all business and Hawke smiles. All of the elves are her height and with their very large almost almond eyes and pointed ears it is obvious they are not human. 

“We were told to give you this amulet.” Carver tries to hand it over but the Keeper shakes her head no. 

“Your debt to anishabella is not done yet. You must take this up the mountain and give it a funeral right.” 

“Are you going to teach us this rite?” Bethany asks quietly. 

“No, my first will go with you, please know when this task is done I need you to take her with you. “ 

“If that is what you want Keeper, we would be honored.” Hawke says. “This is Carver my brother, my sister Bethany, I am Hawke and this is Varric, and Fenris who is your first?” 

“Her name is Merrill, it is not what I want but it is what she wants, she wants to leave the clan and we will accept her choice.” Hawke nods at the Keepers words. One of the warriors leads the group to the base of the mountain and there is an elf kneeling down by the edge of a giant rock. 

“Merrill?” Carver asks and the elf straightens and looks at them. Her eyes are green, her hair brown and her tattoo a tree with swirls on the cheeks. 

“Hello. Yes I am Merrill.” Hawke does the introductions and they head up the mountain. “Parts of this path are not safe, please be careful.” Merrill says right before a group of undead attack them. Hawke is quick with her blades and sweats as the soul race into her. “What are you?” Merrill asks and Hawke shakes her head, 

“We’ll worry about that later let's get this task done.” Merrill nods and they continue. Carver and Bethany are both peppering Merrill with questions about magic and life as an elf. There is a barrier blocking their way up and Hawke looks to Bethany. 

“Too powerful for me.” Bethany says and Merrill chimes in. 

“I can open it one moment please.” When she takes a blade out and slices her arm Hawke keeps her dagger out. 

“Blood magic.” Carver says and sighs. 

“Yes, blood magic but I have it under control.“ 

“There comes a time when the demons stop helping for free.” Bethany says and Hawke stays quiet. Entering the cave they are attacked by spiders. Hawke is dashing and dodging past the spiders slicing and dicing at them and helping Carver and Fenris with theirs. Merrill’s command of earth is impressive; she also has some entropy due to the blood that makes her an interesting force on the battlefield. 

Through the caves Merrill stops them. “Careful here, this used to be where the told keepers would come to sleep but now the keepers are not so restful” A Revenant joins a legion of skeletons and Hawke hesitates. She’s never seen one of these and isn’t sure how to deal with it. “Revenant, very unholy Bethany do not let it touch you.” Merrill says and Bethany backs away as Hawke and Carver deal with it. When it is finally dead the soul comes screaming at Hawke and slams into her knocking her off her feet and sending her into spasms. 

“Hawke! Hawke!” Carver is there and so is Bethany. Hawke breathes, tries to get this thing under control. Tries to make the soul quiet so she can function but the anger is overwhelming. Finally she gets it to settle down enough. 

“Ugh, that one packed a punch.” Hawke is sitting up carefully. Her head feels like it is going to split and she is hoping they are done with fighting but she should know better. More skeletons and a shadow warrior. Shadow warrior is lightning reflexes and all of Hawke’s skill with a helping hand from Bethany to freeze him and kill him. There is an alter and Merrill indicates it. 

“Put the amulet on it and I will begin the ritual.” Hawke is recovering from the shadow warrior’s soul who seems to want to kill the Revenant’s inside her and its very distracting. 

“One moment please, internal war I need to deal with.” Hawke says and sits down to meditate. 

“What?” Varric looks to Bethany and Carver for explanation. Neither offer one and Hawke is unmovable as a statue for a few minutes before finally breathing a sigh of relief.

“Right ritual.” Hawke puts the amulet on the alter and Merrill speaks. Out of the swirls of cloud comes Flemeth. Still sporting the leather studded tunic and plate metal legs and arms. 

“Aah, that is better.” Flemeth stretches as Merrill bows to her. “Ah one of the people so young do you know who I am beyond that title?” Merrill shakes her head no and Flemeth indicates for her to rise, “Then rise, you are too eager to bend the knee.” Flemeth pauses to look at Bethany, Carver and Hawke. “I half expected to end up in some merchant’s pocket or shattered.” 

“We keep our promises.” Hawke says smiling. 

“You are powerful. I have seen abominations, mages, horrors and many other things. I have never seen something like you.” Fenris admits warily. 

“Very observant elf the chains are broken but are you truly free?” Flemeth says. 

“You see much.” Fenris comments and Hawke steps up to break the eye contact. 

“I am a fly in the ointment; I am a whisper in the shadows. I am also an old old woman, more than that you need not know. I gave you just a piece of me as protection against the inevitable and if I know my Morrigan that would have occurred.” 

“Who is Morrigan?” Hawke asks. 

“She's a girl who thinks she knows what is what better than I or anyone. And why not? I raised her to be as she is! I cannot expect her to be less!” Flemeth admits smiling at the group.

“I'm not sure if she is your daughter or your enemy.” Hawke chimes in. 

“Neither is she.” Flemeth says inspecting her gauntlet hand. 

“Why did you have us bring you here?” Carver asks. 

“Because I had an appointment to keep and because I did not want to be followed. You smuggled me here quite nicely.” Flemeth runs a finger up Carver's chest and he does not shudder causing her to laugh again. 

“You have plans I take it?” Fenris asks and Flemeth nods. 

“Destiny awaits us all, we have much to do. Before I go a word of advice Hawke?” Hawke nods. “We stand upon the precipice of change; the world fears the inevitable plummet into the abyss.” As she says this she moves to the edge past the alter and the top of the mountain that offers such an amazing view of the world below. “Watch for that moment, and when it comes do not hesitate to leap.” Flemeth says with a smile over her shoulder. “It is only when you fall you learn if you can fly.” Flemeth finishes. 

“Cheap advice from a dragon.” Hawke says crossing her arms. 

“We all have our challenges.” Varric offers and Flemeth laughs at that. 

“We are going to regret bringing her here.” Bethany says and Hawke glares at her sister. 

“Regret is something I know well. Take care not to cling to it, to hold it so close that it poisons your soul. When the time comes for your regret, remember me dear child.” Flemeth says and Bethany shivers. “Now the time has come for me to leave. You have my thanks and my sympathy.” Flemeth glows as Hawke pulls Merrill back knowing what happens next Flemeth changes into a dragon and jumps off the cliff spreading her wings and screaming her joy into the wind. 

“You know strange people Hawke.” Fenris says and she laughs at that.

Back at the Dalish camp Keeper Marathari approaches them. “Your debt is paid in full; we thank you for helping Merrill.” Merrill says her goodbyes while Hawke tries to barter with the clan shop keeper. 

“I hear your skill is amazing. Do you have anything to trade?” Hawke asks Master Illen. 

“Not with a Shem no.” 

“Fair enough Master, I will endeavor to earn your respect.” Hawke bows and turns to leave. 

“Hawke? What are you interested in?” Fenris asks walking over to her. 

“We will not trade with you either city elf.” Illen says and Hawke sees the hurt. 

“We cannot control the circumstances of birth Master, in another life he might have been a great warrior for the clan.” Hawke says smoothly and Illen has a ghost of a smile on his face. 

“True shem, very true if he wishes to trade than he is welcome.” Hawke inclines her head out of respect. 

“Poisons, plants, any of those things is what I am interested in.” Hawke says and Fenris finds what she is looking for and buys it and hands it to her. 

“Thank you.” Hawke puts the various ingredients into her pouches.

“So this is the alienage.” Merrill says when they get there. 

“Yes, this is where the elves live if they want to stay in the city.” Carver is protective and Hawke smiles at her brother. The alienage is a group of houses with a small square and a giant tree in the middle of it called a vhenadahl or sacred tree. There are markets here just for the elves and most are wondering around or talking to each other. All of them keep an eye on the humans in their mists and Fenris stays close to Hawke even as Carver keeps Bethany within reach. When they get to the tiny apartment Merrill has been assigned she is nervous and scared. 

“Will you visit me? Not right now but later?” Merrill asks and Carver nods. 

“We will indeed Merrill, stay safe.” Hawke leaves the elf there while her brother casts glances over his shoulder. 

“She looks so lonely.” Carver says. 

“She will be for some time.” Hawke heads back to Gamlen's house to talk to her mother. All movement forward stops when they see a Templar speaking to an elvin woman though and Hawke hisses and automatically shoves Bethany into the middle of the group. “Bethany, we need to get you out of here now.” Hawke looks around for another way out of the alienage. 

“I don't stink of magic right now, it's dissipated.” Bethany offers and Carver nods. “Wait that Templar is by himself.” Bethany adds narrowing her eyes. 

“Get her out of here Carver; I want to see what this lone Templar is up to.” Hawke comments and he nods circling the tree to keep Bethany out of the way.


	7. Lost Son

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I have compared you to many things my dusky queen of the ocean but a heart-worm is not something I would consider.” Varric

“I know you fear for your son Arianni, I will see if I can help him but the circle may be his best bet.” Templar says and Hawke assess the man. He's older, though his full head of red hair along with mustache and beard have nary a gray in it. He is relaxed and so is Arianni, this is not an interrogation. Finally done with his questioning he turns to leave and Hawke clears her throat. Both of them turn to look at her. 

“If someone is missing I can probably help find them.” Hawke offers and Arianni looks her over. 

“Indeed? Who are you?” 

“Hawke.” She bows. 

“Ah, Serrah Hawke, you worked with the Red Irons on occasion didn't you? I am Ser Thrask.” Templar says inclining his head. 

“I did, along with some others. Who are you looking for?” Hawke asks. 

“My son, he is a mage and has horrible nightmares. I have tried to get him to go to the Circle but he refuses.” Arianni says and Hawke inclines her head. 

“I do not want to force the boy Serrah Hawke, if we can get him to go quietly things will be better for him.” Thrask says and Hawke is surprised. “Get the details from Arianni, if you need more come see me in the Gallows. I must return to my duties.” Thrask leaves. 

“Fenryial is his name, he is only half elf.” Arianni offers and as the moonlight hits her face Hawke notices the markings. 

“You are Dalish?” Hawke asks indicating the markings. 

“Yes, I fell in love with Fenryial's father and when he left me I was forced to stay here in the alienage. His father recently returned and might know where he is.” Arianni is worried and it shows with the nervous twitch of her fingers. 

“Who is the father, I may be able to get him to talk to me rather than the Templars.” Hawke is trying to get the woman to look at her. 

“Valencio, he sells his wares in the Low-town market.” Arianni is finally looking up at Hawke. 

“Then I will speak to him in the morning and see if I can get your boy the help he needs.” Hawke heads to the Hanged Man; if she is going to be dealing with a merchant she will need Varric's information. Walking in she is surprised to see Carver, Fenris and Varric at a table already drinking. Aveline is leaning against a wall her guard uniform making her a bit of a pariah here until she starts drinking with another one of the patrons. Hawke makes her way to the bar and notices a woman in thigh high boots and a tunic. Her skin is dusky, hair dark with a blue handkerchief with gold skulls on it on her head. She carries two short swords matched over her shoulders. Gold choker she can't see the details of circles her throat. Shaking her head at the pirate and the suitor that is proclaiming his love with a badly metaphor poem. Getting her shots she heads to the table and sits down. 

“Maker's breath Hawke you'd think with all those weapons on you'd make more noise.” Varric grumbles and salutes her with his drink.

“I need to know about a man named Valencio, sells his wares in low-town” Hawke asks without preamble. 

“Decent man, he's Antivan and usually makes trips back and forth with those wares.” Varric says. Hawke nods her head and files away the information. 

“I need to talk to him tomorrow, point him out for me?” Hawke asks as she downs one of the shots and moves onto another one. 

“Play a hand of Wicked Grace and I will.” Varric bargains and Hawke glares at him. 

“Carver?” Hawke sees her brother is distracted. 

“Huh oh, Bethany is at Gamlen’s; she wants to talk to us soon.” Carver goes back to staring into space. 

“Which one needs to talk to us? Beth or mother?” Hawke asks shoving her brother. His hand is on her arm in a moment but he loses his grip as she chops his throat and shoves his head against the table. Carver stops his head from hitting the table with his hands and punches Hawke as he stands up sending the chair crashing behind him. Hawke is already up in the rafters smiling at her brother even as Varric gripes about the siblings and stays seated. 

“Mother, no need to get surly Hawke.” Carver gives her a rude gesture and sitting back down.

“Come down Hawke, you know Celia hates it when you get up there. Also there is someone I would like you to meet.” Varric demands and Hawke comes down and crosses her arms looking at Varric. 

Varric leads her over to the pirate and clears his throat. “Oh for the love of, give up man I do not wish to be compared to a heart-worm and an apple.” Isabella says turning around and then chuckling when she sees Varric's face. 

“I have compared you to many things my dusky queen of the ocean but a heart-worm is not something I would consider.” Varric continues, “Isabella Riviani, this is Hawke and Carver.” 

“Well met handsome.” Isabella is already stalking towards Carver and she is way more woman than he has any idea how to handle. 

“Oh yours?” Isabella remembers Hawke and Hawke laughs. 

“Oh you I like, yes he is my brother so have at him if you are inclined just go easy on him.” Hawke has mirth in her eyes at Carver's discomfort. 

“Business first please Riviani.” Varric is tilting his head at the display not even surprised. 

“Oh fine, I need some help. I challenged a man to a duel but I don't think he is going to be fair. I need someone to come with me to take care of the extra combatants.” Isabella looks between Hawke and Carver. 

“Ok, when and where?” Hawke catches Carver's eye. 

“Tonight and at the Chantry courtyard.” Isabella responds still close to Carver. 

“Carver, you're losing your purse, quite looking at her tits and pay attention to her hands.” Hawke admonishes and Carver catches Isabella's hand. 

“Oh, now that was cruel Hawke, ruin a girl's fun.” Isabella walks up to her and Hawke doesn't fall for the eyes or the rest of the assets on display.

“Shall we go?” Hawke asks indicating Fenris to follow them.

“Aye, let's get this done.” Isabella says and they follow her to the Chantry. As they enter the courtyard there is a group there and it attacks them. Hawke watches Isabella move, she's a rouge and deadly but sloppy. Her movements are erratic and her cuts ragged. Catching the huge great ax swung at her on her swords Hawke sidesteps the man coming from behind her and smiles as the man skewers his own man on his blades. Decapitating the one in front of her she uses the man's stupidity at not letting go of his blades to get him from behind as he follows his friend's body down. Finished with this group Isabella loots them and comes up with a note. “In the Chantry? Fine, I hate this man.” Isabella is mounting the steps. 

“Hang on there thigh highs. Who is this man? Those are Coterie men which don't come cheap.” Carver asks and Hawke laughs at the nickname. 

“Name is Lucky; he used to work with me. We both worked for a man named Castillo who is a real son of a bitch I do not want to cross. Lucky wants to bring me back to Castillo for losing a relic and wreaking a ship. I said I would duel him so he wouldn't bring me back. He agreed now this; I am going to kill the man.” Isabella says and Varric whistles. 

“Castillo Riviani, even I'm not that dumb,” 

“Are you going to help me or not?” Isabella asks and Hawke debates it and then starts up the stairs.

There is no way to hide their entrance though the front door and Hawke isn't trying. “Lucky you bastard you know the rules of a duel.” Isabella is gorgeous in her rage. 

“Isabella my beauty, how did I know you would not agree to our terms either?” Lucky is tall, brown in coloring and is dressed like a pirate should be in his doublet and pants with a sash on his waist. His two-hander rides high on his shoulder and Hawke is checking for the rest of this surprise. Archers on the second staircase, warriors flank them on either side and Hawke knows there are assassins she can't see. 

“I told you what I wanted, I am not going back to Castillo” As Isabella says this she throws one of her knives and it sinks into the chest of one of the women on his side instantly killing her. Hawke hears Varric curse as all hell breaks out. Carver is squaring off with Lucky while Fenris is handling one group of the warriors. 

“Varric, get those archers down.” Hawke orders as she handles the other group of warriors. Isabella is trying to get into Lucky's guard and stay out of range of two swords with 5ft of steel each clashing and clanging. “Isabella, help me here.” Hawke yells and the rouge gives up the fight to help her. Hawke doesn't need her help, but wants the rouge out of her brother's way knowing he'd rather take a slash than risk her getting hurt. Fenris has finished his group and jumps up the steps to take out the archers that have taken cover from Varric's arrows. Hawke loses one of her throwing knives as an assassin thinks to sneak up to Carver and stab him in the back. Hawke gets the assassin in the back but not without taking a cut to her shoulder in the process. Hawke stumbles away biting her lip in the process and blocking the next blow and sinking her blade into the man's chest. Pulling it out quickly she throws her sword and skewers another man on it that was headed to Isabella. Carver and Lucky are too evenly matched. Neither is giving ground and both are matching blade for blade. Pulling her blade from the man she walks over to Carver and Lucky. Getting behind Lucky she pulls the man's head back and slices his throat coating Carver in blood and making her brother have to stay his blow. “Anything else Isabella?” Hawke asks cleaning her blades off and sheathing them. 

“No, thank you for the help.” Isabella shakes her head no as they walk out each to their own place. Carver does follow Hawke to the estate and lets her at the bath first.

“You are Valencio?” Hawke asks the merchant, she has Varric, Carver and Bethany with her. 

“Yes pretty lady how can I help you?” He is Antivan through and through, polished manners despite the fact his clothes have seen better days.

“I am looking for your son Fenryial.” Hawke says quietly. 

“I have not met anyone worthy of becoming my wife to have a son my lady.” Hawke rolls her eyes at that. 

“I am here to help your son but if you persist in this manner I will take your tongue.” Hawke is smiling sweetly. 

“It is hard to tell who can help and who cannot these days.”

“His mother Arianni asked us to get him to safety away from the circle.” Hawke tries and he takes the bait. 

“I sent him to a former Templar who is sympathetic to the mages in the city. His name is Sampson.” Valencio says. Hawke nods and heads to see the man. 

“Do you mind if I shop?” Bethany asks and Hawke smiles. 

“Hawke, how goes it today?” Fenris asks approaching. 

“Not bad at all, care to play bodyguard for the afternoon?” Hawke asks and Fenris smiles. 

“For you of course.” Fenris executes a formal bow and Varric laughs. 

“My sister wishes to shop, I have business elsewhere do you mind?” Fenris' change in face is laughable though Hawke keeps a straight face. 

“If that is what you want.” Fenris recovers though barely. Hawke nods and leaves Varric and Carver with her. 

“Are you sure you want the mage hater escorting our sister?” Carver asks.

“If anyone can tame him to mages it would be Sunshine.” Varric says smiling.

“Where to Bethany?” Fenris asks and she is nervous around him.

“Promise you won't go all glowy on me?” Bethany replies. 

“I promise to keep you safe, if that requires my markings than I will use them.” Fenris is smooth in his reply. 

“Fair enough, I thought I would pick up something for Hawke's birthday.” Bethany says moving over to a table of scarves. 

“Scarves? I do not think your sister will want scarves.” Fenris is rewarded with a smile. 

“No, scarf is for my mother. We'll be hitting the weapons and jewelry shops for her gift.” 

“When is her birthday?” Fenris asks and Bethany chuckles at that. 

“It is in a couple of days though she makes no fuss about it, usually she hides all day.” 

“Why?” 

“She killed our father on her birthday, since then she doesn't celebrate it.” Bethany selects a scarf that is a shade off from her eyes and purchases it. 

“Why would she kill her father?” Fenris asks. 

“Because the Templars took him and made him Tranquil. He made us swear if that ever happened that we would kill him. She snuck into the Tower and killed him and got back out again with no one the wiser. It wasn't until weeks later we found out what had happened. Hawke keeps her promises; don't ever ask her to kill unless you really want her to.” Bethany walks towards a weapons display. 

“How old was she when she did this?” Fenris asks quietly. 

“14, it was the year after she became a Reaper. Not only did she kill him, she had to reap his soul as well.” Bethany smiles sadly at Fenris. “Enough talk of my sister Fenris, what weapon do you think she might want?” Bethany asks indicating the weapons in front of her.

Fenris looks at the display and picks up several before settling on a boot knife with a bone handle. “This one would suit her; she had one for her right boot but not the left.” Bethany smiles at the admission and pays for the knife along with some oil for sheathes. Bethany wanders around the rest of the market chatting lightly with Fenris and smiles when he purchases some candles. 

“If Hawke knew what I told you,” 

“No worries Bethany, I will not break your confidence in me and I appreciate your candor.” Fenris is formal and Bethany smiles at that. Eating lunch they head back to Gamlen's house and see Hawke headed towards them. Fenris leaves without a word to Hawke and she arches an eyebrow at her sister. 

“What did you tell him?” Hawke asks and then holds up a hand when she remembers she is with others. “I will ask you later, I apologize for abandoning you to shopping with Fenris.” Hawke says instead and Bethany smiles. 

“It was fun actually, he is an interesting person.” Bethany shrugs as Hawke walks in with her and Carver. Varric begs off the invite of dinner and Leandra smiles when she sees Hawke with them. “Oh good you are all here.”

Leandra is just happy to have all of her children under one roof as she puts plates and food on the table. Gamlen is quiet as they eat and quickly excuses himself after they eat. “Off to the Blooming Rose I am sure.” Carver comments with disgust and Hawke raises an eyebrow at that. 

“Mother? What is going on?” Bethany asks as her mother is distracted. 

“Well I know you are going to the Deep Roads when you get the coin I am just worried about all of you going.” Leandra finally says looking at all of her children. Hawke has her back to them as she washes the dishes. 

“I am going mother, we need the money and I don't want to stay here waiting.” Carver demands and Hawke smiles at that. 

“I won't let you take both of them Tessa, I just won't.” Leandra says and Hawke sighs. 

“They are grown, same as me. If they want to come they are welcome to I have no intention of leaving them here.” Hawke is still washing the dishes. 

“What if something happens to them, I won't lose them to your ambition.” Leandra is reaching for something anything to hold her children here and Hawke is not playing this game. 

“My ambition was to get you and them out of Lothering somewhere safe. I did not vote for Kirkwall and then get here demanding to be nobility.” It is a low blow and Carver wants to interject. 

“I am nobility, we are nobility my brother stole that from us and I want it back. There is nothing wrong with wanting what is ours.” 

“Deep Roads is the only thing that might get us there mother.” Carver says and Leandra crosses her arms and shakes her head. 

“You cannot take them both Tessa, promise me.” 

“As you wish mother, I will take Carver with me and leave Bethany with sufficient protection.” Hawke says bitterly. 

“I've never been without Carver for more than a few days mother.” Bethany frets and Carver reaches over to his twin taking her hand. 

“We will get through this Beth, I am going. If you want to go you can, mother cannot stop us.” Carver says and Leandra shakes her head. 

“Ever since your father died I cannot control you, you take and take Tessa. I am tired of giving.” Leandra screeches and everyone is looking at Hawke. It is a low blow and one that has been thrown at her before. 

“Mother, I am sorry father died. I am sorry I couldn't be better but I can't. I am going on the Deep Roads expedition and if Carver and Beth want to come with me they are welcome to.” Hawke says, her mother has no idea Hawke killed their father Malcolm; it is not something you can tell your mother. Bethany and Carver know because Hawke had made a deal with Vengeance to let Bethany say goodbye to their father in the fade. 

“Get out you ungrateful brat, just leave.” Leandra is lashing out now and Hawke leaves without a word.


	8. Deep Wounds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You are full of wonderful surprises Fenris before I forget thank you.” Fenris nods and notices Hawke is shivering.

Hawke is severely wounded, if she can just get to the estate she can get to the tub and make it all better. But her fingers are slippery on her weapons and she is losing blood quickly. As she climbs the stairs into High-town estates she groans when she sees shadows detach from the walls and come towards her. Too many, too much too everything and she passes out. “Hawke?” Fenris asks stopping in his tracks and takes in the 8 bandits and Hawke leaning against the wall using only one blade her other arm hanging limply at her side. Hawke looks up at him and then collapses. Fenris is instantly in motion killing the bandits and looting them. Scooping Hawke up he heads to his house thinks to drop her off and go get the mage. “Hawke? Talk to me, what happened?” Fenris asks as he carries her to the house and up the stairs. 

“Bath, get me in a bath.” Hawke mumbles and Fenris looks at her in wonder. 

“Why would you worry about that? I need to get you healed.” Hawke rallies a bit starts to wiggle in his arms. 

“Bath please Fenris, promise I am fine, and just get me in water.” Hawke says as he bounces her to stay still. 

“Fine. If that is what you want.” Fenris turns on the bathtub; he holds her up and strips the armor off of her. When she stands in tank top and underwear he hesitates. She takes a step towards the tub and then falls and he manages to catch her head and keep it from going under as she hisses at the sting of the water.

Hawke comes to in the water, her head being supported and looks up to see Fenris looking at her. “Fenris?” She asks and he smiles. 

“Yes, you ended up on my doorstep a step away from death and insisted on a bath.” Hawke looks down at the bloody water and winces; she is healing but not enough. 

“Got any bandages? I think I am clean enough.” Hawke asks and Fenris nods. Helping her up she can't put weight on her right leg and her left arm has several nasty cuts on it. 

“I can get Anders if you like.” Fenris offers and she shakes her head. 

“No. Just let me rest, we'll call for the mage in the morning. Can I stay here?” Hawke asks and Fenris nods. She sits on the edge of the tub while he drains the water and smiles as she is moving her fingers. He hands her one of her daggers after making sure it doesn't have any poison on it and she twirls the blade. Bandaged up he helps her to the bed where he hands her one of his shirts to sleep in. Once in the bed she places the dagger under her pillow and watches as Fenris moves around the room and grabs a chair. “You've lived here for months, why haven't you decorated a bit?” Hawke asks indicating the bare bedroom. 

“It is not my home; I could say the same of you.” Fenris counters and she smiles. “Are you hungry?” Fenris asks and Hawke nods. He returns with bread and cheese and she nibbles delicately more out of habit than actually needing to eat. When she finishes and fills her cup with more water Fenris sits back down in the chair. 

“Come to bed Fenris, sleeping in that chair will not be comfortable for you and we both know it.” Hawke says and Fenris debates.

He's been tempted by Hawke since she first called him handsome. Hers is long legged, hard muscled grace of a lethal predator. She is not the soft curvy figure of her sister and he is thankful for that, prefers this lean muscle in front of him to the curves this woman who killed her father and sacrificed her life for her sister. Stripping out of his armor and boots he lays down and smiles as she stays where she is. 

“Know any good stories?” Hawke asks and Fenris laughs. 

“No, I do know poetry though. I was required to memorize it to entertain guests.” Hawke looks at him. 

“You are full of wonderful surprises Fenris before I forget thank you.” Fenris nods and notices Hawke is shivering. 

“You are cold? Come here.” Hawke scoots to him and wraps herself around him and Fenris tries to keep his thoughts clear as her hand is on his stomach and her head is on his chest and their legs are tangles with each other. He starts reciting poetry to her and she smiles and traces his lips as he does this. She falls asleep soon and so does Fenris.

“Fenris? You awake yet?” Isabella is there and Fenris gently extracts himself from a sleeping Hawke and unlocks the bedroom door and steps out. 

“I am now, what can I do for you?” Fenris asks leaning on the rail looking down into the foyer where Isabella stands. 

“Seen Hawke? She was supposed to play cards with us last night and never showed. Carver says she didn't come home that he knows of last night either.” 

“Do you know of the Dark-town healer?” Fenris asks and Isabella nods. 

“Yes why is Hawke hurt?” Isabella asks slight worry in her voice. 

“Just get the healer please and bring him here.” Fenris doesn't let Isabella up the stairs and she smiles. 

“I will for a favor at a later date.” Fenris narrows his eyes but agrees. Isabella brings Anders back with her. 

“Where is she?” Anders asks worriedly. 

“She is in bed, bandaged up pretty well but not able to bare weight on her leg.” Fenris is still in pants and nothing else. 

“You should have called for me last night.” Anders says opening the door. 

“Not his call Anders. I wouldn't call for you now if I had a choice.” Hawke glares at the mage groaning when she tries to sit up. Fenris is to her in a moment helping her and hooking her hair out of her face. 

“Take it easy Hawke.” Fenris says and Anders narrows his eyes as Justice roars at the contact. Anders casts heal on her and walks closer to inspect her. When he reveals the leg he swears. 

“Dammit Fenris, you should have called me last night.” Anders swears using magic to see just how bad it is. 

“Just get it where I can walk and it'll be fine.” Hawke orders and Fenris looks at her incredulously. “Anders, not a word, just do it.” Hawke demands and Anders nods. When she is able to stand Hawke does shedding the rest of the bandages and going into the bathroom to change. Back in her armor she is grabbing swords and wincing as the arm is not in great shape. 

“Give me a second and I can heal you more Hawke.” Anders says and Hawke walks out fighting with her hair. 

“Hang on sweetie, I got ya.” Isabella offers and Hawke surrenders her hair to the pirate's fingers. Anders casts another heal and rejuvenate on her. 

“That should work for the moment. I can come see you later if you want.” 

“No, I have a full plate today with going to the Gallows to talk to Thrask; Viscount's boy is missing and I still need to visit Aveline. If I need you I will get to the clinic.” Anders nods and leaves. “I thank you for the concern Isabella, however what is up?” Hawke says looking at the pirate. 

“Marin, old friend has a job if you want it. Needs some goods back; he has a room at the hanged man if you are interested.” 

“I'll get to him before I sleep tonight, thank you.” Hawke says and Isabella leaves. 

“I am coming with you today; you look like you might feint at the slightest breeze.” Fenris' tone does not brook argument so she sighs instead. 

“Fine, let's head over to the viscount's office and we can talk to Aveline while we are there. I want her with me when I talk to Thrask about Fenryial. Also that was the best night's sleep I have gotten in a long time for which I thank you.” Fenris watches her limp down the stairs with a frown on his face.


	9. Sons and First Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You're Ferelden right? Ever spend time at the pearl?” Isabella asks looking up at him through her lashes.

When they get to the Viscount's office Hawke is pale Varric sees them headed towards the Barracks end of the building and joins them walking with Fenris. 

“Is she okay?” Varric asks watching Hawke and Fenris nods.

“Aveline!” Hawke says and the red head comes towards them. 

“Let me tell Captain Jevin about the ambush, should be able to get you a reward for that.” Aveline goes into the office and its obvious from the shouting on the other side of the door the man is not happy. When Aveline comes out she is red faced and furious. 

“I take it that didn't go the way you wanted.” Varric says and Aveline nods. 

“Aveline, thank you for the rescue pouch was awfully heavy that night would have gotten into a world of trouble if I lost it.” Bennin says and Aveline nods. “Passed it off to Donnic for tonight's patrol.” 

“Heavy pouch and an ambush, wonder where Donnic is walking tonight?” Hawke asks and Aveline is checking the roster. 

“Low-town docks, shall we make sure he has a quiet patrol?' Aveline asks and Hawke nods. 

“Viscount's boy is missing, care to help me out today?” Hawke asks and Aveline nods. Hawke is mighty tired of stairs when they get to the office and are witness to an argument between Nacey Winters and Seneschal Bran. Bran is a chestnut haired wonder of manhood expertly clothed by the tailors nobles frequent and peasants dream about.

“If the Winters find the boy then you can have an audience with the Viscount but please note the boy must be alive and unharmed to get the reward.” 

“We've tracked him to the Wounded Coast; we'll be bringing him back shortly.” Nacey nearly knocks Hawke down in her haste to get away. Fenris keeps her upright and keeps a hand on her elbow when she looks like she might pass out. 

“I hear your missing a viscount heir.” Hawke says and Bran looks at her. 

“It is true; you are welcome to look for him. I have not granted the Winters exclusive contract. I shudder at their methods.” Bran indicates the woman leaving. 

“Tell us more if you don't mind.” Varric says and Hawke smiles gratefully as she rests against Fenris who has pulled her back against his chest. 

“He has been consulting with the Qunari in the city, we think he might have actually put himself in danger in one of his exploring walks he does.” Bran crosses his arms and Varric frowns at this. 

“Wouldn't this be a guard matter?” Fenris asks and Bran shakes his head. 

“Qunari have been peaceful, if we send the guards and something happens it will look like there is a problem and we can't have that.” 

“In that case why not ask the Arishok? He is likely willing to give the boy to you he doesn't want issues either I bet.” Hawke says and Bran shakes his head no again. 

“Again we want to remain neutral in this if possible.” 

“Fine, I'll get him back alive and unharmed.” Hawke turns to go down the stairs. Fenris keeps a hand on her elbow as they leave.

“Hawke? There you are!” Carver says and Bethany is with him as they head towards the Gallows. 

“You're hurt.” Bethany notices and heals her with a touch and then heals her again. 

“You need to rest, when did this happen?” Carver debates scooping her up and carrying her home. 

“Touch me Carver and you will lose the hand, I am fine I have things that need to get done. Bethany, thank you for the heal. I am headed towards the Gallows or you could come with me. Want to go to the wounded coast with me later?” Hawke asks and Bethany nods.

“I can heal you more as we go. At least until you can heal yourself.” Hawke hisses at the statement and Bethany looks away rather than face her. Hawke continues to walk to the Gallows and Bethany waits with Carver outside of it. 

“I have been in Towers before but nothing like this.” Fenris stops to look at the statues of slaves. 

“It is not a happy place to be. Fenris, I am going to talk to this Templar about a mage who is not in the circle. I am going to tell him I will help the girl anyway I can. I need you to not speak out against me.” Fenris nods and Hawke goes to Thrask.

“Serrah Hawke, any luck on the girl or Fenryial?” Thrask asks keeping his voice low. 

“I talked to Sampson; he said he sent them to a ship captain who owns a warehouse on the docks. When I went to the warehouse it was empty. Do you have any other information?” Hawke asks. 

“There are caves on the coast some of the mages use to hide in. You can probably check there.” Thrask says thoughtfully. Hawke nods and leaves. 

“Rescues and cave hunting, let's bring the entire crew shall we?” Varric asks and Hawke nods. Varric finds a couple of messengers and sends messages out as they head to the Hanged man for breakfast. Hawke nibbles at her food again until Carver gives her a hard time about it. 

“Eat Sister, you need your energy.” Hawke purses her lips and Varric, Bethany and Fenris all pick up their plates in expectation of a fight Hawke nods and starts to eat a little more and Carver smiles. “You really are injured if you don't want to fight with me.” Carver says and Fenris smacks him upside the head. 

“For your sister.” Fenris smiles when Carver glares at the man.

Once everyone is gathered they head out to the wounded coast. As they walk along with various chatter going on Anders walks close to Isabella. “I swear I have seen you before.” 

“You're Ferelden right? Ever spend time at the pearl?” Isabella asks looking up at him through her lashes. 

“That's it, you used to really like that girl with the Griffin tattoos right? What was her name?” Anders is animated as he talks now. 

“The lay warden?” Isabella supplies. 

“That's right I think you were there the night I was.” 

“Oh were you the runaway mage that could do the electricity thing? That was nice.” 

“I really don't think I need to know this about either of you.” Varric says. 

“Please stop talking now.” Hawke begs even as she is laughing. Silence descends for a little while and Hawke is breathing easier for the time being. 

“You must really like the Hawke family to travel all this way with them.” Merrill says to Aveline and the guard looks at her. 

“Why would you say that?” Aveline asks. 

“You came all the way from Lothering with them and they aren't even your clan.” Merrill is walking backwards as she says this. 

“Humans don't have clans Merrill.” Aveline says shaking her head. 

“Exactly and you didn't even have a Keeper to make you get along.” She trips and Carver reaches out to steady her. 

“So your Keeper tells you to stop kicking each other or she'll turn the aravel around?” Aveline asks smiling as she says it. 

“Sometimes she wants us to stop pulling hair too.” Merrill nods and when she trips again Carver picks her up and sets her in front of him.

“Let's see if we can find the Viscount's son first we know where he is.” Carver says and Hawke nods. It is a bloody battle with the Winters when they get there. 

“You will not have him.” Nacey attacks Hawke. Hawke swears as her leg gives out on her though manages to kill Nacey. 

“There are more coming Hawke.” Varric helps her up. 

“Varric, Bethany, Anders, and Merrill all of you need to stay in the middle near the boy. Shoot what you want and let's keep him safe.” Hawke grabs a bow off one of the corpses along with a quiver of arrows. 

“Do you even remember how to shoot those?” Carver asks and Hawke smiles. 

“Just don't stand in front of me.” Hawke fires as the next wave comes. Anders casts heals as he can on Hawke and she gets better as the leg heals. Soon she is in top form and grinning like a mad woman as the souls shoot towards her.

“Seamus? Are you still okay?” Hawke asks and the boy nods. 

“They didn't need to kill him, he was just sharing knowledge.” Seamus indicates the body of the Qunari that was dead when they got there. 

“We can burn or bury him if you like.” Hawke offers and Fenris interjects. 

“No, leave it Qunari do not honor their dead that way.” Hawke nods. 

“Carver get him back to the Viscount?” Hawke asks and he nods and leaves with the boy. They stop long enough to eat and Carver comes back. 

“Viscount wants you to see him when you get back to the city.” Carver says and Hawke nods. Three caves they search with no luck but the fourth one they find slavers. 

“Stop right there, what do you want?” Slaver asks and Hawke looks to Varric. 

“Batter up; there are more than I care to tangle with.” Varric nods and makes his voice carry. 

“Are you sure you want to put hands on the Viscount's son?” Varric says smiling. 

“Seamus is not half elf dwarf.” 

“True but that is the love child of his favorite mistress and we are here to get him back.” Slaver looks at Fenryial and then at Varric. 

“Fine. Here is the boy's price we do not wish to tangle with him.” Slaver throws the purse down and Varric catches it. 

“What about the girl?” Hawke asks and the Slaver shakes his head. 

“What girl?” 

“She would have been here more than a week. Another mage too.” 

“No idea, we only trade in boys.” Slaver says and Hawke nods. Walking out with Fenryial she looks at Fenris. 

“Do you want them dead?” Fenris shakes his head no. “We will get them another time, let's get back.” Hawke nods and keeps going back to town. 

“I don't want to go back to my mother, she will make me go to the circle and I don't want to.” Fenryial says. 

“Your mother is Dalish, why not go to them?” Merrill offers and they all look at her. “They would take him if he has magic, Keeper could teach him.” Merrill says and Fenryial nods.

Changing direction to take him to the Dalish they are greeted with a bit of hostility even with Merrill there. “Hush now; we will welcome one of our own.” Keeper says and Hawke breathes a sigh of relief. 

“Hawke?” Hawke turns to see Master Illen is speaking to her and walks to him. “I need some giant spider silk, if you can get me some I will trade with you.” He says and Hawke nods. 

“I can get you some, any idea where to find Giant Spiders?” Hawke asks and Illen tells her there is a cave nearby. Hawke nods and heads towards the cave. Varric is speaking with the clan's storyteller and the rest of her party is distracted with each other and the elves. 

“Thinking of giving us the slip?” Fenris steps into her path and she smiles. 

“No, hunting a giant spider or three, don't really need help for that.” Hawke walks past him.

“Have you ever fought one before?” Fenris asks. 

“No, have you?” Fenris shakes his head no as they enter the cave. 

“Well they certainly live up to their name.” Fenris says when one of the beasts drops from the ceiling to greet them. Fenris slices into the spider as Hawke jumps on top and stabs it in the head. Killed Hawke slices the abdomen open and gags at the stench. 

“Hold open the bag while I get this will you?” Hawke hands him a bag. She makes quick work of carefully cutting the silk pods out and putting them in the bag. “There we go.” They walk back out to the camp and the rest of the group. 

“Well done Hawke, I will trade with you now.” Illen says and Hawke bows and looks over the wares.

Done with the Dalish they head to low-town for Donnic's patrol. “Sorry my lovely apostates, time for you go to home.” Hawke quiets their protests. “We are rescuing a guard here and I don't need the heat and neither do you. Now off you go.” Hawke shoos them. 

“I'll walk Bethany home Carver, no worries.” Anders volunteers and Hawke raises an eyebrow as the mages walk off together and Isabella follows. 

“I hope he is okay.” Aveline says as they get close to the route and hear the clang of steel. 

“I am guessing no.” Carver charges in and clearing to the guard. It is a short brutal battle but they come out the victor. Aveline helps the guard up. 

“Aveline, you are a beautiful sight. I mean thank you.” Hawke hears rather than sees the smile in Aveline's voice as she says. 

“Guardsman Donnic.” 

“I best get back to the barracks and get these injuries looked at.” Donnic says and Aveline lets him walk off. 

“Interesting. This is the Viscount's seal, city accounts, and records. Not really valuable to guards but very to the Coitiere.” Hawke shows Aveline. 

“Selling out to them with a sacrificial use of our men this is going to the viscount's office. Let's see how well he does with the thieves when he is in jail with them.” Aveline is furious and Hawke smiles at that. 

“Let's head over there in the morning if you don't mind it's been a very long day.” Hawke says and Aveline nods. 

“Keep that with you and meet me at the office tomorrow.” Aveline leaves. They all disperse though Carver walks with Fenris and Hawke to the Hanged man to talk to Marin about finding his goods. Information gathered they head towards the estate. 

“Sleeping here tonight?” Carver asks and Hawke nods. 

“Need to take a bath first but yes.” Carver nods and heads in leaving Fenris and Hawke outside. Fenris cups her face and Hawke stays perfectly still. 

“You scared me last night Hawke. I can't lose you.” She wants to respond and has no idea what to say and anything she thinks to say is chased out of her head when Fenris kisses her. She is putty in his hand answering the kiss and then breaking it. 

“Thank you for being there Fenris, thank you for this.” Fenris smiles and tips her chin up to look at him when she would rather not. 

“Good night Hawke. I shall see you in the morning.” Fenris steps away and Hawke is cold, so cold. 

Morning finds Hawke prowling around the warehouse they checked before. This time Isabella is with her along with Anders. As they are prowling there is a scuffle and voices. “Bind her hands, they can’t cast if they bind their hands.” 

“No, please leave me alone please don’t touch me!” It is a woman and she is scared. 

“Leave the girl go!” Anders roars and Hawke curses. There is clothing ripping and the girl has turned into an abomination. Slavers are running everywhere and Hawke, Isabella and Anders are in for a hell of a fight. 

“Hawke! I thought you agreed to wait for me.” Aveline comes in and starts swinging her blade. 

“I had no idea this warehouse would get this popular!” Hawke says as she slices into the abomination and is rewarded with blood and gore everywhere that smells like weeks old bad cheese. 

“Ugh! I hate these things.” Isabella smells the odor as she slices open one of the slavers. 

“Full follow through with the blade Isi, you get a cleaner deeper cut that way.” Hawke says and Aveline laughs. 

“Middle of a life and death fight and you’re calling out blade tactics. I adore you sometimes Hawke.” Aveline shoves her sword through the abomination and it falls over dead. 

“Tonight Hawke, tonight in that big house of yours I want a fight.” Isabella says and Aveline laughs. 

“Oh this I want to see.” 

“Fine but if I win you have to take me sailing when you get your boat.” Hawke says and Isabella smiles as she walks over to the dead bodies of the abomination and the slavers. Anders leaves having dealt with the bodies by setting a fire. 

“If I win I get a kiss.” 

“Not if you want to keep your heart in your chest you don’t.” Aveline says and Hawke nearly breaks her neck with the speed she looks at the guard. 

“Oh? Does Hawke fancy herself a broody elf?” Isabella doesn’t have time to say more as Hawke is on her, blade to the throat.

“Do not think to tease me Isabella. My personal life is none of your concern.” Isabella has her hands up in surrender. 

“Hawke you are lucky I am good with my shield.” Aveline picks up the dagger that had sailed her way. 

“Same goes for you captain. Stay out of my personal life.” 

“Understood.” Aveline says and Hawke takes her blade from Aveline without letting Isabella up yet. 

“We clear pirate?” Hawke asks Isabella and she nods. “Say it Isi.” Hawke pushes. 

“Fine, I’ll stay out of it, I still want a kiss if I win though.” Hawke smiles at that. 

“Of course.” Getting up Hawke finishes looting the bodies and finds a note near the mages clothing. “Interesting.” She says and hands the note to Aveline. 

“Girl was Thrask’s daughter; this just gets better and better.” Aveline hands the note back to Hawke. 

“Viscount appointment right?” Hawke says and Aveline nods. 

“Varric is meeting us there, Isabella you coming?” Aveline asks and Isabella shakes her head. 

“Need to go do some digging of my own on some leads for the relic I lost.” Hawke nods and goes with Aveline to the Viscount’s office. 

Carver is with Varric and offers, “Beth’s with Anders helping in the clinic for the morning.” Hawke nods and Varric soothes her more, “I have men there that will let us know if anything is going on. Sunshine’s safe.” 

“You know me well Varric.” Hawke says and Varric laughs. 

“I don’t even know your first name.” 

“Tessa but she prefers Hawke.” Carver supplies and Hawke smiles. “He’s earned it and you know it.” Carver defends and Hawke nods. 

“Serrah Hawke, Aveline, Ser Varric and Carver Viscount will see you now.” Bran says and Hawke winks at him just to watch the man blush.

“Ah, good to see you I appreciate your rescue of my son. Guard Aveline, these charges against Jevin are grievous. He will lose his post by the end of the day.” Viscount says and Aveline nods. Dismissed after receiving the reward they leave to hear the sounds of Jevin being disposed. Bran is in the office and calls them in when he sees them there. 

“Guard Aveline, Viscount would like you to become the new Captain. Not immediately, there will be training and connections to make but soon. If you are willing you need to wrap up any business you might have.” Bran looks pointedly at Hawke as she smiles at him again. 

“I would be honored.” Aveline executes a warrior’s bow and Bran leaves. 

“I knew you’d get into some kind of power.” Varric says and Aveline rolls her eyes. 

“I’m happy for you Aveline, though this means you can’t traipse around with us anymore.” Hawke frowns at that. 

“No and I can’t overlook anything either just because you are my friends.” 

“Fair enough.” Hawke smiles. 

“What time is the throw down?” Aveline asks. 

“Bring dinner; we’ll do dinner and a show of it.” Hawke crosses her arms. 

“Throw down? Who’s fighting?” Varric asks interest piqued. 

“Isabella and Hawke, bring the group should be good betting.” Aveline offers and Hawke laughs. 

“Two of my favorite deadly women fighting each other? Oh I am so there.” Varric says and Hawke leaves Varric and Carver in tow.

“Need to talk to Thrask up for it?” Hawke asks and Varric nods along with Carver. Thrask is thankful for the information and Hawke hands him the note. 

“You have my condolences Thrask.” Hawke says and Thrask nods, “Now you know why I help the mages.” They are done with the Gallows and headed to the market when Fenris comes up. 

“Are you up for clearing out some slavers?” Hawke nods and Varric and Carver follow him. “We might bring the mages, they will have them.” Fenris says and Hawke arches an eyebrow and detours to get Merrill and Bethany. 

“Come or not as you like Anders.” Hawke offers and the mage nods his head. 

“Sure why not.” 

They are cleaning out slavers when they run across a dwarf. “Tell ya what; if you clear out the Tal- Vashoth I’ll pay you handsomely. Arishok has agreed if this is done he’ll give me a formula.” Hawke thinks for a moment. 

“Making yourself known to the Arishok is not a bad idea Hawke.” Fenris says and she nods. 

“Deal.” 

“Hawke, these boots look to be your size. You are walking through the ones you have want them?” Bethany offers the boots to her out of a chest and Hawke smiles as she handles them. 

“What about the staff?” Fenris points to the still glowing stick clutched in a mage’s hand. He frowns and then stabs through the throat of the man and the staff stops glowing. 

“It’s better than the one I have.” Bethany says and lays a hand on it only to hiss as it rejects her. 

“Drenched in blood magic, Merrill is it better than yours?” Fenris asks and the elf grabs the staff and smiles as it responds to her. 

“It is Bethany this staff is better than yours and not drenched in blood magic.” Merrill hands her staff over and Bethany smiles as the staff responds to her. 

“Fenris, what are Tal-Vashoth?” Hawke asks and Fenris smiles. 

“They are Qunari that have left the Qun, either by shaming themselves or abandoning their belief. They are outcasts and are to be killed by outsiders. Killing them earns you honor in the Qun but it does not make you worthy of it.” 

“So we do this we look good but not good enough to warrant notice to the Qun?” Anders says confused. 

“Exactly. This will get Hawke an audience with the Arishok but he will still consider her below his notice. Never mind the fact she’s a woman.” Fenris says and Hawke stops at that. “Women can be priests, shop keepers and administrators and teachers. Qunari women are valued for their intelligence and beauty not their battle prowess. They are denied blades much like other countries do with their women.” Hawke thinks about this. 

“Explain the Qun if you can please.” Bethany asks and Fenris smiles at Bethany and helps her past a log. 

“Qun is viewed as a living body, Arigena is the leader of the craftsmen, merchants and such or the mind, its priests are the heart those are ruled by Ariqun, Arishok is the arms and legs, females are viewed as the blood, slaves the body. Nothing is wasted by the Qunari you cannot judge the Qunari just on interactions with their parts, you must see the whole to understand.” Fenris says looking at Hawke.

“Ware where you go human, there are Tal-Vashoth ahead.” An unmarked Qunari says and Hake walks towards him. 

“Who are you?” Hawke asks and the man smiles. 

“I am nothing, merely a mercenary on my way to the city.” 

“Willing to fight your brethren?” Fenris asks and the man shakes his head no. White hair falls to shoulders that utterly dwarf even Carver in height and breath. Hands end in claws and his horns are impressive. “Then I thank you for the warning.” Fenris says and they move past him to the camp. These men fight with spears they throw and bare hands. Along with their size Hawke is surprised at how fast they move. “Saarebas” Fenris yells and pushes Bethany out of the way of an energy bolt. 

“Merrill” Hawke says and the elf nods and locks some roots around the thing. Hawke finishes with her Qunari and heads to the Saarebas It takes her a couple of swings with her sword to get the head off but she does. She is not ready for the soul though, that knocks her flat on her back and has her curled up on herself in spasms. 

“Tessa!” Justice is blazing and to her in a moment keeping the rest of them at bay. 

“Anders, give me my sister.” Carver still has his blade out as does Fenris. 

“What soul did she take?” Justice demands and Fenris indicates the mage crumpled on the ground behind them. 

“Qunari mage packed a hell of a wallop evidently.” Fenris says. 

“Anders, I am not going to ask again.” Carver is getting closer. 

“You will stand back Carver, I can help her and you cannot.” Justice is not letting them closer. 

“Carver, it’s Justice not Anders right now. He’ll not let anything happen to her.” Bethany reaches out to her brother. 

“Carver?” Hawke calls weakly holding her hand out. Realizing she can’t see her brother past Anders she tries to get up, falls back with the shaking. “Anders let me go, I am fine.” 

“You are not fine Tessa.” Justice answers not dropping his guard.

“Justice? Let him go, let Anders go now, you have no right to take him.” Hawke is furious and trying to regain her body movement and does. 

“You are not okay, you need my help.” Justice demands and Hawke gets to her feet draws her blade and steps between Anders and the others. 

“Let him go now Justice, I will come to you when I am ready and not before.” Hawke is wavering and Carver puts a hand on her back to steady her. Justice walks to her, he would call her bluff. Cupping her face he kisses her forehead and she releases her blade as another spasm wracks her. 

He catches her and lays her down “Leave us. She has to deal with this soul now.” Justice demands and none of them are moving. “Hawke would not want you to see this and you all know this leave now.” Justice is commanding and Carver nods, knows the spirit is right. When the spasm is over Anders picks her up and heads towards one of the caves. Bethany makes a bed of grass with a wave of her hand and walks to the front of the cave along with Carver. “Eat if you like, this will not take me long to fix.” Anders moves her to lay on top of him and closes his eyes.

“Justice?” Hawke asks as she sits in a cage in the fade. 

“Yes, you need to let the mage go.” Justice strides to her but not touching the cage. 

“I would love to; however I am in a cage and every time ack!” Hawke says as she receives a jolt when she touches it. 

“What is this?” Vengeance walks towards them. 

“Demon.” Justice draws his blade. 

“No Justice, put the blade away. Master.” Hawke calls to Vengeance and stays on her knees. 

“How are you trapped like this?” Vengeance asks strolling around the cage. 

“Qunari mage.” Justice supplies. 

“Can either of you free me?” Hawke asks and Justice shakes his head no. 

“I can but it will cost you.” Vengeance regards her. 

“If I am trapped here I cannot serve you master. Eventually you will free me.” Hawke says and Vengeance touches the cage shocking Hawke. 

“Such insolence will be punished Tessa you know that.” 

“You will not torture her in front of me brother.” Justice still has his blade out. 

“Name your price master.” Hawke says and Vengeance turns his attention back to the cage. 

“I want the souls of 14 others by the time you sleep tonight.” 

“I have them now if you will but let me free master.” Hawke keeps her head bowed, she dare not look at Vengeance. Vengeance grabs the cage and grits his teeth as the electricity arcs and grabs it with his other hand and pulls it apart. 

“I will grant you immunity to being trapped like that again.” Vengeance pulls her up and striking her across the face. He retains her hand as her head snaps from the blow and her cheek is laid open by his claws. He dips a claw in the blood and traces a rune on her forehead that has her back on her knees in pain. 

“Thank you master.” He still has her hand and reaches down and grabs her neck tilting her head to look at him as the souls flood from her to him. 

“Well done servant well done.” There is an angry red mark on her throat from his hand and Hawke stays on her knees looking down as Vengeance leaves. When Justice would go to her to comfort her she shakes her head. 

“Do not interfere.” Hawke says and fades.

Hawke wakes up coughing and smarting from the mark on her throat and her head; she has a headache the size of the continent and is desperate for water. “Hawke?” Carver says and is there instantly as Anders wakes up holding his head. 

“Ugh, I hate it when he does that.” Anders looks over at Hawke. “Did I do that?” Anders indicates the marks. 

“No.” Hawke doesn’t elaborate and he casts a heal to take them away. “Don’t ack ouch.” Hawke says as the marks reappear. “Don’t, I earned these.” Hawke gets up and taking the water from Carver and drinking it. “Back to the city?” Hawke asks and Carver nods. When they come out of the cave Hawke squints at the sun and then throws the water and everything else in her stomach up. Wiping her mouth she swigs more water and takes out a mint sprig and chews on it. 

“Dwarf said to meet him at the Qunari compound.” Fenris supplies and Hawke nods. 

“I’ll take Bethany and get the house ready for tonight's party.” Carver says when they get to the city and Hawke nods. Merrill leaves with Carver along with Anders and Hawke heads to the compound with Varric and Fenris.


	10. First Impressions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Since you killed Tal-Vashoth he is not worthy to die by your blade.” Arishok

As they get to the compound Fenris stops them and looks at her forehead. “You need to hide that mark.” Fenris traces the rune and his fingers are cool on her skin. Varric hands her a sash from his pouches and Hawke ties it around her head and loosens her braid and re-braids it with the scarf tails in it. 

“Very attractive, I like it.” Varric nods and Hawke smiles. When they get to the compound Varric is blocked. 

“Only the human and elf.” Masked guard says and Varric nods leaving. They are admitted to the compound and see the dwarf. 

“Bout time you got here.” Hanso is his name Hawke remembers as the man says he is ready to discuss things with the Arishok They stand at the base of a huge platform that has a chair on it. It is a house made of stone built a level above the street to appear to be above the filth on the street. When the Arishok comes out Hawke forgets about anything else. This Qunari is tall, taller than any she has ever seen. He is every inch the warrior with those muscles and two axes hang over his shoulders, each of those axes would work as a two-hander for any other man. His skin is blue tinged and his hands are almost black as they end in claws. His ears seem to be dipped in gold and he has earrings in each one. His horns sweep back in a pair of two each and are gold tipped as well. There is no denying this man is royalty. His pants are form fitted black and do not hide his huge feet which are bare. He wears a jacket that goes down to the floor and starts out almost white but ends in black at the bottom. His bare chest is marked with a series of markings that are impressive in their complexity. His honor guard positions themselves around him and all of them are bare chested as well with markings in red. One on the right has a mask on and it’s him who speaks. 

“State your business dwarf.” Mask says and Hanso does. 

“I have killed the Tal-Vashoth as requested I am ready to negotiate the price of the Gaatlock.” 

“No.” Arishok says and Hawke is curious. 

“Interesting one moment please.” Fenris steps forward and he speaks in Qunari for a moment. Hawke figures it is a greeting. 

“Qun from an elf, interesting company you keep human.” Arishok says and Hanso is still fuming.

“We humbly ask for clarification of the denial Arishok” Fenris bows. 

“This dwarf gave himself the task of killing the Tal-Vashoth to get the recipe. It was not a task given to him.” Arishok makes a dismissive gesture with his hand. 

“Then we humbly apologize for incorrectly inserting ourselves into your matters, would you have us kill him?” Fenris says smoothly and Hanso squeaks “what!” 

“Since you killed Tal-Vashoth he is not worthy to die by your blade.” Arishok waves them to leave. 

“No formula no payment” the dwarf says to Hawke and the Arishok gestures and they are blocked from leaving. 

“You incurred a debt in my name dwarf?” Arishok rumbles and Hawke turns back to the man. His voice is the rumble of thunder the warning that lightning is on the way. 

“He did Arishok” 

“Then take the payment and leave. What is your name human?” 

“Hawke” 

“I will remember that.” Arishok inclines his head and they leave.

Once out Hawke takes a slow breath to slow her galloping heart. “That could have gone much different.” Fenris says as they walk to her house. When they get there tables and chairs have arrived and are in the front room. The floor has been swept clean and one table holds food which Hawke pounces on. 

“We figured we’d make this interesting Hawke. You and Isabella, Carver and Fenris, Bethany challenged Aveline to a no magic duel as well.” Varric is enjoying his food. 

“Draw lots to see who goes first?” Isabella asks and Carver and Aveline draw a stone out of the bag Varric provides. 

“Ah looks like Bethany and Aveline are first.” Varric announces and Bethany smiles as she takes her staff off her back. It is not her usual staff, this is her sparring staff and it is metal with blades on each end that curls back like a halberd. Aveline bangs on her shield in challenge and Bethany attacks. 

“Are you up for your fight after today?” Fenris asks Hawke and she nods. 

“I am fine.” She assures him. Aveline takes Bethany’s blow on the shield and tries to catch the blade to tap Bethany on the stomach to end it. Bethany lets go of the staff and it skitters across the floor with her executing a perfect cartwheel leaving Aveline stabbing at air. Bethany is up and kicks her staff back to her hand and twirls it behind her with a come on gesture to Aveline. Aveline attacks her and Bethany swings the staff around to hit Aveline in the head while sweeping the woman’s legs out from under her. Bethany rests her blade against Aveline’s exposed stomach and the guard laughs. 

“Well fought mage, well fought.” Bethany helps her up and they square off again. Aveline wins the second fall with a spin move Bethany can’t deal with as her staff is yanked out of her hand and she is facing Aveline’s blade on her throat. When round three comes both women are determined to win. 

“5 silver on Bethany.” Hawke says and Varric nods. Last bought takes longer than the other two combined as both women parry and attack in a flash of skill. Bethany catches Aveline’s blade on her staff and slides it where the blades force Aveline to let go. Aveline does and takes the moment to throw her shield against Bethany knocking her down. Bethany catches Aveline’s blade with her foot and slides it to her hand pointing it at Aveline’s stomach as the guard thinks to bring the shield down on Beth’s throat. 

“Your siblings have done well with you.” Aveline helps Bethany up conceding the fight to her. Bethany hands the blade back to Aveline.

“No markings.” Hawke calls as Fenris and Carver square off. Fenris sends her a wolfish smile at that and Carver shrugs his shoulders. Carver is twice the breath Fenris is in mass, Fenris however is lethal grace with his blade. Both of them touch blades tentatively testing each other. Carver has Fenris on his back blade to the throat in three moves. Hawke is surprised by that until Fenris has her brother down in two. Fenris is not only lightning fast but his instincts that make him available to learn his opponent is lethal. Carver doesn’t stand a chance against the elf for the final bout and takes the defeat smiling.

“Isabella you ready?” Hawke asks standing up and pulling her swords out. 

“Always.” Isabella says smiling. 

“You get to pick Isi, swords or daggers?” Hawke asks and Isabella considers this. 

“Are your daggers clean?” Isabella asks and Hawke nods. 

“All but my throwing knives are clean right now.” Hawke shows the blades to Isabella. 

“Daggers then.” Hawke nods and places her swords on the table in front of Fenris. “Rules?” Hawke asks and Isabella smiles at that. 

“None, let’s see what you got land lubber.” Isabella says and Hawke lays her throwing knives on the table. When Hawke turns around her blades are in her hands the curved handles hugging her knuckles. Isabella approaches and Hawke feints left and then strikes from the right. It is a quick part of Isabella’s tunic across her back as Hawke sweeps her and goes to follow through only to have Isabella out of the way and back up glaring at her. 

“No worries, I am sure Carver will lend you a shirt to go home in when I am done with you.” Hawke smiles and ducks under Isabella’s slash and hits her in the stomach with a fist. “Now now Isi, take a breath and calm down. Anger makes you sloppy.” Hawke chides as the pirate comes at her again and Hawke grabs her arm and twists it back pulling the woman against her. “Sure you don’t want to give this up?” Hawke whispers in her ear as she hooks a foot in front of Isabella and with a shove send her sprawling. Hawke puts her blades away and walks over to the table.

“You are not worthy of my blades tonight Isabella. Let me know when you want to take this seriously.” Carver sucks in a breath at that. Hawke is being cruel for a reason and he is not sure why Isabella deserves the ire. 

“You bitch!” Isabella is attacking her and Hawke side steps and then catches Isabella by the hair to keep her from crashing into the table and sends her flying to land at Varric’s feet. 

“Last chance Isabella. Get it right or we are done.” Hawke says and Isabella nods as she gets up. 

“Enough sister. Take out your mood on me if you want.” Carver is up and in front of Isabella. 

“Isabella, you will start sparring with me every morning until you get better. Go enjoy some booze while Carver and I put on a real show.” Hawke turns and grabs her swords as Carver comes at her. “Want to make it fun and have Bethany in on this too?” Hawke asks and Carver laughs. 

“It’s been a while since you have taken us both on.” 

“No, I am done for the night Hawke, you and Carver work out your issues.” Bethany waves them off. Carver comes at her in earnest and she catches his blade on her blades and pushes him back with a boot to the chest. Twirling the blades she comes at him again and he catches both of the blades on his and shoves her away with a shoulder. Hawke uses the momentum and rolls backward coming up to block the blow her brother wants to give her and slides behind him up on her feet and swinging before most can comprehend the move she did. Carver chases her across the floor his blade quick in its strokes and Hawke is forced to concede the ground. Carver sends one of her blades across the floor and grabs the other wrist putting an elbow to her temple. Hawke manages to catch the blow on her chin instead and catches Carver on the cheek with her fist. Carver stumbles back as Hawke catches her blade with her foot and spins past Carvers charge slicing him with her blade and then following him putting her blade on his throat. 

“Yield?” Hawke asks and Carver nods. 

“Who taught you to fight?” Aveline asks and Hawke smiles. 

“Whoever would teach us actually? Father was a mage and mother was never taught to fight.” Bethany smiles as Anders ask her a question. Drink is flowing and Isabella finally makes it back over to where Hawke sits next to Fenris. 

“Were you serious about sparring?” Isabella asks and Hawke nods and then frowns at the mark on Isabella’s cheek. 

“I did not mean to mark you Isabella, I am sorry you got my bad mood.” Hawke says instead. 

“I earned it for my bad showing, I consider myself a good duelist.” Isabella ducks her head. 

“You are when it’s against men. You use your assets to confuse them and they underestimate you because of that but I won’t and neither will some men.” Hawke says seriously. “I will teach you but you must put in the time and effort to get better.” Hawke finishes and Isabella nods. “Have Anders or Beth heal that Isabella, no reason to mar your beauty.” She says catching the pirate’s chin. Their party lasts well into the night and most are stumbling home.

Carver goes into Hawke’s room to wish his sister a happy birthday only to find the bed cold and the window open. Headed back to his room he smiles at the sleeping form of Merrill in his bed. She had drank too much and Carver had carried her to his bed rather than risk her getting hurt getting to her house. “Carver?” Merrill asks and he is there kneeling at the side of the bed. “Thank you for last night, not sure how much I drank but I am happy you took care of me.” 

“Always Merrill, always.” Carver nods and Merrill is leaning forward and kissing him. Carver deepens the kiss and then laughs as Merrill falls off the bed into his arms. 

“Stop laughing at me you oaf and kiss me.” Merrill says pulling him back down to her and kissing him again. When Merrill has her hands under his shirt and has sat up straddling him Carver breaks a kiss and puts his forehead on hers. 

“Merrill, are you sure this is what you want?” He asks and she nods. 

“Yes please, I’ve wanted to see if your lips are as delicious as I thought they were for a long time.” Carver laughs at that. When Merrill kisses him again and rocks her hips Carver groans. 

“No, I want you for mine, I want you forever Merrill not just once.” Merrill pulls back at that. 

“You would join with me? I am a blood mage.” 

“Yes, marry me Merrill, please.” Carver is begging and Merrill nods. 

“We should tell Hawke, she will need to tell people.” Carver shakes his head. 

“One step at a time, do you want to marry me human style or do you want me to petition your Keeper for an Elvin right?” Carver asks and Merrill shakes her head. 

“You are not Elvin; I left the Dalish we cannot marry according to their right.” 

“What about an outside service then?” Carver asks and Merrill nods and kisses him again. 

This time its Merrill who breaks the kiss, “I want to tell Hawke.” She is up and Carver stops her. 

“She’s not here; you will have to tell her tomorrow.” Carver says and Merrill looks at him full of questions. 

“Why is she not here today?” Is the question she settles for and Carver sighs. 

“She’s just not today. I wouldn’t expect to see her until well after dark today Merrill. Let’s tell the others and we can tell her tomorrow.” Carver pulls her over to his chest and pulling a key. Opening the chest he pulls a small box and gets a bracelet out of there. “It’s not a ring but it will do for the moment.” He puts it on Merrill and she smiles at it.


	11. Birthdays suck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It makes you no better than a demon when you do that Justice, makes him an abomination.” Hawke

Leandra is happy for them if a bit surprised Carver wants to marry an elf mage. Bethany is ecstatic and starts to help her plan the nuptials. There are packages on the table and Merrill approaches it and smiles. “Who’s name-day?” She asks and looks at Carver and Bethany. 

“Hawke’s, It’s her birthday today.” Carver says. 

“Oh are we holding a party for her? A surprise party maybe?” Merrill asks and Leandra shakes her head no. 

“No, we don’t celebrate today, today is the day my husband died as well.” 

“Oh how awful for Hawke to lose her father on her birthday.” Merrill says and doesn't see Bethany’s look of anguish. 

Fenris is waiting for Hawke when she finally crawls into her window in exhaustion. She sees the packages on her bed and then Fenris on the chair. “Get out Fenris, I do not wish for your company.” Hawke is exhausted and it is still not enough, never enough to atone for her deeds, for the souls she carries and the one she never wanted but took anyways. 

“You did what he wanted you to, Mages would never want to be tranquil and you know it. You alone were strong enough to give him peace.” 

“Stop, I do not want or need your pity Fenris, please leave.” Hawke begs and Fenris walks towards her instead. 

“I got these for you.” He offers her the candles. 

“Candles?” Hawke asks taking them and smelling them, they smell like vanilla and elfroot

“When the shadows are darkest light one to keep it at bay for all the darkness there is a light.” 

“Poetry from a warrior, you are full of surprises Fenris.” Fenris bows at her smiling. 

“I am grateful you remember even a little of what I said that night.”

“Always.” Hawke admits and smiles. 

“Going to open the rest of your loot?” Fenris indicates the bed and Hawke shakes her head no. 

“I will another day.” Hawke says sadly. 

“You should not punish yourself on your name day Hawke.” Fenris traces a finger down her shoulder. 

“Thank you for the candles and the poetry Fenris.” Hawke turns away from him and he hears the catch in her voice. Hawke wants him to touch her, knows if she does she will cry and doesn’t want him to touch her, and dares not to show that much weakness. Fenris walks out and Hawke hears the click of the door as she clears the presents off the bed and lays down.

“Tessa, I wasn’t sure you would come tonight.” Justice greets her and Hawke concentrates on the souls in front of her and ignores him. “I panicked when I saw you fall.” Justice says and Hawke continues to ignore him until she is done with the souls. Only then does she turn to look at him her anger flaring out of her eyes. 

“You had no right to take over Anders, no right to deny my brother access to me.” 

“Neither of them could help you and I could.” Justice reasons and Hawke shakes her head. 

“I would have figured out a way. You cannot just take over Anders like that.” 

“He would understand.” Justice reasons. 

“It makes you no better than a demon when you do that Justice, makes him an abomination.” 

“I would do it again in a heartbeat to keep you safe, to help you.” Justice is reaching for her and she steps back and away. 

“Do it again and I will kill him.” Hawke walks away.


	12. Justice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Do not bring him into this Anders; do not hide behind the monster in the light of day. Justice won’t protect you from me and I can and will keep doing my duty for the souls with or without his help. I do not need you, I want you. Remember the difference between the words.” A blade sinks into the hand that holds Bethany and Anders lets go of Bethany and takes the dagger out. “Do not cross me Anders, not in this.”

Hawke remembers the first time she had met Justice, smiles. Hawke is in the fade with a line of people in front of her. Each one walks up to her, tells her their name and then walks either to the left or right of her. “What are you doing here?” Justice strides up to her and Hawke grabs her blades dropping into a fighting stance and the line of people in front of her turn into balls of light to rush back into her. “How do you do this?” Justice says pointing at the lights. 

“I do this because I must, what are you? You will not tempt me demon.” She is circling around him and Justice smiles unhooking his great sword and squaring off against her. 

“I am no demon, merely a spirit of Justice. I will avenge these souls if you have taken them unwillingly. I will not tolerate a demon in the fade feeding on souls when I can stop it.” 

“Spirit of Justice? I have met Love, Grace, Honor but never one of Justice.” Hawke stands up and slides her blades away crossing her arms. High cheekbones, dusky skin and a curtain of black hair contained in a braid. Her face is oval and the gray eyes that look at him glitter in amusement. Compared to him she is tiny, only coming up to his chest. Though she is tall for a human female. 

“You are a Reaper then?” Justice asks and Hawke nods. He's heard of them, it’s a deal with Death and he is curious why she would make it. She's not a mage. “You want help with your spirits? You seem to have collected a lot of them.” 

“My entrance into the city was hard. We've been attacked, I have killed for money. Stolen things, I am not someone you want to know Justice.” 

“You are an assassin? Have you trained in Antiva with the Crows then?” 

“No, why?” 

“They have become Reapers before. I have met one before, months ago.” 

“Antivan Crow? I will have to remember that when I wake up, I don't always remember everything when I wake up.” 

“You are not supposed to; it’s too much for your mind. Come let's deal with your souls.” Justice helps her guide the souls and when she is done she thanks him and wakes up.

“Where are you?” Justice asks Hawke and she turns and narrows her eyes at him. He's shown up every time she has souls to deal with now. 

“Why does that matter?” Hawke is cautious and Justice smiles, she still hasn't even told him her name. 

“What is your name? I have helped you for weeks and you don't even tell me that.” 

“Hawke, everyone calls me that. It's my last name but only family is allowed to call me by my first name. You may call me Hawke.” 

“You won't tell me where you are? You still don't trust me?” 

“Would you?” Hawke counters and then ignores him to deal with her souls. Justice recognizes the woman standing with the infant and gasps. 

“You’re in Kirkwall. Why have I not seen you?” Now Hawke does look at him and draws her blades her souls racing back into her. 

“How would you be able to see me?” Hawke asks curious. 

“I possess a mage by the name of Anders.” 

“But you are not a demon.” Hawke is still not lowering her guard. 

“No. I am not; I was trapped outside the fade. He offered to host me, he is a mage healer. We came from Ferelden; we left when the blight was over and came here.” 

“I left when the blight was going on and came to Kirkwall with my family. Why would he agree to take you in?” Hawke is twirling one of her daggers as she continues the conversation.

“He and I became good friends fighting the dark-spawn.” 

“Do you control him?” She is twirling her blade and Justice smiles; it’s a nervous habit of hers. 

“Sometimes, usually I do not.” She nods and turns back to deal with her souls. Anders smiles at the memory. It had been weeks after that conversation that he had finally met her. That had been an interesting encounter.

Anders is concentrating on the child in front of him, all of his magic bringing the boy back from the brink of death. When it is done, he is exhausted and one of the volunteers helps him for a moment. Justice tells him she is here, also that she is with others. “I have made this place a sanctum of healing and salvation. Why do you threaten it?” Anders has his staff in front of him his hand glowing with flames.

“I mean you no harm. I am.” 

“Hawke?” Anders says when Justice confirms it’s her. 

“How do you know who I am?” Hawke still has no blades in her hands and Varric is impressed with her control. 

“I am Anders, how can I help you?” Anders douses the flames and bows at Hawke's shocked expression. 

“We heard you were a Grey Warden, we need to know if you know of any entrances into the Deep Roads. I'm Varric by the way.” Varric says smiling slightly to diffuse the tension. 

“I'm not going back to the Wardens; they made me give up my cat poor Ser Pouncealot.” Hawke's lips twitch at this. 

“You took a cat to the Deep Roads? Now this I have to hear.” She crosses her arms and cocking a hip in a familiar pose Justice has seen many times. 

“I have maps of the Deep Roads but I need you to help me first.” Hawke cocks her head, weighing and measuring him in a heartbeat. 

“Tell me what you want and I will tell you if we can come to an agreement.” 

“My friend he is a mage, I need to get him out of the circle to safety. I was in contact with him up until a week ago and now there has been no contact at all I fear for his safety.” 

“I am not breaking into the Gallows for you Anders.” Hawke shakes her head at him. 

“If I can get him out of the Gallows can you help him?” 

“Helping mages slip their collars is never a good idea.” Fenris says crossing his arms.

“I helped you slip yours, not all mages are bad. You even slightly tolerate Bethany.” Hawke looks over her shoulder at the elf. 

“She is helpful and related to you.” Fenris is defensive. 

“Thank You for the vote of confidence.” Bethany rolls her eyes at Fenris. It was Anders' first encounter with Bethany and she is by far the most attractive woman he's ever seen. Shorter than her sister she is all luscious curves with the same dark hair as Hawke though her eyes are turquoise and her hair falls around her shoulders in waves.

Tessa finishes her line of souls and looks around again. Still no Justice. It was odd for him to not be here but as Anders has been acting more erratic so has Justice. Hawke goes into the clinic to wait for Anders to return. 

Templars have come to the clinic thankfully when Anders wasn’t there and Bethany has panicked. For all the protection Anders skill provides him, they are getting too close. When Anders sees her outside of the clinic he pulls her up, keeping her hand she follows him into the clinic and then he is kissing her. She has melted into the kiss and he puts her on the desk standing between her legs as he keeps kissing her and running his hands through her hair. Putting his head on her chest he takes a breath. “Had to do that before I got caught, had to tell you I loved you have for ages.” 

“Well before we take this show any further, you need to know that is not going to happen.”

Bethany and Anders jump apart look to the shadows guiltily where Hawke stands. 

“You can’t tell me who to love Hawke.”

“Do not bring him into this Bethany, you have no right.” 

“I love your sister.” Anders keeps her behind him. 

“You love the idea of her, two mages helping the other mages against the Templars. Free the mages and each other. Sound familiar? Anders I will tell you once, get your hands off my sister and keep them off.” 

“Or what you’ll kill me? You wouldn’t do that you need Justice.” Anders retains Bethany's hand and position in front of her. 

“Do not bring him into this Anders; do not hide behind the monster in the light of day. Justice won’t protect you from me and I can and will keep doing my duty for the souls with or without his help. I do not need you, I want you. Remember the difference between the words.” A blade sinks into the hand that holds Bethany and Anders lets go of Bethany and takes the dagger out. “Do not cross me Anders, not in this.” 

“Not in anything? The mighty Hawke speaks and we all bow down to her wishes?” Bethany steps in front of Anders lacing her fingers with his and healing him. 

“Beth, don’t do this. Please believe me when I say he is wrong for you, will always be wrong.” 

“That is rich coming from a woman who sleeps with a mage hating elf.” Bethany has barely said the accusation before she is on the wall being choked. Hawke bangs her against the wall once, twice. 

“That is enough out of you Bethany.” 

“Hawke let her go now.” Justice is blazing out of Anders’ eyes and Hawke looks at Anders but does not let Beth go who is now going to purple. “You would kill your own sister for defying you? You would dictate who she loves when she cannot do the same for you?” Justice reasons with her. 

Hawke releases Bethany and turns to walk away. “Sleeping with the wolf seems to have rubbed off some of his bad manners.” Bethany snips and Hawke hits the wall next to Bethany’s head so hard her hand goes through the wall. She feels her bones break, bites back on the pain even as she puts her face in Bethany’s. 

“You will not speak to me of Fenris ever gain, are we crystal clear? You will not drag my personal life out in front of others ever again or so help me Bethany I will cut out your tongue and name you the mute mage.” Pulling her hand out of the wall Hawke winces at the parts of bone she can see. 

“Let me see that and I will heal you.” Bethany is reaching for the hand and Hawke is pulling away. 

“You have done enough for one day dear sister.” Hawke bites out turning away from Bethany but still knowing her sister is seething. 

“Hawke let Anders heal you if you don’t want me to.” Bethany says quietly. 

“Leave Bethany, please.” Hawke is begging, her rage is a living entity and is looking for an outlet. Carver walks in and looks at Hawke’s hand, the wall and Bethany. 

“I always miss the fun.” He grumps walking over to Bethany and catching her chin communicating silently the way twins can. 

“Carver, take Bethany back to the house please.” Hawke is still holding her hand. 

“She knows how to get there.” Carver comments and Hawke cuts him a glance and he puts his hands up. “As you wish, Anders do you have the tea for mother made?” Anders nods and hands the tea to Carver and only when the door is closed behind Bethany and Carver does Hawke swear eloquently about her hand.

“So I am not good enough to date your sister but you will use me for healing?” Anders asks and Hawke takes a deep steadying breath. 

“Anders, I do not need you to heal my hand. I can easily wrap it and let it heal on its own. I can go home and bathe in my own blood and it will heal as well. I came to make sure the Templars had not captured you and to make sure you were safe, the rest of this that came after that is just what it is.” 

“Will you let me heal you?” Anders asks tentatively, he is embarrassed the sisters have fought over him. Fenris and Varric come in as Anders is cleaning the hand and Hawke is pale with biting back the screams of pain. Fenris is at her side in a moment.

“What happened?” He asks and Hawke shakes her head and says, 

“Had a fight with my sister.” Anders raises his eyebrow in surprise at her candor. “Beth will tell Varric and he will tell the rest of you, easier to get it out there.” Hawke supplies in explanation. Hawke is leaning against Fenris as he traces a finger up and down her automatically comforting her. Varric smiles at that, for all he has hurt her she still reaches for him. For all he hates to be touched he seeks it from her. As if on cue both of them notice what they are doing and Fenris steps away even as Anders is done cleaning the wound and heals it.

“Your knuckles are destroyed, will take me a couple of sessions to fix them. Your entire hand was fractured which I can fix now but it will be painful.” Anders admits seriously. 

“Do what you can; I’ll take care of the rest later.” Hawke orders and Anders nods. Hawke swears long and loudly until Anders is exhausted and done. 

“I might just kill her for making me go through that much pain.” Hawke muses. 

“You did this to yourself.” Anders reminds her and Hawke's eyes flash at him. 

“She shouldn’t have said what she did. I will not rehash it Anders, let it be.” Hawke yanks her hand away from him bandaging it and finishes it herself. “Keep your hands off my sister; I will need Justice’s help tonight. Oh and thank you.” Hawke walks out then stops looking at Fenris and Varric and saying. “Did either of you need me?” 

“Thought you might be up for some action in low-town, not sure if you are still up for it with your hand the way it is though.” Varric gestures at the offending appendage. 

“Hunting the sisters Varric? It’s good money.” Hawke smiles as the dwarf looks guilty. “Fenris?” Hawke asks and unsheathes her blades. She twirls the swords and falters with the injured hand switching to the dagger. “Don’t let this one touch you Fen, it’s laced.” Fenris nods and comes at her with his blade. She is slip sliding all over the clinic as they spar and she is smiling and laughing at Fenris’ inability to catch her. Fenris’ markings glow though and he is there in a moment hand on her throat with her against the wall. 

“Got you.” Fenris smiles though Varric is laughing. 

“Elf, she has you by the balls literally.” Fenris looks down to see Hawke tapping his leg with the flat of her blade inches away from those balls. 

“If you two are done I need to get the clinic back in order.” Anders huffs at them both. Fenris releases Hawke though keeps a hand on her waist. 

“I would prefer you to wait until you are healed. But I will come with you to keep you safe.” Fenris offers and Hawke leans her head away from the temptation that is Fenris, keeps her feelings tamped down and nods. 

“Let’s go Varric; Silent sisters are haunting our streets.” Hawke winks at Varric. 

“At least they scream appropriately when you kill them.” Varric offers and Hawke smiles at that.

Hawke is a little more bruised and battered than normal after her fight with the sisters. Neither Fenris nor Varric have taken enough damage to warrant healing but she has. Combined with the reaping Hawke is dragging with fatigue and Fenris debates offering to help her. “Waiting for her to faint so you can be a rescuing prince?” Varric asks and Fenris frowns before he gets the reference. 

“No but I don’t want to get a knife in the gut for offering help when she doesn’t want it.” Fenris says quietly. “It’s a bit like balancing on the edge of one of her blades, go one way she slices you open go the other she laughs and your good.” He looks at Varric. 

“She won’t ask you won’t offer no wonder you didn’t work out.” Varric grouches to the elf. 

“What I did to her, she’ll never forgive me.” Fenris looks at the back of Hawke and debates helping her yet again. 

“Yes she did elf, otherwise you wouldn’t still be alive.” Varric says and Fenris stops at that. Fenris walks forward and scoops Hawke up earning a startled protest and a laugh at whatever Fenris says and Varric smiles. 

“Let’s get you home Hawke unless you want to see Anders?” 

“No, I can heal myself just get me to the Estate.” Fenris nods and takes her to the estate slipping in the side door she uses. Carrying her up the stairs she waves Varric off and insists on walking once they are up the stairs. Walking to her bathroom she starts the water running and lights a couple of candles. Stepping out of her armor she turns to see Fenris watching her and turns away again. “Clean up and get out of here Fenris, thank you for the lift.” 

“I’ll repair your armor and bring it back in the morning.” Fenris says scooping it up. 

“As you wish.” She sinks into the filled tub.

She is done with her bath and is in bed when Anders knocks on the door. “Come in Anders.” 

He opens the door and sees her in the bed her hair down and smiles. “How’s the hand?” She picks up a blade and twirls it with the usual dexterity. 

“It’s fine.” He walks over and she puts the blade down to show him her hand. 

“Remarkable, that would have taken me days to heal.” Hawke smiles at him and closes the book. 

“It works, did you need something else?” 

“Why?” He asks and they both know what he is asking. 

“Look at it from my point of view Anders. You are an abomination, you are a hunted apostate, and you are a radical. You are constantly in trouble and endanger anyone who knows you. Would you want your sister near that?” Anders moves away from her leans a hand on the fireplace. “Furthermore you aren’t willing to change any of that for her; you would rather drag her with you. She has never been in the circle, never been actively hunted by the Templars. She heals the sick and injured because she wants to. Until she met you she was a bystander and was happy that way.” 

“Bystanders don’t get things done.” Anders says looking at Hawke.

“You would watch her be drug off to the circle? Watch as she died for your cause? I can’t Anders, I won’t let her die for you or get hurt. What happens if you are caught or killed? Would you have her mourn you?” 

“You’re right, I hate it but you are right. I will let her go.” His voice is unsteady and Hawke chews her lip. 

“Need a friend?” Anders shakes his head no and leaves.


	13. Walk with me in the fade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NSFW- U have been warned....smut ahead
> 
> When Hawke wakes up hours later it is to Anders sitting in the chair at the foot of her bed. “What in the Maker are you doing?” He asks shaking his head. Hawke groans and covers her head with her pillow.

Hawke slips off to sleep and is a mixed bag of emotions when she sees Justice. He is wearing a dark blue sleeveless tunic and brown pants. His blade is over his shoulder and he is to her and wrapping her up in moments. Raining kisses down on her hair and then taking each finger of her injured hand he kisses them and then hugs her close again. “Fenris, Fenris shattered you.” He says low and almost feral. Hawke goes stiff in his arms, bites her lip even as he tilts her head to look at him. Justice is furious with Fenris, would love to rip the elf limb from limb. Knows Anders couldn’t best him in a fight either. “Let’s dispense of your souls and then you are coming with me.” Hawke nods at the reprieve. When the line stretches farther than Justice has seen it in a while. “What happened? What is this?” 

“Not all of these are mine.” Hawke says working on the ones in front of her. 

“No, some of them are confused, do you not know how to control who you reap?” Justice asks gathering a few of the souls up. 

“No, I had no idea there was a way to do that.” Hawke steadily works through her line. 

“There is but I have no idea how to teach you. You need to find another reaper.” Justice helps the ones he can and when they are done Justice takes her hand and they appear in front of a house.

“Welcome to my home.” Justice follows her into the house. It is small, one room with a bed, small kitchen, and a dining table. 

“I like it.” Hawke looks around and truly meaning it. 

“Tell me what happened with Fenris.” Hawke shakes her head no. 

“I can’t, Anders does not need that information.”

“Then he won’t have it.” Justice shrugs and sits on the bed next to her. 

Hawke turns her back to him when he starts massaging her shoulders and working all the knots out. “Fenris and I are complicated.” Hawke knows he will not leave it alone, knows if he says Anders won’t have the info he won’t besides it’s nice to talk to someone who can’t and won’t judge her on a regular basis. “I’ve never wanted someone that close to me. You have Anders’ memories of Fenris; you know what he has been through. Anyways, we and his markings and he left, told me he wouldn’t be collared by someone who could cause him so much pain. I’d never, he was my, ugh this is not what I want to talk about.” Hawke is embarrassed and Justice is radiating fury at Fenris. 

Justice wraps her up in his arms hugging and kissing her hair “Shh, it’s not like that, doesn’t have to be like that. You did nothing wrong.”

“I know that, but I must have. Why else would he say that? Why would he do that to me?” Hawke asks looking at Justice with tears in her eyes. 

“He wanted you to hate him, to move on from him. In his own way he was trying to save you all of this pain.” Hawke shakes her head and Justice catches her chin and turns her around and kisses her. 

Fenris was scared to be hurt, Justice knows she can’t hurt him and it shows as he pushes her back on the bed trailing kisses down her neck to her chest and then further down still. He teases at her pant string until she is moaning and releases her from them. Her boots are already off along with his and his arms form a cage around her and she’s never been so intimidated and turned on at the same time. He has his hands everywhere even as one hand is playing with her nipple while his mouth is on the other and his fingers dive deep and she is coming apart for him. As she closes her eyes in bliss head thrown back all she can see is Bethany with Anders between her legs and she is pushing at Justice. “Stop Justice, stop, I can’t Anders.” 

“Has nothing to do with this.” Justice is looking her in the eye though his fingers are still playing her like an instrument and she is trying to think clearly. “Tell me you do not want this; tell me you haven’t wanted this. Trust me Tessa trust me.” He has stilled his hands though does not remove them from inside her. Cupping her face with his free hand he runs his thumb over her lip as she bites it. He takes one of her hands and puts it on his shoulder, the other one he puts on his cock. “Touch me, your touch does not hurt me, you cannot hurt me” Hawke nods exploring his body with her hands “Sex is a physical expression of feelings Tessa, running my hands over you brings sensations you like. Same goes for me Tessa, I enjoy your touch just as much as you enjoy mine. Hawke sits up and pushes him back moaning as his fingers leave her. She watches his body and face as she traces hands all over him and up and down his cock enjoying his reactions. Her hands are deadly weapons but they can also bring pleasure. When it leaks a little Tessa dips her head to lick and Justice nearly comes undone. 

“Did I hurt you?” Tessa is moving away and he catches her. 

“No, just feels very very good.” 

“You taste delicious.” She tilts her head down licks again and then puts the head in her mouth and starts to suck. He moans low in his throat trying to reign in his reactions. 

“Tessa, need you now, must have you.” She nods as she straddles him and guides him inside he fights his control as she starts a slow ride. His hands are on her waist and then she is sucking on his thumb as she rides and he knows he is not going to last long. Meeting her from below she comes and he follows pulling her down to kiss her as he continues emptying and then resting her on top of him. 

“Thank you.” She says between kisses and he rolls her under him resting on his arms and staying joined with her. 

“You will be sore, take a bath.” Hawke closes her eyes one tear sliding out. “Don’t cry Tessa, I am here.” 

“Yes, here, in the fade I have to wake up to an empty bed.” Hawke is anguished and it is breaking his heart. 

“That is one thing I do regret, we will make the best of what we can.” Justice kisses her again and Hawke nods and curls up next to him wrapping herself around him as she sleeps.

When Hawke wakes up hours later it is to Anders sitting in the chair at the foot of her bed. “What in the Maker are you doing?” He asks shaking his head. Hawke groans and covers her head with her pillow. 

“Not ready to face you yet Anders.” 

“What part of we are one did not register in that head of yours? I see snatches of what happens in a dream. For the most part I can tune it out but last night I get a full on show of you two.” Anders is embarrassed and angry. 

“How much do you know?” Hawke asks fearfully. 

“Just you two having sex, all night he is hiding whatever you talked about. Would have hidden the rest too if he could. Physical things like that we can’t hide.” Anders is shrugging as he stays seated. 

“Then I am sorry you had to witness that, it was not my intention to make things hard for us.” Hawke shakes her head and stays where she is at under the covers. 

“You don’t get it Hawke. Because he loves you I do, because he wants you like that I do. We are one, doesn’t matter how much I don’t want it, doesn’t matter how much I fight it it’s there.” Anders bites leaning forward in the chair elbows on knees studying her. 

“Bethany?” Hawke asks raising an eyebrow. 

“I love her, Justice loves her. Same damn thing.” Anders admits putting his head in his hands and messing up his hair; 

“What are you saying then?” Hawke asks horrified. 

“For my sanity, I need you to stop. I do not want to love you Hawke, I don’t want those feelings for you. I cannot deny you Justice, I get it he helps you with the souls but could you go back to being just friends? Please?” Anders is pleading with her.


	14. Unintended Consequences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NSFW- You were warned. 
> 
> “Want to talk about it?” Isabella asks and gets an icy glare from Hawke. She is talking about it, in her head. Trying to figure out how to tell Justice they can’t be lovers anymore that it makes Anders uncomfortable and that Fenris doesn’t even want her anymore either. Isabella walks up to Hawke and slaps her. Hawke has Isabella on the bed with a blade at her throat in a moment and Isabella laughs. “There’s my girl. Ready to kill something or do you want to fuck me first?”

Hawke nods biting her lip and turning her head away. Anders casts heal and rejuvenate on her and leaves. When Fenris gets there she is fidgety and pacing. “Hawke?” Fenris asks watching her pace her hair up in a ponytail but not braided. She takes the armor and puts it down and then continues to pace. 

When he is still standing there a few minutes’ later Hawke stops and glares at him. “What?” 

“Viscount, remember? You have a meeting with the viscount this morning, you wanted me to go because you thought it might have something to do with the Qunari” Fenris is confused by this Hawke. 

“Oh right,” she turns and walks over to the armor and then turns around and starts pacing again. Varric comes in and watches her pace back and forth as well. 

“What gives?” Varric asks watching. 

“I don’t know, she’s not speaking but she isn’t getting dressed either.” Fenris crosses his arms leaning on the door frame watching her. 

“Hawke?” Varric asks and she spins and smiles at the dwarf. 

“Okay, everyone is here let’s go.” Hawke is walking out of the bedroom when Fenris grabs her hair and pulls her stop.

“You cannot meet the viscount in your nightgown Hawke.” Pulling her closer he sniffs her and his eyes go wide and then narrow. “Who did you have sex with that left you still wanting? I do not smell anyone on you.” 

Hawke puts her hands to Fenris’ chest and pushes away from him. “That is none of your business Fenris.” Rather than get dressed though she goes back to pacing. 

“Okay, I will tell the viscount we will see him this afternoon, Fenris she’s had sex with you so figure out how to fix this.” Varric turns to walk away. 

“No, just give me a minute.” Hawke is back to her armor and is all butterfingers. 

“Yeah no, this is not happening.” Varric walks out. Fenris grabs her when she comes close and kisses her. She is putty in his hands and he is trying to calm down. She is clenching her fists to not touch him and his emotions are wild. When she can't resist touching him he pushes her away turning away. 

“Maker help me I can’t.” Fenris admits as she stumbles away. 

“I’m sorry Fenris; I didn’t mean to hurt you.” Hawke puts her hands out in entreaty 

“Know this is not what I want.” Then he is gone and she is alone again.

She does manage to get into her armor but she is pacing again when Varric returns with Isabella in tow. “Fix it.” Varric orders and Isabella walks towards Hawke. 

“Want to talk about it?” Isabella asks and gets an icy glare from Hawke. She is talking about it, in her head. Trying to figure out how to tell Justice they can’t be lovers anymore that it makes Anders uncomfortable and that Fenris doesn’t even want her anymore either. Isabella walks up to Hawke and slaps her. Hawke has Isabella on the bed with a blade at her throat in a moment and Isabella laughs. “There’s my girl. Ready to kill something or do you want to fuck me first?” 

“Fuck you? How in the world would I do that?” Hawke asks removing the blade and looking at her and Isabella smiles then frowns. 

“Girls have fun all the time, I thought you and Fenris wait oh, oh you poor darling.” Isabella is reaching for Hawke and then retracting her hands when Hawke waves the dagger at her. 

“Fenris was your first? No wonder you haven’t been dealing with it well.” Varric ducks the knife sailing his way. “Now Hawke I am your friend. I could always get you good and drunk and you can tell me about it.” Varric offers and catches the next knife. 

“Oh I would love to corrupt you more, personally motto is handcuffs, whip cream and always be on top.” Isabella says and Hawke looks at her incredulously.

“I am not sure how that works and I don’t think I want to know.” Hawke takes the knives Varric hands her and pulling Isabella up off the bed. 

“There is always the Blooming Rose.” Varric suggests shrugging. 

“No, I am fine.” Hawke says shaking her head. 

“You are in need of a good fucking Hawke; promise you’ll feel better afterwards.” Isabella says. 

“Not going to happen, meeting with the viscount and though the son is good looking I think he swings the other way.” Hawke walks down the stairs. 

“He does, swings right into the Seneschal” Varric supplies wickedly. 

“Oh now that makes me sad, that Seneschal is very easy on the eyes.” Isabella jokes as they get into the street. Hawke is super aware of every one though, it’s as if all of her senses on fire. She makes it through the meeting and then plays some wicked grace with the others and then its bed time and she is dreading it. 

Anders comes in drunk and Hawke shakes her head at the mage as he offers her a drink. “Broke your sister’s heart figured I’d tell you myself before she could.” Anders says slurring and frowning. 

“I thought Justice didn’t let you get drunk anymore.” Hawke takes the bottle from him and taking a swig. 

“He is joining me tonight, seems we are ruining each other’s chances at love.” 

“Got it well here’s to that.” Hawke toasts taking a swig and handing it back to Anders. He takes another swig and then Hawke catches it before it falls. Hawke goes to get something to eat for Anders and when she gets back he is passed out on the bed.

Sighing she sips at the bottle, the drink makes her sleepy enough to crawl into bed next to Anders though he is on the top of the covers. She’s removed his boots and curls in on herself and sleeps. Justice is at his house and not drunk. “Tessa. I didn’t think you would come back.” Justice is lifting her and kissing her and she is melting into him trying to remember she needs to end this. “I know he wants us to end this, I can’t I won’t give you up.” Justice’s hands are lighting fires she does not want to put out, she has been achy and needy all day and he is more than willing to fill her. 

“Justice, Anders.” 

“I know, let him, he needs you I need you we want you.” She is nodding and being pulled out of the fade. Back in her bed Anders is awake with Justice blazing through and he kisses her hands molding her to him. 

“Justice, let him go. Anders must choose this; I must choose this, let me go.” Anders’ brown eyes look at her, he is between her legs and though she still has her nightgown on her panties are long gone along with his pants. 

“Hawke, I, I don’t want this, too soon, too much.” Hawke nods and moves Anders moans as she hits his very hard cock 

“No dammit, please no.” Justice has taken over again and is in her quickly. She shatters only to have him take her back up again and again. Justice is not letting her breathe, won’t let her do anything other than feel and Anders is screaming silently this is wrong. It is his hand that cups her face and his mouth that trails kisses up and down her body. It’s his body she runs her nails lightly over and takes into her mouth. With him there Justice is in feeling overload and with Anders arching into her they are finally exhausted. Lying tangled with her he vaguely registers someone coming up the stairs. 

“Anders? How could you? How could you Hawke? He was mine dammit!” Bethany is running down the stairs and Hawke is rousing to chase her as is Anders. Varric sees Bethany running down the stairs with Anders hot on her heels half-dressed and then sees Hawke who stops at the sight of Varric. 

“When I said you needed a good fucking I didn't mean by your sister's lover.” Varric sighs. 

“It was a good fucking though, woefully unintended consequences.” Hawke crosses her arms and then turning and grabbing her armor and getting dressed.

“Beth stop.” Bethany does long enough for Anders to catch her and push her against the building. “Stop, what you saw wasn't what you think it was.” 

“So you did not screw my sister?” Bethany crosses her arms and Anders closes his eyes in frustration. 

“I have no idea how to explain this. Maker help me she will kill me if I tell you this.” 

“Is this why you called it off with me because you were screwing her?” Bethany's tears should never be wasted on him. 

“Bethany, Anders, you need to move this to a more discreet location. You are calling way too much attention to yourselves.” Fenris pulls them both towards his house. “I will be gone for a few hours, you can use the mansion. Feel free to throw things at each other, stay out of my bed.” Fenris orders and leaves. Bethany laughs a little at that. 

“No I called it off with you because Hawke is right; so long as you are near me you are in danger. I couldn't bear it if something happened to you because of me.” Anders is running a hand down Bethany's arm and she puts a hand on his chest. 

“Explain this morning then.” Bethany demands and goes to stand by the book case. 

“I can't. I was drunk; she was drunk I woke up.” Anders hates himself for this lie, needs to keep her at arm’s length. 

“Tessa never gets drunk Anders, not ever.” 

“She was last night or at least she was tipsy enough with me for neither of us to say no.” Anders says turning away from her, he can't face her and tell the lies. “I need to go and get my clothes; did you need Hawke for something?” Anders asks walking away from her.

“I wanted to tell her Bertrand was looking for her, he came by the house.” 

“Do you want me to tell her or are you coming back to the estate?” 

“You can tell her, I don't care to face my sister right now.” Bethany leaves.

Fenris is headed back in when they leave. He does not miss that Anders smells like Hawke.  
Anders heads back up the stairs to Hawke's bedroom and is relieved she is not there. “Ah Blondie, thought you might be back for your clothes.” 

“Varric not now.” 

“You need to extract yourself from Hawke very quickly. Not sure what her end game in this triangle is but Fenris will not like the extra player.” Varric says seriously. 

“They ended things between them.” Anders is already weary of this conversation. 

“They did but I don't think either of them actually did it. You have seen them together; does it look ended to you?” Varric asks rubbing his forehead. 

“Varric, stay out of my personal life. Anders, I am sorry just doesn't cover what happened enough. If I can talk to you alone about it that would be great.” 

“Fine fine, I get it when I'm not needed.” Varric leaves and Hawke sits on her bed cross legged looking at Anders as he dresses. 

“You and Justice, I had no say in that. I don't even have the words to cover what happened there.” Anders is shaking his head not looking at her. 

“It was wrong on both of our parts. I will end things with Justice; it complicates things far more than I am willing to take them.” Hawke is happy her voice isn't betraying her.

“If you truly mean that than thank you if however you plan on making me a silent screaming partner of this threesome please just kill me.” Anders requests seriously still not looking at her. 

“I promise to end things with Justice. I will not force you again Anders.” Hawke walks out. 

Hawke’s line of dead is paltry compared to what it has been in the past couple of weeks. She finishes with them quickly and then goes to the house and sits on the bed. She is reveling in the fact it smells like him and it makes her sad. 

Hawke is crying, Justice has no idea how to deal with this, he can hear her crying through the door and he is not sure if he should leave or face the tears. He walks in; placing his sword near the door he walks tentatively over to the bed and notices her boots are near the door as well. Her swords lay against the wall but she is still carrying her knives, an impressive array of them. “Tessa?” Justice asks tentatively and she stops her crying wipes away the tears and turns to face him. 

“I’m sorry.” She says and shakes her head when he would go near her. “If you touch me I won’t be able to do what I need to. I won’t, I can’t, and we can’t. Why am I crying? I am furious with you what you did to Anders was wrong. We can’t continue like this. I can’t do that to Anders and why didn’t you tell me about Bethany?” Justice runs his fingers through his hair and it makes Tessa want to touch it. She sits on her hands and wonders when she found the way Justice moves so sexy? He is all bulky muscle that is unyielding and utterly devoted to his cause. Shaking her head no again she scoots back to the corner when he sits on the bed near her. 

“I will concede what I did to Anders was wrong, but he feels those feelings for you too otherwise he wouldn’t have given in. We are one, what I feel he does.”

“He loves my sister, wants my sister. She is a mage she could walk here freely as well though my bargain keeps her from it.” 

“If she comes she has to bring you?” Justice asks curious now. 

“Anders may have this knowledge. She was 10, I was 13. Bethany was a late bloomer when it came to her magic but when it did it was interesting. She’s primary creation with a minor in primal so her expression of magic was to bring nature indoors. My father was happy at least one of us got his magic. He started teaching her and all was going well. On her 10th birthday though she went to the fade and pulled a demon. She pulled a Vengeance demon and he wanted her. I have no idea how but she ran to me with the demon hot on her heels and I made a bargain. I bargained my service for her life; she would never have made a good host to a Vengeance demon. She doesn’t have the stomach for it. I have no magic so it couldn’t possess me but it could make me a reaper to do its service. I was made Reaper, my sister got to keep her soul and I started to learn to fight. Took me years to calm the rage, the urge to kill rides me hard almost every moment of every day. On occasion I have to reap a specific soul but for the most part it leaves me alone.” 

“That’s where you go on occasion then, to deal with the demon?” Justice says trying to keep from touching her but needing to touch her. 

“Yes, it approves of my association with you though it is jealous. Tell me about Bethany.” Tessa demands getting up and walking to the table. 

“I don’t want to.” Justice says ducking his head and Tessa smiles. 

“Oh and what would you rather do?” Justice looks at her his eyes dilating as she walks over to him hips swaying. He catches her by the hips and pulls her close when she comes in range. Looking up at her as she stands above him legs apart but not sitting on him he frowns. 

“You told Anders you would end things with me.” Justice reminds her hates himself the moment he does. 

“I am I have to. Anders does not see me in that light and neither do I. I have to respect that about him Justice, he has feelings for my sister. Feelings he cannot have and hope to live, I have to figure out what I want and I have a lot of things to get done.” He pulls her head down and kisses her hooking his hand behind her knees to make her sit and she is pushing him back on the bed deepening the kiss. “No!” Hawke says shaking her head. She is off him and across the room quickly grabbing her swords and sheathing them. He catches her arm as she is leaving and he pushes her against the wall hands roaming and kissing her again. “I have to let you go. Let me go and we will remain friends, force me and I will destroy you.” Tessa places her head on his chest fingers tangled in his shirt. Justice tips her head up and kisses her pouring everything they could have been into it. She responds and he tastes her tears breaking the kiss and feathering one on her head. Wiping her tears away he opens the door for her and watches as she walks away.


	15. Pay the Way with Blood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “No, let me go with them.” Bethany is in full fit mode and Hawke is cursing even as she spins around and cold cocks her sister having her collapse with Carver catching her.

Hawke is soaking in the tub at the estate. When they had cleared the slavers out of the estate Hawke had squatted there its been over a year since then. Fenris knocks on the door tentatively and Hawke sighs putting her book down and putting a towel over her chest sits up wincing at the cut on her leg. “Yes Fenris?” 

“Why am I not going with you to the Deep Roads?” He turns his head away and looks at the wall though turns back when he realizes the water is bloody. “You are injured. Why have you not had Anders fix that?” Fenris wants to go to her forces himself to stay still. 

“I don't need Anders to fix it Fenris.” Hawke says feeling the cut healing. 

“I did that with my blade, my apologies.” Fenris knows it to be true. 

“It is nothing; I want you here to guard Bethany. We will be gone for weeks and in that time Danarius might come back to the mansion and I know you want to kill him. This way you get to stay in the city and someone I trust can stay with Bethany and my mother.” Hawke says quietly looking into those eyes. 

“Hawke I,” 

“Leave Fenris, I am in no mood for your company tonight.” Fenris leaves and Hawke picks her book back up though sighs in frustration when another knock interrupts her. “Varric, how can I help you? Grab a chair and keep it facing the other way.” Varric nods and does as requested. 

“Nice rack Hawke.” She laughs at that. 

“You have seen it before, what do you want?” Hawke asks not even hiding her chest now. 

“Deep Roads. Bertrand is getting antsy.” Hawke bits her lip a bit and then fills the tub more. 

“Tell Bertrand we will be ready to go in three weeks. Let me know if he needs more time.” 

“Who's coming with us?” Varric asks curiously. 

“You, Carver, myself and Anders.” 

“No Bethany or Merrill?” 

“Mother won't let me take them both, I don't trust Merrill and we need Anders because he is a Grey Warden and I'd like to know when we are meeting them.” 

“You don't trust him with her but you trust her with Fenris?” 

“If the apostate mage can manage to convince the mage hating elf she is welcome to give him access to her bed.” Hawke says bitterly. 

“Why are you bathing with blood in the tub are you injured?” Anders asks entering the bathroom and Hawke glares at him and lifts her leg out of the tub. 

“I was I am not now.” She uses her dagger to slice through and then pulls out the stitches. 

“Bathing in blood heals you?” Varric asks intrigued. 

“No, bathing in my blood heals me. Part of the Reaper package. However it takes a lot out of me so everyone leave I had intended on a long soak and part of a book. I do not want company.” Anders leaves. 

“When I asked Fenris about you two he said there was no sweeping involved.” Hawke smiles though looks at the wall so Varric won't see it. 

“It is what it is Varric.” Hawke admits tears sliding down her face.

Walking through the High-town market Hawke’s attention is caught by a help wanted ad. Looking closer at it she frowns and waves Aveline over. “Missing wife, wouldn’t this fall under your job description?” 

“Not if it was deemed she might have left him which she might have.” Aveline shrugs her shoulders. 

“Reward is decent, let’s see what we can dig up.” Hawke heads over to the address. Knocking on the door they are greeted by a gray haired man who is fraught with worry who introduces himself as Gustav. 

“You are here about my wife?” he asks and Hawke nods. 

“Nanette is her name, it is no secret she had problems but we were working through them. Now her family thinks I did something to her. I need to find her.” 

“Okay so the only reason you are looking for her is because her family is asking?” Varric asks and the man shakes his head yes.

“Well you’re a gem.” Bethany says and Carver smiles at that. 

“When was the last time you saw her? Who else would notice she is missing?” Hawke asks. 

“It’s been a few weeks since she disappeared and she had visited the Blooming Rose on a regular basis.” 

“Anything else?” Carver asks and the man shakes his head no. 

“I’ll see what we can find.” Hawke says and leaves.

“So Junior, told Hawke yet?” Varric asks and Hawke stops. 

“Told me what?” Hawke looks at her brother now. 

“Merrill and I are getting married, would have told you sooner but you’ve been busy.” Carver says looking everywhere but at her. 

“Congrats, when’s the wedding?” Hawke asks and Bethany is startled. 

“Wait so he can marry a blood mage but I can’t have a relationship with,”

“An abomination?” Hawke supplies,

“A revolutionist?” Varric says, 

“A man that will probably get you killed or locked up?” Carver offers and Bethany throws her hands up in surrender. 

“Fine I get it.” Bethany tries to storm off. Carver catches her elbow and hangs onto her as she throws a fit. 

“Beth, settle down. If you want to help Anders in the clinic than do so but know you will have a guard with you at all times. Being around Anders will get you noticed and potentially hurt two things I won’t let happen.” Hawke says and Bethany shakes her head. 

“Why don’t you just lock me up in the circle, then you won’t have to worry about it so much.” 

“Hawke, Templars.” Varric says and Hawke swears. 

“Carver get her out of here.” Hawke orders heading towards the Templars. 

“No, let me go with them.” Bethany is in full fit mode and Hawke is cursing even as she spins around and cold cocks her sister having her collapse with Carver catching her. 

“Get her out of here Carver; I’ll deal with her later.” Carver nods at Hawke’s order. 

“Dammit, wish Isabella was with us.” Hawke keeps moving towards the Templars. 

“Why oh, you’ve got enough to make them look Hawke just sway your hips a little more and smile, not that one Hawke that one looks like you want to murder them, better.” Varric coaches as the Templars follow her progress and don’t look at Carver and Bethany. 

“What you don’t think they’ll look at me?” Aveline says. 

“They dismiss you the moment they see the uniform Aveline, now get you out and there is plenty to appreciate.” Varric smiles even as Aveline blushes and leaves to get to her post.


	16. Hurt me Please

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Lovely I can smell your interest, whoever he was prove to yourself he doesn’t hold you anymore. Only way to get over someone is to move on, I can help you if you let me.” Juniper is tracing her lips again with his finger “I’ll even beg if you like, please my lovely touch me, let me help you.” There is something on his finger, where he touches her tingles sending signal to her body to react and Hawke knows this.

“Blooming rose?” Hawke asks and Varric smiles, “you going to turn all coy and embarrassed this time?” 

“Just because I am well versed in matter of death does not mean I am well versed in other pleasures.” Hawke cuts a glance at Varric. 

“That you would equate death with pleasure in the same sentence as sex tells me you have not had enough of either.” 

“I’ve had two one night stands Varric. Neither man wanted to pursue a relationship with me after the deed so I am thinking there is truly something wrong with me.” Hawke admits in a bit of candor that surprises Varric. 

“Don’t give up on Broody Hawke, you two just have extra issues you should have worked out before sheet wrestling. “ 

“Promise you’ll give me the same speech I gave Bethany if I try again with Anders?” Hawke asks opening the door to the Rose. 

“Promise.” Varric says nodding.

“Isabella, fancy meeting you here.” Hawke sees the pirate sitting at one of the tables. 

“Your uncle is here as well.” Isabella indicates Gamlen at the bar. 

“Yeah he comes here every three or four days. Has a favorite by the name of Henrietta.” Hawke says and Isabella rolls her eyes. 

“Of course you would know that, know how many times I come here.” Isabella asks and Hawke smiles. 

“I do, I even know you have a favorite spot you like to have hot wax dripped on while you get taken from behind.” 

“How would you.” 

Hawke smiles again and laughs at the pirate. “Really I thought your motto was handcuffs, whip cream always be on top?” Hawke winks at the pirate. 

“Riviani, I swear you’re tastes get weirder and weirder the longer I know you.” Varric shakes his head. 

“Where did you get the idea about wax and that position?” Isabella asks Hawke truly intrigued. 

“One of the books I found in the estate, seems one of the members of my family liked that sort of book.” Hawke shrugs as they approach the Madame. 

“How can I help you?” Madame Luisine runs the place with her male partner. They are an interesting team and she is every inch the brothel Madame in a cloak, waist cinch and orlesian silk gown. 

“Need to talk to Nanette if possible.” Varric drops a sovereign on the table. 

“She has not been here in weeks, you may speak to Juniper if you like, and he was close to her.” Madame takes the coin and smiles at Varric. Hawke nods and heads to the room indicated.

Juniper answers the door; he is a shorter elf with red hair and green eyes. “Today is my rest day but I will make an exception for you.” He reaches out to trace a finger down Hawke’s face and she braces for the touch. “There now pretty, come to me I will make you happy.” He takes her hand and pulls her forward and both Varric and Isabella can see the tension rolling off of her. 

“I appreciate the offer, but I am here for information.” Hawke is disentangling herself from the elf. 

“I will trade answers for kisses, with that much tension you know you need the release.” Juniper is tracing her lips as he says this and leans in to kiss her. 

“Don’t hurt me please.” Hawke whispers and she is out the door and out of the Blooming Rose hand on the wall gulping air. Varric gets the information they need and then goes out to see Hawke pacing and rubbing her arms. 

“Hawke?” Varric asks and she spins to look at him. 

“Sorry, I just and I’m sorry did you get the information we needed?” Hawke is trying to talk herself into being okay and she can’t. 

“Easy Hawke, breathe.” Varric stays where he is at doesn’t approach her and Fenris comes around the corner. 

“Varric?” Fenris asks, he hasn’t noticed Hawke yet. Hawke spins at his voice, sees it is indeed Fenris and is gone in a blink of an eye having scaled one of the buildings and taken off across the rooftops. 

“Blooming Rose?” Fenris asks and Varric sighs. 

“Broody, I don’t think I want to see you right now. Did you have to shatter her? Did you take pleasure out of it?” Fenris crosses his arms at the dwarf, debates on how much to tell the dwarf, how much the dwarf knows and how many times Hawke will make him pay for giving the information. 

“I know you were her first, I know you left.”

“Let it be Varric, it’s done.” Fenris shakes his head. 

“It’s not Fenris, she cannot move past you, you are the one she will measure them all by you who shattered her.” 

“Leaving her was the hardest thing I have ever done Varric, it was not done lightly and I did not plan it. I wanted her to hate me; I need her to hate me.” 

“Maker help you both she still loves you.” Varric says shaking his head as he leaves. “Hawke you good?” Varric asks as he passes a corner and Hawke falls into step with him. 

“Yes, sorry about that. Where are we headed?” 

“Gallows, there was a Templar named Ser Emeric who’s been working on this case as well. Mine as well see if we can trade some notes with him.” Varric says and Hawke nods. Carver catches up to them and catches Hawke’s arm.

“Mother wants you over for dinner tonight, she is not happy with you at all.” 

“Fine, I will come home for dinner. Nothing like being told you are worthless and horrible after a day of viscounts, Arishok, and brothels.” Hawke grouches and Varric laughs. 

“Why were you at the Blooming Rose?” Carver asks looking at her. 

“I thought I might lose my maidenhead to a tall blonde who calls himself Lusty.” Hawke says with a wink and Carver groans. 

“That is so not what I want to hear. Ugh now I have that image you are a cruel woman sister, utterly cruel.” 

“We leave for the Dark Roads in three weeks, is that long enough for you to marry Merrill? Or do you want to wait until we get back?” Hawke asks looking at her brother. 

“Elvin elder has agreed to marry us next week.” Carver says smiling.

“No church wedding?” Varric asks and both Hawke and Carver shake their head no. 

“We weren’t raised to believe in the Maker Varric. We are worshipers of life and death and the joy of family.” Carver states seriously. 

“Not a bad thing to believe in.” Varric admits as they reach the Gallows.

“Ser Emeric? I am trying to help Gustav find his wife Nanette, one of her friends said you were looking for her as well.” Hawke asks the older Templar. 

“I am I think she is linked in a series of murders but I have no proof. I have my notes from a mage that disappeared Mharen.” Hawke takes the notes and pockets them for further read and peppers Emeric with questions about the other ladies and disappearances. “I wanted to look at a low-town location but I haven’t had the chance.” Emeric says and rattles of the address. Varric nods and they head there. Walking to the middle of the room once they are in Hawke finds a crate and sits down. 

“What are you doing?” 

“Hush.” Carver silences Varric and stands in front of Hawke holding her hand. 

“Interesting.” Hawke opens her eyes and smiles at Carver. Taking a rag out of her pocket she dabs at the blood under her nose and Carver tilts her chin up and nods. 

“What did you see?” Carver asks and Hawke shakes her head gripping Carver as the flashes flood her and then leave her in a flash. 

“There are many deaths here, some mages but not one that answers to that name. One said a foundry in low-town might help us.” 

“Do all the souls of the city have to travel through you?” Varric asks and Hawke shakes her head no. 

“I attract the violent deaths, ones where the soul thinks it is wrong for it to be dead. I work with the demon Vengeance so old and young don’t normally want that emotion so I don’t get them.” Hawke says smiling at Varric. 

“Can he possess you?” Varric asks warily. 

“No, no matter what I do or don’t do he cannot possess me I don’t have any magic to tempt him I am very mortal.” Hawke says and Varric sighs.

“I used to know normal people with normal problems. Now I miss that.” Varric grumbles as they get to the Foundry. Dark has fallen and Carver smiles as Merrill comes to join them. 

“Get lost on the way to the house?” Hawke asks and Merrill nods. 

“Daisy, use the ball of twine if you need to.” Varric says patting the elf on the arm. 

“It’s just so confusing with all these buildings; this is not your house is it?” Carver laughs and shakes his head. 

“No, we need to investigate something in here want to come with us?” Carver says and Merrill nods. As they enter Hawke sees a mage leaving, racing to follow she is stopped when a pride demon appears in front of her along with a desire and rage demon with some shades. 

“Oh fun.” Hawke slips behind the desire demon and stabbing it in the back. Carver takes the head off the pride demon and catches two of the shades in the same swing. Varric has shot a volley of arrows and Merrill is keeping the Rage demon pinned with rocks. Rage demons are pure fire and not easy to take down for the melee types. Desire demons look like whatever you desire most and can have you stripping in the middle of a fight. Pride demons are tough and tower over the others their aura making you think you are not worthy to be in their presence. Hawke concentrates on anger and fear making the shades solid enough to kill. Desire demon catches Hawke’s arm and turns her and she is looking at Fenris, all lean muscles and markings and he is leaning towards her to kiss her and she stabs the thing in the stomach and slices its head off. Shaking as the backwash hits her Hawke reaches for her anger again and finishes the last of the shades as Merrill finishes the rage demon. They search the rooms and finally find a sack of bones with a ring in it. 

“It might be Nanette’s.” Varric says and Hawke nods. Carver takes Merrill to the house and makes Hawke promise to be there shortly. “You aren’t going are you?” Varric asks when they get close to the Gallows. 

“No, she isn’t going to change my mind about the Deep Roads, she isn’t going to ask if I liked my presents, she will bemoan the fact father is dead and or the fact she hates living with Gamlen.” Varric stays silent at the revelation. “Ser Emeric, I think we found the body of Nanette, I haven’t seen any indication of Mheran though.” Hawke says and hands him the remains. 

“I will see if I can confirm these were or weren’t Mheran.” Emeric says and Hawke nods and they leave. Headed to Gustav’s house Hawke stops on the stairs for a moment steeling herself for this. Knocking on the door Gustav opens it and Hawke hands him the ring. 

“Was this Nanette's?” 

“Yes, eternal love now and forever, I had this done during happier times. I thank you, where did you find it?” Gustav asks and tears are going down his face. 

“She is dead Gustav, I am sorry for your loss.” Hawke offers and Gustav nods handing her the reward payment. 

“Blooming Rose, yay.” Hawke is false cheer managing to get through the door of the place without shuddering. 

“Ah, my lovely I promise not to hurt you unless you want me to.” Juniper approaches and Hawke steps away. 

“I bring you news of your friend Nanette Juniper, I appreciate the offer but I am not interested.” 

“Lovely I can smell your interest, whoever he was prove to yourself he doesn’t hold you anymore. Only way to get over someone is to move on, I can help you if you let me.” Juniper is tracing her lips again with his finger “I’ll even beg if you like, please my lovely touch me, let me help you.” There is something on his finger, where he touches her tingles sending signal to her body to react and Hawke knows this. 

“Varric?” Hawke asks and she can’t look away from Juniper. 

“You’re call Hawke.” When Juniper runs a hand from waist to breast and pulls her close to kiss her, his kiss is tentative asking and Hawke closes her eyes and sees another set of green eyes, feels another set of hands pulling her close and it’s a physical blow when she hears the words he wouldn’t be chained to her, didn’t want her and she shoves him away has blades in her fingers and Varric is pushing her back hanging onto her blades so she doesn’t kill the man. 

“Nanette is dead. Whatever is on your fingers is very potent; make sure you wash it off before you go to bed. Touch me again and I will kill you. Also why me? I came in here with another woman and you went for me, even ignored the dwarf.” Hawke shakes her head clearing the last of the cobwebs. 

“You are gorgeous, have an air of danger mixed in with a little loneliness, looked like you needed the release.” Juniper is nursing a split lip. 

“You thought I was broken.” Hawke accuses and Juniper nods. “Maybe I am and I appreciate the effort but sometimes those of us that are broken would like to stay that way.” Hawke leaves. Varric smiles as she begs off Hanged Man and heads towards Gamlen's house.

“You came.” Leandra is surprised when Hawke comes through the door.

“Carver said you weren't happy with me, figured I would get that over with.” 

“You hit your sister! What would possess you to do that?” Leandra is the perfect picture of motherly outrage all silver hair bouncing and turquoise eyes flashing. 

“She was calling attention to herself when a group of Templars were headed towards us, figured knocking her out and getting her to safety was more important than trying to reason with her.” Hawke shrugs and Leandra glares at Bethany. 

“Did she tell you she slept with my boyfriend?” Bethany snips and Hawke bursts out laughing. 

“Anders is an apostate mage who wants to free all the other mages any means necessary. I was drunk, he was drunk it happened please let it go.” Hawke finally says and Leandra shakes her head. 

“I have told you about the drinking Tessa, it's dangerous for you but of course you aren't going to listen to me will do whatever you want with whomever you want.” 

“She also slept with Fenris.” Bethany says and Hawke cuts her a glare. 

“Two men? Tessa I thought we taught you better than that.” Leandra is disappointed and it stings. 

“Fenris left me; I am done talking about this.” Hawke turns away from them all. 

“I'm sorry sis, I didn't know. I never would have said those things.” Bethany reaches for Hawke, who side-steps out of habit and moves to the other side of the tiny house. 

“Anything else?” Hawke asks and Leandra shakes her head. “Then I bid you goodnight.” Hawke turns to leave. 

“You aren't going to eat with us?” Leandra asks and Hawke shakes her head no and leaves.

Hawke is at Fenris' house without even realizing she is there. Knocking she almost leaves when Fenris answers. “Hawke?” 

“Can I borrow the lute in the library?” Hawke asks without preamble and Fenris lets her in.

“I didn't know you played.” Hawke doesn't answer merely walks to the lute and picks it up. “I'll return it in the morning, just need to kill some time tonight.” Hawke says and Fenris wants to say something anything. 

“Play for me.” Fenris asks and Hawke pauses. Turning around she goes to the foot stool and sits down and starts tuning the strings. When she is done she strikes a few chords and makes some changes. She lets her fingers dance over the chords in a light airy tune and then plays a popular tavern song. She does not offer her voice and Fenris doesn't ask merely sitting in his chair watching Hawke get lost in the music. Hawke plays for a couple hours ending with a haunting song that has Fenris thinking of his time as a slave in Tevinter when she finishes and puts the lute back. “Thank you.” Fenris says and she nods and leaves.


	17. Wolves in the Chantry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Not how this works Fen, I don't need lyrium; I need to get my head-space figured out. For all your gorgeous markings they do me no good for my task of reaping souls.” Carver kneels next to her and she links her fingers in his, he is an anchor in her ocean of pain.

“There is a Sister Patrice who has a high paying mission if you want it.” Varric says and Hawke tilts her head at him and ponders it. 

“We have enough to do the expedition but all money is good.” Hawke nods and Varric fills her in on the details. Headed to Low-town with Varric, Fenris, Carver and Merrill they see a sister getting set up for a mugging by a group of Dog Lords. 

“I swear there is an idiot born every day.” Varric watches as the Dog Lords spring the trap and Hawke and group kill them. 

“I thank you for the rescue, if you are here for the mission you need to come with me.” Sister Patrice says without even asking for introductions. She is a buxom blonde with short hair and piercing blue eyes. Her Templar escort makes Merrill nervous but does not make a move to take Merrill into custody. Following her to the safe house they enter and Hawke takes a breath when she sees the Qunari mage. “I call him Ketojan which means bridge. I wish to free him; I have arranged passage for him if you can get him out of the city.” Hawke knows Fenris is not going to like this figures she doesn't really care right now the money is worth it. 

“We cannot walk through the streets even at night with an 7ft chained and shackled Qunari.” Hawke says. 

“This house has a passage to the warrens you can use.” Patrice offers and Hawke smells trap but nods anyways. Ketojan doesn't say a word, merely follows Hawke and group. 

“Always someone trying to get through the tunnels, always good money in making sure they don't make it.” A man says and Hawke smiles as she draws her blades. “Pretty pet you have there; do you keep all your lovers chained?” The man asks and then Ketojan is casting energy bolts and Hawke is slicing throats and anything else that comes in range.

When the bodies are done Hawke approaches the mage. “Easy Ketojan, it's over please stop.” Ketojan stops and grunts. “Still can't talk huh, we'll have to work on that. Why did you attack? Was it because they threatened me?” Hawke is truly curious and Ketojan grunts and grumbles. 

“I can understand that blind instinct.” Fenris says and smiles at Hawke. 

“Feel free to help in the fighting if you like just make sure you stay in control.” Hawke says and Ketojan nods. They fight a couple more groups but nothing huge as they get out of the tunnels though Varric curses. There is an entire group of Qunari there to greet them. 

“You will hold Basra vashedan. I am Arvaarad, and I claim possession of Saarebas at your heel.” Masked one says and Hawke tenses. “The members of his Karataam were killed by Tal-Vashoth, but their disposal leads only here, to Saarebas and you.” He continues and Hawke is trying to figure out what the mask is talking about. 

“His unit was killed, there is a trail leading to us.” Fenris supplies seeing the confusion and Hawke nods.

“We just got here, coming from the other way. If there was a trail we did not leave it.” Hawke reasons hands still off her weapons.

“Yet you are here with Saarebas. The crime is his freedom; his leash held by an unknowing Basra We will not allow that danger to continue. Let your own mages doom you, Saarebas will be properly confined.” 

“What if he does not wish to go back?” Hawke asks and several of the Qunari put hands on their weapons. Mask walks forward up to Ketojan. 

“Saarebas! Show that your will remains bound to the Qun.” Ketojan kneels before mask and Merrill starts to step forward only to be grabbed and shoved behind Carver by Fenris. “He has only followed you because he wants to be led. He is allowed no other purpose.” 

“I have met with the Arishok, he will not like an ally challenged.” Fenris curses at Hawke's comment even as mask says. 

“Claiming to know the will of the Arishok with Saarebas in your care is maraas imekari, a child bleating without meaning. The Arishok knows what is to be done with Saarebas who lose their Arvaarad. There is no greater threat to their control.” 

“Saarebas means mage and you are Arvaarad?” Hawke asks trying to peace it together. 

“I am a leash holder I hunt those in the gray who have left the Qun or Baas who have not yet been enlightened.” Arvaarad says and Hawke debates the weapons. 

“You don't care that someone abused your dead to get you here?” Hawke asks curious.

“No doubt they were cast from your shoulders as you or your partner thieves grew weak. It is a crime whose victims are beyond caring it will be dealt with, but the greater threat is clear. It is my role to secure Saarebas. It is the role of another to purge the perversions of your kind.” 

“He is bound and collared and you want him caged why?” Merrill says from behind Carver. 

“The power he has, that all Saarebas have, draws from the chaos and demons. They can never be in control.”

“You fear them.” Carver accuses and Hawke smiles. 

“We leash Saarebas because they are dangerous and contagious. Not even your Templars fully grasp that threat.”

“I will not hand him over; he will choose his own path.” Hawke drops to fighting stance. 

“He wants what the Qun demands. He is nothing else. You, Basra, your kind have no sense. The opportunity for reason will be forced upon you.” Mask says taking a rod out that shoots a containment spell onto Ketojan. 

“Parshaara Hawke.” Fenris says as he takes the head of masked guy and squares off against more. 

When all of the Qunari are dead Hawke approaches Ketojan. “Can you stand?” Ketojan points to the rod near Arvaarad’ s corpse and Hawke hands it to Fenris who hits the right keys so he can stand. 

“I am unbound, odd, wrong, but you deserve honor. You are now Basvaarad, worthy of following. I thank your intent, even if it was wrong. I know the will of Arvaarad. I must return as demanded. It is the wisdom of the Qun.” As Ketojan says this he is walking towards the water and they follow him. 

“So after all of this you want to die?” Carver asks confused. 

“I do not want to die; I want to live by the Qun.” Ketojan stops by the water and it laps at his feet. 

“Which means dying?” Varric asks. 

“Yes. Is that hard to grasp?” Ketojan asks not even looking at them now. 

“Arvaarad lost to us; maybe he was wrong about your death too?” Merrill asks and Ketojan glances over his shoulder at the mage. 

“Losing to you does not make him wrong. He spoke the Qun. I have chosen. It is bred in the bone.” 

“Go back to Sister Patrice if you prefer.” Hawke is pleading. 

“The sister was not honest.” Ketojan says and Hawke raises an eyebrow at that. 

“What do you mean?” Varric asks. 

“I cannot say what she wanted, but it was certainly not of the Qun and her guard smelled of death.” Ketojan says and Fenris nods. 

“Others of your kind live outside the Qun, you could join them.” Hawke offers. 

“They are not my kind. I am Qunari, they are not.” Ketojan says and turns to face Hawke. 

“They have chosen to be free.” Carver points out. 

“Free? They have refused what they are. I can't choose not to be.” Ketojan states shaking his head. 

“Could you have returned if we had let the others live?” Varric asks quietly. 

“No.” 

“You were doomed from the start?” Hawke is furious. 

“I was outside my Karataam I may be corrupted. I cannot know. How I return is my choice.” Ketojan says looking down at the ground. 

“Of all the ridiculous, spineless, mind-controlled, senseless piece of shit arguments I've ever heard!” Hawke shakes her head in frustration. 

“What comfort has freedom brought your mages? You would have more if you submitted to the Qun.” Ketojan responds. 

“Please don't.” Merrill begs. 

“If you force choice, it is not choice. Your doubt does not make me wrong.” Ketojan looks at Merrill. Turning away he bursts into flames and is dead in moments. Merrill is hiding her face in Carver's chest and Hawke shakes her head walking away. 

“Patrice may not have known about this but she still set this trap.” Varric reasons and Hawke nods walking away from the carnage but not fast enough, the mages soul hits her like a sledge hammer and she grits her teeth hitting her knees and putting her head on the sand. 

“Not again.” Carver says knowing Anders is nowhere near here. 

“Give me a second, I can do this. Ugh even in death these guys fight each other!” Hawke tries to separate and settle the different souls. 

“Use me if you need to Hawke.” Fenris says his markings blazing. 

“Not how this works Fen, I don't need lyrium; I need to get my head-space figured out. For all your gorgeous markings they do me no good for my task of reaping souls.” Carver kneels next to her and she links her fingers in his, he is an anchor in her ocean of pain. Eventually she is standing and they head back to the city.

As they enter the safe house Patrice is ordering her guard to get rid of all of the documents. “There must be no trace, oh; you took the Qunari from the city? Without incident?” 

“Without incident? You know better, surely she knows better right Hawke?” Varric says with thinly veiled contempt.

“Mind your tongue.” Guard barks and Patrice says. 

“Please do speak your mind.” 

“The bodies of the mage's Karataam led right to us. Why?” Hawke asks. 

“You come back speaking their language and think to lecture me? If such a plot existed, if the Qunari had murdered you for trying to help their slave mage, then yes, someone might have found that useful. It would have cast doubt on appeasement. Perhaps your death would have been a tragic necessity. Perhaps finding the mage was a rushed opportunity. But all that we have now are dead Qunari and the word of a sympathizer.” 

“Ketojan killed himself rather than be free.” Merrill says. 

“I assumed he wanted to escape, just as I would. My pity is genuine, but they are not like us.” Patrice says and Hawke crosses her arms. 

“If? Perhaps? Why dance around this lie? We're standing right here.” Hawke shakes her head in frustration. 

“If a member of the Chantry admitted instigation, I have no doubt it would result in more appeasement. But an accusation from a Low-town thug, you are hardly that important. That is not an insult, its why I chose you. Rest assured excuses real or imagined are not for your benefit.” Patrice is snide and cruel in her dismissal. 

“I will not forget this Sister.” Hawke says shaking her head. 

“Take your coin. Disappear back into Low-town.” Patrice dismisses and they leave. 

“That one will be back.” Fenris stays out of range of Hawke's obvious rage. 

“Yes and I might enjoy the interaction.” Hawke says leaving.


	18. Noble Wolves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hawke, your dagger is showing on your garter.” Varric points out and Hawke smiles that wolfish smile.

As she walks back to the estate she is stopped by a messenger. The message is flowery and annoying with its language to the point Hawke hands it to Varric to decipher. “It seems Magistrate Vanard would like the honor of your company Serrah Hawke.” Varric says handing it back. 

“I am guessing now?” Hawke asks and Varric nods. 

“Fine, let me stop by the estate, Carver care to come?” 

“Take Fenris, I'd like some time with Merrill if you don't mind?” 

Carver looks at Fenris who answers, “If you wish my company I will attend you.” Hawke nods and heads into the estate. Varric and Fenris wait in the foyer for her and Varric whistles in appreciation when she appears. 

“I didn't know you actually owned a dress much less one like that.” Varric smiles as Hawke fans her face with a fan. 

“Beautiful fan, poisoned daggers hidden in the spines?” Fenris asks offering his hand to help her down the steps. Her gown is a deep purple with a fitted bodice and skirt with enough of a slit to make it viable for her to walk. 

“Hawke, your dagger is showing on your garter.” Varric points out and Hawke smiles that wolfish smile. 

“I know.” Varric is truly laughing at that. “I see you took the time to freshen up yourself.” Hawke says indicating Varric's leather coat that has been brushed off and cleaned up. 

“I can't escort a lady in a dirty coat.” 

“Are you going to be able to walk in those shoes?” Fenris asks indicating the wonders of leather that wrap around her legs in strips of leather. 

“Offering to carry me?” Hawke asks smiling. 

“If it is needed yes.” Fenris says smiling. 

“These aren't bad actually, plus the walk is negligible.” Hawke says and they head out.

Magistrate Vanard's house is as close to the Viscount's palace as possible and shows in the wealth of it. An elven servant lets them in and leads them to a parlor. “Your associates are to wait here Serrah Hawke.” Hawke chuckles at that but Varric shakes his head no. 

“Don't push this one Hawke he is politically connected higher than you can reach.” Hawke nods slightly. 

“Serrah Hawke, I am thankful you agreed to my invitation.” He offers his hand and Hawke takes it though tenses when he turns her hand over and kisses her wrist. It is an intimate invitation and not one given upon first meeting. 

“Vanard, I assure you I am not interested beyond finding out what you need me to do for you.” Hawke takes her hand back. 

“My apologies, you are a beautiful woman and I had to try.” Vanard smiles charmingly. 

“I am not known for my gentleness Vanard, or my patience. What is this task you have for me?” Hawke says preceding Vanard when he offers into the next room and sits in the chair that offers her a view of the entrance and blocks her from the windows she does tense when he closes the door behind them.

“Refreshments?” Vanard is already pouring her tea and handing it to her and then pouring him some. Hawke waits for the man to drink and he smiles at that. “Not known to trust either it seems, I would not invite you here if I meant to kill you. I would have it done already.” Vanard waves away her precautions. 

“So Magistrate, what do you need me to do.” Hawke asks quietly. 

“There is a criminal in a ruin outside of the city. I need the criminal brought back to the city alive and unharmed.” Hawke raises an eyebrow at that. 

“Why not ask the guard for that?” Hawke says setting the cup down puts two sugars in it and sips again happy with the taste. A servant comes in and places a plate of cheese and fruit in front of them and Hawke selects some and nibbles on cheese. 

“There are other things in those ruins I would rather not lose guards to.” Vanard says and Hawke nods. 

“Fine, when do you want this done?” Hawke asks between nibbles of cheese. 

“The sooner the better, this criminal is dangerous and needs to be secured.” Vanard answers and takes her hand that holds cheese and eats it from her fingers. 

“You will not be enough reward for me to do this task, name your price.” Hawke gives Vanard her most murderous smile. Vanard holds her wrist with one hand and goes to lick the juices from her fingers. Hawke has her dagger in her hand and pointed at the man as he takes one finger into his mouth. “Let me go or Kirkwall with need a new Magistrate. You know I speak truth else you would not need me to find a criminal for you.” Hawke growls when Vanard would attempt again. 

“I'll do more than attempt my lovely.” He pulls her to him and crushes her wrist in his hand making her drop the knife. She is in his lap and she feels her body going limp. 

“It was in the sugar darling, I knew you couldn't resist the sweet now relax there's a good girl.” His hands are roaming freely now and Hawke is cursing the slit that lets his hands roam to her thighs and higher. He moves her to the couch and she is begging for help though no sound issues from her mouth. He is kissing her and she concentrates on moving the arm to the table and getting anything as a weapon or as a way to make enough noise to send Fenris and Varric in here.

“Something is wrong.” Fenris says getting up and heading towards the doors. 

“Easy Broody, Hawke can take care of herself.” Varric says and Fenris turns away from the door. Hawke manages to snag the tray with the tea on it and using what energy she has brings it crashing to the floor and hitting ineffectively off of Vanard. It's enough to bring her cavalry though. 

Fenris is through the door and on the man in an instant. “Hawke!” 

“No!” Hawke says when Fenris would kill him.“Leave him.” Hawke manages and passes out. 

“What did you give her?” Fenris would love to tear this man apart but Hawke has said no and it is her call. 

“Jundis and Dream Root, just enough to make her pliant.” Vanard says and Varric shakes his head. 

“Not long lasting, why did you want this? What is she to you but a challenge?” 

“She will go far; I could force a marriage with her.” Vanard smiles slightly. 

“I didn't know that was possible.” Fenris says and Varric nods. 

“Kind of idiotic now before she is more than acknowledged nobility but she is the eldest and the Amell line does have prestige even if it lacks coin.” Varric says. 

“She'd kill him.” Fenris reasons and then lets the man drop from his grasp. “If you ever try to touch her again Magistrate she will not be able to spare you am I clear?” Fenris threatens and the man nods. Scooping Hawke up they head to the estate. “She probably has an antidote for the stuff in her supplies.” Fenris keeps pace with Varric. 

“Won't need it, she'll be up and at em in a couple of hours just need to tuck her into bed and leave her alone.” Varric says as they arrive at the estate.

Noises escape from Carver's room and Varric snorts at that. “Guess they aren't waiting for the honeymoon.” Fenris rolls his eyes and places Hawke on the bed and puts the covers around her. 

“She is going to be surly.” Varric reasons and takes a seat in the chair. “Go Broody, I got this.” Varric adds as he sees Fenris pulling another chair close. “You left Fenris; you don't get to do bedside duty when you leave want that job than work it out with her.” Varric reasons when Fenris tries to sit down. 

“I can't Varric; I cannot work things out with her. It doesn't matter what she wants, doesn't matter what I want we cannot be together.” Fenris says bitterly and Varric shakes his head. 

“All I am hearing are excuses give me more or leave.” Varric is curious but Fenris chooses to leave. Hawke wakes up later in the night and looks to see Varric passed out snoring Bianca on his lap. She looks for Fenris but knows he is not there, her body would tell her if the elf was there and she is cold. Getting up she gets some water and changes out of the dress and into her nightgown. Checking to make sure Bianca is unloaded and has the trigger locked she crawls back into bed and goes to sleep. 

Next morning Hawke is already up and out of the room when Varric wakes up with a note to join her when he was ready at the Hanged Man. Getting there Varric accepts the plate of breakfast Hawke hands him and looks at her, she seems none the worse for wear. “Thank you for the rescue and the chair duty.” 

“I apologize for not realizing he might try something like that.” Varric responds. 

“It is what it is; we will do his work and bring this criminal back to the city for him.” 

“Truly? You wouldn't punish him?” Fenris asks snagging a sausage off Varric's plate. 

“No, what he tried is something he has done before. Much as I would love to bring him to his knees I don't have enough clout and I don't want to even try getting Aveline involved.” Fenris clenches his teeth but stays quiet. 

“Want to bring anyone else with us to the ruins?” Varric asks and Hawke nods, 

“I want to bring one of the mages, probably Bethany.” Hawke says and Fenris nods knowing Carver will come as well.


	19. Innocent Children

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fenris is still walking forward and Hawke is to him blade on throat and an arm across his chest. Her face is inches from his ear, “Do not test me Fenris, you will not like the results. She means everything to me and you mean nothing. You will always be nothing which makes you expendable. Are we clear?” 
> 
> “Very.” Fenris growls and Hawke still draws her blade across his throat gently, it is a reminder he did not need.

When they get to the ruins there is a contingent of guards outside and a very angry elf. “Lieutenant, I'm Hawke, Magistrate has asked me to get the criminal.” Carver says and Hawke smiles as the man takes his word for it. 

“You need to kill that man!” Elf yells and Carver turns to the man. 

“Who are you?” 

“Elren, he took my daughter Lia. She is not the first Elvin child he has taken either. He needs to die!” Elren is furious and frightened and Bethany reaches out a hand and calms the man. 

“There now Elren, we will see if we can find your daughter and bring her safe to you.” Bethany says and Elren nods. Hawke has seen both man and beast go from rage to complete calm in the wake of her sister so many times she isn't surprised by it but everyone in their party is. When they enter the ruins Fenris clenches his teeth. 

“There are undead here, and something I have never smelled before.” Fenris is surprised. Hawke nods and they face the undead and Varric asks Bethany. 

“So does that work on anything that is upset or just men?” 

“Does what work?” Bethany is confused. 

“Anything with enough reason is susceptible to Bethany, females are not though.” Carver says with a pointed look at Hawke. 

“She is my sister, I am immune to any and all charms her or you possess.” Hawke decapitates a skeleton. 

“Your charms do not work on me either mage.” Fenris bites and Bethany smiles. 

“How would you know Fenris? You and I have civil conversations; you put your blade between me and danger all the time. You even allow me to heal you without complaint.” Hawke kills the skeleton that slips past Fenris' guard as he turns to walk over to Bethany his markings blazing. 

“You do not control me mage, not now not ever.”

“Fenris lay a finger on her and it will be gone from your hand. She did not mean she controls you only that you accept her help as a mage who has proven to you over and over again she will not hurt you.” Hawke says as Carver is already in front of Bethany blocking Fenris. Fenris is still walking forward and Hawke is to him blade on throat and an arm across his chest. Her face is inches from his ear, “Do not test me Fenris, you will not like the results. She means everything to me and you mean nothing. You will always be nothing which makes you expendable. Are we clear?” 

“Very.” Fenris growls and Hawke still draws her blade across his throat gently, it is a reminder he did not need. As he follows Hawke he wipes the blood from his neck and catches Varric's eye that shakes his head at the elf.

Lia is sitting in another chamber when they open the door. “Lia?” Bethany asks. 

“Yes? Oh are you here for Keldor?” Lia asks. Hawke is surprised at how young this girl is, she can't be older than 15. 

“Who is Keldor?” Hawke asks waving off the rest of them. 

“The man who took me, he really is very nice. He hurt me but then he let me go, told me demons were making him do it so he's okay.” Hawke hears the questions and accusations her companions want to hurl and hold up a finger to stall them. 

“Lia, the way to the entrance is clear. I want you to run straight down this hallway and to your father who is out there. I need you to tell the guards everything Keldor did to you even if the demons were telling him to. He was wrong to hurt you, nothing he did was excusable.” 

“She is a child, she does not understand.” Fenris says and Hawke nods. 

“Lia, you will be okay. Now go to your father. Stay to the light Lia it will always guide your steps in darkness.” Hawke kisses this lost child and sends her on her way. 

“What poem is that from?” Fenris asks and Hawke smiles. 

“It's actually part of the chant.” Bethany says reciting the rest of the passage.

When the maker created this world he made wonders in the light and the dark.  
To the dark ones he said keep to the dark for I am there and I will keep you safe.  
To the light ones he said keep to the light for I am there and I will guide your steps through the darkness.

“Being a reaper I have always hunted the dark so it's why when I am told happy hunting I say keep to the light.” Hawke smiles as she says this. 

“For a woman who doesn't believe in the chant you sure quote it a lot.” Varric says and Carver answers. 

“Just because we don't believe in it doesn't mean we shouldn't know it. Hiding in plain sight is often the best plan.” 

“Can we plan on moving this along? I still have bandits to hunt.” Hawke says motioning them forward. It’s undead and shades until they enter the last room. 

“Keldor?” Hawke asks and the man gets up. 

“He reeks of magic.” Fenris says and Hawke nods. 

“You have to kill me, please kill me.” Keldor says and Hawke is surprised. 

“Okay, I am not getting paid enough for this, who are you and why are you taking and hurting elven children?” 

“My father sent you didn't he?” 

“Magistrate Vernand sent me to apprehend a dangerous criminal. I find a sniveling man begging me for death instead.” Hawke shakes her head. 

“He didn't tell you I was his son, how appropriate. I take the children because they are so very pretty.” 

“I think that marriage contract can be torn up Hawke.” Varric says and she chuckles at that. 

“Don't have one yet thankfully. Think mother is waiting on the expedition to be successful first.” 

“If he wishes to die I will happily do it if you will not. He will continue to take and torture the children.” Fenris says and Hawke shakes her head no. 

“I said I would bring him alive and alive it will be.” Hawke sighs and Carver tries to convince her and Keldor screams he wants to die and runs farther into the ruins. “Dammit. Remind me to subdue them before we discuss their fates.” Hawke is giving chase. Keldor makes it to a bigger room and Fenris pushes Hawke out of the way of teeth and claws. “Ah the thing you couldn't identify?” Hawke asks as the beast comes at them again. “Carver, do be a darling and subdue Keldor and then come keep this thing from tearing your dear sisters apart.” Hawke begs and Carver snorts at that as he lands a punch on Keldor to knock him out. Beast in front of Hawke and Fenris is huge, with long pointed ears and a long tail. It looks something like a wolf and a bear had a drunken orgy and the resulting offspring is this thing. Its coat is gray with black stripes and honestly quite beautiful. “I think I want its coat for a rug.” Hawke says as she dodges away from it again. 

“Don't kill it!” Bethany is trying to soothe it. 

“Bethany, this thing has been killing people for years. It needs to die.” Carver says and they can all see her heart breaking for the thing. 

“Fine, if you can tame it you can keep it.” Hawke sheathes her swords and keeping her daggers hidden. Fenris is looking at her as if she has lost her mind and so is Carver. “You got one shot at this Beth; if it attacks you I will kill it.” Bethany nods.

Bethany glows as she reaches for her magic trying to soothe the beast. This beast stands to Bethany's waist and is every inch the predator it looks like. Beast is snapping and snarling and then whining as it backs up away from Bethany and then howls. “Oh, so much pain. It is in so much pain, Hawke end it please I can't help it.” Bethany is crying and Carver catches her against him. Hawke takes her swords back out and the beast gives a good fight but it is killed in the end. When it is dead Hawke approaches the body and opens the mouth carefully. 

“Hawke what are you doing?” Varric asks and Hawke ignores him as she takes her dagger hilt to the canine tooth and it comes off in her hand. A dropper from her pouches has a hole in it at the top and a bit of leather has it as a necklace. 

“Here Bethany, may you wear the token of the mercy you showed.” Hawke gives the tooth to Bethany and she nods and puts it around her neck. Carver swings Keldor up and carries him out over his shoulder. Keldor rouses as they are outside and Elren is furious the man is still alive. 

“I will be taking my family elsewhere if this man lives.” Elren says and Hawke nods. 

“If you had gotten to me before the Magistrate I would have killed him. I cannot go back on my word and for that I apologize.” Carver soothes and Hawke nods. Elren leaves and the guards take Keldor back to the city.


	20. Weddings and Hunting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Now my lovely man, time to scream for me and tell me where the hide out is. Scream first for me though, I did do such a lovely job on you I want to hear it.” Hawke pours the antidote into the man's mouth and he screams for her. “Good boy, now tell me and I will stop this.”

Carver's wedding is noisy and perfect for him. Carver is dressed in a light blue tunic over his brown breeches and his boots are the cleanest Hawke has ever seen them. Merrill is beautiful in her wedding gown. It is a traditional elven gown in all the various shades of the forest. As the elven leader speaks Hawke sees everyone in the alienage and the sacred tree. Food is on tables on the side while a three tier cake is on its own table. Hawke's never seen her brother this happy. Everyone is laughing and dancing and Fenris is not scaring too many of the guests away with this glower. “Broody? Do they have contests for it in Tevinter? Varric asks and Hawke smiles. 

“Contests for what?” 

“Brooding. If so you must have won a lot of them.” Varric says slight smile on his face. 

“I do not Brood.” 

“If your brooding were any more impressive women would swoon as you passed and name their broody babies in your honor.” Varric laughs at the scowl. Celebrations last well into the night and Hawke smiles at her brother's happiness. She also drinks more than she has in a very long time and ends up in Fenris' house.

“Hawke?” Fenris hears the lute before he walks into the room. She is playing beautifully and adds her voice to it. Hers is a voice that should be dedicated to singing for anything and everything. Fenris stays where he is on the other side of the door listening to her sing in Elvin. It is a lament of some sort though Fenris is unfamiliar with the dialect to tell what she is singing beyond a few words here and there. When she is done Fenris is surprised to feel tears hit his hand. 

“That's Hawke singing?” Varric asks walking in surprised and impressed with her clear alto voice. 

“How did you know she would be here?” Fenris asks. 

“Because the estate has Carver and Merrill there making the most of their wedding night and she'd never come to the Hanged Man for sleep. She would come here to sleep.” 

“She is drunk; she would never offer her singing to me sober.” Fenris says indicating the door again. 

“If she is drunk we need to keep her here.” Varric is nervous and Fenris frowns at this. 

“Why?” 

“Because a drunken Hawke is more dangerous than anything you have ever encountered.” Varric notices the music has stopped. “Shit, please tell me there are no windows in this place?” Varric is in the empty room and cursing as he sees Hawke disappear down the street.

Hawke is covered in blood when they find her. On the ground in front of her is her last kill, a mercenary and though he probably deserved the death he is marked with torture marks. Fenris looks at the carnage and is impressed. Hawke has killed over 15 men and managed to torture every single one. Hawke hears her last victim, he's younger but his hands are just as bloody as the rest and she is on him in a blur using her daggers to pin his wrists and ankles to the ground. She quickly slices through the armor to bare his chest and she smiles. Fenris realizes the man isn't screaming and frowns at Varric. “Mummer's Farce, it is a lovely poison that keeps em silent but in utter agony the entire time. Hawke has more ways to cause pain and kill than I have ever seen in any arsenal.” Hawke's hand pauses at the sound of her name but continues cutting slowly and enjoying every twitch and jerk of pain of the canvas in front of her. Fenris would go to her but Varric stops him. “When it's over, if you stop her now she will turn on you.” Fenris clenches his teeth. What Hawke is doing is something he has seen Magistrars do to the slaves, the finesse she uses her blades when slicing is something of long practice. 

“Now my lovely man, time to scream for me and tell me where the hide out is. Scream first for me though, I did do such a lovely job on you I want to hear it.” Hawke pours the antidote into the man's mouth and he screams for her. “Good boy, now tell me and I will stop this.” 

“Warehouse is near the docks, one with a red flag near the back door.” 

“Thank you my pretty, now you die.”

“Hawke?” Fenris asks as Hawke stands up and is headed to the docks. Hawke stops only for a moment before she turns away and starts running. 

“For someone utterly drunk she is frighteningly well coordinated and fast.” Varric replies as they give chase. 

“You have dealt with her when she is like this before?” Fenris asks. 

“No, I saw her carnage the first year she was here, they had gotten her so drunk at the Hanged Man I thought she would pass out and be done for the night. Imagine my surprise when she rose from the bed they had tossed her into and started devastating the streets. I couldn't catch her that night, she was too fast but I did follow the bodies until they stopped a couple hours after daylight. Then she just vanished.” 

“Does she ever hurt the innocent?” Fenris asks as they get to the docks and see Hawke headed into one of the warehouses. 

“No, she is attracted only to the evil though how evil is an interesting question.”

Fenris and Varric get there about half way through the fight and help Hawke finish the last of them. When she would torture another one Fenris kills him. “Stop Hawke, enough you have played enough tonight.” 

“Enough? Never, there are never enough dead. Never enough souls but I am tired.” Hawke shakes her head and gives a pull on her hair. 

“Come home with me Hawke, you can play the lute for me if you want.” Fenris offers and Hawke considers. 

“Fine, better than the beds at Hanged man and Carver is at the Estate with Merrill.” When they get to the house Hawke strips and falls into the bed. Varric takes a cuff out of his pack and puts it on her and then the bed post. 

“This should keep her until she's sober enough to pick it. See you in the morning.” Varric says and Fenris looks at the woman in his bed. He had washed most of the blood off her hands and arms. Her armor sits in a pile near his chair and he sets to cleaning it. He wouldn't touch her blades but her armor he can deal with.

Fenris had removed the cuff when he went to bed; he knows she isn’t going anywhere. 

“Fenris?” Hawke asks and winces at the light. 

“Nice of you to wake up, was an interesting night. I had no idea you sang so beautifully.” Hawke narrows her eyes before answering. 

“Did I do anything else?” Then she sees the blood under her nails, sees her swords next to her armor dried blood on them. “How many?” Hawke asks quietly. 

“25 took out the entire group of Grey Eye mercenaries should be a good bounty.” Hawke sits with her knees pulled up lost in thought. “Clean up, I’ll get us breakfast.” It’s the retreat they both need and Hawke takes it. When he returns Hawke is cleaning her weapons and sheathing them. They eat in companionable silence and Hawke leaves.


	21. One of You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Whatever game you wanted to play tonight Isabella.” Hawke
> 
> Song in this Chapter is Prelude 12/21 by AFI

“Stop me when you’ve heard this one. A Dwarf a pirate and a mage walk into a bar.” Varric smiles as Anders groans. “What’s wrong Blondie?’ 

“Nothing other than we are the joke, do I want to know what we are doing tonight?”

“Isabella won the last pot of Wicked Grace so it’s her choice.” Carver walks past Bethany in tow. 

“Wait you brought Sunshine to this? Maker’s balls Junior you trying to get killed?” Varric shakes his head as they crowd around the table. 

“It was the only way to make sure she would actually show up.” Carver points to the rafters know Hawke is up there waiting and watching. 

“Bethany, please tell me our dear brother has lost his mind to bring you in here.” Hawke is there in the way only she can appear. 

“He said it would be fun, I am tired of staying in the house with Gamlen and mother if you don’t let me stay.” 

“Stop! Varric, find Beth a seat please where is Isabella anyways?” 

“Knowing her probably with her latest conquest.” Aveline sits down waits as the barmaid following her puts drinks down on the table including shots for Hawke. 

When Isabella’s door opens it reveals said object of discussion and a very naked Fenris growling, “Close the door I am not done with you yet.” Said pirate met eyes with Hawke, “oh shit.” 

Fenris looks up from his attention on Isabella’s neck and meets eyes with Hawke drawing back, “T.” 

“Don’t you dare Fen, get some clothes on and let’s play.” Hawke’s voice is steady and calm a whip against everyone’s skin as they all flinch beneath it. Isabella does come out and sits down offering Varric a small smile. When Fenris goes to walk past them, “Fenris take a seat you owe me at least one round.” 

“One round of what?” Isabella asks taking the tankard from the barmaid with a smile. 

“Whatever game you wanted to play tonight Isabella.” Hawke catches Isabella in her gaze brown meets gray slide away. 

“If we’re going to play with you here we’re going to make it good, I want to play façade.” 

“Isabella.” Varric hisses. 

“Oh this should be interesting.” Anders sits back in his chair eyes going back and forth between the two women. 

“Fine I get Varric.” Hawke says it quickly the table nearly gasps in surprise. 

“That’s fine sweet cheeks Sunshine come sit next to me lets see if we can’t beat your sister at something.” Isabella motions Bethany over to her and Bethany is very nervous. Aveline and Fenris make another team with Carver and Anders rounding it all out. As tables scrape around and adjustments are made to the seats Hawke finds herself sitting next to Fenris. 

“T.” 

“Fen, do not finish that word, Hawke is just fine for me to answer to as for the pirate, I’m happy for you.” 

“Then why do you smell like fury?” Fenris asks. 

“Doesn’t she always smell like that? Isn’t she always pissed off?” Anders asks. 

“No.” Fenris answers quietly. 

“It’s been a how many ways can we piss off Hawke kind of night, my apologies for the fury scent I’ll see if I can douse myself in a little sex you seem to prefer it. Dammit Fenris, my apologies.” Hawke gnashes her teeth together downs another shot. 

“Isabella let’s get this going before we are all too sauced to play.” Varric calls down to the end of the table. 

“Rules are each team has to tell a story, rest take a turn guessing which person it applies to one round most points win. Losers have to take a shot of whatever Hawke is drinking.” Isabella raises a glass to the table. 

“Isabella, your game you start.” Varric calls out and Isabella nods. 

“One of us danced on a table for coins while our partner in crime robbed a man blind.” Isabella smiles as she tells the story. 

“Easy Isabella.” Carver says and it’s echoed around the table until Bethany meets Hawke’s eyes. 

“Surprised you told the pirate that one Beth it was fun though.” Carver’s sputtering his drink out while Aveline pats him on the back. “Wait you did that?” Carver is all indignant brother. 

“Yep, she needed a distraction and it was fun.” Bethany winks at Hawke. After the shots are downed Beth points to Aveline. 

“One of us raced through the night to warn of an impending attack only to be captured by our own side and held for ransom.” Fenris offers to the table. 

“Ransom? That would be Aveline.” Varric winks at her and the table agrees. When Aveline nods it’s cheers. “That is a story I would like to hear one day Aveline.” Varric winks. 

“It was an interesting adventure.” 

“One of us rescued a cat from a pack of hungry dogs only to have said cat give us permanent scars where we can’t show in public.” Anders offers causing a chuckle. When everyone turns to hear what Isabella says she shakes her head no. 

“Not helping the rest of the table on this one.” Varric’s lips twitch slightly on this. 

“Does my friend know which one of our charming boys bears hidden scars from a cat?” 

“Perhaps but he tells it vastly different.” 

“Don’t we all?” Hawke smiles slightly. 

“I would guess Carver on this one actually.” Fenris finally says eyes looking at Carver who smiles right back.

“I’ll agree with Fenris on this.” Bethany says looking at Isabella who shrugs. 

“I am going to guess Anders actually.” Hawke remembers a story of a cat and the Deep Roads. 

“Our illustrious leader would be correct.” Anders answers the wink. 

“You wanna tell one or do you want me to?” Hawke asks Varric. 

Varric smiles at her, “I got this. One of us once watched over what we thought was a box of valuables only to find out it was a treasure trove of nothing as in an empty box. Found out the box they needed had left the night before. Most embarrassing was presenting said empty box to the clients.” 

“Varric” is the echoed reply at the table and Hawke laughs merrily. 

“Nope all me was one of my first jobs away from home.” Eyes all swing to Hawke and Carver shakes his head no, “you did not!” Hawke nods laughs as the shots are poured and drank. 

“Sing for us sister.” Carver demands suddenly and all laughter stops. 

“I think your brother has had a few too many.” Varric says suddenly eyeing Carver. 

“Can you sing?” Anders asks Bethany who is looking like a halla caught out in the meadow. 

“No, but I can pity no one has a lute.” Hawke smiles sadly and gives her brother a murderous look. 

“Don’t need one.” Carver taps on the table. 

“Anything particular you would like to hear?” Hawke asks her gaze hooded. 

“You know exactly the song I want dear sister.” Carver is baiting her now, wonders if she would dare sing in front of everyone. Carver corrects the beat it is a one two…one two three steady tempo that Aveline then picks up. 

“Such a morbid song brother, but I will oblige.”   
This is what I brought you this you can keep,  
This is what I brought you may forget me.  
I promise to depart just promise one thing,  
Kiss my eyes and lay me to sleep.

This is what I brought you this you can keep,  
This is what I brought you may forget me.  
I promise you my heart just promise to sing,  
Kiss my eyes and lay me to sleep.

Kiss my eyes and lay me to sleep.

This is what I thought,  
I thought you need me,  
This is what I thought so think me naïve,  
I promise you a heart you'd promise to keep,  
Kiss my eyes and lay me to sleep.  
Kiss my eyes and lay me to sleep.  
Kiss my eyes and lay me to sleep.

When she is done Hawke smiles slightly nods her head to her sister, “Do you want your favorite as well?” 

Bethany shakes her head no. “I think we’ve had enough fun for the night.” Carver and Bethany leave with Isabella as an escort leaving the rest who regard Hawke quietly. 

“Never would have picked you for the bardic type Hawke.” Anders admits finishes the shot in front of him. 

“I have many secrets Anders, want an escort home?” 

“Hawke you could make some serious coin singing, why do you not do it more often?” Aveline asks blue eyes seeking answers from Gray. 

“I did as a child, mother called me songbird, as I got older though I stopped. Now I only sing when I have to or when I wish to entertain my little brother.” 

“Your brother is not little.” Fenris points out. 

“Waiting for the whore?” Aveline asks Fenris who ignores her. 

“Diamondback?” Varric offers and all but Hawke agree. 

“Hunting Hawke?” Varric asks. 

“How well you know me.” 

“Care for company?” Fenris asks and Hawke shakes her head no. 

“Not yours no.” 

“Hawke.” 

“I’m happy for you Fenris, you deserve to be happy. That the pirate could please you in bed is no surprise just be careful. Her paramours usually end up with blades in their hearts, I’d spare you the fate I had.” She’d left at that.


	22. Deep Roads

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Come, they need to leave.” Fenris gathers the women up and leaves.

Hawke is ready to go and is almost pacing with anticipation of finally being off on the expedition. “Hawke, a moment please.” Leandra says and Hawke bites her lip and walks over Carver in tow. 

“Don’t take Carver with you, please.” 

“Mother, we are not going over this again. He is coming Bethany is staying here along with Merrill. My decision is final and you will abide by it.” Hawke’s voice is low and angry and Leandra feels a shiver go down her spine. 

“Tessa.” 

“Don’t mother, let us leave on cordial terms please.” Leandra nods. Carver is holding a weeping Merrill and Bethany each mage is trying to get comfort from him. 

“I will keep them safe.” Fenris says and Hawke nods. Fenris wants to touch her but she moves away towards Bethany and Merrill. 

“Beth, it will be okay, we’ll be back in a few weeks. We’ll be back before you know it.” Bethany nods hugging Hawke and then going back to Carver. 

“You are my other half Carver, be careful.” 

“Always sister.” Carver says looking at Fenris who nods. 

“Come, they need to leave.” Fenris gathers the women up and leaves. 

“If anything happens to them.” Carver says and Hawke cuts him off, 

“Fenris knows what will happen Carver. He will keep them safe.” Carver nods and they join Anders and Varric. 

It takes them a week to get to the Deep Roads and another week to get down to the Thaig When they get down there Bertrand’s scout it and say it is blocked. “No worries, we can figure out a way around it.” Varric says and Hawke leads them through part of it. 

“Darkspawn, I hate this place.” Anders grouches and Hawke runs a hand down the mage’s arm. 

“I know but I couldn’t risk coming down here without you. Not with the threat of darkspawn.” Hawke soothes and Anders nods. 

“I get it, besides I could have told you no if I really didn’t want to come but I didn’t want you down here without me either. Your sister would kill me if something happened to you.” Anders replies instead and leads into another tunnel. “This should work right Varric?” 

Varric nods and they get back to Bertrand and the expedition leading them to the next group of tunnels. When that door is opened Varric whistles in appreciation. “You hear the stories but I never thought they would be telling the truth.” The tunnel leads into a huge cavern that has rooms leading off from it many have chests in them some with loot. Hawke is impressed with the architecture of the high ceilings and runes carved into the stone. There is a huge room at the very end and Varric opens it to reveal a pedestal with a red idol on it. 

“Is that lyrium?” Anders asks approaching it but not touching it. 

“It is and it’s red, wonder where this came from?” Varric picks the idol up and tosses it to Bertrand. “Looks like we found something worth our time, let’s see if we can find anything else shall we?” Varric indicates the rest of the room and they start looking. Hawke is alerted to movement just as the door is closing behind Bertrand. 

“Wait No!” Hawke is yelling and trying to get there in time. Varric and her both bang on the door. 

“Bertrand, it locked behind you can you let us out?” Varric asks quietly. 

“Now why would I do that Varric? It was nice knowing you.” Bertrand says and laughs as Varric and Hawke hit the door. 

“Carver, Anders see if there is a way out of here on the other side. Varric your brother is a dead man.” Hawke admits and Varric nods. Finding a door out Varric tells them this is nowhere near where they need to be and they set off trying to find a way out. 

More days in the dark and Hawke is wondering how much longer they will last, their food ran out two days ago and water has been stagnant drippings they manage to find as they move forward. They arrive into a room that has a lot of moving rocks. “Rock wraiths, I never thought I would see them.” Varric says as they fight them and manage to kill them. Moving forward they enter a huge room where a giant rock wraith stops them. 

“You will stop, you who kill my brethren I would ask you to stop.” It commands and the other rock wraiths stop as Hawke has her blades out looking at the wraith. “I can get you out of here, I know where the key is to the door in the next room that will get you out of here.” Hawke looks where the Wraith is pointing and tilts her head. 

“I am listening.” Hawke says quietly and Anders’ eyes flash blue. 

“Do not Tessa, this is a demon.” Justice booms out and Hawke arches an eyebrow at him and nods. 

“You cannot defeat me.” Wraith says and Hawke sighs as it attacks her. Carver is all flashing blade and keeping the wraith off of them while Hawke flashes here and there to keep the little ones down. 

“Anders, freeze it if you can and get it down.” Hawke demands of Anders who nods. He’s got a little bit of flame and a little bit of ice not much in the offensive spells but enough to help which Hawke is thankful for as the giant Wraith finally stops moving. Varric whistles long and low when he sees the cache of treasure in the next room. 

“Seems we will be nobles after all folks, grab what you can carry and let’s get the hell out of here.” Varric orders and they grab what they can carry heading out. As they walk Carver is lagging behind and Hawke turns to him frowning. 

“Carver? Do you need to rest?” Hawke asks and Carver collapses Hawke barely has enough time to catch him. “Carver, what’s wrong?” Hawke is hovering over him looking at Anders in entreaty. 

“Taint, he’s been tainted Hawke. I can’t help him.” Anders says and Hawke is glaring at him. 

“There has to be something you can do if we can get him to the surface.” Hawke orders and Anders shakes his head no. 

“Only hope you have is finding another Warden down here that has the means to make him one, though I do know where they would be if they are down here. It wouldn’t be far from here, let me help you.” Anders puts his shoulder under Carver’s and helps Hawke carry him. It is another few hours of walking before they stop as Anders concentrates. “We’ve either found them or it’s a large group of darkspawn.” 

It’s darkspawn but as Anders finishes off one of the hurlocks with his staff Hawke sees a group of men coming out of another tunnel. “Anders? What are you doing here?” One asks and Hawke notices the thick Orlesian accent. This one has an impressive mustache and black hair with dark eyes. 

“Stroud, I am actually happy to see you. This is Hawke, Varric and Carver. I need your help, Carver has been tainted.” Anders says without preamble and Stroud frowns walking towards Carver with his blade out and Hawke is between them immediately. “Take him as a recruit Stroud, he is worth your time.” 

“Grey Wardens do not recruit out of mercy Anders, you know what this costs us.” Stroud is looking at Carver and the great sword on his back. 

“With the blight done, I am sure you are lacking on any recruits and he is worth your time Stroud.” Anders pushes and Stroud puts his blade up to look at Carver again. Other men are looking at Hawke in frank appreciation and she shifts under their scrutiny fingers twitching on her blades rather than hiding behind Varric or Anders. “His name is Carver Hawke, if he survives the joining send word to Kirkwall Hawke residence please.” Anders adds and Stroud nods. 

“Tell Bethany, I love her and I miss her. Tell Merrill I am sorry, should have married her sooner.” Carver says and Hawke is nodding cupping his face and wiping away his tears and her own. 

“I will see you again Carver, I promise I will take care of Beth, mother and Merrill. I love you Carver never doubt that.” Hawke steps away from him her face a mask. 

“He will be okay Hawke.” Anders is not touching her, not in front of the others and she is thankful for that. When they leave with Carver though he wraps her up or would if Hawke would let him. 

“Don’t Anders, let’s get out of here. I can’t stand it anymore.” Hawke does not forgive herself, will never forgive herself for either having to reap her brother's soul or never seeing him again. 

Nothing prepares them for what waits for them when they get back to Gamlen's house.

**************************************************************************************************)(********************************************

“Remember that favor I requested all those months ago to get the healer for Hawke?” Isabella is straddling Fenris long black hair stuck to her skin as Fenris runs his hands up and down from waist to breast and back again his markings silent with her. 

“Yes, you choose now to remind me of it?” He decides to thrust from below Isabella arching her back enjoying the feeling. 

“All the better to negotiate when I am on top.” 

Fenris reverses their positions in a moment draping one of her legs over his shoulder as he thrusts in causing a moan. “You were saying.” 

“Since they are all off gallivanting through the middle of the world I need your help locating something. Once of my contacts says he has a lead on the relic I lost and he’s on the coast.” 

“I can do that want to take one of the mages with us?” 

Isabella can’t answer as she shatters Fenris finishes a moment later his markings blazing. “Easy Fen, stay with me.” Isabella keeps a hand on Fenris’ face willing him to look at her. “Still more pain than pleasure?” Isabella asks moving away from him knows his skin is super sensitive right now. 

“Yes, though I’m not sure why I am worried about this now. After she caught us I doubt she’d let me touch her.” 

Isabella aches for Fenris, knows the point of this deal was never for her and Fenris to get a happy ending but for Hawke to. “If you tell her the truth she might surprise you.” 

Fenris shakes his head no, “Oh by the way when we had sex you brought up horrible memories and pain so I decided to fuck your best friend to make it better. It worked, here let’s have another go at this.” 

Isabella gently places a hand on his back gauges his reaction before hugging him. “For all you two are done you still reach for each other and that has to count for something.” 

Fenris stands up; any touch is too much sometimes. “What I felt when I was with her versus what I feel with you is another level. It was that soul jarring, clench your teeth it hurts so much please Maker let me breathe let me survive pain. It was all the sonnets and songs written under the stars are just for her if I am to die right now I would be happy pleasure. But what I told her, what I did.” 

Isabella chuckles slightly, “If she didn’t forgive you, if she didn’t want to give you another chance you would be dead.” 

“Varric said the same thing; I will try when she gets back from the Deep Roads.” Isabella nods and smiles at this pulling clothes on even as Fenris is doing the same.


	23. Broken Promises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You still love him, he left you and you still do his bidding.” Anders is bitter and scared and lashing out at Hawke is never a good idea.

“Mother?” Hawke asks setting packs down for a moment dreading what she has to tell her mother. 

“She is in her bedroom; I haven't been able to get her to leave for days. Not after what happened to Bethany.” 

“Where is Sunshine?” Varric asks looking for the mage. 

“Oh my baby! You came back! You're safe!” Leandra is out of the room and hugging Hawke, she doesn't hug her mother back.

“I am where is Bethany?” 

“Circle took her four days ago.” Leandra is wailing at the admission. 

“I swear I will get her back.” Hawke promises calmly. 

“So you will rescue your sister but not other mages?” Anders accuses and Hawke turns a murderous look on him. 

“Not now Blondie, I'd let this one go if you want to live.” Varric advises. 

“Where is Carver?” Leandra asks about her son and sees Hawke's shoulders tighten like she is bracing for a blow. 

“Carver was tainted; he had to join the Wardens. He promised to send word when he could.” Hawke says not looking at her mother, not looking at any of them. 

“Why? Why did you not bring him back? You never should have taken him with you. You promised to bring him back. You promised to keep them safe and both of them are gone now. Your fault, it is always your fault.” Leandra is crying and on the floor and Hawke looks at her mother wearily. 

“I could have brought you his soul or news he lives. Carver would have followed me if I hadn't taken him with me. I am sorry my safe return is not enough. I will secure the estate for you by the end of the week. You are welcome to live there or not as you please mother.” Hawke leaves and Anders and Varric follow.

“Where are we going?” Anders asks. 

“I am going to kill Fenris; you can come and watch or not as you please.” Hawke answers and Varric shakes his head. 

“You know he would never abandon a promise to you Hawke, he would have had good reason to not stop it.” Varric offers. 

“She is a mage that is enough reason for him usually.” Anders bites and Hawke stops and pins him against the wall dagger to his throat. 

“Anders I need you to be very quiet right now. I get that you want to free all the mages and hate Templars and sometimes I agree with you. I even help you on occasion. But those mages I do not free, that I do turn over to the Templars need help. My sister had my father to guide her in magic, he was trained in the circle and as you know it’s the only place to get decent training. For all the bad it does Anders you can't say it doesn't help. Now you will come with me or not to find Fenris and you will help me get Bethany away from the Templars. Are we clear?” Anders nods as the dagger nicks his skin a little as she pushes him against the wall again roughly. 

“You still love him, he left you and you still do his bidding.” Anders is bitter and scared and lashing out at Hawke is never a good idea. 

“You are dismissed Anders. I will figure out where Fenris is. While I am doing that you will find where my sister is and who holds her leash. Do not push me Anders, I will kill you and reap your soul Justice be damned.” Hawke pushes him away and walks cleaning her knife on her pants and sheathing it.

Fenris' house is empty, there are no footprints in the dust and the fire and bed are long cold. “This fire is long cold; he hasn't been here in at least a week.” Varric observes. 

“Did he run knowing I would kill him?” Hawke wonders pacing through the room. 

“Nothing could have pushed him out of this city so long as Danarius might come for him, his vengeance is far more important than you.” Varric is shaking his head at her. 

“Find him Varric, he has much to answer for but if the slavers have him I will free him.” Hawke places a book on the table. 

“Why? I thought you wanted him dead.” Varric is confused. 

“I do and I will gladly reap his soul if there is a chance he failed in protecting my sister.” Hawke smiles savagely. 

“You scare me sometimes Hawke.” Varric admits as he leaves. 

“Good.” Hawke sits in Fenris' chair by the fire.

“The slavers did take a group of elves; they are waiting for a ship to leave.” Varric informs her the next night. 

“Then grab Isabella and let's go.” Hawke looks for the pirate. 

“Rivani is probably on top of her latest conquest at this time of night.” Varric admits dismissing the arched eyebrow Hawke gives him. 

“Then she might not mind being drug away.” Hawke sighs. 

“Want one of the mages?” Varric entreats.

“Let's bring Merrill, her dark magic might appeal to them enough for us to get Fenris free.” Hawke says distractedly. 

“You would trade her? I know you aren't fond of her. She is married to your brother though.” Varric is a bit defensive over the Elvin mage. 

“Actually I like her quite a lot, she is innocent and nice. She also made a deal with a demon so I don't mind her as much either. I was thinking with her blood magic they might not register as wrong before we can get to Fenris. I'd never trade anyone into slavery Varric; I'd rather just kill them. I haven't told her about Carver yet, I don't know how.” Hawke says in that no nonsense let’s kill someone please voice.

“We should leave Rivaini alone and bring Aveline, being captain of the guard she'd probably like to know we are doing this. You need to tell her about Carver eventually just not tonight.” Varric strokes Bianca as he says this. 

“If you ever admit this I will claim you made it up but there are times you are the most brilliant man I know.” Hawke kisses him on the forehead. 

“Easy Bianca, no need to get jealous.” Varric strokes his crossbow and nearly walks into a wall as Hawke flashes him a smile over her shoulder. 

“Are you sure about this Hawke? I could bring an entire unit with us.” Aveline offers as they approach the cave. 

“I've never seen you nervous about a fight Aveline, what gives?” Varric asks looking at the red haired warrior. 

“That is a lot of slavers.” Aveline indicates the 10 slavers they can see Hawke smiles as she drops down on two of the guards and throws knives to take out two more. Her swords are out and slicing through more as Varric shoots one and Aveline kills another. Merrill makes two of them attack and kill each other and Hawke finishes off the rest. 

“See easy?” Hawke is cleaning and looting and then standing up smiling. Walking into the caves they are not ready for the stench or the other 20 men inside. Hawke scans as the fight goes on looking for Fenris and finally seeing him in a cage by himself. He is collared and knows he will be no help so long as there is a mage alive to order him to kill. “Merrill, use your blood magic on Fenris. I need you to take control of him long enough to get that damn collar off.” Merrill nods as Hawke unlocks the cage and slices the throat of the man attacking Merrill. 

Merrill grabs Fenris with her magic and he looks at her blankly. “What would you have of me master?” 

“Kill any mage or man that was in here before me.” Merrill says and Fenris smiles. 

“As you wish mistress.”

Fenris is devastating when he wants to be. Right now he is using his markings and a blade he removed from another guard along with the guard's heart. Hawke slips behind him and slices off the collar and slips out of his range again. Fenris blinks for a moment before jumping back into the action even more deadly. When they are all dead Hawke finds his blade in a chest and hands it to him. All of the elves are free and flee the cavern leaving the group in the cave by themselves. “You would use your blood magic on me witch?” Fenris has his blade on Merrill's neck before she can even register she is in danger. 

“Fenris, she did it because I asked her to. I needed your help to kill these men and couldn't get the damn collar off you before then. I couldn't unleash you on them without orders.” Hawke tries to reason with him. 

“I will kill her before allowing her to live after controlling me.” Fenris says not moving his blade an inch. 

“Go ahead and try Fenris, let's see how well you do against me though I will not allow you to kill her.” Hawke has slipped between his blade and him. His blade is still on Merrill's neck but Hawke is in his face stroking his neck with her fingers though he knows her right hand is holding a blade ready to plunge into his lung if he pushes the issue. She is pushed against him and blood is quickly vacating one head in a rush to the other. 

“I will concede to your wishes. I thank you for the rescue.” Fenris moves the blade from Merrill's neck sheathes it and steps back from Hawke in one movement. “I take it you have no further need of me tonight?” Fenris' eyes flicking between Merrill and Hawke. 

“I do actually, when were you captured?” Hawke asks quietly and Varric moves closer to Merrill. 

“Do not let her kill him Daisy, don't care how you stop her but don't let her kill him.” Varric whispers and Merrill nods. 

“A week ago or so why?” Fenris is trying to get his balance back with Hawke. 

“Because the Templars came and took Bethany four days ago.” Hawke turns away from Fenris. 

“I am sorry, I have failed you.” Fenris hangs his head in shame. 

“Yes you did. No matter though, I will get her back.” Hawke walks out of the cave. 

“Where are you going Hawke?” Varric asks. 

“Sleep, we all need it. I will check in with Anders in a couple of days to see what he has found out. Rest up folks thank you for helping me.” Hawke is still walking. 

“Hawke? Headed to the estate? I can walk with you.” Fenris offers and she shakes her head. 

“No Fenris, I do not wish your company though I do appreciate the offer. If you must know I am not headed to the estate. I have hunting to do that requires a quiet hand and no lights.” Varric shakes his head and heads to the Hanged Man to sleep.

“What did you find out Anders?” Hawke is in his clinic and Anders finishes with his patient and turns off the lantern indicating he is not seeing anyone anymore. 

“She is being guarded by a couple of Templars. Did you know it was Knight Captain Cullen who took her?” 

“No but that is interesting, I have worked with him before though you refuse to.” Hawke is sitting on one of the cots and looking at the rest of her group with her. Varric is doing an impression of a statue while Fenris leans against the wall. 

“He and I have history.” Anders admits crossing his arms. 

“Oh now this I have to know about.” Varric says taking a seat next to Hawke. 

“Bethany, I have seen her use fire and ice but she is not chained.” Anders sighs and sits on his desk. 

“She's primary creation with a minor in primal, she doesn't require chains. She's not like the Hero of Ferelden.” Hawke sees the reaction to that and narrows her eyes. “Chained mage was a mage of the circle, you probably knew her.” 

“I did, her name was Neria. I was with her for some of that journey.” Anders admits quietly. 

“You traveled with the Hero of Ferelden, now this I need to know.” Varric says. 

“She was the strongest woman I have ever met and she was also exactly why the circle doesn't work.” Anders says bitterly. 

“I have heard of this mage, it was said she literally wore chains hence the name. Even in Tevinter they chain the primal mages.” Fenris offers quietly. 

“Most of the stories about her are true; there are others I would never tell. Cullen was her Templar for most of the Blight. He is the man you should talk to if you really want to know what she was like. I however would gladly kill him for what he did to her what he has done to other mages since.” Anders is shaking his head. 

“Is my sister safe with him? Would he hurt her?” Hawke asks grabbing the front of Anders' robes. 

“He would not hurt her unless he had to. Cullen is fair most of the time. Part of him died with Neria though, she made him question his beliefs. Then his prayers were answered. I will not discuss this more, I can't.” Anders says shaking his head. 

“Wildest story I ever heard about the Hero was she had a child that was sent to Tevinter.” Varric says shaking his head. Anders smiles at that and looks at Fenris in speculation. 

“I will work on getting the information you need Hawke; I have more patients to see. Fenris, if you have a moment?” Fenris narrows his eyes and Hawke fades into the shadows neither man knowing she is there listening to them.

“What do you need me for mage?” Fenris asks still leaning against the wall.

“Neria did have a child that was sent to Tevinter. Neria was a level 7 primal mage, only one in existence. Her daughter was at least a level 3 Creation mage when she was born.” 

“That child is lost Anders, she is an elf yes? She would be raised in the tower and apprenticed to the right Magister she might go far. But unless you get her back now she will be corrupted by the time she really comes into her magic. If she is still alive, they might have sacrificed her for her power.” Anders bites his lip and shakes his head. 

“I failed her, so many damn times I failed her. Thank you for the information Fenris.” Hawke watches Anders go back to his desk and cry, wracked with heartbreak. 

“How easily it is to reduce a mage to tears sometimes.” Fenris says to the shadow he knows is Hawke.

“How easily it is to reduce any of us to tears with the right weapon.” Hawke is bitter. 

“It is done Hawke. Do not dwell on us, I cannot make you happy.” 

“As you said that night Fenris, yet you come willingly enough when I ask.” Hawke stays in the shadows. 

“My blade does not cause memories and pain.” Fenris says walking off.


	24. Shadow Dancing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NSFW-Smut ahead
> 
> “How easily it is to reduce any of us to tears with the right weapon.” Hawke is bitter. 
> 
> “It is done Hawke. Do not dwell on us, I cannot make you happy.”

Fenris continues walking and mercifully Hawke doesn’t follow. Despite her physical presence not being there though it doesn’t stop him from thinking about it as he gets a bottle of wine out of the cellar. He remembers that day and that night and all the events that led up to that disaster as if they happened yesterday. They had been trying to find a lost patrol for the Qunari Arishok on the wounded coast when they were jumped by slavers. Fenris recognized the mage slinging spells and went after the man. “Do not kill the mage Hawke, I need him alive.” Hawke had nodded and merely paralyzed the man. When Fenris asked it was revealed Hadriana not Danarius was there.

“Oh this is rich, where is she? Where?” Fenris had demanded of the man and the mage had told them where to find Hadriana and they had gone immediately. He had stopped Hawke before she went into the tunnels. “This will not be pleasant, there will be defenses to keep other slavers out as well as whatever magic Hadriana cares to cast.” Fenris says taking a moment to enjoy her scent. 

“No worries Wolfie, we can do this.” Hawke whispers and Fenris smiles at the nickname it’s the common translation of his name and it suits him. 

“You would have done better in Tevinter Anders, apprenticed to the right mage you would have gone far. You would be happier there.” Fenris offers as they walk in. 

“Oh but there has to be a catch?” Anders asks looking at Fenris confused. 

“Aside from the occasional blood sacrifice or slaves not really.” Fenris shrugs. 

“Surely not all mages turn to blood magic.” Anders counters. 

“You are correct; those are slaves the Magisters do not hesitate to enslave their own kind.” Fenris enjoys the mage's discomfort. 

“So every mage uses blood magic?” Anders says angrily. 

“They would not hesitate to get an advantage over the other mage, but they do still have Templars. Ah look Anders, a blood sacrifice.” On the table in front of them is a mage completely drained of blood though the wounds are ragged and raw. 

“Freshly done Fenris, they are still here. Shall we hunt?” Hawke is looking at Fenris as if he is the only man in the room. It is a heady mix to be the center of her attention.

The cave has turned to the smooth walls of a tunnel with cages lining each side. There is oil in a trough on the floor all the way down and Anders lights it with a little fire. Merrill is silent through all of this and Hawke bumps her lightly. “It is hard to see the depravity of others.” Merrill admits. 

“This could easily be you Merrill in a few years with enough need.” Fenris says and she shakes her head. 

“I would rather die at your blade than turn into someone that would need to do this to function.” She indicates the blood sacrifice. 

“I will happily honor your request.” Fenris growls and Hawke steps between the two to end the eye contact. 

“Hunt first, kill each other later.” Hawke slides her blade along the trap trigger and smiles as it clicks off and is no longer a threat. As they move forward there are undead and Hawke hesitates. 

“Hawke?” Varric asks and Hawke shakes her head at the dwarf. 

“Unclean souls, these will cost her to reap.” Anders places a hand on her shoulder which she shrugs off. 

“These need to be reaped, I will be okay.” Hawke launches into the fray. They fall and the souls are angry red dots that hit her like arrows no matter where she is in the room and tearing at her. Done with this group she grits her teeth trying to calm the souls and slides down the wall in the corner. None approach her while she does this her blades between them and her, when she has recovered they continue. A few more of these groups and then Hawke turns white as a sheet and backs away when a Revenant appears. “Justice please, I beg you to help me. I cannot face this alone.” It costs her to ask and Anders knows it does. Anders walks towards Hawke and Justice is blazing behind his eyes. “I will pay your debt Justice, help me and I will pay.” 

“You do not have to bargain with me Tessa, never do you have to bargain with me.” Justice walks forward, cups Hawke's face for a moment before taking his staff out and twirls it approaching the Revenant.

Anders is not impressive as a warrior most days; he is after all a mage. Justice however is impressive with the staff wielding the double bladed item like a great sword. Staff in one hand his feet shoulder apart and perfectly balanced. One foot slightly in front of the other he beckons the Revenant forward and then explodes into action. He is dancing and slicing at the Revenant, dodging the spells and utterly annihilating the Revenant until the soul rises screaming loud enough to deafen them all. When it rushes for Hawke Justice reaches for it and crushes it in his hand. “Okay Blondie, you are far more impressive than I originally thought.” Varric says in the silence as Anders hits his knees. 

“I’m sorry Anders, that couldn’t have been easy for you. I wouldn’t have asked unless I had to, ask me any boon you like and I will try and do it.” Hawke walks to him tentatively. 

“Tessa?” Anders asks and Hawke smiles. 

“That boon I will not grant you, I lost a bet to Justice one night and had to tell him my name. You may not call me that, he has earned that right though.” Anders nods and walks away getting a drink of water.

“I would ask no boon of you Hawke.” Hawke nods at this walks farther up the tunnel.

“We are running out of tunnel, she is likely in the next room Fenris.” Hawke arches an eyebrow at Fenris when she says this.

Hadriana is human, black hair held back in a severe bun and dark eyes. She is not as attractive as Hawke thought she would be though she does put up one hell of a fight. When the dust settles though Hawke has her blade to the mage's throat and Fenris is beside her. “She is yours to do with as you like Fenris kill her or not as you see fit.” Hawke smiles at the fear in the woman’s face. 

“Stop you do not want me dead.” 

“There is only one person I want more.” Fenris is snarling. 

“I have information you need, you want. Promise to let me live and I will tell you.” She is pleading and Hawke enjoys the smell of fear. 

“The location of Danarius? What good does that do me? I’d rather he loose his pet pupil.” Fenris is enjoying the role reversal. 

“You have a sister she is alive.” Fenris sheathes his blade and all of them are edgy at this admission. “You wish to reclaim your life let me go and I will tell you where she is.” Hadriana begs as Fenris narrows his eyes in thought. 

“How do we even know you are telling the truth?” Hawke chimes in. 

“You don’t but I know Fenris and I know what he is searching for. He wants me to betray Danarius he will have to pay for it.” Hadriana offers. 

Hawke is still spinning one of her blades. “This is your call, I will not interfere.” 

“So I have your word, I tell you and you let me go.” Hadriana asks and Fenris is in her face every inch the wolf he is named for. 

“Yes you have my word.” Fenris finally bites out and Hawke hears the falsehood. 

“Her name is Varania; she is in Korinus serving a Magister by the name of Aramis.” Hadriana says quickly. 

“A servant not a slave.” Fenris confirms. 

“She is not a slave.” Hadriana confirms and Fenris’ markings glow. 

“I believe you.” His hand reaches into her chest and crushes her heart. “We are done here.” He says as the body falls and he turns to walk away. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Hawke offers. 

“No I don’t want to talk about it. This could be a trap he could have sent Hadriana here to tell me about this sister but if he didn’t trying to find her would still be suicide. Danarius has to know about her and has to know Hadriana knows but all that matters is that I finally got to crush this bitch’s heart may she rot and all the other mages with her.” Fenris says not looking at Hawke, not daring to. 

“Here I thought you were unreasonable.” Anders chimes in. 

“Maybe we should leave.” Hawke offers and puts her hand on Fenris’ shoulder, he shrugs her off. 

“Don’t comfort me. You saw what was done here, there is always going to be some reason some excuse why mages need to do this. If I found my sister who knows what the mages have done to her. What has magic touched that it does not spoil?” Seeing the hurt in Hawke’s eyes Fenris turns away his hand to his head as he frowns. “I need to go.” They all move out of his way as he moves and Hawke shakes her head.

Hawke is at the estate checking messages before heading upstairs to deal with the blood and gunk she is currently covered in. Done she ties on her robe headed for her room when she sees Fenris is sitting on a bench outside her door. “I came to apologize.” He admits quietly. 

“I was worried about you; I had no idea where you had gone.” Fenris stands and then starts to pace. 

“Hadriana was a tormentor, she would withhold my food, my water anything she could to lord over the fact she could get away with it. I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to kill her though I did not want to.” 

“Why did you not want to?” Hawke asks crossing her arms and keeping her distance for the moment. 

“I gave my word, but I couldn’t allow her to go back to Danarius or to continue torturing slaves. I couldn’t. This is not why I came here though, I came to say I was sorry I took my anger out on you and I did.” Hawke has no idea what possesses her to reach out to grab him. 

“Don’t go, please.” Fenris’ markings glow and he has her arms pinning them to her sides and searches her face. He kisses her, she answers and he pushes her against the wall parting her robe and tracing her body. Cold metal against her nipples has her moaning and he pulls back a little and smiles.

“Tell me to leave and I will.” Fenris lips inches from hers. 

“No, please don’t leave.” She pushes against him and he releases her enough to get to her bedroom where his armor is shed and he pushes her down on the bed finishing taking off her robe. Her touch is feather light and his is as well tracing with his tongue all the little scars she has as he tastes her and sends her over the edge. “Fenris? I’ve never, if this is not what you want tell me.” She says in a rush looking at his eyes.

“Then I am honored.” He kisses her while his fingers dance lower and then enters her slowly. She needs to be ready for him. She gasps and he smiles at her when she orgasms he enters another finger and when she is weeping for him, begging for relief he enters. He smiles as she keeps her touch light and tentative. “My brave little Hawke, thank you for letting me help you fly.” As he gets close to release memories bombard him, memories he does not want. His markings react and the pain is excruciating as well as pleasure. She joins him as he shakes his head trying to regain the memories, he is too emotionally raw, and this was a mistake. He has to get away from here, has to get away from her, this he cannot share. This he cannot show and as she dozes lightly he dresses. It’s the clink of his blade that wakes her, she smiles until she sees he is dressed. 

“Was it that bad?” Hawke asks and he shakes his head. 

“It was fine, no that is insufficient. It was the best thing I have done in a long time but it cannot happen again.” 

“Your markings, I’m sorry.”Fenris shakes his head he debates turning away instead crosses and kneels down putting him level with her eyes. He needs her to hate him, needs her to walk away. 

“I will not stay with someone that causes me such pain; I will not be collared by you.” He sees the glitter of her resolve, the hate and nods it is enough. 

Fenris shakes his head trying to lose the memory and throws a bottle at the wall. Hawke is at the door and shakes her head. “You could have at least offered me a glass before you did that.” Takes one of the other bottles off the table and takes a swig smiling at the pleasant burn and marveling at the smooth wine. “Better than what I have in my cellars what is this?” Hawke says handing the bottle to Fenris, she is careful not to touch him. 

“Perro Grigio, I am celebrating these are the last bottles and it has been three years since I escaped.” 

“Then congratulations for slipping your collar.” She is bitter and he knows why, braces for the verbal abuse he so rightly deserves. But he knows Hawke better than that, knows she will not say a word about what happened between them. His Hawke that flies so far above them all only coming down to bury her talons in her prey and rejoice in their death.

She would not bring up their troubles; those are mere field mice to her when she has other things on her mind. “I need to check in with the Arishok in the morning, it has been a few days since we found the men. I would like for you to come with us, he seems more inclined to listen to me when you are there.” Fenris hands her the bottle back and she takes a swig retaining the bottle and walking over to the fire. 

“If you want me there then I will be.” Fenris watches her by the firelight and marvels at her beauty. She is hard planes and sharp angles, her life too hard to lend her the luscious curves her sister is blessed with. She is the eldest, Carver and Bethany twins behind her. “Tell me about your family.” Fenris asks and Hawke turns to him and shakes her head causing the braid to bounce behind her so near the flames. 

“You may be drunk enough for confessional but I am not. Nor will I ever be.” Hawke hands him the bottle. 

“Want to hear the story of how I escaped?” Hawke is already at the door of the library and turns back to him. 

“If you are willing to share than I will listen, but I will not share.” Fenris nods at that and smiles as she sits at the table he gets some fruit and cheese from the kitchen and smiles as she nibbles on a piece of cheese.

“We were at the island Saharan when a Qunari attack hit us. There were ships to take the Magisters to safety but not the slaves. I managed to get him on a ship but I was unable to get on it.” 

“I thought you were valuable to Danarius.” Hawke is confused. 

“I am he had no choice. He was injured in the attack and so was I though not badly. I escaped to the jungle to a group of fog warriors. It’s what they call the indigenous people there, they bow to no master are free with their affections. I was happy there.” Hawke is silent as Fenris takes another pull and so does she from the bottle. “It was several weeks before Danarius could mount a search for me and he did find me. Told me to kill the group I was with and I did.” 

“Fenris why?” Hawke is surprised. 

“It seemed inevitable, he would find me and I would return with him. But the fog warriors wouldn't let me go and injured Danarius. Told me to run and I did. Caught a ship here and here I am three years later. Waiting on my former master to finally come and get me again.” Fenris finishes the bottle. 

“Would you kill me if Danarius ordered you to?” Hawke asks quietly. 

“Never.” Is his reply and Hawke smiles at the fierceness of it. 

“I thank you for the truth Fenris; I know it was not easy.” Hawke gets up he wants to reach out to her, wants to wrap her up in his arms and kiss her but he does not and instead watches her walk out the door.


	25. Negotiations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Dammit Blondie, there are times I just want to muzzle you.” Varric

“Walking into the Gallows and demanding your sister isn’t going to work Hawke.” Varric watches as Hawke paces in front of him twirling one of her daggers she has been going over and dismissing plans for the past couple of hours. Getting in and out is pretty easy for Hawke, getting Bethany out will be the problem. 

“How did you get Karl to the Chantry?” She asks Anders biting her lip in concentration. 

“Those mages that believe are allowed to go to the Chantry if they bribe the right Templar.” 

“Emeric?” Fenris suggests knowing they are looking into something for the Templar. 

“Thrask would be better but I don’t want to owe him a favor.” Hawke shakes her head. 

“I’ll talk to Thrask Hawke; I don’t mind doing a favor for the Templar.” 

“You will not incur debt on my behalf Varric, I appreciate it though.” Varric nods and Hawke heads out to the Gallows. 

“If you get her out they will hunt her.” Isabella says and Hawke stops. 

“You wouldn’t say that unless you had a plan Riviani, what do you have up your sleeve?” Varric crosses his arms. 

“I don’t actually, I am just not sure getting her out is a good thing. She is safe, she can’t be used against you and you know where she is.”

“They won’t keep her here long.” Anders whispers quietly and Hawke looks at him in horror. “They don’t keep the mages near their family usually; they are always sent somewhere else. She could be shipped to Orlesia, Antiva, she could even be sent to the one I came from.” Hawke is out the door to the gallows without a look back. 

“Dammit Blondie, there are times I just want to muzzle you.” Varric follows Hawke. 

“She’ll get herself and her sister killed if she goes in there daggers blazing we need to stop her.” Isabella says following Hawke and the others out the door. “Fenris do be a dear and fetch.” Isabella purrs and Fenris snarls at her. 

“Broody, you’re the only one that could possibly stop her, please.” Varric begs and Fenris nods putting on a burst of speed. Hawke has taken to the roofs and he quickly follows. He knows where she is headed and beelines for there. Hawke stops long enough in the square to see who is following her. She doesn’t see anyone and smiles and goes to step out of the shadow when Fenris' hand grabs her. Her blades stay sheathed as they dance him trying to restrain her and her trying to incapacitate him. Even with his markings she is lightning fast and he bares his teeth in challenge at her. When the others get there they form a loose ring around the combatants and take silent bets on the outcome.

“Anyone else getting hot and bothered watching this, who knew she could move like that?” Isabella says and Varric chuckles. 

“They aren’t even really going yet, give him a minute ah there we go.” Fenris has figured out her pattern and amped up his speed. He grabs her but she throws him over her shoulder retaining the wrist which he bends and pulls her close again holding her by the throat and putting pressure on the windpipe to knock her out. She steps back into his grip and then he is sailing over her head and she has dropped into fighting stance and pulled her daggers. Fenris rolls, gets up and assesses the blades in her hand. Crippler poison on one, magebane on the other one one will make his markings useless the other will make him useless. 

“Think this through Hawke. If you go directly at them you will lose your mother has already lost one child, do not make her bury you as well.” Fenris holds his hands out in entreaty. 

“Fine, we talk to Thrask.” Hawke puts her daggers away turning her back to them all. Money is exchanged and Hawke shakes her head at this group.

“Hawke, if you don’t need me I am going to go take a shower.” Isabella says stopping. Hawke walks back to the pirate and traces from chest to navel with the tip of her dagger. 

“All hot and bothered watching Fenris and I?” 

“Yes and you’re not helping with the dagger.” Isabella moans and Hawke turns around to leave. Isabella grabs Hawke’s braid and kisses her releasing a stunned Hawke Isabella smiles. “Never tease unless you are willing to please Hawke.” Hawke nods and goes to find Thrask, Anders, Fenris, and Varric with her.

“Serrah Hawke?” Hawke turns as Anders curses. 

“Ser Cullen, how can I help you?” Hawke asks turning to the Knight-Captain. 

“Whom are you looking for?” Cullen asks. 

“Ser Thrask, actually why?” Hawke crosses her arms unsure why Cullen has stopped her and keeps looking at Anders. 

“Anders, I need to talk to you when you have a moment.” Cullen finally says and Hawke turns to see how Anders will react to this. 

“Talk to me or arrest me?” Anders asks quietly. 

“Talk, I have no wish to interfere with the work you do healer.” Fenris frowns at this. 

“Come to the estate Cullen, you can talk to him there.” 

“You can keep him safe there is what you mean.” Cullen remarks bitterly to Hawke's request. 

“Estate or you stay away your choice.” Hawke fingers the sheathed dagger. Cullen nods and Varric stays to keep the man company and make sure he doesn’t pull anyone else. 

“Serrah Hawke, what can I do for you?” Thrask asks when she finds him. 

“I need to speak with my sister Bethany.” 

“Where and when?” Thrask asks as Hawke passes him coin. 

“Chantry and tomorrow night.” 

“I will have her there; she will be with Henrick, good Templar susceptible to bribes.” Hawke nods and leaves. Picking up Cullen and Varric they head back to the estate and Hawke sits on the desk as Anders sits in the chair behind her and Cullen stands in front of them. It’s a clear statement and Anders puts a hand on Hawke’s back in thanks.

“Does she know?” Cullen asks and Anders hesitates. 

“You want to talk about her? Truly? You would tell me what happened?” Anders asks going a little pale. 

“I didn’t betray her, I didn’t ask for any of it. I was happy, she was happy we were happy.” Cullen says clenching his fists. 

“She died scared and alone and was convinced you had betrayed her Cullen. She was in labor, she couldn’t defend herself and they butchered her in cold blood. Did you even give a thought to Sten who gave his life for her? Travis?” Anders asks and Hawke hears the pain, this pain that cuts so deep. 

“You don’t think I know that? I loved Neria, would have given my life to trade places with her. That was my child they butchered. Have you spoken to Alistair?” Cullen's voice is rough with emotion. 

“Yes, I told him, I should kill you, take vengeance for her.” Anders says angrily. 

“No Anders, vengeance is no answer for this.” Hawke speaks trying to piece together what they are talking about. When she gets there she gasps. “Neria didn’t die on the tower, she lived? How?” Hawke demands looking at Cullen in shock. 

“Doesn’t matter, she is dead now dead because my prayers were answered.” Cullen says bitterly shaking his head. 

“Seekers came for her Cullen, They knew who she was and where she was, who else could have told them that? Who could have betrayed her but you?" Anders has his hands clenched and bangs them on the desk in frustration. 

“Do not speak to me of betrayal when she gave her life for you.” Cullen is trying to get to Anders and Hawke pushes him away with her feet making the man thump against the shelves. 

“Keep your hands to yourself Cullen, Anders.” Hawke orders hands on the desk away from her weapons still. 

“There is nothing you could say that I have not already; there is no blame or grief deeper than her she who just wanted to be happy, she who suffered so much only to be killed for you.” Anders says shaking his head. 

“If I betrayed her Anders, it was not intentional. I had not prayed in months. I had not whispered a word to anyone about her, we were going to welcome our child together.” Cullen is anguished. 

“Then we are done. You would not seek vengeance for her either?” Anders asks curiously. 

“Against the Maker expressing his will? No. I broke my vows for her and I was punished with her death. Spilling blood in her name will never be the answer.” Cullen shakes his head. 

“She would have done it for you.” Anders says it quietly, bitterly. 

“She would have been wrong.” Cullen leaves. 

“Anders?” Hawke asks tentatively. 

“She was surrounded in burning bodies when they found her.” Anders tells Hawke all of it, the whole story and she is raw with grief when it is done. “She was powerful enough to burn the world and strong enough to accept her fate. She was my best friend when no one wanted to be near any of us. She was an amazing woman.” Anders finishes raw and tired. 

“She is why you fight so hard for the mages?” Hawke is curious. 

“No, I’ve always done that, she is just a shining example of how wrong things can go, how horrible the Chantry and the circle can be to someone with magic.” Anders says shaking his head and biting his cheek. 

“She would have been killed outside of the circle Anders; her magic had to be bound. Where would she have been safe?” Hawke asks and Anders shakes his head. 

“I don’t know but there has to be a way, there has to be a way to make it better.” He leaves. Fenris comes in after Anders leaves and is at her side when he sees her grief when he would comfort her though she moves away.

“No Fenris, let’s not I wish to be alone.” Fenris nods and leaves and Hawke sits and looks out the window at the city below her.


	26. Ambassador

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “How may we be of service to the great Arishok?” Fenris asks and Hawke stays silent.

“Serrah Hawke, your presence is requested by the Arishok now.” Hawke nods at the Qunari warrior that Bodhan has let in. 

“Let’s go, do you require any of my companions?” she asks as they walk through the empty streets. 

“Fenris will join us at the compound.” Hawke nods and sees Fenris pacing at the gate next to his Qunari Hawke does not like the way they are watched as they enter the compound of the finality of the gate closing behind her and Fenris. 

“Serrah Hawke, Ser Fenris. Glad you could join me.” The Arishok says in greeting from his seat. 

“How may we be of service to the great Arishok?” Fenris asks and Hawke stays silent. 

“I have a task for you Hawke. My delegates have been taken from the Viscount's door. I want them found.” Hawke raises an eyebrow at the request. 

“I am humbled at your request Arishok and will find your delegate post haste.” Hawke salutes the Arishok. 

“I want them alive Hawke, or their captors dead.” 

“It will be as you requested.” She and Fenris leave and when she is sure they are followed she takes to the roofs, Fenris following her. They leave the spies in the dust and as the sun comes up Fenris is standing next to her looking at the sunrise and the sparkling blue waters of the ocean. “Nothing like this in Lothering.” Hawke says to Fenris smiling. 

“Nothing like this in Tevinter either, not with you here.” Hawk’s smiles freezes at that and she turns away and drops down to the street entering her house to get some sleep.

“Mistress, Anders is here.” Hawke nods at Bodhan's words and heads to her bedroom stopping at the library door on the way. 

“Anders?” 

“Where have you been all night?” 

Hawke smiles. “Nowhere important enough to discuss when I am so tired.” She heads into her bedroom and steps behind the screen knowing Anders follows. Daggers are placed on the bench and armor is unbuckled and piled into a chest next to the bench. Hawke is precise in her movements when it comes to her armor and weapons. When she is done taking the blades off she carries them on the tray to the floor by her bed and spreads a cloth on the floor. Anders watches as she takes each blade and its antidote and lines them up and then starts cleaning and polishing them. 

“You need sleep Hawke.” Anders watches as she picks up blade after blade inspecting it. 

“I will are you expecting trouble when we get Beth?” She asks quietly. 

“I am always expecting trouble when it comes to the Templars, it’s why I haven’t been caught.” 

“You haven't been caught because you are my companion; you haven’t been caught because Varric and I spend a small fortune in bribes and misdirection. You haven’t been caught because Aveline misdirects the Templars. You are not free Anders; you do not owe your freedom to anyone but me. Remember that when you contemplate betraying me, remember that when you are berating Aveline about the plight of the mages.” Hawke says flatly, never taking her eyes off the task at hand.

“When your power and money aren’t enough? We have to do something about the Chantry now.” Anders says. 

“I understand your rage, I understand the need to avenge all the wrongs and prevent more but you cannot put my sister in danger. Your actions have consequences everyone but you are paying.” Hawke says finally looking up and willing the mage to look at her. 

“I never asked for any of you to do that.” Anders whispers. 

“Yes Anders you did, you did by healing Varric’s brother, you did by helping get Fenris out of the Slavers pit, you did by helping Aveline when her guards were near death. You did by offering Justice’s help.” Hawke keeps his gaze steadily. 

“Why are you telling me this?” Anders asks putting his hand on Hawke’s back. 

“Because I know you are planning something, I know many will be hurt and I am trying desperately to remind you there are those of us who need you, who want you in their lives.” Hawke doesn’t turn towards him. 

“I am thankful for that. I truly am.” Anders says quietly. 

“But you aren’t going to stop are you?” Hawke asks finishing with her blades and putting everything away. 

“No.” Anders admits and leaves.


	27. Sunshine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Let her go and you live, that is the only way this will go.” Hawke is twirling her blades and dropping into fighting stance.

Hawke naps more than sleeps though is fine when night comes and her companions gather to go to the Chantry. “A drunk says the Qunari were captured on the authority of the Grand Cleric.” Isabella says in greeting to Hawke. 

“I will have to talk to her in the morning then; tonight I need to focus on Bethany.” Hawke is strapping blades and checking the clearance on her throwing knives. 

“You do know we are going to a church right?” Varric asks watching Hawke. 

“A church with Templars, yes I am well aware.” Hawke smiles as Anders show up. At the church Hawke and Anders approach the upper landing and Hawke swears when she sees a Templar with a blade to Bethany's throat. She is on her knees and there are more than a few contingents of Templars here. Hawke slides her eyes to the left and right as Isabella and Fenris move around to flank those they can. 

“On your knees Serrah Hawke, Apostate Anders this does not need to end in bloodshed.” Templar Lieutenant says. 

“Let her go.” Anders demands and Hawke casts a glance at him. “Let her go and I will come with you.” 

“No Anders, don’t.” Bethany says suddenly. 

“Hush You!” Templar nicks Bethany with his blade and Hawke’s rage is too far gone. She sinks daggers in the helmets of the Templars next to the one holding her sister. 

“Let her go and you live, that is the only way this will go.” Hawke is twirling her blades and dropping into fighting stance. 

“We do not bargain with mage lovers bitch.”

Hawke is throwing the knife, knows it will not reach the man in time to stop the man from slicing Beth’s neck and almost severing her head from her body. She is dead before she hits the ground and Anders screams as Justice jumps into action along with the rest of them. It is over shortly, the small chapel they are in covered in blood and bodies and Hawke on her knees holding her sister. “No please no, please I can’t. Hawke is crying as her sister’s soul enters her and then she is smiling and laughing as Beth’s memories flood her, envelope her in warmth and happiness. 

“Even in death you are sunshine” Varric says. 

“Merrill, I need you to summon some shades please, we need to make this look like Bethany was a blood mage.” Hawke requests sadly and Merrill nods even as the others gasp. 

“No, Hawke let her be.” Isabella says and Hawke shakes her head. 

“How else are we going to explain this? We cannot be found to be here.” Fenris crouches next to Hawke. “We need to leave.” He continues and she nods taking the necklace from Bethany’s neck and pocketing it. 

“Mother will want this.” Hawke says and Fenris nods keeping a hold of her arm as she stands and sways. 

“Get her home Fen; we’ll take care of this here.” Varric demands and he nods scooping Hawke up even as she is begging to stay with her sister. Anders places his hand on her head and puts her to sleep. 

“It should hold until you are back at the estate.” 

“I will take her to the mansion; I don’t think she could face her mother right now.” Fenris leaves with her.

Back at his house Fenris places a still sleeping Hawke on his bed and take her boots off and her blades. He does not unsheathe the daggers, knows there is poison on most of them. When her armor is off and she is in her underwear and shirt she wears under the armor Fenris sits down and starts cleaning his blade finally done with the task he lays down with her. Hawke wakes up to see Fenris in the bed next to her topless and in his pants. She is in her shirt and underwear and she goes to the bathroom and starts the water for a bath. Fenris wakes to hear the water in the tub filling and stays where he is at. Over the water he can hear her sobbing as her heart is utterly broken. He gets up and gets dressed, leaving to bring back food for them both. Hawke gets out of the tub and dries off and gets dressed. She is braiding her hair when Fenris comes back with food. “I thought you might be hungry.” Hawke shakes her head at him and moves to go past him.

“Eat Hawke, I know you don’t want to but you need to.” Hawke nods finally and eats the food, it tastes of ashes in her mouth, will until she dispels the souls but she doesn’t want to doesn’t want to let go of her sister. 

“Thank You.” Hawke gets up to leave. 

“She was strong, one of the few mages I have ever met that was utterly devoted to others. She will be missed.” Hawke nods at Fenris' description of her sister and leaves. Back at the estate her mother is in tears and Cullen is standing in front of her. 

“What’s happened?” Hawke asks running to her mother she needs to make this look good. 

“Your sister, she was killed by Templars last night, she summoned demons.” Cullen says woodenly. “I am sorry for your loss” Cullen finishes and leaves. 

“Oh Bethany, why? Why Bethany?” Leandra is grieving and Hawke is at a loss of how to comfort her. “You should have kept her safe; you swore you would keep her safe.” Leandra is lashing out at Hawke and she registers Anders and Varric’s intakes of breath. 

“Yes mother, I did, I am sorry. I swore to keep them both safe and I failed. I do have her necklace though, I have been meaning to give it to you and I haven’t had a chance.” Hawke hands the necklace to Leandra and she wails and takes the slap her mother deals her. When she rains blows down on Hawke she stands there and takes them until her mother breaks again and she hugs her going down to the ground with her and holding her mother as she cries.

When her mother is done crying Hawke stands up and helps her mother to her bedroom. “Get out! How could you not bring her back? Get out!” Leandra is screaming and Hawke leaves ducking the object her mother hurls at her. She slides her mask into place as she gets closer to Varric and Anders and takes a deep breath before motioning the others to follow her. Fenris detaches from the wall to follow her as well clenches his fists trying to get his markings to calm down. 

“Where to Hawke?” Varric asks quietly. 

“Chantry, we need to have a careful conversation with the Grand Cleric about missing Qunari” She takes a deep breath when they get there stopping outside the door.


	28. When Negotiations Can’t Work

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Serrah Hawke, Arishok wishes to speak with you.” Qunari appear and surround the group.

When Negotiations Can’t Work  
“We don't need to do this right now Hawke.” Varric offers when she is as pale as a ghost about going into the church. 

“No, this needs to be done. I said I would do it and I will.” Hawke squares her shoulders and enters the church. She sends one of the apprentices to find the Grand Cleric when a very familiar woman comes from one of the alcoves. 

“Serrah Hawke.” the blonde woman says and Hawke narrows her eyes. 

“Sister Patrice, fancy meeting you here.” Hawke is not amused to see this woman. 

“Mother Patrice, time has changed us both it seems.” 

“Indeed it has, though something to do with the Qunari and you are here.” Hawke shrugs and crosses her arms. 

“So are you, here to defend the Heathens. Her Grace does not have time to see you.” Patrice shrugs and goes to leave. 

“Her Grace's seal seems to have been misused in the abduction of Qunari delegates.” When Patrice says nothing to Hawke's accusation she continues. “A pause that tells me you knew naughty naughty. I will talk to her grace.” 

“You will not, she does not have time for you.” Patrice turns back to Hawke again.

“I can always come back Patrice, you won't always be here.” Hawke says her eyes staying on the face of the woman in front of her, not daring to look at the upper balcony. 

“Stubborn! If you must know they were probably taken by a certain Templar. Ser Garvel” 

“The plot thickens.” Varric says and Hawke smiles slightly.

“What is your connection to this Templar?” Anders asks. 

“He was my former body guard. He has been holding meetings in this location.” Patrice hands her an address and Hawke nods. 

“Congrats Hawke, you have officially been invited to a trap.” Varric says. 

“Shall we go spring it?” Hawke asks a ghost of a smile on her face as they leave the Chantry. 

“Ah, there's the bloodthirsty woman we love.” Varric smiles shaking his head.

Going to the address they hear voices but it’s not until they are closer that Hawke's teeth clench. “Like any dog, remove the fangs and it is lost. They are weak before the faithful of the Maker. The only certainty in their precious Qun is death before the righteous.” Garvel says as he paces in front of the 6 Qunari who are chained standing up to a wall. There is a huge group of people there and Hawke is trying to stay calm. Each of the Qunari wears the red markings that declare them guards while the delegate wears a mask and the stripes of voice. A fact Fenris points out as he unsheathes his blade biting back on the need to kill. 

“Ser Garvel!” Patrice is coming from behind the group and Hawke hisses knowing she is being used as a pawn. 

“Take a knee faithful and join us.” Garvel says to Patrice and Hawke crosses her arms as Patrice launches into a speech. 

“You claim a blessing when you have used the authority of the grand cleric so openly? You have brought wrath down upon you. You remember Serrah Hawke? The Qunari have friends, Templar. How will you answer their allegations?” Patrice is using Hawke and she silently swears to get even later. Right now only one of the Qunari is dead and she needs the rest free. 

“You want a fight? Face someone whose weapons are not bound!” Hawke is unsheathing her swords. Garvel walks over to another of the Qunari and slits his throat. 

“Righteous Destroy them!” He orders and the room erupts into chaos as Patrice makes a hasty retreat. Hawke debates going after her and discards the idea as the fight comes to them.

When the bodies finally stop moving and the blood is pooling under everyone's feet Hawke sighs. “Now I get to bring this mess to the viscount's attention.” When the Viscount and Aveline are there Hawke just waits. 

“Madness!” Viscount wails and Hawke agrees. “You killed them all?” 

Hawke shakes her head sadly. “I suspect a mother of helping them.” 

“She was here with them? She told them to fight you?” Viscount says hopefully. 

“No, she will lay low for a time but Chantry involvement is never good.” Hawke is honest with the Viscount. 

“You have no idea the storm these allegations will cause, the support I could lose.” Viscount says crossing his arms. 

“I have dealt with her before, she is slippery.” Hawke admits and the Viscount crosses his arms glaring at her. 

“I will make my inquiries, gently. Be careful in your associations in the meantime.” That is said with a glare at Anders. “We have bigger problems though, I have the bodies of the delegates but I cannot return them in this state. What would you do Serrah Hawke?” Hawke debates this, looks to Fenris for guidance on this. 

“Hiding this will make it worse.” Fenris says and Hawke nods. 

“I will tell him, though I am loathing dealing with his anger about this.” Viscount nods at this. 

“I leave it in your hands Serrah Hawke.” He leaves and Hawke sighs at all the bodies. She works with the guards to wrap the bodies and load them to be delivered to the compound. 

“I'll make sure the bodies get to the compound Hawke, see him in the morning.” Aveline offers and Hawke nods thankful. She needs to figure out how to handle this how to tell the Arishok she failed in her contract. 

“Hanged Man Hawke?” Varric offers as they pass the place. 

“No, thank you though.” 

“Serrah Hawke, Arishok wishes to speak with you.” Qunari appear and surround the group. 

“I know, you guys really need to learn to move more silently, heard you coming for miles.” Hawke gripes facing the one in the mask. He is the only one allowed to speak. 

“Come with us now.” 

“Or what? You plan on killing me here in the street without the information your Arishok needs?” Hawke spread her arms in a come on gesture she is tired she needs to sleep and she needs solitude. Masked one crosses his arms and glares at her. “Just me or is the entire party allowed to come? Sure you don't want a drink before we go?” Hawke is smiling at the masked one and sees a couple of the others smile. 

“Elf may come, rest no.” Mask orders and Hawke pouts. 

“But Varric is the story teller; don't want him to get the details of how the masked Qunari glistens in the moonlight his gaze burning holes in the puny human's eyes as she tests his patience beyond limits.” One of the other Qunari is trying to stifle his chuckle with a clearing of his throat. 

“I like that one Hawke; I am definitely using that one.” Varric is enjoying the show. 

“Hawke, it is not wise to push warriors to their breaking point. They will be punished severely if you do not go with them now.” Fenris is moving towards Hawke. All of the Qunari drop into fighting stance and Fenris smiles; they fear him more than her. That will be a fatal mistake for them later. Shrugging Hawke skips down the alley and then disappears out of view. The Qunari curse until she peaks her head down right in front of the masked ones face. He is grabbing for her and manages to catch her braid to pull her down and shakes her. 

“You will come with us Hawke, willing or not.” Hawke takes her dagger and slices through the braid dropping and rolling away from the masked Qunari 

“Tell ya what big boy, I'll meet you there.” She is gone again and Fenris smiles as he and Varric are escorted to the compound. Hawke is tapping her foot impatiently waiting for them to get there. It is surprising to see her with the short hair and Fenris mourns the loss of the long tresses.

“Serrah Hawke, I hear you found my delegates.” Arishok is in his normal place. 

Hawke steps forward. “I did.” 

“How do you explain their bodies?” Hawke sighs at this. 

“That is the work of a few Zealots, they are dead save one a Mother Patrice” 

“Ah yes, she has been mentioned before. I have been wondering how to deal with her. If she interferes in my commands again I will have to deal with her. The Qun is clear in this matter.” Arishok levels her with a gaze. 

“I will deal with her for you Arishok, she has crossed me one too many times.” Hawke is keeping her eyes on the Arishok out of respect. 

“I will be watching you Hawke, do not cross me.” 

“In this matter we agree Arishok.” Hawke admits evasively. 

“You are an interesting one Hawke, you are free to go.” Hawke leaves and doesn't take a breath until they are out of the compound. 

“He is way worse than you described him Hawke.” Varric says and Fenris smiles. 

“He's actually quite nice when he wants to be.” Hawke assures brightly. 

“Hawke, this belongs to you.” Masked Qunari gives her the braid of her hair. 

“You honor us.” Fenris comments and Hawke looks at him questioningly though doesn't say anything until they are out of sight. 

“Broody, would you want to enlighten us?” Varric asks as they get closer to the Hanged Man again. 

“Her hair, he could have kept it as a trophy from the fight. That you gave it to him signifies you consider him a worthy opponent.” 

“He isn't though, lost him in two seconds flat.” Hawke says shaking her head as she enters the tavern and makes her way to Varric's table. 

“He had orders to not hurt you Hawke; I assure you if you ever come to fight a Sten he will be worthy.” Fenris says as Hawke takes the hair to the fire and throws it in turning away as the hair burns quickly. Fenris picks up the ribbon that was in it and puts it in his pouch.


	29. Marigolds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Basra, Arishok waits for you.” His mask is in place but Hawke can still see the blue eyes she nods as he opens the gate steps aside for her to cross.

“Hawke, you are needed by Arishok.” Karasaad demands as Hawke exits the Chantry with her mother and Gamlen. 

“Tessa you promised.” Leandra admonishes sees Aveline close as well as Fenris. Hawke sighs crooks a finger to Fenris, Aveline and the messenger. 

All approach her and she pays the messenger snagging him as she reads the note. “Take this back to Varric, tell him tomorrow.” 

Messenger leaves she looks at the Karasaad, “Tell Arishok no.” Karasaad looks at her like she has lost her mind. “No?” Hawke nods. “Hawke.” 

Hawke holds a hand up, “Fine tell him tomorrow I will see him, I cannot today. Aveline whatever you have either take the rest of the group to deal with it or it will have to keep until tomorrow, same for you Fenris unless it’s Danarius everything will just have to keep.” Hawke turns on her heel and marches back to her mother and Gamlin. 

“She said what?” Arishok is positive he did not hear correctly. 

“She said no.” He is not sure what to make of this, decides to leave it alone for the moment. 

When Hawke does show up to Aveline’s office it is in her armor and she has Fenris and Varric with her. “Okay, all three of you needed me yesterday figured we’d have a team meeting and get whatever you need resolved. Aveline you first.” 

“What about Arishok? Don’t you need to deal with him?” Aveline asks crossing arms her posture relaxed. 

“I’ll deal with him later, you three are more important so what is going on?” 

Aveline waves a hand shakes her head no, “I will wait until we are in private for mine I don’t need their help.” 

Hawke nods turns to Fenris, “Your turn.” 

Fenris paces away from them, “Wanted to see if you wanted to help me clean out some slavers on the east coast, I am hoping to get some leads on Danarius shouldn’t be gone more than a couple of days.” 

Hawke nods, “Sounds fun, will be good to get me out of here. Varric, what is going on? Have any leads on Bartrand?” 

He shakes his head no, “wanted to tell you I managed to move more of the relics we found.” 

“Let me talk to Aveline and I will catch up with both of you at Hanged man okay?” Fenris and Varric leave allowing Hawke to sit on Aveline’s desk watching as the Captain paces. 

“I know what happened with Bethany wasn’t what you wanted, I know that should have gone better.” 

Hawke holds her hand up to stop the flood. “Don’t, unless you actually need something I have other things to do today.” 

“I am just saying it’s been a rough few weeks and I wouldn’t blame you if.” 

“Aveline, final warning and you are only getting it because of the love I have for you, what do you want or are we done?” 

“Fine, you know Ser Donnic?” Hawke nods. “I really like him, I want to see if I can make a go of it but I have no idea how to talk to him.” 

Hawke snorts and shakes her head. “So now you want me to play matchmaker? Okay I can do that, let me see what Arishok wants and I will be back here to help you, fair?” 

Aveline nodded sighed with relief. “Wasn’t sure if I would go for it?” 

Aveline shakes her head no, “you are so damn touchy about certain subjects love being one of them.” 

“I know what it is Aveline, I hope one day to find it I just haven’t figured out how yet but I will.” 

“I’d ask about Fenris but I know better, I’d ask about anyone you might be interested in but I know better.” 

“Fenris, that’s one I haven’t finished smarting from yet and we’ll leave it at that.” 

“Basra, Arishok waits for you.” His mask is in place but Hawke can still see the blue eyes she nods as he opens the gate steps aside for her to cross. 

“Serrah Hawke.” Hawke inclines her head to Arishok waits for him to state what he needs. “You did not answer my summons when I requested you.” 

“I had given my word to another for the day, my apologies.” Careful Hawke is the hissed command in her ear as if Fenris is actually with her. She’d chosen to do this alone needed to prove to herself she could. 

“You have a reputation for always upholding your contracts.” Arishok’s gaze doesn’t waiver from her eyes and Hawke knows those eyes are silver like hers. 

“I do uphold my contracts, I am also known for my discretion.” Hawke resists the urge to look away from Arishok. 

“I will need both of those qualities for this.” 

“How may I be of service to Arishok?” Is the automatic reply which causes a slight smile to Arishok. 

“You will accompany a group of my men through the Dalish territory to find Deep Root Mushrooms and other herbs in the mountains.” Hawke waits for more, mentally goes through who she could take for this. “You alone will accompany the men not the elf, not the dwarf this is a task only   
for you.” 

Hawke can’t hide her surprise at that. “I do not speak your language Arishok, I do not entreat with the elves enough to get your men through their territory without offering them a favor at a later date.” Arishok doesn’t respond. “What is the timeline for this to happen?” Arishok shrugs at that. 

“I have an outstanding contract for the next few days, I will approach the elves and negotiate passage I will execute our terms within two weeks. Is this acceptable?” Arishok nods and is surprised when Hawke approaches the dais watches her walk up to him. When she puts her hand out for him to grab he arches an eyebrow at her. “I seal all of my contracts with a handshake Arishok; you are no exception to that rule.” 

Arishok hesitates again, “You did not name your payment.” 

Hawke smiles at that, “You are correct, I need to negotiate with the elves before I can negotiate for payment from you what would you offer me?” Arishok thinks about this rack his brain for all of the information he has on Hawke finds it appallingly light. “Let me deal with the elves and we will discuss payment afterwards.” Hawke turns and walks down the dais he watches as she leaves. 

“What would you offer her to get into those caves?” Healer asks leaning against the back wall where Arishok sits. 

“I don’t know, beyond being a woman of her word I have no idea what she values or wants, in all of our dealings she’s never once asked for anything from me though her thirst for knowledge of us is evident. She alone has asked about the Qunari people has asked endless questions about daily life but nothing of military or the Qun I am not sure if that is because the elf provides her information or if she is not interested.”

“Sten.” Arishok calls the man watches as Sten takes his helmet off and approaches. 

“She is different than most Basra, I would offer her information or a chance to train with our men. Her bladeskill is admirable she would learn much from us.” 

Hawke walks to Aveline's office, if the woman wants a match with Donnic she'll do it before she goes out of town with Fenris. Hawke watches Aveline pace, her armor shuffling softly waits for the woman to calm down. “I need you to give this to Donnic, he is not to know it's from me.” Nodding Hawke heads to see Donnic. 

“Donnic, how are you? Have you recovered?” 

“I have thank you, it's been a while Hawke.” 

“It has here, this is for you.” Hawke hands the small package to him, wonders what is inside as well. 

“A copper relief of what looks like marigolds oh and it helpfully says marigolds. Well how crafty. Is there a meaning to this that I should know?”

“Not a clue honestly I was told to give it to you.” Hawke shrugs unhelpfully. 

“Right well I am missing the clue well I am sure we both have things to do of varying import. Serah Hawke.” Donnic leaves and Hawke is left wondering exactly what was the point of this. Donnic is cute, his long brown hair and dark eyes Hawke sees the appeal. He's also one of the few men   
taller than Aveline and with the broad chest enough width to make Aveline and Hawke for that matter feel feminine. 

“You're back, of course you are you're efficient you get things done good or bad.” Aveline looks worried. “How did Donnic react?”

“I'll be honest I missed the meaning too, what was it.” Hawke asks arms crossed. 

“I thought it was clear, metal is strong copper ages well flowers are soft.” Aveline explains and Hawke is still confused. “I've cleary gone about this the wrong way. Don't talk to him again. Just, take this. The patrols for next week, post it to the roster and just listen.” Hawke shakes her head at this takes the paper and does as asked.

“Hey Donnic, whose pucker have you been greasing to get Hightown?” Reese asks, her blonde hair being swiped out of her face again with a mail clad hand. 

“What? You're daft, I'm working dockside on those smugglers.” Donnic shakes his head at the woman doesn't go near the roster.

“Says here you're guarding the square. Always been a make-work job, that one. You someone's pet?” Reese continues points to the description as Donnic does walk over easily looking over the woman's shoulder. 

“Must be a mistake.” Donnic shakes his head as Reese leaves looks again at the paper. “You have got to be kidding me, what did I do to get that post?” 

Hawke's seen enough, time to break the news as she walks back to Aveline's office. “Donnic thinks I'm punishing him? But Hightown is a safe patrol, a reward.”

“You wanted his reaction that is what it is.” Hawke sees Isabella walk in can't wait for her take on this debacle.

“All right I can fix this, I need three goats and a sheaf of wheat. You'll take them to his mother.” Aveline is pacing as she says this Hawke is looking at her like she has lost her mind. “It's a dowry tradition, maybe it will smooth the process.” 

“Wait you're sweet on him?” Isabella is leaning against the wall of the office starts to walk forward hips swaying. “Oh this is glorious, all this flailing is her idea of courtship.” 

“So help me whore I will break you.” Aveline's eyes are flashing and Isabella is smiling from ear to ear.

“How exactly did you think this mess would work Aveline?” Hawke sighs looks at her friend in sympathy.

“I don't know what I thought, I've been focused on being captain for so long that's all I know.” Aveline shakes her head glares at Isabella again. 

“I'm confused, weren't you married before?” Isabella asks running a finger along the top of Aveline's desk notices Aveline shift to move the papers strewn there. 

“That was a long time ago, it was easier or it seemed to be.” Aveline sighs. 

“I can drag him in here, just say the word.” Isabella smiles at the offer. 

“Oh and how would that look! The captain ordering her guardsman to to it wouldn't help.” Aveline sighs again looking dejected. 

“So go out get him drunk, shame is a great equalizer.” Isabella offers.

“What just go out somewhere? Like it's that easy?” Aveline is intrigued and it's better than the gusty sighs. 

“If he doesn't get the picture I could always try.” Isabella offers with a wink earns another glower from Aveline. 

“I'll have Donnic meet us at the Hanged Man, you can do this Aveline.” Hawke's pep talk is interesting to say the least. “Guardsman Donnic? Care to join me and a few of the other guards at the Hanged Man tonight?” Hawke asks smiling she hopes winningly at the man. 

“Sure, I'll see you there.” Donnic nods, heads out. 

“If this actually works I will be shocked.” Isabella whispers at Hawke's shoulder. 

“5 coppers says she won't even show up.” Hawke sighs, she knows Aveline. Confident guard yes, confident as a woman no. 

“Your on Hawke.” Isabella purrs and leaves.

Isabella hands the coppers over shakes her head as Hawke walks over to Aveline after Donnic has left. “I couldn't do it! I just I am a mess at this. Only place I am not is out on patrol and killing bandits doesn't afford a lot of time for talk. I won't risk.” 

“Risk or I swear Aveline I will bed the man myself.” Isabella has her arms crossed her hip cocked the confidence of a woman affluent with men. 

“I think that pretty much forces the issue.” Varric offers well aware of what is going on. “I'll take bets later.” That earns him a scathing look from Aveline. 

“I'll clear the coast and you can figure out something to say.” Hawke offers earning a smile. 

Hawke, Varric, Isabella and Anders are with Hawke as she clears the coast and watches Aveline utterly fail at talking to Donnic about anything other than blades, and other boring stuff. “Rivani this is going to be an easy pot for you to take at this rate.” Varric shakes his head at the pair. 

“Right guardsman, that was a quiet patrol and I think we're done and Hawke? What a surprise, what are you doing here?” Hawke is standing in the middle of the path. 

“Aveline, you have one more shot at this.” 

“Hawke don't.” Aveline is shaking her head at Hawke.

“We don't have all night Aveline.” Varric sighs at the woman earns a glare.

“Would someone please tell me what's going on?” Donnic asks looking at the group. 

“Are you blind man? Kiss her already!” Anders grips walks away. Hawke sighs at that, they've been good comfort to each other dealing with Bethany's death but the mage is still not ready to see love. 

“Captain?” Donnic arches an eyebrow at Aveline who laughs a little. “I should get back to the barracks.” Donnic shakes his head and leaves. 

“Hawke, I thought we were friends. I shouldn't have trusted this to you, I should have known you'd do something like this. I have to fix this, he'll file a complaint maybe ask for a transfer. You are coming to the barracks you are going to explain why you put him on the spot.” Aveline is furious   
and Hawke crosses her arms looks at Aveline as the woman indicates to walk in front of her. 

“Aveline, I'll come to the barracks with you and I will explain I was only following the directions you gave me.” Hawke starts to walk. 

“I think we pissed her off.” Varric stage whispers. 

“Isabella is right, you can be a real bitch sometimes.” Aveline pushes past Hawke knocking shoulders with her. 

“For the record, I'm on your side.” Isabella whispers in Hawke's ear takes the playful slap of Hawke to get her away from her purse in stride.

“Maker where is Donnic? I have to head this off before he goes to the Viscount.” Aveline is pacing and Hawke is standing arms crossed not saying a word. “Maybe a formal apology something to show the guards they can trust me again.” 

“Maybe the copper marigolds again in hindsight those weren't the worse option.” Isabella offers rubbing her fingers on her tunic and looking at them. 

“This isn't funny!” Aveline glares. 

“I beg to differ.” Varric smiles. 

“You'll all be begging for mercy if you keep this up!” Aveline is smiling slightly the absurdity of the thing catching up to her. 

“My apologies Serah Hawke but I need a moment with the captain.” Donnic walks up nods to Hawke as he returns his gaze to Aveline. When giggles escape the door Hawke holds out her hand and Varric pays up. 

Seeing Aveline the next day Hawke is almost smug. “He didn't file a complaint.” Then she is hugging Hawke and suddenly she backs away. “I'm sorry Hawke, I just.” 

Hawke waves it off, “It's fine Aveline, just wanted to let you know I'll be out of town with Fenris for a bit and I'll let you know when I return.” Aveline nods. 

“Anders you here?” Hawke opens the door to the clinic sees how empty it is takes a sniff. “Okay my lovely mage where did you go?” Hawke leaves out the door heads to the Alienage is surprised to see Anders taking tea with Merrill. “Here I thought I would have to do a full scale search for you.” Hawke greets accepts the hug from Merrill. 

“Templars have been too close to the clinic lately so I shut it down for the moment, I'll reopen when they get bored it's not the first time I have had to do it.” Anders responds gets a cup for Hawke while Merrill gets food it a comfortable dance the two have done in the small kitchen again. 

“Then I leave it in your capable hands. I'm sorry if the Aveline thing bugged you I didn't think about it when I brought you.” 

Anders waves it off smiles sadly. “I wish Aveline all the happiness she can get Hawke, I wish if for all of you.”

“You deserve happiness too Anders.” Merrill chimes in smiles as Hawke eats the cookies offered. They really aren't her thing, too sweet but because Merrill made it she eats. 

“Thank you for the hospitality Merrill, I need to get going.” Hawke leaves heads to Fenris' mansion the elf handing her a pack as he closes the door sets the trap on it. 

“Ready?” Fenris asks watches as Hawke nods shouldering the packs and they head out. It is two days of killing slavers with breaks in between where Fenris and Hawke ignore each other. For all they shared a bed, for all the unresolved issues between them neither will bring them up and both will avoid them. When the slavers are dead and the clues are not there Fenris does indulge in a very impressive fit with enough new words of both Qunari and Tevinter Hawke takes notes trying to sound the words out in her head. 

“Thank you for the help Hawke, let me know if you need anything else.” Hawke nods leaves to deal with the elves before headed to talk to Arishok to get that task done.


	30. Distractions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You do not get to demand things Hawke, you will remember where you are and to whom you speak.” Arishok levels a gaze at her.

With Bethany burned Hawke tries to be busy. It is a faulty attempt to distract herself and sometimes it works. To have lost both of her siblings within weeks of each other though Hawke is grieving the only way she knows how, which is why she is in her current predicament, hanging from a pole in the middle of the Qunari compound her hands above her head chained and her shoulders protesting loudly at the abuse of holding her weight. She had agreed to help the Qunari get through the Dalish camp to the caves on Sundermont, she had not planned on the Ratooki being there, or that she would end up getting most of the warriors killed. When she had stumbled back to the compound delirious with poison in her and with one of the warriors clinging to each other to stay awake he had ended up in the healer’s tent and she had gotten the pole. She hasn’t seen the Arishok yet and Hawke has to hazard she had been on this pole for two days so far.

“Good news, I know where Hawke is.” Varric gathers his group at the table in the Hanged man. 

“Where?” is the general reply. 

“Qunari compound, here’s where it gets interesting. She is on a pole, has been for the past two days.” Varric says and looks to Fenris for explanation. 

“Is she doing a task for the Arishok?” Fenris asks and Varric shrugs. “She is on the pole of shame; she must have truly messed up to warrant that.” Fenris is shaking his head. 

“Blondie, do you have any insight?” Varric asks Anders who shakes his head no. 

“With no dead she’s not seeing Justice.” Anders admits shrugging. 

“I can’t go in there with my guards demanding her back.” Aveline is shaking her head. 

“If she got herself into this without us she will need to get herself out of it on her own.” Isabella says and Varric arches an eyebrow at that. 

“Hawke, are you ready to accept your punishment?” Mask is in her face and has lifted her chin with one of his claws to look at her. Hawke uses her feet to launch herself away from the pole and wraps the chain around the masked Qunari’s throat and dangles down his back as he is forced to the pole. 

“I have said I will speak only with the Arishok, and I meant that.” Hawke is using the chain as leverage to keep the Qunari there and then she hears hands clapping together she unwinds the chain from the Qunari’s neck and sits on top of the pole. 

“Well done Hawke, well done indeed.” Arishok is sitting in his chair elbows on knees looking utterly bored at the show. 

“Where is the Karasaad I came back with?” Hawke is relaxing on the pole trying to ignore the sticky sweat and the slightly foggy haze of everything telling her she is woefully dehydrated. 

“You do not get to demand things Hawke, you will remember where you are and to whom you speak.” Arishok levels a gaze at her. 

“You will remember you are a guest in this city and to whom you speak Arishok.” When he gets off the chair and comes towards her Hawke is cursing her temper and then remembers this is the man who put her on this pole, has left her here. Hawke tests the chain for a moment and as the Arishok draws closer Hawke drops down and smiles as the chain snaps allowing her to land in front of him. She is reaching for her weapons and finding none. Arishok is unhurried in his approach but she does not stand a chance of getting away and they both know it. He is the most intimidating thing she has ever seen come at her, she’d prefer the dragon they found in the bone pit compared to this man. Hawke moves away from the pole and drops into fighting stance anyways. Arishok takes in the stance and doesn’t even break stride.

“This is not needed; you will not win this fight.” Hawke smiles at that challenge, it’s a bearing of teeth more than a smile as she sidesteps his first swipe at her and delivers a shot to his kidneys. Her hand complains of the impact, her entire body complains he’s like hitting a brick wall. Arishok doesn’t even grunt at the blow merely picks up her chain and pulls. When she is close enough he grabs her neck and lift her to press against the pole. 

“There is no reason for this fight Hawke. You managed to come back with one of the men.” 

“Then why was I on a pole for two days?” Hawke asks hands gripping his wrist. Her hands don’t even go all the way around it. 

“You took a foolish risk with those men, they wanted to leave and you refused. You refused the order of your Arvaarad despite saying you would. I lost good men to your foolishness.” 

“Arishok, I you are right.” Hawke looks away from him, looks at the healing tent. 

“Hawke, you are lying tell me the truth of what happened.” Hawke looks at the Arishok, debates and then looks at the healing tent. 

“It is how the Karasaad described it Arishok, I am the reason your men are dead.” Arishok looks at the tent and barks some orders out and soon the Karasaad is dragged out of the healing tent the healer flapping his arms at the move. Karasaad doesn’t even fight the men but Hawke squirms against the hold of the Arishok “Don’t, I worked my ass off to get him here, I won’t, and please it’s how he said.” Arishok drops her though keeps a hold of the chain and pulls her with him as he approaches the Karasaad. 

“Speak.” Arishok demands and the man does. It is not a conversation Hawke can follow or even participate in when the conversation is done Karasaad hangs his head and the Arishok grunts. Whatever is said in that grunt the Karasaad panics grabs one of the spears of his guard and throws it. Hawke sees the spear and steps in front of the Arishok taking the spear in the shoulder and flying back landing in a heap cursing. Arishok walks to her, plants a foot on her chest and pulls the spear and chunks it at the Karasaad killing him instantly. Healer is to her putting his hand on the wound to stop it and so is Hawke. When Hawke realizes what happened she is furious. 

“Arishok that was my kill.” Hawke is struggling against the Healer’s hands and manages to sit up. 

“You were wrong to interfere Hawke. Take her to the Healing tent; she stays until she is recovered.” 

“Take me to the bath.” Hawke demands and Arishok looks down at her. 

“Your wound will be cleaned accordingly.” Hawke nods, figures she does not have any souls anyways she can’t heal herself.

Hawke is carried to the Healers tent when she loses consciousness due to the blood loss. When she does wake up it’s to the moans of another patient and she sits up feeling for her weapons. “Easy Hawke. You will call me Healer.” Healer informs and Hawke subsides for the moment. “You’re going to be here a few weeks Hawke. It’s going to take a while for you to regain your muscles since there is literally a hole through the entire thing.” Hawke looks at the bandages and frowns. “Give me a hand with this one and I will show you where the baths are.” Healer bargains and Hawke nods. He is Kossith but his command of the Common tongue is amazing. Hawke follows the healer to the bed and sees the problem. This one has managed to break his leg, badly. “Need you to hand me things as I ask for them. Do not try and use your right arm, if you open that wound I will be upset.” Hawke nods and spends the next hour doing exactly what the Healer asks for. However when the leg is set she gets hit by the flailing patient and lands against the table rattling its contents. “Vashedan!” Healer finishes with the patient and looks at her. 

“Did the wound reopen?” Hawke asks and Healer checks and shakes his head no. 

“Follow me.” Hawke does and gets an eyeful of the rest of the men bathing. 

“Rinse then soak; do not get the bandage wet.” Healer instructs and puts the clothes in his arms on a bench. Hawke watches as the healer crosses his arms and waits. Undoing her armor one handed is interesting. She manages and sits on the bench to wash herself. It is not working and the Healer sighs and grabs the rag from her and has her washed shortly. Climbing the steps to the tub Hawke is really at a disadvantage as the steps were made for Kossith not humans. Climbing those steps is like going up a mountain and when Hawke makes it she is happy to enjoy the fruits of her labor. In the tub are two other Kossith and neither give her a glance as she sits and soaks. Hawke checks her bandage, knows her flesh is using the soul of the Karasaad to stitch itself together. It’s not enough but it should cut a few days off the healing. Done soaking Hawke looks at the mountain of steps and sighs. 

“Jump.” Hawke looks to see Arishok standing at the bottom. 

“Will you catch me? I am under strict orders to not reopen this wound by Healer; currently he scares me more than you.” Hawke admits and the Arishok wrinkles his brow. 

“You fear him more than the one who can kill you so easily?” Is the reply and Hawke nods. 

“If I am dead than I do not care if I heal, if I don’t heal than I will die. I need to live; I have things to get done.” Hawke reasons and the Arishok nods at this. 

“I will catch you.” Arishok offers and does as Hawke jumps and lands in his arms. Putting her down Arishok waits as she dries with a towel and gets dressed. “You do not share the modesty of most of your kind.” Arishok observes and Hawke smiles. 

“I am just as battered as most of your men, there is nothing on my body your men and you have not seen before. Besides I am trying to work on following orders, I have no wish to return to the pole.” Hawke finishes with her hair and drops the towel in the basket takes the tunic and pants offered getting dressed. It's an interesting attempt and Arishok helps her keeping her steady. 

“Why did you cut your hair?” Arishok asks and Hawke frowns at the question. 

“To get loose from one of your men and I have since kept it short to remind myself to never give an advantage to an enemy for vanity.” Arishok grunts at this and Hawke is looking for guards. 

“What?” Arishok asks. 

“Last time you grunted like that guards came and wanted to kill someone, I am checking to see if you have decided that for me.” Hawke fingers are itching for her weapons. 

“You will earn your weapons Hawke; you will stay here and recuperate. Why did you put yourself in harm’s way for me?” Hawke can’t answer, doesn’t have one. 

“I am unsure.” Hawke answers honestly and the Arishok nods his head and turns away walking out of the tent.


	31. Wayward Hawke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “He was he found me unworthy.” Hawke admits spinning a dagger on her left hand.

Fenris is at the gate of the compound waits to see if he can gain an audience with the Arishok. Hawke has not turned back up and it’s been a week. If Arishok has killed her he would at least like to know what to tell the very frantic mother who has already lost two of her children. “Elf who speaks Qun, what do you want?” Arishok is in his usual position on the chair elbows on knees. 

“I am here to inquire about Hawke.” 

“Who are you to her?” Arishok responds and Fenris thinks about that once lovers now barely friends or had he finally pushed her over the edge to enemies? How to explain what he is to the Arishok so he can get the information he needs? 

“Companion, she is my leader.” Fenris says. 

“Which is it elf? Does she lead you or is she your equal?” Arishok asks and Fenris smiles at that, it’s an excellent question and he notes it is never even thought he would lead her. 

“She is my Companion Arishok.” 

“She was injured in service to me, she will remain to recuperate. She will remain here a few weeks.” 

“You can’t hold her against her will.” Fenris regrets it as soon as he lets the words escape. 

“I can do as I like elf, Hawke remains here. Remove him.” Arishok waves his hand and Fenris bows and leaves.

“A few weeks, what does that mean?” Varric shakes his head. 

“Did you actually get to see her?” Aveline asks and Fenris shakes his head no. 

“I’ll tell Leandra, she is not going to be happy about this.” Varric says and all of them nod at that. “How is Daisy doing?” Varric asks Isabella and the pirate shakes her head. 

“They were only wed a couple of weeks, we know he lives but she’s not taking it well.” Isabella says looking at the empty chair Merrill normally occupies. 

“Well let’s hold down the fort and keep an eye on the compound. If the Arishok wants to keep Hawke and he can actually do it then we don’t stand a chance at intervening.” Aveline gets up to leave.

“Follow.” Hawke does, taking three steps to Arishok's one. “Here is where you will sleep.” It’s his tent, she can tell that instantly by the furnishings. Healer has kicked her out of the infirmary, her questions and fidgeting interfering with his tasks. 

“Arishok honors me.” Hawke says quietly. 

“You almost gave your life for mine, you were also incorrectly punished. Rest, someone will fetch you to eat.” Arishok leaves and Hawke lets the breath she is holding go. 

Hawke has never been one to deal with forced stillness and with the hole in her shoulder she is not allowed to do many things. She did as the Arishok request and rests, finding a couple of books to entertain her but then she is bored. Finally someone comes and tells her to follow. It is one of the few words she knows in Qunari having had it drilled into her during the ill-fated mission by the Arvaarad. He leads her to a long tent that works as the mess hall. “What is your title?” Hawke asks before they enter the tent. 

“Sten.” Sten leads her to the line and gets two plates, he doesn’t hand it to her knowing she can’t hold it one handed. Dinner is bred, cooked meat and a variety of vegetables, which are piled high on one of the plates and a smaller portion, is on the other. Hawke follows the Sten to a raised dais and puts her plate on the table and leaves. Eating is being done all around her as the men just pick up the food with their fingers and devour it. She nibbles on the bread and finally gets a couple of pieces of the meat to her mouth and her stomach is done. 

“Not to your liking?” Arishok asks and she wonders how something so huge can make no sound moving. 

“I am full.” Hawke says and the Arishok grunts at that. Hawke gets up and leaves; no one stops her and wanders around the camp. Walking over to the sparring rings they are empty and Hawke takes a moment to get familiar with them and the variety of weapons available to her. She smiles when she sees a set of throwing knives and a target set up.

Hawke is oblivious to anything but the calming thunk of the knives hitting the target until a Shadow looms over her. Hawke knows it’s the Arishok, can see the details of the horns in the shadow. “I find this relaxing and I am not aggravating my injury,” Hawke reasons walking to get the knives and returning to the line to go again. 

“Did Healer clear you for this?” He asks and Hawke misses the target completely with the throw. “I thought not, your companion was here earlier.” Hawke throws another dagger and hits the mark. 

“Which one?” Hawke asks curious. 

“Elf.” Hawke misses with all three of the daggers she is throwing. 

“Is he more than your companion?” Arishok needs this answer and would never care otherwise. 

“He was he found me unworthy.” Hawke admits spinning a dagger on her left hand. 

“I would disagree, he is not worthy of you by human standards.” 

“Explain please?” Hawke is curious why this is important. 

“He is an elf, you are a noble.” Hawke is curious how he got that information decides to not ask. 

“He is a great warrior, though we have never figured out who is better. I am a warrior before my bloodline; there are no nobles in this city that can offer me a worthy mate.” Hawke punctuates this sentence by throwing multiple daggers and hitting the mark with each one. 

“You would only accept one that can fight with you?” 

“You would accept no less Arishok, why would you think I would? I am no housewife to stay home and mind babies, I have a city to change, and I have a city to rule.” Hawke turns to him is twirling one of the daggers in her fingers or trying. 

“You would rule Kirkwall?” 

“Yes, and I would get you and your people out of here by any means necessary.” Hawke is looking up at him now dagger in hand. 

“I could conquer this city in a fortnight.” Arishok's answer is honest and Hawke knows it. 

“Maybe, I am still trying to figure out why you can’t leave. What holds you here? Why Kirkwall?” 

“I am denied Par-Vollen, The Qun demands I stay and so I do. Why are you here? Your blight is over, go home.” 

“Why go home and be a peasant when you can be a ruler?” Hawke counters and the Arishok nods, 

“You are worthy Hawke I will make it so. Come rest.” Hawke puts the knives back and follows the Arishok to his tent. Once inside Arishok takes off his armor and puts it on the stand. Grabbing a book from the shelf he reclines on a group of cushions. Hawk finds a likely spot on the rug and sits and crosses her legs and goes through the mental exercise of relaxing. “You meditate?” Arishok asks and Hawke pops an eye open to look at him. 

“Yes, I need to. It gives me a moment to plan how to deal with things. You do not approve?” 

“I do but we do not meditate here, come I will show you.” He is up and out of the tent in a moment and Hawke follows as well. They head towards where he receives visitors and when they get to the dais they walk into a door And Hawke notices there are several mats, some occupied and some not. “You have access to this as you need it.” Arishok offers and Hawke nods and sits down. When she goes back to the tent a couple hours later he is still reading though closes the book when she enters. “Sleep.” Hawke had been perfectly ready for that task but the moment he tells her to she doesn’t want to. “I have irritated you.” Arishok notices and Hawke nods. 

“The moment you say you want me to do something I don’t want to, I am unsure why. It is childish.” 

“Shall we do an obedience exercise?” Arishok is regarding her with interest and Hawke finds his gaze disquieting. 

“no.” Hawke says and the Arishok waits for more, it’s an interesting role reversal. 

“Explain.” He finally asks and Hawke thinks long and hard about her response. 

“Would you do the same?” Hawke finally answers. 

“no.” Hawke sits down on her bedroll which is next to his on the sleeping platform. 

“What is wrong?” Arishok asks when she is not laying down. 

“I am unsure if this sleeping arrangement will work.” Hawke finally admits. 

“You do not sleep with others.” Arishok finds this interesting, 

“No.” Hawke shakes her head in emphasis doesn't tell Arishok the couple of time she has slept with others it was because she was injured or a one night stand. 

“Why?” Arishok asks wondering if she will tell him the reason for the bubbling scents he is getting from her. 

“Trust.” Hawke finally admits.


	32. Secrets Revealed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “If that is the case why do you not have them?” Arishok

“I have said I will not harm you, I will not.” Arishok informs and Hawke lies down and puts her back to him. Long after he lays down and sleeps she is still awake and sits arms on knees working a coin through her knuckles in a dexterity exercise. She is awake when he wakes up. “You did not sleep.” 

“I got enough sleep, I am fine.” Hawke dismisses and gets up and gets dressed. Men come in and put food on the table and Hawke stays where she is. 

“Eat.” Arishok orders and Hawke forces herself to eat despite not being hungry. “Learn today. See the Healer, you may watch the spars but cannot participate until Healer clears you.” Hawke nods and leaves. 

“Can I throw daggers with my left hand?” Hawke asks the Healer when she sits on the bed waiting for him to examine her. 

“Yes so long as it does not aggravate your right shoulder you can do it. You’re wound is healing quickly, quicker than it should.” Healer frowns. 

“Explain.” Arishok comes into the tent. Peeling the bandage completely away Healer points to it. “How is this possible?” When neither Healer nor Hawke offer an explanation, Arishok glares at them both. “Hawke.” 

“Have you ever heard of a Reaper?” Hawke asks and the Healer’s head snaps back to look at her. 

“You are not Saarebas.” Healer is curious and Hawke shakes her head no. 

“You are a Reaper?” Arishok asks and Hawke nods. “Explain the heal part.” Arishok says. 

“If I bathe in my blood I heal if I have souls to bargain for it.” 

“Do you?” Healer asks 

Hawke shakes her head no, “This is done with the Karasaad's soul.” She indicates the partial healing. 

“How many?” Healer asks and Hawke feels the wound, calculates in her head. 

“20, if I am lucky. I would be useless for days afterwards though. I do not give this information lightly.” Hawke is looking at the Arishok and he nods. 

“What If I did not keep you here?” Arishok asks. 

“I would have already harvested enough to heal; I would be onto other tasks that require my attention.” 

“Earn your blades and you may leave.” 

“I would challenge whoever will fight me.” Hawke is smiling. 

“I will not sacrifice my men to you Hawke, earn it.” 

“Let me out of the compound for the night, I will earn my blades back.” Hawke challenges and the Arishok thinks about this. 

“You would leave the compound without your weapons? Beat one of my men unarmed and I will let you out for an hour.” 

“Let’s do this then.” Hawke is off the table when the Healer grabs her arm attached to the shoulder that is damaged and pulls her back. Instinct has Hawke going with the pull and trying to smash her fist into whoever has her. Her fist is caught by the Healer and her good arm twisted behind her. Hawke twists out of the Healer’s grip and uses the table as a focal point to land a kick on him. He still has her arm though and is caught against his chest her shoulder now dislocated. 

“Enough.” Healer growls and Hawke keeps struggling. When Hawke feels teeth on her neck she stops. Arishok is passive through the whole thing. “You will stop this now. You are not cleared to fight yet, will not be until I say so. You have injured yourself more and gained nothing. Parshaara she is not worthy.” 

“She will be.” Arishok leaves. 

“Let me help you.” Healer offers and Hawke nods. He puts her shoulder back in and cleans and re-bandages the wound. As he bandages the wound he tests her knowledge of language. “You are a quick study.” Healer admits when he is done and Hawke smiles. 

“When you want to blend in you have to be.” She answers back in elven and he tilts his head to look at her. 

“Can you do accents?” He answers in common with an orlesian tilt and Hake nods, 

“I can sound as Kirkwall or Ferelden or Orlesian or Antivan as I like.” 

“Do the souls teach you?” Hawke nods. 

“To get them where they need to go I have to communicate with them so I learn their languages and speech patterns. Does the Arishok spar?” 

“He does, he watches the armed bouts in the afternoon.” Hawke nods and leaves heading to the sparring ring.

It’s still morning so it’s the unarmed bouts and the familiar thunk of flesh on flesh is enough to lull Hawke into sleeping. “Unarmed combat bores you?” Hawke is up and she is glaring at the Arishok who has joined her on the platform. 

“No.” Hawke answers. Armed combat has finally started and Hawke watches with interest. These men are huge, their bodies a study in enforced discipline and rigorous training. There are a few dual wielders but the blades they carry are normally two-hander weapons for humans. Hawke makes no comments and does not try to speak to the Arishok as she watches the bouts. When they are done Hawke follows one of the combatants to a tent and finds herself in the armor smith’s tent. She waits on the edges listening to the Qunari and watching what the smith hands the men when they ask for it. 

“What do you want?” Sten asks and Hawke looks up. 

“My blades, I can’t figure out how to ask for them.” 

“You have not earned them.” 

“They still need to be cared for along with my armor.” Hawke barks fiercely and Sten nods. 

“You will need permission.” Sten informs and Hawke shakes her head no. 

“Those are my blades and my armor; I will not ask permission to care for what is mine.” 

“You will if you want to see them again.” Hawke spins around. 

“Where is he?” 

“Work tent.” Sten points but does not accompany her. Hawke stomps into the tent angrier than she has been in months, years. 

“You will give me my blades and my armor now. I must care for them” She says without preamble which earns her nothing. “Arishok.” He doesn’t even look up. Hawke sees a dagger on the desk and she has no idea what possesses her to take the blade and plunge it into the paper he is reading pinning it to the desk. 

“You need to earn them.” He says without looking up. 

“They belong to me. I will not earn back that which already is mine. You did not win them from me, you did not take them in combat, and you did not conquer me so I will not earn them back.” 

“If that is the case why do you not have them?” Arishok levels her with a gaze and Hawke thinks to reply and doesn’t. Instead she leaves and goes to the meditation place. She needs to plan this; she needs to get her armor and weapons back. Basic break and enter if she can figure out where they might be. Eventually she dismisses the idea, she wants to learn about these people, this culture.


	33. Compromise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “The same way you cannot will the sky into being anything other than it is. I do not trust you; I do not trust or feel safe where I am. Would you be able to sleep if you thought you were not safe?” Hawke

After another sleepless night Hawke is up before the Arishok even rolls over. She is watching the early morning bouts of the converts and the young. “All weapons and armor are kept in the smith’s tent correct?” Hawke asks Sten when she sees him and he nods. Hawke goes to the bathing tent and rinses and then soaks. 

“You did not sleep.” Arishok says when he gets in the tub. 

“I did not require it.” Hawke gets up to leave. 

“Sit.” Hawke looks at him and sits. 

“How are the language skills going?” Hawke answers slow in Qunari. 

“Healer tells me you speak elven.” 

“I do, I also speak Orleasian and Antivan.” 

“Why then do you not speak Qunari?” Arishok asks curious about her skills.

“I have not Reaped that many of your people. Even in violent deaths they feel they deserve to die so their souls do not call for me. They are at peace. Saarebas are the exception; those souls pack a helluva wallop and are universally angry. Least the two I have Reaped were.” 

“You need to sleep. Liquor helps.” 

“No, I do not drink to oblivion; I must be in control at all times Arishok. I will sleep when it is needed, unless you allow me to sleep elsewhere the current schedule will maintain.” Hawke shrugs as she says this.

“If you do not sleep you do not heal if you do not heal you cannot leave, I am not understanding your inability to grasp this.” Arishok's face does not show the confusion his voice does. 

“The same way you cannot will the sky into being anything other than it is. I do not trust you; I do not trust or feel safe where I am. Would you be able to sleep if you thought you were not safe?” Hawke doesn’t wait for Arishok’s reply merely leaves the tub and gets dressed and goes to the healer’s tent. 

“Do you have dream root, deep mushrooms and felinius?” Hawke looks at the herbs as she asks for them. 

“Yes why.” Healer tilts his head at her, curious why she would need them.

“I am not sleeping, Arishok wants me to sleep I want to make something to allow that.” Hawke answers her fingers twirling and she misses her daggers again. 

“How knowledgeable are you about potions and poisons?” Healer asks and Hawke debates answering. 

“I know enough.” Hawke is lying, her skill at both rivals most masters and Healer smells the lie but humors her anyways. 

“Dream root is addictive, that mixture would incapacitate you for hours.” Healer says shaking his head. 

“It is better than not sleeping or dragging my bedroll somewhere else to sleep.” Hawke is stubborn. 

“You are trying to please him.” Healer acknowledges and Hawke nods. 

“He is king here and if he wants me to sleep and earn my blades than I will try to please him.” Hawke truly wants to please Arishok and this has been his only request. 

“He is Arishok, not king” Healer corrects and Hawke frowns. 

“He rules this compound, outside these walls they call him Heathen, and they call him worse much worse.” Hawke doesn't admit how much what they call him hurts her now especially now that she has spent time with them. 

“They can call him whatever they want they will still bow to him if he wants them to.” Healer says and Hawke laughs. 

“They bow to me too, sheep bowing is not ruling. Making those sheep more, making them work as a unit to make their surroundings better that is ruling.” Hawke mixes the ingredients she needs in the bowl one handed and utterly failing at it. 

“You are closer to the Qun than you realize.” Healer admits shaking his head. 

“I am also failing at this, care to help me please?” Hawke asks as the bowl teeters on the edge and Healer catches it and takes it away from her and finishes mixing it for her. 

“I do not recommend this mixture Hawke. I do not think this is a good idea.” Hawke silently curses as Arishok comes in. 

“What mixture?” Arishok looks at the bowl Healer holds. 

“Bleeding Dream, she wants it so she can sleep.” Healer indicates the bowl in his hand. 

“You do not trust me but you would incapacitate yourself to obey me. Explain.” Arishok is angry and even Hawke realizes it. 

“You said you wouldn't hurt me, still I cannot sleep this will show you I trust you and I will get sleep. I am not seeing why you are upset at this.” Hawke has reached up and started to rub where his horns come out of his head. Arishok bows his head a little so she can reach where she wants to and continues to gently stroke it enough to have his ears relax. When they do she stops and both of them look a little bewildered at the contact. 

“You were the cause of the anger and you soothed me. You are confusing Hawke. How did you know to do that?” Arishok crosses his arms but doesn't step away from her.

“Healer does it with his patients when he wants them to calm down.” Hawke answers calmly. 

“You learn quickly.” Healer is shaking his head. 

“You will not use this mixture, you will sleep.” Arishok leaves. Hawke protests when Healer dumps the bowl out and when she would rage at him he points to the door. 

“Leave.” Hawke does and goes to the Arishok's tent. He is there already out of his armor and reading a book. Hawke snags a book and works on reading it and trying to ready herself for bed. Finally her mind is quiet enough and she lays down putting her back to the Arishok. When he settles down to sleep she is still trying to. When she is sure he is sleeping she sits up and moves stealthily away or would except a hand has circled her wrist and pulls her back down with a yank. Her shoulder protests the landing and her mouth does too with a hiss. 

“Sleep.” Arishok commands and Hawke is still struggling and he pulls her against him not giving her an inch to work with. 

“We both know the moment you release me I will leave. You cannot force this of me Arishok, either let me sleep elsewhere or let me take the mixture.” Hawke continues to fight not willing to give up. 

“Either bend or I will break you.” Arishok answers in the silence. 

“Same Arishok, same,” Hawke says and he lets her go. She takes the freedom offered and leaves pulling on her boots and stopping long enough to grab her blanket. 

“Mixture Hawke, do not sleep elsewhere. I cannot guarantee your safety anywhere else in this compound.” Hawke stops at that positive he did not just admit he does not have absolute rule here. Hawke drops the blanket instead and goes to the Healer tent. When she gets there Healer hands her the mixture. 

“You knew.” Hawke is amazed.

“Bend or break Hawke bend or break.” Healer hands her a cup of water. “I will administer this to you when needed at night. Do not think to make this on your own, do not think to give this to the Arishok I will kill you myself.” He watches her take the mixture and grimace at the bitter taste. Hawke gets back to the tent as the effects hit her. Arishok grabs her and pulls her boots off and settles her on the bed next to him. 

“No.” Hawke slurs and Arishok reminds her, 

“Bend Hawke just bend.” Hawke is grabbed into oblivion and remembers why she hates this mix. Her dreams are horrible and vivid. When she wakes up it’s to an empty bed though scratching on parchment tells her Arishok is still in the tent. “Eat.” Arishok greets and Hawke tries to get up and fails. Drawing on years of balance she gets her body under control and makes it to the table. Rolls stuffed with meat are greeting her and she eats one and waves off the rest. “You will train with the men.” Hawke frowns at that. “They run every morning, you will report to Arvaarad in an hour. You will do exactly what he says how he says it when he says it.” 

“Yes Arishok.” Hawke leaves.

Arvaarad looks at Hawke and shakes his head. “Make yourself worth my time Hawke.” 

“Yes Arvaarad.” So she does the push-ups they do, she does the entire routine they do and when she is returned to the Healer's tent because she has ripped out most of her stitches he is furious. 

“Why would you do the push-ups? Why would you train with the men?” 

“I ordered her to.” Arishok admits and Hawke hisses as the needle bites into her skin. Arishok rubs her hairline and she ducks away. 

“I do not need your comfort Arishok. I am not angry just in pain besides that is not how you comfort humans.” 

“How then?” Arishok is confused and Hawke grabs his hand and puts her fingers through his and gently squeezes. 

“This is how; you hold their hand if you are on those terms, more and you would hug and rub their back. Please don't do that with me though I don't like to be touched.” 

“Why?” Healer asks now trying to distract her from his work. 

“I feel what they feel, like now I can tell the Arishok is distracted, angry and worried. You are concentrating though a bit distracted since I am speaking to you.” Hawke releases Arishok's hand and bites her lip as Healer finishes his work. 

“Can I continue with the men?” Hawke asks and Arishok glances at Healer. “He is hesitant, waiting for your judgment before he decides to feel. Oh that struck a nerve.” Hawke takes her hand off Healer and smiles slyly. 

“Yes. Though you will work within your bounds and I will tell the Arvaarad that.” Arishok leaves and Healer looks at Hawke, 

“You are dangerous.” Healer admits shaking his head. 

“Just now figuring that out are you?” Hawke maneuvers her shoulder to test the stretch and leaves.


	34. Sleep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You are Imekaraa Hawke, child. You are acting like one and you know it.” Arishok growls and Hawke shuts her mouth on any other protests.

“Follow.” Sten orders and Hawke does stopping with him at the smith's tent. “Part of training is taking care of the weapons. You will do this.” Sten hands her a sword and points to the rest of the men who are working whetstone and oil into the blades. Hawke sits and looks at Sten. 

“I cannot sharpen this.” 

“That will already be done, you will polish only. You are not worthy of the whetstone yet.” Sten says the Qunari word for whetstone and polish both of which Hawke tries over and over until he nods in satisfaction. Hawke spends a few hours polishing whatever sword they give her until her muscles are sore and protesting. 

“Spar.” Hawke follows the unit over to the rings and watches them spar. 

“Patterns.” Arvaarad says and Hawke tries the new word out and then he hands her a short sword and shows her the pattern he is talking about. Hawke nods and goes through the pattern as he critiques her and the rest of footwork and the way they hold their blades. 

“Hawke you are bleeding again.” Sten notices and Hawke checks the bandage. 

“Seepage, not injury I will continue.” Hawke shrugs and continues the pattern. Sten takes the blade shakes his head. 

“Done.” 

“Not Done.” Hawke says in Qunari and shows her teeth for emphasis. 

“Done.” Sten demands and Hawke is certainly possessed by some demon as she tries to get the blade from him. She manages to get her hands around the blade and hisses as it cuts into her fingers and releases it. “Done.” Sten repeats and hauls her over to the Healer tent. “He told you to obey.” 

“Arvaarad not Sten.” Hawke growls and Sten shakes his head. 

“Arvaarad follows Sten, following my orders is following his even a child knows that.” 

“I am not a child Sten, I am Hawke.” 

“You are a child to grab for a blade without protection on your hands.” 

“Enough.” Arishok comes in and sees Hawke's hand wrapped up. “You are Imekaraa Hawke, child. You are acting like one and you know it.” Arishok growls and Hawke shuts her mouth on any other protests. “Better.” Arishok admits and barks out a quick command to Sten who replies back just as quickly but bows his head and leaves. “You will continue with them in the morning. A letter has come for you.” Arishok hands it to her and she scans it quickly. 

“Fenris is coming in two days, is requesting that I meet with him face to face. Do you allow this?” Hawke asks and Arishok nods his head. “Do you require me?” 

“Follow.” Hawke does and he leads her to the bath, helps her out of her clothes and rinses her off careful of her shoulder and hand. “What did this?” He traces a matched set of three marks on her leg. 

“Dragon, Bone-pit a year ago or so, wasn't a full sized one but certainly seemed like it at the time,” Hawke gets into the tub and waits for the Arishok. “Care to see my healing in action?” Hawke asks and the Arishok nods as she unwraps the hand and dips the hand directly into the bloody water and pulls out her hand healed and without a scar. 

“What soul did you use for that?” 

“No idea, few came in last night while I was sleeping. I am guessing I will sort them out tonight.” Hawke says and then looks at Arishok. 

“What is wrong?” 

“Sleep, I cannot sleep Bleeding Dream if I need to sort souls. I need to be exhausted. Any chance I can run tonight?” Hawke asks and Arishok nods his head. 

“I will take you.” 

“You honor me.” Hawke says and Arishok shakes his head no. 

“You will trust me; this will build that besides I prefer to run at night.” Hawke nods and they get out and eat. After the sun is down Arishok and Hawke along with another group of men go running along the coast. Hawke has always loved the freedom running gives her and enjoys it. 

“You see well in the dark.” Sten comments as he watches her appreciatively. 

“Darkness is my playground; I am more comfortable in the dark than any other time of day. Dark hides all the secrets and lets the monsters out to play.” Hawke jumps up onto a rock and dances across them as the men run showing off her acrobatics and utterly enjoying herself at play. Hawke jumps off of one of the rocks and smiles as Sten catches her and sets her on her feet beside him and she picks up the pace effortlessly. 

“Again, this time kick out and see if you can land one on Karasaad.” Sten nods towards the man he means and Hawke is off to find the spot. When Sten gets there she does as asked and lands the kick square on the Karasaad's jaw sending the man staggering but not falling as he grabs at her. 

“Shit.” Hawke panics as the man grabs her ankle and sends her flying towards the water. Arishok snags her out of the air before she can land and she lands against him with an oaf. 

“No more of that.” Arishok growls his voice rumbling over her. 

“It was Sten's idea.” 

“I know.” Arishok admits and tosses her through the air at Sten. Hawke is treated like a ball as they toss her to and fro and there are a few grunts as Hawke lands an elbow or a foot in a delicate part until she lands back in Sten's arms. Hawke's face heats as she realizes Sten is aroused by the play. However she is sleepy and rather than ask to be put down she snuggles closer and is surprised by a hum but finds it comforting and falls asleep in his arms. Sten handles her easily in one hand and calls a stop. 

“She sleeps.” Sten comments and Arishok stops fast enough a couple of the Karasaad have to do some serious acrobatics to stop from running into him. Arishok growls when Sten does not immediately offer her up. 

“Interesting, give us a moment.” Healer motions and Arishok goes with him. “Claim her as mate or let her be claimed.” 

“She's not ready.” Arishok frowns and Healer nods. Arishok turns and continues to run not attempting to take Hawke from Sten.


	35. Sten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Where are your blades?” Fenris indicates her empty waist and back. 
> 
> “I have to earn them back.” Hawke glares at the smith who nods at her.

Hawke comes awake on a very hard chest and surrounded by Qunari men and knows exactly where she is. Looking down she knows it's Sten she is using a pillow and his blue eyes are looking at her in speculation. Straddling him she is very aware of where she sits. “Off we have work to do.” Hawke nods and lands on the floor finding her boots she puts them on and starts to leave. “Stay.” Hawke shakes her head no. “That wasn't a request.” Sten states and he gets dressed and she helps him with his armor handing the pieces to him out of habit. “Good.” Sten nods and then she follows him to the mess and he sits her next to him. When she is done eating she goes to leave and he grabs her arm. “Stay.” Hawke sits back down and waits for him to finish. When he is done she follows him to the spar rings and is put through patterns. When that is done she follows Sten to the Healing tent, Arishok is inside. 

Arishok does not say a word to her; he is dismissive and leaves as soon as she is inside. Healer cleans and does her bandage again and then dismisses her. She follows the Sten around with the rest of the unit for the rest of the day and she sits with him to eat that night. After she eats she gets up and he allows it, she takes the time to go to the temple and meditate. When she is done she smiles at the happy protest of her muscles as she goes to the Arishok's tent to sleep. Entering he is on the cushions reading and glances to see her and then goes back to reading. Hawke strips her clothes and sits down on her bedroll pulling one of the books she started and reads. “You are sleeping here?” Arishok asks and Hawke looks at him. 

“Yes, you told me to sleep here I am doing as you asked.” Arishok nods and closes the book settling in to sleep and dousing the lantern. Hawke lays down and tries to sleep she is moving to get comfortable when a hand snags her and pulls her to him. “Peace.” Arishok orders and Hawke smiles. He finally sleeps but she does not, merely lays awake and manages to get up and away before he is aware. Morning is polishing weapons, and armor, then healer then sparing. When Sten sets her against one of the Karasaad to train with she gets a little too aggressive and the Karasaad answers sending her sprawling and opening her wound again. Sten's punishment of the Karasaad is brutal and quick leaving the man with several wounds some of which had been given by Sten's claws. Karasaad goes with her to the Healers. 

“Parshaara! How did this happen?” Healer asks and Hawke indicates the Karasaad on the other bed. Healer looks at the man and shakes his head and starts to repair the stitches that have popped. Done Hawke helps Healer with Karasaad, 

“Hawke honors me.” He salutes her and Healer and leaves.

Hawke is on three days of no sleep when Fenris shows up. When she walks up to Fenris he nods at her following to the smith's tent and indicates for Fenris to hand her his blade. He hands it over without question thinking she means to turn it over to the smith while he is there. Instead she sits down and starts to polish it. “Hawke what are you doing?” 

“It's what I am supposed to be doing right now so have a seat, polish the rest of them and enjoy that I am handling your big blade.” Fenris smiles at that. 

“You seem to be healing well.” 

“I am if I would stop reopening it.” Hawke shifts her shoulder at him. 

“Small steps, though you look a bit tired. How long has it been since you slept?” Fenris asks. 

“Three days, I've gone longer.” 

“Where are your blades?” Fenris indicates her empty waist and back. 

“I have to earn them back.” Hawke glares at the smith who nods at her. “How is everyone?” Hawke asks. 

“Merrill is deeply depressed, Isabella is Isabella, Varric is making coin, Aveline needs help in Lowtown and most of Darktown thinks you are dead.” Fenris finishes as she hands him his blade back. 

“So pretty much the same, good, I will be back when I can.” Fenris nods and gets up to leave.

Hawke joins the night run and does more of her acrobatics as Sten sends her to and fro to attack his men. When she attacks Arishok she lands a combo fist kick that sends him staggering though he recovers and manages to retain his hold on her. “Enough. Sleep.” Arishok demands and she stifles a yawn and rubs her face against his chest but is instantly alert in a moment. 

“Down, undead.” Hawke orders as she bats an arrow out of the air. Arishok puts her down and takes a defensive stand in front of her taking out his axes. Sten scoops her up and places her behind bunch of rocks leaning down he places a finger under her jaw to make sure she is looking at him.

“Stay, do not disobey.” Hawke nods she understands and stays where she is. Wave after wave of undead come at them and the men keep cutting them down. Each undead soul attacks her and she is shaking and crying when it is over. “Hawke. It's safe.” Sten reaches down to help her up. “What is wrong?” Sten asks and Hawke takes deep breaths to find her center. 

“I am fine.” 

“Lie.” Arishok is there grabbing her waist and putting her on one of the rock so he can see her face. “You cry for the undead?” Arishok asks and Hawke shakes her head no. 

“Unclean souls hurt.” Hawke admits and Arishok knows she needs a distraction. 

“We have injured. Help them.” Arishok demands and Hawke is off the rock and weaving between the men putting bandages on them or requesting another to help them. One of the dead is Karasaad that had gotten demolished by Sten earlier. She is swaying on her feet when she is done and Sten scoops her up. 

“Well done.” Hawke nods at the compliment and reaches up to stroke his horn which has him humming as they walk back to the compound. “Sleep.” Sten says and she does.


	36. Bite me Please

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NSFW-Smut Ahead
> 
> “Hawke.” Sten calls and she raises a hand to indicate which tub she is in even as she is trying to hide deeper in the water.

“Tessa.” Hawke looks up and sees Justice and smiles. 

“This is an unruly lot.” Justice indicates the souls in front of her all fighting with each other to the point Hawke can only deal with a few of them at a time. 

“Undead, I hate dealing with them but I don't get to pick.” Justice nods and gathers up a few and they work in silence through the rest of them. 

“You are still injured.” Justice indicates and Hawke nods.

“I can't use these souls to bargain with and I haven't been able to fight to earn my blades back. This is an exercise in patience.” 

“You need it.” Hawke nods and accepts the hug Justice gives her as she walks away.

Waking up on Sten's chest is no surprise. “You know how this works.” Sten states. “You need to come to me you should not be going three days without sleep.” She helps him with his armor. 

“Arishok.” 

“I know.” He tips her chin up and looks at her before smelling her and moving her hair off her neck runs his teeth from jaw to shoulder joint and Hawke can sense his arousal isn't sure how to react to this situation. This is done on both sides one hand on her shoulder to keep her still another on her back to make sure she doesn't go anywhere. When he moves to her uninjured shoulder and that juncture she reaches up and rubs the horn feeling her arousal hit her like a sledgehammer. His teeth go back and forth on the spot even as the hand that holds her injured shoulder traces under breasts and goes lower. Before he reaches her bundle of nerves she ducks her head and steps away. Seeing the look on his face she steps back to him and rubs his horns. 

“I am not free.” She is shaking her head. 

“You bear no scars.” Sten comments and she tilts her head in curiosity. 

“Teeth marks on your neck, Qunari bite during mating, our females have claws and horns just like us. There are scars given to each other.” 

“Humans do not mark each other that way. We have rings.” Hawke wiggles her fingers. 

“You don't have one of those either.” Sten indicates her hands. Hawke laughs at this. 

“He did not think me worthy.” Sten snorts at that grabs his weapons. 

“Then he is a fool. I should kill him and claim you.” 

“You can try.” Hawke follows him out.

Sitting in the Healer tent Hawke is fidgety as she tries to sit still learning about Qunari names for plants. “Explain.” Healer glares at her for the third time. 

“I am not sleeping with Arishok.” 

“I know he hasn't mated you because you aren't worthy.” 

“I am sleeping with Sten.” Healer stops the explaining and Hawke registers what he said about Arishok. “Not what I meant, I meant actual sleeping not sex. Wait is that why I am here? To see if I can become worthy to mate Arishok?” 

“Yes.” Arishok says from the door coming into the tent. 

“Yes you heard your name or yes I am supposed to be your mate.” Hawke is confused, keeps her eyes on Healer.

“Both.” Arishok stops inside the tent and crosses his arms. 

“No. I am honored but not interested. Can I spar yet?” Hawke is missing the growl, missing the sense things are not good until Arishok has her on the table a hand pinning her, his other clenched in a fist. 

“You would choose a lesser.” This is the most pissed off Hawke has ever seen Arishok. 

“I would choose my city Arishok. I will not stay home and raise babies. I fight beside you or against you Arishok, I will accept nothing less.” When she reaches up to soothe him he shakes his head and moves the horns out of the way. 

“Stop, you will not distract me. You do not stay home and raise babies, you have the children not raise them.” 

“She could become a teacher, if she is good enough with her blades and she submits to the Qun.” Healer offers and Hawke twists her head to look at him. “She could also become a healer, she has the skills.” Now Arishok looks at Healer. 

“Leave.” Healer leaves without a word. Arishok looks down at Hawke still pinned. 

“Force me and I will kill you. Warlord or not Arishok do not even try it.” Hawke is wiggling, refusing to be intimidated and utterly failing at getting loose. 

“Most would beg me for this chance and you tell me no.” Arishok is furious. 

“As you demanded of me bend or break Arishok. I will not bend on this, and I dare you try and break me.” Arishok takes a deep sniff; he can smell anger, determination, no fear and no arousal. “Your move Arishok.” Hawke presses. When he suddenly leans down Hawke tucks her legs and pushes him with her feet. It doesn't do what she wants which is dislodge him, it merely has him sit back on his feet a bit but it does get his hand off of her which allows her to slide closer to the edge of the table. Hawke uses the only weapon she can think of which are her nails when he comes close again. Three deep gouges on his cheek followed by a heel to his chin and she is free and crouching on the table. Pain radiates from her shoulder at the abuse and she sees brief flashes of light. “Dammit, you win this round catch me please.” Hawke whispers as she passes out. 

“Healer.” Arishok makes his voice carry as he catches Hawke and lays her on the bed. Healer walks in, sees his face and the smear of blood on the table and shakes his head. “Tell me.” Arishok is crossing his arms. 

“She trusts Sten.” As if summoned by his name Sten ducks into the tent and stops when he sees Hawke on the bed, Arishok with damage and Healer. 

“Arishok, Healer.” Sten greets. 

“She will rest today, might be up for running this afternoon.” Healer indicates the bed. 

“We have drills this afternoon, she will join.” Sten says and Healer nods. 

“Sten. Give me a moment and I will report to the ring.” Hawke is trying to sit up and Sten immediately goes to her reaches down and traces a claw on her face as she turns her face to the palm. 

“Rest, you are still bleeding. Let Healer patch you up and you can do drills with us this afternoon.” 

“Stop growling at me.” Hawke grouches and reaches up to sooth him; he automatically bends to allow it. 

“I growl because again you are injured more and again breaking the plan. Arishok wants you to work with my men you cannot do that constantly bleeding.” Hawke scrunches up her face for a moment. 

“Your will is the Arishok’s?” 

“Our will is the Arishok’s, His will is the Qun’s, and his commands are the Qun’s.” 

“Qun is person?” Hawke is trying to grasp it and is missing it entirely. 

“Healer will explain I have dallied long enough.” Sten has no idea what possess him to run his teeth over the spot that had Hawke aroused before but he does and pulls away ducking his head as he leaves. Hawke gasps as her body reacts to the stimulation and locks eyes with the Arishok. He leaves without a word anger rolling off him in waves. 

“You play a dangerous game Hawke.” Healer patches her up. 

“Test something for me?” Hawke asks and Healer gives her a level look. “Please.” 

“You will go to the baths after this; I will not be a pawn in this tug of war.” Hawke nods and Healer spins her pulling her back against him and leans down. When his hand gently moves her hair off her neck Hawke shivers and the shiver continues as Healer runs his teeth gently up and down her neck. 

“Nothing. Dammit.” Hawke is out of his arms and out of the tent in a moment as Healer chuckles and shakes his head. Hawke is practically running to the baths, her mind and therefore her body playing hell with her as she thinks of her reaction with Sten and those thoughts lead to more and by the time she gets to the baths she is a bundled mess of nerves in need of release. When she is rinsing off it does not help the men watch her though self-preservation has the two in her tub leaving when she steps in. Hawke’s nerves go into overdrive when she hears Sten and his men enter the baths. Each tub is a massively tall thing made of wood it's contents kept warm by the fires under it. Each tub has steps leading up to it ending in a platform that allows occupants to step down into it with a shelf around the bottom to sit. Standing Hawke cannot see over the lip of the tub its water normally up to her breasts while standing on the bottom. 

“Hawke.” Sten calls as he can see her clothes and she raises a hand to indicate which tub she is in even as she is trying to hide deeper in the water. Sten gets into the tub and sits across from her. When he moves closer Hawke’s nipples are so sensitized she hisses and he tilts his head. “All that for me I am flattered.” It almost in a whisper though his voice is like velvet over her skin inflaming her more. He is stalking her in the tub and Hawke has always loved danger, reacts instantly. 

“I can’t, this, no.” Sten bares his teeth at her and hums, it sets the water to vibrating and Hawke is moaning. 

“Come for me Hawke, I will not claim you.” He grabs her pulls her on his lap, his erection is evident and he slides her between his body and it allowing it to rub that bundles of nerves. They both need the release and he is more than willing to give it. She is facing away from him as he grabs the lip of the tub he is kneeling behind her pressing her breasts against the wood of the tub. One hand pulls her hair from her neck and runs his teeth making her arch against him as he starts moving. Her hands are braced to keep from being pushed too far into it. He is rocking back and forth with his hips every thrust on that bundle of nerves. Taking her right hand and guides it down to him. Hawke moves both hands and he adjusts his hand to hold her by her neck. It is a slow ride and she loves every minute of it as teeth run up and down her neck and traces a claw up and down her chest enjoying the little gasps she makes and the answering moans to his hums. She has no idea what possesses her to grab his hand that holds her and pull it to her mouth running teeth along the palm until she bites as she comes. Hawke hears the answering growl though Sten clenches his teeth as Hawke keeps his hand between her teeth and keeps stroking as he joins her in release. “Parshaara Hawke, don’t bite unless you want to claim. Thankfully you didn’t break the skin.” 

“I am not normally a biter, no idea what made me do that. I apologize though thank you, we have drills this afternoon right?”Hawke is breathless and satisfied takes a moment to relax against Sten. 

“Yes and you will stay close to me during that time, it will explain why you smell like me. Come see me when you can’t sleep.” Hawke nods and gets out of the tub. Clothes on she greets his men and joins them at lunch. Arishok watches her with them and it takes him a minute to realize she is speaking Qunari, only Qunari to the men.


	37. Business as Usual

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Come home Hawke, shit isn’t going to stay simmering for much longer.” Hawke nods and looks at the crate.

Sten hands Hawke two short swords for drills. “When it becomes too heavy drop it.” Sten orders and she stands beside him as the men get put through the maneuvers and smiles when she is paired off with him. He comes at her with his blades and she sidesteps and grazes him on the stomach with one of the blades. “Fine maneuver but you’re under his blade now.” Sten points to the man holding his blade at her throat and Hawke curses. “We are devastating because we fight as a unit, one. One body, one mind, one heart that is Qun.” His men echo it and Hawke nods. “You and your companions do not do this, each of you fight your own, ” Sten bares his teeth as Hawke uses one of his men as a spring board to try and land a kick on him and catches her and sets her back down. “Nice try battle and therefore are easy to defeat.” 

“Spear throwing.” Sten answers when they head to another ring with targets set at different intervals. Hawke inspects the spears and puts her hands on her hips trying to figure out how to wield one. 

“It does not get thrown unless you touch it. They are not as heavy as you think.” Arvaarad says and hands her a spear. Hawke tests it and shakes her head.

“No.” Arvaarad takes the spear back. As she turns she sees Arishok and he signals her over with a move of his head. Sten sees it and nods when she stops in front of him first. 

“Dwarf here with messages.” Hawke nods and follows him. 

“Hawke.” Varric says and Hawke is off like a shot into Varric’s arms. 

“Just go with this please, don’t fight me.” When Varric nods she puts her forehead against his using her hair as a curtain. 

“I need souls to heal; I cannot stay her much longer.” 

“Fine, we’ll clean up Lowtown will that be close enough?” Varric says and Hawke nods. 

“Come home Hawke, shit isn’t going to stay simmering for much longer.” Hawke nods and looks at the crate. 

“Are these marriage contracts?” Varric nods. 

“I went through most of them and made notes. Your mother wants you settled by Soulmas.” Hawke shakes her head. 

“Merrill?” 

“Not dealing well.” Varric says and Hawke nods. 

“Happy hunting Varric.” 

“Shadows keep you Hawke.” Hawke looks at the crate and tries to lift it. 

“No.” Arishok says and Hawke turns to look at him standing a few feet away. 

“I have to look at these, where can I work on them?” 

“Work tent, use small table.” Arishok orders and one of the Karasaad picks it up and follows her to the tent. Seeing the table she has the Karasaad put the crate on the floor as she works to shelf the books on the desk. Hawke pulls the contracts out and sorts them. “What is this, I said use the table.” Arishok is towering over her and Hawke nods. 

“I will, almost done Arishok.” Re-stacking them she grabs the first few and starts reading through them. 

“Explain.” 

“These are marriage contracts.” Hawke continues to read. 

“Your Viscount wants you settled?” 

“My mother does. My brother is a Grey Warden, my sister is dead. I have to continue my line and name.” Hawke is frowning at the contract in her hands. 

“That is not common.” Arishok notices and Hawke shakes her head no. 

“This is Antivan; it’s why I wanted to get through them first. Varric can only work the ones written in common.” 

“What is Varric?” 

“Merchant, damn smart man is a good one to know and do business with.” Arishok sits down at his desk and they work in silence for several hours. When he gets up to leave Hawke is still pouring over contracts. 

“Follow.” Hawke stands and follows him to the mess hall. Karasaad gets their plates and sets them in front of them when they get to the Dais. Hawke sits and forces herself to eat knowing she does not want to offend Arishok right now. After eating Hawke leaves and goes to the meditation tent. When a blue soul finds its way to her Hawke leaves and heads towards the gates. 

“Hawke.” Arvaarad acknowledges and Hawke turns to him. 

“Arvaarad” 

“You will not get past the gates.” 

“I will not leave without my blades, I have told the Arishok I will earn my blades and I will.” 

“You are nameless without your blades?” Arvaarad asks and Hawke nods. This Arvaarad has three swirls on his chest; he is one she has dealt with a lot. 

“My swords were made for me, their handles are dragon bone. Most of my blades have bone handles; I find it comforting to handle the bones of those I defeated.” When she is finished saying this she is standing close enough she has to tilt her head to look up at him. 

“I do not see my death in your eyes Hawke.” 

“You are my commander Arvaarad, you should not see your death in my eyes, I should not see mine in yours either.” 

“We have much to do in the morning Hawke.” She nods and walks to the Arishok tent. 

“Tell me of your companions.” Arishok requests when Hawke sits down on her bedroll. 

“Theirs is not my story to tell.” Hawke shakes her head no. 

“Explain why you hugged Varric but did not touch Fenris.” 

“I am not worthy to touch Fenris Arishok, I have told you that.” 

“He has interesting markings. You are speaking Qunari well for the short time you have been here.” Arishok places the book on his chest and studies her, so it is the elf who has failed her. 

“Your men teach well.” Hawke is stretching tries to get more range on her shoulder. 

“They hunt Tal-Vashoth tomorrow, you will stay here.” 

“I should be with them.” Hawke frowns at the Arishok. 

“Soon.” Arishok says and Hawke nods and lays down. When she is tossing and turning again she is grabbed and fitted against the Arishok’s chest. 

“hum.” Hawke demands and Arishok lifts his head and looks at her as if she has lost her mind. “Please.” 

“You are not my mate.” Hawke sits up and goes to leave and he lets her return to her bedroll. His mind is trying to work out that entire scene not liking where it lands him.


	38. Submit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Keep your hands off me.” It is said with such venom, such hatred Arishok growls and grabs her again.

Morning finds her in the work tent plowing through the contracts, writing reasons why she is denying their proposal. She is half way done when a Karasaad comes in to tell the Arishok the hunters are back and there are injuries. Hawke is out of the tent and seeing most of the roadways blocked with men uses a stack of crates to take to the tent poles. She is there before the Arishok is standing at Healer’s elbow. 

“Assess and treat the minor ones.” Hawke nods and grabs the basket he hands her and starts weaving through the men grouping them into three groups and ordering the Karasaad to help her when needed. 

“Hold here, pour this on the wound then wrap.” She is methodical and efficient as she works through her group and then returns to Healer. Karasaad in front of her has taken a spear to the gut. “Ah, these suck, least your arms are okay though.” Karasaad smiles at Hawke's assessment as she hands Healer what he needs to soothes the patient as necessary. Only three end up in the healers’ tent and Hawke is bone tired when they are done and the sun has set. 

“Hawke.” It’s the way he says her name that has heat pooling low and her instantly going to the voice. 

“Sten.” She walks up to him traces the bite mark on his hand with her finger. He pulls her behind one of the tents tracing her neck with his teeth even as she is using her other hand to sooth him as he growls. 

“I should have been with you.” Hawke is leaning back against him still tracing his horn and his hand as his free hand splays over her stomach keeping her there. 

“Yes.” 

“Tub?” Hawke asks and she feels him growl again. 

“No. Battle lust would not be good for either of us. I would claim you now but I said I would not.” 

“Can you?” Hawke asks and Sten shakes his head no. 

“You are not Qunari, I mean of the Qun. There are human Qunari. You would have to submit to the Qun, you would have to prove yourself worthy; they would assign you one accordingly. Since you are who you are the males would bid and fight. Female Qunari do not fight, they are healers, teachers, priests.” 

“I will not put down my blades, not for any man.” Sten rumbles in his chest and then hums to sooth her which has her rubbing on him. 

“You would teach the Karasaad you would fight beside me.” Hawke smiles, finally a warrior who offers her his blade beside hers, a warrior worthy of her attention. 

“How do I submit myself to the Qun?” Hawke asks rubbing a hand up and down his erection causing more growling. 

“You would need to submit to Arishok, he would assign someone to bring you to the Qun probably Healer since he is considered a teacher.” As he speaks he has moved his hand down to play with her little nub and Hawke is trying to concentrate on his words. “Come for me Hawke.” Is punctuated with a rub of teeth on her shoulder and she is shattering and trying to not scream. When she is able to control her legs again Sten keeps her close. “Baths, now and then Healer, he will need your help with the three patients.” Sten is leading her to the baths and leaves her there to undress and soak. Hawke unwraps the bandage and slides into the water to let it soak. Hawke grits her teeth at the sting of hot water. 

“It looks good.” Hawke yelps in surprise as Arishok moves his head forward into the light so she can see him. 

“I wish to learn more of the Qun.” Hawke gasps as an arm snakes out to pull her to him. 

“Your wound, it’s healing.” 

“I had souls to bargain with.” Hawke is feeling the skin knit and trying to breathe through the pain. “Distract me.” Hawke finally begs as the wound continues to burn and sting. 

“Why?” 

“Because I am worthy, I want to fight beside you. I want to rule and I am curious.” As Hawke says curious she passes out and sinks below the water. Hawke comes to feeling like she is being pummeled. 

“I surrender, stop!” 

“Now you surrender interesting.” Arishok says and Hawke looks up to see him kneeling over her. “You are not completely healed but closer.” Arishok indicates her shoulder. Front is sealed with what seems like a burn scar while the back as she traces it with her fingers is still sporting a hole. 

“I have had enough of this.” Hawke is getting up and yanking her clothing on and turning to Arishok. “Follow.” The look he gives her is enough to make her pause. “I want it burned, you do it, Healer does or I do.” 

“No.” Hawke glares at the man before stomping over to his clothing and pulling one of the daggers on his belt and walks out to the smith tent. When he grabs at her arm it’s a flash of steel and she’s cut him across the chest. 

“Keep your hands off me.” It is said with such venom, such hatred Arishok growls and grabs her again. Hawke twists away blocking his next grab and lands a punch on his shoulder while her blade kisses his ribs. It is pitch black where they are at and Hawke uses the shadows to help her. 

“Hawke enough.” Arishok growls and Hawke laughs. 

“Never, there is never enough Arishok, never enough blood and never enough death. I will heal myself and I will earn my blades. I will submit to the Qun. Course I could just kill you and be done with this whole thing.” Hawke’s blade draws against his other rib and she is gone only to come at him again. 

“You are not the only one with skills Hawke.” He catches her by the throat on her next pass and takes the knife from her. He throws her over his shoulder and bounces her when she protests. When he gets to the smith tent there is a bit of a stir. Arishok is naked with a fully clothed Hawke over his shoulder. 

“Arishok.” Echoes through the tent as he hauls her over to the forges and pins her against one of the anvils. 

“Clean it and heat it.” He hands the knife to the smith. Hawke is hugging the anvil basically as the Arishok keeps one hand on her to keep her there his foot to keep her kneeling. 

“Arishok.” Healer gets to the tent and coming towards them having been alerted by a Karasaad about Arishok. 

“She wishes this.” Arishok is furious at this display. 

“Do it or I will.” Hawke is not backing down.

“Hawke, you will never have the full range of motion again, it will hinder you.” Healer is calm in his assessment. 

“How much longer until I can earn my blades?” Hawke cannot be hindered in any way. 

“A week until you can spar, your agreement still stands.” Healer says. 

“Fine.” Hawke concedes and the smith takes the blade out of the fire and waits for it to cool down. Arishok pulls her up and throws her back over his shoulder walking back over to the tubs to get dressed. She is tossed onto the ground at his feet and he rests a foot on her as he dresses. When he is done she is picked back up and lands on the bed when they get to the healing tent. Healer scowls at the treatment but doesn’t intervene. Arishok keeps a hand on her ankle as Healer cleans and puts salve on the slices to him. Arishok is growling low in his throat at the sting of antiseptics but is finished shortly and is still growling when Healer bandages Hawke up. Done he keeps a hand on her as they go back to his tent. 

“Sleep.” He demands and tosses her on his bedroll. Hawke uses the bounce to regain her feet and goes to head out of the tent. “Stop. You break your word with every step. You said you would obey, you don't. You said you want to learn Qun, my will is the Qun.” 

“I know what I said but I don't understand what you want of me. I do not trust you, I cannot sleep here, and I cannot force myself to be what you want.” Hawke is facing him and furious. 

“Sten.” 

“Easier, less complicated than you, he is my commander you are you. I see you as a thorn in my side; I want you out of my city. Besides he told me I could fight beside him, not be left at home. He did not take my blades and armor and tell me to earn them; he does not hold me prisoner and make it to where I can't even heal myself so I can earn them back. You tell me no he shows me how.” Hawke finishes and bares her teeth at him. 

“Shanedan Arishok.” Sten says from the door and Hawke whips around to see him standing there. “You wanted me to report to you before I retired for the night.” Sten enters carefully. 

“Do you want to claim her?” Arishok asks and Sten shakes his head no. 

“My will is yours Arishok.” Hawke's eyes are wide looking at them both. 

“That is the Qun Hawke; my will is his, 1 body, 1 heart, and 1 mind. It is why we will conquer this city and the rest of Thedeas. If I tell him it is my will for him to take you here on this table in front of me and kill you he will. If I kill you here and now he will not say a word. Find your place in the Qun or die trying.” 

“I challenge you for my blades Sten.” Hawke growls and Sten shakes his head no. 

“Not how this works Hawke. Bend, find your way.” Hawke is so frustrated she is hitting one of the poles in the middle of the tent. 

“Hawke no.” Sten is to her and pulling her against him humming to soothe her. She is fighting him marking his chest with her blood and he keeps on humming cradling her head in his chest the other hand against her back. Hawke chuckles suddenly. 

“You would be horny when I want to kick your ass.” 

“You've never met one of our females when we come home injured from battle. Battle sex is some of the best ever.” Sten admits knuckles making her look at him. 

“You treat her as mate.” Arishok is surprised. 

“Yes but she is not. You are Arishok.” Sten confirms not releasing her. 

“If you are beside him what would you do Conquer this city? Rule it? They will not accept him at your side. Why rule one city when you can rule many?” Arishok is tilting his head at her and continues. “Reflect on what you want Hawke. Accept the Qun, conquer this city and rule it for the Qun or earn your blades and see if you can keep your city free. Go. Meditate, I will find you for sleep.” 

“Arishok.” Hawke is spoiling for a fight and he is no mood. 

“GO!” Arishok roars and she rounds on him. Sten is grabbing her chin making her look at him. Hawke clenches her jaw and leaves.

“She is more trying than a Par-Vollen winter.” Arishok grumbles and Sten laughs at that and answers. 

“She is young, damaged and utterly out of her depth here.” 

“She trusts you. Your time with humans has helped.” Arishok regards his second in command quietly.

“It did.” Sten inclines his head and knows Hawke hears his words. He can smell her arousal, knows the Arishok cannot. 

“Bend her, do not break her. Do not claim her, she is mine.” 

“Done.” Sten leaves and Arishok takes a moment to figure out what to do. He does not like not being in control, wants to put her back on the pole and break her. Round and round his thoughts go until he is gnashing his teeth in frustration. He goes to Healer tent, is not surprised to see him mixing a dose of Bleeding Sleep. When he looks up to see the Arishok he quickly finishes what he is doing and grabs his blades and follows Arishok to the rings. Hawke watches the Arishok fight the Healer from the platform. Healer is beauty in motion with quick sure strikes and a second sense to know where the Arishok will strike next. Arishok is raw strength and utter beauty as they go through the movements and patterns. 

“Poetry in motion yes?” Hawke asks and Sten traces claws down her back. 

“You are supposed to be reflecting.” Sten says the frown obvious in his voice. 

“I cannot, I need to know more about the Qun to make that kind of decision. I don't work on blind faith. I need to understand the structure more. How does the ranking here work? Arishok then who? Who is his second in command? How does that command change? Who decides he is the Arishok? Why don't women fight? I have so many questions and no one is talking.” Hawke isn't looking at him in frustrated and lonely. 

“Peace.” Sten offers and Hawke turns and launches at him. 

“No Peace, I am tired of peace.” Hawke yells as Sten blocks her blows but doesn't try to pin her. She is as restless as Arishok and twice as moody. When she is tiring he grabs one of her hands and spins her teeth already tracing her neck as she goes still his one hand holding her arms crossed against her chest. “Is this an act? You told the Arishok you did not want to claim me yet you told me you did. Which is it Sten?” 

“You know the truth of that Hawke; don't ask questions you already have answers to.” Sten can't admit to what he wants, not with Arishok trying for her as well. 

“Right Arishok, his will is yours. I am not sure I can get there.” Hawke is very aroused, wants to rub against him but he's holding her where she can't. 

“Bend Hawke, find your way. I will keep saying that until you do it. Fight beside me Kadan, dare to be more than you could ever hope.” Sten has his lips pressed against her ear. 

“Kadan? What is that?” Hawke barely breathes the question. 

“Find out Kadan. Go, Arishok is ready for sleep.” Hawke chuckles at that. 

“You are not, and neither am I.” Hawke moves slightly and its somewhere between a groan and a hum that greats her ear sending a shudder through her. 

“See you in the morning Hawke.” Sten shoves her and she starts running to the Temple. She makes it there and has her breathing under control and is sitting when Arishok gets there.

“Sleep.” He offers his hand and Hawke takes it. Back in the tent Hawke takes her clothes off and takes a whiff of her shirt smelling like Sten. When she lays down she tries to think of Sten humming and it has the opposite effect on her. “Now I know why you asked me to hum.” Arishok grouses and pulls her to him. Hawke waits patiently for the humming to start but Arishok snores instead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ariqun- Priest   
> Arishok-War   
> Arigena-Mind   
> Tamassran-Teacher   
> Karasaad-soldier   
> Karashok-Private   
> Arvaarad -Control   
> Saarebas – Mage   
> Taarbas-bladecollector   
> Gueryins-Females who carry


	39. Teach Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “No worries, I will have you hating me before we are done. Can she spar?” Healer nods.

“No hum no sleep.” Hawke frowns and that earns a snort. Even with everything that has happened that day she cannot sleep. Her mind is throwing her a million questions a minute and each one either pisses her off or makes her reflect on another million questions. She is sitting up elbows on knees teeth rubbing up and down her arm in thought. “Why didn't you hum?” Hawke asks as greeting when Arishok opens his eyes. He gets up and goes to eat breakfast not even glancing at her. 

“Eat.” Hawke goes to the table and nibbles on the fruit on her plate. Arishok has meat but he's gotten fruit for her. Has figured out she prefers no meat. 

“Answer me or I will keep asking until someone does. You want me to learn teach me.” Hawke is frustrated and tired. 

“It is a natural response; I cannot force myself to hum.” He finally answers his gaze even. 

“Ah so are you going to teach me the Qun?” Hawke is slightly hopeful.

“No Healer will teach you, he is of that class he will dictate that. When you are not training with Sten you will be with Healer. When you see Healer today tell him you will need sleep.” 

“Why don't I ask you to sleep when I am ready?” Hawke is tired of this fascination with sleep. 

“No.” Arishok doesn’t even look at her as he says it.

“As your mate would I get to order you around?” Hawke asks curious. 

“No. As my mate you would bear children and do what the Ariqun said which would be teach or heal more than likely.” Arishok continues to eat.

“Sten?” 

“No children, you would still be healer or teacher. But he cannot make you any more than what you are. You are at my mercy in everything including sending him to be a part of another Karataam or you for that matter.” Hawke leaves without a word. 

Getting to Healer she asks, “Tell me about the relationships of this group.” 

“We mate to procreate, nothing more. We form emotional attachments, we love, but we do not have casual relationships. Arishok thought you might be worthy so he is trying. Even if you are not worthy of him you would be very valuable to the Qunari. Your skills are impressive and your ability to learn and pass on that knowledge would make yours an interesting case for the Ariqun and Arigena.” Healer is mixing potions. 

“If he claims me the Ariqun and Arigena would uphold the mating?” Hawke asks helping with the herbs. 

“Yes, his choice would be under scrutiny but it would stand.” 

“Sten?” Hawke is scared to ask. 

“Same, it would be easier actually since there is no child requirement of Sten. If you have them great if not you will serve until you die. Arishok leads the entire military force, he is the warlord. Sten leads Karataam or unit of that, Karasten leads a smaller part of that unit. Arvaarad means control rod, they hold the leash of the Saarebas or mage.” 

“I am human, what are Qunari?” 

“Qunari means of the Qun, we are Kossith or white hair. Qunari can come from any race and marriage and children of that are treated the same. There is no waste in the Qun. Children are raised by the Tamassran and assigned a role at 12 and assessed and assigned accordingly. There are no inherited titles.” 

“What does Tamassran mean?” 

“Teacher they answer to Ariqun who is the priest or heart of the Qun.” 

“So there is Arigena as the brain, Arishok as the arms, legs, ears and eyes and the Ariqun is the heart?” 

“Exactly.” Healer says as Hawke puts the herbs and tools back she was using exactly the way they were before. 

“To be of the Qun you just do what they tell you to? What if I don't want to be a teacher?” 

“Then you would be evaluated and if it was found your skills matched what you wanted to do and there was a need you would do that.” 

“It's so simple is brilliant.” 

“Yes it is.” Sten comes in and Hawke tries to breathe through her happiness at seeing him and fails. His eyes are very blue today his white hair pulled half way back upper torso is bare. His pants form fitting though feet have no boots either. Sten is the same shade as Healer that silvery grey with both having black horns though Sten’s resemble Arishok’s with a thick base and no spirals while Healer’s are short. Sten’s chest holds the red paint that denotes he is a Sten Hawke having learned some of the symbols as she works with the men. 

“No worries, I will have you hating me before we are done. Can she spar?” Healer nods. 

“Be gentle but yes she should be ready to spar.” Healer is still nodding and Hawke is vibrating she is so happy and actually gives thought to hugging Healer. 

“Refrain please.” Healer is reading her like a book and Hawke nods and dashes out of the tent only to run into an elf convert coming in and bouncing back hard enough to curse. When the convert grabs her she thanks him and waits for Sten outside of the tent. 

“Easy Hawke, we have running to do first and then sparring.” Sten gently traces a finger down her spine smiles at the flush of adrenaline and Hawke nods and is still dancing on her toes in eagerness.

As Hawke runs with the men she peppers them with questions in common and they work on her pronunciation in Qunari. When they get back to the compound they head to the ring and Sten pairs her off with one of the Karasaad. 

“Teach him to fight you Hawke, TEACH do not destroy.” Hawke nods and circles the man. He is one of the shortest Kossith Hawke has seen only standing about six and a half feet. His build is leaner, smaller than the rest of Sten's unit and she wonders if he is a scout. He comes at her and she dances under his arm slapping him on the back as she does. It is a hard thwack that is loud and humiliating. Karasaad's reaction is instant and predictable, he comes at her again and she jumps up grabbing his horns and pulling him down with her in her momentum. He crashes down on his back and she is straddling his shoulders thighs crushing his windpipe while her legs keep his shoulders down or would if he wasn't twice her size. She uses the heave forward and tucks into a roll. 

“Good, rule one when fighting me. I will always try to get you to my level. Use your size and your strength against me.” He is grabbing for her again and Hawke leads him on a merry dance around the ring just barely staying out of reach until he is panting and tired. “Rule number two, don't chase me. I will always be able to outlast you; I am faster and have more endurance. Right now you are winded and with a few great punches.” Hawke follows this statement up with a series of blows in a concentrated area on his right shoulder and his kidney and she lands a round house kick on him that has him falling backwards. “You are back on your ass again.” As the Karasaad empties his stomach and is holding his shoulder she is waiting for him to stand up. 

“Done.” Sten says and Hawke nods and walks towards him. 

“Sten.” Hawke stumbles as she feels dizzy. She is trying to see if she is bleeding and shakes her head. When she pulls her pants away from her waist she curses and is swiping at the cut trying to see if she can figure out what is in her system. Sten grabs her and swings her up she is losing consciousness quickly. “Smell, tell me what you smell. Hurry, I need to know.” Sten takes a whiff, 

“Nothing but blood, wait metallic and I do not know the common word for it hang on we will get Healer. Arvaarad, inform Arishok. Hawke has been attacked.” Sten is worried and Arvaarad leaves. She can feel the cold seeping in, can feel it dragging at her limbs and it's taking her under. “Healer, Hawke has been attacked.” Sten announces putting her in the bed and pulling her shirt off to show him the wound. 

“Does she know what it is?” Healer asks looking at the wound. 

“I don't know it smelled metallic, with tannic and graveroot in it.” Sten shrugs and Hawke shakes her head in confusion. 

“Show me what you are talking about.” Hawke is weakly trying to fight off the poison. Healer shows her as Arishok is coming in. “Journal with armor, page with tall stalk and white flowers, hurry.” 

“Your fingers.” Arishok is concerned and Hawke can't move her hands, her arms are useless she knows her fingers are turning black that the poison is racing to her heart. 

“Who attacked you?” Healer asks. 

“Elf ran into here only one close enough. Normally not this fast, run plus spar equals faster than normal. This is excruciating death, this was personal.” Hawke is panting now to speak tries to keep her breathing and therefore her heart slow. Healer has the book and flips through it quickly to the page she needs. “That, make it you should have what you need here already.” Hawke's muscles are seizing and she can feel her heart speed up. 

“Lock the compound, I want that elf found.” Sten leaves to do Arishok’s bidding. 

“I will do my own retribution Arishok. You will not take this kill from me.” Hawke is panting trying to breathe. 

“You are my guest; you were hurt again here in my compound. His punishment is mine to give.” Arishok shakes his head and Hawke wants to soothe him and can't her arms and legs are not working anymore. 

“Healer. Talk to me, what are you doing?” Hawke asks instead. 

“Mixing in the order given and then heating as required.” Healer is not even glancing at her now. 

“Don't handle the belladonna without gloves; it will give you interesting dreams.” Healer snorts at that. 

“Yes well aware of the aphrodisiac qualities of that.” 

“What are you speaking?” Arishok asks and Hawke shakes her head.

“Elven, I ran out of Qunari words.” Arishok goes to leave and Hawke tries one more time. “Allow me this and I will submit to the Qun.” Arishok stops and looks hard at her. 

“One man for a lifetime commitment, why is this that important?” He asks carefully. 

“I need his information; I need to know who would use this on me. I need to know why this was done and I need to clean it up. I want your word I can have him and I can have any and all who were connected.” Hawke is laying cards on the table she doesn't want to. 

”You do not suspect me of this?” Arishok asks. 

“This is not Qunari way I do not doubt you could do this if you wanted but it is not your way. You see what you want and kill it or conquer it. You do not care to see lesser beings suffer it is not worthy. For all I am worthy I will always be considered lesser than you. You would not see me suffer.” 

“Wise Hawke, you know me well. You have your bargain; you will learn the rest of the Qun. You will be claimed. Welcome to the Qun Hawke, Healer make sure she is rewarded for her knowledge.” Another wave of pain rips through her and Arishok takes her hand and hums. Hawke is just as surprised as Healer Arishok is humming and stroking her hand. Hawke knows better than to tell him what he is feeling in front of Healer. Arishok sits and waits as the mixture is made and when Healer finishes its Arishok who puts the mixture on her cut and him who tilts her head forward so she can finish the thick liquid Hawke chokes on because her throat is not cooperating. 

“Arishok, take her to your tent. Whoever attacked her will probably try again.” Arishok nods and lifts Hawke carrying her to his tent and laying her down on his bedroll.


	40. Hunts in the Dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Tell the Arishok I have a present for him, we will unwrap it together.”

Hawke wakes up in degrees, first working on moving her feet and then her hands. “You’re awake.” Arishok rumbles and Hawke opens her eyes to see him looking at her. He is braced on an elbow hand splayed over her ribs looking at her intently. Then he is bending down over her tracing teeth over her neck and she feels the shiver but nothing else. It is frightening to be this close to something that can rip your throat out. His earrings are close and Hawke wants to touch them, for all she spends her nights with him she doesn't explore him. Hawke reaches up to touch them and Arishok stops the teeth to watch her face as she feels the earrings. “Earned when you learn Qun, you will have one before the day is out. There are six pillars of the Qun and you get an earring for each one.” 

“Why then do none of your men wear them?” Hawke asks curious. 

“I wear them for them. They cannot have the titles they do without having mastered the pillars.” Arishok says looking at her. 

“Then why would I wear them?” Hawke asks. 

“Women do not fight so there is no reason for you not to.” Arishok knows it’s the wrong thing. 

“Because I am Teacher or Healer and a Woman I would wear them because I am not part of the Antaam.” Hawke is up and stumbling for the door Arishok catches her as she lands on her knees near the table. 

“How long was I out?” Hawke asks looking up at him. 

“Two days.” 

“Did you find the elf?” Hawke asks and Arishok shakes his head no. 

“Take me to where he stays.” 

“You can't even walk.” Arishok points out admiring her determination and Hawke shakes her head and then holds it. 

“Fine, food but then I need to work.” Arishok nods and places her in a chair and puts water and food in front of her. It's more fruit along with bread. Finishing the food and several glasses of water and she grits her teeth as her body protests when she stands again. “I earned my hour outside of the compound when I trounced the Karasaad right?” 

“Yes.” 

“Where do the converts sleep?” Hawke asks and Arishok assigns a Karasaad to show her. 

“Stay with her, do not let her out of your sights.” Karasaad nods and follows Hawke. 

“Lead, do not follow me.” Hawke orders sharply and the Karasaad moves to walk beside her. She is greeted by several of the men and is not surprised when she sees Sten and his men in the rings. Hawke doesn't even pause when she sees them and continues to the tents for the converts. 

“Here.” Karasaad nods and Hawke nods and ducks into the tent. She does not speak to the elves doesn't even give them a glance as she inspects the bed without touching anything. There is a chest at the end of the bed and Hawke smiles at the clever trap on the lid. 

“Dagger.” Hawke requests and the Karasaad hands her one. Tripping the wire she carefully opens the lid and smiles at the empty chest. 

“Get out of there! That is not yours.” It's broken common but she glances at the owner. It’s a short man with blonde hair who is definitely Elvin. 

“You are correct, who are you?” 

“That's Jeger's bunk. Haven't seen him days though, rumor says he was killed. I'm Tevin” 

“Rumors are exaggerated. I assure you he is not dead.” Hawke smiles at the man and motions him over. “Let you in on a secret Tevin?” 

“Sure.” 

“When there is an empty trapped chest it's always good to make sure you empty the secret compartment too.” Hawke lifts the bottom of the chest up and smiles at the papers and poisons. “Take this to the work tent please, careful of the bottles.” Hawke orders in Qunari and Karasaad motions one of the other Karasaad's to get the box and put it where he’s directed. “Now we can have a very friendly chat about what you know or I can have some fun. Choose carefully.” Hawke smiles and the elf sits on the bed and speaks.

“Arishok.” Hawke greets as she ducks into the tent that night. “I need the night and my armor, no weapons as we agreed for this outing.” Arishok closes the book and looks at her. She is dressed in tunic and boots her hair braided and she is ghostly pale and visibly shaking with fatigue. 

“Wait until tomorrow and you can have your weapons.” 

“Trail will be cold and he might get warned. I leave now with or without what I requested.” Hawke crosses her arms and glares at him. 

“Do you require assistance?” Arishok is gauging her response, her fitness and finding her lacking.

“No.” Hawke shakes her head in emphasis. 

“Your chest piece is not repaired but the rest of your armor is fine. You may have your weapons as such.” 

“Deal.” Arishok indicates the armor stand next to his which has her armor on it. It is clean and well cared for and Hawke is shocked. 

“You knew.” 

“I would not send you out into the world unprotected.” Arishok answers and Hawke is all trembling fingers as her armor slides though her hands onto her body. 

“You honor me Arishok.” Arishok helps her into her armor his hands tracing fires over her she does not want to recognize. 

“Bring honor.” Arishok rumbles over her head and Hawke nods. Caressing her swords she is nearly in tears when she sees her daggers as well. Arishok watches as she goes through the pouches on her belt and applies various substances to her weapons. 

“I will be back before daybreak.” Hawke leaves.

Sten is near the gate and does a double take when he sees Hawke walking towards him. “Hawke?” He asks curious. 

“Aye.” 

“You are leaving?” He is glancing to see if Arishok is behind her. 

“Be back before daybreak. I will return to you Sten. We have lots of conversations to have.” He pulls her to him and kisses her carefully she is ever one to push though and bites his lip smiling when he growls and she rubs his horns in response. 

“Go before I do something we will regret.” Sten purrs and lets her go. She is out of the compound and headed for the estate. Her window is shut so she has to sneak in though the kitchen and reminds herself to scold Bodhan for not having a better lock. Up the stairs she finds her chest that has her spare armor and pulls on a chest piece. It is not the quality of her original but it will work for this mission. She heads over to the Alienage to talk to a few people there. It is just after dark so there are still plenty of people about. Hawke makes quite inquires and waits. She is not disappointed when Jeger comes out of a house looking over his shoulder as he tries to flee. Hawke is on him and smiles as she secures him and drags him to the compound. 

“Hawke?” Karasaad asks as he sees the elf and her. 

“Tell the Arishok I have a present for him, we will unwrap it together.” Karasaad nods and takes the elf and Hawke leaves again. Hawke has very successful night hunting; she drops three more presents for the Arishok and cleans out a group of Dog Lords. As the sun rises she brings one final gift to the Arishok, a human and Fenris.


	41. Play Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Torture & Sex- You have been warned  
> “Come up willingly and I won't kill you today.”

“Arishok?” Hawke asks. 

“Arishok says for you to bathe, sleep, eat and then you can unwrap.” Karasaad answers and Hawke nods. 

“You need sleep?” Hawke asks and Fenris nods. “My guest, show him where he can sleep and eat. I need a bath first and then I will join you to eat.” Fenris nods and Hawke heads for the baths she is exhausted. 

“Hawke.” Arvaarad calls and she nods to the man. 

“Sten is in the bath, are you training with us today?” 

“No. I need to tend to my prey.” Arvaarad nods and Hawke starts stripping her armor and getting clean done she gets into the tub that has Sten and two Karasaad. 

“Leave us.” Karasaad nods and gets out. Hawke hisses as the water turns very red as the various cuts and gashes received during the night of having imperfect chest armor closes. “You hunt was successful then.” Sten observes pulling her to him and washing blood off of her. 

“I was but I need my chest piece repaired or another one made. My second best one is not sufficient.” 

“I see that.” He tilts his head to her and she shakes her head and moves away. Sten keeps a hand on her arm as she arches her back feeling her wound heal more. “Still a hole there and you popped your stitches Healer is going to yell at you.” Sten smiles and Hawke shakes her head again. “I am happy you returned safely.” Sten traces a claw over her neck and Hawke is surprised by her reaction to that. 

Kissing leads to raking fingers over his chest and wrapping her arms around his neck and she is moaning softly as his claws keep her close and her legs wraps around his waist to pull him closer. She is rubbing against him and he uses her hair to pull her neck back where he can trace teeth on her a constant hum in his chest. Hawke continues to rub and then puts her hand down to rub on him and Sten stops and tips her chin to look at him. “Ware what you do Kadan. I can only hold back so much so many times.” Hawke smiles at this and bites gently under his chin it is submission. His response is instant as he spins her around and fits her between chest and erection and it is a fast pace as he rubs her nerves with every thrust she is rubbing with her hands and he is humming and growling clenching his teeth to keep from biting her. As she comes she bites in a series of nips along his chin which sends him over. He puts his head on her shoulder trying to get his breath back, trying to get his balance back. “Kadan, keep this up and I will claim you weather the Arishok wants me to or not.” Hawke gets out of his arms and of the tub when they have both recovered. Sten stays trying to calm his mind, Arishok had said she was his but Hawke tempts him seeks him out, her attraction to him obvious and insistent. He’s never questioned the Arishok but this woman, this one thing he wants.

Arishok is still sleeping when she gets to his tent and puts her armor up after eating with Fenris. Fenris is headed to the convert tent, it was done on purpose and Hawke smiles at the fact they will tell Fenris much while he is there. Done getting undressed she lays down on her bedroll only to be pulled to him and secured in his arms a hand on her chest and a hum greets her. Hawke is mentally and physically exhausted and sleep finds her quickly. When she wakes up it’s to the Arishok looking down at her in a familiar way. This time though he bends down and kisses her. It's like being kissed by a drowning man, he is trying to drink her and she is tangling fingers in his hair as he finally lets her breathe tracing lips and teeth down her neck first to one nipple and then the other. He is humming and Hawke is in shock, she is also aroused. When he moves to her navel licking and then kissing it she grabs a horn and puts a hand under his chin it’s too much. “Stop. No. Arishok please stop.” It’s the pleading in her voice, the utter fear in it and from her body that has him looking at her. 

“You want Sten.” Arishok says it without any emotion and Hawke doesn't answer, isn't sure. “Choose carefully. His will is mine. Come we have presents to unwrap.” Arishok rumbles and is up from the bed walking to the stand where his armor is.

“On the bright side I slept.” Hawke admits as she helps him into his armor and gets into hers leaving the chest piece on the stand. 

“No chest piece?” Arishok frowns and Hawke shakes her head no. 

“Not as good as the one I destroyed; I had many wounds last night. I need to go to the Healer tent and have my wound stitched.” 

“We will go there first.” Arishok walks out of the tent Hawke on his heels. Healer is not happy with her, is furious she did not see him sooner. 

“I needed sleep and food. I was under strict orders.” Hawke growls snapping her teeth at him as he puts the needle to her skin causing a gasp which has Arishok humming and walking closer to glare at Healer. 

“She has chosen the Qun, make sure she is prepared.” Arishok admits and Hawke yelps as the needle is jabbed into her skin a little too hard. 

“Healer, this does not please you. You are worried, why are you worried?” Hawke is off the table putting a hand on Arishok and feeling acceptance and determination no emotions that would warrant the worry. “Explain.” Hawke begs and bats Healer's hand away when he would continue the stitch. 

“No.” Arishok shakes his head slightly and Healer sighs. It is a standoff she can't win and she knows it. She puts her back to Healer and he finishes the stitches and bandages the wound. Hawke rotates her shoulder to check the stretch and nods in satisfaction. Arishok leads her to a small wooden hut and she smiles, it’s a well house. Opening the door she sees the stone well and the rope on the other side of it. 

“You can't fit a Kossith in this.” Hawke says as she peers down and sees the eyes of her prisoners looking up at her. 

“No but it works for any other race.” 

“Come up willingly and I won't kill you today.” Hawke calls down and they nod. One comes up the ladder she lowers and Hawke signals the man to follow her. As they hit the sunlight he gasps and stops for his eyes to adjust and that is when Hawke strikes her finger coated in Lover's Speech a mild toxin that loosens the tongue wonderfully. “Speak.” Hawke demands as they walk around the compound. This elf does though his information is not very helpful. “You are free to go.” Hawke gets to the gates and the elf takes off. 

“That was more restraint than I have seen you shown in years Hawke.” Fenris admits from behind her. Hawke smiles and walks back to the well house. 

“Rest of you elves up and out, your information is not needed.” Hawke says and the elves climb up to leave. Hawke catches Jeger's shoulder. “You my pretty, you and I have a date and I promise you will enjoy it.” Hawke's voice is pitched low, her body drawing Jeger in like a lover. Fenris is hit with arousal immediately and breathes it away or tries to as Hawke uses a low table in the well house to pin the elf to. She's made a modified rack that uses the elf's body against itself. Arishok has been quiet during her ministrations and as she strips the elf with Fenris' help and puts him on the rack he watches her. No wasted movements on her preparations and then the screaming begin. Jeger tells her exactly what she wants to know. Hawke smiles licking the blood off the blade and watching Jeger's eyes go wide as she adds poison to it. “Who will miss you Jeger? Who does my pretty elf want me to carry prayers to?” Hawke traces the knife navel to chin and back down again her blade making a shallow cut. Her blade is coated in Gorgon poison. It is excruciating and the elf's skin is sizzling as it burns. 

“Enough Hawke.” Fenris demands and she hisses at him and snaps her teeth. He knows it for the challenge it is and he pushes her away from the elf to the wall and pins her there hand on her wrist and her waist. “He has given you what you want, end it.” His forehead is on hers his body arched away from her. Hawke darts her tongue out and traces the markings on his chin and then leans to whisper in his ear. 

“I am done when I say I am. You get no say in that, this man poisoned me and almost killed me. I was hours from death Fenris, hours.” Fenris' reaction is primal and instant as pushes her against the wall his markings flash as he grabs the man's heart in his hand and pulls it out and presents it to her. “None but I will kill you Hawke, none but I.” It is a whispered promise that sends a chill down Hawke's spine even as she wants to kiss Fenris, strip him and ride him on the rack covered in blood. She shakes her head and remembers Arishok is there. 

“Dog lord is yours Arishok. He and his group have been feeding the dissent in the city against you.” 

“Then I will take care of him and this mess. Go clean up.” Hawke nods and walks out Fenris behind her. 

She knows she looks frightful covered in blood and she stops by the Smith's tent to hand over her swords. “I was wondering if you had forgotten your agreement.” Sten is walking towards her. 

“Fenris this is Sten my commander.” Sten nods in greeting. “I will hand over my daggers when I have cleaned them of their burden.” Hawke continues to the bath. Sten and Fenris are speaking back and forth in Qunari though Fenris stops when Hawke starts stripping and watches her. He gets to see her wound as she takes the bandage off and walks towards her pressing fingers to it. Hawke is surprised by his touch only for a moment and then continues to wash the rest of her body while he inspects the back. 

“She took a spear for the Arishok. It went all the way through; she has refused to take it easy so she has slowed her healing.” Sten scowls and Hawke smiles at him. 

“Do what you need to and come home Hawke, Kirkwall needs you.” Fenris is rattled by her injury; she was damn close to dying. Hawke knows this goes to touch him and stops. 

“I am alive Fenris, I am okay. I have learned a lot here, I will get out of here when I can. Though full disclosure I have chosen to be submitted to the Qun.” Fenris' breath is whooshed in a hiss and his markings go bright as he kneels in front of Hawke and cups her face. 

“No Hawke, please do not do this. There are those that do not survive, you will have to go to Par-Vollen and you might be there for years. Once you accept the Qun there is no going back there is no leaving. If you do they will hunt you as Vashoth or gray. Do not leave me Hawke, I need you.” 

“The Qun is a book, how would I not survive a book?” Hawke asks and Fenris shakes his head. 

“Submitting to the Qun means you are submitting to a trial of tests, each more difficult than the last and all designed to figure out which skills best suit you. When it is done Ariqun gives you a role.” 

“Oh.” Fenris chuckles softly. “Least I wouldn't have to marry the Viscount's son or Magistrate's.” Hawke says Magistrate with such venom Sten wonders what the man did to her. 

“True you would have no control of your life at all which we both know you would never accept. Get in the tub Hawke, I will clean your armor and join you for food.” Hawke nods and climbs the steps and gets in the tub. 

“You care for her armor?” Sten asks as they walk to the smith's tent. 

“Yes, I care for her armor and her weapons as I can.” 

“Does she do the same for you?” Sten asks and Fenris shakes his head no. “You deemed her unworthy.” Sten says and Fenris looks at the man puzzled. 

“I have yet to meet a man worthy of her. Wait she said I found her unworthy. She would see it that way.” Fenris takes a stiff brush to Hawke's armor. 

“Where is her chest-piece?” Fenris asks and the Smith points to a heap where the ruined chest-piece sits. “I will take it with me if you do not mind?” Smith shakes his head no and Sten frowns. 

“What is your plan Fenris?” 

“To get another one made with the same measurements, she cannot go into battle with no chest-piece and the other one is insufficient to keep her safe. I cannot follow her if she is dead.” Fenris says levelly. 

“She is your commander?” Sten asks and Fenris is thrown back into the same circle as before. 

“She is my companion.” Fenris admits and sees the object of discussion coming into the tent. 

“Sten, wrap me?” Hawke asks holding the bandage out and he nods takes her back behind the smith as she takes one arm out of her shirt giving him access to the wound. His hands are quick and efficient in his task and Hawke pulls her shirt back in place and goes to grab her daggers from Fenris. Pulling gloves on she asks the Smith for cleaning supplies and a tray. He complies and Hawke goes back into a routine Fenris has seen her do so many times. Laying out antidotes and her daggers in a fan and meticulously cleaning each of the weapons and returning them to their sheaths. Finished she puts the antidotes away into their pouches and pulls her journal out and makes a few notes and puts it back in its pouch. Sun is down when they are done with armor and Hawke takes Fenris to the mess hall and sits with him. 

“Eat.” Fenris growls when she is picking at her food. “I know you don't like to but you need to.” Hawke cuts him a glare and he does not back down. Done eating they walk towards the gate. “Come home Hawke. I will get you a new chest piece shortly.” Hawke nods. 

A few nights later she hears her name turns Sten is there smiling. “Are you up for hunting tonight?” Hawke smiles at that.

“Yes. Can I take my weapons?” 

“Clear it with Arishok.” 

Hawke turns to go to his tent and ducks in as he is taking off his armor for the night. Hawke is there instantly helping him with the straps and buckles. “May I take my weapons on the hunt?” Hawke asks and Arishok nods. 

“You will earn your blades back shortly; this is one of those ways.” Arishok is helping her into her armor notices the flush of cheek the catch of breath as his fingers brush here and there lighting fires of arousal. Progress, he will have his Yassin yet.


	42. Check in

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Not willing to keep her but not willing to let her go either Broody? You can't have it both ways.”

“So how was Hawke?” Varric asks and Fenris smiles as he looks at the dwarf and the rest of the companions at the table. 

“Fine, still not healed though I need to get her a new chest-piece, hers is not salvageable.” 

“I will have Bodhan see what he can find.” Varric offers and Fenris nods. 

“Who made that set of armor for her?” Isabella asks and Aveline shakes her head answering. 

“Athenrial's smith did. Had it made for her as a going away present for her services. Athenrial was not happy when Hawke chose to not stay on.” Aveline continues. 

“Hawke chooses her own path.” Varric says and Fenris frowns at that. When the rest of the group has broken up and it’s just Fenris and Varric sitting by the fire drinks in hand Varric asks him. “Broody, what is wrong. I've seen you many things but sad is not one of them. I thought you had moved on from Hawke, you seem to enjoy Isabella plenty.” 

“Varric, I am afraid I am losing Hawke, I am afraid we all will if she goes through what she plans to.” 

“Less mystery please Broody, I can't help unless I know what I am up against.” Varric indicates Fenris should continue. 

“She wants to submit to the Qun, if she does that she will leave with them.” Fenris admits and Varric sighs. 

“Not willing to keep her but not willing to let her go either Broody? You can't have it both ways.” 

“I am aware of the predicament I am in Varric. However feelings aside, I will not lose Hawke, not even to her own blood lust.”

Hawke is hip deep in slaver blood and loving every minute of it. Sten watches her as she flies with her blades and smiles as she checks to see where the men are and stays close. Sten finishes his opponent and looks for her again and swears. She is pinned beneath one of the slavers though as he gets close she reaches with her legs and pulls the man off of her and then follows to reverse their positions and drives her dagger into his heart. She is off of him and collecting her swords and looking for another target. One of the slaver mages is summoning undead from the bodies and she curses. Arvaarad sees the mage and orders his Saarebas to attack it. When it is done and the souls have all been collected. Hawke looks at Sten and nearly loses her breath. He stands the moonlight bathing him covered in blood his blades in his hands still and dripping down onto the sand. 

“Hawke focus.” Arvaarad orders and she shakes her head and looks at him. Saarebas is standing next to him and both look at her levelly. “Not here, not now control yourself.” Hawke nods and walks off to loot the bodies.

When Hawke walks into the tent fresh from another bath and braiding her hair Arishok is reading. “You were successful.” 

“Of course and no injuries either.” Hawke sits on her bedroll though eyes Arishok when she does. 

“You will sleep there Hawke. You cannot join Sten in the Barracks, too much of a distraction. He is entitled to private quarters since he is Sten. I will arrange it if it is needed.” Hawke stops taking off her boots and levels a look at Arishok. 

“I do not know what I want, Fenris told me plainly what I would be up against if I submitted to the Qun. I know you have told me but when he did it clicked I would be leaving Kirkwall, I cannot leave my mother. I am the only one she has left. Family means a lot to me.” Hawke turns away and continues to take off her boots stretching her toes and massaging her feet. 

“Understandable. Your activities with him cannot continue though unless he claims you.” Hawke turns at that and almost looks guilty. “I am Arishok; I know all that goes on in this camp Hawke.” 

“My alliance with him will still get you what you want; I will still submit to the Qun, I will still not stand against you if/when you take over this city. I underestimated you Arishok.” That does get a laugh from him. 

“Many do as they do you.” 

“Are there more than one Sten?” Hawke asks and Arishok nods. 

“There are few Sten as there are many Arvaarad and Karasaad. I only have one Sten here, my other was lost when we wrecked.” Arishok has no emotion attached to this sentence. 

“I mourn your loss Arishok, to lose is not easy.” Hawke chooses to see what the Arishok is reading and lying down on his arm to look at it from his view. It’s a collection of short stories from Brother Genetivi's travels. 

“You use Fenris as a way to control your blood lust.” Arishok looks down at her. He feels her still, feels her weighing answers and tossing them away one by one. 

“I have to. I can get carried away; my brother did it for me when we grew up. Now I use Fenris, I have done horrible things when left to my own devices.” 

“Control in all things is Qun Hawke. Care with your actions and your words. That pillar I think will be the last one you conquer.” Hawke snorts at that statement and smiles. 

“Truer words were never spoken Arishok. I found the information I needed from the elves. A woman I worked for when I first came to the city is trying to kill me. I can't figure out why though. I have caused her no harm; I have not stepped into her business since we parted either. I haven't spoken to her since I came back from the Deep Roads. If she wanted me killed why not just do it and be done? Why the slow poison? I am confused.” 

“See if sleep can bring you clarity. Are you sleeping here or returning to your bedroll?” 

“Here, let's see if I can actually sleep now.” He grunts in response and puts his chin on the top of her head as they lay facing each other. He is asleep in moments and though Hawke fights it she manages to sleep as well. Waking up has her sprawled on his chest a hand on her back and the other tangled in her hair. Hawke untangles her hair and sits up straddling him. When she would get off he holds her there by the waist. Placing her hands on his chest she tilts her head at him. 

“Not sure I want this path.” Arishok laughs at that even as Hawke reaches back and finds him very much awake and strokes. 

“Parshaara Hawke, do not start something you don't want to finish.” Hawke smacks him with her other hand and gets up walking over to her armor and stroking it. “Does the morning bring you clarity?” Arishok asks and Hawke shakes her head no. 

“I will have to table that problem until I have my blades back. She is very skilled, very protected and I must deal with one problem at a time. I need to finish the contracts today and send those back. I also still have the box from Jeger's to go through as well as anything Sten and Healer wish of me. I meant no disrespect Arishok, is there anything you need of me today?” 

“No. Get your tasks done. Eat dinner with me tonight in here. We need to work on your knowledge of Qun, Healer will join us.” 

“Arishok honors me.” Hawke leaves and heads to the work tent wading through the marriage contracts and getting them finished mid-morning. Needing a break she goes to see what Sten is up to and finds him and his men in the rings. Arishok is speaking to Sten his back to her and Sten does not see her as she greets the men and then takes a set of throwing daggers to the line.


	43. I am not Merciful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NSFW- Take the warnings.
> 
> “Many. I can take days to kill someone if I have the time and the need. Killing is just like any other job, learn it learn it well and then use those skills for what they are needed for. Enjoy your work, do it to the best of your ability and take satisfaction in that and do not seek outside approval.”

“You are creative in your killing.” Sten says finally and Hawke turns to look at him. 

“You do not approve? I needed the information and I do my own interrogations. Arishok was there for the whole show.” 

“Death and killing are not a show or for entertainment. It is done to end a threat or a problem.” 

Hawke smiles at this continues to throw the knives into patterns, “I enjoy the death; I revel in the killing Sten. I have been killing longer than I can remember not killing. I killed my first man when I was 13 and before the sun is set on this day I hope to kill more.” Hawke turns to him gauging his reaction to this. 

“Why?” Arishok asks leaning on a pole watching them. 

“Why not? There are always people looking to die and I am happy to do it. I am happy to take their souls and move them along to whatever awaits them. I do not regret death; my sister's throat was slit in front of me. I did not regret her death only that I did not take more time with the men who did it. I hope my death is glorious and bloody and that there is someone to tell it years after it is done. You do not wish the same?” Hawke asks flicking her wrist at Arishok but not releasing the blade. 

“No. My death will be in service of The Qun, if it is remembered it will be by the Tamassran. I do not kill for glory; I kill because it is needed.” Arishok is shaking his head at her. 

“Then you are truly missing out.” Hawke shrugs turning back and making the knives make a perfect circle. 

“Celebrate life, enjoy the moments you are alive Hawke.” Sten takes two of the knives from her and tries to hit the target. He misses with both and Hawke laughs. 

“Unfamiliar weapon Sten?” 

“Very. They are so light.” Sten grumbles as Hawke hands him the rest while she goes to get the others. 

“Care for a bit of a moving target?” Hawke smiles and Sten shakes his head no which causes her to pout. “Did either of you need me or are you just going to watch me make pretty patterns with knives?” Hawke asks juggling the knives in a display of dexterity that has Arishok watching in fascination. Truly showing off now she kicks two into the wood and then throws the others to make a smiley face. Sten laughs at it and says. 

“Well done, if I find a kill with a smiley face I will know it was you.” Hawke smiles at that. 

“Dog Lord you left me to deal with has proven uncooperative in giving me the information I need.” Arishok admits and Hawke flashes her teeth. 

“Can I play? Or you could just show him my last toy.” 

Arishok nods at this, “Considering he heard the whole thing you’d think he would talk. I shall show him your last toy.” 

“How many ways do you have to make someone talk?” Sten asks. 

“Many. I can take days to kill someone if I have the time and the need. Killing is just like any other job, learn it learn it well and then use those skills for what they are needed for. Enjoy your work, do it to the best of your ability and take satisfaction in that and do not seek outside approval.” Arishok levels a look at her.

“You speak the Qun as if born to it Hawke. It is a true pity you are not a man. You would make a fine Sten.” 

“Not Arishok?” Hawke asks frowning.

“No, killing is fine but I have to bring converts to the Qun. Our way is force when necessary otherwise peace, you would wage war and be lost in the peace.” Arishok says and Sten nods and adds, 

“We are doing drills this afternoon. We have two new Karasaad's added to the unit and I want to see you together.” Hawke nods at this and Sten leaves. 

“You came to watch me make pretty patterns.” Hawke beams and Arishok shakes his head no. “Fine, I will finish the final contract and work on the box.” Hawke stomps ahead of Arishok like a child and he growls at her.

Healer is testing her knowledge of the Qun as Hawke cleans her blades that night after they have eaten and then looks to Arishok, “May I clean yours?” Arishok nods. Healer leaves, Arishok picks up one of his axes and comes to where Hawke is sitting down and sits behind her placing his blade on her lap. She is fitted against his chest as she picks the blade up smiling as Arishok places his hands next to hers lifting it for her as she cleans it using the cloth to wipe it clean and then the oil. As she moves her hands his do as well a brush here a linger there and Hawke is very aroused closes her eyes as Arishok runs his nose along her neck from behind her ear to her shoulder and shudders as he places the axe across her knees pinning her with it using his hands to stroke her stomach, her ribs his hands sliding under her tunic to glide the oil across her skin. “Arishok.” Hawke is putty in his hands is moaning as his hands massage the oil into her skin. 

“Hands on the blade Hawke, do not let go.” Hawke obeys allowing her hands to hold the axe as he slides hands into her pants cups her sex smiles how wet she is already. “Already so ready, you will call my name Hawke.” Hawke wants to move her legs, can't with the blade across them and Arishok pinning her as one hand plays with her nipples making them react for him and his fingers find her thrusts and Hawke is arching against him. Nearly comes apart as Arishok runs teeth down her neck again licks and worries at the spots as she does come apart saying his name over and over again. Hawke sags against him feels how hard he is behind her lifts her ass to rub against him keeping her hands on the axe. “Tell me Hawke, tell me you want this.” Arishok rubs against her hears her breath hitch and his breath is ragged. 

“Arishok.” Hawke wants more release as his hands keep the assault on her body going. “Yes.” Arishok traces teeth and fingers over her places his axe on the floor near the other one and pushes her to her knees removing her tunic and pants her small clothes with them rubs against her bare ass. 

“You will get this when you are mine and only mine. Not yet, you are not Yassin.” Arishok smiles at her whimper keep her against him with a hand on her hip. Spreading her hips wider Arishok inserts two fingers using his erection to keep his hand there feeling the rocking of her hips as she meets him. A third finger joins and she is mewling in delight his name a chant. It is all of Arishok's control not to shove into her and claim her and as she shatters around him again he debates his resolve. 

“Arishok, let me please you.” Hawke crawls away from him turns and licks his fingers enjoying her taste. Arishok's pants are already undone, his erection in his hand as he brings calm and control back to himself. Her lips are tentative on him as she licks, plays and sucks wants him to lose control just once. “Arishok, watch me.” Hawke demands and he does the sight of him disappearing into her mouth his undoing. His release is with a roar and she takes him all wipes her mouth and he manages to stay conscious and carries her to the bedroll getting them both clean. 

“I should not have done that, it will not happen again unless I claim you.” Arishok admits as she pulls a nightgown on covering his marks on her neck. Returns to the bedroll with her falling asleep quickly as Arishok thinks what to do now.


	44. Commitment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Then her training is not going well.”

“Now that you have chosen the Qun you have stepped on the path of the first pillar.” Healer places the piece of fabric with the Qunari symbol on it. Do you see the square here?” Healer points to the square at the bottom and Hawke nods. “That is you; these are the pillars you must learn. There is no time limit; there is no correct way to learn them you just will.”   
Hawke traces a finger up and down the lines of the flag trying to see the pillars and she does, but now she has to figure out how to climb them how to conquer them. 

“Arishok and I both agree you have mastered Strength, the strength to accept what is, what can be and what won't be. To change what you can to acknowledge what you cannot and to accept the difference.” Healer leans against the work table he is casual grace and contained strength. 

“How will I know the other pillars?” Hawke asks as she tries to grasp what he is telling her. Her knowledge of the Qunari language is still limited, passable but not nearly what it needs to be. 

“Tamassran will tell you when you are on the path; I am not Tamassran to teach you the Qun merely trying to get you in the right space to accept it. The Qun is highly personal as all religions are, do you even believe in any god?” 

“No, I believe in life and death, the beating of a heart and the tears of sorrow. I believe in what I can taste, touch, see and hear and all the emotions those give me. There is no god to greet me when I die just the demon who holds my soul. I know what is on the other side for souls; there is no Maker only the fade and the spirits and demons that use your soul for their own needs.” Hawke twirls her blade in her hand her fingers unable to stay still for long. “What I don't know is where the souls of the followers of the Qun go. Even the Saarebas I have harvested did not stay in the fade but went somewhere else. It is most puzzling.” Hawke regards Healer wonders if he might be able to answer that. 

“We do not dream, we are at peace even in death we would not traffic through you.” Healer gives her the only answer he can death is something he does combat with for his patients every time he is with them. 

“Fair enough, now my next pillar is Commitment? How do I learn that one?” Hawke is curious but they are interrupted by a Karasaad that will need stitches due to a blade through his shoulder. 

“Go I have this, it is time for your drills with Sten and his men.” Healer dismisses her and Hawke heads to the rings is pleased to see she is just in time to line up and practice with her blades. 

“Hawke stand here follow my voice.” Sten shows her where to stand steps back and starts the drills. “Step, Step, thrust slide. Hawke move your ass you are not where you should be.” 

“I can't step that far.” Whatever else she might say is knocked out of her as her ass hits the ground courtesy of a shove from Sten. 

“Peace Hawke, you will do what is required of you without speaking. You cannot speak for the rest of the day and night silence will be your counsel.” Hawke opens her mouth to protest shuts it at the look on Sten's face. 7Ft tall horned man more than capable of kicking her ass is telling her to shut up she will try. For all of their activity in the tub and arousal he treats her as a soldier out here, she loves that about him. 

She does well until she is with Arishok that night and he is asking her questions. “How did your training with Healer go?” 

Hawke opens her mouth to answer and shuts it with a snap. “Hawke?” Arishok asks looking up from the book he is reading to regard her.   
“She has been ordered to silence. I for one am happy about this.” Healer comes in with tea and dinner setting the basket on the table along with the tea. 

“Why?” Arishok asks getting up and moving the table sitting down as the food is served motioning Hawke to join them. 

“She failed to follow the drills, thought to give voice to her failure as an excuse. She did not accept nor did she try to change.” Healer is very critical of her and she is fighting a very childish desire to stick her tongue out at him. Sits in mutinous silence instead and eats not looking at either of the men. 

“Then her training is not going well.” Arishok summarizes causing Hawke to gasp in indignant rage. Takes a deep steadying breath and continues to eat. 

“She is on the path for Commitment but she's not there yet has decided to tackle another pillar instead.” Healer says this with just enough exasperation Hawke finally does look at him rolls her eyes at him. “How very human and very childish.”

“Enough Healer, you will not tease her when she cannot retaliate.” Arishok is amused, his voice a rumble of laughter and heat that makes her want to kiss him. Hawke could retaliate, Healer is well aware of her talents knows exactly what she could do to him if so inclined. “Hawke, come to me.” 

Hawke is off the chair and to him immediately dropping to her knees in front of him though his growl has her off her knees to regard him quietly. “Clear the plates.” Hawke is quick and efficient as she takes the plates and empty basket to the food tent handing the contents to a convert who smiles slightly. Returning to Arishok's tent he is by himself now crooks a finger to get her to come to him. She obliges sits in the seat offered. “Commitment is a hard pillar for all it is the first one; it is the first one because of the intent of it. You are committing to the Qun and it to you. This is a pillar you will challenge for your entire life as you grow in knowledge of the Qun and its demands change. But your first step, the step to accept the Qun has been done, time will show you the rest.” 

Hawke nods, she has a thousand questions and she can't ask any of them. Arishok cups her face rumbles as she turns her face and kisses his palm follows him as he gets up and gets ready for bed pulling her down with him as she settles on his chest falling asleep quickly.


	45. Unravel Me

When he'd given her the thread he had no idea how the careful braid she had presented him would unravel in the years of their relationship. It had been a way for him to learn more about this very private woman, a way for him to understand her. 

“Why are you handing me thread?” Hawke had asked as the Arishok had tried to hand her the colorful threads. They were of various lengths and textures. 

“You will weave these to represent your life, those people important to you and you will hold this carefully this is part of the Qun.” Arishok had offered her the thread again. 

“Alive, dead or both?” Hawke asks sorting the threads into more manageable piles. 

“Both, finish it and we will take those out that are dead.” Arishok had been surprised by the question, Hawke was young to have lost wonders how many she has managed to lose in such a short life. 

Mother,father,brother,sister,Varric,Fenris,Anders,Merrill, Isabella, Aveline, Gamlin,Vengeance, Justice, Sten, Healer and Arishok. She'd named each in her head had chosen one for Lothering another for Kirkwall she'd even included one for the Antaam. Her last threads had been Karasaad and the group of men she had lost to land here in the compound for the extended visit. When she hands the braid over he looks at it with a raised eyebrow waits for her to name the threads when she does not he sighs. 

“Trust Hawke, name them for me.” When she does he is proud of her doesn't correct her for putting places in there. “Name the dead and their importance to you. You must remove the named thread without unraveling the rest if you can.” 

Hawke takes the braid back from Arishok, places it on the table in front of her tracing each thread's path and looks back at him shaking her head. “It is not possible, where I would free some they would tangle with others in the process only if you cut the thread can you remove them from the whole. That is the Qun?” 

“No, for though I will fall I will be remembered for generations both through my contributions to the Qun as well as the children I sire. Though the Qun serves the whole each must do their part to ensure success.” 

Hawke looks at the braid again unknots the top and unravels the braid, “I will remove them and then braid it back making it stronger each time as the challenge of loss unravels us it is up to me to keep us together, to find new threads as well.” 

Arishok nods in agreement watches as she removes the threads one by one. “Father, I killed him the year after I became a Reaper. He was captured by Templars and made Tranquil, he made me swear if that ever happened to him I would kill him. It was my birthday, my brother and sister know I did it but my mother does not.” Hawke takes her dagger out cuts it loose from the rest of the threads leaving part of it in the bottom knot. 

“Bottom knot is your foundation, though you cut away the dead part of them still remain for you to remember and build upon.” 

“Brother, though he lives he will never be mine again. Lost him to the Wardens in the Deep Roads, I was forced between the choice of him going with them or reaping his soul. Mother still hasn't forgiven me.” Hawke removes his thread cuts it half the length it was but it will still be able to be partially braided in. On impulse she ties it to Merrill's twists the two to make one. “His wife, they were married only a few weeks before he had to go to the Wardens she is not allowed to join him. They take no brides, no titles, and no lands, are dead to their families usually.” 

Next is her sister's thread this one still brings a sting in her heart. “Sister, lost her scant weeks after Carver to Templars who slit her throat here in the Chantry because I tried to get her free. I failed her, I should have been able to get her free.”

Lothering and this one she does not mind cutting at all. “Lothering, lost this one to the darkspawn this is what forced me to here allowed me to find you and Kirkwall.” Finally is Karasaad, Arishok had named the men she had lost had been surprised how she told one thing about each of the men she had lost. “Karasaad, though he betrayed you and me I am thankful for his death for the wound I am still healing from now. Without him I'd never have landed here in this tent telling you all of this and looking at my sad little braid with all it's cut threads and wondering if it wouldn't be better for me to release them all.” 

“Why would you do that?” Arishok is curious about this, wonders what would push her to do that. 

“Odds are I will be cutting your thread as well Arishok, we both know I am not that old and I have failed every single cut thread on this braid. I am personally responsible for every single death and I do not wish for you to join them I don't want any of them to be cut but they will because you all are important to me.” He'd watched her patiently rebraid the threads, had felt her sadness as she did the task. When she'd been done he'd held her hand before finally pulling her to him wrapping her up as she'd cried for her dead, cried for the deaths she had yet to witness but knew she would.


	46. Name Me Yours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NSFW and FINALLY!

Hawke's next few days are a flurry of box, drills, tests on Qun and staying away from Sten when her traitorous body wants him so badly. She is still so badly mixed on if she wants to go or stay and her feelings for Sten and Arishok. She can sense Sten's confusion but knows he won't push her. Fenris sends her a new chest-piece and Hawke is dancing for joy wearing it. “Thank you Fenris.” Hawke says to herself. Fenris had not been allowed to see her and Hawke knows that's because the Arishok wants her to come to her own decisions. Any and all thoughts and decisions go out of her head when they are on another night raid against slavers.

It is several waves of them and Hawke is enjoying the play of her blades on the slavers skin and utterly lost in her blood lust. When it is over she is still looking for someone, something to kill. It's a full moon so the entire scene is played out in black and white and Hawke is watching Sten move through the bodies when he sees her and lets his breath out in a rush. He is on her in a moment pushing her against the rocks her legs wrapped around his waist as he licks and then traces teeth along her neck. Her hands are fisted in his hair keeping him close while she tries to breath. He is there and she needs, cupping his face she looks into his eyes and bites his lip drawing blood, maneuvering down to his neck and chest she bites again and again. 

He pulls her head away traces teeth down her neck and bites sending her over even as she is pushing and pulling at her armor and his. She gets her straps undone even as he is shredding her arm armor in his haste to get it off of her. When she is naked, moon highlighting her skin he takes a moment to really see her. He sends one finger and then another and finally a third as nails rake him and lips beg him. Finally he seats himself inside her biting again when she manages all of him and she keens at the pleasure pain of it. His men have gotten far enough away to not be affected by it but close enough to keep them safe. Their claiming is bloody and loud and everything he loves about this woman, this warrior queen who glories just as much in life as she does death and walks into his life and excels at it. As he empties she is kissing him and has her nails in his back keeping him close. Placing his head on her chest he is humming, trying to calm them both. 

“Little late for that Sten I think we were trying to kill each other before all the fireworks. Now I think I'm too exhausted to try.” He traces his bites on her with his tongue making her shiver again. 

“Dress and I will carry you back; you will need to see Healer in the morning.” Hawke nods and then frowns. 

“I do not know how much of this will be left over after I heal. Please know I would keep them if I could.” Sten smiles at that. 

“Here I thought after the lust was cleared you would be panicking and running for the hills.” 

“Only if you come with me, lead me commander. Point your enemies out and I will devastate them for you.” Hawke is pulling his horn to soothe him. She eventually releases him and puts her armor back on and gratefully accepts the ride back only turning absolutely crimson when Arvaarad glares at her. “I know I know Arvaarad control. I swear if you can teach it to me I will learn it but it's never stuck so good luck.” Sten chuckles at that and casts Arvaarad a glare. 

“Kadan, wake up.” Sten whispers and Hawke comes alert instantly and then snuggles back in when she does not sense any danger. “I can't take you into the Barracks with me and I can't let you return to Arishok claimed.” Sten is looking at her as she reaches up to soothe him. He is growling at his men and growling at the thought of Arishok being close to her as well. 

“Talk to me Sten, what is going on? Send the men to baths and bed they deserve their rest.” Hawke commands and Sten sends them on. “Now talk to me, how does this change things? Is it a territorial thing? Also you can put me down if you want.” Sten does but keeps her close not letting her go. 

“First few days after claiming it's a bit intense for the pair it’s our chance to truly claim each other and in the case of a couple who are asked for a child actually ensure that happens it's called the bonding; I won't be able to let you near any other males just as you wouldn't tolerate me near other females. I am actually glad we don't have any other females close, I do not think you would allow them to live.” 

“I wouldn't.” Hawke smiles, 

“In the meantime though we need to figure out a place to stay.” Sten is still growling and Hawke is trying to soothe him. 

“Healer, we can sleep in the tent tonight and work on living arrangements when it’s not the middle of the night.” Sten nods moving with her to the tent lights a candle hisses at her damage. “It will heal Sten I promise come to me I need my mate.” He is on her and in her in a moment this bout far less violent it is an apology and a promise which Hawke accepts. 

Healer can smell them both before he gets there in the morning. “Vasheden Hawke, Sten. I need to get to Hawke and we both know it. I am getting Arishok.” 

Arishok holds his hand up when Healer would explain when he gets there, “I am aware of what has happened. He needs to get her out of here, take her to one of the caves on the coast but I cannot have them here. Karasaad, restrain Sten.” Arishok is furious, can't show it and it takes four of them to get Sten out of the tent. Hawke is calm watches as Healer is reaching for her carefully, and noting every bite mark, every bruised hand print and every mark of claw. She looks like she was in a fight with Sten not a claiming which makes Healer nervous she might have been taken by force. 

“Hawke, you okay?” Healer asks and Hawke nods. 

“I'm fine, little banged up but nothing I didn't beg for. What do you need?” Healer snorts at the wording, not force just Hawke being Hawke then. 

“Need you to take this with you when you go to the coast and make sure you drink it every day unless you want a bouncing baby in 11 months? Also need you to make sure to drink enough water and actually eat food. Don't put anything other than water on your bite marks and wash with this every day to deal with the soreness and to keep from getting infection. “It's labeled in common so you can read it. I would have prepared you for this but looks like you prefer the hands on method, blessings on you both.” Hawke gets dressed and follows Healer out to see Arishok standing with Sten who is on his knees shoulders on the ground growling. 

“Sten, I am unharmed. Control, you will not attack these men they are no danger to me.” Hawke knows she needs him to calm down, to stand and prove he can function with her near him. “Arishok will make me stay behind if we can't do this, we cannot disrupt the mission, and we cannot be a hindrance to the Antaam.” 

“Let him go.” Arishok orders and the Karasaad do. Sten has his eyes closed, he needs calm. He needs to breathe. He's fine until Arishok reaches over and runs a claw down Hawke's back notices her wince, wonders how many wounds her armor is actually covering. 

“No Sten, you are not doing this. You would dare attack Arishok? His will is your will you will calm down.” Hawke is to him stroking his horns and Sten traces claws down her back. “Is there anything else Arishok?” 

“Yes, come to the spar arena. Karasaad follow.” Hawke has her hands on her weapons unsure if she should be ready to attack or not. 

“We can do this Kadan, he will not take you.” Sten promises quietly and Hawke nods. She is barely in the ring when the Karasaad's attack her. She is lighting on her feet despite her injuries and she lays open one of the Karasaad's arms and it just incites her more. Sten stands next to Arishok watching but also seeking other dangers. When Karasaad come at him Hawke glances but does not rush to him, does not offer her support. 

“Enough, they have proved their point. He keeps the claim all know Hawke belongs to Sten.” Arishok is bitter and Hawke sags with relief. “Go bond; be back when you are ready.” Sten takes the supplies offered and leaves with Hawke.

“You knew he would do that.” Sten remarks as they travel and she nods. 

“It's what I would do. I trust that you can handle yourself in a battle and will ask for help if needed and the same applies to me.” 

“You are correct, does this work?” Sten asks walking into the cave farther and she smiles. 

“This one has a fresh water stream in the back, we should be fine.” In the chamber with the water is enough ground to make a bed and not get wet. Hawke also likes the fact there is a couple of choke points in the tunnel that lead there to make ambush very hard. Hawke strips and heads into the shallow pool of water, it comes up to her hip standing and she sits and then lays down in it gasping as her injuries heal. 

“Your shoulder is complete and it looks like you are going to keep my bite mark on the other one as well, no idea what I was thinking when I landed that one.” Sten is in the water with her, keeps a hand on her. 

“I don't think either of us was,” Hawke answers tracing her bite marks on his chest. When he turns Hawke lets out a breath. “Sorry about the back, no idea I liked that sort of thing.” 

“Nothing I did not expect when claiming you. Give me your worst Kadan, I can take it.” Hawke smiles at this. 

“I might take you up on that challenge Sten. What does Kadan mean?” 

“Heart or as close as you can get in common, means all those poetic things humans like to call each other.” Hawke tilts her head and smiles. 

“Kadan it is then should make it easy when we get around more Stens.” 

“No, no more males around you please for now that took all of my control not to kill them all for touching you.” Sten is kissing her and laying her down on their bed. He fully intends to enjoy his Kadan for the time they can have.

Those 3 days Hawke learns more about the Qun, her place in it the rules of their relationship, and the sex. Sten is a patient lover, his laugh when she'd admitted her lack of experience had been teasing. “You are mine and I am yours Kadan, no others will touch you no others will please you. We will teach each other.” She'd not asked about his experience had not been sure she could handle the information and he'd not offered. 

Three days later they report to the Arishok and he gives her permission to go and come as she sees fit. “You need to see Healer first.” Arishok intones sees Hawke tense, sees Sten tense as well. “Sten you need to check in with your men, you have neglected your duties to them long enough.” Sten nods does not touch Hawke knows she is Karasaad right now not Kadan. 

Arishok follows Hawke to the Healer's tent watches as she strips is surprised at the bite on her shoulder being the only thing showing she's bedding a Qunari, Sten's been careful. “I am fine Arishok, Healer I would not have allowed him to truly harm me.” 

“Hawke you looked like you had lost an unarmed fight against him; he cracked three of your ribs, you had extensive injuries. Did you take your potions?” Healer asks. 

“Yes, I will not have his children Healer. I will not be less than a member of the Antaam I am Karasaad, Tamassran not whatever you call a carrying woman.” Hawke crosses her arms bare her teeth when Arvaarad comes in with a mage.

“No! I will not submit to Saarebas, Arishok no.” Hawke is reaching for weapons Healer catches her hands makes her release the blade she is holding. 

“Easy Hawke, I have to make sure you have a Saarebas as a companion you cannot tell me you fear them.” Healer is trying to reason with her as he holds her against him one arm holding her arms the other pinning her legs against him. Arishok is frowning but doesn't interfere. 

“Anders is a friend and I wouldn't allow him to do this either, let me go Healer.” Hawke doesn't like the Qunari Saarebas, they freak her out with their sewn lips and since Ketojan she really doesn't like them. 

“Yassin, settle down otherwise you will have Sten in here.” Arishok sees the confusion on her face at that silent communication between him and Healer over her struggling head. Arishok walks to her hums watches as Hawke settles out of habit. “I am here Yassin, Saarebas will not hurt you, this will be over shortly and you can get out of the compound for the night.” 

Hawke settles knows she needs to get out of the compound, needs to check in with family and friends. When she nods Arvaarad approaches allows the Saarebas to pass his hand over her showing no child. Healer releases her allowing Hawke to step to Arishok pressing her forehead to his and placing a hand on his chest. “Hi, thank you for letting me out of the compound I will be back before dawn.” Arishok twitches his lips at her resists the urge to pull her close nods and leaves the tent as she gets dressed still glaring at Healer. “How often do we have to do the Saarebas thing?” 

“We don't unless you think you might be carrying. It is standard to make sure the couple doesn't or does come back with child as required.” Healer hands her a boot by tossing it at her smiles when she scowls at him. 

Hawke heads to the estate and reassures her mother she is not dead. A drop into the Hanged Man leads to a merry round of catch Hawke up and worry her all of her friends are insane. When the sun is deciding to be a real promise Hawke is back to the compound and slides into the bed next to Sten. “She goes there every night, about dawn and is there for part of the day and then comes back out. I don't understand it Varric.” Fenris says scrubbing his face in frustration. Fenris is happy to see her out of the compound but that she returns frequently is disturbing. 

“Hawke keeps her own counsel Fenris, let her go or drag her back either way stop bitching about it.” Varric is surprised by his own vehemence but smiles to take the sting out of the words. 

“Maybe I should take Isabella up on her offer again.” Fenris says and Hawke is standing there and Varric sees the smile that crosses her face before she guards it and spins and heads to the bar. “Of course she would hear me say that.” Fenris sighs and shaking his head. Hawke returns with tankards and shots for herself. 

“I need help with a problem.” Hawke hands the drinks to them and downs some of her shots. 

“Okay what do you need?” Varric asks arching an eyebrow. 

“Athenrial tried to kill me when I was in the compound, used a nasty poison on me.” 

“I thought you sorted that out weeks ago Hawke.” Fenris says in surprise. 

“I was occupied with other pursuits like earning my blades back before I could do anything about her.” 

“Worthy pursuit that, ironically she made you that chest-piece you are wearing right now.” Fenris admits and Hawke looks down at the armor with a puzzled look. 

“Well that confuses things mightily.” Hawke sighs deeply. “Never mind then, guess I will be hunting answers tonight.” 

“Care for company?” Varric asks and Hawke nods.

“If you've no other plans I would welcome your assistance.”

Hunting leads them absolutely horribly nowhere. Athenrial seems to have disappeared out of the city. As she strips off her armor and clothing to get ready for bed Sten smiles. Their quarters are simple, bed table and armor stands. Neither Sten nor Hawke require more though Hawke pilfers books from Arishok on occasion and lends him some as well. 

“I need you to hear me out about this.” Hawke is holding her hand out to Varric and Fenris who between the two of them have managed to take all of Hawke’s weapons. 

“We are all ears on why you continue to go back to the compound after you walked out of there.” Varric has his arms crossed glaring at Hawke. Fenris is blocking the door doesn’t relax his ready to attack pose as Hawke paces between them. Hawke starts unbuckling her chest armor her fingers quick on the releases. “Whoa Hawke, I know you missed the modesty gene but stripping is not getting you out of here.” Varric is turning around as Hawke gets the chest piece off strips the leather undertunic off as well. 

“Hawke.” Fenris’ breath goes out in a rush. Varric turns and looks at the mark on her shoulder. 

“Wait what does that mean?” 

“Arishok?” Fenris asks Hawke shakes her head no. “It means when they leave she goes with them, she’s been mated to one of them.” Fenris walks towards Hawke catches her chin as she would look away. “Did you choose this?” 

Hawke pulls away from him smiles and nods. “I did, it’s been a few weeks now.” 

“Explains the cinnamon smell I am happy for you.” Fenris steps away from her. 

“Mated? What exactly does that mean?” Varric shakes his head. 

“Means he is my husband, he is my kadan heart and I am his means if either of you say a word about this I will kill you both. I won’t lose him, I can’t risk him.” 

“Wait you married a 7ft tall horned man?” Varric is surprised and intrigued.

“Yes, he lets me fight beside him. He makes me happy Varric, I've never had the feeling before and I think I'll stick with it.” Hawke smiles again and Varric nods.

Hawke is laying on Arishok reading with him when Sten comes in, it is not a good night. “Kadan.” Sten bites out and Hawke looks at him moving the book a little, Arishok moves the book but when Hawke elbows him getting up he sees Sten’s face, smells the fury. She grabs her armor off the stand next to Arishok’s hears the growls. Dropping the armor she goes to him immediately; up on tip toe she pulls him down, pulls the shirt off her shoulder showing his mark. His reaction is immediate and feral as he puts his teeth to the mark but does not bite hard enough to break the skin. When he releases her she picks up her armor and follows him to their tent. 

“What did I do incorrect?” Hawke asks when they get home. 

“Bedroll.” Hawke is to the bedroll and out of her clothing in a moment. Only after they lay panting on each other does Sten answer her question. “I know where Arishok made you sleep when you first got here.” 

“You know that we never, even the teeth thing. He may have had me try and sleep there but mostly I sat in the dark watching him sleep. I couldn’t sleep with him in the tent; it was why I was going so long without it. I never trusted him enough to sleep Sten, never.” Hawke is lying but can't bring herself to admit the truth. 

“Then do as you like. How did you know to allow me to bite you?” 

“Cause I get the urge to bite you when we go near the converts and I see the females looking at you.” Hawke admits and Sten laughs at that. 

“It is normal behavior for Kossith, not any others.”

“Maybe I had a Kossith ancestor; I am definitely down for the biting and blood.” Hawke shrugs her shoulders. Gasps as Sten bites gently is more than ready for their next round. His mind returns to the fact she lied about Arishok though, he and Arishok need to talk.

“Arishok.” 

“Sten.” 

“She is mine.” Sten can't look at Arishok when he says this though when Arishok doesn't answer he does look at his Commander. 

“She is Yassin.” Arishok is in his face, temper is gone and both of them are trying to calm down. “Your disobedience should cost your life.”

“If that is Arishok's wish.” 

“You know it is not, I need you we have much to plan.”

“She is Yassin.” Sten finally admits bowing his head and leaving.


	47. White Lillies

Aveline sends Hawke a note asking for her help with something. When Hawke shows up Aveline closes the door of her office and smiles at Hawke. “No idea what you are doing but keep doing it. I don’t think I have ever seen you this happy.” Hawke smiles at the assessment and knows it’s true. “Care to tell me why you are so happy? Did you get back together with Fenris?” 

Hawke arches an eyebrow at that. “Aveline, you know I don’t talk about my personal life, Fenris and I are over and have been for years. City is holding together kind of, Arishok is happy which makes me happy cause that means he isn’t trying to kill us all and my mother has about given up on marrying me off.” Hawke isn’t twirling one of her blades, she is sitting on Aveline’s desk and the Captain is sitting at the desk looking up at her. “Now why did you want to see me? If you wanted to ask me about personal stuff I wouldn’t have wasted my time coming to see you.” 

“Fair enough, I need you to talk to Emeric he is making my life hell saying all the deaths over the past five years are related with the women. We’ve looked but we can’t find any connection.” Aveline smiles patiently. 

“I’ll talk to him.” Hawke leaves sending a runner to get Varric on the way to the Gallows. When Varric shows up they walk in silence for a bit both comfortable with it or at least Hawke is. 

“How’s Sten?” Varric asks and Hawke smiles fingers absently tracing the mark on her shoulder. She doesn’t answer though and Varric shakes his head at that. “You’d think after over 5 years of knowing one another you’d at least answer a simple question.” 

“I’ll answer any question you want so long as it doesn’t have anything to deal with my personal life. You’d think you would know that by now Varric. However I am in an exceptionally good mood today so I will say my Kadan is fine, I am fine and it’s an awesome day.” Hawke is nearly skipping and Varric is truly surprised. 

“Okay, I am so used to scary you I am not sure what to do with happy you.” Varric nearly jumps out of his skin when Fenris responds, “Enjoy it and make sure nothing dampens it.” 

“Broody, you need to make noise when you come up behind me, nearly gave me a heart attack.” Varric scowls at Fenris as the elf leans close to Hawke and sniffs. 

“Now that is a heady mix, what is going on that has you this excited?” Fenris asks and Hawke beams at him. 

“I get to go raiding with Sten and his men, we are headed to Antiva. I’ll only be gone a couple of weeks but it’s the first time I’ve been allowed to go.” Hawke confides and Fenris smiles. 

“You do know you are supposed to convert not kill right?” Fenris finally says and Hawke scowls at him,

“I know that Fenris, why you Healer, Arishok and Sten all think I need the constant reminder is beyond me.” Hawke rolls her eyes in effect as well. 

“Just making sure you understand the parameters of the mission Hawke, having survived a couple of those attacks do be careful please.” Fenris runs fingertips down her arm. 

“Emeric.” Hawke greets the Templar when they get there and the man nods and frowns when Hawke asks him about the murders. 

“I have a very strong suspicion a noble by the name of Gaspard DuPuis is behind the murders. He sends them white lilies the day before he takes them and then kills them.” 

“I’ll see if I can find him and deal with it Emeric.” Hawke assures the man and he nods. 

“You might want to bring a mage for this confrontation.” Fenris suggests and Hawke arches an eyebrow.

“You think this is magic related?” Hawke asks and Fenris nods. 

“Does Sten know about you and Broody?” Varric asks and Hawke frowns slightly. 

“Yes, Sten is aware of my past. Fenris is no threat to him; he would kill him if he thought he was. Fenris is my Arvaarad, Sten knows I need one and he cannot be out in the city with me on a regular basis.” 

“What is an Arvaarad and why do you need one?” Varric asks. 

“Anchor, Fenris keeps me from going too far off the deep end. You know how bad that can be Varric.” Varric shudders at the thought and Hawke nods as they arrive at Merrill’s house. 

“Want to come visit a stuffy noble and maybe rescue a few damsels in distress?” Hawke offers as greeting and Merrill nods. 

As they step into the mansion Hawke bares her teeth and Merrill flares her nostrils. “Demons and shades, oh how fun.” Hawke says and they make their way through the house. There is a note on the desk from the Knight Commander apologizing for Emeric; there is also a trunk of women’s clothes that sets Fenris’ teeth on edge. This is a Mansion that is lived in, it’s in decent shape with cloth over the furniture and Hawke suspects the house is empty for the season. 

Gaspard is in the library, its doors thrown open to a spectacular view of Kirkwall at night with the stars twinkling. There is a blonde woman there who screams when she sees Hawke and group. “This is not what it looks like.” Gaspard says and Hawke crosses her arms and tilts her head to the side, “This I have to hear.” 

“I am not the killer, he killed my sister and I am looking for him too. This woman Alessa received the flowers and I grabbed her before he could.” 

“He hurt me, he took my blood. My name is Alessa” Hawke feels Fenris’ reaction to that and drops her hands to her blades. 

“Silly girl, if you would not by so hysterical I wouldn’t hurt you. I told you I took the blood so I could track you if he got a hold of you.” Gaspard explains and Hawke believes him. 

“Let the girl go Gaspard, Alessa go to the guard they can keep you safe.” Alessa runs from the room and Hawke shakes her head at Gaspard. “Convince me not to kill you.” Hawke says and Gaspard crosses his arms. 

“Each of the women are given white lilies before he grabs them. He has been doing this for years, I have managed to track him here after he killed my sister but I can’t draw him out. I can help you if you let me.” 

Hawke frowns slightly and debates the story in her head. “Fine, I will see what I can find out Gaspard, do not cross me. You will not like the results.” Gaspard nods moves to leave. 

“I will be in Darktown if you manage to track him down.” Hawke nods and they leave. 

“You let him go?” Emeric asks and Hawke nods and he shrugs, “If you believe him than I will have to continue my search.” Hawke nods and leaves splitting from the rest of the group to head back to the compound.


	48. Gifts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NSFW 
> 
> Song is Make it Rain by Ed Sheeran

Since Hawke had joined him in the compound there was not a night or day she did not see him that he had woken up and she not been there. Instinct had him reach to her side of the bed, when his hand came up with nothing, when he realized her pillow is cold he is instantly alert. Her armor is not on her stand, there is no tea laid for them either. Fear real and utterly out of character grip him for his Kadan. Thoughts she might be with Arishok do not bring comfort as he hoped. His morning routine varies slightly, reverting back to what it had been before as he applies vitaar and leaves to run with his men. Seeing Arishok near the rings after his run does nothing to assuage his fear only makes it more palpable. “Yassin?” Arishok asks to which Sten shakes his head no. “Then she is not here.” Sten shakes his head no. 

“Arishok, Fenris is here to speak with you.” Karasaad informs, 

“Yassin?” Arishok asks. 

“She did not come back to the compound last night, not by any gate or wall; she has not been seen since yesterday.” 

Arishok walks towards the gate, “maybe the elf will give insight.” 

“Arishok?” Fenris seems surprised to see him. 

“You did not ask for me?” Arishok shares the confusion.

“No, I asked for Yassin came to give her this.” Fenris offers the package Sten smells the vanilla and elfroot it’s her favorite. 

“She is not here.” Sten offers.

“So she would run from you too today, good to know she still hasn’t changed.” 

“Explain.” Arishok orders, Yassin would not run from anything least of all her Kadan. She’d never run from him either, to yes from no. 

“No Arishok, when she shows up she can explain or not as she sees fit.” 

“This is a gift for Kadan? This day is important then, why?” 

Fenris shakes his head no again, “It is important to her but I would never tell you why Sten you know how private she is. If she wanted you to have the information she would have told you.” Sten nods thinks what this day could mean to her. 

“Is she at the estate?” Sten asks and Fenris shakes his head no. 

“She won’t go anywhere near the estate today, she’ll hole up somewhere and be back to normal in the morning.” Sten takes the package walks with Arishok back to his tent places the present on the nightstand. 

“It’s her birthday.” Arishok says it quietly, carefully eyes Sten as he says it. 

“I thought birthdays were a big deal to humans, presents celebration fanfare none of which Kadan would like but she would tolerate it why would she hide?” Sten walks out of the tent with Arishok following him to his tent sees breakfast has been brought and joins Arishok at the table to eat. 

“I agree with Fenris on this, I may be wrong as well about her birthday.” They eat in silence for a bit. 

“I would find her Arishok, she is my Kadan I do not find the elf’s assurance enough.” Arishok nods goes to deal with his day. 

Sten heads to the tavern first, insight from the dwarf would be welcome. “She’s not here Sten, I might see her tomorrow if the stars align perfectly.” 

Sten frowns at the metaphor. “Not possible.” 

Varric chuckles at that, “Exactly, give her this when you see her though.” It is a small package no bigger than the palm of his hand and Sten places it in his pouch. 

“Why is she receiving gifts? What is important about today?” Sten is curious wants to see if the dwarf will give up more information. 

“Ask her.” It’s the standard reply when dealing with her companions, Sten admires his Kadan’s group every single one of them fiercely loyal and unwavering in their support and utterly terrified of her. “I have not seen her since yesterday morning, when was the last time you saw her?” Sten   
asks instead. 

“Last night for dinner Merchant’s Guild thing but that was right after sunset. She is not in the city Sten; she’d not take a chance at being found today.” When Sten glares at the dwarf Varric shakes his head no. 

“Glower all you want Sten, she is way scarier than you are.” 

Not in the city, then it hits him where she is or at least where he thinks she is. When he gets to the cave he hesitates, if he goes in she is just as likely to run from him as to tell him why this day she would hide. Sten is walking away when she starts singing it is a sad lament and his feet will not obey him to leave, to walk away from his Kadan when she is so sad. 

When the sins of my father  
Weigh down in my soul  
And the pain of my mother  
Will not let me go  
Well I know there can come fire from the sky  
To refine the purest of kings  
Even though  
I know this fire brings me pain  
Even so  
And just the same

Make it rain  
Make it rain down low  
Just make it rain  
Make it rain  
Make it rain  
Make it rain down low  
Just make it rain  
Make it rain

And the seed needs the water  
Before it grows out of the ground  
But it just keeps on getting hotter  
And the hunger more profound  
Well I know there can come tears from their eyes  
But they may as well be in vain  
Even though  
I know these tears bring me pain  
Even so  
And just the same  
And the seas are full of water  
That stop by the shore  
Just like the riches of grandeur  
That never reach the port

So let the claps fill with thunderous applause  
And let thy death be the veins  
And fill the sky  
With all that they can drop  
When it's time  
To make a change

When her voice dissolves into tears he walks into the cave. Hawke’s greeting is knives and bared teeth her face still wet with tears as she puts the blades up and launches into his arms. Sten just holds her, wonders why she would be so sad on a day she is supposed to get gifts and celebrate. 

“You did not come home last night.” Sten admonishes when she seems to settle a bit causing her to chuckle. 

“I am crying and you are growling at me for making you sleep on your own.” Hawke laughs a little more when she sees his vitaar, “had to put on your own paint too oh the horrors!” 

Sten nods, “Arishok was more cross than I was, you prepare tea for him as well? Here I thought I was your Kadan.” 

Hawke rolls her eyes at him, “You are Kadan, he is… Arishok.” Hawke finally answers. Sten keeps her where she is on his lap for a time neither speaking. Sten won’t push for answers and Hawke is thankful for that. Eventually she wiggles free from him and stands. 

“I need to return this to Fenris and I will be home.” 

“Varric gave me this to give to you.” Sten takes the package out watches her demeanor change drastically from happy to sad in a heartbeat. 

“Did he give you a reason for the gift?” Hawke asks doesn’t take the package from Sten’s hand. 

“Said to ask you.” Sten doesn’t retract the gift lets the various scents tell him what he wants to know. She’s furious, happy, sad and scared. “You fear I will ask you what today is, you fear I will judge you when you tell me or don’t. Tell me or not as is your way Kadan, You will tell me what you   
want when you want how you want and I will decide what to do or not based on the situation. I would never force you Kadan.” This and a hundred other reasons is why she loves him his ability to accept her no matter what his ability to approach her on her level. 

Hawke takes the gift but doesn’t open it slides it into a pouch takes a steadying breath. “Today is my birthday. It is also the day I killed my father, his was the first soul I ever had to harvest.” 

“How old were you?” Sten asks wonders how long his Kadan has weighed her soul with others how long has she been hunting. 

“14.” She is standing with the lute in her hand her grip on the neck one of desperation. 

“I will see you when you come home.” He is pulling her close tipping her chin up to kiss her hums when she goes pliant against him. 

When she does get back to the compound she is escorted to Arishok in his tent. When the Karasaad leave Arishok is to her his eyes doing a visual once over she is okay before he lets his fury show. “Strip.” Hawke does, her fingers get the buckles and straps undone quickly usually the show of his mark calms Arishok not tonight though. 

When she takes too long getting out of her pants he shreds them with his claws his hand laying pinpricks on her ass as the other bends her over the table, “do not let go of the table Yassin.” Fingers are in, a quick inventory to make sure he won’t hurt her much. When he seats himself in one rough stroke Hawke bites back on the pain on the tears that prick her eyes as his tempo is brutal and harsh. “Never again Yassin, never again will you not come home. Mine Yassin, you are mine say it.” He had feared for her, afraid she had left afraid she would not come back. Qunari do not fear, they master their fear and that is what he is doing now. 

“Yours Arishok, I am yours.” His release is the pop of her skin under his canines as he bites his claim over her whispered in her ear as he continued to thrust not relenting. He is still only for a moment pulling out to catch her carrying her to the bed before he is in again his teeth back on his mark as he works her slower, softer allows her to react to him to enjoy him. Claws that had torn are replaced with fingers that soothe when she is close he whispers his claiming words over her his bite gentle as is hers when she repeats the words feels them echo inside her pulling her over into her orgasm his name a chant as she keeps rolling her hips to meet his. Eventually he calms down, allows her to stop. 

“Open this.” He hands her the small package the movement causing both a moan and wince as she straddles him. When the necklace fills her hand she looks at him with questions, this was not the work of a day he had planned this. “It marks you as Yassin and worthy it is your name, an affirmation of what and who you are to me and the Qun.” 

After she puts it on she kisses him soundly hugging him. “Arishok thank you, best present ever.” 

He’d hummed approval when she’d put it on, knew she would not take it off. “You will thank Sten as well, it was his idea, most Yassin wear dresses their marks clear to see but you do not this is a way to claim you.” 

Hawke cuts off the rest of his words before she thinks too much about them kisses him and places her forehead on his. “I did not mean to worry you; I did not mean to anger you. I will not do that again.” Arishok glowers at her traces hands up and down her sides notices the wince. Lifting her gently off of him he watches her go to the wash basin watches as she cleans up his jaw is clenched at the marks on her skin. Theirs is an exercise in control for both of them, their goal pleasure only no pain and he had failed on occasion had never allowed her to fail at it. His claw marks on her sides a point of arousal as well as shame seeing the claw marks on her ass the cut on the rib bruises everywhere yeah Sten is going to be furious with him. 

She moves carefully as she gets pants from the stash in his tent turns away to hide an expletive as she puts on a boot and loses her balance having to bounce. “I truly injured you this time, Yassin.” 

Hawke shakes her head no pulls tunic on and then chestpiece and bracers. “I am fine Arishok truly I would not let you hurt me beyond my ability to heal. I will bathe and then head to Sten I will see you in the morning.” 

As she slides into the water she is fighting tears, he’d cracked at least one of her ribs, and breathing hurts there is not a piece of her that is not hurting. Angry Arishok is a beast she enjoys taunting, enjoys with every fiber of her being but on occasion she forgets just how powerful that beast can be and how human her body really is. 

“Kadan.” Shit is all she can think as Sten slides into the water with her reaches for her even as she retreats from him. 

“Stop Kadan, give me a moment…ouch!” Sten has caught her lifts her out of the water to see the damage his hum of soothing dissolving into a rumbling growl that reminds Hawke of a dragon seeing his horde has been touched. 

“Control seems to be a pillar you both have issues with.” Each word of the phrase is bitten out between tightly clenched teeth his grip on her tender as he gently places her back in the water hangs onto her as her skin knits back together and her breathing becomes easier as she coughs up the blood from the cracked ribs. 

“Nothing you haven’t done to me as well Kadan if you are comparing notes.” Hawke shuts her mouth with a snap sinks into the water in embarrassment. “I didn’t I, Kadan.” She is to him as he regards her, his face unreadable even as she touches him runs a hand up and down his arm before throwing her arms around him. “I’m sorry Kadan, I did not mean to say that I did not mean to imply you hurt me or that I prefer.” 

Sten kisses her then that is not a conversation they can have, that they will ever have. “He gave you the necklace.” 

Hawke nods and kisses him again, “Thank you, I love it.” Sten hangs onto her as the rest of her wounds heal, washes her and purrs as she washes him. When they are back in their tent and Hawke has unwrapped Fenris’ present and Varric’s she lays down with Sten. Varric’s gift of earrings had made her smile knows she won’t wear them often but she shows them to Sten holds them up to his face smiling. 

“I do not wear earrings Kadan, Arishok holds my pillars.” 

“I know but these stones, sapphires remind me of your eyes. They are my favorite.” She’d put the earrings down then, snuggled to sleep with him though decides to place her head on her hand her other tracing circles on Sten’s chest. “What would happen if I became pregnant?” 

Sten’s gaze had jumped to her his body rigid. When she thinks he is not going to answer he finally lets out a breath, “Do you think you are?” She shakes her head no is surprised when he cups her face his body pressing hers into the bed his eyes studying hers, “Kadan I am not kidding do you think you are?” 

Hawke shakes her head no again, “I would not joke about such a thing Kadan besides would you not be able to smell the difference?” His emotions are all over the place she can't gauge anything from them. 

“Yes but we will have Sarebaas check you in the morning.” Hawke can’t help the shudder of fear that goes over her at the thought of the Sarebaas. 

“What would happen if I was?” Hawke pushes needs this answered. 

“You would be sent to Par-Vollen; you would bear the child and be subject to the Qun.” Sten eases off of her pulls her back to his chest keeping her trapped there. 

“What about the child? What about you?” 

“My place is with the Antaam Kadan, you would not keep the child that is not our way.” 

Hawke frowns at this, “But I would be returned to you, I am your mate.” 

“I don’t know.” Sten can’t tell her what she wants to hear she would be subject to the Qun her return to him based on her performance, her reaction though is visceral and primal as her nails dig into his chest her mouth tracing over her mark. 

“Mine Sten, they will not part me from you I will not give you up.” Arms hold her tight, he feels the same. 

After his run he heads to Arishok’s tent knows Hawke is there sees her painting vitaar strokes even and efficient when she steps back Arishok places his forehead on hers a hum of approval as she puts the paint away sees him there and arches an eyebrow before going to the armor stand to get Arishok’s armor. When Arishok is dressed Hawke walks to Sten greets him with a forehead rub and a chaste kiss. “Go now Kadan, I will have the answer before you pick up your blades again.” Hawke sighs is caught by her hair, “Kadan.” Her reach for the blade is predictable even as it is met with a growl. “Kadan obey.” Hawke finally nods and leaves the tent as Sten looks to Arishok who has his arms crossed an arched brow the only emotion on the face. 

“She asked what would happen if she carried. She said she was not but I want Sarebaas to check her anyways.” Arishok is grabbing weapons and striding out of the tent. “Arishok?” Sten is quick to follow as he beelines for the tent. 

“She hates Sarebaas, fights against it every time Healer had to physically restrain her when we checked last time.” 

This time is no different as Hawke bares her teeth at Arvaarad and Healer who sports cuts from her nails. “I thank you for the no blades Sten but maybe next time you can tell her to submit quietly.” Healer gripes as Sten and Arishok come in Hawke traces fingers over her blades she wants to pull them so badly her need to obey Sten almost overrode by her fear of the Sarebaas. 

“Sten, I am not carrying please.” 

“Sten leave.” Arishok orders watches as Sten debates the order his lifetime of service debatable for the comfort of his mate. Arishok’s growl does have him out of the tent even as Arishok is walking towards Hawke he is humming, the effect instant as her hands lower her posture one of submission. “Come to me Yassin, you are safe I will not let Sarebaas hurt you. We need to check though, let us do this and you can have your blades no matter the outcome.” 

Healer is at attention on that, “Arishok.” If she carries she won’t pick up her blades again until she’s mastered the Qun. 

“Come to me Yassin, you can have your blades.” Hawke steps to him his hand wants to hook her close wants to run his teeth down her neck instead he catches her hands behind her back spinning and pulling her flush against him his other hand blocking her legs nods as Sarebaas approaches feels her tense smells her fear hums to calm her when sweat breaks out on her brow knows her fingers are clenched so hard she will have marks on the palms. 

“She does not carry, thank you Arvaarad.” Healer waves the men away. 

“You may keep your blades Hawke join Sten.” Hawke is out the door without a backwards glance at either Healer or Arishok. 

“If she’d carried.” Arishok waves away Healer’s comment. 

“It is not if it is when because she will, she is Yassin.” 

“She is Sten’s.” 

“She is Yassin, she will carry she will rule she cannot be less.” 

Healer doesn’t answer, he agrees with Arishok about Hawke she who was born outside of the Qun embraces it, lives it, and teaches it as if she has always known it. Arigena and Ariqun both are aware of Hawke, her skills her commitment both see the advantage of getting her into power they just haven’t figured out how. 

Instead of heading to Sten she heads for their tent armor is stripped, blades placed on their holder boots are off until she sits in tank and pants Sten’s dagger is in her hand as she sits with her knees pulled up Sten’s pillow between her body and legs arms wrapped around it as she places her forehead on it hot tears streaking her cheeks. 

“Kadan?” She takes a steadying breath before looking at him her dagger clutched tightly he would say her swords were her souls, she would say this dagger is. He wears a matching one, far too tiny for him to wield with any skill beyond eating with but she had given it to him after he’d claimed her. It had been her answer to rings and he’d laughed at the notion. “You did not come to the rings, since your blade is in your hand I take it you are not carrying why the tears then?” 

He sits next to her knows she will toss the pillow and crawl into his lap her need for comfort from him far outweighs anything else even speech. He is one of three men that can offer physical comfort without getting a blade in the gut the only one she actively would seek comfort from. “Do you want to carry?” 

Hawke is stiff in his arms stops her rub on him grips the dagger harder before putting it up. “Not if I can’t stay with you, not if there is a chance they would separate us. I have lost too much, too many to risk it Kadan. But I do want children eventually; it is a mixed bag of emotions and with yesterday being what it was I think I am just a bit overwhelmed. What woman thinks please don’t let me pregnant, and if I am please don’t let me carry to term? My mother would be delighted for grandchildren, she is pushing hard for me to marry and settle and I can only think please no and I have to deal with all the other jobs that pay the bills and ugh I am really whiny today.” 

Sten kisses her hair places his chin on her head. “I’d tell you peace but you tend to have violent tendencies towards the word.” Hawke snorts and chuckles at that. “So I’ll offer you a few Karasaad to take out some aggression on, they are convinced you are not human but a demon for their own personal torture session.” 

Hawke is really laughing at that, “Is violence your answer for any issues with me?” 

“I can think of other distractions.” Sten tips her chin up and kisses her until she is moaning. 

“Can I get both?” 

Sten kisses her again stops when she is completely pliant to him. “Violence now and I will finish that later, men are only on break long enough to eat before afternoon sessions. Not enough time to finish this.” Sten is off the bed waiting for her as she gets dressed ignores her playful dance.


	49. -Antiva-

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NSFW

Terror, absolute wonderful and delicious terror races for them and the feeling is amazing. Carver and her had both been at Ostregar when Loghain had failed the king. With blades dripping more darkspawn blood then she’d thought possible she had found Carver and told him they needed to leave. “Too many sister, I agree. Find Beth and let’s get out of here.” Hawke had found Bethany mere steps from her brother and the three had raced back to Lothering. Desperate fleeing men do terrible things, these men were no different as in their bid to get away from the darkspawn they fell on each other. “Loose your magic sister.” Carver had asked and she did. 

Hawke is almost stumbling with the amount of souls she is carrying and slides down a tree trying to breath. When she signals her brother he and Bethany crowd close knows Hawke just needs a few minutes to sort and deal with the crush of souls. “You are doing very well my reaper. Come to me.” Hawke grits her teeth against the pain of the demon grabbing her neck, anywhere he touches leaves red angry welts it is to be expected really. When she is being very good and bringing him enough souls the demon is very nice, will let some of the souls heal her welts, any and all of his damage to her. 

“Kadan, wake.” Hawke opens her eyes fingers on weapons she doesn’t have as she looks at the beloved visage of Sten. “Your dreams disturb you?” Lips trace her face fingers light mini flames as her body reacts to Sten will always react to him. 

“Not enough to worry about.” Hawke answers between kisses fingers trace scars her body answering his request to open and allow him to knead the inside of her thighs a hum soaking into her skin relaxing her as she nips under his chin then lick farther down. 

His weight is off her in a moment chuckling at her protest, “Up Kadan, we have converts to attend to.” Hawke rolls stretches suggestively earning a hum from Sten that turns into a moan as she sits on her knees finger combing her hair keeping Arishok’s mark covered but allowing his to show. “Kadan…” Is strangled out when she looks up at him licking her lips. Sten turns away focusing on getting his armor on which has Hawke up and buckling the chestpiece to him smoothing buckles with quick fingers rather than turn back to her and take the customary kiss knowing she is naked Sten walks out the cold morning breeze setting her skin to prickling as she too gets dressed. Weapons on, Hawke joins the rest of the group stays still as Karasten checks her armor, tucks a strap in earning a growl from her. 

“Karasaad, you will be still.” Hawke tightens a buckle on Karasten knowing he will need it earning a growl herself which has her arching an eyebrow. “Seems we both need to be still.” Karasten admits earning a smile from her. Armor and weapons checked they head into the woods Karasten calls for a stop, looking at the fishing village in front of them Hawke watches carefully. She sees the rope between the villagers as they are led by another man. 

“Tevinters.” Sten whispers runs a hand down Hawke’s arm she moves to him instinctively he is distracted which isn’t like him. 

“Sten?” He points to another group of Tevinters and then another group of Qunari. 

“This isn’t right, Arishok only sent us.” 

Karasten joins them, “What do you want to do Sten?” 

“They were here first, let’s see what they want to do, they may be Tal-Vashoth.” Words are no sooner out of his mouth than the other group of Qunari are charging their Sarebaas casting and the Tevinters are answering. 

“Get the villagers out of here, get them to the beach.” Sten tells Karasten looks at Hawke, “Let’s help this group with the Tevinters, hunt only the Tevinters Karasaad.” Hawke nods and joins the fray cutting down the soldiers that cross her along with the mages. Sten had not told her she should accept surrender so she doesn’t she does herd the humans who race to her to Karasten. Switching back and forth between Antivan and Qunari she watches Sten take a mage bolt to the shoulder her blades finding the mage before a blade finds her own arm. Hawke ducks as a Karasaad takes the head of the attacker and she is next to him the pair feeding off of each other their movements fluid and practiced as the rest of the soldiers fall. 

Hawke reads the approaching Sten’s marking quickly salutes him as he sees the necklace salutes as well. “Yassin, Sten Anaam esaam Qun.” Hawke nods and answers Karasten’s summons follows him as they head back to the beach. 

“They do not understand me.” 

When Hawke gets to the humans she is hugged, petted and touched “Stop! Enough!” Hawke untangles herself is thankful for the growl of one of the Karasaad that has the humans cowering again. “You are Viddathari yes?” Hawke stops though, she has no idea how to say any of the Qunari phrases in Antivan has never run into a soul that was Antivan and Qunari. “Where is your Tamassran? Teacher?” 

A pretty blonde walks up, her eyes are green glass her curves generous. “Dead. We sent to Par-Vollen for another.” 

Hawke translates quickly Karasten nods. “That is why the other group is here, they would not have sent Tamassrans without protection.” Both Stens show up then along with several women and Karasaad. 

“Viddathari.” Tamassran says walking towards the group, her voice is rich honey as is her skin she is human all the women are except one. It’s Hawke’s first chance to see a Qunari female and she’s not disappointed at the impressiveness of them. She is dressed as the other women her skin slate gray and her horns are tiny and black. Hawke’s tall for a human female 5’8 with a long and lean frame that matches the Qunari female. White hair falls in a straight curtain to her waist and she is barefoot. “Viddathari, you will join the others and put away your blades.” Hawke looks behind her convinced the woman is speaking to someone else. Tamassran walks to Hawke stops a few feet from her, “You will obey.” 

“Tamassran, I am Karasaad not Viddathari.” Hawke steps back towards Karasten she can’t get to Sten without causing a scene. 

“Not possible.” 

“She is Karasaad, Kadan, my mate. She is not Viddathari.” Sten walks to Hawke stands between Tamassran and Hawke. “Kadan, bite.” Hawke is removing shoulder armor in a moment feels fingers of Karasten on her as he gets the back straps and her shoulders are free as she pull the tunic on Sten’s mark walks to the Tamassran but stays in reach of Sten. 

It’s the necklace that holds Tamassran’s attention though. “Yassin.” Tamassran gives her the same salute that is given to Arishok Hawke responds in kind. “My apologies Yassin, may you carry many, may you rule wisely, may the seas be open to you.” 

“Anaam esaam Qun .” Hawke responds in kind 

“You are Sten’s mate though not Arishok’s?” Sten confirms and Hawke nods. Tamassran shakes her head at that, “Foolish human.” Is whispered in Antivan which Hawke frowns slightly at. 

“Do you expect any other issues with the Tevinters?” Kadan asks and Hawke decides to name hers Kadan for reference as with multiple Stens it’s just damn confusing. 

Sten shakes his head no. “If we do we will take care of it, why were you here?” 

“We were here to secure this village had been told there was dissension in the ranks, that these converts had been corrupted.” Kadan hasn’t moved from in front of Hawke gently steps on her foot to keep her where she is. Rest of the Qunari have moved off cleaning and repairing gear after   
the fight the Antivans have brought food back from the village are preparing it for their rescuers Hawke watches as they prepare the food uneasiness tugging at her at the word corruption and the food and she reaches up runs her nails lightly on the back of Kadan’s neck. She feels the shift in him as he takes the warning of danger seriously pulls her between them looks at her. “Report.” 

“You said they were corrupted, they have just been rescued and are preparing food.” Hawke says it quickly, quietly in Qunlat. 

“You think they will poison us.” Sten says from behind her and Hawke nods. 

“Also, where are the rest of the men? Where are the children? Where are the fertile females? You have the old and sick, the babies but where is the rest of the population?” Kadan looks over the group of humans weaving between the Qunari looks back to Hawke. “I can play or we can spend   
hours searching, your choice.” Hawke watches Kadan’s face go through the emotions, knows he does not like what she can do bites her lip. “I won’t hurt them; there are more than screams that can tell me what I want.” 

Sten moves to see Hawke’s face. “What is she talking about, she cannot harm the Viddathari they are converts we protect our own.” 

“Fine Talan Karasaad, no pain and no screams.” Hawke dips her head goes straight for the curvy blonde who is filling cups full of water taking one of the cups swirling the contents and drinking deeply watches the reaction of the blonde. 

Holding the cup out for more blonde pours but her hand is shaky, Hawke smells the fear, brushes her hand against the arm of the girl finds more fear. “Cara, tell me and I will keep you alive.” Hawke keeps her fingers off her blades feels the effects of the poison hit her but not enough to stop her for long. “Nightshade, little bit of graveroot nice mix not lethal though so what gives?” 

Blonde licks her lips her mouth is a perfect bow, she’s one of the most attractive humans Hawke has seen in a very long time. “They said if we didn’t do it they would kill them all.” Hawke assesses the pupils, watches her breathing shakes her head no.   
“Crow?” Hawke blocks the blade coming at her midsection hits a couple of pressure points quickly watches the woman collapse and sees a man try to dart off into the dark stops him with a blade to the leg meets a Karasaad at the man retrieving the dagger. “Show me where they are or I get to play.” Hawke is kneeling on his chest her legs pinning his arms her blade kissing his throat. 

“Never bitch, you will not get them.” 

Hawke clenches fists in frustration looks at Karasaad. “This one is not Qunari, this one is not Vidathari I get to play.” Hawke lets one of the man’s hands free indicates for Karasaad to hold it. “Hold him, I need his hand.” Hawke switches with Karasaad and takes one of her throwing knives out. 

“My rules do not apply to you, this will be painful and I hope you scream. I want your men to hear me coming and I really hope they fight.” Hawke repeats the words in Qunlat watches Karasaad’s eyes go wide. 

“Yassin, Sten.” Hawke shakes her head no. 

“They will kill the hostages.” man is panicked, he should be.

Hawke shrugs at this, “I do not care, we rescued you from Tevinter slavers and you are choosing to poison us hostages are collateral damage. I am guessing you know some of those hostages.” 

Man struggles harder, “No Cara, Tevinters hold the rest of the villagers, told us to poison you otherwise they would be killed. You are near Antiva, there would be some crows with the villagers we live here.” 

Hawke stops and sighs dramatically. “What did he say Karasaad?” 

Hawke puts her knives up. “I can’t play is what he said.” 

Karasaad snorts, “do we get to kill more Tevinters than?”

Hawke nods. “Tell the rest of your merry group not to poison us and I will rescue what I can of the hostages, how would they know you poisoned us? Are there Slavers mixed in the groups down there or do they have people close?” 

“Both.” Hawke smiles at this heads back to the group with the man helps him as he limps sees the blonde in the hands of one of the other Karasaad. Dropping the man next to her Hawke beelines for the Stens watches the edges of the woods she is running out of time. “Slavers mixed in with this group to make sure we were poisoned, scouts also they are holding the other hostages close if they are alive.” Kadan is looking at the man and the blonde then back at her, “Not Viddathari, not protected by your rules.” 

Sten snorts and shakes his head at her, “Yassin, takes a Sten mate, fights, I might actually challenge you for this one.” Kadan hooks her closer with a hand places his forehead on hers runs claws gently up her back causing her to flush with arousal even as she nips under his chin. 

“Here now?” 

Sten shakes his head no smiles at her mew of disappointment. “Rescue the humans and then yes.” 

Hawke nods nips him again knows it turns him on as he growls at her. “I want one to play with.” She’s stepped away from him walking backwards hands clasped in plea as he shakes his head no. “Would you let me play?” She asks Sten mischief in her eyes. 

“Kadan.” It is a warning and Hawke rolls her eyes sighs dramatically. 

“Want me to weed out the Slavers or rescue the hostages?” 

Kadan and Sten follow her, “Go get the hostages, my group will deal with the slavers.” Sten decides Kadan nods follows Hawke who’s broken into a run scoops her up and tosses her to another Karasaad closer to the woods. 

“Up Kadan, find the scouts.” 

Hawke grabs the lower branches of the tree dashes between the branches as she can lands a dagger on a scout watches as the man falls out of the tree looks for more sees the glint of the knife right before it hits her shoulder and she is falling. “Vashedan!” Strong arms catch her even as Hawke yanks the blade out smells the thing and tosses it. “Who throws clean blades, how boring!” Karasten snorts at that place her on the ground. “Go, I need to bind this I will join you shortly.” Karasten leaves Hawke to bind her wound, when she gets to the building where the hostages are it is to see Kadan shaking his head no as he looks at the hostages. 

“They have been dead for days; there was no way we could have saved them.” Hawke goes to the middle of the room and sits down. Reaching, she reaches for these souls and finds them gone except for one this one tells the story of some getting loose and going into the woods, of one of them being heavily pregnant of watching the feet leave him to die. 

“They’ve only been dead a day tops, Tracker with me, one of them is pregnant her time is nigh she’s not going to last long.” Kadan catches her wipes her bloody nose steadies her as she sways for a moment watches as she and Tracker dash off to find the pregnant woman.   
“Bring her back to the beach when your hunt is done.” Karasaad follow Hawke as Kadan lines up the bodies grabbing tools makes sure they are with the bodies as well. 

“Yassin, there are three of them, small child pregnant woman and a male.” Hawke nods closing her eyes to remember the map of the place Sten showed her that morning. Hawke falls back to let Tracker lead watching as the man quickly quarters the area hones in on a small stream with large trees dipping its roots in. 

“Come to us mama, we will help you we are here to help.” Hawke yells over and over sees the body of the male he had not survived his wounds slows to study the trees looks at the sky they have maybe an hour before dark. “Blood, see if you can smell blood over the water, she will bleed when she births.” Hawke asks Tracker nods points farther down the stream. Hawke calls out again, is pleased to see a little boy running towards her he is very young no more than 5 or 6 years old his blonde head running towards her. 

“Mamma, she can’t move.” 

Hawke follows, sees the woman sighs in relief. She hasn’t had the baby yet then, Tracker scoops her up after Hawke splints the twisted ankle. “Safe Cara, you are safe.” Hawke assures the woman when she would shrink away from the Qunari. Tracker frowns at the woman when she would fight him.

“Tal-Vashoth has been through here then, she should not fear me if she is Viddathari.” 

Hawke pushes a pressure point to have the woman relax, “He will never hurt you Cara, you are always safe with the Qunari you are of the Qun.” 

“My name is Jani that is Henry. It has been a rough year for us.” 

Hawke snorts at that, “I see that, Slavers, Qunari raiders, I am impressed with your ability to stay alive. This child is it human?” 

She shakes her head no grips Hawke’s hand “I came from another village, was recently brought here to have the child.” 

Hawke swings Henry up as they walk along back to the beach and village. “Tal Vashoth came through and took the women?” 

Jani shakes her head no, “They hurt us and left. Most of the other pregnant women have already left to Tevinter on the ships; I and three others were to go on the next load. Tevinters killed the other three women, Marcus killed our guard and I ran. Henry is one of the few children left the rest have already been transported.” 

Hawke curses for a moment in Qunari almost switches to Antivan before catching the baleful glare from Jani as she carries Henry and stops. “When we get back to the beach I want you to talk to the Tamassran, you will tell her all and you will also answer questions from Sten.”   
They walk in silence for a few minutes Hawke sees Kadan and Sten have both moved the tents and camps closer to the village heads there. As they get closer a Tamassran comes towards them the Qunari one signals two of her brethren with her approach them carefully. “Yassin, you found her and the child good work.” They take the boy from her who kisses her cheek. 

“Do you need me to answer any questions, I speak Antivan as well as Qunlat do you need me to translate?” Hawke offers Tamassran shakes their collective heads no. 

“Report to Sten, take Karasaad with you.” Is the clipped reply Hawke waits for Tracker and they head to Sten. 

“Which Sten are we reporting to?” Hawke asks Tracker as they walk. 

“Whichever one we run into first.” Tracker replies sees Sten and points. “That one, I am guessing ours is dealing with the Slavers still. I will clean your souls for a week if you handle this without me that Sten and I do not get along at all.” 

Hawke smiles slightly at the offer. “Kadan won’t let you but I appreciate the offer. Spar with me for the week and I’ll do it.” 

Tracker glances at her and the blades consider, “Done it would be an honor to spar with Yassin.” 

Hawke winks at Tracker, “I think I’m getting the honor your are damn good with that thing.” Thing is a marvel of steel with a very serrated edge it’s handle dragon-bone that had made Hawke’s hands itch to hold it. 

Approaching Sten as Tracker peels off she takes a moment to study this Sten. He’s almost identical in build and coloring to her Kadan his pattern of three mountains indicating he came from Par-Vollen while hers is Seheron. He waits for her to approach him salutes her as she salutes him.   
“Report.” 

Hawke hesitates, “Will I have to repeat this to mine after I am done with you?” Sten smiles at that nods. “Right, Karasaad, find other Sten and bring him please.” He nods and heads to find her Sten. 

“Report.” Hawke steps back as he growls at her his aggression at her failure to follow orders evident. When he’d growled all of Kadan’s men had come alert she’s Karasaad but she’s also Yassin accorded all the respect that title gives her. “You will report now Karasaad.” He’s walked towards   
her again and Hawke retreats again. “Katoh Sten. I will wait for both Sten as I do not want to repeat myself.” 

He shakes his head no “Step back from me again Karasaad and you will be punished, you will report to me now.” Hawke stands still as he steps to her stays still as he walks around her takes a deep sniff moves her hair off her neck he’s checking her reactions to him as a mate and as a female she has to stay still and let him. 

That had been a fight she had lost with Arishok when he’d used his officers to do the action to get her used to it in case it did happen. She’d only reacted to Sten thankfully but it was the dance they did, the walking around the sniffing and tracing of claws that had set her on edge.   
Karasten is on his way over places a hand on his weapon when he sees Sten lift her hair his step quicker when he sees the claws down the right arm. “Karasaad, Sten is dealing with the Slavers report to me.” Hawke is trembling all over most would think it is fear but Karasten knows its rage she’d attacked him when it had been his turn to do this damn dance with her he still had a scar on his bicep from her knife another on his neck from the second time he’d tried. As a Karasten he could become a Sten but not here and not now. 

Hawke launches into her report her words quick, clipped and monotone she’s trying to get her temper under control as the Sten bumps her shoulder traces claws down her other arm starts down her back. “Sten, stop now I am not in heat, I am not cleared to carry I am Karasaad not Yassin right now get your damn hands off me!” Hawke steps back from him hears the growl as he catches her around the neck catches her hands with his other and lifts her nuzzles her neck before he groans a bit and drops her after she’s landed a kick in his groin. 

Hawke has blades out retreats several feet away from Sten baring her teeth at him. “You do not handle Karasaad that way Sten, I said get your hands off me and I meant it.” 

Sten indicates the blades wipes at the slice on his cheek from her dagger. “You draw steel on a commanding officer?” 

Hawke puts the blades up does a come on with bare hands. “I don’t need my steel to kick your ass Sten, your behavior is not welcome to a Karasaad.” 

Karasten tries to diffuse the situation, “Who’s child is the woman carrying?” 

Hawke looks to him, “Qunari Tal Vashoth came through raped them and left. Most of the Viddathari have been transported by slavers already what we have now are the only ones left. I am betting the slavers will come back for the rest of this group in the next few days. Sten stay there dammit I don’t want to be your mate I have a Sten I don’t need another.” Hawke is retreating again as he stalks toward her. 

“Is that the entire report Karasaad?” Sten asks. Hawke nods looks for Kadan sees him coming out of one of the buildings turns back in time to see Sten lunge for her. “You are Yassin now, stand still, time to see if you’ll accept me.” Hawke shakes her head no, glances back at Kadan sees Sten look past her to him. “He would have to watch you do this Yassin; you know this has to happen you know you have to stand for it.” 

Hawke looks to Karasten sees him nod sadly slams on her breaks and walk towards Sten taking a piece of leather out of her pouch to tie her hair up strips bracers, chest piece, weapons and pouches in rapid succession each item hitting the sand with a thunk. When her boots join the fray Sten stops her for a moment. “What are you doing?” 

Hawke strips her leather tunic off as well is left in her red tank that ends halfway down her torso baring her stomach Sten’s and Arishok’s marks clearly displayed drops her hands to her side. “If your claiming is going to be like my Kadan’s I’d rather not have to repair my armor.” 

Karasten laughs at that and remembers that night all too well. “He claimed you on the battlefield?” Sten is shocked. 

“Yes, it was a mutual thing; he’s got permanent scratch marks on his back from me I have these.” Hawke lifts the tunic a bit shows off Arishok’s claw marks indicates both of the marks on her neck. “So yes or no, you gonna try or leave me be?” 

“Arishok acknowledges the claim Sten.” Karasten offers as Kadan is almost to them watching the scene with concern. 

“Kadan?” 

Hawke turns to Kadan holds a hand out to him to keep him from walking up to her, “Sten wants a go gimme a second here.” 

Kadan looks at Sten lifts an eyebrow and crosses his arms at the man. “A go? What exactly is he having a go at?” 

Sten reaches out and pulls Hawke to him earning a growl from both Karasten and Kadan. 

“Easy boys, let’s remember I am human and we want to mate not fight.” 

She is still as he does the routine; Kadan watches as she trembles again her fists clenched her fury palpable to all of them. “You do not accept me, pity we would have made good warriors.” He walks away from them. 

“Why are you half naked?” Kadan asks indicating the pile of armor and her. 

“She didn’t want to have armor repairs.” Karasten supplies chuckling slightly at Yassin’s display knows she’s not the first fighting mate and won’t be the last. 

“What, oh you told him I claimed you on the battlefield?” He walks towards her as he says this battlefield a slight purr. 

“I did, told him it was a mutual thing, bragged about scarring you.” Kadan laughs low reaches and hooks her to him putting his forehead on hers moans as she traces nails up and down his chest. 

“Here now?” 

Sten nods smiles as she traces her nails lower gently rubs against his erection catches her hands to get her into the tent before he has her on her back thrusting fingers in tastes her clenches his jaw nostrils flaring. “You are coming into heat, its why he wanted you Kadan you will be confined to me for the next three days.” He is stroking her body notices the slight swell of her breasts the heady scent she puts forth as he stretches her for him groans when her body yields so easily for him. His experience with human females, with elvin females had helped Healer deal with Hawke and this experiment with her had proven useful on many fronts. If the Antaam could incorporate more females, more viddathari it would swell the ranks rapidly giving them the necessary numbers to invade. 

“I have my tea, I will not carry.” 

He is in her his pace slow, leisurely he wants to mark her let his scent mask hers but he can't. “It keeps you from carrying but you know it doesn’t hide the scent you could. Usually you stay away during this time, our men are used to it don’t react but Sten's…I will not chance it.” 

Hawke’s release is sudden and powerful “Kadan, ah kadan.” It is whispered hers the need to be quiet His teeth on the mark have her arching into him her nails tracing up his back even as he pulls her close rolls so she is on top hair thrown back loosed from its braid now they are in their tent. As he sits up bites his mark again Hawke remembers dealing with Vengeance to keep her marks from the Qunari. She’d hadn’t needed to for Arishok’s since she hadn’t had any souls but Sten’s she’d had to bargain for it had been worth it as he bites hard enough to draw blood his the lust of a male with a mate in heat. She knows it’s because of Sten too, watching another Qunari handle your mate had been one test neither Arishok nor Sten had managed to without growling and pacing. Come at her with blades, both men were fine but put your blades up and sniff her hair all bets were off. 

His release triggers hers as she keeps him close fingers tangled in his hair as he keeps his teeth on her shoulder careful not to bite too hard. Both are covered in sweat she sits up carefully wincing slightly as she puts her hair back up to keep it off the bite pulls her pants and breast-band on then gingerly puts the tunic on. “Where are you going?” Sten asks laying a hand on her back as she adjusts the shirt again. 

“I need to get my armor and weapons.” 

“Tent Kadan, confined for three days you will obey.” 

Hawke glares at him, “I you cannot you said you I was confined to you for three days I will not stay in this damn tent for three days!” She is crawling to the entrance as Sten grabs her foot pulls her back catches her other leg when she tries to kick him off pulls her back against him as his body covers hers his chest pressed to her back his hands stopping hers. 

“Kadan, please.” 

“I want my blades Kadan, you will give me my blades.” 

Kadan traces kisses on her back doesn’t let her go, “I will get them you can get some sleep, I need to finish dealing with this mess so we can leave.” 

“What am I going to do in this damn tent for three days, Kadan you know I hate being still that long.” More kisses on her back, trying to get her to calm down its having the opposite effect on her.

“Reflect on the Qun.” Kadan offers and earns an elbow to the ribs for that one. 

“Why can’t we use this as a training exercise for his men and ours? Off Kadan, I want my blades.” Hawke is out from beneath him and out of the tent with a twist of her hips though lands on her ass when he has her foot trying to pull her back in. He lets her go pulls pants on to follow her out   
watches as the men watch her knows they smell her blood, smell him and her sees his men go back to their tasks but Sten’s men do not they watch Hawke sees Sten take a deep whiff when the breeze brings her scent to him Sten looks at him the pair doing a silent battle of eyes as Hawke gathers her armor and blades watches as she sees Sten walks back to him. 

Arms loaded she walks up to him goes on tiptoe humming slightly as she bites her mark on his chest it’s a display of possession just as important to her as it was to him as he cradles her close keeping an eye on Sten. “Mine.” Hawke growls which has Kadan frowning until he sees the Tamassran’s watching them snorts as he realizes why Hawke didn’t want to be confined to the tent. Not because she feared Sten but because she didn’t want the females near him, she’s never let the Viddathari close to him had warned them off with eyes and blades as needed not understood he wasn’t interested would never be interested. 

“We need to compromise.” Kadan states as she pulls bracers on, secures her belt and blades back on without putting on the rest of her armor. 

“No. I am not going to be confined to a tent for three days, you said you needed to deal with this mess so we could leave then let’s do that.” 

“Kadan.” 

Hawke shakes her head no, “Blades are on we are outside in public I am Karasaad I will not be confined.” 

He’s pulled her close his arm securing her to his chest his other tipping her chin up to look at him. “I am indulgent to a point Kadan, we are well past it. I do not do this as punishment for you I do it for your safety and the safety of my men. Get your ass in that tent and stay there until I say otherwise.” When she looks mutinous he puts his forehead on hers whispers softly, “You are the mate to Arishok Kadan, he is not here to defend you only I am and I cannot defend you and get this sorted out I need to focus you are distracting me.” It is an agreement they have always had, both know how deadly distractions are and Hawke nods slightly nips under his chin in submission unstraps her swords and hands them to him. He takes the swords waits as Karasten comes and takes them as Hawke gets back in the tent dropping the rest of her armor in a corner with his pulls her journal to draw and read. 

When he does come back to her that night she is naked and wants him his body craving her but the next morning she is pushing him away. “I want my mate.” Hawke grouses quietly as he traces a finger down her leg is not surprised when she moves away from him. 

“For all you love me when it comes time to make babies you want him.” He had told her the first time they had been through this; he’d sent her home for the weekend she’d returned to him achy and horny four days later demanding him almost in the middle of the compound. Healer had managed to keep her clothes on corralled them into their tent reminding Sten he needed to control his mate. She had admitted for the three days she was not with him how much she had ached for Arishok. “He is craving you just as badly.” He had assured her and had been right, those three days Arishok was moody, aroused and furious he couldn't have her. Months later it was less but still present Arishok always sent her home not willing to chance it but here and now she is presented with the wrong male.   
With her in heat though, with him all too aware he takes her and she fights. “Win the war Kadan, you know you love me you know you want me convince your body to accept me.” Hawke does, her nails looking to kill caress and she is keening under him she craves him like a drug wants to be part of him. 

None of the men ask where Yassin is, they know better and when she is out of the tent for brief sessions they ignore her Kadan is never more than a step from her his body a barrier between them and her. It’s maddening for her but as she cleans their blades, repairs their armor, reads and focuses on staying calm it works. Sten’s men have been busy dealing with the converts and repairing the village all of them have and as Hawke hadn’t accepted him as a candidate for her he’s not allowed to ask about her. Qunari sense of smell is closer to a dog’s than a human’s Kadan had explained one day as they had cleaned armor together. “So while I can feel emotions you can smell them?” 

“Some can with training, Arishok can he was not always Arishok.” That had been a shock to Hawke. 

“I know men come from Par-Vollen so why have no other Sten’s come, why does Arishok have so few officers here?” 

“I cannot answer that Kadan, even if you were Karasaad I would not answer. I can teach you your role in the Qun I cannot teach or tell you more.” 

“As Yassin?” Hawke’s understanding of the two roles is not as much as she would like. 

“Arishok only Kadan, he makes you Yassin it is his duty to teach you the role the part it plays in the Qun.” 

“Is it that way with every role?” Hawke hands him the giant blade of Tracker’s hands her his blades.

“No, Tamassrans teach all roles in a general sense trying to place you a series of tests confirm you and then your commander teaches and refines you to your role. What does Healer teach you?” 

“Qunlat, how to interact with everyone I learn a lot of what he does and I help him a lot with the viddathari.” 

“He is teaching you to be a Tamassran or Healer. He is making sure you do not bring shame to Arishok.” 

“Arishok teaches me.” He’d stopped her there shook his head no. 

“What you discuss and do with Arishok is between you Yassin it is not my place to know.” She frowned at him. “I know you want to tell me.” Hawke shakes her head no. 

“I don’t like you calling me Yassin.” 

“That is who you are, it is the role you were assigned.” 

“Fine I am Yassin to Arishok; to them all but my role to you is Kadan, wife, mate, lover, and partner I don’t want to be anything else to you inside this tent, inside our home. Out there I am Karasaad, Yassin, whatever I need to be but in here with you I am yours Kadan no one else’s.” She’d   
hooked a thumb under the necklace went to take it off when he’d stopped her. 

“Don’t Kadan, you can never remove it. I will agree to your terms, out there you are theirs in here you are mine leave the necklace alone. In here it means nothing but out there it is everything.” He’d pulled her into his arms then kissed her breathless. 

Four days later Tevinters show up to be greeted by Qunari and Hawke is happily swinging her swords again next to Karasaad blocks a blow meant for Sten uses a kick to push the soldier away blocking the blade of another slides out of the way of Sten taking out the original one as she kills her attacker. Karasten scoops her and tosses her over the head of a pair of the soldiers smiles as she backstabs both of them lands a fist to another trying to stab her in the back as well as a knife to the throat of the same target. She is hooked around the waist pulled to the side though said target then sweeps her trying to get her down. “Karasaad!” Hawke yells rolling away from her target or trying as the man stabs at her again and again with his blade. Hawke snags her lost blade blocks the next blow kicks out at the man's leg feels herself be pulled through her target's legs looks way up to see Sten as he kills the soldier. Hawke is up looking for more targets or Kadan, she will take either spots Karasten and heads to him realizes the fight is over. 

“Form up.” Kadan yells watches as the soldiers do as told eyes glance briefly at Hawke checks the rest and lights back on Hawke she knows that look. 

“Control Yassin, not here not now.” Karasten keeps a hand on her is not surprised when she bares her teeth in challenge at him. “Deal with the wounded.” Hawke nods and heads to deal with them nods as the villagers and Tamassran are helping as well. 

Qunari female is tending Kadan's wounds and Hawke is seeing red. She had been helping remove wooden splinters from one of Sten's men courtesy of a mage globe. Done she had returned to ask Kadan if he wanted to go to the stream with her and get clean as she is covered in various parts of blood and mud her hands and arms the only clean part needed to deal with the wounded. 

“Yassin.” She greets, can smell the fury of the human doesn't understand why it's directed at her. 

Hawke walks to him and runs a tongue over her teeth her jaw hurts it’s clenched so hard. “Kadan, you are injured?” Kadan looks at her, knows the problem shifts on the log he sits on so he is not facing the female. 

“Not badly, come Kadan, I need you.” There is a bandage on his arm, another on his chest but he offers his hand to her and she takes it stands between his legs leans down the scant inches needed to kiss him. 

“There is a stream close; we can take the men to clean up rather than the ocean. Salt water stings on the wounds attract predators.” Hawke tilts her head nods to Tracker who stands near the woods. He stands and Hawke frowns as he limps slightly. “You did not have your leg tended?” 

“You nearly killed her for sitting on a tree next to me, finding me without my pants with her would have sealed her death.” Tracker laughs at that shakes his head as the Tamassrans follow the line of men as they go to the stream hooks Kadan's arm around his neck as they get to the rougher terrain. 

“Would Arishok want us to bring one of the Tamassran back to teach the Viddathari?” Hawke asks curious and Kadan shakes his head no. 

“We are not set up for that.” Sten admits accepts Hawke's help to get his armor off hands her his blades to be washed off. Hawke takes her blades off stacks them in the growing pile on the shore sees some of the Karasaad standing guard as the rest strip each other wiping and washing.   
Hawke's never minded the communal bathing quickly strips Kadan hands his armor to a Karasaad and focuses on getting him clean and bandaged. When he is clean he sits on a convenient bolder and growls as Sten approaches to strip and bathe her. “Leave her be Sten tend your own men.” He retreats for the moment.

Hawke takes her own armor off growls when one of the Karasaad offers to bathe her, she's inflamed enough doesn't need the extra stimulation once bare she walks to Kadan, “I need to heal do you trust Karasten?”   
He shakes his head yes, “Karasten, take Yassin to soak.” 

“Your mate is safe with me.” Karasten says it formally takes Hawke's hand as she walks farther up the stream sees the change in the pool depth sees a few other Karasaad already there a couple of them playing in the water. 

“Yassin, join us?” Karasaad offers watches as she strips Karasten out of his armor lets him in the water first waits for him to nod before she gets in. “Yassin is injured?” 

Hawke holds a hand out to the Karasaad that would come near her isn't surprised at the growl from Karasten as he keeps a hold of her. She is gritting her teeth as her cuts seal sees spots as the cut on her arm heals is grateful as Karasten keeps her head above the water. “No, mostly need to get the blood off.” 

“Sten was smart to send Karasten with you, other Sten and his men have been sniffing where they should not.” Hawke arches an eyebrow at the Karasaad. 

“My rules are known I obey.” Hawke splashes him squeals as he comes after her their water play drawing a few others before Tamassran comes. She’d missed this camaraderie with them the banter and play of them.   
“Enough, food will be served soon.” Hawke blocks the Karasaad from soaking the Tamassran knows the human female would get in trouble. 

“You don't want to do that, she'll get in trouble and so will you. I need to tend Kadan, he is still injured.” When Karasaad would approach her Karasten growls slaps his hands away. 

“Yassin, Karasaad you can't touch her right now and you know it.” Karasten rebuffs the Karasaad earning a furrowed brow. She can play with them so long as they don’t touch her when she isn’t armed. 

“So when she has her armor on and blades she's Karasaad, out of the armor and blades she is Yassin. Interesting, Yassin come to me.” Sten is standing at the edge of the pool offers his hand to her. 

Hawke quickly moves past him her steps light as she heads to Karasten's armor draws his dagger smiles at Sten as Karasten gets dressed. She'd never grab his main weapon but the dagger is fair game. “Still lacking armor to get you the status Yassin, come to me now.” Karasten tosses her a bracer watches as she pulls it on without having to unstrap it. Sten’s frank appraisal of her naked form doesn’t have Hawke squirming like it would other females. Hawke’s never been ashamed of her body or the scars it carries if Sten is trying to make her uncomfortable he’ll have to do better. 

“I am not Yassin Sten, I am Karasaad you will leave me be.” Hawke is within range of Karasten waits as he walks with her up to Sten she hands the bracer and dagger over to Karasten knows he has his weapon out. 

“I am Yassin, how can I help you?” He grabs her by the neck it’s the same damn dance as four days ago his fingers caressing a nipple his sniff of her deep as he presses against her. His pants are on though undone his fingers trace the claw marks on ribs and thigh.

“Claws on the ribs are his, what marked your thigh?” His fingers trace the thigh again she is vibrating with rage. 

“Dragon.” Hawke answers looking up at him notices her skin pebble in the cold air off the water knows better than to pull her too close. 

Teeth trace near Arishok’s mark her fingers are clenched so tight she will mark her palms feels blood drip as she cuts herself on them. He smells the blood pulls her hand up to look at it licks the wound arching an eyebrow at her. “You were in heat that was why he kept you hidden for three days. I will have you Yassin, you will carry my child.” Hawke stretches her neck a little. Watches as he walks off nearly sags with relief when he leaves. 

“Please tell me he left marks, pretty please tell me there are marks.” Hawke turns to Karasten who shakes his head no. “Would I have to?” 

“Yes Yassin though you'd be ordered to Arishok before him for your first carry. Your children are dictated by Arigena, Ariqun and Arishok. They all have to agree for you to carry, if you are given to the Stens they could bid for the honor in that case my money is still on your Kadan. Only man who'd ever be able to best him in a duel is Arishok. There is only ever one Yassin at a time; Arishok picks her as his mate.” 

“So while I am Yassin Arishok cannot have children?” Hawke is appalled at this. 

“He can if ordered to; I can be ordered to mate with another even though I have you.” Kadan tells her as she approaches hooks her to him smiles as she straddles him automatically after she has her clothes on. 

“Sten made another grab at her.” Karasten offers quietly and is thankful Hawke is sitting on Kadan as he growls. He wraps her up growling quietly at the smell of Sten on her causing her to nip his chin in submission. His leg is bandaged along with the rest of him, Tamassrans are not near him though. 

“Let’s get back to the beach, I want to leave in the morning. I have had enough of Antiva, I want to go home.” Hawke looks at Sten when he calls KirkWall home.

It is celebration when they get back to Kirkwall the compound decorated with streamers and ribbons the feast generous and Hawke enjoys it when she would leave for the night though Sten blocks her. “Go to Arishok, he will need you.” 

Hawke nods, heads to Arishok's tent is barely through the door when she is grabbed and stripped. “Yassin, you are safe.” Once she is bare Arishok pauses and enjoys his mate is in no hurry to claim her now that she is back in his arms. Theirs is a slow exploration and conformation they are okay, that she was not seriously injured or harmed. This Arishok is calm, happy and hums as he takes her gently. She does not offer submission she doesn’t offer war to him just her and him happy the other is okay and alive this is what he needs. She does tell him about Sten, they are eating Kadan is with them along with Healer.

“Is this why you don't allow women in the military? Would I cause that much of an issue if I was a regular member of the Antaam?” Hawke asks eating a roll. 

“Yes and No, there are women in the Antaam but they are treated as men would never be claimed like you were. You are claimed but you fight, it is not done you are one or the other not both at the same time.” Healer inclines his head when Hawke fills his cup up. “Female Kossith that can actually pick up a blade against a male and attack him are extremely rare they are not interested in mating are truly men with female parts.” 

“I will not put down my blades.” Hawke scowls. 

“We hear you Kadan.” Sten soothes knows it’s a damn touchy subject for her. 

“When we do leave here and we do go back to Par-Vollen you will put down your blades Yassin. You will have to until you earn them back.” Arishok levels her with a glance. 

“Why were we able to leave and come back but you cannot?” Hawke asks Arishok curious. 

“I have a task here that has not been finished, until it is I cannot leave I cannot tell you more about it Yassin. Leave it.” Hawke shuts her mouth, he knows her too well. 

“Your females are beautiful.” Hawke admits gathering the plates up. 

“You met one?” Healer is curious about this hands his plate to her. 

“I did, she was a Tamassran. We got along very well.” Hawke glares at Sten when he growls. “I didn't draw my knives on her, I didn't attack her, I didn't even call her names we were practically best friends.” Hawke allows Sten to pull her onto his lap runs nails down his chest lightly. 

“Did you talk to her about being Yassin?” Arishok is curious arches an eyebrow as she shakes her head no. 

“Too busy being Karasaad to worry about Yassin duties.” Hawke shrugs. “Besides she wasn't very talkative towards me either she had the converts to worry about.” 

“You did not lose any men, came back with minimum injuries, and accomplished your task, well done Sten.” Arishok toasts him its dismissal for the night and all of them leave Arishok alone.


	50. Fools of the Deep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TY to those reading, we still have a while to go.

“Serrah Hawke! Serrah!” 

Hawke spun at the voice crossed quickly to the young woman calling her. “How may I help you?” Anders is with her along with Varric both stop as Hawke makes a hand signal; they are in the middle of Hightown market which is not where Hawke normally does business.

“Hawke, I need a moment of your time it’s my brother he and a few of the Wardens were dispatched to find the Thaig you found.” 

Hawke holds up a finger motions Anders and Varric over, “why would the Wardens want the Thaig?” Hawke catches both men up with that statement. 

“It’s farther than any of the Wardens have been in years, they contacted Bartrand to get the location and now they can't find the group that went. Please Serrah I need you to find my brother, if anyone is still alive down there it would be him.” 

“Who are you and who is your brother?” Hawke takes the woman’s hand in a show of sympathy but both Anders and Varric knows it’s more than that, 

“Delilah Howe “ 

“Nathaniel’s sister.” Anders chimes in looking at the woman again. 

“Yes, you are?” 

“I traveled with your brother for a time.” Anders waves her curiosity off. 

“Do you know if Bartrand went with them?” Varric asks and Deliliah shrugs. 

“Let me see what I can do Delilah know that if I do choose to take the contract I will be in touch by the end of the week.” Delilah nods and leaves. 

“I do not want to go back into the Deep Roads Hawke.” Anders says quickly.

She shakes her head no, “I am not excited about it either but it’s not a bad idea to have Wardens owing you a favor either. If I do take the contract you are coming with me, I apologize but I won’t risk not knowing when the darkspawn are close. Now about Bartrand, you really think he went back down there?” 

Varric nods then is shoved from behind with an angry accusation of “This is your fault! They are down there because of you!” 

Hawke’s quick shove of the man earns her a handful of face causing her to look down to realize the attacker is a dwarf. The shove hadn’t done much to Varric nor had Hawke’s shove to the attacker. Stepping between the two she fixes their attacker with a glare. “Enough now explain!” Anders visibly flinches from the command in her voice. 

“My name is Yevhen and because of HIM my boys are in the Deep Roads probably dead!” 

Hawke sighs deeply, “Start at the top.” 

“My boys Emrys, Iwan and Merin went to the thaig he bragged about to find treasure.” 

Varric shakes his head sadly, “I didn’t tell them about the thaig they heard a tale about a sword down there from one of the other merchants, I wouldn’t do that to you.” Varric has his hands out in supplication watches as Yevhen shakes his head in regret is truly worried for his boys. 

“Please Varric, you have to find them, I can’t lose them.” 

Hawke places a hand on the man’s shoulder waits for the man to look at her, “I will see what I can do, I have other tasks that might take me to the area I will let you know by the end of the week.” 

He nods and moves off Hawke looks at Varric a thousand questions in her eyes. “Group meeting?” 

Hawke nods, “Let’s do it at the estate, I don’t want extra ears. We’ll do dinner, I’ll get the messages sent.” Each leaves to their place gathering for dinner. Hawke had paid Gamlen to take her mother out to the theater for the evening leaving the house basically empty. 

“Bodhan, if we go do you want to come as well?” Hawke is leaning against the fireplace food consumed the group has gathered in the sitting room. 

“No, I don’t think it would be wise to leave Madame Amell by herself for that long, she will be cross enough with you gone.” 

Hawke nods, “Fair enough how long would it take to get supplies for 4 people to go?” 

Bodhan closes his eyes in concentration, opens them shortly, “I can have you ready to go by the end of the week if you like.” Hawke nods watches as Bodhan leaves. 

“You are going then?” Aveline asks her perch on the wingback chair one of ready to get into battle. 

“I am, if I don’t then they will send someone else and I will just have to rescue that person it’s easier if I go now.” Hawke runs a finger along the mantle. 

“I know Anders will go with you but who else are you taking?” Isabella asks from her perch on the arm of the sofa Merrill is next to her. 

“If there is a chance Carver is down there than I want to go.” 

Hawke is already shaking her head no, “not a chance Merrill I can’t tell my brother I lost his wife in the Deep Roads.” 

“Why? Why can’t I go? I am just as capable of a mage as Anders, why do I get treated like a kid? You never did this before.” 

“Before I lost my brother to the Wardens and my sister to a slit throat in the Chantry you are correct Merrill I did not.” Hawke cuts her off arms crossed eyes snapping. 

“We all take risks Hawke, I am old enough, strong enough, know myself enough to decide which risks I want to take.” Merrill is up too, so often they underestimate Merrill, so often is she overlooked. 

“I know that and I am taking a risk by leaving you here, I need you to deal with my mother who is watching her last child go off to a place she already lost one to.” Merrill sits down at that, knows what Hawke is asking. 

“Fine but you owe me.” 

Hawke smiles slightly. “If he is down there I will happily kick his ass for you does that work?” 

“What I would like to do to your brother is not something that would be appropriate for you to do with him.” Merrill answers with a smile. 

“Rivani, I told you about corrupting Merrill, she was so innocent when she met us!” Varric scolds good naturedly. 

“Right, in the meantime who else would like to go?” Hawke asks looking at the group. 

“I will if Aveline isn’t going.” Fenris offers watches Aveline nod. 

“I can’t Hawke, not with things the way they are, my adventuring days are behind me outside of Kirkwall walls so long as I am Captain.” 

Hawke nods, “I figured as much but knew you’d want to know about this I’d not up and leave without notice.” 

Varric arcs an eyebrow at this, wonders if a certain Qunari might have something to do with the change in Hawke. “I’ll go Hawke, I need to anyways with the three boys gone plus I know how to navigate down there.” Varric offers causing Hawke to nod. 

“Okay so Fenris, Anders and Varric anything else while we are all gathered?” Hawke looks at each of the companions. 

“How are the Qunari doing? They are quiet, too quiet.” Aveline asks and Hawke regards the Captain. 

“Content for the moment, both Arishok and Viscount are happy which makes my life easier. I know there are tensions with the Chantry but that was to be expected. They won’t talk to me, refuse to deal with me about their issues it’s a bit frustrating.” 

Aveline shakes her head at that, “You are not Andraste faithful and they know it, so they think you are one of them and will treat you as such.” 

“Why does it have to be one or the other? The Qun is not a religion perse it’s more a road map of life it would not be hard to live by the Qun and still believe in Andraste for the most part the ideal are the same just the Qun is a bit more structured.” Hawke shakes her head. “Enough of that, I have other places to be tonight feel free to stay or go as you like.” Hawke leaves headed to LowTown and then the compound.  
When she lands in her spot in the compound the guard salutes her as she makes her way to her tent with Sten sees his armor is still gone as she strips off hers. He comes in as she is setting her last blade on the holder helps him out of his armor. “You are home early.” Sten is surprised, pleased and wary. 

“I am, we need to talk and we will need Arishok for it.” 

“You are going unarmed for this discussion?” Sten sees where her blades normally are sees even her throwing knives are in the box. 

“I am.” Hawke confirms evasively, his heart speeds up when he sees even her boot knives are in the pile she is completely unarmed. Sten’s only seen her unarmed when she is undressed even then she stashes blades under the mattress and pillows this is going to be interesting. 

“Arishok is already in his tent; will that work for this discussion or do we need to go to the work tent?” Sten reaches for her only for Hawke to step away from him shaking her head no. “Kadan.” Sten is fighting to not ask questions keep his silence. 

“His tent is fine.” They walk to the tent in silence more than one Qunari doing a double take when they see Hawke is not armed at all. Just before they walk into Arishok’s tent after he says come in Hawke looks at Sten, “just remember you love me.” She ducks in with that Sten following a moment later. 

Arishok sees the lack of weaponry as he sits at the table his meal finished. She isn’t even wearing sheathes which really has his attention. Hawke moves to clear the food, and plates sets a pot on for tea can feel eyes on her as she does these domestic tasks stands next to Arishok’s stand waiting for him to join her. When he does she quickly strips him of his armor doing a check to make sure no repairs need to be done puts her hand on his as he puts his axes away, they are too heavy for her to deal with on her own. Done with the task Arishok pulls her close undoes her braid his fingers combing it out presses his forehead to hers takes a deep sniff. “You are not carrying, so why are you not wearing any weapons?” 

Stepping away from him Hawke goes back to the table, “I didn’t want any temptation.” 

Sten snorts at that, “Explain.” Arishiok leans on one of the tent supports sees Sten sit at the table. 

“I am leaving for the Deep Roads at the end of the week.” 

“I cannot go with you, no.” Sten says it with finality and Hawke glares at him. 

“This is why we needed Arishok, you cannot just tell me no.” 

“Kadan, we are not going down this road I tell you no you say yes you get mad and do what you want and it accomplish nothing.” Sten sighs in frustration. 

“Hey now the sex we accomplished after that fight was damn good.” 

Arishok chuckles at that. “How long will you be gone?” Arishok asks needing all of the information. 

“A few weeks, four minimum I have a couple of contracts to complete down there.” 

“Kadan, no.” 

Hawke sighs glares at Sten. “I will have Fenris, Varric and Anders with me. Anders is a Grey Warden he will help me with the darkspawn.” 

“Is this the same place you lost your brother to?’ Arishok asks quietly before Sten can say anything else. 

Hawke walks closer to him, waits as he pulls her close waits for the answer. “yes.” It’s the only thing she can say. 

“Kadan come here.” Hawke turns and is to Sten immediately as he pulls her into his lap hugs her tight smiles as she rubs against him. 

“Tell us about all of it Yassin, Sten and I both will refrain from interrupting you but we need all of the information.” 

Hawke crosses her legs in Sten’s lap her head just under his chin when she does this her fingers playing with a napkin from the table. “Wardens went down there with information from Varric’s brother and now need rescue. There are also three dwarves that are down there as well if I do not go someone else will and I will end up going down there anyways. If I go now I could be saving a lot more lives than if I don’t go.” She feels Sten’s heart thudding loudly against her back he is afraid for her and angry. “You’re pissed I brought this up with Arishok!” Hawke is off Sten’s lap arms crossed glaring at him. 

“I am pissed I cannot come with you, I am pissed you did not bring this up to me before you brought it up to him, I am furious you have already agreed to do this task and this is a formality to you leaving for several weeks if not forever.” 

“I will come back Sten, I would not leave you.” Hawke says this quietly her angry pacing paused as she watches both men. “I will not be parted from you Sten; you are mine I do not give up what is mine willingly.” 

“You gave up your brother to that place; by all accounts he was a great warrior as well.” 

Hawke is clenching her fist so hard her knuckles are white; this is why she had chosen to come without blades. “I did not lose my brother down there Sten, he became a Grey Warden because he was tainted that is not something that can happen to me.” 

“Why not?” Arishok asks curious. 

“It is a form of possession, a poison that makes you susceptible to darkspawn and the old gods I already have a standing deal with a demon he would not allow another to take me from him.” Hawke answers quietly. “He cannot possess me, he cannot take over my body or mind but neither can anything else.” Hawke looks back at Sten. 

“You are going no matter what we say aren’t you?” Sten says it bitterly knows he lost this fight from the moment she had taken off her blades. If she’d come in here as Karasaad he could order her as Yassin or Kadan he has no power. 

“Yes.” Hawke admits steps away from Arishok looking guiltily at Sten crosses to him to kneel at his feet earning a growl from Arishok, “Yassin does not kneel at anyone’s feet.” 

Hawke crouches looks over at Arishok who nods slightly. “I’ll ask about that one later, I am not trying to defy you Sten I swear I am not.” 

“Then why are you doing just that?” He leans back in the chair arms crossed glaring at her. 

“I can take a couple of the Karasaad with me if you like; get them some experience against darkspawn.” 

“It would not matter if you took the entire Antaam into that hole Hawke the point is I am not going to be there and I do not like that.” 

“I go into battle without you on a regular basis Sten, why does this matter? What is making you pause?” She would never accuse him or any Quanri of fear it’s not an emotion they can claim will ever claim. Standing she has her arms crossed doesn’t dare touch him right now. 

“Do not let them take you alive Yassin. If the darkspawn captures you do not think of me do not think of Sten you will kill yourself. Do you understand?” Arishok has captured her face presses his forehead against hers his gray eyes trying to bore into hers. 

“Brood-mothers yes I am aware of the danger of that. Anders warned me of that the last time we were down there promised to kill me if necessary Fenris will make sure it is done.” Hawke pulls her face away from his she wants to comfort him but won’t with Sten there. 

“Fenris would do this?” Arishok asks knows her history with the elf. 

Sten nods his head in agreement, “Fenris would kill her rather than that happen to her Arishok.” Hawke walks to Sten waits as he pulls her close kisses her abdomen and rubs his head on it Hawke reaches down to run fingers through his hair rubs the base of his horns where Arishok would growl and take it as a signal she wants him rough Sten is the opposite the reaction causing hum and reverence with her. 

Where Sten had to work at being rough Arishok has to work on being soft his need to conquer and dominate a lite match when matched with Hawke’s need to do the same. She and Arishok required a referee in the beginning, her and Sten needed one as well mostly to keep them from taking each other with an audience. His hum causes heat to pool low knows she’s taken him to the edge of his control several times in the past couple of hours debates doing it again wonders if she could get away with it. Sten kisses her abdomen again, “You know I won’t risk it.” Sten always knows where her mind goes. 

Hawke runs fingers to his shoulders walks behind him to massage them, “You will have to make your own tea, you will have to paint your own vitaar, you will have to take off your own armor.” Hawke’s strong fingers find knots in his shoulders make him sigh in contentment his posture one of relax instead of anger and fear. “Say it Kadan.” Hawke pushes, needs him to agree. 

“You are going even if I say no what do the words matter now?” Sten comments earn a baring of teeth a scratch of nails as she regards him angrily. 

“Fine, Arishok I am leaving at the end of the week for the Deep Roads, I will contact you when I am back. Panahedan.” 

“Panahedan Yassin.” Hawke spins and walks out. “More trying than a Par-Vollen winter.” Arishok shakes his head waits for his second in command to go after his mate. 

“Should we let her take some of the Karasaad? It would be good practice for them; many of our men are low in combat experience.” Sten isn’t going after Hawke will deal with her when he’s settled himself a bit more. 

“We can’t risk them.” Arishok shakes his head no sits at the table pouring himself tea. 

“You do not think she will come back?” Sten can’t hide the trace of fear in his voice knows Arishok is feeling the same. 

“She said she will but she may be the only one to crawl out of that pit alive. She has stacked the odds in her favor taking the Warden and the dwarf, Fenris is a warrior of note but she is going to rescue Bas she will sacrifice herself for the bas it is her nature. That is the factor I do not like, that is the unknown. She has given herself this task and we must trust she can accomplish it. I will see her when she gets back, mark her yours there will be no questions.” 

She is in their tent her hair still loose her strokes firm as she brushes it making it a shiny curtain of black silk. Her body tells her he is there, it's a primal call to the other he enjoys exploiting on occasion as he takes the brush from her hand setting it on the nightstand kissing her he draws her up, strips clothing off places her back on the bed his hips wedging her still knows before she leaves in the next few days every single inch of her skin will smell of him. She won’t be able to practice with the other men, she won’t be able to be near them they won’t let her. Not even Arishok will go near her, it is the biggest get the fuck away from my mate Sten can give her. It won’t matter to the humans, elf or darkspawn but it will make him feel better about her leaving. 

She doesn’t realize what’s going on until the second day when she heads to train with Sten’s men. None of them will come near her. She is leaving in two days and she wanted to give the men something to practice and none of them will pick up a blade to her they won’t get within a few feet of her. “Healer, are you going to need to give me supplies for the tea while I am gone or since I’m away from Sten I don’t need it?” Hawke is walking into the tent as she says this waits for Healer to say anything back. “Healer?” Hawke is looking at the man as he backpedals away from her puts beds between them. 

“Dammit not you too, what the fuck did Sten tell you? Am I sick? I don’t understand why you and the rest are acting like I have the plague.” Healer shakes his head at her holds out a hand to stop her from walking towards him. 

“Just stay there Yassin, did you agree to carry and I missed the conversation?” 

Hawke shakes her head no, “No I will not carry Healer why?” 

“Your mate is making sure any Quanari will know exactly who you belong to its done for breeding a way to mark the male for identification only lasts a couple of weeks but its damn effective.” 

“Why the fuck didn’t he do this before we went to Antiva?” Hawke crosses her arms staying near the door. 

“No way to know another Sten would be there, plus you weren’t Yassin for that you were Karasaad. I would guess he is trying to hold you here.” 

Hawke shakes her head no, “Dammit why the fuck would he do this why didn’t he ask me? I have shit I need to teach the Karasaad and they won’t dammit Sten!” Hawke spins stops before she steps out. “Tea question, do I need it or not?” 

Healer shakes his head no, “You don’t need it so long as you aren’t with Sten just make sure you come see me before you go to Sten when you get back. Before you ask you will be subjected to Sarebaas.” Hawke bares her teeth at the thought and Healer shrugs. 

Hawke spins finds Sten at the rings, watches as the men move away from her quickly she is keeping her hands off the blades she wants as she strides up to him and slaps him their nails leaving a trail across his cheek, “How fucking dare you! I can’t believe you could do this to me without talking to me first! You who are so fucking big on communication decide to do this without talking to me!” She is shaking out her stinging hand thinks she should have punched him it would hurt less. 

“Karasaad?” Sten asks curious why she is pissed running over what he could have done to piss her off so much. 

“Do you see any fucking weapons in my hands? I will admit to being tempted but I can’t because no one will fucking lift a blade to me or even come close to me except you so not Karasaad right now I am Kadan one very very pissed off Kadan.” 

Sten crosses his arms eyes her trying to gauge what is going on. “I got that from the slap thank you and the revert back into common with expletives. Go reflect and come back to me when you can communicate properly.” 

Hawke hears settle the fuck down go away I will deal with you later not something she wants to hear right now nor is it something she can actually do. “You swore I would fight beside you, that you would not force me to put my blades down. I will not carry; I am going to the Deep Roads and this little stunt? I’m done Sten; this is a childish move I did not and would not expect of you.” She’s still speaking Common doesn’t want to voice this in Qunari doesn’t want his men to realize what is going on knows some will understand and she is proven right when several of the men shift  
closer and then away from her. They want to comfort her, they want to prove she is still one of them but can’t. 

“Yassin.” His voice is gentle thunder washing over her with aching familiarity as she turns to him sees he too won’t come near her. 

“You would deny me Arishok?” It's a knife she didn't expect doesn't expect the pain of it either. 

“Enough. Not another word Kadan, Katoh Kadan, Kost.” Sten is trying to tread carefully here. 

“Peace? You want peace after you did this? Oh hell no.” Hawke is leaving, Sten is trapping her his need to keep her safe trapping and caging her and she won’t tolerate it. Healer had said it would only last a few weeks, this marking thing she would hope she wasn’t pregnant and use the time in the Deep Roads to figure out how to deal with leaving Sten with leaving them both. It is a physical blow to think about leaving Sten even the thought of him not with her causes her pain the likes of which she cannot breathe through. She is reaching deep, finding the cold bitch her companions always accuse her of being. 

“Sten, get her do not allow her to leave, she will not come back she will harm herself she will harm others.” Arishok speaks quietly the roiling emotions he is getting from Hawke knows her far better than she thinks. 

Sten does catch her carries her back to their tent, stripping her as they go taking her punches and hits in stride until she is naked under him his body pinning hers seeking entry moans as her body accepts him meets his hips with hers as she rocks into him his pace leisurely as she fights his scent soaking her more and more as her release hits and she is trying to goad him into being rougher. She wants the fight, needs the fight she is furious at him but he won’t he worships her reminds her just how much she loves him how full and complete she is with him in her. 

“Stop fighting me Kadan, I am marking you this way because I will not be there to protect you, I do this to mark what is mine, it will keep them off of you Kadan it will stop them in their tracks. I do this so I will not lose you; I do this to protect you.” He has her in his lap cups her ass as she has her arms around his neck riding him her body never willing to fight when he doesn't want to. “I do this for the same reason I tied you to Arishok, same reason I confined you to the tent I will always protect you.” His release triggers hers even as he rubs against her his sweat soaking her carrying his scent. 

“I am sorry I doubted you but next time could we discuss it first?” Hawke is lying on his chest her body stuck to his by sweat and sex and she smells the combined scent of them knows it is a lot more potent than normal. 

“Yes. Up, I am not done with you yet.” Hawke obliges. 

“Hawke? While I normally like your perfume I think you went a little heavy. You smell like cinnamon I thought you didn't like cinnamon?” Merrill takes another whiff wrinkles her nose. 

“I love cinnamon sorry about the extra must have overdone it this morning.” Hawke takes the ball of twine from Merrill looks at it curiously.

“So you can find your way back in the Deep Roads.” Merrill stage whispers the name of where they are going had been told repeatedly no one was to know. 

“I thank you for the thought but I will have Varric with me, keep the twine you might need it.” Hawke tries to hand it back and Merrill shakes her head no, “Okay Merrill thank you.” Hawke stashes it in her pack sees Fenris walking towards her sees Merrill leave. 

“Smart man.” Hawke shakes her head looking at Fenris confused. 

“To mark what is his, you always smell of him but this is more defined. Not appealing to me at all which I think is the point right?” 

“Yes, it’s awesome against other Qunari which is actually what he wanted. Good to know it works against elves as well.” 

“Oh Hawke you smell lovely, what perfume is that?” Isabella is practically rubbing against her trying to get closer to which Hawke fends her off. 

“Stop Isi, huh that is interesting.” Hawke hands Isabella to Fenris watches as he settles her next to him keeping her from reaching over to Hawke. 

They are a couple of days away from Kirkwall when they run across Tal-Vashoth. One whiff of her and the men back off, “Yassin, may you carry many.” Is repeated over and over as they get past them. 

“Well that was interesting, what was that about?” Anders asks looking at Hawke. 

“No idea.” Hawke feigns surprise at the behavior even as she puts her necklace back in her tunic glances at Fenris who nods. 

When they get to the entrance Hawke stops doing a quick pep talk to herself reminds herself she has walked out of here alive before she will do it again. “We got this Hawke, easy as pie.” Varric is false confidence and Hawke can hear it in his voice glances at the dwarf who shrugs.  
As they walk into the tunnels they are greeted by hurlocks and glenlock all falling beneath her and Fenris' blades along with Anders' magic and Varric's bolts. Getting farther into the Thaig they run across a dwarf, “Emrys? Where are your brothers?” Varric walks closer to the dark haired dwarf sees the boy is unhurt if a little scared. 

“Iwan abandoned us and locked Merin in a room with darkspawn to find that sword the merchant was talking about.” 

“Okay so I will get Merin with Anders, Varric and Fenris head towards Iwan refrain from killing him if possible.” 

“Hawke.” Fenris stops her from walking off shakes his head no. 

“You are not facing a group of darkspawn without me.” 

“That was not a request Fenris, we need to save them both and the longer we stand here and debate the greater chance we loose them both. This guarantees the safety of at least one of them.” Hawke crosses her arms glaring. 

“I swore to him I would keep you safe, do not make me go back on that.” Fenris says in Qunlat watches the change over her at the mention of him. 

“I know but we need to save them both and I cannot turn the mage loose with him only.” 

“Fine but take Varric and go after Iwan I will save Merin.” 

“Do not make me come rescue you.” Hawke grumbles motions Varric with her. 

Hawke and Varric nearly run into the darkspawn attacking Iwan dispatch them quickly approach him. “You called for a rescue?” Hawke asks blades still dripping blood as she looks at the warrior. 

“No I didn't but I am thankful for the attempt however I am not leaving here without the blade.” He has a deep voice though he speaks softly it reminds her of a growling mabari. 

“The sword you tried to sacrifice your brother for? That sword?” Varric growls. 

“Merin was already going crazy by the time I decided to leave him, he is no use to me but his sacrifice will be worth it if I can find that sword.” Iwan keeps moving forward Hawke stops him dodges the blade coming at her has fingers on her throwing knives. 

“We will look for the sword but I need to rescue your brother first. I will not sacrifice my companions for your folly.” Iwan looks at her, looks at the knives and the swords on her back. 

“Your Hawke. My father sent you to come find me?” Hawke nods, is relieved when the man follows them back to find Merin. 

Fenris and Anders are fighting a desperate battle as they are surrounded by darkspawn watches as Anders places his hand on Fenris gaining a new batch of mana. Together the two are damn near impossible to stop but the odds are not in their favor as she wades into the fight looks to see  
Varric and Iwan in as well. Things are going well until she takes a blade to the back one of the Hurlock grabs her and knocks her out. 

Scraping, tearing her arm catches on something she feels it pop gasps in pain as she feels it break is pulled farther. “Rest, you will need your strength.” Hurlock manages to say and then she is out again. Waking again she sees she is in a hall of some sort the walls covered in something she doesn't want to think about as all around her are darkspawn. Hawke is reaching for blades she does not have closes her fingers on her throwing knives and Sten's dagger. She is missing the rest of her blades, this is not good. Hurlock sees she is awake brings water for her. “Drink.” She does but pours some on her side gasps as the wounds start to close; she needs to see where they are getting the water. She doesn't have many souls but she might have enough to get standing, to have a chance at living. 

“Fuck! How did they get her? Where would they take her?” Fenris is pacing his markings lit up as he looks at Anders. “You will take me to her mage, you will take me to her now.” 

“Not how it works Fenris, down here they feel like they are on top of me everywhere. I can't work like a dog and say they went that way.” Anders is panicking as well. “I do know they will take her to the broodmother, we cannot take on that many dark-spawn.” 

“I am not leaving her down here Anders, I can't.” Fenris glances back at the three dwarves looks at Varric who is just as panicked. 

“Let's find the Wardens; with them we might actually stand a chance at the broodmother.” Anders decides quickly. 

“What about the sword, I am not leaving without the sword.” Iwan says looking at them all. 

Varric is in the man's face his rage palpable. “Take your brothers and get your own damn sword we are not going to look for it.”

“Which way towards the sword?” Anders asks waits for Iwan to point. “Okay well that is the way the Wardens are supposed to be so let's get to them and the sword at the same time.” 

“Blondie what are you up to?” Varric asks as they move along. 

“There are more dark-spawn between us and the Wardens we need help getting there at this point I'll take what I can get.” Anders answers as they round the corner heading up the stairs and seeing a golem. Iwan proceeds to take out a control rod and activate it causing a slight smile to form on Fenris' face until they get to the next hallway and see the dark-spawn. There is an ogre with them and the group has to focus on getting them down. Somewhere in the fight Emerys steps on a switch and the Golems join the fight against the group. “Keep moving, let them fight it out!” Anders pulls Fenris with him getting into another hallway with a chamber at the end. 

“That is the chamber where the sword is.” Iwan races for it the rest with him as he falls to his knees by the smashed chest. Varric picks the lock on another one smiles as he finds jewels and coin pockets a loose sapphire knows Hawke will enjoy it. “Its not here.” 

“Such is the luck on occasion.” Fenris comments checks to see if the next passage is clear, “Where are the Wardens Anders?” 

“Should be a couple of tunnels over if they are still alive and in this area.” Anders answers moving along. 

“Finally made it to the broodmother! Let's get her down boys.” Stroud yells pointing to the massive woman in the middle of the room. Tits, she has 10 of them and her body is massive with tentacles and two arms. As Stroud and the Wardens watch the mother shudders and they watch as one of the tentacles reaches and grabs what looks like an egg that she cradles for a moment before laying down against the wall. Carver is swinging his blade at the tentacle that just deposited the egg sees the mass of dark-spawn come out yelling for victory as blades flash out and arrows fall.  
As Fenris and group arrive into the battle the only thing he is caring about is finding Hawke in this madness. “Varric!” Fenris yells when he sees some of the dark-spawn dragging Hawke behind them as they leave. Varric shoots the ones closest Fenris breathes a bit more when the rest flee leaving Hawke behind as he races to her. 

“I got her Broody, get that monstrosity down and you can worry about her then.” Varric is to Hawke assessing damage does not like the fact she is barely breathing, her arm is bent the wrong way and she is freely bleeding. 

“You are not going to make it without making a deal Tessa.” Vengeance is looking at her at his feet crouches down next to her doesn't touch her yet. He's already intoxicated at the pain clinging to her sees the tiny soul she clings to not willing to let it go. 

“Give me the soul and I will let you live. It is not enough to heal you but you'll live. You will have more, you can have more.” Vengeance hovers over her touches her arm moans at her pain. “Your answer Hawke, your life for the soul.” 

“Take it, forgive me kadan please forgive me.” Hawke cries moves away from Vengeance as he touches the arm again. Then he touches her abdomen the painful sear of his hand has her screaming. 

Anders magic is slipping over her stitching wounds together even as the mage drops with weariness. “I can't do more for her; she's going to have to heal the old fashioned way until she gets back on her feet.”

“What is she doing down here?” Carver is pissed, beyond pissed his sister is down here. 

“Came to rescue you actually.” Varric remarks hands him the letters Merrill insisted he take down here with him to give to the man in case they did see him. 

“Carver?” Hawke looks at her brother in surprise. 

“I did not require a rescue.” Carver greets smiles to take the edge off of the rebuke. 

“I'm actually here at the behest of Nathanial Howe's sister.” Hawke casts her eyes around trying to remember the description given. 

“Ah Deliliah would send me a rescue. Your companions were most helpful in the battle I thank you.” Nathaniel comes into view. He is black of hair, his wiry build and bow on his back marking him an archer. 

“Stroud, good to see you.” Hawke greets the mustached Warden in charge of her brother. 

“You as well Hawke, seems you did not fair well with the dark-spawn.” Stroud indicates her injuries. 

“What is the damage?” Hawke asks curious. 

“Broken arm, and ankle, damage to your kidney and a few other cuts did they make you eat or drink anything?” Stroud is serious about this. 

“Only water, we barely got to the broodmother when all hell broke loose I have not been tainted.” Hawke shakes her head holds it tries to move her right arm finds it not cooperating. 

“I can't heal you more Hawke, your arm is shattered as is your ankle you are not walking out of here.” Anders is to her again removing her armor to get at her stomach finds himself the subject of a dagger. 

“Anders get your hands off me now.” Anders gets his hands away from her knows she won't give another warning. 

“Hawke, I need to get the bleeding to stop. Do not make this any more difficult than it already is.” Anders is reaching for her again sees Fenris catch her hand. 

“You can't heal yourself, let him help.” Hawke bears her teeth at Fenris. 

“Sit me up I'll do it myself, Anders go help the others.” Fenris does as requested Anders dropping bandages on her and leaving. Fenris' fingers are cool as he removes the chest-piece puts the antiseptic on her stomach and then her back putting a bandage that wraps around her entire middle  
holding both bandages and covering the deep claw marks from the hurlock as he'd grabbed and pulled at her. 

“I have your blades; they did not take them when they took you. You are not soulless.” Fenris points and Hawke sees her handles peeking at her lets go of the breath she wasn't aware she was holding. 

“Litters are ready, let's get out of here.” Stroud orders as Fenris places Hawke on one of the litters keeps a hold of her as she breathes through the pain the movement caused. 

“Hawke I am going to put you under for this, you need to heal.” Anders' hand is on her forehead and she is out before she can protest. “When we get her back I want her at the clinic I don't want to try and deal with Leandra with her injured.” 

“You've already said you can't heal her more we'll take her to the mansion I'll keep an eye on her. Keeps her out of your clinic and we don't have to deal with Leandra.” Fenris offers knowing the mage will take it. 

“You don't think I can protect her, you think she will be attacked.” Anders is hurt, part of him knows Fenris is right though. 

“Broody's right Blondie, let him keep her at the Mansion he's the only one able to keep her in a bed if she really decides to get out.” Varric nods to the unconscious form of Hawke watches as Anders nods. 

“I swear I understand about every third sentence of these letters.” Carver hands one to Varric as he reads it. 

“You should learn to read Elvin; she'd communicate better with you then.” Stroud knows about Carver and Merrill regrets the fact she cannot join him. “We will stop in KirkWall for a few days if you want to see her Carver I won't stop you.” 

“Commander?” Carver is shocked. 

“We need to let these guys heal enough to travel.” Stroud points a thumb at the other two cots and the general raggedness of his 12 Wardens. 

_Sunlight dapples the ground the shadows the leaves cast as they sit in it remind me of your hair and the way we laid under the tree for hours talking about everything and nothing. I miss your smile, the way it lite up the room and the way it was always ready for a joke._ “Okay got that one now how does the next sentence actually tie into the other one?” Carver reads the note, _I saw Isabella today we talked about the ocean and how after a week the men all smelled horrible._  
Varric takes it and shakes his head, “Good to know she writes like she speaks.” Varric hands the note back looks over where Hawke is asleep on the litter with Anders close. “When she didn’t come home with you, she couldn’t face Merrill. For your sister’s prickly nature she really does have a heart of gold.” 

Carver looks at Varric, checks to make sure Hawke is indeed asleep. “I hate I wasn’t there for Bethany, I hate that she had to deal with that on her own. I hate that she had to face mother on her own.” Varric keeps his mouth shut on that one. “No need to say anything on that Varric, I am well aware of how much my mother hates Hawke. You forget I grew up in that house, when we came to Kirkwall it just got worse.” Carver re reads the note in his hand passes it to Varric, “Okay I got nothing for this one; I think I am missing the one between these. How did that all go down between Bethany and Hawke?” Carver asks looking Varric in the eye. 

“Don’t Carver, Sunshine deserved better, what happened to your sister.” Varric shakes his head no, “Hawke will never forgive blames herself for it and always will.” 

“I feel like I am half of me now, talked to another man who had lost his twin said he never knew the world could be so dark as when his twin left.” 

“I agree Junior, your sister was Sunshine, rainbows, that last drop of the best wine you ever tasted she was all of that. She deserved better than to have her throat slit at the behest of a Templar drunk on his own power.” 

“Why did Hawke choose that route? Why did she not just sneak Beth out through the underground?” Carver sees Anders. 

“It was the best option that presented itself at the time Carver; it was also the one we thought would be the safest. If we hadn’t had the abomination with us it might have worked.” Fenris is bitter about Bethany his hate for Anders palpable. 

“What does Anders being there have anything to do with Bethany’s death?” Carver glares at Fenris for a moment before Varric shakes his head no. 

“Don’t Broody, not here not now. Let’s keep the peace at least until we’re back near home.” 

Carver looks at both of them, “One of you will tell me exactly what happened in that church before I leave out of Kirkwall of that I promise.” 

“Your sister didn’t tell you?” Fenris asks cautiously unsure how to handle this situation. 

“No, Gamlen and mother wrote to say Bethany had been killed in the Chantry, had turned loose something horrible that had killed her in the process. That’s when I figured out Hawke was involved but she’s never written to me about it and neither has Merrill if Hawke threatened Merrill to keep her quiet.” 

“Easy Junior, Hawke didn’t threaten Merrill Anders put Hawke to sleep as soon as the soul was reaped. Your wife did was she was ordered to do and I escorted her home. None of us could write about that Carver, none of us would incriminate ourselves that way.” Carver nods, knows Varric speaks the truth. 

“Elves do not write of the dead, it would bring bad spirits to haunt the clan if they did. So Merrill would never do that, she probably wouldn’t speak of it even if you did ask.” Fenris offers. 

“Carver.” Stroud calls and he leaves Fenris looks at Varric and shrugs, “It was what I could come up with at the time it might be true.” 

Varric shakes his head no. “If he asks I will be surprised, he’ll keep Merrill out of that fray if possible so it doesn’t matter.” Varric looks back over at Hawke. “Carver is going to blame Anders, we need to make sure Hawke is awake and able to step in for that I know you have no love for that man but she does.” 

Fenris has a tick working in his jaw, “I know she slept with him. I also know Bethany found out. Beth and Anders used my mansion for the fall out of that, thankfully both kept their magic contained.” 

Varric chuckles at that, “Yeah that was an interesting day and few months after she lands with the Qunari.” 

“Careful dwarf you tread too close.” Fenris warns even as he looks over at Hawke. 

“Talk all you like gents, our leader is locked in the fade until I wake her up.” Anders comes to sit with them. 

“How did you manage to do that?” Varric asks slightly concerned now. 

“Potent sleep spell combined with a potion which will wear off in a couple of hours but the spell should keep her under until I release her.” 

“Anders!” Hawke is struggling to sit up curling in on herself her stomach roiling. 

“Uh huh, well good luck with that.” Varric states even as Anders moves back to Hawke. “Easy, what’s wrong?” 

“Don’t give me blackthorn anything, shit makes me sick.” Hawke is trying to get up to get away from all of them. “Up now, get me up!” 

Carver scoops her up walking away from the group with her sitting on a boulder with her between his legs. “Easy Hawke, I got ya.” Carver hands her a water skin letting her rinse her mouth out and hands her the vial of purple off her belt that she swigs then pukes up. Anders is hovering  
unsure what to do. “No blackthorn, lover’s fern or Heartmask in anything you give her. First one makes her violently ill, second one makes her sleepy third one makes her pissed off.” 

“And horny, Heartmask makes me horny never sure if I want to kill the man or fuck him, very difficult decision.” Hawke is leaning back on Carver. “I miss this.” 

Carver hugs her kisses the top of her head. “I miss you too sis.” 

“I think I am good now.” Hawke leans forward looks down at her leg which is splinted. 

“I get how you woke up from the potion how did you get loose from the spell?” Anders asks curious. 

“You know I won’t answer Anders, why would you ask?” 

“As your healer.” 

“You know what you need to do when you need to; I’d never give information on how to keep me under or how I wake up.” 

“You still don’t trust me.” 

“I trust no one Anders, it is against my nature to trust.” 

“What happened to your shoulder?” Carver traces the scar without touching her. 

“Qunari, was a good fight, I lost.” Hawke shrugs.

Leandra greets Carver warmly, offers the rest of the Wardens a place in her home if they want it which they turn down. Stroud does get his guys comfortable in Anders' clinic knows why they do not take Hawke to the clinic. No one will hunt the Wardens in the city but Hawke will be a ripe target if anyone figures out how badly she is injured. 

“Tessa is injured? Where is she?” Leandra is slightly worried which has Anders on guard. 

“She's safe Ms. Amell no worries.” Anders supplies smoothly. 

“Why won't you tell me where she is, just like her to go down to the Deep Roads and get injured why she can’t do anything right. Only good that came out of this is Carver is here and she didn't even do that his Commander managed to save her and him. He's such a nice man.” Anders stops  
listening at that point excuses himself to check on his patients. 

“She's clean and bandaged for the night, if she wakes up give her this otherwise she should sleep. I will check on her in the morning.” Anders is giving Varric the instructions for the care of Hawke glancing at the wrapped bundle on the bed. It is odd to see her vulnerable and part of him is pissed about seeing her in Fenris' bed even if they are done. 

“Arishok.” Fenris asks the gate Karasaad notices the man take a whiff knows he smells Hawke on him. He'd brought Sten's dagger with him in case he needed something to get him in to see Arishok. 

“Shanedan Arishok, maraas shokra anaan esaam qun.” Fenris salutes Arishok sees Sten coming towards them out of the corner of his eye. 

“Shanedan Fenris, why are you here.” Arishok is watching the elf testing the scents he gets wonders why this man is here and his mate is not. 

“Hawke was injured; she is at my house for the duration of her healing. I came to ask for Healer to attend her I know she trusts him.” Fenris doesn't back away as Sten walks towards him hands the dagger to him. 

“She would not let you have this if she could fight for it.” Sten says the word carefully watches Fenris. 

“That is why I brought it and not her souls, she has them she is intact.” Fenris is just as wary of Sten as the Qunari is of him. 

“Healer will accompany you back to her, I do not like that she is there without protection. You will not leave her unprotected again Fenris.” Fenris bows his head knows the Arishok doesn't consider Varric protection certainly not enough for Hawke. 

Sten and Healer walk with Fenris to the mansion not bothering to hide where they are going and Varric raises an eyebrow at the Qunari but doesn't say anything as the two walk towards Hawke. “You must be Sten.” Varric eyes the man who removes his helmet fixes eyes on the dwarf.  
“I am and you are Varric, this is Healer.” Sten indicates the man who is carefully checking Hawke. He's never officially met any of Hawke's companions, he knows Varric and Fenris know of him but that is about it. 

“Your healer did well with the bandages, any idea how she shattered the arm?” Haler is pinning Fenris needing to see if the man will give him the answers. 

“She will have to tell you how she sustained her injuries; she was captured for a few hours while we were down there.” Fenris shifts uncomfortably under Healer's gaze. 

“You were told to not allow them to capture her alive, did she have to free herself as well?” Sten is glowering at Fenris. 

“Stop growling Kadan.” Hawke is reaching for Sten. 

Sten goes to her sits in the chair near the bed carefully not sure it will hold him cups her face smiles when she does the same thing. “Kadan.” He rubs his head on hers gently smells her kisses her forehead before he pulls back looks at Fenris. 

“Stay with her if you like, there is plenty of room and a bathroom that attaches to this room.” Fenris points to the bathroom leaves with Varric. 

“Yassin, your injuries are severe though none show infection yet. I will report to the Arishok were you successful in your tasks?” 

Hawke nods, laces fingers with Sten's wants in his lap so bad knows she can't. “None of that until you are further healed Hawke, Sten.” Healer steps out as well and Sten is kissing her hums as she rubs his horns remembers what she gave up to stay alive and tears spill out of her eyes. 

“Kadan? You are safe, you are home.” He is kissing her tears continue to kiss her eyes and has to restrain himself from holding her in his arms. 

“I am so happy to see you.” Sten lays down on his side near her his hand on her stomach traces lazy circles on her chest. There is more to this than she is happy to see him, these are tears of sadness.

When she finally sleeps he goes to find Fenris, “You will tell me what happened down there Fenris, all of it.” 

Fenris shakes his head no even as Sten steps up to him, “She can tell you when she wants Sten.” 

Sten glances at the dwarf wonders if this one will give him answers. “No Sten.” When Sten picks him up Fenris has his blade his markings lite, “Put him down Sten.” 

“What or who did she loose down there?” 

“No one, hell we even brought her brother back for a visit she lost no one down there.” Varric is hanging onto Sten’s hand as the man puts him down. 

“You smell her sadness, you smell her grief yet she is home safe and has her brother this makes no sense.” Sten looks at Fenris again. “I cannot stay.” 

Sten leaves her to heal with Fenris as guard and Anders healing as he can. “Focus on the ankle Anders, I need to get on my feet that is the most important part.” Hawke hides the dagger out of range of Anders, the mage had taken to disarming her whenever he found one near her. 

“After today that should be possible. You ready to tell us who the shattered arm and how the ankle happened? Also why were there Qunari in here earlier? I thought they were confined to the docks.” 

“I really don’t know how the arm was shattered, I was unconscious for that one the ankle was a failed escape attempt, my usual fare. Hurlock in charge of me was decent if a little handsy with the claws how long was I with them?” 

“Couple of hours tops, they wasted no time in dragging you to the Broodmother which worked out for us. Your brother is still here if you want to see him.” Hawke was thoughtful on this. 

“If you can drag him away from Merrill yes I would like to see him. Don’t worry about the Qunari.” 

“Hey Hawke you decent?” Varric asks coming in the door anyways. 

“Most would say no how are the dwarves?” Hawke is sitting up in the bed Anders is unwrapping her arm draws in a breath when he sees it. 

“Damn Hawke, that looks painful.” Varric walks closer watches as stormy gray eyes flash to mask the pain she’d never cry out voluntarily. “They are fine, grateful to you for going down there after them.” 

“When you are finished bandaging this I want to play the lute, you dear Anders are going to help me.” Anders’ hand slips on the bandage for a moment. Recovering he finishes as Varric bring in the lute and hands it to Anders. 

“Sit behind me, this is actually how I learned to play sitting in his lap figuring out fingers and notes as he tried to get me to sing.” Hawke gives a completely unguarded smile as she adjusts the lute. “I can work the fingerings if you would be so kind as to strum. You have nimble fingers, perfect for lute playing Anders.” 

“You’ve changed so much since I first met you.” Anders whispers in her ear. 

“We all have Anders now focus if you don’t get the fingers right this isn’t going to sound very appealing.” Hawke adjusts his hands gets him to strum again. “Easy Anders, stop approaching her like an enemy and stroke her like she means something to you.” 

“Never thought to learn the lute.” Anders is stroking the strings when she asks for them lending her voice in a hum when he gets it right. 

“Not many men can say they can put their arms around Hawke and live to tell the tale.” Carver observes from the door.

“Carver!” Anders extracts the lute from a bouncing Hawke and slides off the bed. 

“Who are you and what have you done with my sister.” Carver jokes getting to the bed and wrapping her up in his arms carefully. “Happy looks good on you, not sure how it happened but keep it up. Good job mage, not sure how I feel about it but if she is this happy.” 

“Carver stop.” Hawke is reaching fingers for her knives darts a hand under the mattress comes up with one. 

“Ah there is my sister! Gonnna throw it at me or just brandish it.” 

“Brandish it, said mage has been taking my weaponry away as he finds it.” 

“Not okay, you have to be armed at all times Anders leave the knives be.” Carver fixes Anders with a glare. “I have other bones to pick with magey here as well.” Carver’s fist meets Ander’s barrier but it doesn’t stop Carver as he tries to pummel Anders. 

“Junior knock it off!” Varric tries. 

“Carver stop, it was my fault Carver not Anders! You want to blame someone for what happened to Beth blame me. It was my call to have her brought to the Chantry, it was my call to bring Anders with me, and I attacked them. She’s dead because of me, you are a Warden because of me.” 

“What is going on in here?” Fenris stands at the door glaring at all of them. 

“He killed my sister, we all told him he would that her association with him would get her killed and it did!” Carver is attacking Anders again only to have Fenris there to stop him. 

“Your sister was my fault Carver, you both trusted me to keep her safe and I failed.” Carver turns his attention to Fenris debating attacking the elf or not. 

“Enough all of you! There was no way to stop what happened to Bethany any more than there was a way to stop what happened to you Caarver. I was here, I could have done something to stop them I’m Captain of the guards. Fenris, you were in a cave locked up there is no way you could have stopped them from taking either Merrill or Bethany. Hawke you were in the Deep Roads as for the Chantry that went the only way it could with the people involved. Now settle down all of you or I am going to toss you all out.” Everyone does settle down, Aveline is just as tall as Hawke her bulkier frame more than a match for most men and her sheer presence enough to make the rest back down. “Hawke, good to see you are indeed in one piece, when you are back on your feet I need to speak with you about some missing people.” 

“Which ones?” Hawke asks warily. 

“Get on your feet first and then come see me. Varric told me you were home alive and well thought I’d check to make sure figured something was up when he told me you were at Fenris’ house instead of the estate.” 

“Shattered arm, broken ankle I’ll be up in a couple of days.” Hawke assured the woman who shook her head. 

“If you are up in a couple of days from those injuries I want to know what your secret is.” Hawke smiles quietly at that. “Thought so, glad to have you back Hawke was an interesting few weeks.” 

“She needs rest folks, out.” Anders gently prods the group watches as all but Fenris leaves. “you okay?” Hawke asks Anders when it is them three. 

“I could ask you the same.” Anders gently sits on the bed this Fenris does mind. Hawke will freely touch the mage will allow him to touch her but not him, never him. Anders doesn’t expect an answer knows it’s too personal a question for Hawke to answer instead hands her a potion along  
with a tray of food. 

“I know the potion made you sick to your stomach, figured you took it without enough food on your stomach thought we might try it this way.” Hawke tentatively eats smiles slightly at the flavor. “Your mother’s cooking is not as good as Oriana’s but it’s decent.” 

Hawke stops eating immediately dropping the fork and pushing the food away, “Did you watch her prepare it, did she tell you to give it to me?” Hawke asks grabs Ander’s wrist in her hand for the answer. 

“No, she prepared it for the entire household I had already eaten so I brought it to you why? Your own mother would not poison you.” Anders is shocked Hawke would think that. 

“She has Anders, it’s been years but she has it’s why I learned alchemy.” Anders shakes his head in wonder doesn’t respond. Hawke takes the food back eats it slowly finished after only a few bites and drinks the potion. “There I am good for the night now go have fun you two.” 

Both leave her be and Hawke dozes fitfully. Hears the snick of blade right before there is a weight on the bed and Hawke is fighting for her life. Up she needs to get to her feet she is rolling to get away from the attackers throwing knives finding targets even as her arm is causing enough pain to almost make her pass out. “You will die Serrah Hawke, the Coitiere has had enough of your interference.” Hawke stabs her dagger in deep to the speakers’ leg trying to keep his dagger away from her throat sees another looming up behind him there is a roar and said attacker is flying away from her and she is barely hanging onto consciousness as the sounds of roars and screams fill the room. Hawke manages to get to her knees is crawling to the bathroom her need to heal blocking any kind of pain she feels as she turns on the water manages to land in the tub feels the pull and sting as bones, muscles and skin try to heal. Arishok is kneeling next to her when she wakes in the tub. 

“Yassin.” Hawke meets his gaze sees the congealed blood in his hair the blood that coats him. 

“Arishok, take me home. Please take me home.” 

Arishok nods, leaves her for a moment returns with most of the blood wiped off and a towel to wrap her in. “Fenris, Yassin has requested to go home, I will have Healer check her when we get there and you may come see her in the next couple of days.” 

“Arishok I,” 

“Katoh Fenris, they came for her at the compound as well, when they failed there I came to make sure they did not succeed here. Someone is paying good money to have Yassin killed, find them and deal with them or I will. Anaam es Qun.” 

“Asit tal-eb, as it will be.” Fenris answers finishes putting Hawke’s gear into her pack handing everything to one of the Ashaads with Arishok. 

“Sleep Yassin, you are safe.” When Hawke wakes again she is in her bed sees her armor on the stand next to Sten’s sees her blades in their holder. Looking around further she sees the tray of food and water enjoys that then spies the crutch. It takes her a couple of tries to operate it unable to  
use her right arm to balance to remember to not step with her leg. 

Feeling the sun on her skin never felt so good, there had been times when they were down in the tunnels she had been convinced she’d dream of the sun. Making her way to the rings she gets there in time to see Sten working with his men one of the Karasaad lifting her onto the platform rubs her forehead in greeting, “Welcome back Yassin, your presence noted.” 

It’s the closest she can get to I missed you in Qunlat “I missed you too.” He leaves to join the rest of the men and Hawke relaxes on the platform is lying on her stomach her arm out away from her when Sten starts to spar with Karasten. 

“Tears?” Hawke looks up and sees Arishok’s knee until he sits next to her on the platform his feet dangling over the side. “Normally when you watch him you are excited, now there are tears.” 

Hawke shakes her head wipes the tears away offers Arishok a smile. “Thank you for last night or whenever that was. Thank you for bringing me home.” 

“We do not abandon our own.” How very Arishok Hawke thinks smiles slightly enjoys the fact her shoulder is touching his leg. “Explain.” Arishok tries again isn’t fooled as Hawke closes her eyes growls when she doesn’t answer. Sten had told him about her tears about her grief he’d been intrigued as well. 

“I do not know Arishok, I am happy to see Sten I am happy to see you I am happy to be home but I look at him and I am sad. I am terrified to lose him, terrified to admit that to you or anyone else. I know you don’t recognize fear. But,” 

“We know fear Yassin we just learn to control it control of yourself Yassin emotions are power do not allow fear into your life with Sten it will doom you both.” 

“So I am guessing my Qunari repellent wore off.” Hawke grouses a bit trying to change the subject. 

“Did you need it?” Arishok asks seriously. 

“I did and it worked, ran into Tal-Vashoth two days away from Kirkwall, they bowed and let us pass. It was an interesting experience.” Both are quiet for a time as they watch Sten with the men his form perfect his steps flawless his attention wholly on the target in front of him. “Aveline needs a word with me now that I am on my feet I will go see her after the sparring is done.” 

Arishok nods stands in front of her. “As you wish.” 

Done with sparring Sten comes to the platform kisses her as she lays on her back to wake her up. “Kadan.” Hawke rolls back onto her stomach moans low as he kisses her. “Want a lift to the baths?” Sten offers and Hawke shakes her head no. 

“Headed to the Viscount keep, need to talk to Aveline.” Sten arches an eyebrow at her then shrugs. “You don’t want me to go?” Hawke is curious about the reaction. 

“You are not recovered enough to make it.” Sten says it flatly. “But this is wasted breath so Panhadean Kadan.” 

As she approaches the gate she is giving serious thought to stopping her stubbornness to prove Sten wrong the only thing keeping her upright when a familiar red head starts striding towards her. “Ah there you are, Varric told me about the attack that you had retreated to the Qunari Compound. Are you sure this was not their doing?” 

Hawke stops the quick defense from crossing her lips indicates the dais where Arishok normally sits eases down onto the steps as Aveline paces in front of her the gentle clank of her armor familiar and brings a smile to Hawke’s face. “What are you smiling about Hawke?”  
Hawke shakes her head, “Just that I love the sound of you in your armor how familiar it is. I miss when you did adventure with us; I miss the banter between you and Fenris.” 

“Nostalgic Hawke, I never thought I would see the day. This is the third time I have been in this place with you and all three times you’ve been the same.” Hawke regards Aveline, the glint off the armor the red hair tied back in a low ponytail and the air of command that rests easily on the shoulders of the woman. When they had traveled together Aveline had deferred to Hawke but been happy to play spokesman when dealing with others sensing Hawke liked to lead from the back, more than willing to make the deal, more than willing to cut the bodies up but she wanted to stay away from people if possible. 

“What is that?’ Hawke asks wincing as she tries to move the arm knows bending it is still out of the picture. 

“At peace, happy, calm when you are here among these men you seem to embrace whatever they are to you. Among the heathens you find civility.” 

“Do not call them that Aveline, they are many things but heathens, demons, ox-head, whatever label you wish to tag to them to demean them they are not. In these walls I have met men with more honor, civility, discipline and diplomacy than anything that is out there. Do you know what they call us?” Aveline shakes her head no sits next to Hawke careful of her leg. “Nothing.” 

“They don’t call us anything?” 

Hawke shakes her head. “They literally call us nothing; until we prove we have purpose to them we are nothing. Depending on your purpose you can be many names to different Qunari you do not become a faceless piece lost in the mass like the Chantry wants to tell you. Instead you become a piece of a bigger picture, each person contributing to the whole like a thread in a tapestry. Without the threads being woven together you can’t see the picture. Who wouldn’t want to be a part of that?” 

Aveline is quiet for a time, until Hawke takes a moment to look at the Captain. “When they leave you are going with them aren’t you?” It is said in a whisper as if she is afraid to say it out loud. 

“I don’t know.” Hawke answered in the same whisper. 

“Well since you are here and I am here and I have patrol in a couple of hours needed you to see if you can talk to the Arishok about these folks.” Aveline hands her a rolled paper. “Names and descriptions of lost people within the past few months that have gone missing, before you go there I know if they have converted Arishok won’t let them go. These families just want to know their children are alive.” 

Hawke hasn’t taken the paper regards Aveline for a moment. “I want your word as Captain if these people are here you won’t try to force the Arishok to give them back or me.” Aveline looks away for a moment. “I will not deal with the Arishok for people that have freely given their consent to be here, I will not force them to leave Aveline. These families must respect the choices they made, you have to respect it.” 

Aveline sighs. “I cannot say what the Viscount will do but as Guard Captain I will not forcefully remove converts from Arishok but if they choose to go back to their families they have to be allowed to without consequence.” 

Now it’s Hawke’s turn to sigh, “I cannot make a deal like that Aveline.” 

Aveline gets up and starts to pace, “Meet me in the middle here Hawke. I am willing to make the concession as Guard Captain you need to make the concession as Ambassador that if these people wish to return to the families you will make an effort to make that happen.” 

Hawke thinks on this looks around knowing Arishok is around somewhere her body is on edge she wonders if this is another test for her. “If the convert wishes to go back to their family, if they are here I will try to convince the Arishok to let them go without consequence, I cannot guarantee that I will be successful and I cannot guarantee or choose which ones he will or will not let go. In exchange you as Guard Captain will not try to forcefully remove the converts that wish to stay.” Hawke puts her hand out waits for Aveline to shake it. 

“Bargain well struck Hawke, now I need to get to patrol here is the list.” Hawke takes the scroll waits as Aveline leaves hands the scroll to Arishok when he comes around the side of the dais. 

“You dealt with that well.” Arishok hums as he says it unrolling the list and looking at it. 

“I tried to give you as much bargaining power as possible to keep the ones that choose while not guaranteeing you would lose the others, I tried to respect your power.” Arishok hums again runs a claw down her back causing Hawke to shiver. “Come we will deal with this.” 

Hawke gets up follows Arishok as he heads to the viddathari section. Arrival of Arishok among them did not cause concern or untold amounts of bowing or notice. Again Hawke is shocked at this, it is respect to bow to your betters, here it is respect to get your job done with no time or room for posturing these people have managed to leap head and shoulders in front of any other society. When Arishok does call for the viddathari they make lines men in front of Arishok, women in front of Hawke and she is struck with the sobering thought of how she deals with souls on top of that is the knowledge she has no idea where they will go as she’s never managed to figure that. 

“Yassin?” One of the women reach out to grab Hawke which she blocks instinctively catching the woman’s hand. 

“Don’t touch me.” The rest of the females seem to shrink away from Hawke and she turns away from the group walks to Arishok. “There is a better way to do this.” Arishok tilts his head waves the males away growls when one approaches Hawke though she turns towards the man. 

“I have information on the attack of Yassin.” 

“Price.” Hawke asks watching the man carefully; he is human and watches her as well. 

“I want a favor at a later date.” 

“No.” Hawke automatically responds hand flicking to knife. 

“I want a night with my wife then.” 

“No.” Arishok says this time. 

“Last chance.” Man says this time looks only at Hawke catches her when she pretends to stumble. “Yassin are you alright?” Hawke feels the fake concern, belatedly wonders if the man might try to kill her now. 

“What do you want viddathari? Must be in my power to give must come within a certain time frame and must be able to be fulfilled in a designated time.” 

“Booze, Orlesian wine if possible.’ 

Hawke smiles at that. “If your information leads to my attackers I will fulfill the request of 1 case of the Orlesian wine deal?” 

“Deal.” 

“Magistrate Vanard has offered a handsome reward to anyone that can kill you, he sees you as a threat.” 

“So he hired the Coitiere okay thank you, Orleasian wine shall be delivered as soon as I can get my hands on it.” Hawke steadies herself again walks towards Healer’s tent with Arishok. 

“How are you going to handle this better?” Arishok asks holding up the paper. 

“Healer.” Hawke answers ducks under Arishok’s arm as he holds the door open. 

“Why is it you cannot follow simple instructions to stay put?” Healer grouches puts her on the bed gently helps her with her shirt eyes Hawke as he walks to the door. 

“You are calling for Sarebaas aren’t you?” Hawke is edgy already. 

“Yes.” Healer agrees waits by the door. 

“No blades, you will submit for Sarebaas Hawke.” Arishok presses his forehead to hers watches as she trembles. 

“Why do you fear them so much?” Healer finally asks smelling the scent coming off of her in waves. Hawke doesn’t answer, too personal and Healer sighs. “If Arishok or Sten asks you that what would you say?” Healer asks curious. 

“Nothing, neither would ask me about my fears I fear nothing. Mate to Sten and Karasaad would never admit fear so I do not.” 

“Yet you stink of it.” Healer observes as Arvaarad comes in with Sarebaas. 

“You stink of elfroot and embrium you state the obvious. Danger is a very real thing, choosing to fear is a choice, control over oneself, of your environment lessens both of those. I cannot choose to not be near Sarebaas and I have not figured out how to deal with it. When I do you will be the  
first to know.” Healer chuckles at that. “Arishok said to submit and no weapons, let’s see how you do Arvaarad, bring it on.” 

Arishok grabs the uninjured arm and leg figuring she won’t injure herself more in her attempt to strike the Sarebaas. Sarebaas walks closer until Arishok growls know he is growling at her Hawke tries to sit still. Blue green lights everywhere her arm an orange green Sarebaas tilts his head backing away a moment before Arvaarad calls him back Sarebaas grunts at Arvaarad speaks quietly looks at Hawke a tick forming in his jaw. 

“Healer, do you have this? I have council.” Healer nods waits as Arishok leaves eyes Hawke warily. 

“All bets are off with him gone so let’s hope Sarebaas got what you wanted.” 

“We are happy you returned.” It is said quietly as Arvaarad comes towards her places his forehead on hers. Hawke’s eyes jump to Healer who is ignoring her for the moment.  
Arvaarad is still standing near her, “Not a word to the men. I must be Karasaad.” 

Arvaarad places a hand on her abdomen, “As you wish Karasaad. It is your choice to tell or not.” When it is only her and Healer she is trying to figure out a way to silence him, feels guilty about trying realizes he doesn't know. 

She won’t tell. “I need your help with the viddathari.” Hawke tells him about Aveline, and the list and smiles when the man produces a list grabs the paper from her. 

“I will match them give the results to Arishok.” 

Hawke leaves headed for Arishok’s tent before she realizes it and waits as there is no answer heads to the work tent. “Enter.” Hawke does, sits in the chair by his desk watches as he works pen to paper reports are neatly stacked the one he is finished with added to another table to dry.  
“Yassin.” 

There is no question in his voice just a silent command which Hawke ignores. “I just wanted to be in your presence.” Hawke admits sees him nod as he works on the next report. She has no idea how long they sit him working and her trying to settle her mind to come up with the words she needs and failing a hundred times. Debates letting Healer tell him thinks it is the coward way out until she sees him shift takes a moment to study Arishok. This is a man utterly in control of his life and it shows there is no ignoring Arishok when he is in the room his presence a commanding one that both intimidates and excites her. Strong fingers grip a pen as easily as a sword and wield both well, his movements are always controlled but there are times with her when control is a word he cannot understand. She has ridden his edge more than once, goaded him into battle with her and both of them have enjoyed it she only wishes she was strong enough that her body was tough enough for him to truly lose control with her. 

Would he touch her again when he found out she had lost a child? Would he deem her still worthy to share his bed when she had failed the only test that really mattered to him? In her heart she knew she wasn’t worthy of him, would never be worthy of a man she greatly respected. Compared to him she is a child, his ability to see the entire battle and only fight for what mattered humbles her. Sten had claimed her but he still enjoyed her, still declared her worthy to bear his children and she had failed at that task. She’d been unable to keep the sacred life safe, had traded it for her own had not regretted it. That is a secret they must never learn, if they knew she had traded a child for her own life she would become a monster for them they would both turn from her. She can’t tell them how would she go back to just being Hawke with them? She had pledged her life to Sten and Arishok, would they take it as payment for the life she lost? 

“Yassin, Kost.” Arishok is looking at her his head tilted in curiosity and she realizes she is out of control. “Yassin, calm yourself calm Yassin.” When he would go to her she shakes her head no. 

“Don’t, I'm fine just give me a second.” She does calm down doesn't let him touch her though she wants Sten. 

When Sten arrives he looks from one to the other. “Take her, she is distressed but refuses to speak of it.” 

Sten approaches her and she is into his arms in a moment he sits down gently placing her in his lap holds her as she trembles and shakes finally she settles rubs over him enjoys his hum. She is exhausted and Sten leans back in the chair keeps her close as he shifts so she won't hurt her arm puts his feet up on Arishok's desk earning a glare is still when Arishok moves papers around hears an answering hum from Hawke as she scratches lightly at his chest soon asleep. “Any idea?” 

“No. That she grieves, that there is sadness, yes I agree but the cause is unknown.” Arishok answers finishes stacking papers manages to put papers away so he has his feet up on the table that flanks his desk. “She will tell you eventually.” Sten shrugs at that runs his hand down Hawke's injured arm gently sees her settle again both sit in silence for a time. “Bring her; we will have Sarebaas heal her ankle while she sleeps she needs to be on her feet.” Arishok stands know Sten follows as they head to the Sarebaas watches as they heal her. When she wakes up to being surrounded by Sarebaas Hawke is off the table grabbing knives screams as Sten grabs her arm to make her stop. 

“Easy Kadan, they are helping.” Sten reasons and keeps a hold of her. 

“I don't care get me the fuck out of here now Sten or so help me I am going to start slashing with your soul.” Hawke is reaching for the blade on his back as he carries her out of the tent releases the blade as soon as she is out of the tent she is debating violence. “Remember the communication thing? This falls under that.” 

“This was Arishok's idea not mine, I was following orders.” Sten indicates Arishok watches as Hawke turns her furious gaze at him. 

“Your wrath is not enough to undermine what was done, you should be grateful.” Arishok crosses his arms and sets his face to look like a statue. 

“I am but this still falls under the communication part of the relationship that I have with Sten unless you told him to not discuss it with me.” Hawke glares back at her mate again. 

“I did not.” Arishok won't offer up Sten to his mate the only way they keep ahead is to gang up on her on occasion. 

“You’re both.” Sten cuts her off with a kiss.

“You need to hunt Yassin, those that tried for you will continue.” Arishok’s logic is sound and Hawke sighs. 

Hawke heads to Healer in the morning her ankle still twinging, her arm still a motley of bruises but she is walking and her arm can work. “Yassin, tea.” Healer offers the cup though Hawke doesn’t take it. 

“I think we need to change the blend.” 

“Why? You do not carry Arvaarad said so yesterday.” 

Hawke smiles at that, he’d told the truth she didn’t carry no one thought to ask if she had carried. “We both know after a time a body will build immunity, I do not want to carry I want to make sure I don’t I’d rather not take the chance of the tea not working.” Healer crosses his arms and looks at her. She’s never been able to tolerate his gaze for long, he who seems to rip away all her bullshit and see the problem without even trying. “Don’t ask me Healer, please don’t.” Hawke walks to him and puts a hand on his arm. 

“If it was Arishok’s.” 

“I would have told him immediately I’d never have risked it.” 

Healer nods, “We will change the blend, you will submit to monthly Sarebaas. It is nearly impossible for Humans to carry Qunari children, you aren’t made for it none of us wanted to risk it though.” 

“I thank you for that.” Healer has her drink the cup. 

“We’ll change the blend now watch me prepare it.” Hawke spends the next couple of hours watching him sees its time to practice with the men. “Go, I will have the new mix for you tonight this one might make you sick to your stomach.” 

“Lovely.” Hawke shakes her head forms up with the men trying to get her muscles back. 

“Karasaad, step step step thrust full follow through with the blade and don’t stab the man in front of you in the back!” Sten chastises as Hawke does nearly that very thing. “Focus Karasaad, your mind should be on the task at hand not drifting.” Sten paces through them and corrects a few of  
them and then sets them to sparring. 

Hawke is one handed and as her partner comes at her with his big blade she knows she can’t stand against even one hit. Sparring against a 7ft giant with another 5ft of steel with one sword that is only 3ft of steel is interesting. She is holding her dagger, all 1ft of it in her injured hand and as he comes at her with that steel she tries to block it ends up nearly skewered on her own blade in the process and he ends up trying to check his swing at the same time. She is damn lucky as she drops the blade to get her arm out of the way Karasaad has that much control. “Yassin!” He grabs her to check her nearly yanks her off her feet in the process Hawke can feel his concern and slight smugness he’d almost got her. 

Hawke pops him in the chin with her fist snapping his head back. “That’s for calling me Yassin.” She salutes him with her blade. “That is for your control and for getting in my guard. Let’s see if you can do it again.” 

He’d taken the challenge and as she sat in the water with a few of the others she is happy and sore. “Yassin, Arishok.” Ashaad calls and Hawke sighs, she had just put soap in her hair goes to the edge of the tub looks down at Ashaad. 

“Give me two minutes and I will go.” Ashaad crosses his arms causing Hawke to sigh she swears they watch to make sure she is either covered in soap or shampoo to call her. Dunking her head back she is surprised as fingers trace through her hair helping to get the soap out looks to see it’s the Karasaad who’d sparred with her earlier. 

“Arishok does not wait.” 

Hawke rolls her eyes at that, “Indeed.” 

“Dress, I will deal with armor.”

Hawke nods, “I will care for your soul for a week.” 

“Two days only go Yassin.” Hawke is dressed and strapping on belt and blades as she hurries to Arishok Ashaad growling and tucking a strap in when she would leave it. This is not her favorite Ashaad, he has never approved of her or humans in general, he’s not rude just not nice. When she would knock she is shoved into the tent barely catching her balance is caught and steadied by a hand. Smugness, desire, anger is radiating off the man as he releases her and she sees the visitor. 

“Magistrate Vanard, I am surprised to see you here.” Hawke inclines her head looks to see exactly what Arishok has planned here. 

“I am surprised to see you alive Serrah Hawke, rumors of your death are rampant right now.” Hawke does not remove his hand from her allows him to run it down her arm a show of kindness as he hands her into a chair. 

“Rumors of my life are rampant as well.” 

“I am here to secure some trade agreements with Arishok; he said he would not deal with me without you here wouldn’t explain why.” 

Hawke doesn’t need to look at Arishok to know despite being across the desk he can easily get to this man if needed. “You have not proven worthy to deal with the Qunari, I can vouch for you but I would need some assurances before I do.” 

“Are you still unmarried Serrah Hawke?” 

“I am. I am also not interested in.” 

“Before you say another word let me finish my offer.” 

“This offer will not get you trade with the Qunari, want to talk marriage fine we can do that but not here and not now. Want to talk trade with the Qunari I am all ears, do not waste my time Ser I have other business to conclude today.” 

“You may be noble but you do not have the clout to dismiss me so easily out of hand.” 

“I apologize Arishok, it would seem Magistrate Vanard has come to waste both of our times, I am headed out I will escort him.” Hawke is up headed out of the tent. 

“Wait, do you remember the last time we were together?” 

“I do, you poisoned me, would have raped me and forced me to marry you.” 

“I assure you Serrah; if I had wanted you I would have you.” 

Hawke takes a deep breath. “I am still waiting for the Qunari offer or are you leaving with me?” 

“Why?” 

Hawke spins, “I didn’t have enough power to bring you down. Your son is a mage and a killer who wanted to die but I agreed to the terms of alive and to you. I delivered on those terms, I always fulfill my contracts magistrate, always. Your death creates a power vacuum I don’t need to deal with right now. Your line of succession is shaky at best you don’t have enough time to remarry and produce another child and wait for said child to maybe grow up correctly. I would recommend your daughter’s husband Ser Gast. He has the clout and your daughter’s shrewd with the power she’d keep him under control. But again this has nothing to do with Qunari so again get to the point or I will.” 

“I want to trade spices with the Qunari.” He finally says. 

Hawke looks to Arishok who is quietly watching this exchange. “Fine, draw up the details I will present it to Arishok is there anything else?” 

“No, I will get the proposal drawn up.” 

Hawke nods, “If you wish to discuss anything else with me please send a note to the estate and I will meet with you.” Hawke pauses as Vanard waits for her, “Arishok, I thank you for the audience; I will take care of the preliminary negotiations and present them when I have them ready.” 

“Panahedan Yassin.” 

Hawke nods ducking out of the tent to walk with Vanard. When they are between tents Vanard grabs her, she’d known he would but is surprised by the strength of the man even as he has his hands around her throat. “You embarrassed me, you should be dead!” 

Hawke is still working with only one arm closes her good hand around his wrist trying to pry him off finds that is not working reaches for knives even as Vanard is pried away tossed like a doll away from her. Hawke is bent double trying to get air into her lungs to breathe. “We were doing so well too Vanard.” She chokes out manages to place a hand on Arishok as he stands between them. 

“Yassin, he attacked you in my compound.” 

“I know and I will deal with it but not here and not now.” 

“Yassin.” 

“There is more at stake than just me.” Arishok waves and two Ashaad come and grab Vanard. “Arishok.” Hawke is afraid he will kill the man. 

“Throw him out of the compound, he is not allowed back. You owe your life to Yassin human, remember that.” When Vanard is out of sight Arishok glares at her, “Attend me in my tent.” Fuck, he’s pissed. Hawke heads to the mess tent, grabs food for them sees Sten who crosses to her growls at the marks on her throat. 

“Interesting day?” Hawke nods. “Arishok?” Hawke nods again Sten adds the teapot and two cups to her tray. When she gets to Arishok’s tent she places her blades on the holder sets their food and warms the tea. 

He comes in and sees the food and tea walks closer to her tipping her chin with a finger. “He has hurt you repeatedly. Yet he lives, why Yassin.” 

Hawke cuts her gaze away from him his race does not play politics would not understand what Vanard is trying to accomplish. “He is trying to win the war.” Hawke finally answers looks towards the food Arishok nods and sits with her. Hawke eats in silence she always has. Done she waits for  
Arishok clears their plates sits back down. 

“He wins the war by showing he can hurt you and live.” 

Hawke nods, “Before I got the estate he invited me into his home, drugged me and would have raped me if Fenris hadn’t stopped him. If he had managed it I would have had to marry him. He asked me to bring in a criminal that had escaped, it was his mage son that was taking and raping elvin girls. I brought him in and turned him over to the guard rather than kill him as many of the parents would have requested. He was found not guilty at the trial, was killed by one of the parents whose children he had messed with but I was blamed for not taking justice. After the deep roads he requested my hand in marriage, I refused. Now he does this, he wanted you to kill him in the compound he wanted the incident. Heathens attack harmless and prestigious magistrate while the Ambassador does nothing.” Hawke is up and pacing gray eyes flashing. “Now he will either try to kill me again or offer marriage again so the attacks will stop his might and clout more than able to protect me in his strong arms.” Hawke says it mockingly shakes her head in frustration. 

“What is your plan? Come in Sten.” Arishok looks at Sten sees his second only has eyes for his kadan. 

“It would be a shrewd political marriage but I have someone else in mind.” 

“You would marry one of the Bas?” Sten asks curious even as Hawke shakes her head no. 

“I am yours. I am Arishok’s I would never allow a Bas male to touch me after you they are not worthy.” Hawke turns away from the temptation that is Sten continues to pace. “I will agree to marry Seamus, Viscount’s son. Only one with enough clout to keep the Magistrate in check and he owes me a favor or three.” 

“Seamus is Viddathari, but not Quanri.” Sten is curious where she is going with this. 

“He also enjoys men, well played Yassin.” Arishok smiles. 

“Engagement only, Seamus is just against any kind of marriage as I am.” Hawke nods likes where this will work out. “Sten I am missing afternoon drills, I have a marriage to arrange.” 

“Kadan.” It’s the low command, the one that makes her flush from head to toe the one that makes all coherent sentences fly right out of her head. 

“Here now?” Hawke asks hips swaying as she walks towards him. 

“No.” Arishok says calling her out of the trance has her looking at him. 

“No you don’t like my idea, no I can’t miss drills, no I can’t have sex with Sten right here right now I need specifics here Arishok.” She is slightly exasperated at Arishok. 

“Attend to your business Yassin.” 

Hawke walks to him places her forehead on his and rubs, “Thank you for the save, thank you for listening to me.” 

“Always Yassin.” 

Hawke turns away from him walks with Sten back to their tent stripping weapons and placing others on. Armor on she does kiss Sten rubs against him leaving for her house. 

Walking through the front door she is greeted by Sandoval, Orianna and Bodhan. “Where is my mother?” Hawke asks causing all three to stare at her again. 

“She is in the library.” 

“Okay thank you.” Hawke heads up the steps stripping armor placing it on the stand stripping weapons as well gets into the bath when it is full. Scrubbed, polishes, brushed and put into one of her dresses she heads down to talk to her mother. Gamlen is there with her and they are speaking low her mother laughs and Hawke pauses to admire the sound. 

“Tessa? Good to see your alive and well.” 

Hawke sighs at this greeting keeps the smile on her face. “Mother, Uncle Gamlen.” 

Leandra runs a critical eye over her daughter, not liking the dress almost fussing about the shoes but she stops knows if she says a word Tessa will likely run from her. They speak of nonsense things like weather and politics until Leandra sees Tessa start tensing up. “How may I help you dear?” 

“I would like to consider marriage again.” Leandra looks at her daughter hard, sees the healthy sheen the sharp angles are softer she seems happy. 

“Why?’ Gamlen asks watching Hawke with interest. 

“I think it’s time.” Hawke answers evasively. 

“Do you have someone in mind?” Leandra asks carefully. 

“Seamus.”

Gamlen laughs, “as in Viscount’s son Seamus?” 

Hawke shoots her uncle a glare. “Yes, the viscount’s son. I’ve done well for us, I am well respected and he and I are decent friends.” 

Leandra nods, “Viscount has already offered the contract I will see what I can do.” Hawke nods and gets ready to leave. “Let me take you shopping today Tessa, you are dressed nicely and I would like to at least replace those shoes on your feet.” 

Hawke smiles and nods. As Hawke and Leandra shop she sees the messenger coming towards her. “Serrah Hawke, this is for you.” 

Hawke takes the message opens it carefully, “Nice Dress, P.S Your dagger’s showing.” Hawke laughs shaking her head as she spots Varric and Anders at another of the stalls. 

“Off to join your friends dear?” Leandra asks seeing where her gaze goes. 

“No, I will stay shopping with you until you bade me leave. These shoes are much better than the ones I did have thank you.” 

“If you are going to woo a Viscount’s son you are going to need to dress better than that.” 

Hawke nods, “Let’s get the ball rolling and I will tolerate whatever dress you will put me in.” 

Leandra tilts her head to look at Hawke. “I am glad to see you Happy Tessa, I am happy to see you at peace. If Seamus can maintain that then I will make sure you two make it down the aisle.”

“I am sure we will be happy together.”


	51. Bartrand

Varric sips from the ale his feet up as he faces the fire watching it dance. It’s a quiet night for this table Hawke’s various companions off doing their own thing for the night. Firelight catches the ring on his finger, the crest of his house as it glints and thoughts turn to the man who wore it before him. When he’d first heard of Hawke he’d been intrigued not because of the wealth of information he got but from the lack of it. Finding out about Carver had been easy, the warrior was large, loud and courteous. Sunshine had been damn hard to find out about his inquires hitting dead end after dead end until he’d called in a favor with the leader of the Red Irons. 

It wasn’t that Hawke wasn’t well known it was no one wanted to talk about her, woman of her word was the only thing he’d managed to find out about her until he’d seen the brother in the Hanged Man call out to her as she walked in. Hawke was tall for a woman, long and lean a true predator and the fact she wore the trappings of rouge rather than a warrior surprised Varric. Then he’d watched her move and figured it out, where the brother stomped his tread of someone needing to be noticed Hawke glided the shadows reaching and caressing her like a lover. Her eyes always moved her fingers caressing her blades when she wasn’t twirling one. He’d told Bartrand to turn them away, Varric saw beneath the mask Hawke showed the world. This was a woman with a story, this was a woman who channeled correctly could earn a lot of money for him. As Aveline had once said Hawke was good for both sides of his business, coin and bullshit. 

When Hawke had lost her brother to the Wardens, when she’d lost her sister to a blade he’d truly feared for his brother. That her brother still lived, that the Chantry was the fault of Templars would never register in the mind of Hawke. If Bartrand hadn’t locked them in the vault, Carver would have been fine and she would have been home in time to keep her sister away from the Templars. He truly wanted his own brother dead for what had happened but that was his older brother, for all the hate they shared they were partners. 

“Varric.” Hawke greeted as she sat in the chair next to him. 

“Hawke.” Varric slid his eyes to the woman and her eyes had fallen to the ring traveled back to his face. She’d presented the ring to him as proof the contract was done. Their relationship after the events of that night had frosted considerably. He’d been appalled she’d been willing to throw away his friendship for revenge, she’d reminded him she was leashed to a demon named Vengeance. Blue eyes capture gray he knows the look it’s the calm before the storm and he wonders if she’d kill him if the price was right. 

“No.” Hawke whispers and kisses his forehead swiftly before running a hand down his face and linking her fingers with his. Varric who can spin anything into a story, is rarely silent for more than a few seconds cannot think of a single thing to say to this woman. Glancing back at the fire they sit in silence his mind recounting that night like a nightmare that won’t let go. 

She’s busy, don’t tell her he’d told himself over and over when he’d found the information about the fact his brother was back in town. Finally after years of hiding Bartrand had returned to KirkWall probably to get more money. When they’d come back from the second trip to the Deep Roads Varric had a lone message from one of his contacts saying Bartrand was in town. When he’d found out he was still in town he’d debated how to handle it. He’d taken Fenris, Anders and Isabella with him to confront his brother convinced himself he would get the lay of the land and then tell Hawke. 

He should have known better, when he’d gotten to the house his brother was staying at the servants had been scared and the brother he’d loved and hated in equal parts had been driven mad by the idol they'd found in the vault. He’d been ready to kill his brother, had battled the crazed servants that had attacked him along with the mercenaries. Anders had used Justice to try and help Bartrand and it had worked, his brother was insane but he was not the raving lunatic of before. 

His mistake had been inquires into the asylum to put Bartrand. Hawke had found out and not two nights later presented him with the ring after Merrill had commented on it. “Hawke, why would you wear a ring around your neck?” 

Hawke had taken the ring off her neck showed it to Merrill, “It’s Dwarven a Crest actually it belongs to Varric now.” Varric had caught the ring out of instinct dropped the ring on the table when he’d realized what it was. “Our contract is complete Master Tethras feel free to contact me if you need anything else.” Anders had sucked in a breath then putting together exactly what it all meant. 

“Hawke.” Isabella had looked at her and then at Varric shaking her head and pulling Merrill up. “Let’s go throw some darts kitten, anyone care to join us?” 

Table had emptied quickly leaving Hawke and Varric looking at each other. “Don’t even try lying to me about not knowing he was in town his soul was very talkative.” 

Varric had braced his hands on the table. “You tortured him? Is my family going to be able to recognize him to bury him?” 

A troubled look had crossed Hawke’s features then. “You were not clear on the method in which you wanted him to die, his death was quick, clean and painless for all you wanted him dead you did not hate him. Body is still there.” Hawke is still watching him. 

“If I had wanted him dead I would have told you where to find him.” Varric had finally said his breath quiet. 

“You are not the first client to have second thoughts about a contract it is why you hired me you should be thankful I was merciful I am not always.” 

“Why would you do this? You had to know this might cost you me? Do I mean so little to you?” 

Hawke had stood and walked to him she’d grabbed his hand and pulled him up. He’d followed curious where she was taking him until she’d closed the door on his bedroom sat in the desk chair releasing him to pace or sit as he wanted. “He was a blood debt Varric, even if you hadn’t said you wanted him dead I would have still killed him. My relationship with you with any of you will never give me pause to complete a contract. On that same breath I would never accept a contract to kill any of you. I am incapable of more.” Varric shakes his head at Hawke clenches his fists he wants to curse, scream hit a wild thought has him attacking Hawke. “Attack me Varric and I would subdue you but I would not kill you. Grief and rage are interesting in their ability to control our actions without much input from us.” 

Varric glares at her realizes every time he passes by in his pacing Hawke is stroking him feeling what he does her abilities and knowledge of him giving her almost mind reading abilities. When he sits on the bed Hawke stays where she is at. “Blood debt or not I should have been given a choice.” 

Hawke shakes her head no, “I gave you a choice, you chose to hide him from me, I lost my siblings because of that man Varric, be thankful I did not hunt you or another. Be thankful my Vengeance was sated with one life.” 

“Leave Hawke, please.” She’d been out the door before he’d finished the word please. She’d let him alone for a few days, she’d been the only one the rest had closed ranks around him offered their condolences as Hawke had avoided them all.

Now she sat holding his hand and he wondered if he would rebuff her wondered if she cared. “Do you all think me that cold?” The question had been whispered she'd arched an eyebrow at him when he remained silent. “You asked if I cared., I asked if you all think me that cold.” Hawke prompts. 

Varric didn't realize he'd spoken aloud. “I know you are not, I see you love I have seen you grieve and I have seen you happy so no I do not see you as that cold but there are times you terrify us.”

Hawke smiles at that, it has no warmth behind it, that smile is the baring of teeth before she kills you and Varric traces her lips with his free hand. Hawke leans forward again placing her forehead on his, “Good, you should fear me you all should. I do care though, I care for each of you my life would not be better without you.” 

“You killed my brother.” 

“He killed my sister, yanked my brother away from me it doesn't matter it wasn't his hand each action is a rock dropped in the water the ripples reaching and causing more. You gave me a contract for your brother Varric, now when the deed is done you second guess it? Forward Varric do not stop for when you do the wolves will find you.” Hawke sits back away from him now watches him his eyes are green now and she smiles at that. He's the only person she's ever met who's eyes are as changing as the man they belong to. 

“I'll get there someday Hawke, just for now leave me be.” Hawke had nodded, as he'd watched her walk across the tavern and back out the door he'd almost called out to her almost wanted assurance this wasn't the last time he would see her and as he moved his hand he felt the weight and looked down. In his hand was one of her boot knives and he'd smiled at that. Looking at the handle he falters at the inscription. “Bethany” This would not be the last time he saw Hawke, if nothing else she would return for the knife.

His intention of not seeing Hawke for several weeks was dashed when the buyers had said the house was haunted. “Hawke.” Varric had arrived at the compound and seen Sten at the gate. 

“Varric.” Sten says it without any inflection doesn't move to allow him in merely looks at him with the mask in place. Knowing she takes this one to bed does not make him any less intimidating nor is it reassuring when Sten doesn't move. 

“Is Hawke here?” Varric tries a question is met with a stony visage again. 

“Varric?” He spins sees Hawke walking towards him her face a blank mask but her eyes once she is close enough are a full blown storm. “You require me?” Hawke stops when she is close her body angling to be closer to Sten putting herself within reach of him. 

“Yes, need your help with a problem if you aren't busy tonight.” Hawke arches an eyebrow at him. “I'm still pissed but I'd feel more comfortable with you there than not.” Hawke sighs looks up at Sten signals for him to follow her into the compound. Sten opens the gate follows Hawke along with Varric as she beelines for their tent. 

“Yassin, attend me.” Arishok sees her with Sten doesn't see Varric until he'd already uttered the phrase arches an eyebrow. 

“Arishok?” Hawke is to him immediately her long legs crossing the distance quickly even as Sten and Varric wait. 

“Yassin.” It is a purr that rolls over Hawke and sets all of her nerves on fire even as she locks gazes with him. “We were to have lessons tonight.” Hawke nods, he’d agreed to teach her the pronunciation of more words her vocabulary is better but her pronunciations lead much to be desired. 

“I will accomplish my task quickly and return to you as soon as possible.” Arishok had twisted where his back is to Varric and Sten Hawke places her hands on his chest hears his pleased hum when her body flushes with need. 

“No time for dinner Sten, Varric what do you need?” Hawke is walking back towards them her mask back in place her breathing calm and even though Sten trades a look with her. 

“Bartrand's place is supposedly haunted wanted you to come help me check it out.” Varric follows her back to the gate is surprised when Sten grabs and holds her for a moment. 

“Kadan.” Sten growls as Hawke spins to face him. 

“Sten.” Hawke answers her gaze does not soften and she does not kiss nor greet him as Kadan. 

“Panahedan Kadan.” Hawke steps towards him and throws her arms around him kissing him even as Varric is chuckling. Sten growls and puts her down his hands lingering his love of her evident she stands on toes runs a finger down the side of his neck where Arishok's mark is on her and he nods. 

Out of the compound Hawke looks at Varric even as the dwarf is still smiling at the display of affection. “Want to bring Blondie and Broodie for this?” Hawke nods already headed to the Hanged Man knowing they will be there. 

Anders is sitting with Fenris, Isabella and Aveline when Hawke and Varric walk in and Hawke stops at the door waits for Varric to approach the group and sees Fenris and Anders head towards them. “Hawke, come see me when you have time.” Aveline walks towards her and through the door even as Isabella walks up to her. 

Hawke isn't expecting the slap but still catches Isabella's hand before it makes contact with her cheek glares at her. “Damn you, you shouldn't have done it and you know it. Did it make you feel good? Did you enjoy it?” 

“Yes Isabella, I did and I always will remember that when you are trying to admonish or lay hands on me.” Hawke releases her steps out of her way though Isabella steps back in front of her. 

“He shouldn't need to forgive you but he will.” Hawke has her hand around Isabella's throat tosses her through the door out into the street. 

“Hawke!” Varric, Anders and Fenris follow even as Isabella is launching herself at Hawke who sidesteps grabbing Isabella by the hair pulls her back in front of her connecting with a fist to the cheek still maintaining the hair hold and flipping Isabella onto her back. 

“Don't step into a fight that is none of your business. Varric is more than capable of fighting his own battles. I have places to be Isabella, always nice to see you.” Hawke starts walking towards Bartrand's home knows Anders is healing Isabella notices Fenris is still with her.   
“You choose me over her?” Hawke is curious even as Fenris shakes his head no. 

“I choose neither of you, she is protecting her friend the only way she knows how she understands both of your sides the same as all of us but she is choosing Varric and you can't blame her for that.” 

“I don't blame any of you for anything, asit tal-eb” Hawke shrugs as Varric and Anders join them. 

“Did you have to fight her?” Anders asks. 

“That she lives is a blessing and you know it. Leave it and let us be done with this.” Hawke indicates the door which Varric unlocks. 

“Demons, shades there is something wrong here.” Hawke walks in cautiously. 

“Veil is thin here.” Anders confirms traces of Justice lacing his voice which has Hawke glancing at him. “Peace Tessa, I merely meant to confirm the presence of the veil.” Anders shakes his head sees Hawke watching him.

When vases start to fly Varric is convinced there is another piece of the idol here if not the idol itself. “How is this possible?” Varric asks dodging another vase. When an Ethereal Golem shows up Hawke asks for Justice. 

“Anders can you repair the veil?” Hawke asks when the Golem is finally dead along with the shades and demons. 

“Yes but we need to find the source which is there.” Justice indicates the chest that Varric opens. 

“I was right, there was a piece of the idol here.” Varric doesn't touch it goes to another room and brings a small jewelry box which he upends into his pouch then puts the piece inside. 

Anders had stepped back when Varric had grabbed the box. “Mage Metal? That is enough to let me close the tear I need you to make sure nothing interrupts me.” 

Hawke nods as Justice works to seal the veil more shades come through to attack the group Fenris and Hawke keeping them off of Anders until he sags to the floor. Fenris steps up to the mage though shrinks back when Anders thinks to touch him while glowing. “Back off Anders, no using Fenris' markings without permission.” Hawke has her blade still out steps between them. 

“I would not Hawke, I do not need his markings however my magic always reaches for him will always reach for him.” Fenris places a hand on Hawke's back in silent thanks. 

“I do not think you should keep the shard Varric, you do not want to turn into your brother.” Fenris looks at Varric and the small box. 

“I need to figure out what is going on with this, I need to study it and its properties.” Hawke nods though reluctantly. She agrees with Fenris that the shard should not be kept but it is his choice. 

“It's your choice Varric. Do you need me for anything else tonight?” Hawke puts her blades up watches Varric as he walks around the room the box left on the bed for the moment as he prowls. 

“No, thank you for the help Hawke.” Varric waves her off. Fenris goes to open his mouth about escorting her back to the compound then remembers Anders is there shuts his mouth and inclines his head instead as Hawke leaves. 

When Hawke gets to the compound she heads to hers and Sten's tent sees Sten is not in and his armor isn't either. Stripping blades and armor and taking a quick washcloth bath Hawke ducks out of the tent sees Arvaarad heads towards him. “Kadan?” 

“Baths, I am headed there now we just got back from patrol. Join me?” Hawke shakes her head no. 

Arvaarad leaves and Hawke heads to meditation takes the back route to Arishok's tent sliding under the canvas and removing the trap resetting it when she is through. She is dusting off when Arishok comes in looking at her and then at the back wall of his tent. “I have a trap on it, I needed an entrance that didn't look so conspicuous what do you require of me Arishok?” He'd hooked a hand around her waist drawing her to him dropping his head to run teeth on her neck and she'd reached for him been growled at and she'd dropped her hands placed them behind her back when he'd continued to run teeth up and down her body reacting reaching for him.

“Lessons Yassin, you mangle my language like a child. I will not have you continue to do so, come let us practice.” Arishok steps back from her smiling at her confusion as he leads her out of the tent walking through the camp pointing at objects and having her pronounce them. A few of the viddathari join them as they walk through joining in on the lesson. Arishok answers questions works with the ones having issues with the words until they say them correctly. His ease among them evident though he notices none of the viddathari walk near Hawke, all are careful not to touch her. Hawke sees one of the females reach up to touch Arishok and she places a hand on the woman shakes her head no. 

As they head towards one of the back walls music can be heard and one of the elves looks at Arishok, “Do Qunari ever dance?” 

“Yes, we have festivals and celebrations like when the Antaam came back successfully.” Arishok nods stops to listen to the music. “More drums but there are many festivals and dances for the Qunari you will learn them.” Arishok continues to walk stops at the mess tent as the group disperses leaving Hawke and him.

“I can’t picture you dancing.” Hawke admits looking up at him. 

“I don’t, usually the dancing and celebration is either in my honor or I am off making sure they can celebrate. Rarely does the Antaam dance or celebrate ours the dance of war and the music of peace.” Arishok walks with her back to her tent. 

“Do you ever take the field?” Hawke is curious about this. 

“If I am on the field it is war, there is no quarter given and we do not take converts to face me on the field means death Yassin.” He’d walked off with that Hawke saw movement turned to see Sten leaning against the tent pole watching her. 

“Not the evening you expected?” Sten holds out a hand to her and she walks closer to him a curious look on her face. “What?”

“He has been patient, he is waiting and I know that but I also know he is running out of time and I fear what will happen when time runs out.” 

“Depends on what the Qun demands of him, I cannot say more.” He kisses her then leads her inside to reveal food on the table. “Eat Kadan.”


	52. Happiness

Hawke is sitting on one of the warehouse buildings watching the sunrise, Fenris is with her their hips and thighs touching in a comfortable silence. “It’s been over a year since I lost Carver and Bethany.” 

“You’ve made a helluva difference in this town Hawke.” Fenris throws a rock off the edge to hit a pigeon. 

“Yes we have, still so much to do though.” Hawke hits the pigeon Fenris was trying to. 

“How is Sten?” Hawke glances at Fenris sharply. 

“I am happy let it be.” 

“Arishok will not stay here forever; when he leaves will you stay or go?” Fenris asks and Hawke shakes her head. 

“I don’t know. I truly don’t. He is my Kadan, I wouldn’t want to follow Arishok though. I am Yassin or worthy to Arishok, Karasaad or soldier to Sten and the rest. Healer calls me Vashoth gray though which worries me since that would mean I am of the Qun but have betrayed or rejected it which I haven’t done.” 

“You sound utterly confused about your place in their world. Hawke I know wouldn’t care where she stands in their world and would assign them places in hers.” Varric joins them on the rooftop. 

“I didn’t even know you existed this early in the morning.” Hawke is smiling at the dwarf warmly. 

“If you could see you from my point of view right now you’d be up this early as well, you look utterly radiant Hawke.” Varric means the words. Hawke is relaxed in her armor that is a vest of leather hugging every curve. Her arms are bare to her bracers and shows off part of the bite on the right. Her breeches hug her legs and knee high boots peek over the edge. Her hair falls over her shoulder in a braid half the length of what she used to wear but it’s her face and her eyes that are different. She is truly happy and it makes her sharp lines almost cat like in their grace and beauty. Even her stormy gray eyes seemed to have calmed. 

“I know my beauty is something to be admired Varric, I also know you never do anything physical without someone paying for it so what do you want?” Hawke asks and Fenris laughs at the look on his face. 

“How well you know me Hawke oh how well. Viscount is requesting your presence this morning.” Hawke nods and stands up checking weapons and pouches. 

“Is there anything else on the docket this morning?” 

“Morning no but tonight you might want to lend a hand with the Dog lord cleanup for Aveline.” Varric says and Hawke nods.

“Viscount is expecting you Serrah Hawke.” Bran says and Hawke nods and heads into the office. She has Varric and Fenris with her and Fenris leans against the wall near the door while Varric takes the seat next to Hawke. 

“In the past years you have been invaluable dealing with the Arishok and the Qunari. I am to understand you even speak their language and have married their leader?” That statement has Hawke’s attention. However looking at her you wouldn’t have seen the shift, the cat unsheathing her claws. 

“I do indeed speak the language, I remain unmarried. I know your office is trying to work with my mother about me marrying Seamus. I have no intention of marrying at this time and as far as I know neither does Seamus.” 

“Yes, Seamus and you both have voiced while you aren’t opposed to the match neither of you are in a hurry to make it so.” Viscount says carefully and Hawke nods. 

“I can assure you what I share with Arishok is a strictly friendly relationship and sometimes it’s not even that.” Hawke offers smoothly. 

“Then you will not mind negotiating between him and the merchant’s guild?” Viscount is leaning on his desk his bald head shiny under the lanterns. 

“Varric would be the person you need to talk to about that Viscount. I have no ties to the merchant’s guild nor do I want to.” Hawke is shaking her head. 

“Arishok has requested you be there.” Viscount remarks and Hawke narrows her eyes. None of the time she has spent with Arishok in the past few weeks has indicated he wanted or needed her to do anything. 

“Then I will abide by your request Viscount, do I need to coordinate with your office or just between the Arishok and the guild?” Hawke asks evenly. 

“Guild and Arishok, keep my office informed please.” Viscount dismisses them. 

“Hawke.” Varric offers as they leave the office and Hawke holds up her hand. 

“You will hold your tongue dwarf until I ask you to speak. Too many ears at this time, I need to see Aveline immediately. You will accompany me and stay in my sight.” Hawke barks she is pissed. 

“Afraid I am going to run?” Varric asks irritated.

“I would if I were you.” Fenris says quietly and Hawke levels a gaze at him. 

“Hawke? Good to see you.” Aveline is in her captain’s regalia and Hawke takes a moment to appreciate the quiet in the Captain’s office. Aveline runs this office like a kingdom and she runs it well. Aveline has known Hawke for a very long time too and knows the younger woman is walking a very fine blade’s edge between killing someone and maiming them. “Hawke what is wrong?” Aveline asks leaning back in her chair looking at Hawke. 

“She had the rug pulled out from under her in the Viscount’s office and you know how much she hates surprises.” Varric finally offers when it looks like Hawke isn’t going to answer. 

“Arishok? It is getting bad Hawke, some see you as a sympathizer, and some see you as a mediator. Either way things are coming to a head with the Qunari and you seem to be in the middle” Aveline watches Hawke as she paces back and forth twirling a dagger. 

“Just because I see the Arishok on a regular basis does not mean I have anything other than a friendly relationship with him. You don’t think there is more there do you?’ Hawke asks and Aveline frowns. 

“Who keeps your bed warm at night has never concerned me Hawke, you made it very clear years ago any and all questions about that were to never be voiced.” Aveline is careful here and Hawke notices it. 

“Really? You have seen me with him and you think him and me? This cannot go on like this.” Hawke shakes her head the blade twirling faster and faster now. Fenris walks to her catching her wrist and pulling her to him putting her arm behind her back but having her head land on his chest and putting his chin on her head. 

“Breathe Hawke, just breathe.” Hawke doesn’t snuggle into him, doesn’t drop her absolute rigid pose and Fenris regrets that, regrets she won’t even touch him. Suddenly Hawke is away from Ferris and pacing again. 

“Thank you Aveline, what time are you hunting tonight?” 

“Sundown.” Aveline answers and Hawke leaves. 

“Hanged man now.” Hawke demands and Fenris and Varric follow her. Only when they are at the Hanged man in Varric’s suite does Hawke relax for a moment. “Fenris, thank you. I think I need a moment with Varric.” 

“No.” Fenris says and Hawke looks at him in wonder. “There are many things Varric would tell to the sloppy drunk but the fact you take a Qunari to bed is not one of them.” 

“Careful how you speak of him Fenris, any slight to him is a slight to me and I will not tolerate it.” Fenris puts his hands up in surrender. 

“Have you told Blondie or Justice?” Varric asks and Hawke shakes her head. 

“You two are the only ones I have said a word to, I wouldn’t risk him. Not after Beth and Carver.” Hawke is racking her brain and then it clicks and she is cursing in several different languages at once. 

“How many languages do you speak?” Varric asks impressed. 

“Elvin, Antivan, Qunari, Common and Orlesian.” Fenris answers. 

“Who Hawke?”Varric asks still trying to get there. 

“Converts, Viscount has a spy in the compound, I have to go. Hunting later?” Fenris and Varric barely have time to nod before she is out the door running and then melting into the shadows. Hawke hops the wall to the compound nodding at the Karasaad as she does it and is greeted by some as she goes through. “Arishok?” Hawke asks and they point to the Work Tent. “Arishok.” Hawke says when she enters. 

“Yassin.” 

“I wish a formal audience at your convenience without Sten.” Arishok looks up from the paper in front of him at that. 

“Have you discussed these items with him?” Arishok asks and Hawke shakes her head. 

“As they pertain to Qunari matters and personal things between you and me, it is not necessary.” 

“Otherwise known as he is not going to like this and I am going to need to remind him my will is his will. Yassin I do not like your games.” Arishok sounds exasperated. 

“If these were my games you would very much like them, mine involve blood, death and sex all things you enjoy.” Hawke winks at him, tries to lighten the mood. 

“Viscount’s then, I tire of the city. I want to go home.” Arishok shakes his head levels her with a look. 

“I would love for you to go home Arishok, you leaving would greatly reduce my stress and my limbo.” Hawke twirls one of her daggers in her hand it is a habit she has had for years.

“If I leave Yassin, you and Sten are coming with me if I have to drag you in chains. You’d like that, never mind.” Hawke laughs at that. Arishok does have a sense of humor on occasion. 

“If you are done giving me ideas for bed sport, Viscount wants me to mediate between you and the Merchant’s Guild. Also there is a rumor I am bedding you.” 

“Depending on your definition yes we do.” Arishok slightly smiles at that, more a baring of teeth.

“The way this is being implicated is not appropriate, it is a slight on you and that I will not tolerate.” Hawke frowns not answering his challenge. 

“You do not see it as a slight to you?” Arishok asks quietly and Hawke looks at him tilting her head at him. 

“No, you are Arishok, more than worthy of me.” 

“But you don’t see yourself as worthy of me? You wear the necklace, my mark that say you are.” Arishok indicates both with a hand. 

“Irrelevant, I am Sten’s, my worth to you is worth to the Antaam.” Hawke waves the implications away with her dagger. 

“What the Bas say of our personal relationship is noise, do not concern yourself with it. What of this merchant guild? Can you help there?” Arishok sits back, crossing his arms and watches Hawke begin to pace. 

“Tell me what you require of me? What do you need to do with this guild, what are your goals for Qunari with this alliance?” Hawke looks at him for a moment as she paces then continues. 

“More trade between us and them in and out of the port of Kirkwall.” Arishok answers lightly. 

“You are negotiating for the compound or Par-Vollen?” Hawke asks tilting her head to assess Arishok. 

“Both.” 

“Then you need to talk to Varric, he is a member of good standing and aside from the small tithe he might wish he’d negotiate you the best deal.” 

“He is not of the Qun.” Arishok is utterly still and it is unnerving for Hawke. 

“Neither is the Guild, oh you need Yassin to make it work, fine I will go with Varric and be the silent Yassin that makes this work. You should also know there is a spy in the compound probably one of the converts.” 

“That is not a surprise.” Hawke narrows her eyes at the way he dismisses the threat. 

“You already knew that. Why is it you can't go home again?” 

“That is none of your concern.” Arishok gets up and walks over to her hooking her close with a hand on her waist placing his forehead on hers rubbing. “It has been interesting watching you grow over the years, you have become very interesting Hawke.” 

“I can say the same Arishok.” Hawke answers stepping out of his arms is caught against him as he places her on the desk keeps her hands caught behind her back kisses her his free hand pulling her closer wants her needs her. “Arishok.” Hawke traces her mark on his neck tiny in the expanse of his chest never seen for the necklace he wears. Theirs is the quick tryst before anyone is aware they are missing. 

“Yassin, go. You are mine tonight.” Hawke nods and massages her wrists to get circulation back into them. 

Hawke leaves to go to the rings heads directly for Sten watches the men go through the movements. Sten sees her walk to her smells Arishok on her quickly wraps her up masking the scent. “Arishok.” Sten is asking and Hawke nods know he won't wait up for her. “He is getting careless, you both are.” Pacing off a square he comes at her with his blades. 

“He is Arishok.” Hawke quips knows their audience is paying attention as the teacher and commander trade blows each working off steam from the other. 

“You are Yassin.” This is said in her ear as he steps to her smiles as her body flushes with heat for him. 

“That is not fair.” Hawke glares at him tries to get her body under control again. Smiles as Sten reacts to her body as well use it as an advantage to send him staggering. 

“Hawke.” Karasaad approaches her in the Hanged Man. It’s the way he says her name that has Hawke getting up and motioning Fenris and Varric with her to follow him out. When they get to the compound it’s to the audience platform and Arishok is in full regalia. It's been awhile since she's seen him in full regalia and it's damn intimidating. 

“Hawke, I have a task for you. Dwarf that wanted to trade for the Gaatlock has stolen from us. What he thinks is Gaatlock is instead a poisonous gas. You will want to find this quickly.” 

“You honor me Arishok.” Hawke is bowing out and leaving. “Do you have any idea where the dwarf is?” Hawke asks and Varric shakes his head, “there is a seller in Darktown that has probably seen or know where he is.” Varric is embarrassed and Hawke nods and heads there.

“He’s selling his place in the guild, still has outstanding dues though so if you want him he’s holed up on the wounded coast.” Woman says and Varric pays for the information.

Anders is with them when they find the dwarf and decimate his protection. “It wasn’t me, damn elf set me up said she had something planned tonight for lowtown.” Hawke is looking at the walls of the city swearing as the sun is setting and running. When they get there city guards have closed off part of lowtown. 

“Gas bombs everywhere we can’t let you in.” 

“Stand aside I’ll take responsibility for my own life.” Guard nods at Hawke’s order and they approach the gate. 

“Anders stay here we will likely need your skills when we are done. Varric I won’t risk you, Fenris you can stay here if you like as well.” Hawke says and Anders catches her arm. 

“Hawke.” 

“I will not be pushed on this Anders; you have nothing to dissipate it.” 

“I am going with you Hawke.” Fenris growls and Hawke nods. Hawke and Fenris both tie cloths to their noses trying to cut back on the gas. As they work to close the barrels there are thugs who try to stop them. They get most of the gas closed off when Athenrial shows up. 

“I should have known you would do this.” 

“Me? I didn’t do this you did.” Hawke denies shaking her head at the elf.

“This was going to be blamed on the Qunari, it would have set the city against them and you had to stop it. I should have attacked your precious Arishok maybe that would have been better.” 

“You will not harm Arishok Bas.” Hawk is up the steps to her and she is dead in moments. Hawke is gagging at the poison left over finishes closing the last valve. They get to Anders who heals them the best he can and shakes his head. 

“There is something in the gas; it’s not letting me heal you we need to get you bathed.”

“Go Blondie, I’ll get this mess cleaned up.” Varric offers as his mind already figures out the gas will dissipate quickly and Hawke slips an arm around Fenris and they half stagger behind Anders to the Qunari compound. 

“You were successful, well done Hawke. Baths have been prepared, Sarebaas, you are not allowed here.” Karasaad approach Anders and Hawke has her blades out. She probably doesn't look that intimidating at the moment but her blades out are enough to give them pause. 

“Touch him and it will cost your body parts. He leaves of his own accord Arishok.” Arishok nods, “The gas, does it harm the land how can I be sure it will kill no one else?”

“It will dissipate into nothing, it will not hurt your land or the people. Keep where it was released free for a few hours and it will be fine.” 

“Go Anders, make sure Varric knows.” Anders protests but Hawke gets him out of the gate. “Up Fenris, we have baths to get to.” She loops an arm under Fenris as they stagger to the baths. 

“Hawke?” Sten sees her and growls when Arishok stops him. “Arishok that is my mate.” 

“That is Yassin Sten, you cannot help her.” Arishok reminds Sten is pleased when Sten backs down for the moment. 

“Request an audience when we are able Hawke, do it now.” Fenris whispers. 

“Request formal audience when we are clean Arishok?” Hawke asks looking at Arishok.

“Granted.” Arishok nods and Hawke leads him to the baths. Hawke manages to get Fenris out of his armor and into the bath; Hawke gets her armor off and into the bath as well catching Fenris as he goes under the water. They are using laundry tubs for this event one fits them both barely. 

“Come on Fenris, no drowning, you promised to kill me.” Fenris smiles at that and rallies to get clean.

“You could have gotten her killed.” Sten is nearly roaring in his anger. “There was no need for this risk Arishok, why would you do this?” Arishok sits quietly he can’t acknowledge this rage even if he understands it. Thankfully they are in the privacy of his work tent. 

“She is alive and stronger for the experience.” Arishok finally responds and Sten is trying to control his anger, trying to find his balance. 

“Arishok.” Hawke is at the door when she walks in with Fenris. 

“Yassin.” Arishok greets. 

“What the hell was that?” Hawke is speaking common and is furious. Fenris is responding to her anger markings lighting up waiting for her to name her enemy. 

“That was a theft I allowed that allowed you to flush out one of your enemies. Was the elf not the one you were looking for that attacked you?” Arishok is flawless in his logic, searches her with his eyes to make sure she is truly not hurt. This is another box she has checked off for him, she who is barely affected by the gas that would kill thousands in hours in the right doses. 

“Yes, she said she used the gas to push the city to attack you. She threatened you and I killed her. None will harm you.” Hawke has her arms crossed as she paces a tight circle in front of his desk. Hawke has pushed Fenris into a chair; he is recovering but not as quickly as she has. “Innocents were killed because of this Arishok. My enemies are mine to deal with as I see fit. Why can you not go home?” Hawke asks banging her hands on the desk. He is across the desk and has her on it in a moment. He is between her legs as he holds her by the throat slamming her against the desk when she would fight. Hawke holds out a hand to Sten knowing he is more than willing to attack this man. 

“Leave Sten.” Sten does though Hawke knows it costs him. Fenris has passed out in the chair is oblivious to anything. 

“Shall I give you a lesson in obedience now Hawke?” Arishok offers quietly and Hawke puts her hand on his horn, trying to soothe him and when he bends to accept it she pulls his head down with a jerk smashing his face into the desk as she slides off the desk. 

“No, tell me why you can’t go home, enough of the games!” Hawke doesn't have her blades out but does drop into fighting stance.

“You are Bas in this city of filth. You lack discipline and order, those that would take my order and accept the Qun are hunted and persecuted and yet I am denied Par-Vollen. I am denied it because one in this city has stolen a relic and I must get it back.”

“Dammit, I injured you Arishok.” Hawke has grabbed a rag and is darting past his hands to hold the rag to his nose which is bleeding. Healer is working with Fenris in the chair and Arishok is sitting on his desk Hawke standing between his legs holding the rag to his nose as he rests a hand on her waist humming. “I will find the relic Arishok, now that I know what holds you here I will find it. I should not have attacked you, I have caused you injury and that was not my intent.” Arishok chuckles at this. He tilts her head to the light sighs at the marks on her throat. 

“I should not have marked you.” Hawke smiles at that. “Peace Yassin, find the relic for me. I will tolerate the Bas for a while longer.” Arishok puts his forehead against hers keeps her there with a hand as he rubs and then releases her. 

“I will keep Fenris overnight Hawke, go to Sten.” Healer is brisk with his words frowns at the display of affection between Arishok and Hawke. 

Hawke walks over to Fenris, “Fen please wake up need you to focus on me for a minute here.” Fenris blinks at her and she smiles. “Up Fen, you can’t spend the night in Arishok’s work tent; need to get you to the Healing tent.” Fenris stands and she walks behind him guiding him though frowns when she sees Healer following them. “Lead Healer, do not follow me it will get you killed.” Healer nods and walks in front of them opening the door to the tent. Only once Fenris is in the tent and settled does Hawke lean close to Fenris. “You will not harm Healer, I am safe and I will see you when you have rested.” Fenris nods in understanding and Hawke leaves.

“Kadan.” Sten has her in his arms and she is kissing every inch of him she can reach. He lifts her and she wraps her legs around him even as she leans her back one hand on her waist other on her head. “He marked you.” Sten growls taking her to the bedroll and sliding in as he blankets her. 

“Only after I provoked him, I busted his nose as well.” Sten frowns at that even as he his driving into Hawke her laid out like a feast. 

“Were he any other Kossith I would challenge him for it. It is forbidden to mark another’s mate.” Hawke opens her eyes and looks at Sten. 

“I am his mate as well Sten besides; I am marked on a regular basis by your men sparring, drills, patterns.” 

“You are different Hawke, you are teacher. You are also my mate and I swore I would fight beside you not leave you behind. You are his as well but mine first. My men also know I would kill them if they held back with you. Our enemies will not hold back and you are not the only fighting woman they will ever see.” Hawke has a sudden thought of Aveline squaring off against a few of the Karasaad’s and it makes her chuckle. “What?” Sten changes position pulling her up to him and Hawke smiles as she drapes arms around his shoulders. 

“Aveline fighting the Karasaad gave me pause. She is a true warrior and very fierce with her shield.” 

“Yes she is.” Sten remarks and catches Hawke’s growl in his mouth with a kiss. “Easy Kadan, only you can make me this hard and want you so much.”

Hawke remembers that night, the night she became Arishok's mate. As she lies with Sten her mind traces back, the memory enough to have her reacting even months later.


	53. Tangled

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> smut just lovely smut

Fingers want to scratch her nose but she can't her hands are bound behind her. Opening one eye she sees an ear with earrings in it sucks in a breath as Hawke knows that is the Arishok. Her breathing reminds her about the claw marks along her ribs four perfectly spaced marks with the thumb marks on her back proof her drunk dream isn't a dream. Sliding legs under her she tries to sit up realizes she is pinned by an arm its owner has a scar that traces over the elbow it's one of those she likes to trace with her tongue. She can't reach it being pinned as she is but her movement has woken its owner as he pulls her against his chest his hum to settle her down is echoed by Arishok as he looks at her with half hooded eyes. Arishok leans forward kisses her his hand sliding down to her ass pulls her on top of him Sten catching her as she tosses forward without her hands to catch her. Arishok is in her as she meets him arching back as his hands stay at her waist her moan loud in her ears as she leans forward licking the wound on his neck hears his hum deepen his thrust more forceful as he sits up keeps a hand on her head to keep her on his chest his other hand stays on her waist. “Arishok.” Hawke is close her breath fast sweat glistening on her as she realizes she is covered in his Vitaar the lines on his chest long since demolished in their activities. 

“Yassin, give me all.” Arishok demands Hawke complies feels him join his release emphasized by the bite on her shoulder this one will show even when she is in armor unlike Sten's. Thoughts of him have Hawke looking at him move to him when Arishok releases her Sten grabs her kisses her as Arishok unties her hands. 

Hands that are loose now immediately cup Sten's face presses her forehead to his, “Touch me.” Hawke begs smiles when Sten obliges careful of the claw marks just runs hands over her as she does him as well. 

“Kadan.” Hawke intones as Sten pulls her into his lap traces teeth over her smiles as she rubs over him like a cat. Hawke's always done it with him it’s her way of marking him making sure he smells of her always places her teeth under his jaw gently nibbles causing him to tense his arms around her. 

“I can't until after you are fully bonded with Arishok. He has to formally claim you; it will protect you if something happens to me Kadan.” Hawke's arms automatically tighten at the thought of something happening sensing her distress he keeps her close hums. “Shh, Kadan Kost Kadan I am here you are here peace.” Hawke stays in his lap reaching for her calm lets the hum both are producing calm her as she looks at Arishok from her perch in Sten's lap. Sten has one of his legs bent has his arm resting on it with her in his lap she still only comes to his chin she looks tiny. 

“Yassin.” Arishok purrs Hawke goes towards him struggles when Sten grabs her wrists to bind them again. 

“Kadan, we both know you need to be bound, you cannot mark him at all besides your claim mark. Gentle Kadan, you can't claim him like you did me there is no battle.” Hawke looks over her shoulder at him allows the ropes on her wrists. 

When Arishok cups her head against him he is as deep as he can get their bodies moving to be one his teeth find his mark on her shoulder, “Yassin.” Hawke knows what he wants knows what is needed as she puts her mouth over her mark repeats the words he says feels the tears hit her cheeks as she feels the bond hit her the rippling of it unsure what it means. When she takes her mouth away hides her face on his chest as she gasps feels him shudder as well. “Under the Qun only Sten and Arishok can formally claim, their survival almost certain, know that if I fall I take you with me. If you are carrying it will delay until after the child is born but they will kill you, you will want them to.” 

Hawke had shaken her head at the heavy talk after so much drinking. “Why am I not bonded to you Sten? Why Arishok?” 

Sten had shaken his head and smiled, “You are Yassin Hawke you really don't understand what that means won't until you finish your pillars. To be worthy to mate the Arishok is a big deal there are few honors higher. You do not want children with me but you will have them with Arishok.” Hawke's eyes had gone wild at that her perch on Arishok's lap had almost been vacated. 

“Peace Yassin, not now you are Yassin but you haven't finished your climb. When you do you will understand and I will be at the top to greet you, you will demand the children you will demand your mate and I will answer I will always answer.” Arishok is moving again Hawke wants her mate, needs him moans tracing tongue over his chest.

“Let me have my hands, I will not mark him.” Hawke pleads Sten obliges as Hawke reaches up tracing fingers behind Arishok's ears feels his moan traces fingers behind his horns stroking from base to the edge of the skin feels him shudder more watches as he is quickly losing control. 

“Yassin, do not push me I would not goad you into battle.” Arishok lays her down arches into her as the pillow below her back places her at his angle but Hawke wants more ever one to flirt with danger sits up pushing him back reaches over to the fire pit runs a finger to gather the ash marks herself with it as she paints the same patterns on herself she paints on them with it. She only does a few symbols knowing she does not deserve many of them leans forward as she rides him hears his breath catch as he sees the transfer of paint is not surprised to find herself on her back his claws digging into her waist as he sets a much rougher tempo arches as her release hits them both feels him hanging onto his by a thread wraps her legs around him pulling him closer feels her release pull closer again grabs one of his hands taking his index finger into her mouth swirling with her tongue nibbles lightly on it before swirling again though he pulls out flips her resheathes himself allowing her only a moment to adjust before the pace is back to the same. 

“Sten.” Hawke reaches for him. 

“No.” Arishok shakes his head no 

“I will give him pleasure; you will allow it I am his mate I cannot take pleasure without him.” Hawke grabs Sten's pants has him out and in her mouth while the two debate silently using Arishok's thrusts to allow her mouth to enjoy Sten. 

“Kadan, I cannot by the Qun whoever taught you to do this should be enshrined.” Hawke smiles around him as she keeps the ministrations on him feels as all of their orgasms rip through them at the same time. When Hawke would collapse Arishok catches her stays sheathed spoons her from behind. 

“Drink, you need your strength.” Arishok hands her tea she knows which tea this is braces herself for the bitter taste takes another cup of it knows this will keep her womb empty. Arishok hands her another cup this one just water Hawke watches as Sten brings a plate over smiles as she feeds both of them and herself. 

“Rest Yassin, I am not done with you yet.” Arishok runs teeth over his mark lays down keeping her against his chest though Sten lays down as well Hawke holding his hand as they nap. 

Three days this goes on Hawke is sore, her sides still sporting the claws her hips tender both from the grabs and the activities Hawke isn't sure there isn't a square inch of her that is not sore or tender. When Hawke wakes again she is on Arishok’s bed but Sten is there sitting at the table Arishok is nowhere to be seen. “Kadan.” Sten is to her shortly kneels as she crawls into his lap then thinks better of it. “I want a bath, I, I smell like him too much like him I want you yes a bath and you in that order.” Hawke is babbling trying to sort out her feelings trying to figure out why her body wants to get away from Sten is telling her that is not her mate. Hawke gets up and gets dressed walks to the baths wincing with every step. 

“I will be there in a moment Kadan.” Sten leaves her to clean herself comes back to find her in the tub scrubbing herself trying to get clean. 

“Easy Kadan, you can’t get rid of the scent it’ll always be there.” Sten is not surprised when Hawke kisses him deeply desperately wants to be one with him moans as he sheathes himself in her just stays there neither moving for a long time. “Don’t hate me for this Kadan, I have to keep you safe.” Hawke nods and keeps him close legs wrapped around him head pressed to his chest as she moves slowly so slowly her body so sore but needing this they both do. 

“I will hunt tonight; will be rid of most of his marks before I come back to you. How does this work? Will you always share me?” Hawke digs nails into his back theirs a slow lovemaking to comfort them both. 

“No. We will never share you again, that was...difficult.” Sten admits Hawke nods. “There will be times he requires you otherwise you are mine, there will be times when you need him, it’s the claiming long enough together you get an emotional attachment even over distances.” 

Hawke stays seated on him their hearts slowing to beat together. “If you die, I don’t want to live I will not give you up Sten you are mine.” Sten kisses the top of her head breathes in her scent notices the heavy musk of Arishok over Hawke’s own knows she smells of him as well. Hawke looks at the sun curses a little gets out of Sten’s arms. “I am late to drills, Karasten is going to be pissed at me AGAIN.” Sten snorts smiles at her moan when his body leaves her. When she is dressed in the clothes Sten brought she takes her old ones drops them into one of the barrels used to keep the tents warm watches at the clothing disintegrates. 

“That was wasteful.” Sten growls. 

“They smelt of him I don’t want anything that smells of him right now Sten, I am your Kadan not his, never his.” 

“You will learn Kadan, it will not matter if you are told to bear a child for him or another you will it is your duty.” Hawke glares at him for that shakes her head no straps weapons on heads to the rings with Sten though he continues on doesn't stop. 

“Karasaad, you will learn to be on time you are going to sharpen and polish every soul in this unit before you rest tonight. Get in line, hand me your blades you have not earned them today.”   
Hawke glares at this Karasten takes her blades out she hated this one he had not come with them to Antiva this one didn’t like her, “You want my soul Karasten come and take them, you are not worthy to hold them unless I say so.” Hawke circles Karasten as he keeps his hands off his blade there is a tick in his jaw when he has to deal with Hawke. 

“Sten will not save you Karasaad; you are not in his tent. Out here you belong to me, stop this foolishness hand over the blades.” 

Hawke is not goaded into attacking him merely waits and smiles, “Come and take them Karasten, you’ll not goad me into attacking you say what you like about Sten he is my Kadan and I am his here and now I am Karasaad not Kadan I know that do you?” 

Karasten has his blade out and against hers quickly. “You are distracted by him, you bring weakness to the unit a woman fighting as if!” Karasten sends one of her blades spinning is not ready when she flips over to the blade getting it sliding past his defense her blades kissing his ribs. 

“My Kadan can take care of himself, I can take care of myself we are one body, one mind, one goal. I make the unit stronger, you make it stronger together we fight for the Qun petty differences weaken us this fight is foolish, unneeded and a waste of time!” Hawke finishes her tirade by taking Karasten’s blade has her blade to his throat glaring at him. “Karasaad what did you learn from that fight?” Hawke addresses the rest of the unit. “You are favoring your right side today, you gambled by diving after your blade, Karasten did not see you on his left side left it open.” Are the various answers and Hawke keeps Karasten at sword point backs to the dropped sword kicks it so it lands easily in his hand keeps her blade out as he comes closer to her. “You will never ask for my blades again Karasten are we clear? You think me ignorant, these are my soul to lose them is to lose honor I will not give that to you not while I breathe.” 

Hawke puts her blade up feels the wind shift as Karasten comes at her catches the wrist feels the sword bite into her shoulder ducks to get off the blade tries to sweep Karasten fails as he steps over it blocks the next blow with her wrists crossed feels the blade bite into those manages to step back knows she can’t hold her swords grabs one of her daggers throws her throwing knives in rapid succession landing two on his chest knows she is running out of time as her blood falls on the ground. “That will cost you your life.” Hawke runs at the Karasten, blocks the blow with her arm feels it bite deep as she lands a kick on Karasten letting her dagger puncture the lung watches as he falls slices his neck open in one swoops waits as his last breath leaves him gathers his blade and hers staggers towards the Healer as the rest of the unit stands still not sure if they should help or stay away. 

“Kadan!” Sten is to her swinging her up to get her into the tent. “What happened?” Sten demands hears how the Karasten wanted her swords, challenged her then attacked her after the fight had been done. Arishok is in conference with the Merchant’s guild Varric is there along with Fenris when the Ashaad comes in without being summoned. 

Arishok glares at him, “Yassin is injured Healer bade you come she fights him.” Fenris is through the door outpaces the Arishok quickly as he tries to remember how to get to the Healers tent figures it is the one where everyone is gathered ducks into the side of the tent pales when he sees all of the blood on Healer sees Hawke’s tiny form very pale as he tries to stop the blood. 

“Fenris, you should not be here.” Sten sees him is working on a cut on her arm he is covered in blood as well. 

Arishok comes in hums in greeting realizes Hawke is passed out; “Will she live?” 

Healer levels a look at Arishok not daring to say yes or no. “He sliced her vein in the neck, cut to her arm and wrists are minor I cannot stop the blood long enough to get at the vein. 

“I can.” Fenris steps forward, his marking glowing and waits as Healer acknowledges him. “Forgive me latholen.” Fenris uses his markings to cauterize the vein holds her down as Hawke arches off the bed. Waits to make sure the wound is done bleeding looks at Sten, “She will not know I was here.” Fenris backs out slips back to the tent with Varric in it shake his head no when the dwarf arches an eyebrow for information. 

“She will live?” Arishok asks Healer nods. 

“She will not wake for several hours; I still need to stitch her up I will tell you when she does.” Arishok leaves taking the time to wash the blood off returns to the meeting. “You need to deal with Karasten’s body Sten I will let you know when she wakes up.” Healer dismisses him as well starts stitching carefully making them as small as possible. When Healer comes back from dinner though Hawke is gone quickly going to Sten’s tent he learns she is not there or at Arishok’s. 

Fenris is with Arishok having tea when Healer gets there. “She is gone? Then she is hunting you need to recover her.” Fenris is up strapping on blade looking to Arishok.  
“Why?’ Arishok asks concerned. 

“She will hunt innocents to heal she is not in control.” Fenris is walking out as Arishok digests this information. 

“I will hunt her with you, she is my Kadan.” Sten has two Ashaad with him and they hunt Hawke for the night. 

She manages to stay two steps ahead of them, they finally corner her close to dawn as she has a man on his back in front of her blades gently slicing to cause the most pain, “Tell me where the base is Dog Lord.” Bodies litter the alley each victim either dead or dying with the light playing over her Hawke is bent low over the man, her ear close enough to hear what he is saying though the shuffle of weapons has Hawke’s head snapping up a quick slice to her victim before she braces for the next fight. 

“Kadan.” Sten walks forward carefully. Hawke isn’t listening hers a blind hunt as Fenris’ blade meets her before she can hit Sten theirs a dance that is familiar as his markings light up his speed trying to outmatch her. Fenris sees she is bleeding, probably has been for hours her adrenaline too high to notice it her body auto healing enough to keep it going such is the gift of Vengeance but she will pay in the morning. 

“Hawke stop! Enough!” Fenris barely gets out of the way of her blade manages to knock the other away with his hand catches her by the throat slamming her against the wall his body pinning hers both breathing hard as Hawke’s eyes clear. 

“Fenris! Shit did I hurt you?” Fenris shakes his head no notices she does not touch him, as he steps back though retains her by the throat making sure she is okay. “Kadan?” Hawke notices Sten proceeds to loot and finish off her victims piling them up with Fenris’ help throwing an acid bomb on them knowing there will be nothing but a clean street when the acid is finished walks towards Sten waits for him to say something.

“What did those men do to warrant death by your blade?” Sten finally asks knowing Arishok will want answers for whatever Ashaads tell him. 

“Attacked me, they prey on the innocent and weak, rape women when they can get them. Claim kinship with me to let it slide but I will not. We need to leave, people will be out soon.” Hawke walks over to a rain barrel dips a cloth in it cleans the blood off her armor and face and arms as they walk back to the compound. Fenris watches her carefully, knows the moment her body lets the adrenaline go Sten catches her as she hits her knees. 

“You pushed too hard Hawke, if we wouldn’t have been here.” Fenris is furious regards Hawke’s gray eyes with his green know it is wasted breathe. 

“I would have been fine Fen, Kadan has me go home I thank you for the fight.” 

Sten scoops her up hands her blades to one of the Ashaad even as Hawke growls, “Sleep Kadan.” Sten walks into the compound with Hawke takes her to the baths knows she needs to heal strips her carefully hanging onto her as he gets into the tubs is not surprised to see Arishok in the tub hands her to him as he grabs soap and cloth to get the blood off of her. 

“What was she doing outside of the compound?” Arishok asks curious. 

“Hunting Dog Lords, she did not recognize me when I first approached her attacked Fenris as well. Her demon rides her hard when she is injured does not let her rest.” Sten watches as the wounds close on her, notices Arishok’s claw marks will scar knows the mark on the shoulder will stay as well. 

“You do not like the fact she tortures her victims, plays with them before the kill.” Arishok says it flatly knows he is right. 

“No I do not, there is no honor in what she does.” Sten can’t resolve the two women in his mind the cold blooded killer that would torture or the passionate quick witted woman he beds. 

“She does what others would not to get the answers the Qun demands, hers is not the easy path it is the one that needs to be traveled.” Arishok feels Hawke’s breathing change knows she is listening. 

“You did not see her victims Arishok, they were flayed like meat, maximum amount of pain there was no mercy in that there was no acceptance of surrender. None of her victims lived past the confrontation she is judgment and executioner it is not her role.” Sten is sitting on the bench eyes Hawke as she floats between Arishok and him her body supported by Arishok underneath. 

“If they knew what she did they would hunt her, she cannot let them live her demon demands the souls her honor demands their deaths.” 

Sten traces a finger down her face narrows his eyes when she grabs it in her mouth nipping it lightly. “Arishok, I need Sten, battle lust will do us no favors I won’t be bound.” Sten regards her, shakes his head no. 

“I won’t accept what you did Kadan, you were wrong for the hunt should not have done it.” 

“There is no regret in the Qun Sten, my hunt is done for the night, and I know where their base is and where they have the women. I will pass the information on to Aveline, I will save lives with the info I gathered. It is done, do not dwell on it.” Hawke would never apologize for her killing, wouldn’t know how. Sten shakes his head at her leaves the baths his the careful steps of someone pissed off. When Arishok dips to catch her eyes Hawke regards him carefully. His eyes are silver as well though his never show the storm hers does that they show now as he kisses her hand sliding to her ass knowing which buttons to hit knows she will respond though she braces her hands against him. 

“Not here, not with you Arishok I can’t control what I do.” It is a breathy moan and plea as Arishok’s hands light fires on her skin 

“Control Yassin, I will teach you I will guide you we will climb this one together.” It is said with a purr as he gets out of the water allowing her to follow him as he strides to his tent holds her hands above her head when she would rake fingers on him pins her under him as he thrusts fingers in catching her moans in his mouth allows her to dig her fingers into his hair at the base of his skull when he pins her entering in a long thrust that has her keening and him humming to relax her. “Control Yassin, you will not orgasm until I do, when you want to scratch put your hands above your head grab the pole there.” 

Hawke does wrapping her hands around it as he sets a punishing pace slows down when she is getting close catches her hands when she would wiggle and scratch him. “Control Yassin, climb with me.” Each word is said with a slow thrust that has Hawke keening begging then she finds it that calm before the battle that control that makes her such a deadly killer. She is rewarded by another hum a fierce kiss as Arishok yanks her over the edge with him her body rippling with aftershocks after him “Well done Yassin.” Arishok gets up, cleans both of them watches her as he moves around gets back on the bedroll wrapping her around him making sure she is covered. 

“You knew.” Hawke admits finally, “Most humans like to cuddle you are no exception. It allows me to make sure you are okay, even gentle your body is not made for what I want to do to it.” Hawke falls asleep to Arishok’s gentle humming though wakes to an empty bed. She waits for voices, sounds anything to tell her she is not alone and she gets it Arishok is discussing the Karasten with Sten and a few others Hawke stays where she is at not daring to move there is no explanation for why she would be in Arishok’s bed not since she and Sten were declared. Hawke does manage to pull on clothing with stealth braids her hair smiles when she feels her dagger under the pillow. Eyeing the back of the tent Hawke slips out quickly headed to the baths rinsing Arishok’s scent off changing into clothing and heading to the Healer who casts a baleful glare at her. 

“Cursory check to see if you healed though I am sure you have.” Healer nods in satisfaction has her drink her tea releases her for the day. 

After the meeting Sten returns to his tent briefly sees Hawke’s armor is gone knows she is outside the compound. Aveline acts quickly on the information Hawke gives her they manage to rescue 6 women and Hawke joins the group for dinner Varric telling stories and Anders casting looks at Hawke. 

“Anders, what troubles you?” Hawke finally asks not paying any attention to Isabella who is playing a game with Fenris and Varric. 

“You look tired Hawke, I’ve never seen you tired are you sleeping okay?” Anders moves to catch Hawke’s chin yanks his hand back when Hawke waves a dagger at him. 

“Hands off Anders, you’ve no right to touch me.” Hawke won’t answer about the sleep it’s too personal of a question. “Now what is really bugging you? You’d never ask me the sleep question unless you need something. What do you need?” Hawke is pinning Anders with her gaze waits as the mage debates answering her. 

“Nothing, truly concern for you.” Anders side steps evasively not looking at her. 

“How many and where?” Hawke doesn’t touch him knows that is what he wants watches Fenris instead sees the elf’s ears twitch. 

“6 or so and wounded coast, they are just kids.” Hawke debates it “They have the coin to survive they just need to catch a boat.” 

Hawke sits back at this, “Then you will need Isabella’s help as well. Hope you have something valuable to trade for it, she doesn’t work for free.” Hawke watches Isabella who perks up at hearing her name saunters over drapes an arm around Hawke who winces moves her away from Arishok’s bite. 

“Hawke are you hurt?” Isabella is concerned watches Hawke’s reactions. 

“Not enough to warrant concern, Anders needs a boat for some friends. Work out the details with her Anders, let me know when you want it done and I will make sure they get to the boat on time.” Hawke sees a merchant she needs walk in beelines for the man watches the man’s eyes as he notes her blades, her lack of dress. 

“Cara, how can I assist you?” Hawke gets right to the point, knows he will invite her back to his house slips out with him walking the quick rout there waits as he gets the package she needs pays him the coin and leaves. 

“I did not require your escort Fenris.” Hawke doesn’t try to hide the package merely walks with it back to her home stashes the string in her mouth as she climbs to her room. 

Sighs when Fenris follows her, “curiosity will always get the better of me what is it?” Hawke hands him the package watches as he opens it, sniffs the contents watches as he swirls the liquid in the red globe trying to figure out what it is. 

“Antivan fire for my grenades Fenris, what did you think it is?” 

Fenris shakes his head, “With you I never know you are always a mystery.” Hawke stashes the globe checking her supplies on her person as she gets ready to leave again. “How long since you spoke to your mother?” Fenris suddenly asks perched near the window as he is. 

“She will speak to me if she wants to.” 

Fenris rolls his eyes at that. “Lost a bet to Varric?” Hawke guesses as Fenris nods smiling warily. “Despite Carver and Bethany my mother does not like me, does not wish for my company and never will. I am the reminder there are no others, I am the reminder she is alone and always will be.” Hawke scans the room glances at Fenris, “I will need you tomorrow are you free?” Fenris nods crosses his arms seeing if he will get more detail. “Be here just after sundown, I will be ready.” Fenris nods lands lightly next to her as she heads off towards the compound. 

Hawke is steps from the compound when they attack her, it is retaliation for the raid on their base Hawke is laying into them with gusto knows she is wildly outnumbered regrets not having Fenris with her though soon all of them are dead and she is looking up at Sten, his blades dripping blood into the sand “They attack you steps from me and think I would not defend you?” Sten puts one of his blades up walks towards her checking for injury. 

“I am fine Kadan, you are not injured.” 

Sten snorts, “Bas would not hurt me Kadan, come Karasaad will take care of the bodies. Hawke shakes her head no waits as the Karasaad pile the bodies drops a grenade on them pulls Karasaad’s hand away when he would touch it.

“Do not; it will eat through anything but stone which is why I use it.” Hawke shows him one of the grenades it is no bigger than a small child’s fist the globe blue as Hawke takes it back.

When Fenris comes to get Hawke the next night she is in a dress, her hair pinned in an intricate knot her feet contained in sandals that show off her tiny feet. He is reminded of another night and another dress. “Did we have a date and I forgot to ask you?” Fenris looks at her carefully his armor and blade he is always in. 

“No, weekly date thing with Seamus since I was attacked last night figured I'd use the bodyguard since Seamus is a bit squeamish about blood.” Hawke places her fingers on his wrist does not take Fenris' elbow knows he might need the arm. Fenris tenses when she touches him, his markings flair briefly causing Hawke to release him. “I'm sorry Fenris, I didn't mean to.” 

“It is fine Hawke, you did not cause pain merely surprise you don't touch me if you can help it.” Fenris places her hand back on this wrist doesn't wait for her to respond know she won't as they head to Seamus' residence. 

“Tessa, I heard about the attack last night I take it you are okay?” Seamus asks soliciting as Fenris hands her to Seamus dropping behind the pair. 

“I am fine Seamus, but as a precaution I brought Fenris. He speaks Qunari and is an excellent bodyguard.” Hawke winks at Fenris' look of confusion. 

“I made reservations at Lilly, thought we might get a bite to eat before the play.” Seamus walks with her to the restaurant and they set tongues to wagging as Hawke hangs on Seamus' every word looks all the world like she is with her lover. Fenris rolls his eyes at the display wonders at what game the two are playing. 

Done with dinner they head to the theater to watch some fancy Orlesian play Hawke can't even pronounce the name of. Hawke feigns interest for the first act smiles as Fenris is dozing while standing up kicks him with her foot when he snores causing him to glare at her. During intermission Hawke slips out Fenris and Seamus following her as she quickly makes her way to the docks all the while looking like Seamus is taking her on a tour of his family's holdings. Being Viscount's son does come with a lot of responsibilities none of which Seamus wants but it does take them in sight of the Karasaad on duty who nods allowing Seamus entrance while eyeing Hawke's get up with interest. “Tamassran?” Karasaad finally asks truly confused about who she is. 

“Eyes front Karasaad, you will not go lax with your duties while I am your Tamassran.” Hawke snaps though smiles slightly at him. Hawke is completely hidden by the gate and the Karasaad is all smiles when Seamus comes back out offers his arm to Hawke who takes it running a hand up his arm snuggling against him. “Don't be afraid but we have a tail, Fenris can handle it but I wanted to give you a heads up.”   
Fenris places his hand over Hawke's wrist when she would hike up the skirt and get her blade. “No Hawke, you will not ruin that dress it's by far the best one I have seen you in and it will not be covered in blood. Now be a good little noble woman and cower over in the corner while I protect you.” All of this is spoken in her ear though he meets her gaze when she would protest waits for her to nod helps her up onto a stack of crates like she is a queen. Fenris makes short work of them though is not surprised when Seamus throws up Fenris yanks Hawke out of range in time to miss it. He dips her blocks a blow from the last attacker twirls her as he finishes off the opponent hands her back to Seamus as she smiles. “Maybe you really do run around that big house coordinating dances.” Hawke smiles as she says this offers him a courtly curtsy looks to see Seamus hanging on bravely to the crates she was on. 

“Seamus? You ready to head to Bran or do you want to go back to the house?” Hawke is soliciting of Seamus protecting him from seeing more of the dead. 

“Bran is meeting me at my house, father is out tonight.” Hawke nods heads back to the Viscount's palace accepts the chaste kiss on the cheek looking like she would love to do more earning her a smile and nod from Seamus. “I thank you for this Tessa, I know it's not what either of us wants.” 

“It is what we must do for the sake of Kirkwall Seamus, we both knew what this agreement entailed and for the moment these outings are keeping us both away from the alter which is fine with me.” Hawke steps away from him Fenris following her as she gets down the stairs and around the corner before taking her shoes off holding onto the wall for support. 

“Need me to carry you?” Fenris offers Hawke glares at him shaking her head no. 

“I can walk just not in these damn shoes, one of these days I will go shoe shopping but not tonight. I need to get out of this dress and back to the compound.” Hawke heads to the tree to get to her bedroom stops cursing as Fenris smiles and she walks through the front door. 

“Ah, how did the date with Seamus go? How was the play?” Leandra is there heads down to the ground floor sees Fenris with Hawke frowns slightly. “I thought you had a date with Seamus.”   
“I did, Fenris was my bodyguard for the night I thought you would approve.” Hawke sighs crosses her arms to regard her mother. 

“Carrying your shoes? Don't cross your arms you'll wrinkle the dress, why can't you do this right? I swear you do these things to irritate me you can't even get Seamus to ask you to marry him after three months of dating I will be lucky if I can get anyone to marry you!” Leandra enters that familiar lament that has Hawke shrinking in on herself, which causes more slanders until Fenris steps forward his markings blazing. 

“Parshaara woman enough! Venek Hol.” 

Hawke cuts him off with a glare. “Enough Fenris, I can fight my own battles thank you. As always mother such a delight to see you, if you'll excuse me I need to get out of this dress. Good night, thank you Fenris.” Hawke is striding past them both her bare feet slapping against the floor as she climbs quickly gets out of the dress hanging it up is pulling on armor when she hears the knock on the door. 

“Tessa, make sure you hang that dress up and put those shoes away I don't want them on the floor! We will discuss this more in the morning.” Leandra moves off and Hawke fights back the tears, of course she had hoped for an apology knows better though.

“Oh feast of the morning star come and dance with me beneath the pale moonlight.” Fenris calls up from the ground below causing Hawke to snort in laughter. Dropping down beside him she is caught in his arms as he twirls her around under the tree making her laugh as she tries to keep up with him hers the bumbling steps of a novice his the grace of a master. “For her eyes shone as pale in the light as any star she outshines them all her beauty unmatched beneath the gaze of the moon the stars applauding her.” Fenris bows to her a smile upon his lips. 

“Ever one to surprise, I am guessing you are escorting me to the compound?” Hawke falls into step next to him her head jerking up suddenly every nerve on her body coming to full alert. 

“He is not needed Kadan, I am here.” Sten moves out of the shadow watches Fenris carefully as the elf inclines his head to Sten and leaves. 

“Kadan.” It is said low and breathy as Hawke goes to him rubs her forehead on his smiles as she feels the protectiveness knows Sten didn't like Fenris' hands on her. “He is companion only, he found me unworthy, I am yours let’s go home please.” Sten nods and falls into step with her rubbing against her at intervals making her smell like him again. 

“How was Seamus?” Sten asks casually knows she takes the human out weekly to appease her bas. 

“Utterly ready to get rid of me and get back to Bran didn't even offer to walk me home! Thankfully I had Fenris with me for a proper escort.” Sten laughs at that helps her with a stubborn buckle on her shoulder as she undoes his traces a line from shoulder to hip having her catch her breath. 

“I do not approve of your methods Kadan, the way you kill the why you kill is not always right but Arishok did make valid points.” Sten pulls her down on the bed with him traces fingertips over her curves. 

“I cannot change who I am Sten, I won't apologize for it either. You knew what I was capable of, my methods have never been secret. Vengeance wants those deaths, needs them to be that way and I accepted that long ago.” Hawke doesn't look at him can't. 

“Your path is your own Kadan your pillars your challenges just as mine belong to me.” Sten kisses her head settles to sleep leaves Hawke to sleep or not as she sees fit. Hawke's not sure what to make of it spends the night thinking.


	54. How It Can Go So Wrong

Finishing the tankard of ale at his elbow he watched her sleep. It was the only time she was at peace. If you had told him he would tie himself to a bas two years ago he would have laughed. He’d been raised on Seheron the three swirls on his chest denoting that. His kith had been mixed human, elf and Qunari had all been raised together and he’d learned a lot. Their limits, their fears, their joys were all the same as his. He treated them equal did not spare their feelings by being less than what he was. Time had brought him closer to the humans and elves when his unit had been sent to protect against slavers. 

There a human Tamassran had taught him to bring sighs of pleasure from skin easily parted by his claws. She’d been too tiny to take his length but he’d learned ways around it. Eyes travel over his mate in the bed, long lines of grace and power darkly tanned and muscled. Black silk for hair spread out over her pillow and long eyelashes concealing the stormy gray eyes that left him breathless when she looked at him. He’d not expected his body to react to hers hadn’t expected himself to react to her. He’d thought her another bas not worth Arishok’s time but she’d proven otherwise. Woman of her word in a sea of liars. He’d seen her fight, had been shocked at her skill. When he’d seen her with the elf he’d thought her taken had been shocked he cared. When she’d stepped in front of Arishok and taken the spear he’d almost cried out afraid he would watch her die. She’d been pissed Arishok had killed the man demanded the kill for herself and that was when he’d really taken notice. Her recovery had been remarkable until he’d seen the healing at work, when she’d told him he was hooked to a demon he’d nearly thrown her away from him. Details of what she did, why she did it made him hold her closer. 

Her sister had been Sarebaas, had been killed by her Arvaarads for nothing, he’d been angry at that it was an Arvaarads sworn duty to protect and care for his Sarebaas it was not taken lightly to kill them to have one discarded so easily was wrong. A shift of her hand has his attention back to her, Arishok is tired of waiting for the relic. This city is getting more and more hostile to the Qunari and his mate has managed to keep the peace but it wears on her. Arishok had done what he could to bring her to their side, tied her to him, taught her to fight them, integrated her into these men so it would be a personal fight but he worries. Arishok is betting she will stand with them he’s not. This is her city, these people look up to her and she will protect it will be willing to die to protect it and he will not lose her he needs to figure out a plan. He’d thought to become Arishok but with her tied to Arishok she’d be tossed into madness and he regrets doing that. He’d done it to keep her safe, Arishok had agreed to it, knew the motivations and the fears also knew she’d agree to please him. Now as battle draws closer though he fears he made the wrong choice if this doesn’t play exactly the way it should she or Arishok will end up dead neither outcome the correct one. “kadan.” He is to the bed in a moment gathering her into his arms wrapping her up, safe he will keep her safe.  


“Hawke.” Aveline is walking quickly towards her as Hawke crosses to the Gallows. 

“Aveline, how can I help you?” Hawke asks stopping where she is. 

“Viscount sent for me and you, we need to go now.” Hawke follows Aveline and is ushered in quickly. 

“Serrah Hawke, my son is in the Qunari compound. I need him brought out immediately without causing a scene.” 

“If he has converted I cannot take him viscount. Arishok protects his followers and you know that.” 

“I understand but I don’t think he has, I think he is running away from his responsibilities.” 

“Which ones? The ones that have him inheriting your seat when he doesn’t want to or marrying someone he doesn’t want to because he doesn’t love them or the responsibility of being son to a man who is never happy with the child they have and constantly wants to improve them?” 

“Serrah, you go too far.” Bran says and Hawke shakes her head. 

“Fine, I will see what I can do.” Hawke is leaving when she remembers Aveline is with her. “If I can’t get him out you are sending the guards aren’t you?” Viscount nods and Hawke shakes her head. “While I am here, I found out why they are still here. Someone in this city took a relic of theirs.” 

“Do you know who has it?” Viscount asks and Hawke shakes her head. 

“No, but I am working on it. I just found out a few days ago. I would have told you sooner but I wanted more information.” Viscount nods and Aveline gets up and leaves with Hawke. “Give me until dawn Aveline; if I can’t get him then we will work with our options.” Aveline nods and Hawke heads to Hanged man and picks up Varric and Fenris. “I need cooler heads and slicker tongues than my own. I need to get the Viscount’s son away from Arishok.” Fenris whistles at that.

“Arishok.” Hawke kneels in front of him and Fenris follows. 

“You offer homage, this must be about Seamus.” Arishok hates Hawke on her knees. 

“It is.” Hawke confirms. 

“Odd that Viscount would send you and a note, Seamus was told to meet his father at the Chantry.” Hawke stands up at that and crosses her arms. 

“Why would he involve the Chantry?” Varric asks and Hawke shakes her head. 

“He wouldn’t but we do know someone who would.” 

“Sister Petrice.” Varric says with a curse. 

“I have heard this name before; she has meddled in my affairs one too many times. Handle this Yassin or I will.” Arishok growls and Hawke nods and bows. 

“It is the will of the Qun Arishok.”

Anders joins them on the steps and Hawke nods her thanks. “I am not sure what we are walking into here, I need Seamus alive and unhurt.” Hawke orders and all of her companions nod. When they enter the Chantry it is empty and Hawke frowns a little. Seamus is on the second balcony looking like he is praying and Hawke rushes to him. When she touches him she knows he is dead, has been for hours. 

“Serrah Hawke what have you done? To pounce upon the viscount’s son while he was repenting, finally your Qunari masters will get what they deserve.” Petrice smirks and Hawke shakes her head.

“Why would you do this? This will not make the Qunari leave; this will just get a slaughter on both sides.” Hawke is furious. 

“To die untested would be the real crime. People need the opportunity to defend faith starting with you.” Petrice says and then turns to the group behind her. “Earn your reward in this life and the next.” Hawke is attacking the Templars and fanatics as they come at her. Fenris is holding his own with his group. Petrice has run off again and Hawke is cursing.

“Do you see your grace, traitors attacking the very core of the Chantry, they defile with every step.” Petrice says coming down the steps with Grand Cleric Elfina. 

“There is death in every corner young mother. It is as you predicted all too well.” Elfina nods when she comes to stand before Hawke and her group. 

“Forgive me your grace but you must know the truth of what has happened here.” Hawke bows in humble respect and Petrice narrows her eyes at Hawke. 

“Don’t you spout your Qunari filth; this is the hand of the divine.” 

“I have ears Mother Petrice, the Maker would have me use them. Serrah Hawke is it?” Elfina signals for her to continue. 

“Viscount’s son is dead, killed here in your name.” Hawke is trying to reign in her anger.

“I am sure my name won’t like that Petrice.” Elfina glares at Petrice. 

“Seamus was a Qunari convert who came here to repent and was murdered.” Petrice eyes flashing at Hawke. 

“It’s a ruse your grace.” Varric says and Elfina glances at the dwarf. 

“Seamus was killed to set people against the Qunari.” Hawke defends quickly. 

“This is no longer the matter of heathens squatting in the docks people are leaving us to join them.” Petrice is earnest in her appeal but Elfina shakes her head. 

“We must pray for them like any other.” Elfina confirms and Petrice losses her cool then. 

“They deny the Maker.” Petrice is fanatical and Elfina turns on her. 

“You diminish him even as you claim his side. Andraste did not volunteer for the flame. Serrah Hawke the young mother has erred in her judgment, the court will decide her fate. The Chantry respects the law and so must she.” Elfina walks back up the stairs. 

“Grand Cleric?” Petrice begs to the retreating back and Hawke is not surprised when an arrow finds Petrice’s chest and when she is kneeling looking at the arrow another follows to her head and she falls backward dead. 

“We protect those of the Qun; we do not abandon our own.” Ashaad intones and Hawke nods. 

“Ashaad honors us.” Fenris bows and Ashaad leaves. 

“Please, call for Viscount.” Elfina calls from the stairs and Hawke sighs.

When Viscount gets there he is holding his son crying and it is a brutal reminder to Hawke about her sister’s death in this very Chantry. Anders reaches out and clasps his fingers in hers. “You must get the Qunari out of the city Hawke; I will give you anything I can if you do that.” Viscount begs between sobs and Hawke is numb. 

“I will report to the Arishok. I will also see what I can do about the relic.” Hawke leaves as Aveline gets there and Aveline puts a hand on Hawke’s elbow. “Talk to me later at Hanged Man if you can.” Hawke shakes her head no. 

“I’ll come see you in your office in the morning; I need to tend to the Arishok tonight.” She is headed to the compound when she sees Gamlen and her mother. Hawke doesn’t disappear fast enough to not get called to her mother’s side. 

“Tessa, I haven’t seen you in days. Come with us we are going to eat.” Tessa grits her teeth and shakes her head no. “It is the Twins name day Tessa, come with us.” Tessa sighs and falls into step with her mother. 

“I will have to go in my armor unless you will allow me to go to the estate and change.” Hawke says looking down at her armor. 

“Change, I will see you at Hummingbird’s.” Leandra orders and Hawke disappears to the estate joining her mother shortly dressed appropriately for the well to do restaurant in High Town.

When they exit there are Qunari waiting for her. “Yassin, come with us now.” Ashaad orders and Hawke sighs.

“You are going with the heathens?” Leandra asks when Hawke starts to follow them. 

“They are no more heathens than anyone else mother. I am the Ambassador between Kirkwall and the Qunari and Arishok is the leader so when you get summoned by the leader you go.” Hawke is exasperated and knows the Ashaad and the Karasaad’s with him are laughing at the fearsome Hawke getting chastised by her mother. 

“Tell them to wait, we still need to go to the Chantry and pray for Bethany and Carver.” Leandra is not mollified. 

“Chantry is closed for the moment mother; there was an incident there earlier. They will need time to clean up.” Hawke offers and Leandra puts her hand to her mouth in shock. 

“You did not kill people in the Chantry Tessa, please tell me you did not and if you did please tell me you were drunk and couldn’t stop yourself.” Leandra is all indignant fury though she keeps her voice low. 

“Whatever makes you sleep at night mother.” Hawke is rolling her eyes at the dramatics. 

“You will not speak to your mother that way.” Gamlen chimes in and reaches to grab Hawke. Karasaad steps in front of her. 

“You will not touch Yassin human.” He says in broken common and Hawke closes her eyes. 

“I will touch her if I please that is my niece.” Gamlen is posturing now. 

“ENOUGH!” Hawke commands and they all look at her. “Gamlen, please take mother wherever she wants to go. I will celebrate the twins’ name day my own way mother. I have business to attend to I will visit you tomorrow. Let’s go.” Hawke follows Ashaad and the Karasaad to the compound. 

“Where are your weapons?” Ashaad asks. 

“I still have blades Ashaad; I would not walk without them. Karasaad, I thank you for your protection against my uncle. However, don’t step in front of me like that, if it would have been an enemy I could have stabbed you in the back.” Karasaad nods properly chastised.

Arishok is on his seat and Hawke stands before him take in the dress with a lift of an eyebrow. “Yassin, good of you to come, put her on the pole.” Two Ashaad come to grab her and Hawke is debating fighting. “Do not fight Yassin, accept this.” 

“Why?” 

“One of my followers was killed by your actions. You knew Mother Patrice was a threat and failed to remove her. What’s more you did not even own up to your actions!” Hawke clenches her jaw at Arishok's anger and nods. 

“Three days, no food no water, take her blades.” Hawke starts taking off the blades when she has piled her arsenal in Karasaad’s hands she remembers the one on her boot and stops him and hands it over. “Is that all?” Arishok asks slightly amused. 

“Yes.” Hawke confirms then holds up her hand and takes the other one from the other leg. “That is all of them.” 

“What is the meaning of this?” Sten asks as he sees Hawke being led to the pole. 

“Hi honey how was your day? I didn’t prevent the Viscount’s son from being killed, I didn’t kill the woman who did kill him, and I killed lots of people in one of the most holy places in Kirkwall and pissed off my mother. Now I get to be on the pole for three days for the first two infractions though my mother would likely agree with this punishment as well.” Hawke winces as the chain is pulled taught she won’t be able to pull this one loose. 

“You are impossible Kadan. Arishok charged you with serious crimes, you cannot make light of them.” Sten is achingly out of touch range. He won’t touch her while she is on the pole.

“I do not take Seamus’ death lightly Sten. I know I messed up but I am unsure how this could have gone differently? I couldn’t predict Patrice would do this when she had me lead Katojen out of the tunnels. I had tried to stop her from murdering the delegates.” 

“Who is Katojen?” Arishok asks and Hawke goes silent. “Answer me Yassin.” Arishok demands and Hawke takes a deep breath. 

“Patrice contacted me to take a Saarebas out of the city and free him to the Tal-Vashoth there. This was years ago.” 

“Why was I not told this?” Arishok asks quietly. 

“I killed the men that would have reported it to you Arishok.” Hawke admits looking at him sadly. 

“The Kaatam he was traveling with?” Sten asks. 

“No, I am unsure how Patrice managed it but she had them killed, the trail led to us when the Arvaarad and his group met me. I did not want to hand over the mage, they attacked and I killed them. Ketojan killed himself rather than be free though.” 

“You should have told me Yassin.” Arishok has his eyes closed and is looking up at the night sky. “Because the Saarebas died you will live, anything else you wish to confess while you are on the pole?” 

“They died well and I did not defile their corpses, I know it’s not much but it is all I can give you.” Hawke remarks quietly. Her hands are itching to sooth him to yank back the words she has uttered to make this right. When Arishok looks at her again it’s as if she doesn’t exist. 

“You give me no false platitudes; you do not regret their deaths.” Arishok is impressed, walks closer to her but not within range. 

“No, I never regret death Arishok, death is what I do. Now I would have handled that situation differently but at the time I thought I was right.” Hawke doesn't back down from his glare, doesn't tremble at the assessment. 

“You would have accepted your death if I had ordered it despite it happening years ago?” Arishok is curious. 

“Yes, our past mistakes are the wolves and chains that chase and bind us.” Hawke quotes one of her favorite books. 

“I say let them hunt and bring on the chains for I shall walk forward ever forward never faltering. You read interesting books Yassin” Arishok finishes the rest of the quote and Hawke smiles. “She stays on the pole for a week. Sten you may touch her to feed and water her every other day.” 

“Yes Arishok” Sten is to her cupping her face and she rubs into it tears running down her face. 

“Shh, it will be okay Kadan. You have been on this pole before and if I know you it will have you as a frequent visitor.” Hawke smiles at that and shakes her head. 

“I was afraid you would have to pay for my disobedience, I was terrified he might take out his anger on you.” He laughs at that and kisses her. 

“If you were a normal female maybe but you are warrior and therefore responsible for your own actions he wouldn’t punish me for you.” Sten rubs against her and kisses her before walking away.

Hawke watches as Healer absently traces at the mark on his chest, it is something Healer does on occasion when he is lost in thought. “You were mated?” Hawke finally asks sees Healer weighing his answers and finally nods.  


“I was a Sten, lost the child, lost her, lost my honor when she died bringing our child into the world.”  


“How did you lose your honor?” Hawke is curious on this.  


“She was a field medic, when I wasn’t trying to get myself killed in battle I was learning from her. I was a Karasten when I met her, pushed for Sten before that campaign was done claimed her the next day when she was tending my wounds. We were bonded for 5 years when we were asked to carry. I was on the battlefield when she died, killed the rest of my unit in my grief and rage, took 8 of them to finally calm me down. I was lost to the madness until Arishok, then a Sten dragged me kicking and screaming out of it.”  


Healer has a slight smile at the end. “Because of what I did I could never take the field again, none of the men would follow me but I had learned enough of healing to be trained as that and I was. When Arishok made Arishok he asked me to be his Healer, it was granted and I am here now.”  


Hawke had placed her hand on his shoulder meant for comfort but his emotions are still raw. “That’s why you didn’t want me to mate Arishok, you fear my death will send him into madness.”  


“It is the same for females Hawke. Mates who can survive an unbonding are rare. He is your other half, his emotions are yours you feel what they do know them as you know yourself. To have that ripped away, to have that bond taken.” Healer shakes his head no, “It is better Sten has not claimed you, it is better you do not feel that with him.”  


Hawke looks at Healer takes her hand away from him, “If Sten dies I do not want to survive it is my biggest fear. There is a saying humans have when they are loved, love me for as long as I draw breath, may that breath be one minute shorter than your last.” Healer exhales a breath at that. “For all my blades are considered to be my souls, my soul walks, talks and are going to be pissed if I am late to drills.” Healer’s laughter chases her out of the tent as Hawke runs to the rings.  


“Is Healer the reason you didn’t claim me fully?” Hawke asks laying on the bed watching Sten work on a new harness for his blades. Sten’s work stops as he regards her debates how to answer this.  


“Explain.”  


Hawke rolls her eyes at his impression of Arishok earn a smile as he places the harness on the table. “Healer told me about his mate, he used to be Sten.”  


Sten nods moves to join her on the bed arranging her so she is lying on his chest. “What happened to his mate is something we all fear, you are bonded to Arishok you know the depth of that you know what would happen if he died.” Hawke’s reaction is instant her heart racing, shallow breath her nails digging into Sten’s chest. “You also know the joy of that bond, the completeness the,” Sten makes a circle motion with his hand unable to explain.  


“Yes.”  


“I take the field on a regular basis, my survival not always guaranteed. If however Arishok is on the field, that is rare and his survival is almost a certainty.”  


“Mine is not.” Hawke says it quietly knows if Sten is fighting she will be as well.  


“You can heal yourself with water and blood, you survived having a spear thrown through you I think you will be fine.” Hawke snorts rubs against his chest with her head. “I will always protect you Kadan.” 

Hawke kisses him softly protests as he gets up moving back to the table to work on the harness.  


Arishok watches Sten and Hawke get the men through exercise and patterns Healer is beside him, “I told her about me.”  


Arishok looks to him surprised. “Why?” Arishok looks back at Hawke as she has one of the men go back through the movement her hand slapping against the man as he places his feet wrong. She can’t hurt them but she can embarrass them and she does as the man dips his head in shame earning another slap. She’d tried to teach them shield tactics only for that to not work very well as the men could easily just reach around whatever shield she wielded. She’d blindfolded them and told them to try again. Now though half of the men are using shields against the rest with regular weapons and it’s better.  


Arishok looks back to Healer when the man hasn’t answered. “She asked, though she may as well be bonded to him she truly does not wish to survive without him.”  


Arishok shakes his head at Healer. “Not even I can know what the Qun will demand of us in death.”  


“Love me until my last breath and may that breath be one minute less than your own.”  


Arishok shakes his head again glances back at Hawke. “Love is not a reason to stop what I intend to do with this city.”  


“She won’t let you take the city Arishok.” Healer adds as Arishok starts to leave.  


“Then she will die, it is a good thing Sten did not claim her.”  


Healer shakes his head places a hand on Arishok to stop him, “He will choose her Arishok he won’t let you kill her she is his mate.”  


“No she’s not.” Arishok leaves at that and Healer doesn’t stop him knows nothing he says will matter at this point.  


Hawke is headed back to her estate after a long day of meetings with the Merchant’s guild and nobility. As she walks into the door Isabella is running up to her “Hawke I need to talk to you.” 

“Oh no whore, you will wait your turn.” Aveline is coming down the stairs. 

“You don’t understand if she doesn’t help me they will kill me.” Hawke holds up her hand for peace. 

“I will hear you both, Isabella first.” 

“I found the relic, it’s in the city there is going to be a buy in a couple of hours and I need you to come with me.” Isabella says in a rush. 

“Who is going to kill you?” 

“Castellion, this is the relic I lost in the shipwreck.” Hawke nods. 

“Aveline, what’s up?” 

“Arishok is harboring three criminals, I need them out of there and he won’t hand them over because they have converted.” 

“Okay, Isabella let’s deal with yours first. Aveline go to the compound I will meet you there when I am done with Isabella.” Aveline nods and Hawke stops by Hanged man to grab the rest of the group. Fenris, Anders and Varric join her and Isabella. When they get to the meeting place Hawke is surprised to see Qunari there. 

“You will give us the book thief.” Ashaad says and Hawke frowns. 

“Ashaad, explain.” Hawke requests bowing before the man. Ashaad are the honor guard for the Arishok, they are also the most fierce and skilled warriors of the Antaam. 

“She stole the relic; she has it and we will take it back.” He points at Isabella as he says this and Hawke’s feeling a dagger in her heart a ripping.

“Actually the book is in that building and I was tasked with its retrieval. I will return it to Arishok when I have it.” Hawke manages and Ashaad nods taking his group with him. Fenris sees Isabella tense and then put her mask on. Once inside the building everything quickly goes to hell with Orlesians there with mercenaries, Tevinter has their mages and Hawke’s merry band of misfits. Man with the book heads out the door and Isabella gives chase. “Dammit Isabella!” Hawke admonishes as she can’t give chase needs to deal with the fight in front of her.

When they get out of the building there is a note on the ground. “Sorry, I had to take the book hope you understand.” Varric reads and Hawke curses long and loud. 

“If I ever see her again I am going to kill her.” Hawke growls and Fenris puts a hand on her shoulder which is shrugged off earns him a glare.

“We have to tell Arishok.” Hawke nods and they head to the compound. 

“Figure out Isabella’s problem?” Aveline asks and Hawke shakes her head no. “Let’s go see if we can get the criminals back.” Hawke nods and they walk up to the gates, “I am ready to talk to the Arishok.” Aveline says and Karasaad shakes his head no. 

“Not in this number.”

“Hawke, I and a few of my guards is that acceptable?” Aveline asks and he nods and lets them in. Arishok walks up the steps to his chair. Hawke can see he is injured and frowns tamping down the need to run to him and tend those injuries immediately. 

“Captain of the guard, what can I do for you?” Arishok asks levelly. 

“You are harboring three fugitives that I need to take in.” 

“They have chosen to convert to the Qun, you cannot take them.” Arishok waves his hand at them dismissively. 

“Have they really or are they trying to hide from their crimes?” Hawke asks and Arishok contemplates this. 

“Bring these murderers out, judge for yourself.” Arishok motions and the three men are brought out. They are elves, none of them are threatening in any way. “Tell them of your crimes converts.” 

“One of the guards had his way with our sister, when we told the guards they dismissed it. He attacked her again and that is when we paid him a visit.” One of them says and Hawke rounds on Aveline with a REALLY look on her face. 

“Is this true?” Hawke asks instead. 

“There are rumors; they should not have taken the law into their own hands.” Aveline admits and Hawke shakes her head. 

“I would have and you know it.” Hawke answers and Aveline is furious. 

“You are not helping here.” Aveline looks back at the Arishok. 

“Yassin, what would you do if you were me? Let them go or protect them?” Arishok asks and Hawke sighs. 

“I would remember I am a guest in this city and would abide by their laws.” Hawke keeps her hands off her blades tries to see peace. 

“I cannot Yassin; I cannot abide by the corruption, by the filth and the utter disobedience of this city any longer.” A breeze picks up and carries the scent of blood to Hawke; she would know that scent anywhere. It’s Sten’s blood. 

“Arishok, why is Sten’s blood on you?” Hawke is utterly still looking up at Arishok knows she is not going to like his answer. 

“Because I killed him.” Hawke’s throwing knives are in her hands and sailing towards Arishok without her even thinking what it means. 

“She attacked the Arishok, kill them!” Ashaad yells and spears are coming down at them and Aveline is pulling Hawke back towards the gate and Hawke is slicing Karasaads open as they get to the gate and through it.

“Move, now!” Aveline orders and Hawke holds up a hand listens to the sounds her face going pale.

“He is attacking the city; we need to get to the Viscount.” Hawke informs and they are running. She is shocked this is happening, when had Arishok been pushed this far? Why had Sten not warned her?

“Hawke, stop a moment. Hawke!” Fenris yells and shoves her into the wall pinning her there. Hawke is crying, heart wrenching sobs Fenris has heard her only one time before. 

“What happened Hawke, talk to me.” Fenris is tilting her head to look at him and she is trying to speak but can't. 

“I can't, I won't admit it. Maybe he didn't maybe he was trying to provoke me.” Hawke is sliding down the wall hiding her head in her arms utterly devastated. 

“Aveline, what happened?” Varric asks frowning. 

“Hawke asked why Arishok had Sten's blood on him; Arishok said he had killed him.” Aveline supplies not understanding the tears. Hawke is up and running again when Aveline has said it and Fenris is with her. 

“Good news is she's definitely going to kill the Arishok.” Varric says following. 

“I am missing something vital here, why would she care if Sten is dead? Who is Sten?” Aveline asks mystified. 

“Her husband.” Varric supplies and Aveline stops for a moment mouth open in shock. 

“How long?” Aveline asks quietly. 

“Over a year.” Varric draws his crossbow as they cross some Qunari dragging some women. 

“Arvaarad!” Hawke yells and he turns to her. 

“Why? Why would Arishok kill him?” Hawke is in his face yelling at him. 

“It is not my place to speak of the dead Hawke; you will have to ask him yourself. Arishok has ordered us to take the city and I am doing that. He has ordered your death and I will do that as well.” He has his blade out and Hawke slides out of the way of his swing unsheathing her swords and attacking him. 

“Okay all I got from that exchange was we are killing Qunari.” Anders says firing spells. 

“Hawke! What is going on? Why are the Qunari attacking us?” Merrill is running up to them her skin shimmering from a rock spell. 

“Daisy, where is Hawke's mother?” Varric asks and Hawke is still fighting Arvaarad. 

“Safe in Darktown with the rest of the civilians Donnic is using the guards to keep them there.” 

“Bless that man I love it when he comes up with brilliant plans.” Aveline says and Merrill nods. Finally Hawke manages to injure Arvaarad enough he stays down and joins the rest of them. 

“We need to keep moving.” Fenris orders and they move towards the Keep. Around another corner is another group of Qunari and they attack Hawke with the same fierceness as the rest of them. When that group is done though they are knocked on their asses by a Saarebas suddenly he loses his head and Hawke is face to face with Knight-Commander Meredith. 

“Knight-Commander Meredith, you must be Serrah Hawke.” Meredith is impressive in her armor. She wears no helmet instead a red hood covers her head the gold trim matching her golden hair. 

“I am, we will worry about introductions later, and we need to get to the Keep.” Hawke is nervous of the Templars behind Meredith so close to her mages. 

“First Enchanter Orinso!” Meredith leaves to help an elderly mage up. His hair is short and gray, his black eyes quickly taking in the rest of the carnage of his mages. 

“Yes, you seem surprised I am alive.” Orinso takes the offered hand. 

“I am pleased you are alive and well Enchanter, we need to stop this.” Meredith smiles slightly. 

“They are rounding up everyone important and putting them in the keep.” Hawke observes and Meredith looks at her surprised. 

“Why?” Orinso asks. 

“Put all your important people in one place and start taking heads, eventually they will bow down to your wishes to stop the slaughter and the rest will be so afraid they won't speak up.” Hawke raises an eyebrow. 

“How do you know that is what they are doing?” Orinso asks. 

“Because that's what I would do.” Hawke turns and walks to the Keep. 

“Who are you again?” Orinso asks jogging to catch up. 

“Hawke, I was the Qunari ambassador until about 2 hours ago when negotiations evidently failed.” Hawke doesn't slow or stop. 

“Did you know what you were negotiating for?” Meredith asked. 

“Yes, I knew exactly what I was negotiating for and I lost. No worries though, we'll reopen them when we get to the keep. I am predicting them to be forceful and quick.” Hawke's smile is scary and Orinso swallows nervously.

When they get to the keep there is a huge group guarding the gates. 

“We need a distraction.” Orinso observes and Meredith shakes her head no. 

“We need to get in there quickly we don't have time for a distraction.” Hawke shuts the bickering out and just focuses on her for a moment. These men are following orders, it is their way to live and die for Arishok who ordered them. 

“Hawke, what do you want to do? Want to charge or do you want a distraction?” Varric asks and Hawke opens her eyes. 

“Distraction, can you do that Orinso and Meredith? If I can get inside I can deal with Arishok.” Meredith and Orinso nods. Orinso steps out and casts a fireball. Meredith and her Templars charge in and Hawke takes a moment to watch the Templars. They are devastating to watch as they meet the blades with their shields and are hacking and slashing at the Qunari. For their part the Qunari are holding their own and taking out many of them.

Hawke and her group slip past the fighting and enter the Keep. There are bodies all over the place and she is sad for this much bloodshed. It is not easy to walk past the Qunari bodies either, each one Hawke knew or look enough like Sten for it to be walking though broken glass with every step slicing her open. 

“Tamassran.” Karasaad calls and she recognizes Sten's men. 

“Karasaad, I am sorry for your loss.” Hawke is approaching them blades out and off to her sides. 

“As we are for you, we would not fight you if we did not have to, you who were Kadan, Tamassan, and Karasaad. Know that we grieve with you.” 

Hawke nods and holds up her hand to her companions, “You will not harm them; their death is my burden to give.” 

“Hawke.” Fenris cautions and she shakes her head at them and attacks. It is 6 against 1 and it is a bloody fight that has Hawke gasping and gritting her teeth against some of the cuts she receives. She is a whirlwind of blades and acrobatics the Karasaad have no idea how to handle and they know they are outmatched by this grieving widow. First thing she does is slice them down to her level cutting off hands and slicing open knees and thighs. Then it is a matter of opening throats and sinking her poisoned blades into the right spots. She saves the one who spoke to her for last. 

As he is kneeling before her his left hand missing both of his legs unable to hold his weight Hawke cups his face gently. “You honor us Hawke.” Hawke has tears going down her face as she leans close and rubs his horn to sooth him. 

“You were worthy Karasaad, you were all worthy, I grant you peace.” She slides her blade across his throat gently and lets him fall.

Anders casts heals on her and rejuvenate. Hawke stops before the door, she is trying to figure out how to deal with this how to reign in her emotions. “You can do this Hawke; we will support whatever you want to do in there.” Fenris offers and Hawke smiles as she walks in. Arishok is on the dais looking down at them. Ashaad stand near him and the nobles are all talking at once in a din that hurts Hawke's ears. Arishok sees Hawke enter, notices the blood of his men on her and it's both pleasing and disappointing. 

“Here is your Viscount” Arishok throws his head down the steps the crown rolling away. 

“You dare! You are starting a war!” One of the nobles says he doesn't see the Karasaad behind him until it is too late and the man is dead with a slit throat. 

“Look at you like fat doth rassi you feed and feed, only complaining when your meal is interrupted. You do not look up; you do not see that the grass is bare. All you leave in your wake is misery you are blind I will make you see. But we have guests.” Hawke walks forward at this. “Shanada Hawke, I expected you but not like this, you choose to stand for this filth this cesspool of a city?” Arishok has one of his blades on his shoulder a casual show of strength. Arishok is impressive with his paint on, his horns freshly dipped. This is a warlord utterly devoted to conquering and she must never forget it. 

“I have to, it is my home and I told you long ago I would stand between you and it.” Hawke does not have her blades out is trying to figure out a way to end this trying to figure out if she can end this. Hawke's hair is in its familiar braid and he knows her eyes are the calm gray before battle. He has fought next to this woman, but never against. 

“Prove your worth Hawke, prove you can protect these doth rassi.” Arishok turns away and points to the Ashaad. 

“Remember when I told you if you ever had the chance to fight an Ashaad it would be worthy?” Fenris says as more step from the walls and Hawke takes her blades out. 

“Yes. I do, let's see how I do shall we?” Hawke is attacking the first one as her companions square off against theirs it is one of the hardest fights she's ever had to deal with. Fenris catches the one going to Anders to keep the healer out of the fight. Merrill casts a chain lighting that has Hawke dodging spears and bolts of lightning. Roundhouse kicking her Ashaad and then landing a round of knives into the one going for Merrill she smiles as Merrill freezes the one in front of her and she shatters the man with her swords. Walking up to one of the Qunari attacking Fenris Hawke slides her blade across its throat and then catches the blade of the other one as Fenris reaches in and crushes its heart. When they all lay dead Hawke twirls her swords but does not put them up as Arishok walks back to her. 

“Parshaara Hawke, you are Yassin. Few in this city command that respect from me. So tell me Yassin, you know I am denied Par-Vollen until the Tome of Koslun is found. How would you see this conflict resolved without it?” Arishok asks and Hawke bites the inside of her mouth.

“I believe I can answer that.” Isabella walks in with the book and Hawke looks at the pirate in surprise. Isabella walks up to the Arishok and hands it to him. “You will find it mostly undamaged.” She says and Arishok is surprised.

“The Tome of Koslun, I thought never to see it.” Arishok takes the book.

“It took me a while to get back what with all the fighting and such.” Isabella is looking at Hawke.

“I am glad you decided to join us.” Hawke admits tightly.

“This is your damn influence; I was half way to Austwig before I knew I had to turn around. It's pathetic.” Isabella shakes her head.

“The relic is reclaimed.” Arishok hands it off to another Arvaarad. “I am now free to return to Par-Vollen with the thief.”

“What?” Isabella squeaks.

“She stole the Tome of Koslun, she must return with us to face the Qun.” Arishok puts one of his axes over his shoulder, its a display of strength and intimidation.

“Oh no, if anyone's kicking the whore's ass it's me.” Aveline offers and Varric laughs at that. “Hawke you cannot mean to let him walk out of here alive he killed so many.” Hawke looks at Aveline looks at Arishok. “I will challenge him myself if needed.”

“No Aveline, please just trust me.” Hawke stays between Arishok and Aveline, she won’t let her harm him she can’t. Aveline finally nods hopes Hawke is right.

“Fight me for her.” Hawke has her blades out takes a deep breath.

“No Hawke I fight my own battles.”

“You can’t hush and be grateful.” Fenris grabs Isabella as two Karasaad come and grab her.

“Yassin, you would offer challenge to Arishok?” It is said in Qunlat and not by Arishok, it's Karasten. Karasten who has taught her blades, Karasten who is now second in command with Sten dead.

“I would, she is my companion and her punishment is mine to give.” This she says in Common.

“When I told him I was going to take the city he objected. Thankfully it was in private and when I reminded him I was Arishok I thought we were done. This has been planned for months. When I made preparations for the attack he publicly challenged me. As Sten he has the right to challenge me to become Arishok, he is my second in command.”

“All public challenges of leadership are to the death, healer told me that months ago.” Hawke tilts her head to regard him.

“He challenged me because he thought it would please you, he did not wish to see you suffer more. He was wrong, he could have fought with me and we all could have gone to Par-Vollen together.” Arishok admits and Hawke nods.

“You offer me excuses for a crime I did not accuse you of.” Hawke is reaching for her calm that inner murderer that can actually get this done. It was something he had said to her when she'd offered apologies for the delegates.

“You will lose Yassin, I do not wish your death.” Arishok walks closer to her she can feel his body heat fights hers knows he smells her reaction anyways.

“You can try Arishok.” Facing Karasten, “I formally challenge Arishok to incapacitate or death for the grievances of the city and my companion this is not for leadership. Do you agree?”

“I do.”

She backs off assesses his movements as he walks towards her. They'd only coached pleasure from each other, yes she had made him lose control but she'd never hurt him and he'd never hurt her. Now as he comes at her she realizes that is his goal now. “Yield Yassin, I will take you home.”

“I cannot, my life is here my family, I must stay.” 

Hawke grazes his chest with one his neck with the other slides away from his reach as he swings and misses her. He is very fast and Hawke is struggling to keep up her muscles already exhausted from the fights she has already done. When he catches her on his blade barely the cut opening and freely bleeding he is stepping on her to keep her down. “Yield Yassin.”

Hawke stabs him in the leg, “You first Arishok.” He roars steps back as Hawke gains her knees and stabs him just under his heart having him topple backwards he can't breathe.

Pain blossoms in her chest as she falls to her knees next to him. “Yield Arishok.”

“Kill me Yassin, there is no Yield in me.” When she rears up to stab him again he catches her throws her to knock her unconscious against the pillar struggles to his feet.

“Arishok wins.” Seneschal Bran admits when he checks Hawke.

“Bring her, the book and the thief. Sarebaas heal her, do not let her die.” Sarebaas steps forward lays hands on Hawke his magic patching her up even as she is already healing.

“You will not take her Arishok, I will see you dead first.” Aveline has stepped forward and blocked Hawke as an Ashaad goes to pick her up.

“It is better this way Captain.” Arishok stands still as Sarebaas heals him.

Aveline has pulled her blade sees the rest of the companions step forward. “You will not take her.”

“I will be back Captain, Yassin has done what she said she would.” Arishok walks past Hawke and Aveline Karasaad hang onto Isabella's arms as she is dragged out with them. “Panahedan Yassin.”

“Panahedan Arishok.” Hawke answers weakly gently stands with the help of Fenris as Anders heal her more. She takes a deep breath as Orinso and Meredith come in. “It's over?” Meredith asks scanning the room carefully.

“It is over.” Hawke confirms and cheers erupt.

“The city has been saved!”

Meredith puts her blade up and walks to Hawke. “It seems the city has a new Champion.”

“Champion” echoes and Hawke shakes her head. Hawke makes no speeches wishes only to get out of there. Eventually she can and she goes directly to the Qunari compound.


	55. Grief

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Song in this song is Day is Gone by Forest Rangers

“Follow.” Healer orders as Hawke walks into the compound Fenris on her heels having told the others to go home or do their jobs as necessary. Fenris had refused to leave her side. Healer takes her to the ring and Hawke is to the body in a moment and kneels her head on his chest. Sten is covered in cuts, it had been a good fight though the wound cleaving his chest nearly in two the death blow. 

“I should have been here, I should have stayed.” Hawke admits in between a litany of sorry.

“It would not have mattered if you were here or not, he would have done it anyways or you would have and it would be him here now.” Healer says matter of fact and Hawke nods.

“Thank you for everything Healer. I know you didn't have to teach me but you did.”

“You were worthy Hawke, remember that.” Healer walks away.

Fenris does not hurry her; he does not offer anything other than the quiet stillness of his presence. Arishok watches her from a distance her grief pulls at him demands he comforts her, he cannot go to her. She had said she wanted to stay, he respects her choice and is shocked when he hears her sing. He has known this woman for years and never heard her sing, she offers up her voice in Qunari and all of the men stop to hear her lament and her grief raw.

Take it back  
I would take it back   
For just another minute   
Just another chance with you 

Give it up  
I would give everything up   
Every last breath   
Every first taste, for you.  
Just to make it alright.   
Just to make it alright. 

But its too late, to go back.  
I can see the darkness, through the cracks.   
Daylight fading, I curse the breaking.   
The day is gone.   
The day is gone. 

You were my light, my guide to love  
I welcome the darkness, will always welcome it.  
I would give up the darkness  
Just another day with you  
Just another day with you

Her voice runs out in more sobs “Ask the Arishok if I may burn him so his body is not defiled.” Hawke asks quietly and Fenris approaches the Arishok.

“Do you come to avenge her grief?” Arishok asks and Fenris shakes his head no.

“She asks if she can burn his body to keep it from being defiled.”

“Arvaarad, bring Saarebas to burn Sten. It is the last request of his mate and it will be honored.” Arvaarad nods and takes Saarebas to Hawke.

“You have another question?” Arishok asks and Fenris nods.

“Where are his blades?”

“His blades will be returned to Par-Vollen, his soul would not wish to rest here and she would not accept them.”

Fenris nods, “She carries enough souls to not need his as well.”

“She is worthy elf, she was always Yassin. Remind her of that, she will need it.” Arishok leaves at that and Fenris goes to watch the body burn with Hawke.

Eventually Hawke leaves stopping long enough at the tent Sten and her shared to get her stuff. “Why did you not kill him?” Fenris asks as they walk to the estate.

“Because he is Arishok.” Hawke answers woodenly and Fenris frowns but does not ask any further questions. When Hawke gets to the estate she climbs up the drain and goes into her window. Fenris follows and knows she is undressing and getting into a bath. He also knows she is crying again and he is utterly lost on how to deal with it.

“Fenris, I take it she's in the bath?” Anders comes in and Fenris nods.

“Leave you two, I will be alone.” Hawke comes in from the bathroom and shoves them out her door and locks it.

“Who is Sten?” Anders asks when the group is all gathered at Hanged Man.

“He was her husband or mate or other half whatever you want to call him.” Varric speaks quietly.

“How long were they together?” Anders is curious.

“Over a year, Sten was Qunari, when Arishok demanded she stay and heal they hit it off.” Varric takes another swig of drink.

“Why did she not kill Arishok? We all saw the blade she hesitated.” Aveline asks and both Varric and Fenris shrug.

“She never told Justice she was married, never told any of us. How did you and Fenris know?” Anders asks curious.

“When she first got back from the compound she was going there almost every night. She finally got tired of Broody and I following her and she told us under penalty of death.”

“Do you think I should talk to her? After Wesley died she was one of the few who comforted me, her and Bethany.” Aveline says and Fenris shakes his head no. “Hawke will find her own way, she always does.”

Hawke hides in the estate for days, her mother doesn't understand why she doesn't want to come out to all the fancy parties they are invited to doesn't understand as her daughter screams her grief like it is a visceral pain. “Tessa, enough honey. You are coming out of your room and you are going to go somewhere with me. Get dressed.” Leandra is pulling the covers off of Hawke who was crying in her sleep she's stopped screaming finally. “Talk to me Tessa, what is wrong?” Leandra sits on the bed and Anders comes in to stand in the doorway.

“Leave me be mother, please just let me be.” Hawke pulls the covers up.

“Not until you talk to me. You have been like this for days and I have no idea why. Are you upset the Arishok left? Were you sleeping with the Arishok?”

Hawke rolls her eyes can’t admit to anything. “No. I was not sleeping with the Arishok. I am very happy he left. Please leave me be.” False she sounds so false to herself.

“Talk to me Tessa!”

“No. I will not share my grief with you, you really wouldn't understand and it will not make me feel better and I will not hear you go hysterical when I really just want to be left alone.” Hawke is beyond her breaking point on this just wants to scream and cry in peace.

“I am not leaving until you talk to me.”

“Then enjoy the empty space.” Hawke is up out of the bed and into pants with her armor over her shoulder along with her blades faster than Leandra can stop her. Pressing her lips to her mother's forehead she drops out of the window and is gone.

“Do you know what is going on with her?” Leandra asks Anders and he shakes his head no.

“Even if I did know I'd never betray her trust to you. I've worked too damn hard to get it.” Anders leaves Leandra sitting on the bed looking at the door in wonder.

Fenris doesn't even know she is in the house until he hears the lute playing. Walking in he sits in his chair and watches. Her back is to him but she knows he is there as she plays not offering up her voice she can't she's crying too hard. “Are you ready to talk yet?” Fenris asks when she is between songs and Hawke shakes her head no wraps her arms around herself sliding to the floor her hands a motley show of bruises and cuts. She's not healing, she's not hunting and as she beats her hands on the floor her head hidden in her arms she is silently screaming in pain Fenris is powerless to give her any comfort than his presence. Anders comes in and watches her, quickly crosses to her sliding the lute out of danger scoops her up trying to hang onto her as she claws at him his touch, any touch causing physical pain but he hangs on grimly willing her to accept him begging her.

“Leave Anders, I do not want your comfort. I do not want anyone's.” Hawke untangles herself. Anders tilts her chin up and kisses her and then steps back with a split lip.

“I am not yours Anders; you will not try that again.” Hawke is furious and Fenris can work with that it's better than the screams of pain.

“We are trying to comfort you, we have no idea how Hawke. Your pity party is very much deserved but you are Champion of Kirkwall and you have things you need to get done. So we will hug you, kiss you and piss you off until you snap out of it.” Hawke smiles sadly at that. She who chased the Qunari out of town, she who rescued the city from the Qunari invasion and it’s all nugshit. She regrets not going with them, begs every night to be killed or reunited with Arishok hers the pull of a lost mate and the grief of the man she desperately loved.

“Is that so long as I don't touch you right?” Hawke is bitter and it's an old grievance she can use.

“Actually he's fine with the touching now; Isabella seemed to have worked that out for him.” Anders supplies not even realizing what he was saying or how it sounds. Hawke takes one look at Anders and then Fenris and flees nearly knocking Varric over in the process she didn't need that reminder.

“Muzzle Anders, you are so getting one for Feast Day.” Varric does not go after Hawke. “Are we any closer to getting her sane again?” Varric asks and both men shake their heads no.

“Leandra pushed the issue otherwise she'd still be in the Estate. She's not healing which means she's not hunting, Maker but she loved him.” Anders sits wearily hands on the back of his neck pushing his head between his knees regards Varric and Fenris both. 

“She wasn't like this for Carver or Beth.” Varric shakes his head taking the offered glass of wine from Fenris as he passes one to Anders as well.

“She mourned Carver by swearing vengeance on Bartrand; she used the Qunari to distract her from Beth.” Anders answers.

“Was she like this when I left her?” Fenris asks carefully not sure he wants that answer.

“Not really, I don't think she could be she had too much shit to do, too many other distractions. Don't get me wrong we had some drunk chained to the bed moments and I really did contemplate killing you for a few weeks there but she distracted herself and recovered decently.” Varric shrugs when he finishes this.

“You don't think this is more than Sten being killed do you?” Varric asks skeptically.

“Yes this is more than Sten being killed Varric; she is grieving the loss of love. She was happy; his death just sets her back on the not worthy path. Still not sure why she let Arishok go though, never would have guessed she wouldn't seek vengeance for that.” Anders takes a swig from his glass holds it up to the light to examine it.

“Arishok told her he did it because Sten attacked him. She said she didn't challenge him for that she was only challenging for Isabella. By the Qun she can't seek Vengeance for it, as to why she hesitated and didn't kill Arishok no idea.” Fenris is shaking his head surprised.

“Leandra’s pushed her out of the Estate and we pushed her out of here any ideas where she is?” Varric looks around finishes the wine and sets the glass down.

“Compound. There is a Taarbas here, I wonder if collecting the blades would help.” Fenris is formulating a plan in his head wonders if it will work.

“Taarbas? What is that?” Varric asks frowning.

“Collects the Qunari blades, he can't leave until every blade is recovered maybe that will help Hawke.” Fenris admits.

“Broody, if it works I'm all for it however if she tries to get on the damn ship with the man and go to Par-Vollen I am going to skewer you with your own blade.” Varric threatens and Fenris nods in agreement.


	56. Collected Souls

When Fenris had suggested she collect the blades Hawke had flat denied the idea. “Hawke, as a soul collector it is your job to move them on to their next place. You need to do this, collecting the blades will be collecting their souls.” Fenris is physically restraining her from leaving the bedroom Anders is there watching a silent partner in this endeavor.

“Fine.” Hawke had bitten out had allowed Anders to heal her fingers after she had broken them in her last tantrum.

“When was the last time you ate?” Fenris asks realizing just how much weight is missing from Hawke, her armor doesn't fit her well she will have chaffing and raw spots walking around in it. “Take your armor off, you can't wear it you've lost too much condition.” Fenris is unbuckling her chestpiece his fingers long familiar with the buckles on it having cleaned and repaired it so many times. Hawke fights him and Fenris is appalled at how easily she is out of breath, how easily he overpowers her.

“Hawke if you want to die than allow me the honor, but this?” Fenris has the chestpiece off pulls the shirt up to see every single rib pulls her bracers off without even needing to undo them. Her hair is dull, lifeless her eyes bagged with circles and bloodshot. “Why? He would not want this, you were Kadan he'd never allow his heart to suffer this much.”

“I don't, if he died he was to take me with him. I wasn't supposed to stay, I was supposed to go with them but I can't. I can't leave, too many obligations, too many need me, I am tired so tired.” Hawke slides down the wall, Fenris looks to Anders guidance on how to handle this Hawke would be appreciated.

“I swore I would kill you if you wanted me to and I will, say it and it is done.” Fenris cups her chin looks into her eyes searches for the will to live and is not finding any.

“Fenris, if you think I'd stand here and let you kill her you are fade touched.” Anders is walking across the bedroom his step even and Justice is tingling along his limbs.

“Let him go Justice.” Hawke catches Anders' ankle fingers twitching for a blade.

“Tessa he would kill you, he means it. I would not allow you to join me in the fade yet you have so much life to live.” Justice looks down at her looks back to Fenris.

“LET HIM GO NOW!” Hawke yells at Justice hers the voice of someone used to giving commands.

“Tessa.” Hawke is up grabbing the knife from Anders' belt pushing him against the wall with her arm the blade nicking against Anders' throat.

“Let him go or die now.” Hawke is not kidding digs the blade in further waits as Justice leaves watches as Anders' eyes come back to normal.

“Hawke, please don't let him kill you. Fenris is right Sten would not want you to die he would want you to live.” Anders is holding the hand with the blade to his throat. “Besides only you can convince Justice to back off in a fight, he's very impressed with you.” Anders offers a half smile isn't surprised when Hawke doesn't answer it realizes she is very pale a sweat broken out on her brow.

Hawke steps back from Anders after sheathing the knife stumbles a bit Fenris catches her guides her back to the bed. “How long Hawke? When was the last time you ate?” Hawke shakes her head no doesn't even struggle when Fenris keeps a hold on her. “Broth, bread and water we need to get something in her.”

Anders is already out of the room comes back shortly with the items sets the tray on the nightstand. “I got this Fenris; she can't be as bad as a cranky kid taking medicine.” Anders wraps an arm around Hawke takes the cup of water and when Hawke would fight him for it he simply bites her ear pours it into her mouth when she yells in pain. Once the water hits her mouth Hawke stops fighting continues to sip at the water dips the bread in the broth eats it slowly.

“Please tell me you do not bite your patient's ears to get them to take medicine.” Fenris arches an eyebrow at the mage as they watch Hawke finish everything.

“Only the really pretty ones.” Anders smiles wickedly checks where the sun is. “If we are going to talk to Taarbas we need to get a move on.”

Fenris nods throws a tunic at Hawke unbuckles the straps that keeps Hawke's belt to her chestpiece with all of the daggers waits for Hawke to stand before putting it on her. She looks naked without the chestpiece on, without her swords on. “Leave your blades here, you can't use them anyways you'll have to use your daggers and knives.” Hawke scowls at Fenris but doesn't fight him. “Since the mage has failed to take proper care of you, you are going to be staying with me until you are recovering.”

“I'm not staying with you Fenris; I am fine on my own.” Hawke turns to the window to leave but Fenris shakes his head no.

“Use the front door Hawke, not enough condition for you to make that trip up or down the tree and you know it.”

“Besides I am sure your mother would love to see you use it.” Anders adds stopping long enough to grab a cloak for Hawke puts it on her pulling the hood up and getting his staff.

“Tessa? Is that you? You look dreadful! Anders, Fenris you can't take her out looking like that she is the Champion she needs to look presentable.” Leandra is up from the expensive sofa walking towards them as they head down the stairs. “Anders, you will answer me! You cannot think to take her out looking like that.” Anders sees the cowering of Hawke the shrinking as Leandra's words strike her like a whip.

Anders spins and faces Hawke's mother takes a calming breath. “Let's focus on the positive right now Mrs. Amell which is she is walking out the door. Fenris and I are taking her out for a little while we won't be in Hightown so no one will care what she looks like we'll be back later.”

“Tessa! You will answer me when I speak to you.” Leandra is down the stairs reaching for Hawke.

“Don't mother, please just leave me be.” Hawke begs doesn't look at her, dare not turn towards her mother.

“Tessa, you will not leave out of that door looking like that. You are an Amell, you are a noble and you will represent this family better. You have been holed up in your room for weeks not even trying to live up to the noble title of Champion they bestowed on you. You aren't even wearing the armor they gave you.” Leandra has her arm spins Hawke to look at her.

“Mother I am a Hawke not an Amell, and I am representing this family. It was me who paid for this house, me who keeps this house and you in its comfort. I am damn tired of titles and living up to what people want of me. Especially you now let me go I have other places to be tonight.” Hawke yanks out of Leandra's hand and isn't expecting the slap.

“You will not speak to me that way Tessa, not now not ever. Get back up those stairs, do something with your hair and your clothes and then we will discuss where you will or won't be going.”

Fenris is lite up, his markings promising death shortly to the gray haired woman who would dare lay hands on Hawke. Hawke who is grieving, Hawke who is trying so desperately to get back up from the pit of loss. But he can't tell this woman that, can't tell this woman he hates how she reminds him of Danarius how he sees so much of himself in Hawke when she deals with this woman. How much he would love to rip this woman's heart out but won't touch her would never dare because she is precious to Hawke.

“Good night mother.” Hawke doesn't let the tears spill, doesn't put fingers up to stop the blood welling up on the cut from the family crest ring she walks out the door Fenris holds open as Anders inserts himself between Hawke and Leandra. Neither man dares comment on the silent tears falling once she is out of the house, neither would dare say a word negative or otherwise about Leandra nor dare to touch Hawke to offer comfort knowing she would not want it wouldn't take it.

By the time they are in front of Taarbas Hawke is the picture of calm and collected her face the cold mask she shows to everyone her hands steady as she presents herself for Taarbas. “Yassin, I was surprised when Arishok left you here. How may you serve the Qun?”

“I am told you are collecting the souls of the Qunari, I offer my services in their retrieval.” Hawke waits for the Taarbas' decision.

Taarbas really looks at Hawke, sees the circles the loss of weight sees she does not have her own souls on her back. However she is standing which is more than he can say for many after the loss of their mate of their hearts. “I accept your help Yassin, may you prove worthy of the task.” He bends putting his forehead to hers feels her tense at the contact grabs the back of her head when she would retreat keeps her there as the emotions hit her as she masters the memories this small gesture causes. “That you grieve does not make you less Yassin.” He lets her go when he knows she will stand on her own will not request the help of the elf or the Saarebas. “I have gathered the ones in the Compound, it is the ones outside of that the ones that have been picked up by the Bas that I am having trouble recovering. I am missing 12 souls Yassin, each will have the worthy mark on them denoting them as ours. Do you know this symbol?”

Hawke nods, she would know the symbol of her name blind it was one of the few symbols Arishok had taught her as she had painted his Vitaar on every morning. Closing her eyes against that memory, her fingers tracing the symbol in the air between her and Taarbas sees as he nods clenches her fist again knows she is close to collapse looks to see they are in far too public a place for her to grieve right now. “Guard her will elf, she is Arishok's Yassin.” Fenris' eyes go wide at that as he recalls all the conversations he's had with Hawke about Arishok how he'd called her Yassin.

Anders takes Hawke's arm starts walking away and Fenris hesitates looks back to Taarbas. “Arishok made her Yassin, not Sten?” Taarbas nods. “She is worthy of Arishok, worthy to be his mate, worthy to carry his child?” Taarbas nods again and crosses his arms at Fenris. Fenris looks back at Hawke looks back to Taarbas shakes his head and follows Hawke. They made a mistake; they should have let him take her.

Next morning starts Hawke's hunt to find the blades as she walks from shop to shop looking at blades testing them for all the world looking like she is either buying a gift or weaponry for her own arsenal. She makes it into her second shop when she is met with a mob of people wanting to wish the Champion well and could she go to their shops and what was she looking for and on and on until Hawke is desperately looking for a way out and realizes she can't get up onto the roofs that she is grounded and powerless. She is reaching for weapons that aren't there is not intimidating in plain tunic and pants even with her daggers riding on her hips. “I am sure everyone needs to get back to their daily routines if you don't mind Champion.” Aveline glares at the crowd her presence enough to send most of the merchants scattering as Aveline looks at Hawke looks away quickly shocked at what she sees. “Hawke? Where are Varric, Anders, Fenris okay I'll even take Merrill at this point what are you doing out here by yourself?” Aveline is in shock, she hasn't seen Hawke since the Arishok left she's been dealing with repairs and making sure her guards are being seen by the populace.

“I'm shopping for swords.” Hawke finally answers indicating the one she left on the counter not 5 seconds ago.

“Right, Donnic and Harry stay with the Champion and make sure she is not disturbed while she shops.” Aveline is positive she never thought she would be uttering those words about Tessa Hawke, slayer of dragons, Qunari, darkspawn and whatever else gets in her path.

Hawke turns back to the swords seeing one she thinks might be a Qunari blade and asking for it. “Ah this one is a recent addition; notice the fine craftsmanship and the balanced edge. Would this be for Serrah's brother?” Merchant is soft spoken knows by the look of Hawke she is not well.

“No, this one is a gift for someone else and I will take it. Can you please wrap it as well as the dagger there?” Hawke indicates the dagger she means having seen the wood handle when she first walked in.

“That one is part of a set Serrah, would you like them both?” Hawke nods. “Very well I will have them delivered to your home this afternoon.” Hawke moves on, she found three the first day just in the shops always buying one or two more than she needs knows she can sell them back to other merchants.

“Hawke, how many blades did you buy today?” Varric asks as he sees the wrapped bundles in her room he counts 15.

“I have found 7 of the Qunari blades so far but total I have bought 20 blades of different styles and lengths it really is a pity you don't need one.” Hawke is sitting on the bed cleaning her own blades food sitting on the nightstand uneaten.

“Uh huh, well let's eat shall we?” Varric indicates the food knows Hawke will shake her head no. “Eat it or I will get Anders in here to make you.” Hawke glares at him even as said mage comes to lean on the door eyes quickly taking in the scene.

“Please eat Hawke, you still aren't strong enough to even wield your blades.” Anders doesn't even have to duck the blade that sails at him as it glances ineffectively off the wall. “Okay that is just sad.” Hawke glares at him but does pick up the tray of food eats a few bites eats a few more when Anders continues to glower at her.

“Tessa! Please tell me you are getting ready for the party. I bought you that dress and shoes and we are leaving here in 15 minutes.” Hawke rolls her eyes, “Don't roll your eyes at me Tessa you are coming to the party if I have to physically drag you out of here.” Leandra opens the door takes in the food, the blade on the bed with oil and rag and all the wrapped packages of blades in a look. “You look like you are expecting those heathens to come back. Is there a war I do not know about?”

“No.”

“Well Rex Trevelyan will be here to escort you shortly so I strongly suggest you get ready.” Leandra doesn't even feign interest in either Varric or Anders being there. “Now Tessa, I was not kidding about dragging you out of here.”

“I'd rather be eaten by a dragon than go to one of these parties mother.” Hawke finishes eating sets the tray on the nightstand.

“Tessa. NOW.” Leandra is walking towards her and Hawke is up and out of the bed gaining her feet sloppily heads to the bathroom. “Good girl, gentlemen if you will leave her to get ready I would be appreciated.” Leandra stands at the door waits until both men are out of the door cleans up the oil from the bed putting a lid on it moving the blade to the nightstand. Pulling the dress and shoes out she manages to get Hawke into the dress, hair done and shoes on without too much of a fuss.

Rex is a younger son of a very large, very noble house and a known womanizer. Hawke manages to slip one knife onto her belt without too much protest since they had not hired an escort. “Rex you look handsome.” Leandra is dripping noble woman and Hawke just really wants to get out of there.

“Champion, so nice of you to join us.” It's the echoed sentiment from every lip as Rex squires her around the room grabbing Hawke's ass, brushing against her breast. “Rex, try to corner me again and I will shove my dagger in your gut. I may wear a dress but I can and will spill your blood in the middle of this room.” Hawke is icy resolve though Rex winks at her.

“Bark all you want Tessa, you will be moaning below me before the night is done.” Rex strokes her face and Tessa is forced to endure it knows she can't stop him right now not in the middle of this dance hall. Stepping through the next dance Hawke is trying to plan her escape not seeing one either.

“Did you hear she bedded one of those Heathens? I swear if she is not married properly in the next few months people will begin to really believe those rumors! She was supposed to marry Seamus the poor dear.” Is another litany of things said well within Hawke's hearing and she is done.

“Rex, my apologies I really think I need to go home I am not feeling well.” Hawke is trying to extract herself from him and he is not letting her go.

“I'll escort you, no reason for you to head home on your own.” Rex makes sure Leandra will make it home safely.

“Go on Tessa, I will get an escort from Rex's father and mother.” Leandra actually winks at Hawke making her daughter shudder in apprehension. Rex escorts her home his hands continue to roam over her making Hawke shudder not wanting this not needing this.

“Ready to moan for me pet?” Rex is pulling her into the house his mouth descending on hers then is not as Hawke is being pulled out of the house placed behind a very pissed off Fenris who has markings glowing.

“Leave now noble, you will not darken this door again.” Fenris has Hawke behind him has pulled Rex out of the door as well turns putting Hawke in the house staying between her and Rex.

“Elf you will remove yourself from my path this moment.” Rex is pompous and indignant noble which does nothing to impress Fenris as he slams the door in Rex's face spinning to face Hawke.

“Hawke, say something are you okay?” Fenris has her face in his hands notices she keeps hers away from him her entire body arching away from him.

“I'm fine Fenris, thank you.” Hawke steps away from heads up the stairs shoes in hand having already removed them the moment they were in the door. Fenris follows up the stairs as Hawke shucks clothing quickly getting into the bath turning the water on scalding hot rubbing the cloth against her skin trying to Rex off of her. He takes the time to hang the clothes, put the shoes up knows Hawke won't.

“Hawke stop, stop Anders!” Fenris watches as Hawke's nails rake long rows of red down her arms literally trying to tear her skin off.

Anders is there taking in the scene of Hawke trying to rip her skin off and Fenris catching her hands and trying to keep her from it. “Get her out of there, she doesn't have any souls to heal with I'll get her something to put her under.” Anders leaves as Fenris wrestles Hawke out of the bath keeps her hands trapped against her dries her off, gets her dressed manages to pin her to the bed. Hawke is crying, hers the heart wrenching sobs of grief all over again.

“Please Fenris, just leave me alone.” Hawke wants to claw Rex off, Sten had been the last one to kiss her she could still close her eyes and feel his lips against hers still taste Arishok on her tongue as the warlord had her suck on his fingers. She had been wrapped in Sten's arms the morning of the attack their bodies worshiping each other. “It hurts, please I can't.” Anders gets the potion down her sags with relief when she finally sleeps.

“I am going to hazard the nobleman wasn't acting the proper noble tonight?” Anders asks watching as Fenris shakes his head no. “She is so weak right now; if you hadn't been there would she have even been able to fight him off?” Fenris shakes his head no again. “We have got to get her back on her feet, there has to be someone that can take her grief, ease her somehow, something.”

“I hate your abomination but he is a spirit, it might behoove you to see what he can do. I know Hawke has made deals before with spirits and demons if she needs something extra.” Fenris is loath to suggest anything like this.

“Not how that works Fenris, she only deals with Vengeance and Justice she's owned by one and helped by the other she can't make deals with other demons. I can't see Vengeance holding her grief or giving her any help at all from this pain he's probably feeding off it. Justice doesn't work like that with her, he helps her with the souls not with herself she's always so,” Anders makes a gesture with his hand.

“Hawke? Yeah I know but this grief is tearing her apart her pain is not something she can move against or past.” Fenris removes the pins from Hawke's hair finger combs it removing the rest placing them on the vanity.

“Time, time is the only thing that can help with this.” Anders places fingers against Hawke's cheek frowns when he realizes how flushed she is has an interesting thought having his magic check.

“She's not with child Anders.” Fenris knows where the mage's mind is going.

“How would you know?” Anders is curious does the check anyways.

“Pregnancy smells differently on a woman, more feminine and Hawke's never smelt like that. She smells like blood and vanilla and rain. When she mated with Sten there was a musk over the top of it, his scent very cinnamon. Now she still smells musky but its fading, she's going back to the vanilla. If she was pregnant the cinnamon would stick and become sweeter besides with the way she's been neglecting herself her body would have abandoned the child weeks ago.” Anders concedes the point with a nod.

“Tessa?” Leandra opens the door sees Fenris sitting on the chair facing the bed Anders perched on the bed with Hawke sound asleep between them though her arm is visible the angry red marks evident against the pale skin. “What happened?” Leandra walks closer to Hawke looks to see if there are any other marks.

“We stopped to help a cat who didn't appreciate it on the way home.” Anders offers innocently knows Leandra shouldn't buy it.

“Figures she would do more harm than good to even a cat. She is incapable of doing anything right I do hope the dress and shoes are put up.” Leandra heads over to the armoire where the dress hangs though Leandra tuts at the wrinkles. “You would think she'd figure out how to hang her clothes properly and didn't even clean her shoes before she put them away!”

“Mrs. Amell, Leandra please stop. You know Tessa hasn't been sleeping well at all and she is sleeping which I think she needs. I am sure Tessa will hear your concerns in the morning.” Anders is polite and to the point earning a glare from Leandra but the woman does leave closing the door quietly behind her. “I have seen her with you, I have received untold kindness from that woman why is she so horrible to her own daughter?”

“Because she'll never forgive me for killing Beth, for killing dad, for losing Carver, my sins are many.” Hawke opens her eyes turns to regard Anders on the bed and Fenris on the chair.

“Dammit Hawke, that potion should have put you out until morning. I mean this in the most non offending way possible I hate your mother.” Anders is honest about this strokes her face getting hair out of her eyes.

“Thank you Fenris and Anders, I know I didn't earlier. Now go away both of you, I need to sleep.” Hawke is blinking back tears her grief trying to take over again.

“Tessa, please let me help you.” Justice places his hand on Hawke's releases her when Hawke's eyes turn stormy already retreating back to Anders.

“Get out.” It is said with command and venom both men retreat from this Hawke secretly celebrates her appearance.

Hawke carries the blades carefully hers a heavy burden of the 7 swords she has found. When she approaches Taarbas he gently takes them from her his eyes already meeting Fenris' as he watched her carry the swords he's stayed away from her but watched over her. “7 souls, you have done well in your task though it has taken much from you.”

“I will give my task all that is required.” Hawke answers automatically and sees Taarbas nod in agreement at the correct response.

“If you require guidance I can provide some. Tal-Vashoth hold two of the blades, theirs the choice to loot the dead they are not worthy of them. They are not worthy to fall to your souls but your task will demand their blood.” Hawke bows at this knowledge smiles slightly, kill something now that is definitely something she can do.

“No.” Fenris shakes his head, crosses his arm in the same pose as Varric and Anders as they glare at her. It is evening and she is more than ready to kill something.

“But this needs to be done, I need those swords this was your idea.” Hawke is headed towards hysterical something none of the present company have dealt with before both Anders and Fenris look to Varric wonders if the dwarf can handle this.

“If you can beat Fenris sparring we'll go.” Varric indicates the elf whose blade is not currently on him. Hawke who is always spoiling for a fight reaches over her shoulder to unsheathe her blades and comes up empty. Never one to be deterred by lack of blades she pulls her daggers knows they are clean and is after Fenris who easily rolls back doesn't even bother with his blade as he traps one of her wrists and then the other making her release both. When she would continue the fight Fenris pulls her against him her arms crossed in front of her as her back is to him held between one of his while his other hand is wrapped around her hips keeping her pinned.

“Kost Yassin, taashath at shok. Peace worthy, calm your struggling.” Each Qunari word said to her is the crack of the whip but Fenris keeps repeating it.

“Katoh, stop please stop mercy I beg you please stop.” Is her reply, Fenris follows as she falls to the floor not letting her go keeping her unable to struggle doesn't stop repeating the words until she finally stops feels the calm go over her body releases her. As soon as Fenris releases her Hawke is back up dashing for the door but Fenris is far faster trips her winces as her body slams into the marble floor. Grabs her ankle pulls her to him blocks as she would hit and kick him sitting on her legs keeping her pinned grabs her hands and keeping them pinned as well.

“Two rounds to me so far Hawke, now stop this foolishness and accept the help I am offering. You want to fight let's get you there but running off to fight right now will get you killed. If that is the goal you are after I will spare you the trip.” Hawke shakes her head no. “Good, now get out you interrupted the weekly Wicked Grace guys’ night game. There is a rule no females allowed. If you want company you are welcome to head to Aveline's house Merrill is there they usually do something for the night.” Fenris smiles at her shock at being told those words. “We do have lives outside of following you all over the place and killing things. You are the center of our group but we can operate on our own.” Fenris slides her away from him watches as she gets up. “See you in the morning Hawke I'll have you ready to fight in a couple of weeks.”  
When she leaves Varric scowls at Fenris along with Anders. “Really Broody? She is looking for a fight we should be taking her hunting.”

“I will, tomorrow tonight is all about the cards let's play.” Fenris gets back up grabs the cards and shuffles them.

It is weeks of trying to get Hawke into shape, she is there but mentally she's not. Fenris mourns the woman she was knows she will never be the same. “She is as ready as I can get her Varric, her choice to live or die is out of my hands.” Fenris concludes as they walk to Hawke’s house wait as Bodhan lets them in make their way to Hawke’s bedroom. Neither are ready for their fearless leader to have a victim in her bed splayed with a limb tied to each post said leader crumpled in a heap not steps from her bathroom very scary pool of blood under her.

“Is she alive?” Varric asks as Fenris approaches Hawke checks to see she is alive, barely.

“Get her a bath running.” Fenris is calm and cool though his mind is screaming at him about this.

“She doesn’t bring her victims home, why would she this time?” Varric is confused realizes the man had gotten loose from one of his bindings had managed to stab Hawke a few times though his injuries finally killed him.

Fenris realizes Hawke isn’t in armor. “This one came to her, shit I hope she has souls to heal with.” Fenris is looking at the victim isn’t sure if he recognizes this one or not though Varric groans when he finds the man’s gear.

“Why is a guard in your room Hawke? Aveline is going to go crazy over this.” Varric heads into the bathroom where Fenris is making sure Hawke’s healing.

“She’s healing, we need to keep Leandra occupied, catch Merrill before she walks in here please.” Varric is out the door steering Merrill away from Hawke’s bedroom groans when he sees Aveline.

“Varric is Hawke up yet? Guard I had assigned to her is missing not sure what is going on but I need to make sure she is okay.” Varric is about to spin a story when Merrill sniffs looks down to Varric’s feet.

“Why do you have fresh blood on your feet Varric? Is Hawke hurt?”

Aveline is knocking Varric out of the way as she makes it to the landing opens the door to Hawke’s room Merrill letting out a little scream before turning away Aveline taking in the scene spins to look at Varric. “Where is she?” Varric shakes his head backs away as Aveline stalks to him.

“Aveline, she is in here she’s hurt badly.” Merrill stays away from Fenris who is glowing and threatening as Aveline comes to the bathroom door.

“Hawke!” For a moment Aveline is not the Captain she is the friend of a woman who looks very dead floating in a tub head held above water by Fenris. “Please tell me she’s alive.” Fenris nods catches Hawke’s hand 7as she gasps eyes opening wide taking in Fenris and then Aveline coughs is held as she spits gobs of blood up finally quieting leaning back in the tub releasing the plug on it turning on the spout to dunk her hair in it coughs more regards Aveline.

“He was obsessed with me, actually climbed in my window to attack me.” Hawke stands shakily winces at the scar on her side where the knife had slid in and punctured her lung. Hawke’s aware how see through her gown is about the time Fenris notices the claw marks on her ribs.

“What did those Hawke?” Aveline asks curious earns a shake of the head as a response. “I can see where he got you but why the torture? How could you? He was a good man.” Aveline is shaking her head no.

“If he was obsessed with me I needed to see if there was anyone else. There was, he also has a partner they like to watch.” Hawke is pulling the wet nightgown off dries herself with a towel Aveline turns away looks at the bed again approaching carefully.

“You are the DarkTown Carver!” Aveline spins regard Hawke her breathes coming out low and shallow.

“You have no proof of that Aveline.” Varric shakes his head no.

“You knew! You knew she did this that she does this; all of those people how could you Hawke? I can’t believe I didn’t put it together before now.” Aveline crumples to the floor Fenris catching the guard carefully.

“Thank you Merrill, can you make her forget?” Merrill nods wipes a hand over Aveline’s face at Hawke’s request. “Let’s get this cleaned up.” Hawke takes a vial out unscrews the top drops a couple on the body on the bed gags as the smell comes through. “Ugh, okay Fen help me get this rolled up and shoved into my closet get his gear and the rug as well.” Fenris is quick and quiet in his assignment.

“You got a plan for Aveline?” Varric asks helping with the rug.

“What is going on in here?” Anders is standing at the door looks to see Aveline on the ground runs to her.

“Don’t wake her yet Anders, I need her to sleep for the moment I need to get her somewhere other than here where is mother?”

Anders hovers his hands over Aveline Fenris’ ears twitching, “She is in the living room, we need to come up with a plan here.” Fenris is already remaking the bed Hawke helping him when she sees the rug Varric is rolling.

“Stop with the rug, rest of you out for the moment I need to spin this just right.”

“How is that?” Varric crosses his arms.

“I was attacked Guard saved me and I made it to my room. You guys found me got me healed I have no idea where the assailant or the guard are.”

Varric nods pulls out Hawke’s light leather tunic, “Put the appropriate holes in this, you haven’t been wearing your proper armor in weeks another night of it won’t matter.” Fenris does as asked lays the tunic on the bed closes the door behind Varric and Merril as Aveline wakes up takes in the pool of blood locks eyes with Hawke.

“What happened?” Aveline is rubbing the back of her head.

“You startled me, I’m sorry Aveline after I was attacked last night I’m a bit jumpy.” Aveline takes the lie hook bait and sinker shakes her head when she leaves.

“Maker Hawke what were you thinking doing that shit in here?” Varric shakes his head at her.

“I don’t know.” Hawke shakes her head twirls her dagger in her fingers looks at Fenris. “I do not remember the attack, I don’t remember doing all of this what if he was innocent? What if Aveline can’t find out he is obsessed with me?”

Fenris grabs her hand stills the dagger stills her keeps his touch firm but not threatening. “Those are all things to worry about later; let’s get the last two blades Hawke.” Fenris needs her to focus Hawke nods finishes pulling on armor putting poisons on blades Anders running hands over her as they walk.

“You’re healthy but how can you not remember torturing someone for hours? I thought Vengeance couldn’t possess you.”

Hawke shakes her head no, “He can’t but I can and have gotten lost in the bloodlust before it’s a blank on my memory though usually I do figure out what happened through dreams.” 

“Yassin.” Hawke stops in her tracks as the Qunari approaches her hands to the sides his posture one of respect and reverence.

“Karasaad.” Hawke greets when she finishes reading his vitaar.

“Are you hunting the Tal-Vashoth?”

Hawke nods “I hunt for lost souls, was told Tal-Vashoth had them.”

“They are up ahead, odd that Arishok would leave his Yassin odd that he wouldn’t take you with him.” Karasaad takes a sniff as the wind blows Hawke’s scent to him, “You still smell of him.”  
Hawke is stiff, still, debating fight or flight. “I was Sten’s mate not Arishok’s no reason for Arishok to take the mate of another.”

Karasaad tilts his head at this walks closer to her notices the slight shift in Fenris and Varric. “Yassin to Arishok would make fine sons and daughters for the Tal-Vashoth.” Hawke walks closer to him hers the sway of hips and steady stare of a woman aroused but she is not. Wind has shifted carries her scent back away from Karasaad as Karasaad hooks a hand into her waist to pull her close his head already coming down to bite Hawke stabs him in the neck hears the roars of the other Tal-Vashoth as they come over the hill.

“Dammit Hawke and here I thought we wouldn’t need bloodshed.” Varric shakes his head shoots a round of arrows into the Qunari as they come at them. When they are dead Hawke is popping locks on chests in the camps and finds the last two swords wrapped carefully pulls them out and gathers the other swords places the two wrapped swords on top. Gathered bodies are set on fire the group heading back to Kirkwall taking turns with the box of blades.

“Fenris, me being Yassin will other Tal-Vashoth come for me? Will I be hunted for what he wanted?” Fenris looks over his shoulder at Hawke shakes his head no.

“If you were Qunari yes, but if you were Qunari Arishok would have drug you back to Par-Vollen if necessary because you are human though you are safe.” Finally in Kirkwall Fenris and Hawke wrangle the box over to Taarbas set it down gently at the warrior’s feet.

Taarbas examines the swords frowns at the others in the box, “Tal-Vashoth blades?”

Hawke nods, “Only those with the symbol on them I did not bring the unworthy blades.”

Taarbas nods steps close to Hawke waits as she braces herself for him to touch her knows he causes pain and grief when he does. “Your task is done, you will keep and wear this always if you choose to fulfill your task show this when you come to Par-Vollen it will allow you into Arishok’s presence where you belong.” Taarbas hands the short sash to Hawke nods as she ties it to her belt does not hide the Qunari symbol its black with gold writing melding with the rest of her armor. “I would offer to take you with me Yassin but your tasks are not done here Panahedan Hawke.” He presses his forehead to hers wants so badly to take her with him to bring her back to Arishok where she belongs. This city he knows will rip her apart will destroy her as surely as Arishok wanted to reduce it to rubble.

“Panahedan Taarbas, I thank you for your guidance may the tides be kind, and the souls quiet.” 

Taarbas releases her watches as she walks alone back towards her home finishes packing up the blades. “I would not take her with me Elf, she isn’t ready.”

Fenris sighs, “I am selfish.”

“You struggle along with the rest of them, to know the Qun is to embrace the calm and certainty she cannot and you will not.” Fenris leaves at that. 

“Hawke.” Aveline approaches and indicates for her to follow to the office. Once inside Aveline takes a seat at the desk eyes searching wondering if she made the right choice.

“Did you find out what you needed two on my attacker?” 

“Yes, they were indeed obsessed with you had drawings of you and everything. I wish we could find out where he went. I do not like having missing guards.” 

“You got the other one right?” Hawke is curious, she hadn't hunted this time had wanted the guard to actually deal with it. 

Aveline nods looks at her again. “Did I make the right choice by not letting you go with the Qunari? If I had known you wanted to go with them I would have let you.” Hawke doesn't answer. “Dammit Hawke talk to me! I have known you far longer than anyone else. When Wesley died, you and your sister were both there for me. I would return the favor if you would just let me.” 

“I do not need your pity Aveline. Asit tal-eb. It is what it is, I am here and he is not nothing can change that.” 

“I don't pity you Hawke, your too you for pity. But I can sympathize with you, I know where you are I have been there. I promise it does get easier, I promise it does get better.” Hawke is already standing moving towards the door. 

“I thank you for apprehending the criminal Captain; I will let you know if I find your missing guard.” Hawke is out the door and Aveline throws one of her paper weights at it the rock making a nice twack. 

“Captain?” Donnic comes in to check on her. 

“I'm fine Donnic, just dealing with Hawke.” 

“How is she?” Donnic doesn't talk to Hawke unless he needs to never sure how to approach the woman who at one time he thought was pursuing him.

Aveline shakes her head no. “She's Hawke.” 

“I know she puts up with a lot of shit but having an attacker in her bedroom would rattle even the most steady warrior.” Aveline narrows her eyes at Donnic for a moment. 

“She mourns Sten.” Donnic nods in understanding.

“There are many still morning in the city.” Aveline nods at that not willing to fill Donnic in on the rest of the information dealing with the Qunari.


	57. Dribbles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter but worth it. Thank you readers for going with me on this and tolerating my mistakes.

Their relationship was a collection of small things, choices the pair had made that neither were aware of. When the fog is clear, when the burn of the alcohol renders her empty its these small encounters that fill her make her remember why he was so important.

“Basra, what do you want?” Eyes the color of sapphires regards her. It's always been her favorite gem, reminds her of the ocean and the sky and all the shades in between.

“I am here to meet with the Arishok; the dwarf has said he would meet me here.” Hawke had said and he'd let her in. It wasn't the last time he would let her into the compound either.  


It had been him that had gone to her home to request her to come with him to the Arishok. It had been him that had held her hair in his hand to capture her and given it back. It had been him she'd described as glistening in the moonlight and it had been him she'd trusted to fall asleep with. Each of those encounters had been small and each of them had tied them together. When she'd been put on the pole it had been him that had made sure she got the antidote to the poison so she would not perish.

“You have the most beautiful eyes, they are the same color as my favorite stone sapphires. I wonder what secrets your eyes hold?” She'd been delirious and in pain but the words had still been said and she still remembered the way he looked at her afterwards.

When she'd stormed back from her encounter with Arishok unable to get blades or armor it had been him that had cleaned them and taken care of them had shown her they were fine. It had been him that had handed her a blade again and bade her practice.

She'd have paid to see his face when he had seen the elf she had tortured for poisoning her. That had been a test for their relationship and he had chosen to accept it.  
Waves are crashing on the rocks behind him as he balances his form perfect as he steps through the patterns on the slim ledge. It is the fading light behind him that has her gasp the golden rays caressing his skin the sheen of sweat evident as she watches him and trying to do the same pattern.

“Good Karasaad, now step out with your right foot like so.” He demonstrates and she sees the other Karasaad do the same thing.

When Arishok had added her to his squad he'd come up with things for the unit to do that would incorporate her using her agility, speed and dexterity to test and make his men better.

“You will work with my men flawlessly Hawke, you will be an asset to them not a hindrance.” She'd been an asset to them for her entire time with them. He'd taught her things she'd never thought to learn about both herself and others.

“We are taught control, over ourselves, our world and others. If you can control it, you can make things happen. We are taught weapons, tactics, observation and persuasion. We are the eyes, ears, hands, and legs for the Qunari. Our way is peace when possible force when necessary, every life is precious no matter if it belongs to a man, woman or child.” That one had been harder for her to accept. She did not value life, only the play of her blades over skin the arc of the blood as she painted with it. Vengeance had told her she was an artist and her blades were her paintbrushes. Bodies were her canvas and blood was her paint she'd taken him literally and he'd been delighted.

He'd dared her to be more, to fight beside him always. He'd been the first man to tell her he loved her and to want her for more than a one night stand. When they'd finally consummated their relationship they'd been covered in blood, surrounded by men and the only thing she had cared about was his fingers on her his lips playing on her skin and the way his skin had yielded to her nails and her teeth as his release had rocked them both.

“He will not take you from me Kadan, we can do this.” He'd assured her in the light of day and they had. She'd never regretted her choice of Sten over Arishok, he was the one she had wanted and taken as her mate. It had been her choice and that she had been thankful to Arishok for, he could have forced her and he had not would not.

“Ataash varin kata. In the end lies glory, I love you.” Was the last thing he had said to her and she'd hated to hear those words ever since. Words should be sacred to the person who utters them last. 

Tiny threads that had tied them together, when she'd cut his thread along with Arishok's and Healer's it had been the hardest thing she could do.


	58. Mirror Images

“So I have this mirror, it’s an Eluvian.” Merrill says as Hawke sits in the chair in the living room.

“What is that?” Hawke asks and Merrill pulls her to the bedroom to show her. It's a tall mirror black with a silver surface that doesn’t seem to reflect anything.

“I don't think it works.” Hawke observes.

“No, I think I need an awl. My clan has one, would you mind asking for it?” Merrill asks and Hawke shakes her head no.

“We can go now if you like.”

“They will probably make me do some sort of task, we might want to bring more people.” Merrill says and Hawke nods.

“Want to bring Varric and Anders? Not sure Fenris would be okay getting a magic mirror to work. He's a little shaky with the magic thing.” Hawke shrugs.

“You know you never ask about us.” Merrill observes quietly.

“About you and Carver I'm never sure if I should or not. I know he still loves you, I know he misses you terribly. I know you miss him but it's your relationship and you know how I am about those.”

“I do, he misses you too. He writes, not as often as I would like but at least I know he's still alive.” Hawke smiles at that.

“Let's go get Varric and get this done shall we?” Hawke gets up from the table.

Fenris does join them and as they walk up the path Hawke walks beside them. “I did not mean to part you from Isabella. Had I known I would have tried to reason with him for her.”

“Isabella and I, she was a distraction we both needed. She was a friend not more if they manage to keep her she will face either being used according to the Qun or a very bad death.”

“If she wouldn’t have stolen the relic then Arishok wouldn’t have landed and I wouldn’t have met Sten and this wouldn’t have gone down this way. She lied for years to me and I think that is what I can’t forgive. She knew things were tense with the Qunari, she knew she had a way to help and she didn’t. On the flip side I am thankful to her because I was happy, I fought alongside someone who enjoyed it as much as I did, never once did he question if I should be fighting, never once did he ask me to put down my blade or go easy on him. I was treated as an equal.” 

“Handing Isabella over to Arishok ensured peace, you made the right decision.” Anders says Hawke nods.

“What would you have done to her if they would have left her here?” Merrill asks quietly.

Hawke smiles over her shoulder at Merrill. “I don’t know actually, some hours I want to kill her, sometimes I want to enjoy every single moment of a very long torture session, give her pain for every single happy moment I had with Sten, others I want to thank her for her meddling and buy her enough booze to make her forget her name. Enough, Merrill do you want to talk to the Keeper or do you want me to?”

“Anashatan Keeper.” Merrill says and Keeper Marathari looks at her and smiles.

“Dalin, nice to see you, what can I do for you?”

“I want the awl to fix the Eluvian.” Merrill says without preamble and Keeper flattens her ears and shakes her head no.

“I had hoped Hawke’s influence would dissuade you from this path.”

“It has not, I will do a task for the clan, and Keeper it is allowed.” Merrill stomps her foot in emphasis and Hawke smiles at that. Hawke has never admitted to the Keeper she speaks Elvin and has always spoken to them in Common.

“You are correct, there is a cave close to here that has a Varterral in it that has killed three of our hunters, and I want you to kill it. Do this and I will give you the awl.” Hawke checks in with master Illen and gets some refills of items and they are headed to the cave.

“What is a Varterral?” Anders asks as they walk.

“It is an ancient elven creature said to guard items of power. They normally are not aggressive to us so something must be agitating the thing.”

“Ok what does it look like, what are its defenses and attacks?” Fenris asks and Hawke smiles at that.

“It is giant, very tall and gray in color to match its environment. It is insect like in its composition and each of its 6 legs has blades attached that are taller than the tallest man. It has 6 eyes and it’s bite is poisonous since it like to bite its victim and then eat them whole.” Merrill says and shrugs.

“This sounds like a very interesting monster.” Hawke nods as the rest of her group is a little pale. When they get to the cave Hawke unsheathes her swords and steps in carefully. They are greeted by giant spiders and Hawke barely catches one from tackling Merrill when the elf races to a body on the ground.

“Radha? Radha are you okay?”

“Merrill, he is dead, has been for days help us and you can mourn.” Hawke finishes off one of the spiders and going to help Anders with his. Done with them Hawke approaches Merrill and puts her hand on the elf’s shoulder. “I am sorry Merrill; we need to get this task done. Bring his amulet, Keeper will want it.” Merrill nods. They find the bodies of Harshal and Chandan as well; each elf looks as if they had been killed by the spiders not the Varterral. When they are getting to the last chamber an elf comes running towards them chased by spiders.

Merrill catches the spiders in roots and Hawke and group kill them. “Pol?”

“No, stay away!” Pol is blonde and utterly terrified of Merrill as she walks to him.

“Pol calm down.”

“No stay away!” Pol turns the other way and runs into the final chamber and Hawke winces as she hears the squish of a blade going into something. When they come in Hawke gets her first look at the Varterral and takes a deep breath. This thing is gigantic, nearly as tall as the chamber and as promised each of its legs are definitely blades that look very sharp. Hawke tosses corrosive grenades and waits for the effect to dissipate enough for her to get close. Varric is shooting a huge barrage of bolts over the top of the monster while Fenris and Hawke keep it in the middle to let the mages do their work.

“Fen up!” Hawke orders and Fenris bends and grabs her foot as she launches herself off his back to give her more lift. Hawke lands on the back of it and starts stabbing the thing and it is screaming and bucking like a horse and Hawke is trying to stay on board. One of Varric’s bolts lands through Hawke’s calf pinning her to the thing and she screams in pain and frustration. Finally the beast is dead and it sinks down with her still attached.

“Hawke?” Fenris asks leaping onto the beast to figure out where she is.

“Here Fenris, need to pull this bolt out of my calf and then I should be fine.” Fenris pulls the bolt and hands it to Varric and Hawke slides off the monster landing gingerly on her leg. Anders casts heal and closes it. “Merrill?” Hawke asks walking over to the mage who is sitting on the ground crying over Pol.

“Why? Why would he run from me? He was more afraid of me than the Varterral.” 

“Take your time Merrill; I am sure we can get answers from Keeper when we get back to the camp.” Merrill nods and Hawke walks to where Varric is working on a chest and the piles of treasure everywhere. There is a collection of magical objects the thing was guarding including a necklace that has Hawke whistling with the hum of power. “Do you have any ideas Anders?” She hands it to him and he searches on the magical spectrum. 

“Avoid traps and increases healing received, better than the one Varric has. May I see yours?” Hawke nods and takes it off and hands it to him.

“That is the symbol of the Qunari; Sten had that made for you didn’t he?” Fenris observes and Hawke smiles. 

“Arishok did actually, gave it to me for my name day.”

“What does it say on the back?” Anders asks and Hawke looks away and answers quietly.

“Worthy.” 

“I am ready Hawke.” Merrill says and Anders hands Hawke’s necklace back to her and the new necklace to Varric. “I have some questions for the Keeper.” Hawke nods.

“We are with you Merrill, let’s go” 

When they get back to the camp Merrill stalks over to the keeper and hands her the amulets. “These are from our fallen hunters; I thought you would want them. You should also know Pol is dead; he was more afraid of me than the beast in those caves and ran straight into it rather than face me. Why Keeper? What have you told them?” Merrill has hot angry tears going down her face. Varric reaches up and pats her on the back and soothes her.

“I am the Keeper Dahlen; I have told them the dangers of Blood Magic, the same thing you would tell them. I will not give you the Awl, I will give it to Hawke in hopes she can talk some sense into you about not repairing that mirror.”

“You wrongly involve me in this Keeper. This is Merrill’s decision not mine.” Hawke is shaking her head but takes the Awl anyways.

“Let’s go.” Merrill says not trying to take the awl from Hawke who puts it in her pack. As they walk back to the city Hawke bumps her shoulder against Merrill’s.

“There will always be those that fear you for what you are, for things you cannot change.” Merrill smiles at that.

“She chose to become a blood mage.” Fenris says and Hawke nods.

“I chose to make a contract with Vengeance.”

“You did it to save your sister.” Anders says and Hawke looks at him.

“I have known for years why you did what you did; Justice showed me your memory of that day. You were very brave.” Anders continues.

“Wait so Blondie knows the story but I don’t? HAWKE!” Varric is indigent and Hawke smiles merrily at him.

“She summoned a demon and I made a deal with him to save her life. Not much else to tell Varric.”

“What are all your abilities with that?” Fenris asks and Hawke thinks and looks around.

They are still on the coast and it’s miles of empty sand as far as the eye can see. “I can heal if I bathe in my blood, I am faster than normal, I learn languages by dealing with the souls, my endurance is higher than normal as well.”

“What is the downside then?” Merrill asks and Hawke shakes her head.

“Blood lust, it’s a living breathing monster inside me that I have to control at all times, it’s why I can’t get drunk or take a chance on losing control. There is never enough death to satisfy me and there never will be.” Varric nods in understanding.

“Is that why you chose Fenris?” Merrill asks and Hawke looks at her in bewilderment.

“Why I chose Fenris for what?”

“Your mate of course, you two make a lovely couple. He’s not entirely faithful to you though, least that is what Isabella said. It is good you have moved on.” 

“Stop Merrill, Fenris is not my mate. He, my mate is dead Merrill. Arishok killed him I have not moved on, I need to go.” Hawke says as soon as they hit the city gates.

“Hawke and I, I am her anchor. I help her control her blood lust when I can, Hawke and I have never been mates Merrill.” Fenris shakes his head as he debates running after her.

“How is she holding up?” Isabella steps out of the shadows in front of the group.

“Isabella!” Merrill is hugging her and is very happy to see the pirate.

“Are they going to come after you again?” Anders asks crossing his arms.

“No, I left the book. I know she hates me but I need to make this better with her. I need to explain my side.” Isabella is looking at the group.

“If she tries to kill you I will not stop her.” Fenris shakes his head.

“Even after all we shared?” Isabella walks towards Fenris hips swaying and he pointedly looks away.

“I would never touch you again Isabella and we both know that.”

“That may be true, but In the meantime.” It’s all Isabella gets to say before she is knocked on her face by Hawke. It is a street fight with both women using fists, nails and teeth in Hawke’s case. “You bit me what the Maker Hawke!” Isabella manages to get loose and Fenris grabs Hawke.

“Not here Hawke, let’s go back out to the coast. You two can beat the shit out of each other and still be alive to work it out.” When Hawke would go after Isabella again Fenris scoops her up and throws her over his shoulder smacking her rump as he does it. Hawke pushes off with her arms and then reaches around grabbing his chest-piece Fenris adjusts to wrap her legs around him. Fenris slams her against a wall hand cupping her face even as one hand hangs onto her waist. “Not here Tessa.” It’s said between a moan and a plea as she rubs against him trying to be free. 

“Don’t you dare call me that.” Hawke shoves Fenris off of her and he blocks her from Isabella.

“I am fine with you killing her Hawke; I will kill her for you if you want but not here.”

“Fine.” Hawke walks past Fenris and grabs Isabella by the hair and hauls her behind by it. “Stop struggling Isi unless you want to be bald.” Hawke snaps which gets Isabella to stop struggling. When they are far enough away Hawke let’s go of Isabella. “You pick Isabella. Swords, Daggers or fists, choose wisely because I will kill you and I will absolutely revel in it.”

“If it is your wish to kill me Hawke than please do so.” Isabella takes out her daggers and Hawke draws hers,

“Crippler and Gorgon, I suggest you don't get cut.” Hawke twirls her daggers.

“Merrill, circle please 30 yards.” Isabella nods and Merrill asks the land to give her a small wall and it complies. “I was hired to do a job Hawke.” Isabella lunges at Hawke who side steps blocking her other blade with her own.

“You could have told me the job was the damn book.” Hawke accuses hooking a foot behind Isabella's and bringing her down on her ass and lunging for her. Isabella rolls and lands a kick to Hawke's stomach that staggers her a bit. Isabella doesn't follow up on it merely gives ground and circles Hawke.

“Castellion will kill me for that book Hawke. I had no way to know Arishok would attack the city.”

“I have been convincing the Arishok to not attack this city for YEARS Isabella. You have lied to me for YEARS!” Hawke sheathes her daggers and charges at Isabella tackling the woman and choking her. “Because of you he is dead; because of you they were here, because of you I am lost.”

“Who is dead Hawke? I thought you were happy the Arishok left.”

“I am, but I was supposed to go with him. I wanted to go with him, but no this damn city needs its Champion and I am here and he is dead and you are the reason.”

“Hawke no, you know the truth of that. Do not lay that blame on her.” Fenris admonishes and Hawke snarls at him.

“1 year, 8 months, and 7 days Isabella. That was how long I was happy, that was how long I loved because you and that damn book.”

“Would someone clue me in on who she is talking about? I thought she loved you Fenris. It was why we did what we did, it was to help you.”

“Stop Isabella must you spoil everything you touch?” Hawke is closing her eyes trying to stop those images.

“Hawke stop, you can't do this.” Aveline is there and stepping in the ring between the two.

“Like hell I can't Aveline, stay out of this.”

“Hawke, don't. We both know you don't want to kill her. We both know she was the reason you found happiness. She may have cost you it but without her you wouldn't have found it in the first place. If you want to kick her ass fine but use your hands and let her live.” Hawke shakes her head at Aveline's assessment.

“I can't Aveline; someone will pay for him.”

“You lost that fight Hawke, you could have killed him and you didn't if you want him so bad go and get him.” Fenris is snarling at her. Hawke snaps her teeth at him and it’s all the warning he gets as she launches at him. They are a tangle of hands and feet and Fenris manages to get his blade loose and toss it before she is on him again.

“You took her to bed, you had sex with her. Why her and not me? Why am I never good enough?”

“Dammit Hawke, stop.” Fenris has managed to get on top of her and pin her shoulders down. “Because she was easier than you, because when I touch her I don't worry if she is going to kiss me or kill me.” Fenris won't admit anything more, not now not here.

“Fine then take her, you want her Fenris she is yours. Let me go.” Hawke stops fighting Fenris is still straddling her hands pinning hers to the ground.

“Parshaara Hawke! You are the most stubborn, infuriating woman I have ever met. Do not let me be the excuse you don't kill Isabella. You want to kill her than do so and get it over with, if not than let her be and accept the fact she came back. At least she had the courage to come back and face you, not many would.” Fenris gets up and holds his hand out to her. Hawke doesn't take it, stands up instead on her own and tilts her head sighing.

“Fine, she lives. Congratulations Isabella, you live, welcome back.” Hawke throws a dagger into her arm. Isabella screams and takes the dagger out and sniffs it.

“Gorgon? Really? You are such a bitch sometimes.” Isabella throws the dagger at Hawke and she catches it.

“Tick tock Isi, it's just a little pain you can cure it and we both know it.” Hawke sheathes the blades and walks off back to the city. Hawke knows that poison will cause her hours of agony before she cures it, knows Isabella is only getting a fraction of what she lives with.


	59. Rain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NSFW

It did not rain often in Lothering, when it did the torrents often took houses and livestock away and the mud would last for weeks. When she'd moved to KirkWall Gamlen had assured her it did not rain there often and when it did it was a light drizzle. “More spit than rain really.” She'd taken him at his word and for once it had been good.

As Hawke stepped through the patterns with Sten she felt the familiar drizzle and did not falter her footing automatically accommodating the slip of foot such conditions would provide. Sten had looked up at the sky traded glances with Karasten and put his blades up. “Kadan we are done for the day.” Hawke had narrowed her eyes at him come at him and he'd smiled. 

“You wish to dance in the rain? So be it Kadan, no blades though I want my Kadan.”

She'd put her blades up stood watching Sten as the rain plastered his hair watched as the vitaar stayed where it was not running yet. He'd come at her and she'd danced out of his reach as they'd sparred the rain had stopped and Hawke had her hands caught by one of his over her head. She'd looked up at the sky and it had opened up drenching them both in moments. “Oh about time!” Using his arm as a fulcrum she'd swung over his head landing on his back her fingers at his throat to indicate her dagger. “You my love are dead again.”

He'd flung her off his hand slipping at the last minute watched as she had made it a roll still landing against the platform with a thud. She'd scrambled to feet launched herself at him to find herself caught his hands catching her waist pulling her against him as he kissed her laughed as she'd thrown her head back laughing in joy. He'd put his hand on the back of her neck nuzzled and licked at her exposed throat smiled at her answering moan as she'd tangled her fingers in his hair her legs wrapped around him her hips rolling into his. “Kadan.”

She rolled her hips again knew he would cup her ass to keep her where she was as he'd walked the distance to the tents kissing her teeth running up and down her neck his hum of approval as she'd kept her fingers laced behind his neck. They'd enjoyed each other as the rain had drummed on the roof she'd been riding him when the weight of the water on the tent roof had been too much causing it to rip and the water to drop in a dulge on them both causing a startled cry from her and a laugh from him. “I am glad you are seeing the hilarity of this Kadan.” When the entire roof had come down on top of them moments later Hawke had cursed loudly.

“I know our sex is epic but bringing down the roof is a new one even for me.” Hawke had managed to get out of the material realized the audience and wrapped it around her. “Uh Kadan, we have company.” Sten had grabbed some of the material and wrapped it around his hips. “Hey no using my cover here Sten I'd rather not be naked in front of the Viddathari.”

“Would you rather I be naked in front of them?” Hawke's answering growl had been enough.

“Tent fell; we came to make sure you were okay.” One of the elves states and Hawke nods.

“We are fine, thank you.” Hawke had waved them off looked at Sten when they had departed. “I love the rain but I don't care to be in it for the rest of the day and our clothes are wet.”

“Arishok's tent, let's go.” Sten and her have to coordinate their walk through the camp as the piece of material they are using is connected and to pull a little too hard is to reveal the other.

“Enter.” Arishok had not expected them had been able to keep his face straight barely as he regarded the pair.

“Yassin, I am not even going to ask. Follow.” Arishok takes her back to the sleeping area dries her off and hands her clothes. His is not the attention of needing her more the mate ensuring her wellbeing knows any flush of her would not be him. Still she leans back against him hers the pull of a mate of needing to touch him the contact reassuring her. He runs his hands down her arms opens the curtain sees Sten is dry and wearing a pair of his pants.

“Our tent will need to be repaired, the roof came down. There are likely others doing the same thing, Kadan get near the fire you are shivering.” Hawke does as told accepts the fur that lands on her shoulders wraps herself up rubs it against her face automatically earning a hum from Arishok.

“They will go to the mess tent it is the largest and most logical place to be. Healer will organize it.” Arishok goes back to reports nods his head at another stack. “We should work if we have the time, these reports need to be finished.”

Hands gently lift her, she snuggles automatically rubbing her face against the chest clutches at whoever tries to release her. “She thinks you are Arishok, she can't smell you when she's wrapped up in his furs.” Hawke's eyes had popped open a quick assessment has her in Arishok's tent but the arm she clutched a moment ago is not his. Hawke's fist connects with the cheek of the man reaching for and securing the knife she has stashed in Arishok's mattress as she comes to a crouch on the platform to regard who would touch her.

“Yassin?” Arishok calls.

“Arishok.” She lets her voice carry keeps her knife drawn on the two in front of her teeth bared in challenge.

“Karasaad.” Both men retreat before Arishok's fury. “You are not hurt?” Hawke shakes her head no she wants to get to him, he wants to get to her neither can move with the Karasaad there.

“She was sleeping in front of the fire, we thought she would be more comfortable in the bed that is all Arishok. We meant no offense to you or her Sten sent us to get her.”

“Lie, try again Karasaad.” Arishok is about a second from killing them both and Hawke regards both of these men.

“These are not Sten's men, who are you?” Hawke moves quickly touching the man as he answers.

“Just came, we were assigned to Karasten. We were told to find Yassin that she was in Arishok's tent.” She is already past him to stand behind Arishok her hand on his back knows he needs the contact as much as she does.

“I did not mean offense, just tried to make her more comfortable.” Arishok nods.

“Why did you say Sten was looking for her do you not know your Commander's markings?” Arishok asks is curious why the Karasaad would lie.

“He is nervous, take me to the person who requested me.” Hawke steps out from behind Arishok or would if he would let her is remanded behind him as they walk towards the Mess tent. 

She still has her dagger. Hawke makes a line on Arishok's back sees as he nods makes a line for her tent. “He is in the mess tent, why are we at your tent Yassin?”

Hawke wades into the mess of mud and canvas and sees the armor stand with her armor on it unclips the belt with her daggers and puts it on grabs her blades and sees Arishok grab Sten's. She doesn't answer merely watches the Karasaad as they close in on Arishok. “Back off Karasaad, no reason to crowd Arishok like he is your Tamassran.” That the men do immediately back off is not lost on her as they move to the Mess Tent.

“Yassin, bout time you showed up I need you to help me with healing.” Hawke stops Healer looks at the Karasaad.

“This is the man who told you to find Yassin that she was in Arishok's tent?” Karasaad nods and Hawke sighs. “Kadan.” Sten comes over. “Stand next to Healer please.” He's looking at her like she has lost her mind goes to stand by Healer. “Okay I get the resemblance, I get the confusion but Healer has red eyes Sten has blue eyes, also Sten has different horns.”

“Kadan what are you doing?”

“Teaching Karasaad the difference between you two so they don't get killed for lying to Arishok.” Hawke answers looks at both of the Karasaad. “Do you see the difference now? I get the confusion took me a few weeks to learn the difference as well especially when no one is wearing paint.” Both of the men nod. 

“You mistook me for Healer?” Sten is appalled.

“Kadan, you cannot tell me humans don't look a lot alike or that elves don't look alike and we don't have a breeding program that makes all of you tall, horned and gorgeous.” Healer chuckles at this. “So are the Karasaad safe or do you still want to kill them?” Hawke looks to Arishok sees a familiar tick in his jaw. “Ah, you want to kill me for interfering where I should not have.”

“Repeated admonishments of wrong doing are pointless. Karasaad dismissed Yassin help Healer and unless it is to speak to Healer or has anything to do with healing you are silent for the rest of the day and night. We will again go over training about letting commanding officers handle their men.”

“Technically as Yassin am I not their commanding officer?” Arishok shakes his head no.

“No Yassin you are not.” He holds up his hand, “Silence Yassin.” Hawke watches as Arishok hands Sten his blades follows Healer to deal with the injured. Most are bruises, cuts nothing serious but the number of them is daunting for Healer and his one assistant.

He'd lost two to sickness last week had fought and lost the battle for Hawke to help him with them. Arishok refusing to risk her not knowing what the sickness was or how it had spread. Hawke had figured it out when Merrill had come down sick as well it was something that had started there in the Alienage had come in with the converts and spread quickly. It had not seemed to be spreadable to humans only elves and Hawke had won the fight when she'd figured a potion for it with Anders' help had helped dose the entire compound and then the Alienage. “Another thing this city owes to you that we owe you.” Sten had said when she'd woken after being gone and up for 5 days Fenris had delivered her to him tied and unconscious.

“She lives, just needs sleep I knocked her out none to gently so careful when you wake her.” Sten had taken her from Fenris delivered her to the Healer's tent.

“If she is alive and merely unconscious take her to your tent or Arishok's I do not want her ripping the place apart.” Healer had shaken his head no.

“Take her to my tent, I will work there for the day and keep an eye on her.” Arishok had said releasing the bonds on her wrists and ankles had growled at the marks on both from the rope. Sten had placed her in the tent and left knowing Arishok would watch her.

She'd come up carefully snuggled back into the furs on Arishok's bed. “Rest Yassin, you have earned it.” He'd come to her then accepted the invitation when she'd opened the furs to him laid down stroking as she had wrapped around him fell back asleep with him humming.

When she'd woken back up Sten had been there had helped her to the table placed water in her hand. “Too much Kadan, you worked too hard and have been asleep for two days. Drink, eat, rest again if you need it.” Hawke had eaten, drank and crawled back into bed woke to Arishok.

Food consumed, drink done Hawke looks for something to do. “Come back to bed Yassin, it is the middle of the night.”

“I am not tired.”

“I was not suggesting sleep.” She'd smiled at that came back to the bed. Hawke shakes her head as the dream fades looks around the room she is in, it’s hers and she is screaming again. He is dead and she is not this is not how it was supposed to be.


	60. Waves

Varric knew she came out here on occasion to get away from it all. She would stand and watch the waves throw themselves at the rocks and on more than one occasion he’d had to remind her she wasn’t a wave. Thankfully Hawke didn’t know how to swim another thing he had to remind her of as she stood more than ready to cast herself into the ocean. Of her friends only Varric knew this kind of pain the kind that crushed your soul and made you doubt everything. Yes Aveline had lost her husband but the Captain knew nothing of Sten had never seen the way Hawke’s features had softened, the bounce in her step the way her entire body became soft and open when he was near her. They’d been careful outside the compound, to look at the pair you would merely think she was another soldier that had been the biggest surprise when he had barked out an order to her and she’d accepted it without so much as a sneer.

When she’d invited him to dinner with her at the compound to discuss the Guild Merchant’s meeting the next day he’d seen something else entirely. Inside the four walls of their home she was Kadan. Sten’s entrance had caused Hawke to excuse herself as she stripped his armor greeted him as her lover teased him about being too hard on the men. Hawke who never teased, who didn’t touch without a motive it had been a baring of soul he’d never thought possible. He and Sten had traded stories and laughed well into the night. He’d been curious about the man that had managed to capture and keep the prickly and often temperamental leader he followed on a regular basis. It had taken him a few more dinners and interactions but he’d figured it out. Sten embraced the moment, dealt with Hawke on the terms she gave him for the interaction, he did not chase her he did not push her he merely waited for her to come to him she was a wave, ever changing ever seeking and he was the rock more than capable of standing up to her more than willing to just hold her. When she had survived his death it had been a test no one should have to be submitted to.

Now as he made his way to the cliff he wondered what had driven her out here this time, last time it had been the glint of Sten’s dagger as she had placed it in the strongbox. Arishok had taken his blades, his souls with him even Varric knew she would never have accepted them. But the dagger that matched the one she wore, still wore that one had pushed her over the edge for a few days. He’d also learned to never touch her when she was crying courtesy of that incident. Her ability to siphon emotions made touching a last resort controlling your own emotions is difficult try it while getting bombarded by someone else’s.

Lost in his thought as it were he walked right into the bandits though recovered enough to get a few shots off. Just when he thought it was going to get really bad he saw the glint of steel, the flash of a braid and smiled. When they lay dead at their feet Hawke cocked her head at him. “Why are you out here by yourself?” Turning from him she starts to loot the bandits rifling through pockets and cutting purses.

“I could ask you the same thing.” Varric countered arches an eyebrow at the look she gives him. “Did he ever call you Tessa?” Varric curses himself a fool for the sentence as soon as he sees the rounded shoulders the almost physical blow she considers it.

“No. I was Hawke to all of them when I first met them. It wasn’t until one of the Karasaad came to get me and I was with my mother they even knew my name was Tessa. That was an awkward conversation to say the least.”

“Why would that have been awkward to know your name?” Varric is slightly amused at this.

“No, that was met with a shrug the fact my mother berated me in front of the Karasaad that a human female with no weaponry had managed to make the mighty Karasaad Hawke walk around without her souls and in a dress. Never did live that one down, teased me about it months later. Sten liked the shoes though.”

“Those were nice shoes Hawke, when you do show off your legs they are a marvel to look at.” Varric admitted expecting a knife that didn’t come he looks back at Hawke.

“Does it ever stop hurting?” She finally asks headed back to the city.

“No, you just learn to deal with it you’ll have years of okay and then a scent, a piece of fabric or a sound will set you off again but it does get easier.” Hawke pats him on the shoulder draws him into a hug for a moment two lost boats in a sea of grief.

“Would you go through it again?” Varric asks feels Hawke take a deep breath move away from him.

“Yes for all the pain nothing can compare to the happiness. How about you?” Varric doesn’t answer for a bit and Hawke doesn’t push.

“Depends on the day and since I know I could change it.” Varric shakes his head looks up at Hawke. “We are opposite sides of the same coin in this Hawke. I chose to let her go and I wouldn’t change it you weren’t given that choice never stood a chance.”

“When I lost to Arishok that was hard. I wish I hadn't challenged him.” 

“Would you have gone with them?” This is the one question she’s never answered.

“If Sten was alive yes, my place was at his side I’d give it all up for one more day with him that used to scare me to admit. Aveline made the choice she thought was right. Many will say I knew about the attack but I did not. I left his arms that morning thinking I would return to them that night I had no idea Arishiok was that close to the edge. If I had known I would have figured out something, anything other than the tactic he chose. But asit tal-eb, it is what it is.”


	61. Mirror Take 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Song is "the words" by Christina Perri

“So the Awl didn't work?” Hawke asks looking at the mirror and Merrill shakes her head no.

“I think I need to go back to the demon that helped me the first time.”

“We can do that, when do you want to go?”

“Tomorrow is fine Hawke; I know you have some other stuff going on.” Hawke nods and leaves. It’s been two weeks since Isabella has been back and Hawke has pointedly avoided her and Fenris.

They are hiking back up Sundermont, Hawke, Merrill, Varric and Aveline. Anders had wanted to come but one of his patients went into labor and Hawke wasn’t about to wait for that. “Still upset with Broody and Isabella?” Varric asks Hawke as they walk and Hawke is quiet so long Varric doesn’t think she is going to answer.

“Every time I see Isabella all I can think of is her lying to me. Fenris, I am unsure how to deal with him. I understand we both moved on but.”

“You haven’t. He has been your constant for years, he’s seen you at your best and worst and the same can be said of you. Neither of you are willing to let the other go but neither of you are willing to meet the other in the middle. You will not cease to exist if he is with you, you haven’t yet.” Varric says smiling as she helps him across a rocky patch.

“I have lost too much, too many, I don’t think I could survive if he left me again.” Hawke shakes her head and scans the horizon again.

“I don’t think he’d live past trying what he did a second time Hawke.” Hawke laugh at that. One she starts she can’t stop and Aveline smiles at that, Hawke’s laughter is musical and light. When she settles down she kisses Varric on the forehead.

“For a man utterly terrified of commitment you have been a constant too.” Hawke accuses Varric.

“You my lady are good for both sides of my business.” Varric nods and winks at Hawke.

“Coin and bullshit? I imagine so.” Aveline says smiling at the pair of them.

“You could have brought Donnic with us Aveline; I know you two don’t get much time together.” Hawke says and Aveline shakes her head.

“He, Anders and Fenris are having a guy day and I didn’t want to get in the way of male bonding.”

“I’d think they were going to go fight something except the addition of Anders in there.” Varric shakes his head.

“Were you invited?” Hawke asks and Varric nods. There are undead, shadow warriors, and giant spiders along the path. Hawke is surprised by a group of wolves as well and frowns as she deals with them. When they get to the very top of Sundermont they are greeted by nothing. Hawke is hyper aware now and Merrill is shaking her head in wonder.

“Something is wrong, the wards are broken, and I haven’t been able to talk to him in a few weeks and now this. Hawke, I need you to promise to kill me if he takes over me.”

“Do not ask this of me Merrill; how I would explain to Carver I killed his wife. You do not know what you ask Merrill.” Hawke is shaking her head no, backs away.

“If you will not than I will.” Fenris says walking out from one of the rocks.

“How did you know?” Hawke asks sheathing her daggers.

“Varric told me you were headed up the mountain, figured it had something to do with that damn mirror.”

“Fenris, I am doing this, I will put that mirror back together.” Merrill is clenching her fists sheathing them in stone and Fenris smiles slightly at the threat.

“I know, I think you’re a damn fool for doing this but it is your life.” Fenris walks towards his hand out and she takes it their palms meeting as they link fingers. It is a sign of friendship and Hawke smiles at that, Fenris has been tormented most of his life by blood mages and now he willingly clasps hands with one.

“Why would they think putting a demon on top of a mountain would be a good idea?” Varric asks shaking his head.

“Where else would you put one?” Fenris asks.

“Tevinter, Anderfals any place further from Kirkwall.” Varric shakes his head and strokes the crossbow.

“When they did seal him here Kirkwall wasn’t even a thought.” Fenris comments hopping over a rock and helping Hawke over it. When they reach the cave with the artifact it is empty and Merrill shakes her head.

“No, how would he get free?” Merrill shakes her head.

“What was the spirit doing here?” Aveline asks.

“There was a war long ago between my people and the Tevinter Imperium. After the magisters sunk Arlathan, my people made a last stand here, fighting on the graves of our elders. I don’t know if it was the Elvhenan or Tevinter who bound the spirit but he was left here form the war.” Merrill says looking at the group. 

“Maybe it escaped?” Hawke asks and Merrill shakes her head no.

“It would have taken powerful magic to break him free of his prison. You couldn’t just set him loose, nobody could. Not without doing something terrible. Something is very wrong.” Merrill is searching the cave. Under their feet is a stone floor with various runes and designs on it and the Idol the demon occupied is in the shape of a horned beast, it looks fearsome. There are graves to the left and right of the idol as if the dead are witness to this evil they contain.

“If he has escaped we need to track him down.” Hawke walks to the middle of the stone floor and sits down.

“Hawke no, it’s too dangerous.” Aveline is to her and pulling at her.

“What is?” Fenris asks as Hawke waves Aveline off.

“She can read the dead; I don’t think this would be a good group to do that with.” Varric says and Fenris frowns at her.

“What do you mean read the dead?” Fenris asks and Varric shrugs.

“She can sit in the middle of a room and tell you about the souls that have been through there.”

“Only the violent ones and my family, I don’t get the peaceful ones since they are happy in their deaths.” Hawke has legs crossed hands resting on her knees relaxed

“Stop, I am the one you are looking for.” Keeper walks in and Hawke is surprised as she stands back up.

“Keeper what have you done?” Merrill asks walking up to the Keeper.

“The demon’s plan was always for you to complete the mirror and use that as a doorway into this world. You would have been his first victim, I couldn’t let that happen.”

“You stopped it, you saved Merrill.” Hawke asks still wary. Keeper walks away from them and turns her back to them.

“Not yet, the demon is still in here. I couldn’t fight it in the fade while it was trapped and I couldn’t banish it without making it stronger. So I made myself its prison. Kill me and it dies too, you would be safe Merrill.”

“No! You can’t ask that I, I won’t do it.”

“You always knew your blood magic had a price, I have chosen to pay it for you.” Keeper walks to Merrill and cups her check and then steps back slightly glowing.

“Dareth Shira.” Keeper says and in her place a giant pride demon appears. Hawke and Fenris have their blades out and Hawke yanks Merrill out of range as Aveline takes the blow on her shield and grist her teeth at the impact. As they battle ghosts appear,

“Radha!” Merrill calls and the ghost yells back at her, “Traitor! May the dread wolf hunt you for the rest of your days!”

Herschal appears next, “I was trying to rebuild my life! Why did you have to come back and destroy it!”

But it is Pol’s words that sting the most, “Turn back Dalen, everything you touch turns to ash!” At one point the demon is grabbing for Fenris and Hawke shoves him out of the way and gets grabbed and thrown like a doll. Her back meets the wall with an audible crack and Fenris is to her instantly.

“I’m fine, get that thing down!” Hawke waves him off and coughs blood up and takes shallow breaths. When it is over Keeper falls to her knees and Merrill is to her immediately.

“You have defeated it; you are so much stronger than I thought.”

“Keeper you’re all right!” Merrill is happy but Hawke is not fooled.

“Come let’s leave this place, the clan will want to know.” Hawke has managed to get to her feet and walks over to the group. Merrill cast heal on Hawke and Hawke smiles knowing it is not much but it will be enough to get her where she needs to go.

“You told us the demon was bound to you that for the demon to die you had to as well.” Hawke comments dagger out while the other one holds her ribs in place. Keeper stands and backs away from them.

“Merrill I will do this for you if you ask.” Fenris offers and Merrill shakes her head no,

“I must do this.” Merrill takes out her dagger and kills the Keeper. Lights explode from the body as the Demon inside leaves.

“Keeper!” Merrill sheathes her knife and is on her knees in front of the Keeper. “What have you done? I don’t want this, I never wanted this! Creators please let this be a bad dream! I’ll wake up and feel like an idiot, and she’ll scold me for not listening! If there was a price to pay then it should have been me to pay it.” Merrill is crying and Hawke wants to go to her but stays still. “If she hadn’t been so stubborn if she had just listened to me, she never believed in me.” Hawke drops beside Merrill and pulls the elf into her arms.

“Face this death Merrill you need to own this one. This one is all on you. She loved you and she sacrificed herself for you. She did not want you to perish and neither do I.” 

“You don’t want me to continue with the mirror do you?” Merrill asks quietly.

“That is your choice Merrill, you need to figure out what you are willing to sacrifice and who you are willing to sacrifice for it, when you have made that decision than I will help you or stand in your way as you choose.” Hawke kisses her forehead standing up and wincing.

“How bad are the ribs?” Fenris asks and Hawke shakes her head.

“I’ve had worse.” Hawke winces and Fenris spins her around and pulls at her back armor until it’s exposed.

“Stop I said I was fine.” Hawke spits out as Fenris probes with his fingers.

“Parshaara they are broken at least two of them. Stubborn woman if you would have just stayed out of the way.” 

“What language is that?” Aveline asks and Varric supplies

“Qunari. When they really go at it she starts out in Common and then jumps to Elvin and then lands somewhere in the fancy language. Ah here we go; I think that one is son of a goat and a chicken.” Hawke glares at Varric as he tries to translate what she is saying to Fenris as they fight about the fact he was more than capable of getting out of the way and how dumb she was to save Merrill.

“Peace!” Fenris says in Qunari and it’s a bucket of cold water for the word to come out of his mouth.

“I should go to the clan. Someone needs to come and take care of her.” Merrill finally says and Hawke nods happy to have a distraction from Fenris. As they walk out of the cave the clan is there.

“Is the Keeper with you?” Endris asks and Merrill shakes her head no. “Keeper are you in there?” Endris yells and Merrill shakes her head and holds out her hand as she approaches Endril.

“Keeper is dead Endris.”

“You killed her!” A female accuses and Merrill nods her head. Hawke already has blades in her hands is more than willing to challenge this clan to a fight, she needs the souls.

“The Keeper was possessed.” Varric says and the clan takes a collective breath.

“This is all you’re doing Merrill, you will pay for this.” Female growls and Hawke sheathes her blades.

“It was the Keeper’s choice to become possessed. I take full responsibility for Merrill’s actions Endris.” Hawke moves and Endris eyes her.

“Fine, take her.” Hawke nods and they start the trek down the mountain in silence. As they walk Hawke hides her coughing and wheezing as much as possible. When they get to the city Hawke bows out of going to Hanged Man and heads to the estate when Fenris grabs her arm and pulls her to Dark Town.

“You are going to see Anders.” Hawke debates fighting and gives in; it will take too much energy.

“Fenris? Hawke?” Anders looks at Hawke and makes a twirl motion. “Take it off Hawke; your lungs sound horrible I need to see what I am working with.” Hawke starts undoing the straps of her armor and lays the chest-piece on the bed and then pulls her tunic off the air chilly on her bare breasts. Her fingers automatically go to trace the bite mark on her shoulder and she frowns as she knows it is fading. “This was the injury that put you at the mercy of Arishok isn’t it?” Anders says tracing the spear scar.

“I forgot you haven’t seen it.” Hawke admits looking at Anders.

“These bite marks?” Anders traces one and Hawke slaps his hand away at the same time Fenris grabs for his wrist.

“Don’t.” Fenris says and Hawke frowns. “It marks her as mated; its poor manners to touch bite marks.”

“As an unmated male my mate would be able to challenge you for laying hands on me.” Hawke closes her eyes against the memory.

“I saw you train with the other Qunari Hawke. How did Sten stand it?” Fenris asks and Hawke smiles.

“Outside our tent I was Karasaad, inside I was Kadan, actually had to make the rule because I almost killed an elven convert for touching him.” Hawke snaps her teeth as she says it.

“Definitely broke three ribs, cracked another on the other side. I can heal them if you like or you can wrap them and heal them later.”

“Heal her.” Fenris demands and Hawke grits her teeth at his tone. Anders does and Hawke breaths deeply and grits her teeth.

“You are still going to be sore.” Anders says and hands her the shirt. Hawke gets dressed and Anders finishes up at the clinic. “Shall we go do something fun?” Anders asks and Fenris nods.

“I have other commitments or I would join you.” Hawke begs off and slips out.

Fenris, Anders, Varric, Donnic and Isabella are at the Hanged man playing cards and telling stories when Fenris lays his cards down and smiles as he grabs the loot in the middle. “I need to leave, have an early morning at the clinic.” Anders leaves and the table empties except for Fenris and Varric.

“You are giving thoughts to giving it a go with Hawke again?” Varric asks and Fenris looks at Varric and shakes his head no.

“She’s not ready.”

Varric smiles at that and stands up “Come with me Broody. Shall I show you what our lovely leader does during the evenings?” Varric and Fenris leave the Hanged Man and head down into the dark of DarkTown. Here there is a seedy underbelly that has Fenris keeping a close hand on his coin, when they stop at a warehouse Varric smiles as he opens the door and walks in Fenris sneezes with the amount of dank and horrible scents that hit his nose.

“Hawke would never step into here.” Fenris shakes his head as the Dwarf points to the middle of the warehouse and sees a caged area. Inside is Hawke, her hood pulled up and her body hidden by an outfit that has Fenris’ pulse speeding up. It’s black leather that hugs every curve of that body and she slides and steps around her opponent with a feline grace that has Fenris aching to touch her. “Hawke is always ready for a fight, how does this prove she is ready for a relationship?”

“Just wait.” Varric finds a table that is close to the raised platform in the corner. When Hawke finishes her opponent she jumps out of the cage and heads to the stage. Soon the patrons are calling out songs and she raises a hand to silence them. Silence falls over the group and Hawke starts out with a melody about love, then there is a song about lost love, it’s her third song that as Fenris paying attention though. It is a song about a woman who loved and lost only to find love again. Fenris' breath is gone as the words pour over him. It’s the poetry he had told her all those years ago when she had landed on his doorstep. It’s the clashing of them as he left her broken and how she got back up and tried again.  
"The Words"  
All of the lights land on you  
The rest of the world fades from view  
And all of the love I see  
Please please say you feel it too  
And all of the noise I hear inside  
Restless and loud, unspoken and wild  
And all that you need to say  
To make it all go away  
Is that you feel the same way too

And I know  
The scariest part is letting go  
'Cause love is a ghost you can’t control  
I promise you the truth can’t hurt us now  
So let the words slip out of your mouth

And all of the steps that led me to you  
And all of the hell I had to walk through  
But I wouldn’t trade a day for the chance to say  
My love, I’m in love with you

And I know  
The scariest part is letting go  
'Cause love is a ghost you can’t control  
I promise you the truth can’t hurt us now  
So let the words slip out of your mouth

I know that we’re both afraid  
We both made the same mistakes  
An open heart is an open wound to you  
And in the wind of a heavy choice  
Love has a quiet voice  
Still your mind, now I’m yours to choose

And I know  
The scariest part is letting go  
Let my love be the light that guides you home

And I know  
The scariest part is letting go  
'Cause love is a ghost you can’t control  
I promise you the truth can’t hurt us now  
So let the words slip out of your mouth

When she is done she breaks into a bawdy tavern song that has them all singing along and Fenris gets up to leave. “Still think she isn’t ready?” Varric asks. Fenris doesn’t answer as he leaves.


	62. Zevran

Hawke smiles at the oily man in front of her, he is spinning lies but she is intrigued. He is from Antiva; maybe this one will lead her to someone who can help her. When the man is done telling her about the man who supposedly killed his sister she nods and leaves. “He was lying.” Fenris says and Hawke nods.

“You’re still going to ask the Dalish aren’t you?” Varric asks and Hawke nods again.

“Copper for your thoughts?” Anders asks and Hawke flashes a smile at the man.

“Don’t you have patients to see?” Hawke counters and Anders nods walks off.

“I will take Merrill with me; she might like to see her family again.” Hawke detours to the alienage. 

“Hawke?” What can I do for you?” Merrill opens the door and Hawke ducks inside Fenris, Varric with her. 

“Want to come visit the Dalish with us? There is a man with them that I need to talk to.” 

“Sure.” Merrill grabs her staff and they head out.

“Hawke!” Aveline catches up to them. “Anders, is he with you?”

“No, what’s up Aveline?” Hawke asks walking away from the others knowing Fenris will hear them still.

“I am getting more reports about him from the Knight Commander; she has put out a bulletin about him.”

Hawke nods, “I’ll get him somewhere safe. Thank you Aveline.” Hawke walks back over to her group and can hear Fenris’ questions and accusations. He waits until they are going through an alley though when he voices them.

“You could just turn him over to the Templars.” Fenris finally says and Hawke sighs.

“I could turn you over to the Tevinter slavers too. I won’t, I would never do that to you, you don’t want to be a slave and neither does he.” Hawke's posture is relaxed.

“He would be safe, protected.” Fenris walks closer to her.

“Beaten, potentially made tranquil, the same things that happened to you as a slave can and probably will happen to Anders if he goes to the circle.” Hawke reasons.

Fenris grabs her arm and spins her to him she is against his chest, the rest of the group turning the corner as he moves his head close to her ear, “Do not compare us Hawke, we are not the same.”

“No but in the fact neither of you want to be chained you are. “ Hawke looks up into his eyes as she says this. 

“He is more dangerous than you realize.” Fenris is bracing a hand on one side of her head as she leans against the wall and he cups her face with the other one. Hawke turns her lips to the palm of the hand that cups her face and nips it lightly causing a flicker of a smile on his face.

“So are you.” She admits and ducks under his arm and walks to join the group smiling slightly when she sees Isabella has joined them. They've moved towards an agreeable association. 

When they reach the Dalish camp Hawke approaches the merchant of the group Illen “I would beg a favor of you Master Illen. I hear you can do wondrous things with iron bark, is there any way I can get you to make a handle for one of my daggers?” 

“Yes though I do not have any iron bark, if you can get the bark I will make you a handle.” Hawke bows low to the master and goes to join Merrill as she and the new Keeper are escalating from a calm discussion into fighting.

“Merrill, we need to talk to Helena, any idea where she might be?”

“Here, are you here for Zevran?” A pretty elf walks up to them. 

“Wait we are here for Zevran?” Isabella is surprised and Hawke nods. “Not possible.” Isabella says shaking her head.

“He said if you came looking for him to find him in the caves.” Helena points up the mountain to the caves.

“He wants to be found? Are you sure he’s an assassin?” Varric asks.

“Zevran Ariani is an Antivan Crow; he killed my husband, traveled with the Chained mage.” Isabella says as they are walking to the caves.

“I truly just want to talk to him Isabella, I have no wish to do him harm.” Isabella nods and they enter the caves. These caves are guarded by a Ritooki, which looks like a giant stick with long front legs that end in claws and four other legs each that have a barb that has poison in it.

“Oh this is awesome!” Hawke is in glee when she sees the Ritooki.

“Why is this source of glee?” Fenris asks taking off his blade and eyeing the giant monster.

“Poison on those barbs is very handy to incapacitate people without killing them. It also costs a fortune. I’ve been out for ages.”

Varric laughs at this. “20 foot tall monster and she is practically jumping for joy as it tries to kill her. You are strange Hawke.” Hawke winks and they manage to kill the giant bug.

“Now you are worth taking an interest in.” An elf walks out of the shadows. He is Tawny colored from head to toe with pale blonde hair pulled half way back. Hawke studies him as he comes closer. Her nostrils flare at the sheer sexual magnetism of this man; he is not pure elf but maybe half.

“I am Zevran Ariani, you are?”

“Dead, you are supposed to be dead!” Isabella is walking towards Zevran and hugging him.

“Easy Rivani, I thought he killed your husband.” Varric is surprised at the greeting.

“I did, therefore freeing her to take a ship and be the Queen of the Eastern sees and the deadliest blade on them too.” Zevran answers kissing Isabella on the cheek.

“I am Hawke; this is Merrill, Fenris and Varric. I was sent by a man who would like you dead for killing his sister.” Hawke looks away from Zevran. He looks good enough to eat and Hawke would really like to lick and nibble and find out if the tattoo she sees peeking out of his neck armor goes the rest of the way down. 

“Ah, he did not tell you he was a Crow and would like me killed because I dared to leave the order, killed the master and anyone they have sent after me?” Zevran winks and smiles It’s all Hawke can do not to trace the smile with her fingers she actually clenches her fists.

“I have no intention of turning you over to him.” Hawke's voice is husky, low, and needy.

“Really? I can put up a good fight and you can bind me with a little wrestling.” Zevran eyes are sparkling at Hawke. Fenris can smell her arousal, knows Zevran can as well. Zevran is a lethal predator and Hawke is very attracted.

“I need information if you have it.” Zevran smiles at that and walks closer to Hawke.

“Ask me whatever you want Hawke, I am yours to command.” Zevran purrs out the words is close enough to reach out and touch her, doesn't though knows it would be a mistake.

“Lictus root, I’d never thought to use it that way but it works.” Hawke finally identifying why she is acting like a bitch in heat around the elf and takes out a small bottle and pours some on her hand and sniffs it sighing as her head clears.

“It is a fantastic distraction in the right company.” Zevran admits with a wink is impressed she would know it and carry an antidote to it.

“Care to walk with me for a moment?” Hawke asks and Zevran smiles. “Isabella, get some of the barbs? I won’t be long.” Hawke hands the pirate a satchel and gloves.

“Hawke.” Fenris calls and she smiles.

“Promise I will be right back, he has information I need, information you don’t need.” Fenris cups her face and pulls her to him. She allows it which surprises him.

“Be careful.” Fenris keeps a hand on her waist and she keeps her hands on her sides never touching him.

“I will always return to you, never forget that.” Hawke whispers and then steps away to follow Zevran.

“Broody?” Varric says and Fenris shakes his head no.

“I think our broody elf still has feelings for our fearless leader.” Isabella admits and Fenris growls at her. “I get the attraction broody, I've had you.” Fenris glares at her as Varric barks a laugh at that.

“A friend told me about Antiva Crows being able to become Reapers and learning to control it.” Hawke says without any preamble.

“Some do, I am not one though I would love to teach you many other things.” Zevran reaches out to cup her face and Hawke steps back to avoid it and lands against the wall. Zevran follows her placing a hand on her face and Hawke ducks under his arm but he catches her mouth covers hers in a moment arms wrap around her catching her moan in his mouth as hands roam over her. “A momentary diversion only Champion, let me help you.” It is the wrong thing to say to her as she steps away turns away from him. “Braska but I misread you, apologies.” 

“No, a diversion would work and is needed but you are not the one I want for it.” He smiles at that stays close.

“I am far less complicated cara.” He strokes her face and she shakes her head no. “That is the only thing you wanted to know?” Zevran asks quickly catching up to her.

“Yes, you do not have the information I need there is no other reason for me to speak with you.” Hawke is dismissive and Fenris twitches his lips in a small smile.

“What are you going to tell the crows?” Zevran asks.

“That I didn't think you were worth killing. I do not like being lied to.” Hawke's not facing him.

“They will try to kill you for that.” Zevran says quietly.

“Then they will die.” Hawke is walking out with the rest of the group.

When they get to the Antivan camp they are surrounded and Hawke smiles. “You lied to me; I will not kill this man for you.” And the man shakes his head at her.

“You spoke to him then, no matter we can get rid of your bodies easily enough.”

“You are a coward to not face me yourself.” Zevran is there and Hawke ignores the pool of heat low in her gut and takes her blades out.

“You are not worth my attention and you know it Renegade.” Zevran sinks a dagger into the man trying to sneak up behind them and all hell breaks loose. When it is over Zevran approaches Hawke.

“I thank you again Hawke, Isabella it is always good to see you.” Zevran bows.

“Wait no sex?” Isabella squeaks and Hawke snorts at that.

“It is a tempting offer my beautiful pirate but I am not free.” Zevran admits with a sad smile. 

“Champion, l'amore vale la lotta.” She nods with a small smile. 

“Up for a tumble Varric?” Rivani says turning to the dwarf.

“No but I will happily buy you enough drinks to make you think we did.” Varric offers as she wraps an arm around his shoulders and he wraps an arm around her waist and walks off. Merrill follows them asking about tumbling and Hawke hears the laughter of them. Fenris has not moved and she looks at him.

“What did he say?” Fenris asks and Hawke shakes her head no. “Did you mean what you said?” Fenris asks quietly. She smiles and walks up to him.

“Yes.” She doesn't elaborate and starts walking back up the beach to the city. 

“He said love is worth the fight.” Varric informs Fenris later as they sit for drinks. 

“Who said that?” Fenris is distracted.

“Zevran, he told her that when we were leaving.” Varric watches Hawke come towards the table smiles as Fenris moves off. Maybe they'll finally get somewhere, maybe.


	63. Mother

Gamlen greets Hawke curtly when she walks in and Hawke frowns. “Have you seen your mother? She missed her weekly visit with me.” Hawke shakes her head no though spies a vase of white lilies on the mantle and nearly drops to her knees in shock. It’s been over a year since she looked into the white lily case unable to find the man and the fact Alessa was never taken.

“When were these delivered?” Hawke asks Bodhan and he shifts on his feet.

“They were delivered last night, she has been seeing someone.”

“I will tell Aveline about mother and see if she can find her.” Hawke closes her eyes to the possibility she would lose her mother.

“I am going to see if anyone saw her.” Gamlen is out the door with her as Hawke heads to Fenris’ mansion he answers her yell and grabs his blade following her to the Hanged man.

“Aveline, I need you.” Hawke doesn’t even preamble or answer the greetings she receives and Aveline pulls Donnic up with her.

“Mother is missing; she had white lilies delivered to her last night.”

Aveline nods and bites her cheek in agitation, “I’ll send the patrols out for her now. I’ll let you know if I find anything.”

Hawke glances at Varric, Anders, Fenris and Merrill. “Let’s go lass, see if we can’t find her or at least talk to Gaspard.” Varric is up and they head to DarkTown.

“Gaspard, he has my mother I need to find her.” Hawke is furious and Gaspard nods, “He took Alessa a couple of nights ago interesting he would hunt so soon again. I still have her blood and I might be able to track her.” Hawke doesn’t even flinch when she nods her assent to get it done not even Fenris growls at this.

When they arrive at the foundry Hawke feels her stomach drop, there is blood everywhere its metallic tang filling her nostrils and calling to her. Moving through Hawke sees her mother’s locket and picks it up. As she does her eyes fall on a table and a body there, Hawke is to the body in a moment knowing who it is. “Alessa.” Gaspard says and Hawke nods moving through the rest of the foundry and Fenris pulls the trap door up to the next floor.

“He was very much into reanimation it seems.” Anders adds looking at the collection of books.

“This looks like a shrine, she looks like your mother.” Merrill notices and Hawke is struck dumb by the painting it does look just like her mother except the eyes which Alessa’s body had been missing. When they find the killer he is by the fire, having a conversation with someone in the chair in front of the fire.

“Quentin? It’s been you all along?” Gaspard asks walking forward a bit.

“Yes, I have completed her as well, finally my wife is finished.” Quentin boasts. He is handsome in a way, white hair streaks his black and Hawke knows he is a mage.

“You promised to show me, to teach me.” Gaspard is furious and Hawke looks at the man incredulously.

“I will happily show you Gaspard, behold my triumph.” Quentin helps the person up from the chair and Hawke hears the audible gasp as the woman walks out. She is in a wedding dress but it’s not Hawke’s mother, well not all of her. Leandra’s head is attached to a body that isn’t hers.

“You sick son of a bitch.” Hawke is attacking him even as Anders places the body back into the chair and then helps with the fight. Hawke is fighting demons and shades along with the rest of her group when he summons the souls. These souls are not happy as they are forced out and Hawke tries to corral them without them being attacked or devoured by the demons and shades in the room it is painful as they crash into her. Hawke is panting when she realizes there are no more things coming at her and she sees Fenris standing with the heart of Quentin in his hand and she nods and then joins Anders with her mother.

“Tessa, my beautiful Tessa.” It’s her mother’s voice and Hawke is crying she cannot lose her mother too. Not her mother too, she will be alone and she doesn’t want to be alone.

“Anders please.” Hawke is looking at the mage and he shakes his head no and a fresh round of sobs comes.

“What do you want to do with Gaspard?” Fenris asks and Hawke looks at the man and then at Fenris.

“This was not my fault, I had no idea it was Quentin.” Gaspard is backing away from Fenris and he is stalking him.

“Not true, besides you wanted to be taught as well and I’d never let that happen. Fenris, kill him.” Fenris takes the heart of the man and crushes it dropping it on the body as it falls. Hawke has a fresh round of sobs to contend with and Anders places a hand on her back not sure how to help but knowing someone who can.

“Justice can take the soul if you want.” Anders offers and Hawke shakes her head no. 

“I will do this, I will do this alone.” They leave though Varric stays close. Hawke speaks to her mother, encouraging the soul to not linger in this broken body. Wanting this soul to find peace and as Hawke sits on the floor her back to him her entire body curled in on itself she sings. It is haunting and old and her voice is ragged with emotion. It is more than Varric can stand and he leaves knowing he will need to inform Aveline so she can call off her guards. Hawke makes it back to the estate without the body and sits in the library sipping on water.

Gamlen comes down the stairs and looks at her. “You found her? Is she okay?”

Hawke shakes her head no. “She is dead, I was too late.”

“If you had been stronger, smarter, faster you could have found her.” Gamlen rages at her, knows she does not deserve his wrath. But Hawke has never been good enough, she never will be.

“I’m sorry Uncle, I truly am. Know that the person that killed her is dead, he will never do this again.”

“That is something at least. I will have to tell Carver.” Gamlen leaves and Hawke switches to whiskey she needs the fire, the burn; she needs something to take the edge off. She goes up to the bedroom and pulls her lute to her and plays.

She is lost in the music when she sees Fenris leaning on the door frame. “I don’t even know what to say, for what it’s worth I am here.” That she would mourn her mother is a surprise then again Leandra had been her mother. 

“This is my fault, if I was stronger, I should have guarded her better. I will have to tell Carver, I can’t I can’t.” Hawke is lost, angry and just alone. 

“You are looking for forgiveness I cannot give you Hawke. I wouldn’t even know where to start.” Fenris sits next to her on the bed. 

“I have lost them all, lost them all and I have no idea how to move.” She is looking at him but not touching him, never touching him. 

“One day at a time Hawke, just take it one day at a time.” Anders leans against the door and then walks towards her. 

“Does that work?” Hawke asks looking up at Anders and then getting up and pacing to the fireplace. “Fenris, thank you. I mean it, you didn’t have to come and I know that.” Fenris takes it for the dismissal it is and leaves. As he leaves Hawke’s tears hit her cheeks and Fenris knows she is crying but cannot comfort her, wouldn’t know how. Better to let the mage handle this one. Anders strokes her back and then wraps her up from behind.

She is breaking and Anders is trying to hold her together, she buries her head in his chest and then follows him as he moves to the bed and pulls her into his arms rocking her like a small child. “Shh, about time even the strongest have to let their emotions out on occasion.” Anders is stroking her face wiping her tears as she sniffles and grabs a washcloth to wipe her face. She is stroking his face as well and looking at him in wonder. He kisses her forehead and then each eye and then her mouth and he deepens the kiss when she responds moaning low in her throat. It is all the encouragement he needs as he moves her to the bed keeping the kisses deep pouring what he wants into them.

When more tears hit his hand as he kisses down her body though he stops and looks at her face. “Please don’t, Anders I can’t lose anyone else. I couldn’t live if you walked away.” When he shakes his head and leans down to kiss her again she shakes her head and pushes him away. “No Anders, please I can’t.”

Anders smiles wryly at her. “Then I will hold you and let you cry and swear it never happened.” 

“I’d rather be alone.” Hawke admits sitting up and moving to the bottle of whiskey and pouring herself a glass. Anders wants her back in his arms, wants to hold her but she will never allow it and he knows it. She takes the bottle and the glass with her and beelines for the tub. Anders shakes his head and grabs a book content to let her soak and sulk in private. When she has not come out by the time the water is long cold Anders goes in to check on her. Bottle is empty and the glass is tipped over dripping its last amber drops into the water. Seeing the blood he is worried she has injured herself is afraid she might have harmed herself and breathes a sigh of relief when he checks her to see she is passed out drunk. Draining the water he grabs a towel and lifts her smiling as the dagger she had in her hand clatters into the tub. Anders is praying she will stay unconscious long enough for him to get her to the bed, dried off and dressed. Holding her with one hand he dries her with the other and slips a robe on her and then gets her into the bed covering her pillow with a dry towel. Her hair is black silk and slips through his fingers easily. Done he goes to leave only to have a hand clamp on his wrist and pull him back. “Please don’t leave me alone.” Pulling boots off and robes he is in his pants and lays on top of the covers pulling her to him. She wraps around him and sleeps.

Justice is waiting for her in the Barron landscape of the fade. “Tessa.” He gathers her up in a hug raining kisses on her head. “Thank you for letting me hold you. I know you are in pain but I wanted to thank you for that.”

“We have a lot to do, help me?” Justice nods as she releases the souls of the dead. She holds her mother back, not ready to face her yet. The undead souls she collected make her shudder as she expels them and she is shaking by the time it is done. Justice is behind her supporting her and she leans against his chest reveling in his strength. She places her hand along his check and smiles. Justice’s face is not the face of Anders all weak chin and cold brown eyes.

Justice is hard rugged lines and cold blue eyes this face that has become beloved in the years since they have met. “Do you want me to stay?” Justice asks kissing her palm and running hands down her stomach and then trailing them back up. When she is silent he kisses her palm again and then nibbles on her fingers eliciting a moan and a rub from her along his length. This causes him to moan as well. She sighs and crosses her arms over her chest and steps away from him.

“Do not Justice, we both know that Anders does not share your feelings for me.”

“We are the same Tessa, what he feels I do, one and the same. Please Tessa, you know I”

“No, Justice. Do not say it, I can’t, not now not ever please don’t you will leave me and I will be alone and I could not bear it again.”

“I shall stand with you Tessa; you sought and took Justice for your mother.” Shepherding her mother’s soul to where it needs to go is the hardest thing she has ever done and Tessa is grateful for the quiet support Justice offers. “It approaches morning Tessa, you need to wake up. You will be drained today, stay safe today, I will have Anders help you if I can.”

“No, I will deal with this on my own.”

“No one is impressed with your ability to keep them at arm’s length, they are your friends. They love you and want to help you.”

“They seek to hood me, to tie tresses to me and keep me shackled to them, each of them want something from me, something I am not willing to give.” Hawke is lashing out in grief.

“You do it instinctively, you give them leadership, your time your guidance. You protect them and they protect you. None of them can take from you what you are not willing to give Tessa; you are too strong for that.” A corner of her mouth turns up at that and she looks away.

“If only that were true.” Hawke wakes up to see Anders gazing at her. “Thank you, for last night Anders, you are a good friend and I do appreciate you for you not just Justice.”

“I take it the souls went willingly?” Anders says hand on her cheek in comfort.

“Yes, how much do you get from our conversations?” Hawke asks looking at Anders speculatively over her shoulder as she steps behind a screen and puts her armor on. It is a question she has asked various ways over the years.

“It’s still like a dream for me, I only get bits and pieces usually unless Justice wants to share. It’s the same for him, we are one but we don’t share all the head space. Your secrets are safe with him and they are safe with me.” 

“Join mother and I for breakfast?” Hawke asks and then Anders hears her hit the floor and sobs begin anew. Anders is not sure if he should stay where he is at or offer assistance. Then he notices the blood seeping under the screen and he is there instantly. “It seems I have butter fingers today.” Hawke is holding her hand above her head and he sees the long gash from wrist to elbow.

“I vote you take a day off.” Anders looks at the cut. “Is there anything on your blades?” He asks and Hawke shakes her head no.

“Not on this one, other one yes but this one is clean.”

“Are you sure because you are bleeding a lot for that cut.” Hawke stands up swaying on her feet a little. 

“Dammit, nightbloom bathroom, antidote in left drawer, takes me with you.” She is slurring her words and Anders knows she has the antidote on her person but follows directions anyways. He gets her to the bathroom and discards the bloody rag he has on the way and gets another one when he gets there and sits her on the edge of the tub turning on the water in the sink.

“Hold that there, let me get the antidote and I can heal you.” Hawke nods slowly and keeps the makeshift bandage on her arm.

Fenris smells the blood before he gets to the room and takes out his dagger. There is blood on the floor along with a rag. A bloody hand print is on the wall next to the door has him dashing to the bathroom. “Hawke! Answer me!” Fenris rounds the corner and sees Hawke sitting on the tub holding a bloody towel with Anders running water on another one. They look at him as he sheathes his blade and kneels down in front of her tilting her head side to side. “Nightbloom?” Fenris asks smelling the poison on the blade. Anders nods and puts the new towel on it soaked in the antidote.

“Here, hold this on it don’t let her pass out. That needs to sit for about ten minutes and then I can heal it. Let me know if she goes unconscious.” Anders is efficient in putting Fenris to work though Hawke doesn’t want Fenris touching her. 

“No, let go, I have this.” Her speech is slurred and she wavers though flinches when Fenris reaches out to steady her.

“Enough Hawke, I am trying to help you not take your dagger.” Anders whips his head around at Fenris' words to see Hawke is indeed holding a dagger in her hand as she holds the towel on. Anders leaves the bathroom and Hawke concedes to allow him to hold the bandage as it is taking too much effort. 

“You came on me?” Fenris raises an eyebrow at the sentence than works it out in his head.

“Yes, I came to check on you. I knew you had to release your mother’s soul last night. That could not have been easy.”

“Wasn’t, never has been. Thought Beth dead, lose skill. Not so.” Then she is crying and Fenris is way out of his depth here. He pulls her down onto the floor with him and wraps her up in his arms. Hawke is so surprised she goes but is stiff in his arms afraid to move or touch him. He wants his fierce Hawke back. All he can think is please don't be like what happened with Sten. Anders comes back in and stops at the scene of Fenris on the floor with her and Hawke crying. Fenris looks up at the mage pleading in his eyes. “I am not sure how I caused this but she won’t stop. Anders I swear I didn’t do anything to her.”

“Hawke, love, it’s okay.” Fenris doesn’t miss the tautness of her body or the physical flinch when Anders calls her love. It is enough however to get her under control.

“Let go of me Fenris. Anders heal.” She holds her arm up and Anders complies and casts rejuvenate to clear her head. Untangling herself from Fenris she scrubs at the blood on her arm and sheathes her dagger and gets up. “I thank you for your help but both of you need to leave me now. I have things to do this day and I do not need a babysitter.” There is his Hawke; there is the warrior woman though Fenris finds he misses the other one too. She who swore she would never break again as badly as she did for Sten. Fenris leaves, Anders finishing with the bloody towels and puts them in the basket. Hawke finishes getting dressed and brushes and braids her hair. She has a funeral pyre to figure out and she needs to restock on potions. Darting here and there she does not miss the shadow that follows her doesn’t even bat an eyelash when her knife sticks out of the eye of the man as he tried to shank her. Rifling the pockets she comes up with an interesting note and heads to low-town to see what is going on.

“It is a sad day when a noble can’t even walk in broad daylight without someone trying to kill her.” Is her greeting to Garvel, local pit boss as she puts the note on the table along with the head of one of the spies.

“Ugh, why do you think I have anything to do with that? I don’t want you dead Hawke, you’re good for business.” Garvel is a weasel half dwarf with a milky right eye. Hawke knows better than to trust him though and keeps him in front of her.

“Like I said, I wouldn’t want you hurt Hawke. It’s just business.” His gaze flicks to the left and it’s enough warning for Hawke to move and the blade miss her. She has already killed that attacker when more come through the doors and drop down from the walkway above.

“Last chance Garvel, tell me who wants me dead or I will kill you.” Hawke says her dagger flipping in her hand after pulling it from the man who had attacked her.

“Sorry Hawke, just business.” He turns to run and meets Isabella’s blades along with Aveline.

“Hawke, you started without us, I’m hurt.” Isabella chides sinking another dagger into an attacker. Aveline has her shield up and is smacking anything close with it.

“I hate it when you spy on me Aveline!” Hawke is furious though grateful at the same time. She's refusing to grieve her mother like she did Sten like she still does Sten; she'll never be that weak again.


	64. Not Arishok

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I have written and re-written this chapter so many times and honestly this is about the only way it works so I apologize in advance. NSFW

Arishok  
Yassin lives, though her grief consumes her. She has been tasked with collecting the blades of the fallen accomplishes the task with efficiency befitting her title.  
-Taarbas-

Arishok reads the message again crumples it tosses it into the flames. He is less than three days back to Par-Vollen having sent the Tome of Koslun back when he got it. He had headed to Seheron though, had run the Tevinters ships to ground dropped the soldiers home that lived there both giving them rest and boosting the numbers there.

“Arishok, you will mate with Gueryins. You may have your choice of which one.” Ariqun had pen poised over the parchment watching Arishok as he went through the list. “We need to replenish our numbers, controlled re-population is the key.” They are in her office and Arishok is not happy about the requirement of him wants to be back on a ship to somewhere fighting something.

“I would prefer Ben-Hassrath.” Arishok has always preferred the warrior women.

“You would prefer Yassin but you chose to leave her.” Ariqun had not been pleased when she found out Hawke was not among the ones coming back.

“She issued public challenge.” Arishok levels Ariqun with a look.

“Could have been overcome with your claim on her as you have failed to submit her to the Qun and killing her you will choose a Carrier.” She levels him a look just as challenging.

“Whoever ends up in my chambers is fine Ariqun I serve the Qun.” Arishok wants this conversation over with.

“As you wish.” Ariqun makes a note dismissing Arishok leaving him to enjoy the festival. Walking through the streets it is the celebration of the returning army. He is greeted by several many of the females moving or swaying to entice him but he is not. Each caste and class does their best to impress and he knows the Antaam will impress the Carriers if they have been picked and it is habit that finds him at Sten’s dwelling. There is nothing to note this dwelling is any different than any other, his scent long gone from the absence of several years. Still Arishok sits on the chair he always sat in to visit his second in command watching memories play out as the man made tea or cleaned weapons together. It is here in this dwelling he lets his mind fill and empty of Hawke of her stretched out on this bed or cleaning her own weapons with them.

He cannot admit to missing her, cannot admit to the pain she feels or he feels. Her grief had driven him to his knees part of the reason he had not headed straight for Par-Vollen. He’d taken to his quarters barred entry to many had to put on a brave face for Healer. For all the cold exterior Hawke felt just as much as any other and he’d been at her mercy, her feelings echoing through him until it felt like he was swallowing his sword but finally she’d stopped. Part of him wondered if it was the distance or him finally getting used to the fact his mate would forever grieve. Of course she would survive Sten's passing, of course she would collect the souls of the dead she is his Yassin she will meet whatever challenge is put before her. It is his challenge to accept she cannot be his, that he cannot help her.

Walking out he is swept up by the next group of festival goers orators who spout the laws of the Qun, the poetry of the land and others they have seen managing to free himself sits and eats with a Karasaad their Karasten trying to impress a Ben-Hassrath female who is moving in a dance as well. Lights play off her bronze skin her horns black obsidian curling back from her head. Long black hair is dangling behind her in a braid she notices Arishok moves to entice him though he shakes his head no. Brief disappointment is replaced when the Karasten places a hand on her waist humming her answering hum causing a smile among the rest of the men. 

“Arishok.” It is said low, breathy her small hand on his shoulder. Arishok doesn’t move merely grabs her hand pulls her gently to join him and she does. Gold skin, her horns black and close to the head young, very young he raises an eyebrow at her.

“What did Ariqun tell you?” Arishok asks surely they jest to send him a child.

“Asaaranda, thunderstorm you are seen and heard can conquer as needed.”

Arishok sighs offering her food in front of him. “Come and eat, enjoy the festival.” She is tentative, shy and scared causing Arishok to hum pulling her gently to him does not force her to sit in his lap merely next to him. “Gueryins Kost.” She glows under the acknowledgment is soon reclining against him as he feeds her bites of meat and bread. Arishok escorts her through the festival, watches as her eyes light up at the bouts of fighting laughs at the bad poetry tries to relax with her tries to not think of Hawke who would be enjoying the festival with him how he would have to restrain her from correcting her Karasaad’s mistakes as they show off.

“Arishok drifts.” She comments her hand light on his arm she is tiny in build and stature barely comes up to his chest. He inclines his head caught thinking of another watches as a display of females dancing catches her attention. She does not need to join the fray, hers an assignment already given but she wants to and Arishok knows it. Quickly grabbing her by the waist he wraps his sash around her is pleased when she accepts the token goes to join the dancing his token will keep the other males from claiming her will still allow her to enjoy their gazes on her though.  
Arvaarad stands next to him three swirls on his chest inclines his head to Arishok as he watches the females. “She is young.” It is not said with malice or judgment merely an observation.

“The Qun does not wait for our age.” Arishok watches the other females keeping an eye on his watches as she slows her dance to the beat of the drums watches as she executes a series of movements with her hips meant to entice and inflame the males feels his body react sees all of the males react as the females do the movement again at the next corner males offering hands to some of the females as they pass. Her dress is the light green of her caste, indicating this will be her first carry the darker green a successful carry. Arishok’s eyes are caught by female in blue, hers the color of the medical caste her movements precise and studied but it’s her horns the firelight playing off the silver spires that has his attention. When she arrives with the other females Arvaarad reaches for her is rewarded when she clasps his hand Arishok pulls his notices the flush of skin the brightness of eyes runs teeth down her neck leads her back to his chambers his fingers keeping her ready for him stroking careful to be patient.

“Arishok.” He’s already undone the torque her curves spilling before him his thumbs tracing nipples his mouth tracing teeth on her neck until she is wrapping her arms around him laying her back on his bed he’s already removed pants his want very evident as he schools the novice in how to please him.

When she would reach for horns or ears he refuses growls causing her to shrink back from him. “Don’t you will not like it.” She nods rolls her hips causing him to groan his is instinct to get closer doesn’t rush her to completion allows her far more freedoms than he would normally. He wants her first carry to be pleasant dares not ruin this for her.

As she relaxes on him Arishok is pleased to realize there are no marks on her, this task had kept his attention on her the entire time kept his mind busy realizing his time with Hawke good practice for this. “Arishok far more gentle than I was told.” She admits earning a glance from Arishok as she blushes at the admission.

“If you wish to be conquered I will accommodate.” This is said as a purr his teeth grazing under her jaw know it will send heat low is rewarded by the scent. He’d always picked the warrior women when his body needed; he was not known to be a gentle lover. 

“No.” It is said with fear the scent masking the arousal of earlier causes him to tip her face to look at him kisses her softly pulling back to rub his forehead on hers tracing fingers on the underside of her breast until she is needy again allows her to straddle him enjoys watching her face at this new power she has as she controls the speed and movements catching her hips to guide her when she would stop as her release hits her keeps her riding as her claws rake lightly over his thighs. Her next release pulls him over he is clenching his jaw to be careful, to be gentle.  
Knock on the door surprises Arishok as she is sleeping wrapped around him though wakes when she hears the knock shares a confused look with Arishok. “Dress, I will secure you before I tend to whatever this is.” She nods heads to the bathroom to clean up as he answers the door. Karasten is there along with Kithshok lets both men in when he makes sure she is not in the room.

“Arishok, Seharon, we have council as soon as you can.” Arishok nods joins them at the table as they speak quickly and low letting him know what is going on both men stop when she walks back in the room.

She is still very much in heat, still requires his attention it is a heady siren’s call they have to ignore though both men grip the table their claws digging in the wood as Arishok growls. “I cannot.”

Kithshok is shaking his head no, “Arishok, Ariqun ordered her back to the compound she will be secured.”

She is standing near the bed “Arishok I need.”

Arishok takes a moment, looks at the two men calculating, his the mind of knowing exactly where his troops are what resources he has without needing to look at a map. “Send 6 ships to Seheron with the soldiers get that port secured send another 6 to Tevinter not to attack unless needed but to make them remember they are not in charge. Rest stay here stop the trade ships not flying Qunari flags and do random on those that are. I do not want them here; I do not want Tevinter landing troops here. We will leave with the tide in the morning.”

Another knock has Ariqun there along with Arigena. Arishok repeats the plans steps between Ariqun and Gueryins shakes his head no. “She stays until the tide she will carry.”

Ariqun inclines her head knows better than to challenge a male when the female is in heat. “You have not already accomplished your duty?” Ariqun is curious, there are no marks on the girl surely Arishok did not waste his time.

Arishok chuckles at that and steps closer to Ariqun the woman backing up a little though she does meet his gaze. “Not all conquering ends in bloodshed.” Kithshok growls earning a raised eyebrow from Arishok, ah so the Ariqun had chosen to try and carry as well inclining his head to 

Kithshok Arishok waits as the man pulls Ariqun back to him waits as the rest leave his room turns and gathers Gueryins up hums as she accepts him. He'll never know if she carries, only Yassin must be protected by their mates during pregnancy.

When Arishok comes back from Seheron it is to a War Council. “Stens, secure Arishok.” Arigena and Ariqun are there and Arishok is confused. “There are those that think you have failed your service to the Qun. As such there is a council to deal with the charges.”

There are no inherited titles in the Qun, every soldier starts as Karashok or private, then Karasaad or soldier only after you have distinguished yourself, only after you have specialized per the requirements of Qun, Tamassran and skill did you go higher. Karasten infantry commander Kithshok guard captains in cities, Arvaarad or Templars, Beresaad or scout, Vasaad, Ashaad, Taarbas and Sten all possible outcomes. He had chosen Arishok had been in the right place at the right time when Ralshokra had been called had come out Arishok now all of that work is stripped from him. Ariqun and Arigena have stripped him of the title, stripped him of the Qun and as he looks in the mirror Vitaar gone, pauldrons and armor gone, his blades gone he is not sure how to react. Biggest change is the lack of horns that had been a surprise he had not expected. Gone were his horns the weight of them enough to have him unbalanced. He has been cast out of the Qun and Par-Vollen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ariqun- Priest Arishok-War Arigena-Mind Tamassran-Teacher Karasaad-soldier Karashok-Private Arvaarad -Control Saarebas – Mage Taarbas-bladecollector Gueryins-Females who carry


	65. Mercenary

He is Maaras, nothing and he embraces it as he takes the coin Healer hands him that had been a fight. Healer had wanted to leave too and been denied. “Do not waste your life for me, serve the next Arishok and I will see you in the next life.” Coin had bought him food, a way to Rivain and he meets a Qunari woman and her group of Mercenaries named Iron Claws. Days slide to weeks as he travels with the group gaining muscles he lost and skill he needed. 

“Herah?” She is Vashoth, red hair hangs to her shoulders and her eyes are a forest green. She is a dual wielder like him though her proficiency with all the blades is amazing. Their group is mixed between human, elves and Qunari though Herah and him are the only two Qunari.

“Maaras, good hunting.” He hands her the hares waits as she takes them from him she is still jumpy around him. Time and persistence had helped with that. 

“Herah step back to me.” They were in Antiva, a small town with a name too long for him to pronounce. Far too grand a name for the shit hole that it is. She does as asked is surprised when he loops a hand around her waist places his lips to her ear. “Males are taking an interest in you,   
thought to head them off I am going to run my teeth down your neck once don't fight.” He does as he says watches as the two males eye him and then leave.

“Thank You.” She'd breathed as he'd let her go. When they are camping that night their leader Gerin poked him in the shoulder with a stick.

“What was that in the tavern you sweet on Herah now? Going to break all the ladies hearts finally and settle down?” He'd not answered merely looked to see what Herah would answer.

“No, two males were bothering me he stopped the argument before it started.” Herah offers a small smile to him looks back to Gerin.  
Farther south they had traveled and the jobs had gotten more interesting. When they are close to KirkWall he stops. His Yassin has been bouts of grief and rage in equal parts along with the nothing he normally gets from their bond.

“Gerin, I wish to travel on my own.” He'd told the elf had watched as the man thought hard about this.

“Taking Herah with you?”

“No, I would travel alone I don't need a companion.”

“Then fair hunting and many wages. Armor and weapons stay, you leave with what you came with.”

“You are leaving? Want me to come with you?” Herah asks as he packs his things.

“No.” When she'd turned away hurt he'd caught her. “I do not mean to hurt you, if you thought there was more.” He shakes his head no. “It was not intended.”

“You were a friend when I needed it and I thank you for that.” She places her forehead on his rubs gently. “Why are you going?” 

“My mate calls to me, it is time I returned to her.” He'd admitted seen her eyes search for the mark. He'd moved his necklace to reveal the mark traced it gently with his fingers. He's seen what was done to her. She'd been bathing after a fight her pauldrons removed as she cleaned up and he'd stepped out of the bushes thinking to get water for his canteen. She'd tried to cover expecting him to demand what had happened to grab her and he'd stayed where he was had merely watched her eyes. 

“Look and know what can be done to a female of our race.” She'd challenged and he had inclining his head to her. 

“It is not only done to our race, women of all races have been treated thus. It is not their fault, just as yours are not your fault. That you challenge every male of our race for what was done with you is wrong. Not all of us would do that to you, I certainly wouldn't I just want to get water.” He'd held up the object of discussion and walked to fill it. 

“Most who see them think me a whore.” She'd kept her back to him at this admission. 

“Most who see me think Sarebaas; humans fear me and think me stupid. It does not matter what the bas think Herah. They are nothing in a sea of nothing until they choose to be more.” 

“How long have you been away from the Qun?” He curses himself for the use of the term as she looks at him over her shoulder. 

“Not long, it has been an adjustment.” She laughs at that. “You have never experienced the Qun.” 

“No, would you teach me?” He shakes his head no. 

“I am no Tamassran, it would not serve you for me to teach you either.” She'd left it alone. 

He hadn't planned on the slavers, certainly didn't expect the mine they threw him in. They'd chained him, his hands locked together as were his feet. He was not the only Qunari in the mine, there had been three others on his line but they'd been broken years ago. In that dark he wondered if he'd ever see the sun again wondered if he'd ever see the storm gray eyes of his mate. It takes some months but eventually he does manage to get free, that the freedom came at the jaws of dragons was the best thing he'd ever seen. Home, he needs to get home his Yassin is grieving badly now the only thing he is getting through their bond is sadness a never ending torrent of it.


	66. Reunions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NSFW

Reunions  
Arishok had followed the Darktown tunnels to Hawke's estate used the key she never took back to let himself in. Padding quietly up to her room he sits in the chair near the fire. It is a waiting game for him as he sits and looks at these surroundings. House is eerily quiet; he narrows his eyes at the bed it’s been slept in but not recently. It is high summer so no fire would be laid in the grate getting up he inspects the bathroom sees and smells her recent scents heads across the hall into the mother's room. Scents are very old here, a layer of dust over everything making him think something has happened to the woman. Room next to Hawke's is scents older than he can discern the room at the end of the hall stinks of magic. Her Saarebas' room Anders' when he stays there then. Hawke lives here alone, as a man who had always been surrounded by the family of the Qun this solitary existence Hawke has embraced is foreign to him.

“Who are you and why are you here.” Hawke is behind him her blade on his chest ready to thrust up into his lung, she can't reach his neck but she definitely knows how to kill him if she's given the chance.

“Yassin.” His voice is gravely from no use he keeps his hands out to the sides he has no armor on, no weapons and without his horns, earrings, his muscle tone is nothing his body showing the scars of torture. She can't recognize him.

“Arishok?” Hawke is shocked as her hand slips on the blade and then she puts it up.

“Not anymore.” He turns to face her is shocked when he sees her. “What has happened to you Yassin?”

“It's been a rough couple of years Not Arishok, what do I call you now anyways?” She's always had cat features to her face hers the lethal grace of a large one but now the cheeks are sunken, the eyes bloodshot and she is less.

“Maraas.”

“I am not calling you nothing, what did they do to you? How are you here? Why are you here?”

“Parshaara Yassin.” He holds up his hand to stop the flood of questions.

He is answered with a smile, that smile he has missed. When it looks like she is going to speak again he bends and kisses her is pleased when she answers the kiss moans low her body pressing against his automatically. She rips her lips away though places a hand on his chest instead. “Hang on; I need to know what is going on before we hit the bed.”

Lips land on hers again with a growl as he picks her up puts her back down, his body cannot even carry his mate he is in worse shape than he thought and he lets her go. Placing his forehead on hers he is breathing carefully. “Yeah let's go slow here, you look like death in fact I dub you Kata until we get you up and normal again.”

“You are being venak-hol Yassin.”

“Likewise Kata now first things first let's get you clean.” Hawke takes his hand leads him to the chair he was in and sets him back down. “Let me get the bath running one minute please.” She moves away retreats to the bathroom when it is full she comes to get him. “It will be a tight fit but it will work, I will get a bigger tub ordered tomorrow for now I apologize for the accommodations.”

Arishok barely fits in the tub, sighs at the scent though and the feel of the water on his skin. Hawke gently cleans him empties out the water when it becomes too dirty and fills the tub again. This is repeated one more time before the water is clean enough and Hawke is satisfied. Neither comment on the scars he now bears on the lack of paint, earrings and horns. “Are they sensitive?” She finally asks when he is out of the tub and drying him off.

“They are fine.” He reaches up to touch them tentatively they itch and he does scratch them.

“Ok well you can wear Carver's pants for the moment and you and I will head to the black market when you are ready we can get you armor and weapons there.” Hawke is looking through her potions. He is eating, it’s the first food he has had in days and he is grateful for it.

“Yassin Kost.” She is badly rattled and he has no idea what he's walked into.

Hawke takes a deep breath looks back to him, “I can make you something to put on the horns to deaden them I can also make you some horn balm if you'd prefer.”

“Do not worry about me what is going on with you?” Hawke shakes her head no keeps her back to him as she continues to mess with the potions. “You remind me of Healer right now, horn balm is fine.” He sees her flinch at the name in his voice. “Ariqun and Arigena have stripped me of Arishok; have exiled me for failure to the Qun. It was not a nice exile; took a few to get used to being out of the Qun and now I am here. Your turn.” When it doesn't look like she is going to answer he stands behind her at the table places his hands over hers. “Talk to me, trust me.”

She is out of his arms and glaring at him. “I did and you killed Sten, I did and you nearly destroyed my city, I did and you went and got yourself unArishoked. Trusting you was not a great idea when you look at it from my point of view.”

“Hawke who are you talking to?” Anders comes in sees the Qunari and awakens his magic.

“She is Arishok's back off.” He laughs at that shakes his head at Anders' confusion.

“You told them?”

“Taarbas did actually.” Hawke pulls the necklace out of her tunic unclasps it holds it out to him.

“Take it, if you are not Arishok than I am not Yassin and need this no more. Our contract is null and void.”

“Wait that's Arishok?” Anders looks again at the man. “What happened to you?”

He doesn't move to take the necklace back. “Keep it, wear it you are still Yassin just not mine.”

“Wait so the next Arishok can come and claim her?”

“That is not part of the agreement NotArishok. Agreement was me and you not just any Arishok.”

“I don't make the rules Yassin I don't even get to live by them anymore.”

“Stop calling me that then, as NotArishok you cannot call me that you cannot even address me or touch me.” She's retreating into the rules he told her trying to make sense of this trying to figure out what her feelings on this are.

“Breathe Hawke, calm down you are okay.” Anders casts soothe on her lets her breathe a bit easier. He's glaring at Arishok this is the man that has caused all of this casts shock on the man having him hit his knees.

“Anders! You will not harm him.” Hawke is between the two in a moment blades out facing Anders.

“You would protect him after what he did? He killed Sten, killed hundreds of people. Nearly killed Isabella, you nearly died with your grief and now he's back and he's in your bedroom like everything is okay?”

“You will never say his name to me again Anders, he is gone and no amount of tears, screams or pain will make him walk back through that door trust me I have tried.” She takes a deep breath is trying to breathe through that pain and failing. Hitting her knees   
her arms are wrapped around herself head on the floor. Fingers reach and find Sten's dagger Arishok reaches out to her stops when he runs into Anders' barrier around her.

“Let her be.”

Arishok watches her, aches for her, “Yassin attend me.” Hawke is crawling to him her need to accomplish his request second nature to her as he reaches and secures her in his arms doesn't care that Anders is there as he kisses her and she responds, “Anders go away I need Yassin.”

“Hawke.” Justice and Anders both want to fry Arishok to pry him away from her knows she will slice his throat open if he does it.

She's not listening as Arishok pulls her up and to the bed already pulling buckles and removes Sten's dagger from her hand. His is a long familiarity with her body hers as well as nails run lightly over back. When she runs a hand over Arishok's erection Anders does flee. Slamming of the door is the thing that gets Hawke back to reality. Sten was the last one to have her and that memory she is not ready to get rid of. “Stop, I can’t I won’t.” He stops they are both naked and he can smell her arousal but over the top of it is her sadness and her fear.

“You do not fear me what do you fear?”

“That I will forget him in your arms, that I will forgive you and be wrong.”

“You are mine, have been mine since you walked into the compound. Did you not beg them to kill you? Did you not say you wanted to come with me that you were supposed to? Did you not cry out for me in your misery?” He is in her now rocks his hips to remind her where he is at. “Your body craves me, allowed me in with no resistance you feel the completeness you feel the bond. You are my home Yassin and I am yours.”

When they are sated, when she is sleeping he moves quietly to Anders’ room knows the mage is still awake. “Anders.”

“What do you want?” Anders is wary, he’s never met Arishok Hawke had kept him far away from any of the Qunari. His interaction with the warlord had usually been him leaving though he’ll never forget watching Hawke walking up to the man and losing the fight for Isabella. “You do not understand, I will explain.”

Anders holds his hand up. “Hawke will explain what she wants me to know when she wants me to know it, first rule of surviving an encounter with Hawke is never speak about her when she is not there. Better to not speak at all about her even when she is there. Don’t ever speak of or ask about her private life and never question the orders she gives. Live by those and you might make it longer than a day without a knife to your throat.”

“You all fear her; Yassin should not be feared by her companions.”

“Yes she should, it keeps us where we should be which is behind her or actually in front of her she doesn’t like to have someone behind her. Enough what do you want?”

“What has happened since I left?”

Anders indicates for him to come in offers him water. “We still don’t have a viscount the Knight Commander is currently ruling as mages and Templars are still having issues. There are many who want Hawke to take the viscountess seat but her involvement with you the fact she lost the fight doesn’t lend her the support she needs. She lost her mother about a month ago and she’s coping but not well, she is alone now. Oriana, Bodhan and Sandal have all left so it’s just her in this house which honestly she prefers.”

“She pushes you all away because she is afraid if she holds you close you will die. There is nothing between her and Fenris?”

Anders shakes his head no, “She barely survived Sten if you call what she is now alive he got her eating and gave her the task of the blades but now that is done and her mother is dead and she is lost. She drifts in the ocean with no purpose, nothing to pull her one way or another.” His Yassin is looking for purpose as well, that is not going to be easy. “You should not be greeted with too much hostility; most will not know you and those that do won’t recognize you. Qunari have been coming back to the city been more than willing to rebuild and help much to everyone’s surprise and delight. Do you need healing does anything hurt?” Anders is looking at him critically now not sure what is normal of Qunari.

“No, I need time food and exercise and I will be fine. Yassin though, she is lost in the peace we will find her something to do.”

“I am not a pet project for a former Arishok and an apostate mage to work on.” Hawke is at the door with her robe on glaring at them both.

“Hawke I.”

“Stop Anders I am aware of how persuasive he can be and I know your concerns over me are valid. As for you Kata for that is your name from now on I do not need you to come in and fix my life. Our struggles are our own to face or hide from as we choose to overcome those struggles to face those fears we must have control over ourselves, over our environment and others. Anaan esaam Qun.” It is said with arms crossed gray eyes flashing at him. “To show you those steps, to guide you through those struggles is Tamassrans is your brothers and sisters in the Qun. I see no Tamassrans’ and I see no brothers or sisters of the Qun.”

He is off the bed now towering over her. “Do not quote the passages I taught you to me Hawke, do not mock me that I was shoved out of my life for you were the instrument of my downfall. Your companion is the one who stole it and you could not get the relic back for me. I am denied Par-Vollen because of you.”

“Me? For years you did not tell me about the relic, would never tell me what the task was! How many months did it take for you to plan to attack my city? I told you I would always stand between it and you. You killed your second in command when he voiced concerns about your plan. Did he not plead with you to allow me time to find the Relic? You told me about the relic and attacked the city less than a month later. I am good Kata, but not even I can work that kind of miracle. You chose me and I nearly destroyed myself to be what you wanted me to be. You had just attacked my city, left it in ruins, killed hundreds of people and you wanted me to get on a ship with you? My mother was still here? They would have hurt her I would have been branded a villain my companions would have taken the blame for you, for me. I could not abandon them when they needed me anymore than you would have been able to.”

“Why have you not seized power? The viscount is dead, you said you wanted to rule do it.”

“Not how that works Kata.” Anders chimes in shakes his head at the pair of them. Hawke is not a feminine woman, nor is she short. Seeing her now standing next to Arishok she looks feminine his hard lines soften hers she can walk under his arm if he puts it out and as she twirls a dagger it is a reminder she is a lethal predator but Anders sees the connection between the two. That much cheek from him or anyone else would have sent Hawke into a rage but Kata or Arishok and she just shrugs it off.

“Very hard to seize power when you took one of the horned heathens to bed, never mind the fact I was a mess am still a mess. You should have killed me Kata, I do not prefer this world this world is too bright.” Hawke leaves heads back to her room and pulls on armor.

“Stop Hawke, please don’t.” Anders is trying to stop her from getting dressed trying to call her back off the ledge. “You don’t need to hunt you need to sleep you haven’t slept in days you haven’t eaten today either stop please.” When Hawke would try and send him sprawling Anders steps into it wraps her up and hangs on.

“Not fair Justice, no one invited you to the fight.” Hawke twists her hips does send Anders sprawling continues to dress.

“Enough Tessa, you will rest you will eat you will join me in the fade tonight and I am done asking.”

Hawke bares her teeth at him it’s a challenge and Kata watches this unfold carefully. “I will eat when I want, I will sleep when I want and I am done being ordered around and man-handled you will all remember who is in charge or I will be painting my walls with your blood your choice.” Blades are out daggers since her swords are too long for this close of quarters.

“Normally I enjoy this but tonight is not the night to push me, was a shit night and week for that matter.” Anders is crossing his arms Justice has retreated for the moment.

“Shit day and week and you thought ordering me around would make it better? Do I look like a child to you when in our relationship have I ever allowed you to order me around? You are not my keeper Anders.” Hawke is walking backwards to the window and without moving Kata starts to hum, it is an instant relax to Hawke whose eyes jump to him her hands relax on the daggers.

“Come to me Yassin, let your mate tend you, you are right I should not have gone after the book the way I did. Moment I declared you Yassin I should have told you about the book, I should have given you a chance to find it for me. You wanted to rule I removed your obstacle.”

Hawke laughs then, “Kinda like when you flushed out my would be assassin by flooding LowTown with poison? Nearly killed me in that attempt too, never ask a warlord to remove a problem for you it tends to be done on epic scale. I’ll remember that.”

“That incident was blamed on the thieves no one asked where they got the poison if they would have it would have gone badly for you and her. You killed the viscount, she let you walk away they already feared she was under your influence they have done a damn good job of blocking her to rule. Never mind the fact the Knight-Commander is a raving lunatic who is turning the circle into a prison with more rules and regulations and putting her Templars all over the city. There are dark rumors about people going missing that stand up to her not just mages but citizens. Aveline is worried but hasn’t been able to get you to talk to her or any of us then your mother and yeah it’s been hell Hawke you just can’t see it you won’t.”  
Hawke shakes her head no, “Aveline would not let the death of my mother stop her from asking me for help.”

“She didn’t, you did. You told her you didn’t care if the city fell into the sea you just wanted to be left alone so she did. When you started hunting again Varric tried to bring up what was going on and you blew him off as well. I assure you the city is screaming for help and you are so stuck in your own head you won’t see it. It’s been weeks since you’ve seen Justice which means you are either dealing directly with Vengeance or holding the souls either one is not healthy and you know it.”

Hawke holds up a hand to stop anything else. “What I do or don’t with the souls I collect is none of your concern Anders, I dealt with the souls without Justice’s help before and I will again I do not need Justice or you for that matter.”

Anders bows, “Ah yes the mighty self-sufficient Hawke who needs and wants no one except maybe the murderer of her mate, the man who killed hundreds all so he could get a book and get you a fucking crown. I’m sorry I forget my place.”

Now it’s Kata’s turn to weigh in on this he’s had enough, “Yes you do forget your place Saarebas Do not think to poison her against me it will not work. She is mine and I am hers, one cannot live without the other and the faster you realize that the better off you will be. You still crave her you try and push me because you want her and it will not work. Sten chose his death, she chose to stay here and I chose to come back those are choices Anders. Choices you cannot understand because you do not and will not ever know the Qun.”

“I can live without you Kata, I’ve already proved that.”

“You can live without Sten, you cannot live without me Hawke, that matter was settled the moment we claimed each other. Your chances of surviving my death of me surviving yours are slim to none and we both know it.” He is to her removing her pauldrons pulling the tank to bear his mark, “Mine Yassin Sten requested it but you agreed I agreed this is one contract that ends in our death Yassin. You knew that the moment you put your mark on me.”

“That is why you didn’t kill him, why you defend him, you have to.” Anders is looking into gray eyes and seeing her heart shatter, knows the sound all too well knows she will soon be sweeping it back up and taping it back together.

“Had I known when I did that I would have killed you.”

He walks towards her arms open, “you are welcome to try now Yassin, no armor, no blades and in the condition I am in you might actually stand a chance.”

“Arishok I wouldn’t tempt her, certainly wouldn’t goad her into battle with you right now.”

Hawke throws her head back and laughs it is a full bodied laugh that has her putting her blades up and holding her stomach she is laughing so hard. “Oh we are a fine pair you and I, the grieving widow who hasn’t slept in 6 days, hasn’t eaten in 4, is tied to the former Arishok, murderer of hundreds of her citizens and killer of her mate. He who has lost everything is tied to the one he took everything from and neither can kill the other but both would love to die but won’t because we are still needed and it’s a coward’s way out. Where is Varric when you need him?” Hawke finishes stripping her armor off moves to her potions table quickly mixes what she needs.

“What are you doing?” Anders asks truly afraid she might try and kill herself still.

“Bleeding dream, you trust me to not kill you?” Hawke nods finishes making the potion at Arishok’s question.

“You can’t deal with the souls on that Hawke, don’t.” Anders takes a step towards her.

“I don’t want to, I just need sleep and this will give me that.”

“They are not hostages Hawke; they deserve to be turned loose.”

Hawke grips the table when she hears Justice laced in the voice. “I do not hold nice souls Justice, I hold the wicked and depraved by holding them they are actually in a better place than when Vengeance gets a hold of them and you know it.”

“He will not let you continue for much longer.”

“Stay out of it Justice!” Hawke takes the potion makes her way to the bed is asleep shortly.

“It merely knocks her out, there is no rest in those dreams for her, there is no peace and she needs it for all she is lost in it she needs it. If she is your mate, you must care for her. If she continues this path she will either be killed or kill herself, it’s harder every time to walk her off the ledge.”

“I will help her find her balance again Anders, we will help each other.” Anders leaves and Kata lays down with Hawke strokes her until she opens to him from her tightly balled position. It is hours later and he wakes, grabbing a knife from under her pillow when he senses the other person in the room.

“Arishok?” Fenris would know the smell anywhere regards the man tangled in the sheets with Hawke. She is sprawled across Arishok’s chest her hair fanning around them both he maneuvers her off of him gently. One of Hawke’s legs is uncovered showing acres of tanned and toned flesh as she stirs slightly stops when he hums gently strokes her speaking softly to her. “Rest Yassin, sleep.” Putting the knife back under the pillow Arishok makes his way to Fenris indicates for the man to move out of the bedroom.  
Anders comes out already dressed for the day with his pack in hand nods to both men as he heads down the stairs. “Hawke has a guild meeting today as well as the noble party she needs to go to. Isabella will be over tonight to get her ready for it. Kata, let her sleep as long as possible.”

“Come we will eat breakfast and you will explain why you are here and what happened to you Varric should be along shortly. We are supposed to be cleaning out the old mine seems some giant spiders have made nests in there. It can hold another couple of days if she is finally sleeping.”

“Isabella as in the thief?” Fenris nods as they head down the stairs into the kitchen and is pulling pans out as Arishok deals with the ones already in the sink. As Fenris makes eggs and bacon along with ham for them Arishok finds the fruit and cuts them up finds bread and cuts that up as well. Meal prepared they head to the table and consume it in silence each looking at the other but neither speaking. Varric comes in at the end of the meal watches both of them for a moment.

“Fenris when did we pick up a Qunari?”

“We didn’t, Hawke did his name is Kata.”

“Uh huh, okay where is Hawke?”

“Sleeping probably knocked herself out with a concoction so we’ve got till mid-morning to entertain ourselves.”

“You’ll have to hold out on the clean out then, won’t be enough time and for her to be back for the Guild meeting.” Fenris nods and passes the bread to Varric. “So Kata, how do you know Hawke?”

“Trained with her in the compound.” Varric makes a go on motion. “Let her explain or not as she decides.” Varric nods and smiles, “Smart man you’ll figure out the rules quickly. Have you already met Blondie?”

“Saarebas that stays here? Yes.”

“Name is actually Anders don’t spout Qunlat at her when you can stick to the common tongue. My name is Varric and you already met Fenris. Should meet the rest of the group eventually keep your mouth shut, stay out of Aveline’s blade range and you’ll be fine.”

“Why would I need to stay out of Aveline’s blade range is she an enemy of Hawke’s?”

Varric laughs at that takes another look at the man nearly drops his food before eyes darken in hate. “You! I knew your voice is familiar, what the hell Fenris? How could you allow him in here? Do you not know who that is?” Varric is reaching for his crossbow when a knife sinks into the table in front of him.

“You will not harm him Varric that is not Arishok any longer his name is Kata. Put Bianca up and sit back down.” Hawke has moved into the kitchen grabs the fruit on the table along with snagging a piece of bread. “Thank you Kata.” Hawke is wearing an off the shoulder top, has one of her shoulders covered the other is not.

“You mated them both?” Fenris is confused.

“I am Yassin, Arishok formally claimed me his life is mine Sten did it to keep me safe.”

“Arishok is rarely on the front lines unlike him by the Maker but he loved you.” Fenris shakes his head stands up to walk away. “I thought you’d never accept another after Sten.” Hawke doesn’t answer concentrates on eating.

“You only got a few hours of sleep Yassin, you need more rest.” If looks could kill Kata would be dead right now.

“Kata, you don’t get to tell anyone if I sleep or don’t. You don’t get to ask me about sleeping, eating, none of that is your business in front of anyone. My personal life is mine including who I sleep with or don’t unless it directly affects their life they don’t get to know it are we clear?” Varric and Fenris have both backed towards the door have both been on the receiving end of this conversation. “Accept Kata, think about our interactions, think how many times I asked or spoke about your personal life in front of anyone? Is this information valuable to the people that hear it, yes than share if not than shut up if it’s about me shut up. You only found out about my birthday because these two decided to give me gifts. You only know they exist because they were valuable to the situation that warranted it but can you tell me one personal thing about either of them?” He doesn’t say anything, he can’t she’s right. “Did you know my name was Tessa before last night?” He nods and Hawke raises an eyebrow.

“Karasaad reported that incident where you were berated by your mother and you ended up on the pole in a dress. I’d never call you that, you are not Tessa to me you are Yassin.”

Hawke nods, “But I never told you that information I guard my privacy for a reason, for all Sten and I were together these two are the only two that ever met him in or out of the compound. I was not ashamed of him, but nor would I put him in danger I have powerful enemies as you will know I’d never risk him. Silence is the name of my game, fall in line or leave those are your choices.”

“I didn’t even know you sang until you sang for Sten, did he know?” Hawke doesn’t answer raises an eyebrow again. “Right personal question, I will adjust.”

“While you are adjusting let’s get you armor and blades, do you think we have enough time to clean out the mines today or put it off until tomorrow Fenris?”

Fenris shrugs, “Tomorrow is fine, let’s get him settled and then you have the meeting and party escort or not?” Hawke shrugs as she finishes eating heads back upstairs for blades and armor. When she steps back out on her landing Fenris raises an eyebrow, 

“Champion armor? Did you get it adjusted finally?”

Hawke shrugs. “As well as it can be considering my lack of condition it still chaffs but it will do.”

“You don’t have blades for him in your arsenal Hawke?” Varric is watching her with Arishok notices the stand offishness with him, Sten made her open he makes her wary and careful.

“I don’t normally keep two-handers or even hand and half swords. Other than these and my backups I don’t have extra swords, too bulky for not enough coin to keep them in stock.” Hawke admits. “Daggers, I can make most people swoon but he’d be hell bent on trying to use one of those they are too small.” Hawke exits the cellar door sets the trap back continues into the alley and heads towards the black market.

“Decent armor for you now, we’ll replace it when you are back in form Fenris states headed towards the shop he likes.

“He is such a girl when it comes to armor.” Varric states of Fenris’ flitting about Arishok following him as he walks with her. “You okay?” Hawke glances at Varric, “I get to ask that dammit I have earned it.”

Hawke sighs, “I know, just ugh no I am not okay and I’m not going to be. Him here now, I accepted him in his role there but now? I swear he was put in my life just to fuck with my footing on where I am and where I want to be its like bam roadblock.” Varric laughs at that sees as she smiles.

“Roadblocks are there to make you question your path to give you a chance to choose another one. Perhaps that is what this one is doing Serrah Hawke.” That the voice comes out over the top of her head really messes with Hawke as she spins to see who the voice is and hits a large gray wall of flesh. “I am Brother Corbin; you smell of Arishok where is he?” He’s wearing plate armor and a two-hander as Hawke steps back from the man.

“Brother you are a member of the Chantry?” Hawke is backing into the shadows doesn’t need a fight in the middle of the market needs them to not see Arishok dares not look over her shoulder. Varric is moving with her refusing to leave her alone or he knows there is more than one.

“Tell us where he is Hawke and we won’t hurt you much.” Corbin smiles slightly herds her deeper into the shadows.

“He is not here Corbin; I have not seen or heard from Arishok since he left.”

“He is Arishok no longer merely Maraas and a dead man, he will come for you his little Yassin take her blades boys she smells of him she’s seen him.” Hawke is expecting hands on her back not the thunk of flesh to her face as Corbin hits her square in the jaw dropping her like a stone. Varric gets off a couple of shots manages to get out of the shadows is waved off. “Let him go, tell Arishok to come get her he’s got until sunset his life for hers he’ll be able to find her. Anyone else comes she dies.”

Varric backs away watches as Hawke is slung over a shoulder her hands and feet bound along with her mouth. “Well that’s going to piss her off a bit.”

“What is?” Fenris asks walking up Arishok in tow outfitted in armor and with blades.

“She was just kidnapped for ransom of your life Arishok a Brother Corbin said you’d know how to find her.”

“Then let us hunt.” Fenris starts off but Arishok stops him and shakes his head.

“No, she will get herself out of this if I try for her it will be forfeiting her life.”

“If I understand what you and her both said this morning she is already dead if you don’t she won’t live through losing you she won’t want to.”

“You are smarter than I thought elf.”

“I understand her more than you think.” Fenris counters.

“So after them or not?” Varric is caught between wanting to go after them or staying put.

“After them, hopefully she’ll wake up and join the fray then our odds will be what?”

“3 to 1 actually they were all Qunari as well.”

“Fantastic.” Fenris grouches as they head into the tunnel.

“If we catch them in the tunnel they won’t be able to pull weapons, not enough room.” Kata leads following his scent as it lays over Hawke’s. He should have truly marked her but he’d not thought they would be after him this soon a mistake he would not repeat. Farther in they hear grunts and a few curses.

“She woke up.” Fenris is smiling as he lights up his markings and wades in with fists.

“This should be fun; I’m shooting in the dark.” Varric grouses as he does shoot.

“Just aim high and don’t hit Kata.”

“Who is Kata?” one of the other Qunari asks blocking Hawke from stabbing him.

“What I am going to be to you for touching Yassin.” Blood sprays from the man’s throat as Kata tears it out. Hawke is grabbed backwards walked out of the fray feels a nick on her skin feels the poison racing to cease her struggles.

“Stop Yassin, there we go nice and quiet.” Teeth are on her neck worrying up and down little nips as they walk farther from the fight. She is powerless to stop to call out to anything but the bites on her skin his hand on her waist she can feel him and knows her own poison is being used on her and she smiles. Feels her body fighting.

“Fenris!”

“Wrong one Yassin, call to him.”

“Never,”

“No matter he won’t touch you in a moment.” Hawke is trying to fight knows what is intended doesn’t have her reactions enough as pants are ripped and a hand placed over her mouth as he sits inside her clamping down on her neck as he comes his scent is soaking her he is lost in his lust doesn’t notice Hawke is able to move manages to get enough leverage to slide the knife across his throat soaking her in his blood as she crawls away from him her strength and blood loss as he’s ripped at her throat making the dark find her.

“Hawke?”

“Dammit, this is really going to piss you off.”

“Varric get a cloak, we need to get her to Anders now.”

“Get her to the estate; she has enough souls to heal this.”

“Her throat’s nearly torn out Varric, she won’t make it.”

“Why aren’t you carrying her Kata?”

“He marked her, he can’t touch her until it’s off and no amount of baths is going to hurry it along ugh he even tastes bad.”

“It works on your too Fenris?”

“To a point, Sten and you for that matter both smell like cinnamon it gave me a headache to be too close to her but I could have touched her made the Qunari back right off though.”

“Hawke!” Noise why are they so damn loud? “Here put her here, damn what the hell did that?” Cool magic, healing and repairing. “That’ll hold her until she is in water, go now Varric she cannot be seen hurt.”

Hawke comes awake in water coughing and sputtering leaning forward as Fenris holds her up keeps her from getting out. “Stay in the damn water you aren’t healed yet.”

Hawke glares at him and laughs at the clothespin on his nose. “Do I smell that bad?” Fenris nods.

“She’s awake? Hand her this and have her drink it.” Varric backs into the bathroom.

“Dwarf you have seen every inch of my body turn around and tell me what that is who prepared it and why I am drinking it.”

Varric turns and laughs. “There are several inches of your skin I have not seen thankfully and I don’t want to Fenris hold her in the water!”

Hawke settles back down when she feels her skin tear, “Damn fucker tried to rip out my throat.” Hawke clamps a hand on the flesh lowers back into the water again.

“You have been in the water for two days now usually it takes hours why so long this time?” Hawke doesn’t answer.

“It’s buildup from not seeing Vengeance, he is making sure she doesn’t do this again yeah Justice filled me in on that shit what the hell Hawke!” Anders takes the potion and hands it to her. “Drink it, will purge anything he left behind in your system.”

Hawke sniffs it, “Blackthorn? Ugh why so much felendias?” Hawke looks at the potion twirling it.

“Drink it Yassin or I will make you.”

Hawke throws the dagger she grabs from the floor at him. “You are not in fucking charge here Kata! You get no say in what I do or do not do get that through your head. This is not your compound and I am not Karasaad. Why did you not tell me there would be people looking for you? You put me and my companions in danger Varric could have been killed who were those men why were they after you?”

He’d caught the dagger that flew at his head looked at it. “Last time you threw a dagger at my head I told you the next time I saw you I would have to kill you.”

Hawke indicates her neck, “You nearly did.” Hawke indicates the potion, “I can’t take this Anders, throwing up right now with my neck the way it is won’t be wise. Mix the fendelis with embrium and lover’s fern heat it just before it’s done add a couple slivers of deathroot.” Anders takes the potion heads to her table to mix the correct one. “Deathroot is in the third drawer down marked mandrake.” When Anders pokes his head in, “I ran out of mandrake and my container for the deathroot shattered I haven’t gotten around to replacing it.” Hawke waves him off without the lecture. 

“I had no idea they would be after me Yassin, I don’t know who they are or why they were after me.”

Hawke sighs again. “I have been in water for two days what have you been doing in that time?”

“Told you Kata.” Varric pats him.

“I cannot leave you injured.” He answered evenly not being able to come past the door.

“I get that but Varric or Fenris are fine to make sure I don’t drown, you sitting here doing nothing to see why, who, what does me no good. Once I am healed I will need to know who to hunt.”

Hawke is getting up pushes Fenris back when he would stop her. “Enough, I need to hunt, how many got away?”

“Three including Brother Corbin.” Fenris says softly handing her a towel.

Hawke looks at the red hand prints on her arms and the one on her thigh. “Anders can you heal the neck where it will stop bleeding? I’ll bargain with Vengeance later.”

Anders pops his head in hands her the potion. “I will if you drink this.” Hawke does grips the counter for a moment trying to breathe.

When Hawke sniffs at the bottle she is gasping and gripping the counter harder. “Out all of you now.” Anders is already clearing them out as Hawke lies on the floor wrapping her arms around herself.

Anders is back at the potions station mixing another opens the door and puts the potion on the floor within reach of her closing the door. “She'll be decent in a couple of hours, let's find out the information she wants.”

“Why would they hunt you?” Varric asks is answered with an eyebrow. “Did you recognize any of them? Would you recognize any of them?”

“Would you?” Kata counters.

“No, it was all dark as far as I could tell.”

“Which is why I am going to have to hunt them Fenris, you know what they smell like let's go.” Hawke is down the stairs.

“Not today, you have a guild meeting and you are not going in armor. You missed the last one you can't miss this one, another party tonight as well Isabella was cross you didn't go to the last one.” Varric is crossing his arms at her and glaring.

“Fine, I will hunt tonight after the damn party. Don't need an escort Fenris, Aveline is sending one according to the last message she sent.” Hawke waves at the stack as she heads back up the stairs. She is back down shortly dressed in a loose tunic and pants her feet in soft low boots her waist free of any daggers or knives. She is wearing bracers though.

“You would travel with no weapons?” Kata is surprised.

“No, I have weapons I am currently wearing 7, you can fantasize about where they are as I walk out the door to this boring meeting.”

“Why is she still going? Are you still trading with Par-Vollen?”

“Not your concern Kata, stay out of it.” Varric replies a bit roughly as he follows Hawke out the door. “Only 7 huh last meeting it was 9 what happened?”

“Too hot to wear that corset.” She's hidden the neck wound with a scarf the ends trailing behind her. 

“Did not need that image in my mind.”

“Then you shouldn't have asked.” Hawke purrs causing a flush to creep up Varric's cheeks.

“Shall we spar?” Fenris asks Kata who debates it. “I got her in shape I can work with you.”

“She's never even sparred against me Fenris, it isn't allowed.”

“Well I am so let's get you there.” Fenris walks with him out of the house to the back yard. When Fenris pulls out wooden swords Kata scoffs.

“Earn your steel against me and I will happily give it to you until then wood only.” Fenris hands him the two-handed swords.

“If I have both of these what are you going to use?”

“Hers.” Fenris picks up the replicas of Hawke's blades they are rough the handles not bone but the weight and balance is the same.

“You can dual wield?”

“Had to learn to get her back on her feet and give her the confidence she needed. She'll never be what she was, but it was what I could do.”

“She seems.”

“Darker, sadder, less in touch, just less in general yes she is. Sten was her happy ending and she lost that there is no darkness right now for her. Hawke lives in the shadows.”

“That is why she said her world was too bright, that her world without Sten was too bright.”

“I give her candles to give her a light in the darkness, when the shadows pull too hard when the blood of the many soaks her until she cannot see the light gives her something to focus on. With him dead the world has too many lights she can't figure out what   
to focus on.”

Both men strip to pants only the sun is already hot as Fenris dips the blades in chalk. Kata sets his blades against Fenris watches as the elf slides past him scoring a hit on his side a line of chalk marking the hit. Back and forth they go both taunting and giving tips. When Hawke and Varric return it’s to see both men covered in chalk and sweat. Varric studies the two together and sees the appeal of both, he would write Arishok as the rawest form of masculinity he has ever seen contained barely in the civility of a man well-read and master of his universe. Fenris is barely contained savagery and brutality, his a short leash whose owner is oft absent or uses him to contain the monster in herself. For all they share nothing in the bed now Fenris still considers Hawke his owner. Varric would never accuse Hawke of taking safe or even sane men to her bed, a warrior woman who desperately seeks a monster bigger and badder than the one in herself. These two both are and so long as they are pointed at appropriate targets their collateral damage is minimal. “Fenris are you using my swords?”

Fenris doesn't duck the blade coming at his head and Arishok has to check the swing shoves him away as Hawke is up and across the distance Fenris holds the blades out to her. “I was, he needed the two-handers and I have before. Why did you pick then to make the observation though you've been watching us for a bit?”

“She wanted to see if I would check my swing, if I would actually try to hurt you. You don't trust me Yassin.”

“We've already had that discussion; you've always considered him a rival for you both of you did. Didn't matter how many times I told you both he found me not worthy you both acted like a pair of dogs fighting over a bone. Fenris grab one of those blades and   
let me have the girls.” She’s stripped out of the top leaving her in her tank and corset.

“Tell yourself what you want Yassin, you are always worthy.” Fenris cuts off any retort she might have as he sets her blades to ringing withdrawing when she would come after him. His chuckle is answered by a gnashing of teeth as she comes at him again only to meet empty air.

“Fight me dammit.” Hawke is frustrated as again Fenris retreats leaving her swinging at nothing. “You run from me in battle.”

“Want me, come get me Hawke.” She does, several times as he uses his markings to stay just ahead of her until she is gasping for breath and gritting her teeth. “Catch your breath Hawke, focus. You know how I move; you know how I fight use the knowledge and stop swinging blind. Look at me Hawke, I'm right here.” He's caught her chin wills her to look at him to touch him but she won't.

When she would knock his hand away he is not there as she goes after him stops bows to him as Isabella comes around the corner. “Another time perhaps.” Turning she cleans the chalk off the blades puts them back in the small building.

“Time to get you all nobled up Hawke.” Isabella grabs her shoes and top sees Kata and stops. “Uh, who is the ox-man?”

“Kata, new companion we'll do more introductions when there is time.” Hawke heads back into the estate and to her room.

“I will never get tired of watching you enter the room in a dress Hawke.” Varric comments as Hawke smiles and shakes her head.

“Yassin, I should be with you.” Hawke shakes her head no again answers the door as a guard knocks on it.

“Your escort Serrah.” Donnic gives her a warm smile as she slides her hand onto his arm.

“Wow, Captain's husband escorting me shall we scandalize her or keep it civil?” Hawke winks at Donnic as he laughs at her antics.

“Keep it civil Serrah; I have to live with her.”

“True, I'll see her tomorrow anyways and I'd rather not sit through another meeting with her glaring at me.”

“Serrah you kissed me.”

“Varric dared me.”

“Don't even think about it.”

“Ruins all my fun I swear, have fun kids.”

Hawke is back in a couple of hours an indignant Aveline following her into the study walking over to the brandy there and pouring herself a glass. “Are you attached to this glass?”

“No why, shit Aveline!” Hawke ducks the glass ducks the book and moves away from the fireplace as it flares when the alcohol hits it.

“All you had to do was behave for a few hours! I get that you don't like the politics but you need to play nice with the nobility if you want to rule them.” Another book followed by another. “That is the point of this is it not? Pleasing the Princess indeed!” That one is thrown at her as well.

“Captain Aveline, why are you throwing books at Yassin?”

“Shit not now!” Hawke is between the two.

“You've got to be kidding me!” Aveline draws her sword. “How long has he been here? How long have you been hiding him from me?” Aveline is coming at Hawke blade waving.

“I haven't been hiding him; it’s been a busy couple of days!”

“You let him in here, after what he did to you to the city? Why Hawke? I watched as he left once I won't do it again.” Hawke has Sten's dagger out it’s the only one she has on her as she drops into fighting stance. “The fact you fight me with the blade you gave him is irony in its finest form, best turn that blade to its proper use and kill him with it.”

“I can't.”

“Then allow me.” Aveline is advancing again and Hawke is not moving.

“No Aveline, I can't kill him and neither can you. He's paid for what he did, look at him. Your revenge on him is complete with what has already happened.” Eyes assess the Captain as she looks at him takes in the lack of horns, the lack of him. Her blade is sheathed and she throws another book at Hawke this one titled Proper etiquette of a noble. “I will not allow them to nitpick me and my actions to death Aveline. I was never a push over and I won't start now, I swear Aveline throw another book at me and I will start throwing knives.” Aveline laughs at that, really laughs and then Hawke starts and the two women can't stop.

“I will never understand humans.” Kata gets up taking the book he was reading and scowling at them both before walking out of the study headed up the steps.

“You can't tell me you didn't enjoy seeing Madame Coulier drenched in that horrid wine she served!”

“I did but Hawke you need to play nice with these people we need to get Meredith off the throne and back in the tower where she belongs. Either way I will see you in the morning, don't be late to the meeting please.”

“Fine, good night Aveline.”

“I hope you know what you are doing Hawke.”

“Me too Aveline me too.”


	67. Explanations

Hawke climbs the steps shoes in hand knows it is just her and Kata in the house right now as she moves to her wardrobe and puts the dress up along with the shoes starts pulling on armor. “Are we hunting tonight?” Kata is pulling on armor as well.

“No I am hunting tonight.” Fenris is there buckling a strap and handing her a bracer.

“Do you still want me with you?”

“Yes, you know what they smell like and that is about the only thing I have right now. Get this back one please.”

“You're bleeding again.”

“I know Anders should be home shortly Vengeance is being a bastard.”

“Sleep then I will take Kata and hunt; if you are bleeding they will smell it will target it. You know I am right.” He's cupping her face waits as she weighs the options she still won't touch him her hands are to her sides her body almost arcing away from his contact.

Nodding barely he has her out of her armor shortly waits as she prepares for bed. “Happy hunting Fenris.”

“Shadows keep you Hawke.” Fenris doesn't look away as Kata hooks her close kisses her softly.

“I will be back before dawn Yassin.”

“Panahedan Kata.”

Hawke is asleep shortly after they leave not enough sleep or food along with the activities of the day taking their toll on her.

“You took your time coming back Hawke, on your knees.” Vengeance is hard with her his hands laying wounds open on her skin until she is a bloody broken mess but she does not beg for healing merely is quiet and takes it. “You will beg me to heal you Hawke. Never again will you hold souls for so long, never again will you deny me what is rightfully mine.”

“As you wish master.” She does not beg and he knows she won't as he does heal her. “Because I was wounded I was not allowed to hunt tonight, I would have had more souls.” That little bit of admonishment had earned her a hand print on the ribs.

“That one will stay for two days or 20 souls your choice.” Hawke nods as he walks away from her.

“Tessa.” Justice is to her doesn't touch her. Though there are no marks on her Hawke is still in massive amounts of pain. Vengeance heals her but he doesn't take the pain away, feeds off it as much as he does the souls.

“I don't need the I told you so lecture Justice, what time is it?”

“Dawn is becoming a promise.” Justice finally caresses a finger over her takes some of the pain, cannot take much as Anders does not have the fortitude Hawke does for it.

Hawke wakes carefully groans as everything hurts. She feels like she has been beaten within an inch of her life opens her eyes when her hand runs into a very solid form. “Yassin.”

“Kata.” Leaning over her he kisses her captures her moan as she opens for him fingers tangling in his hair moves to his neck and shoulders her body stiff and sore.

“I feel your pain Yassin.” He breaks the kiss holds still as she runs hands up onto the stubs of his horns. As Arishok he had the big horns each one the base of which was nearly half of his skull sweeping back behind him a full two feet before curling up. Below those were two smaller horns each the circumference of two fingers that fit at the base of the big horns curving down. His big horns had been removed almost to the skull the rough edges a blasphemy of the beautiful horns that were once there. His smaller horns had been removed completely the scars the only sign they existed at all.

“How was the hunt?” Hawke finally asks not getting up from the bed she can’t it’s too much pain. 

“Productive, still missing Corbin but the rest are dead. I need to mark you as mine.” 

“No, I need to get us there I am so confused on what is going on with you and me. I threw another dagger at you, I gave serious thought to attacking you on more than one occasion yesterday. We are not okay.” Grey eyes look at hers nods. Hawke looks at the light curses slightly as she carefully gets up she has a meeting with Aveline and pulls on another pair of loose pants and flowing top.

“It is strange seeing you here, it is odd not seeing you in armor.” Kata admits watches as she dresses. His eyes narrow when he realizes she is not wearing the necklace. “Why are you not wearing the necklace?”

Hawke shrugs and looks at him. “I told you that contract is null and void with you not being Arishok. It made me a target what once protected me seems to do the opposite now so I won’t wear it.”

“Yassin.”

She is shaking her head no, “Hawke Kata if you are not Arishok than I am not Yassin.” Deep sigh and a ticking jaw for that admission but he finally nods. “Plan for the day?”

He shrugs, “Recovery I am not in top form and I need to be so I will work on that.”

Hawke heads to the Hanged man when the meetings are over that evening sighing when nearly every eye is on her in the clothing she is wearing. “Pretty lady has no business in here, I can get you where you need to go.” One of the drunks gets up and reaches for her.

“Sit down and drink or loose the hand your choice Frank.”

“Hawke? Damn you clean up nice, my apologies.” Hawke inclines her head makes her way to the table with Varric.

“Too early for the group and you are missing your Qunari what’s up?”

Hawke walks to Varric’s bedroom lays on the bed when Varric indicates it, “I know you are in pain Hawke relax for a moment.”

“Arishok told Sten to not claim me, I had no idea what it was or why it mattered until after Sten and I had already hit it off. Someday, when it doesn’t hurt so much I’ll tell you all the details we had epic fights, and the makeup was awesome too. We’d been formally declared for about three weeks when he told me about claiming what it all meant. Even then he hid most of it, didn’t dare tell me all otherwise I wouldn’t have agreed to it. Stens and Arishok can do it that I know if others can I don’t know I’ve never heard it said. It’s a ritual with all the good bits of being something you shouldn’t do drunk which is what we did. It was a conversation they were having while we ate dinner I was preoccupied with my own language lesson Arishok was tired of me mangling the names of weapons. Sten kept filling my cup, made sure I wasn’t completely out of it just enough so inhibitions were questionable. Either way I ended up with Arishok and teeth, blood and words and I’d hooked myself to him.” Hawke looks at Varric’s face sees the dwarf hasn’t touched his drink.

“Did they share you?”

Hawke laughs at that, “Not after the ritual no you’ve met both of them do they look the type to share?”

Varric laughs at that,”No.”

“Ritual is a multi-day thing, once the initial part is done you can’t control anything it’s a spell of sorts an enchantment you crave each other and over time you can feel each other. It’s not mind reading he’s still as big a mystery as the first time I met him but very strong emotions I can pick up on. When one dies the other is plunged into madness you thought I was bad with Sten dead from what I know it would be epically bad with Arishok.”

“Do you have any feelings for him other than need to have sex?”

This is the reason for her visit, “I have genuine feelings for Arishok I just don’t know what they are.” Varric laughs at that. “I loved Sten, still love him Arishok and I were every once in a while he needed his itch to be scratched and I would need to make sure he was alive. Arishok and I are friends with benefits is what I’d call us. Sten?”

Hawke blushes and Varric smiles, “I know.”

“I told him we needed to figure us out. He’s never been the hearts and rainbows guy he’s never told me he cares for me or wants me anything other than sex and eventually kids.” When Varric raises an eyebrow Hawke waves him off. “I can’t explain, part of the reason I didn’t choose Arishok though that I chose Sten instead.” Hawke rubs teeth on her arms studies the wall for a moment.

“You are actually thinking of asking him to leave. You aren’t sure you want to work it out with him.”

Hawke nods, “I don’t want to replace Sten, I don’t want to fall in love with the man who killed my soul for that is what Sten was, my soul my light my sun. I miss him, I crave him and in the middle of it all is Arishok.”

“Doesn’t help he is also a huge weakness for you.”

“Which makes me want to keep him close.”

“Never would have pegged you for a romantic.”

That earns him rolling eyes. “I wasn’t until Sten, after we’d claimed each other on the beach.”

“How romantic.”

“In front of his men.”

“There’s my girl!”

“When I’d presented him with the matching daggers he actually did the whole one knee thing and asked me to marry him. I did ask him if he knew what he was asking. At some point in his Antaam career he spent several years on Seheron, it’s where he was born actually. He assured me that he understood and had contemplated rings, run into a problem with finding one to fit him and he knew I didn’t like things around my fingers for fighting purposes. Either way yeah we exchanged knives on the beach without an audience this time was very romantic. Then Bandits joined in the fun and it was perfect.”

Varric is laughing hard now. “Cause no engagement is perfect without blood and bandits right?”

Hawke nodded. “I can’t see Arishok ever trying any of that, just not who he is.”

“Do you want him to?”

“No. I want him to go away, I want to get my stuff done and miss Sten and maybe someday way in the future someone will come along that I want someone that doesn’t know that part of me that doesn’t evoke such strong must kill feelings in me at the same time of tear my clothes off and fuck the audience take me now.”

“Is there a way to break the bond without the death of one or the other? There has to be.”

Hawke shrugs, “My only source of Qunari mating rituals is not likely to tell his mate how to get away from him.” 

“That has to count for something Hawke, he could have chosen to not honor his commitment to you, could have stayed in the Qun and chosen another. He never hid you was never ashamed of you, not many men would willingly share.”

“That is the crux of the problem, for all his lack of hearts and flowers he does actually love me in the only way he can. He is here, he is trying and he is not making any excuses for what happened with the… attack.”

“Hawke.”

Varric opens the door to reveal Kata standing there who regards her in the bed and then the dwarf and then the bed. “Not interested Kata, she needed to lay down she’s in a lot of pain right now.” Kata snags a chair from the table brings it in and over to the bed and straddles it and regards her. Arms on the back of the chair it’s the most human thing she’s ever seen him do and Hawke is laughing.

“Pain yes, but you are…unbalanced Kost Hawke.”

“Explain this.” Varric makes a hand gesture between Hawke and Arishok.

“He’s a steady presence, when I do get something from the bond it’s usually when he’s pissed off or extremely turned on rest of the time he’s just kind of a wall.”

“She is chaotic, happy, sad, aroused, angry all of it at once and then nothing when she is fighting not a wall just nothing. I do not feel the feelings of others when she touches them only hers. She was steadier in the compound, sunlight and gentle breeze now it’s hurricane and scattered winds.”

“It’s distracting, it’s gotta be.” Varric surmises and he nods.

“I can’t find my balance, I can’t find my center my sun is gone. I can’t figure out how to focus it’s like someone took a bunch of mirror balls and rolled them across the ground. I want to chase them all and it’s too bright and I can’t see and I can’t” He is on the bed pulling her gently to him even as she fights, “No I don’t want you I hate you I can’t.” She is really fighting him, she’s struggling and he easily holds her keeps her hands from doing much damage until she stops realizes what she is feeling from him. “Oh, I’m sorry, I just.”

“You think I do not know what he was to you? You think I did not know what would happen with us when I killed him? Your grief nearly drove me mad Yassin, leaving you here was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do knowing what you would go through. If I had lost, if he had become Arishok, there were moments when we were fighting I knew he could get you through it, he would be able to bring you back from the madness but he was hell bent on protecting you he gambled you would survive his death wasn’t willing to risk you not surviving mine. I know what he was and I am still willing to try on us I just need you to try too, bend Yassin or you will break us both.”

“No one will harm you Arishok, I will not let them.” It was a banked response to any threat to him one Varric had heard before.

“They can’t but you can. You think you betray him.”

“Is there a way to break it without going insane? There has to be, if Sten would have beaten Kadan and won me how would have that worked?”

“He did not want to claim you Yassin, he only wanted a child from you breeding rights as it were.”

“You do that?” Varric is shocked.

“No, I do not, I pick Yassin only way to challenge for her is to challenge me she is mine alone to touch Yassin is to challenge me. Stens mates, those are a bit different. Different pairings among the Stens will be chosen for children, Sten can challenge the ruling as well. Like he doesn’t want her carrying that Sten’s child so he’ll challenge it is Sten’s choice to risk his mate to carry for all our advances we still lose too many to childbirth.”

“There is no way to break the bond is there?”

“There is, Ben-Hassrath have done it and will if it’s necessary but the risks are high and the option is not open to us neither of us are Qunari. Is that what you want?”

“I don’t know. “ Hawke is honest with him as she sits.

He lets out the breath he is holding keeps his hold light on Hawke. “Dinner and then home?” Hawke nods indicated for Varric to join them.

“Ah Hawke you are joining us then.” Merrill inclines her head moves down when she sees Kata to the other side of the table.

“Ah, time for you to meet the rest of the group it seems.” Varric waits until everyone is seated, food being passed along before he starts introducing everyone. “Aveline, Fenris, Anders, Isabella and Merrill this is Kata.”

“So Kata, are you joining us for the Mine clean out tomorrow?” Merrill asks sweetly her eyes watching Kata carefully though her hand flits to Anders for reassurance on one side and Fenris on the other side. Fenris offers the comfort she is looking for bumping her shoulder and smiling.

“I will if I’m needed, Hawke will let me know.” Hawke is picking at her food earning a glare from Fenris.

“Eat before I shove it down you.” Fenris growls earning a growl from Kata.

“Wait I know you, I’ve heard that voice before did you come from the compound here?” Isabella is leaning forward showing her assets while Kata just looks her in the eye.

“Yes.”

“Not going to offer more huh, I like men who are hard to get.”

That is met with a bark of laughter. “I am impossible for you thief cast your net elsewhere.”

“Oh now you’ve don’t it, Varric you aren’t going to take bets?” Merrill is surprised as Varric shakes his head no. 

“I belong to Hawke Merrill.”

Isabella lifts an eyebrow at that. “Wouldn’t be the first man I have won from her.”

“Sloppy seconds were always your style Isabella.” Anders smiles at the glare Fenris and Isabella both give him.

“First Sten and now this one, what is it about the ox-men that has you so hot and bothered, I’m tempted to try just to figure it out.”

Hawke levels a glare at Isabella and smiles, “Already bored with Qunari at the Blooming Rose? After he sent you that box of chocolates too he’ll be heartbroken.”

“How did you.”

“I didn’t, but you were ever predictable Isi. A man needs only three qualities to attract you, cock, coin and he’s expendable.”

“So is he?”

“Who what?”

“Kata, is he expendable?”

“As much as any of you are to me you decide.”

“Fenris, does that mean we are or not?” Merrill whispers.

“You are not, you are family Merrill rest of us probably.”

“Truly? You all feel like you are expendable to me that I would not mourn your loss that I would not fight for you? Am I required to stroke your egos as much as that?” Silence greets her. “I would not execute a contract against any of you, no amount of coin or favors anyone would offer me would be enough to tempt me to kill you. Is that not enough?”

“Ah she loves us!” Merrill bounces over to hug Hawke earning a smile from the woman.

“She does not love us.” Anders growls.

“She just said she won’t kill us for money, I’ll take it as what it is.” Fenris shrugs.

“Doesn’t mean she won’t kill us.” Isabella finally says causing Hawke to look at the pirate again.

“Really pushing tonight Rivani, I’d tread carefully considering.”

“Considering what? She fought and lost the right to punish me and you all crowded around her and wouldn’t let them take her but none of you stepped up for me.”

“Rivani.”

“Varric enough. What are you looking for Isabella? You lied to me for years about the relic, you stole it when I finally did find it.”

“I came back.”

“Yes you did after Arishok had attacked the city, after shit went way bad. I fought for you, even after you cost me what you did I still fought for you. I am sorry I was not good enough to beat Arishok, in all my time with the Qunari I was never allowed to spar   
him, never allowed to even watch him spar I would have loved to let you fight him for yourself. Besides, you got away and are here now taunting and baiting me about if I love you.” Hawke toasts Isabella, “No Isabella I do not love you, yes Isabella I would kill you and it’s days like this when you are being a bitch to me when you enjoy pushing my buttons that I find it damn hard to remember why I don’t kill you for your role in his death. I killed Varric’s brother but you are in luck and I am feeling merciful. Keep pushing and I won’t be.”

“I just can't understand after Sten, if you were ready why you would keep leading Fenris on? Can you not see he loves you, has for years and you push him away only to have him chase after you when you need something killed.”

“Leave me out of this Isabella.” Fenris reaches across the table grabs her arm.

“What the fuck has gotten into you Isi? You know I don't do this shit you know I don't do private business in the open what do you want?” Hawke is up and walking to Isabella.

“Fenris and I.”

“I am aware of what you two did, got a front row seat to that thanks.” Hawke has her arms crossed glaring at her.

“I..” Whatever she sees in Fenris' face has her finish her sentence differently. “I need your help with Castillon.”

“You purposely goad me and then ask for my help? Isi what do you need?” Hawke holds up a hand when Isabella would speak. “Let's head to the house, you can fill me in when we are there.” Hawke looks at the rest of the group. “You are welcome to come folks, we can drag in the extra chairs and play wicked grace if you want.”

“If we are hatching a plot on Isabella's behalf I'll bring some wine. Kata care to help me?” Fenris asks knows the discussion needs to happen before whatever Isabella said has a moment to ripen into rotten fruit.

“There is no need for explanation Fenris. I am aware of your feelings for Hawke it is plan to see on your face. I also know you let her go when she went with Sten, now you are friends there is nothing more.” Fenris arches an eyebrow as he hands a case of wine to Kata and grabs one himself. “If there was opportunity you would take it but there is not so you let her go. My question has always been why did you let her go in the first place?”

“Because I was a fool, because I was afraid and because she scared the shit outta me and she still does.”

Kata laughs at that, “She nurtures your fear of her, only now it is starting to bite her when you all realize you don't need to. You are all pushing against her wanting more from her and she has nothing to give you. She is not soft, she is not kind. She is...”

“Hawke, I know but it is our nature to want more. You could ask each of us 5 questions about her and we would all give different answers if any at all. She knows everything about us and we know nothing about her. Who taught her blades? How did she learn the lute? Why doesn't she sing more? How did she come to be in the service of a demon? What was her father's name? Where was she born? Varric and I are the only ones who know when her birthday is. None of us know anything personal about her and all of us have known her for years. Aveline's known her the longest since she actually came from Lothering with them but I guarantee if Aveline didn't tell us that she certainly wouldn't.”

“Why do you need more? Why can you not accept what she gives?”

“For the same reason you can't. She is a mystery and as much as we all say we love them we really hate them.”

Arriving back at Hawke's estate they are let in and Kata laughs at the group as Varric tries to explain the rules of Wicked Grace to Merrill again. Hawke is apart from the group watching but not participating and Kata walks to her debates reaching for her in front of them all. “Don't even think about it.” Hawke looks up at him moves away to the table to settle a dispute between Isabella and Anders about the nakedness of one of the Queens. “All right you lot settle down, Rivani what do you need help with or would you prefer a private audience?”

“Castillon is in town, I haven't been able to locate him but I have found Velasco who is his right hand man. I need to get him to tell us where Castillon is.”

“Dead or alive, if dead slow or fast and what am I getting out of this?” Hawke tilts her head to regard Isabella.

“Alive and I said us.”

“I heard you I just need to know what your plans for the target are and if I get to play or not.” Aveline had begged off planning whatever they were with a reminder she was a Guard now and plotting criminal activities was not a good place for the Captain to be.

“I have a plan, step one we go to Velasco. Step two something exciting happens. Step three, profit!”

“Why not use you as bait, Castillon wants you let Velasco take you.” Anders offers shrugging.

“Oh and you will follow to get me out of trouble?” Isabella is rolling her eyes at him.

“I won't let them kill you Isi, it's a good plan.” Hawke has her arms crossed regarding Isabella.

“You can't be serious!”

“I agree with Hawke, this plan works.” Varric nods and Isabella sighs.

“If I think you are in real danger I will kill Velasco and we'll come up with a different plan.” Hawke assures.

“Want to do this now or tomorrow?” Isabella asks and Hawke looks at the night sky.

“Tomorrow after the mine cleanup all hands on deck for that bit of fun. Meet up here for lunch and we'll head out. Now shall we play?” Hawke sits and waits as Varric deals her in.

Late into the night when most are slightly intoxicated they stumble out into their own homes. “I'll get Daisy home.” Varric slides a hand around the mage as she wobbles a bit.

“Wait did I miss something dirty, I always miss it and I think I would like it.” Merrill is slurring and Fenris chuckles.

“No Merrill you did not, here lean on me a bit and I'll get you home. Varric see if you can steer Isabella to her bed she's less drunk than this one.”

Varric nods smiles as Isabella looks at his chest. “I'll let you run your fingers through it if you come with me.”

“Your chest hair, my fingers oh Varric stop you're making me quiver.”

“You know you want to.” Varric purrs as he backs towards the door.

“Oh I do, you know I can't resist you no woman can.”

“I know it's a terrible burden but someone needs to carry it.” Varric leads Isabella out the door teasing her with glimpses and strokes of the chest hair.

“Your companions are interesting.” Kata finally says when the door is closed and Hawke is getting ready for bed. She doesn't answer and he looks at the screen where she is before she finally comes out and heads to the bed her fingers working lotion into her   
skin. “Let me, I don't know how you are still standing when you are feeling so much pain.” Hawke hands him the lotion as he smells it he nods, “Vanilla, elfroot, ebrium I do not recognize the last one.”

“Crystal's Grace, lovely plant really gives a slight tingle feeling to the lotion that warms and relaxes the muscles.” Kata starts on her feet his fingers working the lotion his touch light as she sighs in content. “How are you doing? It's been an interesting couple of days and it's not like you've had a lot of time to adjust.”

“Do not concern yourself with me Hawke.”

“You lost everything, I accused you of making me lose everything but you really did. You lost more than I did, you lost everyone you ever knew what of Healer.”

“Don't, do not push this Hawke.”

“It takes two for a relationship to work Kata.”

“Enough.”

He's over the top of her now as she has her back to him laying on her front as he worked the lotion in. His claws have dug into the back of her thigh his other around her neck. “Eventually you will talk to me about it?”

“Yes but not now and not tonight, I need you will you allow it?”

“I get a choice?” Hawke is truly surprised looks over her shoulder at him at the look on his face.

“You thought you didn't? Did you think I would force you?”

Hawke is silent for a moment as his fingers continue their task. “No I don't think you would force me.”

“But you thought you don't have a choice?” Hawke doesn't answer her muscles tense not willing to answer. “I work off of what you give me Hawke, the way your skin glows the way your nipples harden, the way your breath catches all overlaid with your scent. I can't figure out how your mind works but your body is easy to read and please.” He dips his head to neck runs a tongue from ear to shoulder than traces kisses across her shoulders. Her body reacts a soft moan escaping her lips.

“You always have a choice Hawke, bade me stop and I will. But do not tease me, I am to see to every single one of your needs and if your body tells me it wants than I shall see to it.” Her body is already screaming for him as with every word he's kissing and licking her back his hips fit with hers pressing and insistent. Her mew of need as he runs a claw to remove her small clothes has him moaning as fingers dive in trace up to have her lifting her hips to pushing against him. He is gentle knows the pain her body is in as she flushes with desire her body sucking his fingers and shuddering even as she digs fingers into the bed in a flash of pain.

“Don't stop.” He does though withdrawing his fingers after kissing her shoulder and continues the lotion. When he turns her over she is still flushed with need and his lips dip to kiss her as hands trace against his chest his fingers trace inside her again causing a moan as she opens to him his tongue dueling with hers even as she is arching to have more contact with him needs to touch his skin to feel her body rubbing against him the contact soothing both as his lips trace down laving gently over her breasts sitting back on his heels pulling her onto him and into his lap his length stretching her groans at how tight she always is making his fingers gentle as they hold her his hips thrusting her thighs tight against him.

“Yassin, yes.” He is over her again keeping his weight off of her legs wrapped around him keeping him close keeping him in control to not slam into her. Fingers trace his face and neck stay away from ears and hair.

“Arishok.” Her breathy mantra of his name what he was pushes them both over him following her as he places his forehead on the pillow next to her hiding his face from her. “Damn but we are good together.” He chuckles at that kisses her as he eases out of her feeling her wince.

“I should not have done that.” Her turn to chuckle to catch his face to draw him back to her.

“We got issues outside of the bed but at least here we are okay. I needed it as much as you did, I always want to rub as much of me against you as possible.” Even as she says this she is doing it and he accommodates pulling her gently on top of him both of them falling asleep quickly.

“Okay you know how this works, split up keep the map where you can find it meet up in the big rooms.” Hawke hands a map to Fenris, and Aveline keeps the third for herself. “Aveline, Kata Varric go left, Fenris Isabella and Anders go right, Merrill, Donnic and I will head down the middle. Do not forget to set the corpses on fire we don't want baby spiders in a few weeks. If you run into any kind of Dragon backtrack to the last big room and we will come to you. Clear?” Everyone nods and heads into the caves.

“Should we tell her?” Anders asks as Fenris and Isabella finish killing a group of spiders.

“Tell me what?”

“Hawke’s choice on that if she hasn’t figured it out than that is her problem.”

“Figured what out?” Isabella is looking between the two trying to figure out what they are talking about. “So are you working with Kata to get him in shape? How is he?”

“Don’t touch that one Isabella, he’s not interested.”

“He’s male of course he’s interested.”

“Did you ever meet Sten?”

Fenris wades into the next group of spiders causing no answer to Anders for a bit. “Yes, several times, he was a good man.”

Isabella huffs, “Why is it everyone got to meet this Sten but me?”

Anders shakes his head no, “I never met him Isabella I found out about him same time you did.”

Isabella crosses her arms and then pulls Anders out of the way as a smaller spiders come at him. “She was with him for over a year and none of us knew he existed how is that possible?”

“You hid your involvement with the Qunari for years how is that possible?” Anders counters.

“You didn’t notice she was happy? You didn’t notice she went to the compound all the time?” Fenris asks and Isabella shakes her head no.

“I thought she and you had worked out your issues.” Anders admits and Fenris laughs at that. 

“Anders I slept with Hawke and told her she wasn’t good enough since then I can count on both hands the number of times she has touched me. Also fucked her best friend and got caught at it. I fucked that up and I’ll never get it back.”

“Explains why Justice hates you so much.” Anders sighs.

“Wait she told Justice?” Fenris looks at Anders questions everywhere.

“Yes but he won’t tell me what happened, I get parts of it like a dream but whatever she tells him I can’t remember or access.”

“Back to me, what don’t I know that you two do about the ox-man?” Isabella asks making it into the next large chamber. Aveline, Kata and Varric are there resting for a moment

“She doesn’t know?” Aveline asks and Varric shakes his head no. “Does she need the information?” Aveline asks and Varric shrugs.

“Wait you two know as well, am I the only one that doesn’t know?” Isabella is peeved and it is hilarious to the rest of them. Kata doesn’t say anything merely takes the free time to clean his weapons he misses his axes but these are good quality. Isabella walks up to Kata narrowing her eyes and not seeing it. “Wait are you Sten? Is that why you are living with her? I thought Arishok killed him, but if you are Sten that would make sense.”

“I am many things thief but Sten I am not.” Kata regards her with malice now.

“What were you before you left the Qun?”

“I was many things thief, now I am Kata and with Hawke and that is what matters.” He stands up putting his weapons up as Isabella goes to lay a hand on his chest said hand yanks back when there is a knife that almost hits it as Hawke backs Isabella up with two more knives before her hands on Isabella’s throat taking the woman down to the floor her knees blocking Isabella’s arms.

“I tire of you throwing knives at me Hawke.” Kata is holding the offending object in his hand.

“Maybe I keep challenging you hoping you’ll actually do something about it.” Jaw clenches as Hawke turns her attention back to Isabella.

“Keep your hands off of what is mine Isabella. I will not ask again.”

“What is he to you?”

“I don’t know yet but you cannot have him.” Hawke is off of her picks blades up.

“Telling me I cannot have something is just inviting me to take it.”

“Is it worth your life?”

“What?”

“Him, is he worth your life?”

“You would kill me?”

“Pull a blade and let’s find out.” Eyes look over at Kata again and she does walk towards him.

“Rivani no.” Varric is heading towards her.

“If you are that important to her I will say this. Hurt her and I will kill you.”

“Same thief, same.” Kata inclines his head to her.

“Awe, this is why our little group works a few death threats and we’re friends again.” Merrill smiles as she says this. Varric laughs hard enough to sputter out the water he was drinking.

“This group is never dull, I doubt my wife’s sanity when she volunteers for these but it’s not boring.” Donnic hands said wife some water smiles at the scowl she offers him.

“Ready for the next set of tunnels?” Aveline asks and gets nods. 

“Groups work or do you want to switch it up?” Hawke asks. “Switch you Merrill for Varric?” Merrill nods as does Varric. “Donnic you want to go with Aveline I get it, killing things with your wife is very fun.”  
Donnic shakes his head no “I’d not leave you short a warrior.”

Hawke shrugs, “Varric and I can handle a few spiders.”

“Angling for alone time with me eh Hawke, could have just asked.”

“Hawke no.” Kata clenches his teeth when she glares at him.

“Walked right into that one big guy, good luck with that.”

“Kadan.”

“Let’s go folks Varric Donnic?”

Kata catches Fenris’ look when Hawke is gone. “I know elf, I am aware of my mistake.”

“Kadan? Little presumptuous don’t you think?” Isabella asks.

“How would you know that?” Fenris asks.

“My mother is viddathari.”

“You are Qunari?” Kata is shocked.

“No, she converted I did not she sold me into marriage Qunari came to our village and she converted. I was already at sea, haven’t spoken much to her since but I know a smattering of it and I know that word.”  
Fenris points to the tunnels, “Let’s go we are almost done.”

“How is Carver Merrill is he taking to the elvin well?” Aveline asks swinging her blade to block a spider.

“He is, it helps he has an elvin warden with him now.”

“Good, I know it’s hard with him gone but he still loves you.”

“How did you deal with the separation from Wesley?”

Aveline smiles at that. “He was a Templar of a circle his job rather dull, I was a soldier and he probably worried about me more than I him.”

“You were a soldier?” Kata is curious.

“Yes served in King Cailan’s army I was there at Ostagar when it went so wrong.”

“That is where you met Hawke?”

Aveline shakes her head no. “I know she was on the field, so was Carver and Bethany her siblings but on a battlefield everyone blends in together. Met her when she was leading her family to safety. We would not have even gotten into the city without her.”

“Aveline, I think Hawke needs help.” Merrill is walking quicker.

“Why?”

“Because the big chamber is next and I can hear blades.”

Spider that greets them is huge as Hawke ducks and dives keeping the monster’s attention Donnic working on one of its legs. Varric is shooting, as they enter more spiders drop from the ceiling surrounding Aveline, Kata and Merrill. “Aveline get over here I need to get up.” Hawke yells as Aveline clears a path to Hawke as Kata uses his axes like scythes doing the same. Merrill has cast her rock form on herself her spells making some of the spiders explode. Anders arrives with a bit of flames Isabella seeing Hawke jump up on top of the spider and start to cut through its head. With the whole group work on the spider it finally screams when Hawke manages to get to the brain screaming as the blood burns her along with the concentrated poison some of which drips on Isabella causing the pirate to scream as well Fenris pulls her out of the falling monster’s body.

“Isi? Anders!” Merrill is running to her. 

“Go Anders, I am fine give me a minute.” Hawke is working through her bottles finds the one she wants hands it to Merrill, “Give her that and put this on the burn it’ll neutralize it.” Merrill nods does as bade. Kata is washing the poison off of Hawke’s hands keeping her jaw clenched. “Aveline get my blade please hopefully it has something left.”

“They are elvin steel Hawke, they will be fine.” Varric hands them over to Aveline who starts to clean them off.

“How did you warrant elvin steel Hawke?” Donnic is impressed.

“Won them in a bet.” Hawke smiles at that particular memory.

“From who? I know you grew up in Lothering who would warrant such blades there?” Aveline is curious,

“No one, he was passing through a drifter and a decent blade-smith, taught me how to play the lute.”

Fenris laughs at this, “A blade-smith taught you how to play the lute?”

Hawke shrugs, “he was Orlesian he certainly wasn’t going to teach a girl blades.”

“What was the bet?” Varric asks curious now.

“That I wouldn’t kill him for trying to bed my sister she was 14 said if I won the dual I could have my sister and the blades. I killed him and took both.” Hawke stands up waits as Kata puts her blades up her hands aren’t working well yet. “Isabella how you doing hun?’ Hawke leans down to the pirate.

“Good, your shit is awesome.” Hawke smiles at that.

“Could have told me it had lyrium in it.” Anders admonishes.

“Made the healing easier didn’t it?” he nods.

“I’ll get you in a sec, Isabella do you mind a scar?”

“Heal her fully Anders, we need not mar the perfection that is Isabella’s skin.”

Isabella bates eyes at Hawke, “See times like this when I think I could really fall in love with you.”

Hawke sighs dramatically, “You wound me oh beauty of the seas I who love you and will write horrible poetry involving plucked birds and heart worms to you cannot get so much as a kiss.”

“Oh is that all you want cmere Hawke.” Isabella pulls her close kisses her Hawke opens under the ask of Isabella's tongue pulls back at Isabella’s moan.

“I love being me on occasion.” Varric smiles as Isabella blushes.

“So am I the only one that hasn’t kissed Hawke?” Aveline asks.

“I don’t think Donnic has, surely he wouldn’t he’s your husband.” Merrill looks at Donnic and Varric who are laughing at Aveline’s scowl. “Hawke really!”

“It was a bet, Varric put me up to it.” Hawke smiles. She gets up and walks over to Aveline, “I’ll happily kiss you Aveline just say the word.”

“Oh no, I’m good only lips I want on mine are my husbands.”

Hawke shrugs, “Your loss, I happen to be an excellent kisser.”

“She really is.” Isabella confirms as she looks at the leg sees there is no scar. “Ruined the boots damn.”

“No worries thigh highs, this loot will get you a few more pair.” Hawke is over to the goods in the cave waits as Varric and Isabella paw through it. “Grab what you want Isabella, Varric sell the rest split the profits let’s get out of here Anders can you set that thing on fire or do you need help?”

Anders waves a hand and the spider lights up. “Let me see your hands and let’s see if we can get them working.” Hawke sits still as Anders weaves his magic Hawke reaches out to Kata who runs his finger down her arm. It’s one of those blink and you miss it gestures but it’s enough to have Hawke relaxing her shoulders to release her jaw that is aching with how much she is trying to not scream. Kata knows the tease with Isabella was to keep the pirate's mind on something other than her injuries, that Hawke had ignored her own to make sure the woman was healed and not marked.

“Why did it matter if Isabella scarred?” Fenris asks as Anders works on her hands.

“Isabella’s form is studies in perfection no need to mar it when we can heal her cleanly. Besides I thought you might appreciate the fact she’s not marked. Go tend your woman Fenris.”

“She is not mine.”

Hawke snorts at that earning a scowl from Anders. “Why not? You can bed her without pain, she adores you and she makes you smile. She talks a good game but she always comes back to you. You thought I fought Arishok for her on my behalf? I didn’t want you to lose her she is yours take her.”

Fenris shakes his head. “Hawke.”

“Don’t Fen, not interested we done Anders?”

“As much as I can for now.” Anders nods and Fenris moves away. “Never would have picked you for a match Maker.” Anders finally comments.

“I’m not but he needs to hear it.” When they get back to the first big chamber Hawke applies the healing salve she gave Isabella onto her hands and Kata frowns.

“Hawke this shit is awesome, you should sell it I love it.” Isabella is dancing across the cavern her steps light and airy. Hawke sits between Kata’s legs rubs against him as he stays still.

“He makes you look tiny Hawke never thought I would see the day.” Aveline observes the two. “So the shit makes Isabella a giggly idiot and it makes you?”

“Awee Hawke wants to snuggle.” Merrill watches their leader as she puts Kata’s arms around her. When she nips under his chin Kata clenches his teeth against the moan that would slip out. Hawke’s not horny she just wants to rub against every inch of him.

“Stop Hawke, control Yassin.” Hawke’s answer is a nip right under his ear and he can’t control the way his arms tighten around her the way he nuzzles her neck taking a steadying breath when he remembers their audience. “Home Hawke, let’s get home.” He moves away from her sees her pout.

When Isabella walks over to Hawke she rubs over her, “Love this perfume on you not sure where you found it.”

“Am I the only man here that really really wants to see how far they’ll go before they come to their senses?” Varric asks as Hawke ghosts hands over Isabella. Isabella is tiny compared to Hawke coming up to her shoulder her dark hair and skin making her a fair resemblance to Hawke to pass as sisters.

“I am not going to answer that but we need to stop them, neither will appreciate this when they do come to their senses.” Kata walks to the pair pulls Hawke back drops his head to hers, “Yassin attend me.” Hawke reaches up but he corrals her hands kisses her temple. “Home Yassin, let’s go.” Hawke shakes her head pulls a jar out sniffs it and then moves to Isabella who is pulling her close again even as Hawke runs the liquid under Isabella’s nose making her wrinkle it and back off.

“What is that?” Isabella waves it away again steps back as Hawke puts the top back on stashes it in her pouch.

“Bronto piss.”

“Why would you carry that?”

“Horny still?”

“No.”

“Tada.”

“Varric, you are blushing did we make Bianca jealous?” Isabella is walking to the man smiling seductively.

“Yes and gave me plenty of ideas too.”

“Folks we still have Blooming Rose to deal with.” Hawke reminds them earns a collective whine. “No rest for the wicked.” Headed to the Blooming rose Hawke, and Isabella head in while the rest stay in the courtyard Donnic and Aveline having headed home.

“When we get in there we need to make this believable he wants to take me to Castillon and we need to make sure that happens.” Hawke nods quickly binds Isabella’s hands and pushes her in front as they enter the room.

“Ah Champion, and you brought Isabella Castillon is going to be very happy to see you. “Why are you handing her over Champion you did fight for her.”

“Castillon contacted me before the fight, told me if I delivered him Isabella he’d make it worth my while. Fight got me what I wanted which was fame and now it’s time to finish the contract.”  
Valesco nods, “Castillon is cold but you are harder than even him. To trade your companion like cattle.”

“She’s the one that caused so much grief, pay me and I will be on my way I have other duties tonight. Unless you care for me to entertain Castillon?”

He’s walked up to her now is smart enough not to touch her, “I wonder what it would take to have you entertain me for the night?”

“Make it worth my while and I might consider it, I am not free tonight but next time you are in port let me know I’ll see what I can do.” Valesco presses the purse into her hand takes a whiff of her as she turns to leave.

“You bitch! You really would turn me over.” Hawke cold cocks Isabella watching as the woman crumple to the floor. “She’s much prettier when she is quiet agreed?” Valesco nods has the two other men follow him as a third droops Isabella over his shoulder   
smacking her ass in the process.

Hawke walks down the steps with Valesco and out of the Rose headed in the opposite direction he is. Hawke rounds the corner and scales the building looking to see where Fenris is heads to him. “You’re sure they went in here?” Varric asks as Hawke drops off the building into Kata’s arms Fenris nods. Entering quietly Hawke stretches her senses signals Fenris over to her.

“Take Varric and Anders and provide a distraction Merrill you are with me Kata see if you can find and get Isabella out of here.” When Hawke sees Isabella she signals Kata back over again. “Varric there is an office at the end of this hall let’s see if we can find some juicy secrets. Kata go with Fenris and Anders you get to be distraction.” Hawke waits as the groups get into position walks out to see Valesco and Castillon.

“I told you she wouldn’t let the companion go, you don’t fight an Arishok and then hand over the woman no matter the contract.”

“You know I would never take a contract on one of my own, you however are not so scrupulous, Valesco, the money you handed me for Isabella was actually for you to die tonight.”

“You lied to me! Why would I believe you now?”

“I was truthful in my account of the events of Castillon and I’s contract I didn’t tell you if I had accepted it. I did accept the one on you but I am feeling merciful, I will give you the coin and him if you like or I can take the coin and kill him for you. I have no contract with Isabella for his life you good man are in charge.” Castillon thinks to grab Isabella turns to see she is not available as she is standing with the others behind him.

“Hawke I want his ship.” Isabella states and Hawke nods.

“Why not an agreement, Castillon dies, Valesco runs that part and Isabella gets the ship win win.” Varric asks. Varric holds up the documents, “Then again we could leave him alive and use the documents against him.”

“I don’t want to kill Castillon that kind of heat is not a good thing.” Valesco states and Isabella shakes her head no as well.

“Really no one wants him dead? Okay Isabella what do you want?”

“I want the ship and the documents, his word he leaves me alone from now on.”

“I just want to get out of this alive; if he didn’t threaten to kill me I’d be hurt.”

“Castillon you are the owner of that contract, money is here what do you want?”

“Feeling like a genie yet Hawke?” Anders asks causing her to laugh a bit.

“I don’t get it what is a genie?”

“I’ll explain later daisy.” Varric assures.

“I want my ship, him dead, her as my hostage and you out of my life.”

“Nice I’ll grant 50% of it.” Hawke’s throwing knife finds Valesco’s throat. “Have a nice night.” Hawke turns to leave watches Castillon’s face smiles as Valesco’s soul finds her snuggling deep. Varric hands the documents to Isabella as the pirate heads to collect her ship and the rest of them split to go their separate ways.

“Hands okay Hawke?” Anders asks and she nods, “Long day get some rest.”

Hawke tosses the coin from Castillon to Varric who catches it smiles. “Your contract, it belongs to you.”

Hawke sighs, “I know drop it in the estate I need a tub that can fit him.” Hawke indicates Kata with a thumb.

“Serrah Hawke.” Anders and Merrill aren’t with them they’d stopped at the Hanged Man with Fenris.

“Templars, what can I do for you tonight?”

“Knight Captain Meredith has ordered that you be brought to her immediately.”

“No.”

“I’m sorry what?”

“I said no. I will see Meredith in the morning I have had enough for one day.”

“Serrah.”

Hawke tosses them coin. “Go to the Hanged Man have some drinks tell her you couldn’t find me tonight and I’ll show up in the morning. Unless it’s worth your life you’ll take the coin and leave.”

“Serrah, is that a threat?”

“Not worth it Thomas, let’s go.”

Hawke nods, “Keren nice to see you.”

“You as well Serrah.”

“You know the Champion she knows you by name?”

Hawke shakes her head as the men disappear. “Where was I? Yes new tub also want a new bed without a foot board headboard is fine.”

Varric nods, “Anything else?”

Hawke looks at Kata who shakes his head no. “I’ll get the rest later thank you Varric.”

“Get some rest Hawke you miraculously are off tomorrow.”

Hawke arches an eyebrow at that, “I’ll take it.” Once inside Hawke realizes how hungry she is makes her way to the kitchen pulling meat, bread and fruit. Making sandwiches she passes them to Kata who eats with her quietly.

Hawke climbs the steps strips quickly and is in the tub shortly clean she waits for Kata but ends up falling asleep on the bed. “Sleep Yassin.” He curls around her thoughts chasing through his head.


	68. Mage Hunts

Next morning Kata is watching her sleep nudges her a little hears her moan smiles as she runs nails on his chest. “Wake Yassin.” 

“Not Yassin.” 

“In our home you are, you still call me Arishok in bed I will call you Yassin fair?” 

“Fair, somehow calling out for death in the throes of sex just doesn't work for me.” He kisses her has her call him whatever she wants. “Knight-Captain Meredith, ugh I do not like that woman but I did say I would go see her.” Hawke is dressed in armor watches Kata as he moves around the kitchen. 

“There is a chance she might recognize him you might not take him with you.” Varric catches the gray eyes both turn on him. 

“Fine, care to come visit her with me?” Varric shrugs as Fenris walks in grabs a piece of bread out of his fingers moves to help Kata with the food. 

“I had no idea Arishok's cooked.” Hawke is surprised as she eats her fruit. 

“It has been a while but yes, do you?” Kata takes a gamble she would respond. 

“We tend to not let the woman that knows so much about poisons prepare our food.” Varric winks as he says it even as Hawke scowls at him. 

“Probably a good idea and certainly something for me to remember.” Kata looks over his shoulder at Hawke. “No dagger, progress!” 

“Wait are you teasing her? You are actually teasing her, brave man. Never thought I would see the day either.” Varric ducks the dagger that comes at his head sniffs indignantly. 

“Off to see the Knight-Commander Fenris, you want to come or stay and spar with Kata?” 

“Take him with you.” 

“As you wish.” Hawke automatically responds nodding her head. 

Walking into the Gallows is always sobering, statues display various sufferings of slaves though mages wander around freely going about their business some of the tranquil selling their wares in the courtyard. Hawke always walks over to a certain herbalist his tasks for strange and rare ingredients having kept her and group busy on occasion. Solivitus winks at Hawke as she approaches taking the herbs she passes him and she takes the recipe he passes her. “Been working on your request, should burn hotter and slower as requested. If you find any more ah you are a gem you knew I was out of spider's silk.” 

“I have quite a bit of the stuff actually, trade you more for a better recipe on this. I know you've been working on a balm for them and my attempts have been bad.” 

Solivitus is a balding mage his brown eyes warm and inviting as he reads the request he arches an eyebrow at her. “So the Qunari you've been seen with is a companion. My apologies Serrah, I know better than to spread the gossip but when it finds me.” 

“Better to share with the one it is about than to keep it secret, kind of hard to hide a 7ft tall man anyways to be honest. Yes he is a companion, name is Kata. Horn balm is for him though if you get a decent recipe out of it you would likely make a good profit from the proceeds of it.” 

“I'll send what I mix up to the house when its ready. Since Bodhan is not there it's been a bit more difficult to reach you.” 

“You can always drop it at the house there is a lock box there no one would mess with it.” He nods and they part ways heading into the offices. 

“Champion, I see you have deigned to grace me with your presence.” Meredith is at her desk though at her entrance she stands. Blonde hair is uncovered today though she does wear the armor of her station the Templar's sword blazing on her chest at her two-hander peeks over her shoulder. 

“Always a pleasure to see you too Knight-Commander, how can the Champion help you.” 

“I need your help; there was an incident within the Gallows. A number of phylacteries were destroyed and several mages took the opportunity to escape.” She motions Hawke and group to follow her out of her office into another part of the keep. “We've recovered most of the fugitives. However, I require your assistance in tracking down the last three.”

“I will force no mage back to the yoke of your rule.” 

“Let me be very clear on this matter than, you operate with several apostates that are tolerated because of their relationship with you as protector of the city. If I suspect that is no longer the case, then I may decide your status needs to change.” 

Varric looks like he might say something and she silences him with a hand. “Threats aren't going to work.”

“I am not threatening you, I am asking you to justify the confidence Kirkwall has granted you.” She paces away from them turns back to Hawke. “With the influence you wield in this city, Champion, it is crucial you understand just what we face.” Meredith is the same height as Hawke walks closer to her arms at her side eyes pleading. “Talk to these mage's families, investigate for yourself whether they need to be recaptured.”

“You aren't afraid of what I'll do?” 

“I hope you'll do the right thing. You do not approve of my methods, but perhaps you will change your mind when you see firsthand how dangerous these apostates are.”

“What would it take to change your mind?” Hawke asks though Meredith waves off the question.   
“Speak to my assistant Elsa. She can tell you whatever you need to know about the fugitives. I bid you good day Champion.”

Fenris makes his way over to Elsa knows Hawke needs a moment to deal with the anger and fear she is feeling. “Good day, you must be Fenris. Knight-Commander Meredith has informed me that you will be tracking down the apostates on behalf of the Templars. There are three of them: Huon, Emile and Evelina.” 

“Let's start with Huon.” Varric asks and Elsa nods at him. 

“Huon is an elf, he was apprehended in the alienage ten years ago. His wife Nyssa works for a dressmaker in LowTown” Hawke can never stand to look in the Tranquil's eyes the fact Elsa is one doesn't settle her. It's like looking into a mirror there is no life behind those blue eyes and the sunburst mark on her forehead declaring her a Tranquil does not help things either. 

“Second apostate is Emile de Lancet, fifth son of the Comte de Launcet.” 

“Out of Hightown, some of our more vocal and delicate nobility. They are home in the evenings authoring complaints.” Varric sniggers causing Hawke to smile. “What about our third guest?”

“Evelina was trained for eight years in the Circle of Ferelden. She was last seen in her former residence among the refugee community in Darktown”

“Thank you for the information Elsa.” 

“Good luck on your search Champion of Kirkwall” 

“Ferelden Circle, isn't Curly from there?” Varric asks as they leave. 

“Captain Cullen? Yes, I'll talk to him about Evelina see if I can't get a gauge on what we are up against.” 

“You aren't thinking of letting these mages go are you Hawke?” Fenris paces behind her as they weave through the keep looking for Cullen. “How do you know where you are going? Have you been here before?” Fenris notices Hawke seems very familiar with the interior of the Templars homes that none of the Templars seem excited to see her. 

“Yes, now Cullen should be in his office or out on the practice field.” Hawke turns down a hall stops and knocks on the door. 

“Enter.” Is the reply and Hawke does walking over to the desk to gaze down at him. 

“Hawke, how can I help you?” 

“Meredith has me tracking down apostates for her, one of the names came up that she is from Ferelden I thought it worth a shot you knew of her.” 

“Evelina, yes I know of her I was there for her Harrowing. Not a great mage but no slouch either do you want me with you when you hunt these? My skills might come in handy.” Cullen leans back from the desk gold eyes meet gray for a moment before he looks away. 

“Let me do some recon and I might take you up on that offer. She threatened my mages if she doesn't get these three. I am not willing to trade anyone's freedoms, there are some pretty dark rumors going on around here.”

“I am aware.” Cullen stands up walks to the window that overlooks the courtyard. “I know you think us wrong for what we do but I have personally seen what can happen.” 

“I have too, I don't agree with all of it but I do agree on some things. If these mages are dangerous I will kill them, if they need more training I will bring them here if however.” 

“Do not confide in me Hawke, I am no friend certainly no companion of yours I am a Templar and my Commanding Officer has given you a task. I highly recommend you accomplish it. Let me know if I can be of assistance.” His dismissal is evident but Hawke tries one more time. 

“Know the actions I take I do for the city, do not stand against me Cullen we are allies.” 

That is met with a chuckle, “We shall see Hawke, happy hunting.” 

“Maker guide your steps for you walk in his light always.” 

“Holy words from a Heathen lover wonders never do cease.” 

“Call me that again and I will happily send you to meet your god.” 

“Now we're back where we should be, until next time.” 

“What was that about?” Varric asks once the door is closed. 

“She is plotting who to put on the throne after Meredith, he is a good choice Hawke but I do not see the passion of a leader more a malleable follower.” Fenris holds the door open for Hawke as they leave into the courtyard. 

“Even better.” Varric responds as two Templars step in front of them. 

“Serrah, Meredith has ordered Fenris to stay here.” 

“Why?” 

“To ensure your cooperation Champion, he stays until the task is done. I was hoping for one of your apostates but you didn't bring one.” 

“It would not be wise for him to stay Meredith.” 

“His markings are lyrium I am well aware of what his hide is marked with, I chose him for a reason.” 

“You know I will not part with him Meredith, I told you in your office I would not put anyone into your yoke and I meant it.” 

“Hawke wait, Knight-Commander what are the terms of this deal?” Hawke has her hand on his arm it is not on his skin thankfully but his markings react all the same to her. It causes her to release him like she was burned. 

“Bring me the mages or proof of their death and I will release him back to you. Let even one of them go and I keep him.” 

Fenris takes off his blade hands it to her, “You can do this Hawke. There is nothing she can do to me that has not already been done.” 

“Meredith, if he is not in the exact same condition as when I walked into here I will do everything you did to him for twice as long and garner twice as much pain. Do you understand?” 

“I do, bargain well struck Champion. Fenris if you will follow me.” 

“I will make sure Isabella does not try to free you if I have to tie her to the bed myself.” 

“I am sure Varric can't wait for that show, I will be okay Hawke. Go so you may return.” He wants to touch her but knows better walks away with the Templars. 

“Got thoughts on how to handle this?” Varric asks when they are finally free of the Gallows.

“I do, gather everyone at the house now. She wants to take hostages let's make sure Fenris is the only one she grabs.” Varric nods starts to move off when Hawke shakes her head no. “Stay with me Varric, I really don't trust her.” 

They head to secure Aveline first already being near the Viscount's Keep. “Hawke I can have the rest of your group escorted to you if needed.” 

“No, I don't want to give her any fodder but I needed you to know what was going on and also to ask your help with dealing with this Emile since he's nobility.” Aveline nods and leave with them. 

Isabella is cooperative as is Merrill finally they grab Anders and then head into the house. When Hawke has them all together she looks at the group and tells them what is going on. 

“That bitch! You can't let her get away with this.” Anders is furious. 

“Anders, Merrill come with me please.” Hawke takes them into her study and shuts the door. “Anders I need you to hide, take Merrill with you don't tell me where you are going but you need to go now.” 

“I'd not have you facing mages without help Hawke.” 

“I am actually going to take Cullen up on his offer and bring him along. But I need you and her safe, come back in a couple of days I'll leave a red feather on your desk if it's safe.” Anders nods hugs her along with Merrill and he is gone with her in tow. 

“Where are they going?” Isabella asks curious. 

“Don't worry about it Rivani you got a plan for the rest of us?” Varric asks watching Hawke pace looks to see if Fenris will calm her down remembers the elf is not with them. 

“Kost Yassin, ash aqun.” Kata is to her pulling her to him to calm her down. “Need you to calm down so I can think you are distracting.” 

Hawke breathes deep glances at Varric. “Since we have Aveline with us let's go deal with the noble first, can you and Isabella do some recon on the elf? Stay in pairs. Kata you are with me. Meet back here by sunset.” Everyone nods and heads off to their tasks.

“Comte and Comtess are not here Serrah, you will have to come back this evening.” Hawke nods goes with Aveline back to the barracks and swings by the Gallows seeing Cullen out in the Courtyard. 

“Hawke, here to take me up on the offer? I heard about Fenris, he is with Meredith she's not letting him out of her sight.” 

“Maybe my promise actually got through to her. Yes care to join me we are headed to LowTown, this is Kata I am sure you know Varric.” 

“Kata, pleasure Saarebas ah no warrior sorry the horns.” Cullen shakes his hand heads with the group into the tunnels. 

“I get it a lot.” 

“They think you wield magic?” Hawke is curious about this. 

“Yes, usually only Saarebas have their horns removed as I do. It's not normal for warriors to have it done.” 

“I have more questions for later.” Kata nods assent as Hawke walks with him. 

“Hawke, good timing. Huon's wife has seen him, he was acting strange and promised to come see her tonight.” Varric nods to Cullen. 

“Okay I can't get to the noble either until tonight let's see if we can ferret out Evelina in the meantime. Varric.” 

He holds his hand up, “I'm with you Hawke let's get this done.”

Headed down to Darktown they see two boys playing and Isabella approaches them. “Hey got a copper for whoever can tell me the location of a friend. I need to get her out of here, got a boat just need her.” 

“Who are you looking for? Names Walter by the way.” He's young, making his way through puberty with the ever changing voice but the body of a man. 

“Evelina, she and I go way back.” Isabella smiles winningly.

“Evelina found us when the darkspawn came, when our parents died. She made sure we got to Kirkwall safely. But when she went to join the circle here they called her apostate for leaving the tower in Ferelden they locked her up.”

“Tell me where she is and I can help her.” Walter doesn't stand a chance at resisting Isabella.

“No one can help her, the Templars made Evelina angry they made her change.” He shakes his head at Isabella now. “It wasn't her fault! When it was over, she was ashamed. She ran into the tunnels and hid.”

There is another little boy, red hair that walks up. “You can't go there she'll know we told you and she'll be angry at us.”

“It'll be okay.” Older one says. 

“No we have to hide!” younger boy starts running away.

“Cricket! You have to find him.” Walter is grabbing and pulling Isabella which causes Hawke and group to follow. 

“Hawke.” Cullen stops her for a moment. 

“Templar senses tingling?” Hawke asks already sensing the shades and demons. 

“Yes.” Cullen nods and takes his blade out seeing the rest of the group take weapons out as well.

They are met with rage demons and shades. “Hawke careful!” Kata pushes her out of the way of a flame trap grits his teeth as the flames sear him. 

“Fireproof hide? I love it.” Hawke runs a hand over him winks at Kata. 

“Spike trap, this should be fun.” Cullen approaches it warily. 

“Trigger is over there, I can't see you getting there Varric.” Cullen states looking back at Hawke. 

“You're fantasizing about throwing me aren't you?” Hawke crosses her arms and looks at Kata. 

“Maybe.” Kata confirms. 

“There is no way you can throw her that far.” Cullen is shaking his head no. 

“5 silver says he can.” Varric winks. 

“5 silver says he can toss me over there but not Hawke sorry darling I think you are too.” 

“Long-legged? I will pretend you said that. Kata, toss her over there I don't want to be impaled.” 

“Oh but it's fine for AHHH!” Kata had picked her up and tossed her making her land against the wall with the trigger. Isabella is giving Kata death stares as she gets the trigger turned off.

“Walter? Cricket what are you doing down here?” Isabella is running to the kids. 

“We thought if we warned her she wouldn't be angry.” 

“Walter? There you are. Don't run from me Walter you know those are the rules.” Evelina is walking towards them her brown hair straggly her eyes bloodshot. 

“Evelina, Templars are here to help you if you will let us.” Cullen steps forward though backs up when Evelina walks towards Hawke. 

“You play the hero well but I see through it. You're Ferelden, like us, but you feast on sweetmeats while your people starve in the Undercity.” She starts to tremble as Hawke stands her ground blades out. “I spit on you traitor and on the pathetic Templars that sent you.” 

“Abomination incoming, spread out.” Cullen charges the abomination being swatted away as Kata jumps in as well. 

“Shades as well, lovely kids come to me.” Varric pulls the boys behind him as he shoots another volley. 

“You won't hurt her!” Walter is jumping to defend Isabella from a shade. Isabella knocks him away barely in time to get to the shade. 

“Isabella can take care of herself lad stay with me.” Varric gets him out of the way as Cullen finally downs Evelina. 

“I don't understand, Evelina loved us. She saves us, why would she try to hurt us now?” Walter walks closer to the body. 

“Evelina would never hurt you, child. That was a demon. Remember her as she was, a brave kind and loving woman.” Cullen walks towards them. 

“I'll try.” Walter keeps a hand on Cricket.

“Take some coin and get the kids some food, come see me when you need more.” Hawke hands over a purse. 

“Thank you Serrah, I won't forget this.” 

“Everyone okay?” Varric looks and sees everyone is fine. 

“Alienage or nobility?” Isabella asks as they head out of Darktown 

“Alienage, we don't have a set time as to when Huon will be back.” Heading to the alienage Hawke walks with Kata dropping back behind everyone. 

“I am not hurt Hawke.” Hawke shakes her head no runs a hand down his arm as he pulls her into an alley. “You worry for Fenris, he will be okay.” 

“I can't think of that right now I need to stop these mages first.” Hawke is walking out of the alley catching up with the other group quickly as they enter.

“Come to me, hush love. Don't be afraid.” Huon is holding her close whispering in her ear and Hawke knows there is no way to get to her in time. “She was so beautiful.” Blood swirls around him as shades come out. 

“What is it with elves and blood magic?” Varric complains as he shoots bolts. 

It is a long fight but Cullen finally takes Huon's head. “That was an unneeded sacrifice.” Cullen goes to the woman and gives her last rights. 

“Time for nobility.” Hawke sees Aveline and heads towards her. 

“Ah you ready for the Comte and Comtess?” Hawke nods. 

“Think we better handle this one Cullen, we don't want them to be offended.” Aveline walks up to the door and Cullen nods. 

Hawke, Aveline and Varric walk in to see a man standing with his eyes closed. Suddenly he stepped away and there was a red headed woman very beautiful. “Good evening Comtess.” 

“Oh! The Champion of Kirkwall! This is marvelous. You honor this household.” Showing them into the next room. “I shall call for refreshments.” Aveline, Hawke and Varric take seats in the parlor. 

“Talia!” Waving to the manservant who nods she nods at them. “She is so slow, this girl. Come let us chat while we wait.”

“Thank you for your hospitality Comtess. I need to speak with you about Emile.” the Comtess preens for a moment is silent as refreshments are served.

“I haven't seen Emile since he was taken to the Circle. He was just six.” Hawke would love to put her hand on the Comtess is trying to figure out if the woman is lying or not. “You can tell the Templars not to worry. I'm sure Emile will turn himself in soon he's a good boy.”

“Dulci!” A man comes in, he's blonde and a fair match for the Comtess in looks. Hawke guesses it must be the Comte. “What have you done? You should have told they boy to throw himself on the mercy of the Templars!”

“Guillaume, darling...” Comtess' voice has reached that distressed octave that makes Varric wince.

“Don't darling me Dulci! He's been telling people he's our son that you gave him gold!” 

“Guillaume, darling...we have guests!” Comte is almost in her face, he is furious.

Taking in the Comte's gaze Hawke tries to look less threatening knows it doesn't help she has the Captain of the guard with her. “I am your son's best chance for mercy from the Templars.”

“Mercy? They wouldn't really hurt him, would they? Oh you should've seen his face, it just broke my heart!” Hawke stands places a hand on the Comtess for comfort as Aveline arches an eyebrow at the display. “I gave him money, not too much he said he wanted to start a new life.”

“New life? His new life is spent in LowTown taverns, getting drunk on cheap wine. It's a wonder the Templars haven't found him yet.” Comte looks to Hawke again. “Emile is not a blood mage, just a foolish boy don't let the Templars kill him.”

Comtess is up and into Comte's arms. “Oh Darling, don't say blood magic not Emile! Please save my son's life Champion you must!”

“An acquaintance saw Emile at the Hanged Man not long ago, he is probably still there.”

Hand to forehead nearly in a swoon, “The Hanged Man? But that place is filthy!”

“Calm Dulci, perhaps you should lie down.” Comte leads her away as Hawke looks at Varric. 

“Oh but the Hanged Man is so filthy!” He laughs his voice a perfect imitation of the Comtess.

“Orlesians!” Aveline shakes her head as the manservant comes towards them to show them out.

Hawke rubs her head a bit as she gets out to Kata, Cullen and Isabella. “I truly hate dealing with nobility.” 

“Last mage, let's get this over with.” Cullen sighs. 

“Hey at least we get to drink for this one.” Varric smiles as they enter the tavern. 

“There is Emile Hawke, want me to handle it?” Cullen indicates a man lying on the table his hair the same color as the Comtess his facial features much like the Comte's. 

“I got this Cullen, if he goes all abomination on us in here let's get the drunkards out first.” Cullen nods as Hawke approaches the table. “Emile de Lucent?” Hawke approaches carefully. 

Emile seems to wake shaking his head as he looks up at Hawke. “Wow, are you a mage? Cause you just magicked my breath away.”

“You need more practice with women.” Hawke smiles slightly. 

“Can I practice on you? In private?” He's bracing his hand on his chin his gaze lecherously attached to her chest. 

“Easy Kata, she's not interested.” Varric places a hand on the man's chest.

“I didn't say anything.” Kata replies looking at the man. 

“You were growling.” Isabella smiles and winks as she says this. “Promise she can handle a drunk mage.” 

“So long as he doesn't touch her he lives.” Kata still has his arms crossed. 

“Round of drinks on me, my name is Emile who are you?” 

“Feeling very sorry for you. I'm also helping the Templars hunt a mage name Emile de Launcet and here you are!”

“Ah buggery! I know what this is about I...I'm not a blood mage, all right?” His graceful exit from the chair has him stumbling his hands land on Hawke's breasts to steady himself. Hawke takes his hands off of her pushes him slightly to land against the wall. “I uh, started that rumor because I thought it would make me sound dangerous and suave.” Varric is laughing at this point earns a glare from Emile. 

“I was taken when I was six, I've been locked up for 20 years never had a real drink or cooked something for myself. Never stood in the rain or kissed a girl...” Hawke backs away a little not willing to chance the drunk getting any ideas. “I just wanted to live a little.” 

Hawke looks to Isabella, “Want a help a man out here?” 

“Hawke, I do just fine without you he's repulsive.” Isabella is shaking her head no. 

“Did you really just want to get out of the circle to kiss a girl?” Hawke is curious now though sees Kata take a step forward. “Kost Kata, I am not offering.” It's spoken in Qunlat quietly knowing he'll hear it even over the din of the tavern. 

“Well no, I have read you can do so much more. I just don't want to die a virgin!” Hawke nods at this. 

“Just give me this one night and you can drag me back to the tower in chains.” 

“Easy tiger leave the chains to the professionals.” Isabella winks at him. 

“Huh?” 

“Oh he's precious do we drag him to the Rose or let him have fun here?” Isabella is at Hawke's side wrapping an arm around her. 

“Nellie this is Emile, take your time see you afterwards.” Cullen brings the girl over watches as Emile watches the girl. “Keep control of your magic at all times get too excited and blow a hole in something I'll kill you fair?” Emile is nodding as Nellie takes him upstairs. 

“I never would have picked you for the type Curly.” 

“To let a man get laid before he's dragged back to the circle because that is where he will land.” Cullen shakes his head at Hawke. “I know you think to let him free but you will not, Meredith will kill Fenris if you don't do as she asks.”

“By letting her control me now I am setting her up for later.” 

“She outplayed you this time just don't let her do it again.” Varric indicates the table as they sit and have drinks. 

“Be that as it may Cullen and I will take Emile back to the Circle rest of you I thank you for the help.” Kata is shaking his head no.

“Leave it big guy, trust me on this.” Varric states pressing a drink into Kata's hands. 

When Emile comes down a few hours later Hawke is still there along with Cullen and Kata. “That was utterly worth it back to the Templars.” Hawke waits for Nellie to appear before getting up. “You do not trust me?” 

“I trust no one, drink this while we walk it'll help your head clear and keep you from having a hangover in the morning.” Hawke passes the skin to the man leads him out with Cullen. When they get to the Gallows the Templars let Cullen and Hawke in. 

“Hour is late Champion Knight-Commander has already retired for the night.” 

“That is fine, but Fenris comes with me now. Our agreement has been settled.” 

“You only brought back one mage.” Templar indicates Emile. 

“Bodies of the other two came in as well Thomas. I was there when the Champion dealt with the mages you will release Fenris to her now.” 

“Ser we can't she has him with her.” 

“Take me to him now.” Hawke has blades out mild panic chases her as she tries to calm herself. 

Templar leads Hawke at sword point through the Complex to Meredith's chambers. “I'll handle this Hawke.” Cullen steps to block the way and Hawke nods. Now is not the time to kill Meredith certainly not here and now. She has Fenris' blade with her it's weight heavy against her back. Stepping into the room Hawke can hear Cullen's voice and then Meredith's. 

Cullen steps out first his stance to block her from entering noticed as Fenris comes out armor in hand. Hawke's eyes slide over him quickly assessing damage before sliding away. “I am well Hawke, let us leave this place.” Armor is quickly buckled and blade is handed over.

“She will see you in the morning Champion, good night.” Cullen walks with them out to the courtyard and then to the gate. “Thank you for your help in this matter Hawke, you did a great deed for the Templars today.” Hawke can't answer she's too conflicted as they walk away. 

“Fenris.” 

“Do not Hawke, I will not speak of it and you will not ask. On another note I agree with Anders, she has become unstable and her death would help a great deal.” 

“No worries Fenris, her death warrant was sealed the moment she laid a finger on you, now the how and the why are what I am working on.” 

He grabs her arm before they enter the Hanged Man, “Do not take vengeance for me Hawke there is none needed. She is very powerful and very well connected I would caution you when you do attack her.” 

“I should have offered myself to her.” Fenris laughs low at this. 

“That would have played into her hands and gone badly for the both of us. Mages are dead and I am free it is a good night.” Hawke nods as they enter the tavern Fenris going to Isabella while Hawke indicates Kata to follow her back out of the Tavern. 

“He is well?” Kata asks when they are home. 

“No but there is nothing I can do about it right now. He will not speak of it and I will not ask it is how we best operate. I do have to see her in the morning and I will be taking Fenris with me, you however will not be going near that woman.” 

“You cannot lock me away like a treasure Yassin.” 

“True but I won't risk you landing in her clutches and her figuring out she can use you against me.” He is kissing her now removing her armor.

Entering the Hall the next morning Hawke is on guard as she has brought Aveline, Fenris and Varric with her. On occasion it's nice to have the Captain of the guard there to protect her citizens. “I am to believe that both Huon and Evelina are dead. Unfortunate but necessary.” Eyes travel over Fenris making Hawke itch to step in front of him. “I would have Emile executed immediately but wondered if you thought he was dangerous?” 

“Only to himself.” 

“Very well, Emile will keep his life, though I will watch him closely.” Meredith inclines her head. 

“This is the Templar's fault. If you hadn't separated Huon from his wife she might be alive, if you'd let Evelina see the children she might still be alive.” Hawke needs to make this woman understand. 

“There are maybes enough to fill half the graves in Kirkwall, I will not add more to the pile.” Meredith has her hands braced on her desk her back to them before she takes a deep breath and turns to them. 

“Enough, I do not have the time or patience to argue with you leave now.” Hawke does headed to the house to see Kata there. 

“Enough leaving me here Yassin, use me or I will be forced to drastic measures.” Hawke glares at him as Varric and Fenris follow into the house. 

“I cannot risk you!” Hawke is standing in full fury in front of him. He is looking down at her his rage just as palpable. 

“You are just as much a risk as I am Yassin. You and I both know this is two way, you cannot hold me here in this house and hope I will stay.” 

“I am not the one that herded all of the damn nobility into one room and started taking heads!” 

“I am not the one that chose to be a noble and live among them. You want to rule them than do, you continue to do pointless tasks for the bas in this city and they still treat you like shit.” 

“If that is the way you feel I am not holding you here, you are welcome to leave there is the door know if that is your choice I will never let you in again. I regret letting you back in.” She's spun on her heel glaring at both Fenris and Varric as she leaves out the door not slamming it but closing it quietly. 

“More trying than a Par-Vollen winter Fenris spar?” 

“You're not going after her?” Varric is confused. 

“No, best to let her come back on her own. Chasing her tends to get you injured.” He is walking to the backyard picks up the wood. 

“Hawke does not like complications, she does not like weaknesses.” Fenris indicates for Kata to attack him easily parries the blows away. 

“I am both, so is she to me though which pisses her off more.” 

“She would die before she allowed someone or something to hurt you.” Fenris attacks with his blades. 

“That pisses her off the most.” Kata states sending Fenris sprawling with his next attack.

“Either way don't let this fester, she will be worse.” 

“Do not presume to tell me how to handle my mate Varric.” Kata is on his ass as he looks at Varric in admonishment. 

She'd not returned that night, nor the next day. That afternoon she finally does come in and stays away from him denying to touch him or talk to him. Their both frustrated and he cannot figure out how to fix this.


	69. Picnic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Smut

“Hawke why are we out here?” Kata asks as he arrives to see her with a basket and a blanket near the tree. Waves are crashing into the rocks, they are on a bluff the Qunari used for exercise and where Hawke liked to ambush the men as they ran. 

“I would ask you the same Kata.” He’s in a slightly foul mood having caught another dagger she had thrown at him. He’d inquired if she had enjoyed the kiss she had shared with Isabella in front of Fenris. He's been trying to get anything out of her hadn't planned on a dagger. She looks at the basket and at him her jaw tight as she puts it together. “We have been set up by a meddling dwarf.” 

“Set up?” Kata is confused as he approaches the basket and her. 

“Indeed, you are supposed to give me these.” Hawke indicates the flowers opens the basket to find most of her favorite foods in it along with a flagon of wine and water. 

“Why would I give you flowers?” Kata sniffs them and sneezes. 

“Because Varric wants us to work, he wants me happy and he’s trying to get me there by dragging you with me.” 

“You accept me in your life, you accept me in your bed what else is there?” 

“I told Varric I wasn’t sure if I wanted you here, if I wanted you in my life and in my bed.” 

“Why would you tell him these things but throw knives at me for the same questions?” 

“Good question.” Patient he is very patient as he watches her work through it or try. “What do you want from me?” Hawke finally asks. “We are not in the compound, I am no longer Yassin I understood my place there in the compound well mostly but now what do you want?” 

He is silent as Hawke pulls food out selects food for him and puts it on the plate, it’s such a domestic task even dressed in her blades as she is he has to watch her. In the days he has lived with her she has reverted back to getting his tea in the morning, making sure his armor and weapons are cleaned and repaired makes sure his food is brought to him and their quarters are clean. She goes about her tasks as needed making sure he knows when she will be back and making sure he does not need her it is a comfort and it is maddening. She accepts him on the terms they had when they were in the compound, she doesn’t seek him for comfort or sex but willingly accepts both if he gives it. Does he want more and if so what? 

“Not sure either huh?” He shakes his head no. 

“I do know I am ill suited to the current tasks I am doing. Sparring with Fenris, following you to deal with things, not what I am trained to do.” 

“I know which is why I want to start talking to you more about the problems of the city I am seeing help me figure out how to make it better.” 

He is shaking his head no, “I am no diplomat Hawke.” 

“You are just you tend to conquer or kill the opposition and I need that mindset. I want to conquer the diplomats, I would love to kill a few of them but I can’t. You are good at evaluating people and making them do their best for you.” 

“So are you. Besides I cannot attend these meeting with you.” 

Hawke nods at this, “True and the comments they make about my ability to tame you piss me off.” 

“There are those in Par-Vollen that think you have corrupted me, same thing really. I accused you of being my downfall and that is not true, my downfall was my own fault. My task of finding the book brought me here but I could have easily conquered this city and sifted through the rubble for the book.” 

“Why didn’t you?” 

“You intrigued me, there were many that sought enlightenment and I thought to convert those I could. Besides Arigena and Ariqun did not want to conquer this city yet did not want war.” Hawke shrugs at this 

“With Alistair newly a king, Orlais making political maneuvers and the Free Marches have never been untied it would have probably worked.” 

“All things I brought up but was denied.” 

“We don’t always have the meetings in the viscounts’ offices and if they accept Fenris as my bodyguard they will accept you.” 

“Will you tolerate their jabs at me?” 

“Should be a learning experience for us all. I have eliminated any that would recognize you as Arishok. I cannot guarantee what they would do if they figured that tidbit out, can’t guarantee what I would do if they made issue out of it.” 

“I would not allow them to harm you.” 

“Was Sten the only one that had a problem with you attacking the city?” 

“No but when Sten fell they did as asked.” 

“He told them to follow you, to protect you no matter what.” 

“He gave his life for you, took the Qunari death but it was for you.” 

“I would have done the same.” 

“You would do it for me.” 

“None will harm you, I will never allow it.” 

“Same Yassin, same.” He’s reached over the spare inches between them and pulled her to him kissing her needing to taste her to feel her. “I need you, I want you. I will not leave you even if you order to me to. My place is at your side your place is at mine, together we are stronger Yassin. You want to rule we will figure out how to do that.” It is the declaration of love she was looking for as she divests him of weapons and armor food forgotten as he worships her body. She is always surprised how gentle he can be how much she needs this gentleness from him when so often they both want war. His ability to coax both battle cries and soft sighs from her as she does the same to him. 

“Varric is going to take all the credit for this.” She grouses as she lays on his chest her nakedness covered by him and part of the blanket. 

“Will you stop throwing daggers at me?” 

She moves gently remind him she is still on him causing a purr. “I’ll work on it.” She moves off of him starts to get dressed again, “I have a meeting this afternoon memorial planning for those killed in the attack. Mercedes squashed the parade plans but I am sure there will be some displays.” She is putting away the basket but he does not need to see her face to know what she thinks of those displays. 

“Why does it bother you?” 

“They celebrate a victory that is not theirs, there was no victory. I did not drive you out, you chose to leave. I did not defeat you in battle you knocked me out when your enemy walks off the battlefield that is not victory.” 

“You would have preferred I killed you that day.” 

“I would prefer you kill me any day.” She looks over her shoulder at him, “I shouldn’t say that I will not again.” 

“You would still rather die than live?” 

“I love you until my last breath, may that breath be one minute shorter than yours. I told that to Healer once, I meant it then and I mean it now.” 

“I am not the one you were speaking of then.” 

“You are not now either. I accept you, I accept your terms of what you want this to be. We are stronger together.” 

“Will it be enough to make you happy?” 

“Is it for you?” 

He waves the question off. “Stop trying to please me, you are worthy of me you are always worthy Yassin. You pull and twist yourself in different directions to make everyone else happy but yourself. Take for yourself.” 

“I did and you killed him.” He has no retort for that, there isn’t one. She’d dared to take what she wanted, she’d dared to be happy and he had yanked it away. Fenris was right, she would never be what she was, she would never be whole again and she certainly wouldn’t reach for what she wants. “You would not rather be dead? You are Tal-Vashoth, that most hated thing to you is what you are now.” 

“No I do not wish I was dead.” 

“Why?” 

“You.” 

“What do I have to do with if you want to die or not?” She’s furious and confused. 

“My death would plunge you into madness, I would not willingly hurt you more than I have already. I did not lose everything when I lost the Qun, I gained everything I wanted which was you.” 

Hawke’s got nothing for that she’s really just overwhelmed and sits where she was standing a moment and cries. “Yassin?” When he would try and comfort her she retreats, her back to him as she disappears over the horizon. Grabbing the basket he heads back to the city trying to figure out what she is feeling what he said wrong. 

“Kata?” Varric greets takes the basket as he studies the man. 

“Did it go well?” 

Kata debates talking to the dwarf, knows Hawke talks to him figures the damage might be worth the advice. “I thought it was and then she ran away crying.” 

“What did you tell her?” When Varric would abandon the basket and head to the door Kata stops him. 

“Let her be, she needs to sort this out I need to figure out what I did wrong.” Kata tells him what led up to the runaway part and Varric chuckles. 

“She told you she still wants to die and you told her you were good cause you got your happy ending.” 

“We are not done there is no ending yet.” 

“Figure of speech, she had her happy ending you took it now you admit she is your happy ending and she freaks out.” 

“So she is happy?” Varric shrugs. “I think it’s easier to make sure she doesn’t die.” 

“Probably.” 

“Oh picnic, want company?” Isabella rounds the corner walks to Varric. 

“Okay Isabella I am going to help you out here, picture Kata with horns, really impressive ones and wearing earrings.” 

Isabella looks at Kata and shakes her head no, “Still nothing.” 

When Kata would tell her Varric shakes his head no, “much more fun this way Kata.” 

“Group dinner at Hawke’s house right?” 

“Yes, pending she is not distressed from her meetings.” 

Varric frowns, “What meetings? She doesn’t have any for the next three days.” 

“She said memorial planning for those killed in the attack.” 

“That’s not for three days, unless she plans on being absent what the hell Hawke?” 

“If she’s going out of town for that long Fenris might now where she is going.” Isabella heads out with the other two over to the mansion. 

“No she is not here, no she is not going dammit she’s hunting.” 

“Who?” Varric asks as Fenris grabs his blade. 

“Corbin, she’d not leave him alive after he attacked her certainly not after he threatened Kata.” 

They are walking through Hightown on the way to the tunnels. “Arishok, you’re the fucking Arishok!” 

“Please yell a little louder Isi, I am positive the nobles didn’t hear you.” Fenris grumbles as all heads turn to them. 

“Why didn’t you just tell me you were him?” 

“Isi, shut up or I will kill you before Hawke can.” Fenris has her arm in his hand when it looks like she is going to say something else he kisses her. When he feels her go pliant and the eyes turn elsewhere with mutters of vulgar he releases her. 

“A last kiss goodbye Fenris?” Varric asks. 

“Will be unless I can convince her otherwise.” 

“Help him out with that? I do like being alive.” 

Kata folds his arms and stops as they enter an alley. “Why would I help you? You stole what was not yours, did not own up to your actions, nearly had me kill my own mate still not owning up to your actions and then escaped the punishment you deserved. She helped you get away from the man you owed the book to, does she know you took the book again or did you lie about that as well? Where is the book thief? Do you still have it?” 

“You told Hawke you left the book, are you telling me the Qunari are still after you?” 

“Andraste’s flaming ass Rivani you do have a death wish.” Varric is trying to breathe trying to figure a way out of this. 

“Interesting place to meet you Maraas, who is the woman? Relative of your Yassin? You should have kept her with you.” Corbin is holding up a braid, just hair and it is all Kata can see as he charges the man. “Now we’re talking, come and meet your death Maraas I’ll tend to your Yassin later.” He parries Kata’s blades throws him back a moment. “I should say mine, she does have a certain appeal all vanilla and cinnamon.” Kata swears when he is done with this man he is going to mark his mate and then maybe kill her for hunting on her own. 

“Might want to leave one alive so we can find Hawke folks.” Isabella suggests but Fenris and Kata are not listening both of them well past sanity as they rip through the men. Fenris and the others are working to keep the men off of Kata as he tries to kill Corbin It is a thousand cuts on Kata as the blades find purchase but not enough to stop or even slow him. Corbin’s throat opens up though and Kata staggers back as he is soaked in the man’s blood. Hawke is there, using him as a springboard to slice through two more before catching a hold of an elf attacking Isabella. 

“Stop da’len, your fight is lost and I offer you a bargain.” Elf stops fighting as Hawke holds him knife to throat arm bent behind his back. 

“What do you offer?” 

“Your life for information. Not a bad deal really.” 

“What do you want to know?” 

“Oh no my lovely, we are not doing this here in an alley you get a private audience with me promise it’ll be a night you won’t forget.” She’s already bound his hands pressure pointed his arms keeps him in front of her. “Varric, Fenris take Kata to Anders please Isabella I’ll come talk to you later.” 

“Yassin.” 

“Nope don’t even try it big guy, just come with us.” Kata watches as Hawke sits the elf on the ground and drops her bombs on the body of the men after looting them. 

“Why is the elf not running?” Isabella asks watching. 

“He can’t, he’s ensnared he’ll do whatever she asks right now.” Fenris pulls her out of the alley. 

“If that is the case why doesn’t she just get the information she needs now? Why torture him?” Varric raises an eyebrow at Isabella’s question. 

“She can’t enjoy doing that, Hawke’s a good person.” 

Fenris laughs, “Hawke enjoys the play of blood on skin, revels in the scream gets off on the pain. Hawke is not nice. Anders you got this?” Fenris asks as Isabella is in complete shock. 

“Yep, going to go watch Hawke play?” Anders says it with contempt he despises what Hawke does neither he nor Justice like it.

“Yes.” Fenris keeps his tone neutral. 

“You watch her do this you enjoy it?” Isabella is really having problems with this. 

Fenris cups her face traces a thumb over her lips smiles when she tries to bite him. “Come to me after she has spoken to you Isabella, door will be open.” Fenris leaves and she realizes he didn’t answer. 

“You all knew she does this, has done this for years.” 

“She has done it since she was a child it’s just part of who she is.” Varric shrugs as Anders works on Kata. Varric catches her arm as she leaves, “Don’t run Isabella.” 

“Have a seat Thief.” Kata stops her in her tracks. “You are frightened, think to run when you do not know what she wants. You run and she will hunt you, slow death later or a talk now your choice.” 

“He’s right Rivani, have a seat.” 

Anders finishes with Kata and they head to the house dinner is an interesting affair without Hawke and Fenris there. “Where’s Hawke?” Aveline asks curious. 

“Meetings, she has Fenris with her they’ll be back later.” Varric supplies quickly. 

Hawke has already stretched the elf by the time Fenris gets there he is naked from the waist up. “Name?” Hawke asks her fingers covered in talons that are blunted her table behind her has her tools and poisons on it. Fenris can smell her all over this room she’s used it for years though doesn’t keep anything here to show it. 

“Lionel.” 

“Good name. Give me the answers I want and no harm shall come to you, fight me however.” She runs a finger down the middle of his chest the talon not drawing blood but the elf screams like he is dying. 

“Who is Brother Corbin?” 

“Qunari who pays well.” Fenris shakes his head no closes his eyes as Hawke touches the man again. 

“He’s Ben-Hassrath, we all are.” 

“What was your objective?” She asks in a whisper the elf can’t see her as his eyes are blindfolded. 

“Kill him capture you.” 

“Are there more of you?” 

“Not if you killed the ones where you were held. More will come though.” 

Hawke pulls the blindfold off the man’s eyes. “I promised you life if you were honest with me and you have been. I will return the favor, try and hurt him again and I will keep killing you. She strips her pauldrons off shows the mark. “I am bound to him, formally claimed to kill him is to kill me. If you want me you have to accept him, there is no Qun without him in it am I clear?” Elf nods. “Tell Arigena and Ariqun I will happily meet with them but if they only want me it will mean a great many deaths take us both I will walk freely onto the ship their choice. I look forward to the answer.” She unbinds his hands tosses him his clothing. “You are free to go Ben-Hassrath Lionel.” 

He salutes her the same as if she is Arishok, “Yassin, may you carry many may the tide carry you home.” 

“Asit tal-eb, anaan esaam Qun.” 

“Do you think they will accept the terms?” Fenris asks as they head home. 

“Not sure guess we’ll see.” 

“Isabella is at your house.” 

“Safety in numbers should be interesting.” 

“Why did you want to talk to her?” 

“I knew her finding out about what I do would rattle her, she will have questions you all did.” 

“No other reason?” Fenris is curious if she heard about the book. 

“Is there other reasons?” Hawke’s interest is piqued and Fenris curses himself a fool. 

“Let’s see what she says.” 

“This chat is for her and I Fenris, I.” 

“Don’t; don’t guarantee her life Hawke just hear her out.” Isabella, Kata and Varric are in the study when she gets there and Hawke takes the time to divest herself of armor and slip into tunic and pants she has no visible weapons which makes Isabella relax a bit more. 

Walking to Kata she places her forehead on his runs hands over him. “You were not hurt badly?” 

“No Yassin, I am fine. You?” 

“Nothing too bad.” 

“You.” She puts her fingers over his mouth, “if you do not want me to throw a dagger at you kost.” 

“Because he understands us.” Hawke nods. 

She turns to face Isabella who sits in a chair facing her near the fire the rest sit on the couch though Kata stands behind her when she takes the seat opposite Isabella. “Ask.” Hawke finally invites studying Isabella. 

“Why?” 

“Be specific.” 

“Why do you torture them when they would freely give you the answers?” 

“Whatever reason lets you sleep at night Isabella, you seek to make sense of it and there is none that I can give you.” 

Isabella is up pacing, “I can’t figure you out Hawke.” 

“Am I puzzle to be figured out for you Isabella? Do you wish my opinions on things so you may categorize me accordingly?” 

“Don’t be coy Hawke, it doesn’t suit.” 

“I am what I need to be Isabella that is all the answer you need.” 

“You torture people!” 

“Yes, I have tortured many, yes I have caused the pain of many, yes I have killed, yes I like it is that what you wish to hear?” 

“Is it true?” 

“Which part?” 

“It’s like speaking to a politician!” Hawke laughs at that. “Do you enjoy it?” 

“The killing absolutely, pain is inevitable, the torture.” Hawke shrugs, “Depending who is on the table depending on the goal yes, I can bring a lot of pain from my victim and I can also bring pleasure, joy, and a myriad of other emotions. Watching him strain against the bonds, watching as a bead of sweat chases down his stomach licking a bead of blood off my blade and seeing their fear yes I enjoy it. Females are actually harder to break, their pain tolerance is higher, their fear threshold is lower keeping them from being hysterical is a fine science. No innocent soul has lost their life to me Isabella can you say the same?” 

She looks away at that, runs her hand across a mantle. “No, I can’t.” 

“Any other questions?” Hawke watches her tense. 

“No.” 

Hawke gets up to leave and Kata puts a hand on her shoulder, “Tell her Thief or I will.” Hawke sits back down. 

“Stay out of it Kata.” Fenris growls. 

“I still have the book of Koslun.” Isabella says in a rush can’t face Hawke. 

“I know.” Hawke is relaxed in the chair smiles at Isabella’s surprise. “Which is why I removed it from your possession, I’ve been copying it when I have time.” 

“You have the book?” Kata is furious. 

“I have had it since she came back yes, there was no reason for me to reveal I had it there was no reason for you to have the information.” 

“That book.” 

“Tal-Vashoth.” He walks away from her rather than do what he wants. 

“You knew I lied to you.” 

“Isabella you are a thief, of course you lied to me. You also owe your life to me and one day I will call in that favor. Betray me again, try and take the book from me and I will kill you Isabella and it will not be a pleasant death.” Hawke holds up her hand to Fenris, “Don’t even try and defend her Fenris, throw your lot in with her and I will kill you pretty markings and all.” 

“None but I will kill you Hawke.” Fenris promises. 

“Same Fenris same.” 

“Can you read the book?” Varric asks and Hawke shakes her head no. 

“My knowledge of Qunlat is only what Arishok taught me mostly through painting his and Sten’s vitaar. I know my name, his, all of the ranks and a few others but not nearly enough to translate it. He will tell you my knowledge of the spoken language leaves much to be desired.” 

“It does.” Kata answers causing chuckles. 

“Can you read it?” 

Kata shakes his head no. “Parts yes, Qun you learn your role what is needed for that beyond that is not needed. I know basic Qunlat but that tome is written in ancient language much like elvin.” 

“Do you speak all the languages like she does?” Isabella asks had always marveled at Hawke’s skills. 

“No.” 

“There are many who will say I leave much to be desired when they speak to me. I am at the mercy of the souls teaching me and I honestly don’t get a lot of nobility or people who speak properly.” Hawke accepts the glass of whiskey from Varric when he hands it to her. 

“How did the torture session go did you learn much?” 

“Enough.” Varric nods knows Hawke’s patience for questions is done. 

“What did he reveal?” Isabella pushes. 

“It doesn’t concern you Isabella, take Fenris who will not speak of it and go home.” 

Fenris narrows his eyes at her, “I didn’t need the reminder.” 

“Be thankful it didn’t come with a blade.” 

“Small mercies, you must be getting soft.” 

“You’ll never know. Out.” 

Kata closes the door after everyone leaves and comes back to her, moves the chair Isabella was sitting in and pulls her down to the rug with him. Leaving her on the floor for a moment he goes and gets food and pulls cushions onto the floor. When he brings out the fur cover from the spare blankets Hawke looks at him intrigued, “Are we camping out?” 

“Yes, I miss furs, I miss laying in front of a fire and watching it's light play over you.” Divesting her of her clothing and him of his laying her out on the floor covering every inch of her with tongue and lips. She's missed the furs as well, the slide of them against her skin as he covers her the way the firelight plays over his skin. 

“I can get us furs for the bed Arishok.” 

“So can I Yassin, as you can see I did just fine.” Thoughts of the Ben-Hassrath of what they tried to do have her tracing his ear with her lips her fingers tracing into the base of his skull but he shakes his head at her. “Why? Why do you want battle?” 

She clamps her teeth on his chest in response pushes him to his back her hips pushing harder wanting more. “Mine, they will not take you they will not separate us.” He's holding her against his chest holding her hip still as he slams into her. 

“You are mine Yassin, I am yours, none will stand against us and live.” She pulls his head towards her wants his teeth on her he obliges not sure why she needs the assurance more than willing to give it to her. 

“Yours Arishok only yours.” When she bites hard enough to draw blood he does as well puts her below him again his claim words echoed into her ear his body as deep as possible feels her shudder and he does as well wants to be one with her will settle for this as he tries to catch his breath. He is still for only a moment moving again keeping his body covering hers he will keep the other Qunari away from her they will not be able to touch her again. “Mark me Arishok, only you may touch me.” He obliges not stopping until every inch of her smells of him until he can smell nothing but his scent pulls her to lay on top of him. 

“What did the elf tell you?” She sits up pads over to the whiskey and brings it with her to the makeshift bed takes a swig offers him some which he waves off. 

“He's Ben-Hassrath.” 

He curses long and low pulls her down to kiss her and to growl. “You should not have tried to hunt them on your own.” 

“My plan worked just fine thank you. I got them to take me where they were staying, cleaned out that nest while you worked on the big baddie.” 

“He took a trophy from you.” She laughs at this. 

“Nothing I wasn't willing to part with, hair grows. Their orders were to kill you and capture me.” 

“They would toss you into madness.” 

“I don't think they knew that, I let him go told him if they want me they need you too. He is supposed to get back with me on Arigena and Ariqun's responses.” 

“Only you would use an assassin as a messenger.” He is pulling her back down to him needs the contact with her skin knows she needs it as well. 

“You did not tell them about us, I know the marks of torture.” Fingers trace the lines made by blade and the burn marks made by rods. He doesn't answer merely kisses her makes love to her until they sleep. 

He opens his eyes to see a dark head crawling towards him knows by a sniff it's not Hawke. “Thief, why are you here?” This one is very intoxicated. 

“Need to make sure she's not still mad at me. Hawke mad is never good.” She is crawling closer to him and he is looking at the door positive Yassin walking in right now with him naked on the floor and Isabella burying her nose in the furs is not going to look good. 

“Thief remove yourself immediately. She will be mad if she finds you in here with me right now.” He's retreating away keeping the fur blanket wrapping it around himself. 

“She doesn't mind sharing with me, she shared Fenris.” She's crawled to him and he is in the chair beside the fire as she rubs her face on the furs. 

Isabella is yanked backward by her hair thrown away from him as a very naked Hawke is glaring at her. “You have such an amazing body, all long lines and nary a scar on it. You smell amazing.” 

“Isi you are drunk, why are you here?” Hawke doesn't move towards her glares at him over her shoulder. “Put some pants on we're going to have to take her back to Fenris or the Hanged Man.” 

“You will require clothing as well.” 

“Came to make sure you weren't still mad at me, I'm sorry Hawke I really shoulda told you about the book. Cause of me shit went wrong, I never meant to kill.” Hawke has her hand over Isabella's mouth. 

“Stop Isi, don't bring him up now, he is dead and there is nothing I or anyone else can do about it.” 

“You miss him?” Hawke is taking a deep breath. “You do, why didn't you ever introduce me to him?” 

“I couldn't risk him.” 

“You were ashamed of him?” 

“Enough Isabella, know that I do this out of love.” Hawke hits her hard enough to knock her out gently lays her out moves to get dressed. 

“She is the most annoying woman I have ever met other than you.” Hawke laughs at that as she straps on weapons. “What is it with her and me? Why does she rub so against my scent?” 

“No idea, she did it when Sten marked me as well she loves the scent makes her horny.” 

“Aroused yes, I can tell but why does it affect other women this way?” Hawke has to think for a moment. 

“Merrill didn't like it, Fenris didn't either Varric didn't care neither did Anders. Did any of the viddathari females act like she does around the men?” 

“No, opposite in fact. Fear yes, respect but not this it is interesting.” 

“Well you get to carry her so cover what you want and lets get her dropped off I am tired.” 

He hoists her up over his shoulder causing Hawke to laugh a little. “No cradling her close?” 

“I don't even want to touch her Yassin, she repulses me. They all do, they are not you and I am not interested.” 

“Smart man, let's get her to the Hanged Man crowd should have died down enough we can get her there without too much attention.” Walking through the streets it's quiet and Hawke sighs in content. 

“You enjoy the city when it sleeps.” 

“I do, it is the best time of night lets me know the ones out this late are the ones that need to be hunted.” 

Getting to the Hanged Man Kata sets Isabella down gently steadies as she regains consciousness opens the door as Hawke winds an arm around her helping her into the tavern and through to the back room. “Hawke? Oh you have Isabella good.” Fenris is towards her and then stops. “He marked you, why does Isabella smell like him too?” Hawke unwinds herself from Isabella and sets her at the table. 

“She smells amazing doesn't she? Why does she smell so amazing?” Isabella is babbling. 

“It's transfer from me, should wear off shortly actually and she loves the way he smells.” 

“I remember her doing the same thing when Sten marked you, interesting it would have that effect on her. Isi let's get you to bed come on.” 

“I want Fenris, only Fenris.” Hawke laughs. 

“You are in luck thigh highs, he's available and has a hold of you go make him a happy man.” 

Hawke looks at Varric who is watching the entire scene. “Not down for a threesome huh?” 

“Not without an audience no.” Hawke smiles slightly. 

“Oh I have no problem watching.” 

“I know you don't but he doesn't share. Neither do I.” Kata has his hand around her waist hooking her back to him. Checking to make sure no one is there he rubs his nose down her ear to her neck and licks. 

“Home Yassin.” She gasps turns as she sees no one near and glares at him sighs at his unrepentant gaze.


	70. Dragons

“Hawke, I need to ask something of you and I need you to trust me on this.” Anders is pacing in front of Hawke and she is wondering exactly what is going on now. “When I merged with Justice it was wrong, there is a way for me to separate from Justice, to leave him in the fade where he belongs.” Hawke stands up from leaning on the desk bites her lip. Anders looks at her questioningly.

“Why would you want to separate from him Anders? Does Justice want this?” Hawke asks trying not to panic.

“Talk to him if you want Hawke, he will tell you the same thing I do. He wants to stay in the fade, wants me to have my life back.” Anders turns away from her.

“Fine, what do you need?” Hawke asks and Anders hears the tremble in her voice, knows she is hurt and scared and not caring.

“Drake-stone from the bone pit and serite from the sewers it’s a Tevinter spell.”

“Okay, sewers first when do you want to do this?” Hawke asks eyes tracing his face.

“As soon as possible.” Hawke nods.

“Let me get Fenris and Varric, Fenris might be able to identify the components. There is no spell to this?” Hawke asks and Anders shakes his head no.

“Ugh, only for you Blondie.” Varric grouches when they enter the sewers.

Bone Pit is a bit more interesting when a High Dragon lands in front of them as they are walking away. “Really? I did not want to add High Dragon slayer to the resume.” Hawke slides away from the flames.

“Do we have to kill it?” Merrill asks sending a stone fist into it.

“Tell ya what Daisy; if it flies away with you we'll let it keep you.” Varric says shooting an arrow at the thing.

“Less talk more action would be dandy folks.” Fenris slices the dragon's foot with his blade and rolling away from a stomp.

“As Captain of the guards I can make sure we get rewards for this.” Aveline blocks the flames from Fenris with her shield.

“Anders any help here? You are the only one of us that has slain a high dragon before.” Hawke stabs the dragon again.

“That's all a blur, I was healing Neria. She sliced the neck open and shoved a sword into its head.”

“I can do that.” Hawke smiles as Isabella slides around one leg to slice another. “Up Aveline.” Hawke orders using the shield to launch herself on the neck of the dragon she is utterly unprepared when the dragon takes off from the ground with her.

“Hawke!” Fenris yells and then has to concentrate on the dragonlings that have come out to feed on the companions. Hawke is hanging on for dear life. Kata is slicing his attention focused can't think about Yassin up in the air.

Dragonlings killed the dragon screams in rage and lands again and Hawke has managed to get to the dragon's head and is stabbing it when it goes up again. Finally getting her sword into the brain enough to kill it the dragon is falling with Hawke attached. “Maker no.” Anders begs not sure how to help.

“Daisy you got anything to help cushion her fall?” Varric asks and Merrill shakes her head no. With a final crash the dragon is on the ground and Hawke is flung free to land a few feet from the head.

“Dammit don't be dead don't be dead please don't be dead.” Anders is running to her and casting heals as he runs. Fenris beats him to her and doesn't touch her when Merrill screams at him.

“No! Let Anders heal her Fenris, you can't help her right now. None of us can.” Fenris glares at Merrill though nod his head.

“How bad?” Kata asks looking at the impression her body has made on the ground.

“Most of her bones are shattered, I have no idea how she is breathing but she is.” Anders is kneeling next to her and casting more healing. “Loot the dragons if you like, make sure we aren't getting any surprises we are going to be here a few days.” Anders admits and Kata looks at the man as he hears traces of Justice. “I will not lose her Kata; she will not join me in the Fade yet.” Justice growls and he nods doing the bidding of the mage and hating himself for it Merrill is casting rejuvenation on Anders as she can and pouring lyrium into the mage as he heals Hawke.

“I wish Sunshine were here.” Varric drops loot from the dragon and the cave they find with treasure in it. “There is enough here to buy you a boat Rivani.” Varric whistles in appreciation and Isabella smiles.

“It won't do me any good unless I can take her with me sailing.” Isabella looks at Hawke and wincing as Anders finally rolls her over.

“Kata, get water and a blanket, we need to get her off the ground so I can clean her before I do more healing. Fenris get her up.” Fenris does as commanded and gently lifts Hawke up as Anders cleans her back and heals and then puts her down. Fenris and Aveline get a tent up around Anders and Hawke.

“I need sleep; I will heal her more when I wake up. Wake me up if she comes around or starts thrashing.” Anders says and lays down. Kata keeps his vigil holding Hawke's hand as she sleeps.

“Tessa?” Justice walks to her in the fade running a hand down her face.

“Ugh everything hurts; I can’t get out of here.” Hawke admits hugging herself.

“You fell with a dragon, your body is shattered. I am holding you here until Anders fixes you.” Justice won't touch her right now she is in too much pain.

“You can't do that Justice. She is mine not yours.” Justice turns to see Vengeance there and takes his blade out.

“I still serve you master, I am just being held here while my body is repaired.” Hawke stumbles in front of Justice and drops to her knees hands out in supplication to Vengeance.

“Why does she work for you when you have her sister's soul?” Justice asks still keeping his blade out.

“She pledged to help me until the end of her lifetime not her sisters.” Vengeance pulls Hawke up tilting her head to look at him he is dark where Justice is light; his is a face of cruelty. “You wish to stay here and recover or would you prefer me?” It’s a trick question and Hawke pauses.

“I will always prefer you but his vessel is the one healing me, I will need him to get back to my body when I have been away for so long.” Hawke looks the demon in the eye, now is not the time to lie.

“As you wish.” Vengeance walks away and Hawke turns back to Justice.

“You would dare fight for me? He is the other side of you, your twin.”

“He is a demon, forged in anger and fears neither emotion I can feel. I will always fight demons for you.” Justice puts his blade up as Hawke approaches him.

“You wish to stay here in the fade? You wish to end your bond with Anders?” Hawke asks plainly is not surprised when Justice turns from her.

“Yes. I have tortured him enough; I have enough souls to stay here now I don't require him.” Hawke nods at his words it's what she needed to know. She needs Kata, she needs her mate.

“Tess, easy Tess he is still there calm down easy!” Justice is to her stroking her face.

“Kata?” Hawke asks quietly looking at her mate.

“Here.” Kata says squeezing her hand and smiling.

“What happened?” Hawke asks trying to move.

“Easy Hawke, you can't move too much yet, I am not done with you yet. Justice thought it would be wise to let you wake up though. You were getting frantic.” Hawke closes her eyes at Anders admission.

“Frantic?” Kata asks and Anders nods.

“She does not like to be away from you for long. Is scared something will happen.” Anders glares at the Qunari.

“When will I be up again Anders, I don't want to be here for long. Justice and I did discuss your plans, he agrees with them.” Hawke is not wanting to look at Kata's face.

“Couple more days, I need you to sleep more though. Think you can take some water and broth?” Anders asks and Hawke nods and tries to sit up. Kata helps her up pulling her against his chest and keeping her there. Anders leaves to get the water and broth.

“I am okay Hawke. But you don't trust me.” Kata says in the silence and Hawke bites her lip.

“I do trust you, else I wouldn't have taken you back, wouldn't have forgiven you. I love you Kata, that in itself is no easy thing for me to admit and you know it. But I have secrets; secrets I know will make you not trust me.” Hawke admits and is thankful she cannot see his face wouldn't want to see his face for this confession.

“Whatever you did before me does not matter. I accept you for what you were, what you are and what you will be with me.” Kata kisses her forehead. Anders hands him the broth and bread watches as he feeds her watches as she is rubbing against the bare skin shown. 

Hawke is in and out of consciousness for the next few days and finally wakes up back in her bed in the estate. “Ah, welcome back Hawke you had us worried for a moment there.” Varric sees her awake.

“Ugh everything hurts.”

“Pain lets you know you are alive.” Fenris smiles at her from his perch on her bed. “You told me that once, I thought at the time you were being awfully cruel.” Fenris continues smiling.

“Then I am thankful to be alive but I want up and out of this bed. I have had enough of being on my back.” Hawke is sitting up and catching her breath on the pain. Her ribs are wrapped, her arms are too. She is mostly wrapped head to toe in bandages. “Ugh get these things off me I need to get up and where are my daggers?”

Hawke is tearing at the bandages and Fenris is restraining her. “Anders!” Anders appears and casts soothe on Hawke which gets her to settle a bit but not enough.

“Up and out of the bed now Anders get me into a bath now!” She is ripping at the bandages still and fighting Fenris with all of her strength.

“Hawke stop, please stop.” Fenris is afraid to hurt her but knows she can't get up yet.

“Bath, now Fenris please, let me heal myself I can't deal with the pain.” Fenris nods but doesn't let her go as she is still fighting.

“Bath running, I am clearly not needed let me know when she is up again.” Varric leaves.

Hawke manages to get loose enough to grab Fenris' dagger and starts cutting the bandages off as well as dislodge Fenris. “Get me into the tub Fenris or so help me I will start slicing important parts.”

“Anders?” Fenris asks and the healer shrugs in defeat as Fenris picks her up and puts her in the tub.

It is dark with blood as Hawke sighs in delight and submerges herself hissing at the sting of her injuries. “It's remarkable.” Anders watches as the cuts seal and using his magic to see her bones heal as well. When she is healed she gets out of the tub and moves to put on her armor. Kata is not back from getting food yet he doesn't look forward to telling the man his mate is off by herself.

“Where are you going?” Fenris asks as she pulls on pants, top and slides weapons into sheathes and takes the time to reapply poisons onto her blades.

“Hunting, this healing doesn't come without a price. I have been inactive too long, Vengeance gave me a loan.” Hawke admits quietly.

“You can't go out there; I know how much that cost your energy reserves.” Anders places a hand on her. A flash of fist, a hiss of a blade and Anders is on his back with Hawke crouched over him blade to his neck.

“You do not get to tell me what to do Anders, you are costing me precious energy fighting me and you are not worth it right now. Thank you for the healing; I will see you in the morning please leave.” Hawke drops out of the window to the street below and disappearing.

“Fenris?” Anders asks and the elf shrugs.

“If she wanted company she would have asked. Am I scared she will be hurt yes would I try to stop her no.” Anders goes to his room and closes the door. Fenris heads to his house as well hoping Hawke lives through the night.

_They’d been out for a run on the beach when the bandits had jumped them, thought to capture her until they’d seen the others with her. His punishment of the ones that had thought to touch her had been death. Entire macabre play is bathed in moonlight and as the last of the blood drips down into the sand he looks to see where she is catches his breath as she stands in front of the moon her blades already sheathed her stance one of waiting. As bodies cool in the night air and his men move them he holds out his hand to her that she comes willingly to him is not a surprise as he pulls her away from them onto a cliff overlooking the water._

_Fingers gently scrape her hair out of her face as he draws her lips to his he has to taste her she who gentles him she reaches up to run fingers over his chest reach tentatively to the buckle holding his blades in question. Finally he thinks as his fingers move to hers each disarming the other each tentative touch of her fingers and his sure ones as he gets to her skin silk and satin meet his fingers as vanilla hits his nose. Slowly carefully he unwraps her he’d never hurt this woman this one who makes him forget everything but her as he lays her back on the sand their clothing providing the only bed they need as lips leave to taste the rest of her. Her breathy moans are met by his rumbling ones as he parts her thighs takes her slowly knowing for all she is a warrior she needs and wants him gentle. He takes her there on the beach each feeding off the other neither caring about the other men here that keep them safe._

_Over and over she cries out in joy, keeps her gray eyes locked with his blue the night too dark to see the color but both knowing the look the rising sun providing the light they need as he declares his want his need for her in his life and she answers knows her path in his arms will not be easy but worth it every step of the way._

“Blue eyes, but Kata has gray, Fenris has green only blue is Anders and he doesn’t command anyone so who are you writing about?” 

“What oh, Rivani leave that one alone.” 

“Why? Not going to use it in the book?” 

“No, I’m not.” 

“It’s well written so why not?” 

“Because I’m not.” 

Isabella looks over at Varric who is writing another scene this one a fight and then looks down at the paper in her hand, “Oh this is about Hawke and Sten you met him?” 

“Yes, had dinner with him several times he was a good man.” 

Isabella shakes her head at him in exasperation. “That is all you and Fenris say about him just that he was a good man no details of him nothing to make him a real character how did he meet Hawke how did he fall in love with her why did she choose him where was he from nothing there is bloody nothing.” 

“She’ll always be conflicted on your part in all of that.” 

“Not once Varric, not once did she mention she was with someone that she was sleeping with one. Not once did she complain about dealing with them or mention how much of a pain it was to keep the peace.” 

“She did tasks for the Arishok to keep him calm, placated the Chantry and tried to be a bridge between the Qunari and the population. It was she who brokered the trade deals in Dark town with the compound and her who convinced the Arishok to allow the field trip of the children inside. It was her that convinced the Arishok to release some of the viddathari that wanted to leave after they had converted and went to the families that wanted to stay and told them she nearly broke herself trying to keep the peace and it was all for nothing.”

Isabella gets up and paces away from Varric for a moment anger and sadness warring within her. 

“Sten dared to defy Arishok the night of the attack, challenged him to stay his hand lost his life for it. Imagine what would have happened if you hadn’t taken off with the book, if she’d been able to walk into the compound with the book?”

Isabella turns to Varric angrily, “You think I don’t think about that? If she’d walked into that compound with the book he maybe wouldn’t have taken the city or maybe he would have and we’d all be bending the knee to the mighty Arishok instead of just her.” 

“Rivani.” Varric admonishes.   
She looks at him and wipes a tear. “Now she goes through the motions of being alive but we all know its bullshit. She accepts him but he doesn’t make her happy.” 

Varric shrugs, “They’ve been together for weeks and he’s done a fair job of keeping her off the ledge.” 

“He’s the reason there is one, he’s the reason we have to watch her so closely.” Varric has his arms crossed now. “If I’d known Varric, I would have done things differently but no she has to have her fucking secrets and it’s my fault.” He’d held her then, let the tears fall and the ragged breaths dissolve into body shaking sobs. He’d not offered more comfort than his arms, no false platitudes would he heap on her nor would he tell her it would all be okay he knew better. “I love her so much.” 

“Isabella?” 

“In here Broody.” Varric calls out waits as Fenris takes in Isabella on her knees as Varric sits in a chair her face in his chest as she sniffles and finally leans back to look at him. 

“Isi.” That brought on fresh sobs and a startled look from him. 

“You are my fault too.” 

“Isabella what are you carrying on about now?” It’s just the right amount of disdain to have her looking up again to have her mastering her tears. 

“Hawke.” 

“Has something happened to her? What did you do now Isabella, if you hurt her.” Fenris’ markings are blazing as he takes a step towards Isabella. 

“Hang on Broody, Hawke’s fine just Rivaini has had an attack of consciousness.”

“What brought this on?” 

Isabella hands the paper to Fenris watches as Fenris reads it. “He may have done that with her eventually but the first time he nearly killed her.” 

“I know that because she told me why would you know that?” Varric is shocked. 

“He and I discussed it.” 

“Wait he discussed sex with Hawke with you?” Isabella is done crying looking at Fenris as if he’s sprouted another head. 

“Yes, he knew I had bedded her thought she would confide in me. Her injuries were extensive I helped her hunt that night to repair the damage I thought she had been attacked by bandits.” Fenris crosses his arms regards the two shocked faces in front of him. “He never hurt her again if you are curious.” 

“Did he ever discuss anything about Hawke with you other than that?” Varric is curious. 

“Yes, we sparred weekly to speak of her and other matters.” Fenris shrugs as both Isabella and Varric are in shock. 

“Did Hawke know?” 

Fenris shakes his head then shrugs. “If she did she never said anything he knew I attended most of the noble meetings with her knew I spent a great deal of time with her outside of the compound. Probably used me as a way to gauge the city as well to keep the Arishok informed what was going on with the nobility.” 

Varric laughs, “Hawke never would have been okay with you two discussing her.” 

Fenris shrugs, “Whatever information I gave him kept her happy kept them happy which was fine with me besides learning how to fight him was educational also came in handy when they attacked the city.” Fenris holds a hand up to stop the next questions, “No I had no idea he was going to attack the city there were no signs anything was amiss that things weren’t what they normally were. I sparred with him the day before the attack there was nothing in appearance or demeanor that would indicate war was the next morning. Either he was the best bluffer born or Arishok decided that day to attack which is what I think happened. I don’t think the attack went the way it should have.” 

Isabella shakes her head no, “Nothing that day went the way it should have.” 

Fenris puts the paper back on Varric’s desk, “Sten would have secured her if he’d known the attack was happening he would not have risked her.” Varric nods in agreement.


	71. Freedom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Getting there folks, thank you for hanging in there. :)

Hawke is walking into Fenris’ mansion when she hears Aveline arguing with him. She gets up and throws her hands up in frustration and spies Hawke standing near the door. “You talk to him, I did what he asked and still he doesn’t believe me.” Aveline stomps past and Hawke arches an eyebrow at him.

“Hadriana told the truth about my sister, I didn’t tell you because I didn’t think I could arrange it but I did. She is here; she is staying at the Hanged man for the week.” Fenris says as way of greeting and Hawke places a hand on his chest cocks her head to look at him. “You always know how to soothe me.”

“If Varania is here then let’s go see her.” Hawke offers and they head to the Hanged man.

Anders and Varric are there and the tavern is surprisingly empty for the afternoon. “I remember you. We played in our master’s courtyard while mother worked. You called me” Fenris sees the white haired woman sitting at the table.

“Lieto that is your name.” She gets up and Hawke is dropping into fighting stance.

“It’s a trap.” Hawke says and the others draw weapons and the patrons scatter.

“Ah, my little Fenris, always so predictable.” Grey haired mage is being escorted by slavers down the stairs and Hawke can only guess it is Danarius finally making an appearance.

“I am sorry it had to come to this Lieto.” Varania admits and Fenris turns on her, his markings glowing.

“You led him here.” Fenris accuses,

“Now Fenris don’t blame your sister she was only doing what any good Imperial citizen should.” Danarius is in front of Fenris and Hawke wants to kill him.

“I never wanted these filthy markings Danarius! But I won’t let you kill me to get them.”

“Oh how little you know my pet and this is your new mistress then? The Champion of Kirkwall, she is stunning.”

“Fenris doesn’t belong to anyone Danarius.” Hawke is spoiling for this fight, knows it will be a fight. 

“Do I detect a note of jealousy? It’s not surprising; the lad is rather skilled isn’t he?” Danarius is goading Fenris and it is working as Fenris drops into fighting stance and his markings are in full glow mode now.

“Shut your mouth Danarius.”

“The word is master, something you will remember soon.” Danarius drops back and the room erupts into spells and blades as Fenris tries to take down Danarius It is a hard fought battle but Danarius is at Fenris’ feet and he crushes the man’s heart in his chest without remorse.

Varania is cowering in the corner when Fenris looks at her. “I had no choice Lieto.”

“Stop calling me that.” Fenris walks towards her and Hawke waits, this is not her choice.

“He was going to make me his apprentice; I would have been a Magister.” 

“You sold out your own brother to become a Magister.” Fenris is furious and Hawke is aching for him.

“You have no idea what I’ve been through, what I have had to do since Mother died. This was my only chance.” Varania is cowering, tears streaming down her face.

“Now you have no chance at all.” Fenris is glowing and steps closer still.

“Please, don’t do this, please tell him to stop!”

“Wait, don’t kill her.” Hawke begs and Fenris looks surprised at her.

“Why not she was willing to see me killed. What is she to me other than another tool of the Magisters?”

“She is your sister Fenris she is as much of a victim as you were. You know I speak the truth.” Hawke dares not touch him, knowing it will send him over.

“Fenris don’t do this it doesn’t help.” Varric pleads and Fenris glances at Varania, “I would have given you everything. Get out.”

Varania heads for the door but stops, “You said you didn’t ask for this but you did. You competed for it, when you won you used the boon to have mother and I freed.”

“Why are you telling me this?” Fenris asks looking at his sister.

“Freedom is no boon; I see you now and think you got the better end of the bargain.” Varania leaves at this and Hawke looks warily at Fenris.

“I thought discovering my past would bring a sense of belonging, but I was wrong. Magic has tainted that too, there is nothing for me to reclaim. I am alone.” 

“Magic has nothing to do with this Fenris.” Anders says bitterly.

“No? Greed for it didn’t bring Danarius here, make my sister betray me?”

“You have friends.” Varric chimes in.

“Yes I have mages as friends.” Fenris is destroyed and Hawke aches for him.

“Are we really so terrible?” Merrill asks and Hawke turns to her and smiles.

“No you are not.” Fenris smiles at Merrill.

“He’s dead Fenris, you are finally free. Celebrate with us love.” Isabella finally offers and Fenris cups her chin and kisses her. Breaking the kiss she smiles and traces a finger over his markings.

“You heard her, I competed for these I wanted them.” Fenris' finger traces Isabella’s bottom lip as they drink.

“You are an amazing warrior Fenris, it does not surprise me you would win a competition even if it’s not Broodiness.” Isabella smiles as he narrows his eyes at her. They enjoy the night and Isabella guides Fenris back to the house stumbling as they go.


	72. Betrayal

“Come with me to speak to the Grand Cleric?” Anders asks the next morning when Hawke wakes up and is in her armor. Kata is still sleeping his snores earning a chuckle from her. 

“Sure, hungry?” Hawke asks handing him a piece of fruit while eating the rest of the breakfast on the tray. She doesn't eat in the dining room. Her room is immaculate and very impersonal. Bedspread in dark blue, her entire room is done in dark colors. Her window is open but Anders knows there is a trap on it to discourage burglars. One armoire holds hers and his clothing; the screen holds the chest for her armor and at the foot of the bed holds poisons, daggers and swords there are no knick knacks, nothing personal anywhere not even a single painting or portrait to indicate anything of the occupant. Kata's armor is in another chest next to hers at the end of the bed. 

“Why do I feel like no one lives here?” Anders asks snagging an egg off her plate and earning a glare for it.

“You do, I do, Kata lives here, people live here.” Hawke continues to eat.

“You don't live in this room, you walk out and it looks like no one lives here, there is nothing personal here of you. Do you even own any jewelry or knick knacks?” Anders asks his hand encompassing the room.

“Yes I own jewelry no I don't own nick-knacks.”

“If you had to leave quickly how long would it take?”

“Long enough to leave messages with Varric and grab my strong box, 2 hours tops why?” Hawke asks spearing a sausage on her plate.

“It would take me days to leave if not weeks. You have been in this city longer than me and it would take you hours.”

Hawke shrugs at this. “What does that matter? I have no intention of being tied to one spot Anders, yes I have a house but my brother is a Grey Warden, my mother and sister are dead and I despise my uncle. This is not my home; I am here because I have things to do and because Kata is here.”

“You would not leave Kata if someone was after you?”

“No, his place is with me and I with him. Besides I would not have him used as leverage against me though since you live with me they would likely choose you.” Hawke finishes and stands taking the tray to the door and putting it outside and then washing her hands in the sink, she pauses when she sees the look on his face. “Never fear Anders, I would not allow you to fall into Templar hands and I would kill you rather than see you used against me.”

“Thanks I think.” Anders gets up and following her to the door. “Off to see the Grand Cleric.” 

Once at the Chantry Anders and her enter. Hawke sees the Grand Cleric and goes with Anders to talk to her. Anders is curious about the Tranquil Movement and making sure it hasn't gained any traction again through the years. Elfina assures Anders there has been no more movement for it. Anders thanks her and moves off while Hawke continues to talk to the Cleric, after the Arishok's departure and the viscount's death she is curious when the election of the new viscount will happen. “Meredith seems content to hold the power a while longer. I would not be surprised if they voted you for the duty Serrah Hawke, I think you would make a good one.”

“I doubt that Your Grace, while I am good at what I do politics have never interested me. It seems Anders is ready to leave I thank you for your time.” Hawke bows out and looks at Anders in question.

“Nothing for you to worry about, I am tired of Meredith though, the mages need help and I will help them.”

“Just be careful Anders, I would hate to lose you.” Anders smiles at that.

Walking back to the estate Hawke is stopped by a mage. “Champion! Thank the Maker you have come.”

“That can't be good.” Varric says and Fenris nods agreement. They have Merrill and Isabella with them. Kata is probably still at the house.

“What seems to be the problem?” Hawke asks.

“Meredith and Orinso have gotten into a terrible argument I fear there might be bloodshed.” The mage says.

“Where are they?” Hawke sighs tiredly.

“The Tower, hurry.” Hawke heads there with the companions in tow.

“I would love to have Aveline here for this; she is captain of the guards after all.” Hawke comments and Varric nods agreement.

“I will have the tower searched top to bottom!” Meredith is in rare form.

“You can't do that you have no right!” Orinso is furious, even the dragon heads on his staff are reacting.

“I have every right, you are harboring blood mages and I intend to root them out before it is too late.” Meredith is pacing in front of the First Enchanter furious.

“Blood magic, always blood magic. My mages cannot sneeze without you seeing blood magic I have had enough.” Orinso is clenching his fist in anger. 

“Do not trifle with me First Enchanter my patience is at an end.” Meredith is yelling in his face.

“A wonder I never saw it begin.” Orinso snorts gesturing at Meredith.

“Now now you two, can't we all just get along?” Hawke asks and earns angry glares from both.

“This does not involve you Champion.” Meredith stalks over to her.

“I am glad she is here, I think it's time the people know exactly what you have done.” Orinso crosses his arms.

“What I have done is protect this city, what I have done is protect you mages from your curse and your stupidity. I will not stop; I will not lower our guard.” Meredith says and Hawke looks at Orinso.

“Is there any truth to what she is saying? Are there blood mages again in your ranks?” Hawke asks.

“These are only her latest accusations, what if she does not find what she is looking for how far will she go to prove these allegations?” Orinso asks not coming near the Templar.

“The Champion knows just how far corruption in the circle can go, I must find the source.” Hawke draws a steadying breath at the reminder of her mother and Bethany.

“They are all not like that Meredith.” Hawke says casting her mother and Bethany out of her mind.

“Tell me you have not seen what they can do? Would you give anything to stop them?” Meredith pushes and Hawke grits her teeth.

“She would cast us all as villains, it is just not true.” Orinso is anguished.

“I know, and it breaks my heart to do so but we must be vigilant.” Meredith turns to Orinso in appeal. “If you cannot tell me another way do not brand me a tyrant.” She continues and Orinso shakes his head.

“This is getting us nowhere Grand Cleric Elfina will put a stop to this.” Orinso starts to head to the Chantry.

“You will not bring Her Grace into this!” Meredith reaches out to stop Orinso.

“The Grand Cleric cannot help you.” Anders walks into the fight.

“Explain yourself mage.” Meredith demands and Hawke is ready to get Anders out of there if necessary.

“I will not stand by while you treat every mage like a criminal.” He says to Meredith and then turns to Orinso. “While those that lead us bow to our Templar jailers.”

“How dare you.” Orinso is offended but Anders raps his staff on the ground and Hawke hears the traces of Justice and is scared of what Justice might do here and now. “The circle has failed us Orinso, even you should be able to see that.” Justice is truly shining through now and Hawke steps back keeping her hands off her weapons along with the others. “The time has come to act; there can be no half measures.”

Anders turns away from Hawke. “Anders? What have you done?” Hawke asks worriedly.

“There can be no turning back.” Anders confirms as the ground starts to rumble. They all watch as the Chantry goes up in an explosion.

“Maker please have mercy.” Meredith yells and Anders/Justice answers

“There can be no peace.”

“Why would you do this?” Orinso asks.

“I have removed a chance of compromise because there is no compromise.”

“The Grand Cleric has been slain by magic there can be only one answer for this. As Knight Commander of Kirkwall I hereby invoke the right of annulment. Every mage in the circle is to be executed immediately.” Meredith demands and all gasp.

“The circle didn't even do this, Champion you cannot let her help us stop this.” Orinso is pleading.

“I demand you stand with us.” Meredith says to Hawke and she shakes her head.

“You cannot stop this, you have to choose.” Anders says to Hawke.

“This was your plan Anders?” Hawke asks her heart breaking.

“If you knew than you would have tried to stop me I couldn't take that chance. The circle is an injustice.” Anders is making himself not reach out to her.

“You fool! You have doomed us all!” Orinso cries.

“We were already doomed. A quick death now or a slow death later, I would rather die fighting.” Anders stands firm.

“You are a murderer, the grand cleric the mages their blood is on your hands.” Hawke is furious.

“I know.” Anders says sadly.

“It doesn't matter even if I wanted to stay my hand the people will demand blood.” Meredith states and Hawke knows she is right.

“This is not the mages fault, I will defend them.” Hawke offers to Orinso.

“Hawke, if you do this I'm not sure I can help you.” Aveline is on the scene.

“The mages would become Magister if they could do not let them.” Fenris says and Hawke looks at him sadly.

“You sure about this Hawke even you might not win this fight.” Varric cautions.

“I know we can do this, I believe in you.” Merrill offers and Hawke smiles at the elf warmly.

“Shit, fine I'm with you.” Isabella is shaking her head.

“Think carefully Champion, stand with them and you share their fate.” Meredith warns.

“I can live with that.” Hawke winks at Meredith.

“It is a mistake, but I won't abandon you.” Fenris confirms and Hawke's shoulders sag with relief.

“I will stand with you Hawke; I see why you are doing what you are doing.” Aveline says and Hawke nods.

“As you wish Champion, kill them all. I will ready the rest of the Templars.” Meredith leaves with most of her Templars though a few stay.

“Go; get to the Gallows lock the doors!” Orinso yells and his mages scatter. Done with the fight Orinso shakes his head. “So it has come to this. I don't know if we can win this war Champion but I am thankful you are trying. I will leave Anders for you to deal with. Meet me at the Gallows as soon as you can.” Orinso leaves and Hawke sees Anders sitting on a crate guarded by Aveline and Fenris. Hawke walks behind Anders cannot bear the sight of his face.

“There is nothing you can say that I have not already said myself. I took a spirit into my soul and changed myself forever to achieve this. This is the Justice all mages have awaited.” Anders says.

“Did Justice truly do this, does he really want this?” Hawke is crying silent tears, would never admit to anyone how much this hurts.

“We are one Tessa, there is no Justice without Anders we both wanted this.”

“Is this for Neria? Bethany? Karl? Is this truly for them? All of them are dead and more will be dead before this is over.” Hawke says anguished.

“I do this because it needs to be done. Mages need to be shown they can be free; there is something other than to be chained, raped and tortured. Did you know the statue of Neria includes her chains? It is a 50 foot symbol that all mages can and should be chained. This will show the world they cannot chain us forever. If that statement costs me my life than so be it.” Anders says and Hawke clenches her fists.

“If I had stayed would you have still done this?” Hawke asks placing a hand on Anders.

“Yes, you have been the best thing to happen to me. I had forgotten what it meant to care but this must happen and all the love in the world would not stop me from this.” Justice answers and Hawke shakes her head looking at Fenris. Knowing Varric is holding the elf there.

“Opinions?” Hawke asks and grits her teeth at the warble in her voice.

“He wants to die kill him” Fenris says.

“He should come with us, do what he can to make it better.” Merrill says and Fenris snarls at her.

“Belief does not make this right, he must pay for this.” Aveline's voice is rough as well.

“If you knew her you would understand. She lost everything to the Templars and I am tired of watching mages lose everything to the Templars. It ends now.” Anders says to Hawke and Hawke nods, it is about Neria.

“Falling out of love is hard, falling for betrayal's worse. Broken trust and broken hearts that is all you have left us Anders and Justice. That is your legacy to me, I do not thank you for this I deserved better.” Hawke admits and Fenris wants to gather her up into his arms, wants to present her with the still beating heart of the man that would cause her so much pain.

“Easy broody, this is her decision.” Varric puts a hand on Fenris. 

“You have to pay for what you have done, I cannot let this stand.” Hawke bites her lip the words feel like she is spitting knives.

“I know, at least it’s you, it was nice to be happy for a while.” Anders is facing away from her, he can’t face her after what he has done.

“I still love you Justice, I will always love you but know I will never forgive you.” Hawke drives the blade into Anders' back watching his body fall and going with it.

“Okay folks we need to get to the Gallows let's clear out for a moment.” Varric clears the courtyard and knows Fenris will stay.

“I'm not good at this, you killed the man who can deal with your tears and put you back together.” Fenris walks towards her.

“You would have killed him if I let him go.” Hawke wipes her tears but not moving out of the pool of blood that surrounds her.

“You know me so well I would have presented you his still beating heart in vengeance of his betrayal.”

“He did not present yours for me.” Hawke whispers and Fenris chuckles at that.

“True.” Hawke stands up and is looking back at the Estate. “He will find you Hawke, we cannot go to him right now.” 

“We have a lot of work to do, I will mourn him later.”

“No soul for you to reap?” Fenris asks and Hawke shakes her head and starts to walk catching up with the rest.

“Justice took Anders' soul when he accepted him. Justice is trapped in the fade it was an end for both of them.”

“Will you see them again?” Varric asks and Hawke doesn't answer.

“Sister?” Carver calls and Hawke turns not believing her ears.

“Carver? What are you doing here?” Hawke walks up to her brother sheathing her sword and her dagger.

“Stroud sent me to recruit actually though when I heard all the commotion I came to help you, I thought you might need me.” he says and catches a squealing and happy Merrill in his arms kissing her soundly.

“I knew you'd come back! I've missed you. You haven't been writing as much as you said you would. Are you going to not be in the Wardens anymore either? Hawke killed Anders.” Carver puts a hand over Merrill's mouth and looks to Hawke for explanation.

“Yes I need your help; I would always need you though I thought the Wardens had to stay neutral.” Hawke says.

“They do but I'm not letting anything happen to you or my friends.” Carver states and Hawke nods.

“I'll fill you in on the way kid we need to move.” Varric says and they head for the docks. 

Getting to a boat Isabella smiles and waves a hand. “Had this one handy, it’s better than trying to go through the city.” Hawke nods and boards with the rest of the group Fenris holds Isabella is loath to let her go, stays close to her and she accepts it.

“Anders caused this Maker why?” Carver asks and looks to Hawke.

“Neria wasn't killed on the tower. She was killed 9 months later giving birth to her son by Seekers. Anders was with her when it happened. Plus with the events of Bethany and Karl I think it pushed Anders over the edge. Anders wanted revenge and this was the only way he thought he could get it.” Hawke says and Fenris strokes her back tries to comfort her.

“Broody and Thigh Highs huh?” Carver asks.

“Yes, we've been together for a while Carver, let it be.” Isabella blows a kiss at him to take the sting out.

“If he sees you smiling he will posture more.” Fenris whispers in her ear and she smiles. 

When they get to the Gallows it is on fire, Templars and Mages are everywhere and chaos reigns. “Quickly quickly, get inside!” Orinso casts lightning at one Templar and sends the other one flying Hawke side steps to miss the body and sighs as the souls rush at her. Isabella and Fenris finish any of the bodies that would still be moving.

“First Enchanter!” Hawke calls attention to them.

“Champion! You survived, thank the Maker. We must.”

“Here you are.” Meredith is striding through the gates and Hawke sees Cullen next to her.

“Let us speak Meredith before this tears apart the city you claim to protect.” Orinso says walking down the steps towards them.

“I will entertain surrender, nothing more.” Meredith says and Hawke sighs. “Speak if you have something to say.” Meredith demands.

“Revoke the right of annulment Meredith before this goes too far. Imprison us if you must, search the tower if you want I will even help you but do not kill us all for an act we did not commit.” Orinso begs.

“The Grand Cleric is dead, killed by a mage the people will demand retribution and I will give it to them.” Meredith’s eyes are blazing.

“We can still prevent this before you both tear Kirkwall apart, Anders is dead by my hand.” Hawke is proud her voice does not break on the sentence.

“You heard her; it is something she has wanted all along.” Orinso indicates Meredith with a flourish of his hand.

“No matter, you will share their fate Champion.” Meredith says.

“So what will it be Meredith, shall we fight here?” Orinso approaches Meredith.

“No, go prepare your mages. You want war I shall give you war the rest of the Order are crossing the harbor.”

“This isn't over.” Orinso walks back with his mages. Hawke and company join him as he gathers his mages. “Come my fellow mages, the Templars come. We cannot defeat such an army but we will not submit. Do not fall on your knees before the Templars, they will kill you. We must survive; get out of Kirkwall spread word to the other circles. They will not get away with this.” Orinso turns to Hawke. “Prepare your people Champion, when you are ready speak with me.”

Hawke knows their chances of survival are slim, now is the time to say the things she can't later. “Here I am about to defend these mages in hopeless battle you lead me to strange places Hawke.” Fenris says and Hawke smiles.

“It's what I do best.”

“Promise me you won't die.” Fenris is cupping her chin.

“Only if you promise the same.” Hawke answers and hugs him.

“Hey you have your own hands off mine?” Hawke laughs at that and approaches the pirate.

“Promise me when you take him to stranger places you'll take me to.” Isabella begs and Hawke chuckles.

“I'll even let you take us there on your boat.”

“Captain.” Hawke goes towards Aveline.

“I won't be for long with things going the way they are. What a mess, you really put loyalty to the test you know. Donnic and Kata have kept the guards with the civilians; Meredith will have no support from them. Now all we need is some luck.”

“Starting to doubt me?” Hawke raises an eyebrow smiles in thanks about Kata.

“Never, let’s keep the damage down to a minimum; I've walked away from too many wastelands for one lifetime.” Hawke nods and goes to Carver.

“I love you sister, I know you don't say it much but you should. When this is over I have to go back to the Wardens, know that I will always be there if you need me.” Hawke smiles at this hugs her brother tight.

“Merrill, no need to cry little one we will get through this I swear.” Hawke wipes a tear away from Merrill's face and kissing the finger she wiped it with. “There now, make a wish and it shall be done.” Hawke offers and Merrill hugs her.

“I will keep you safe Hawke, you've always kept me safe and I will return the favor.” Hawke hugs her too and passes her to Carver. Varric is the last, the one person who has seen it all and spun it into a glorious tale.

“Worried Hawke?”

“My only worry is where are we going to go for the victory celebration the Hanged Man was wrecked.”

“Looters probably hit it before the fighting started; no one wants to rebel sober.” Varric winks.

“So very true, kiss for the road? Shall I make Bianca jealous?” Hawke answers the wink with one of her own at Varric.

“No, I like my heart in my chest thank you. We're not going to die so there is no reason for this. I say we get this done.” Hawke smiles and nods walking over to Orinso who faces her.

“Are you ready Champion?” Orinso asks.

“Is there truly no hope of winning this fight?” Hawke wonders.

“With you on our side maybe but even if we win more Templars will come with larger armies, we are apostates now. Our only hope lies within the other Circles on Thedas they could rise up with us against this injustice but I cannot guarantee sympathy anywhere else.”

“Then let the games begin.” Hawke nods.

“Champion it is starting.” Orinso warns and Hawke draws her blades. “Fenris, stay close to me. Isabella work with Carver and Aveline. Merrill, stay with Varric and keep the Templars contained when you can. Varric, I need you to call the shots as you see them, I will be too close to see what you can. We need to get to Meredith and kill her. That might stop this.”

“Cullen is with her.” Orinso supplies and Hawke is surprised.

“Leave him alive, I might be able to sway him to our side.” Hawke offers and Orinso nods. Then Templars are coming at them and Hawke is death on feet. It is an unfair fight with the Templars being trained to defend against magic and the mages utterly in fear for their lives. But the companions are not mages and they do not cower to the Templars. When most of the Templars are dead Orinso is able to regroup his mages.

“Why not drown us as infants? Why give us the illusion we could be safe? I refuse to keep running I won't wait for her to kill me.” Orinso is furious and it shows.

“You need to get out of here, you cannot stand against her.” Hawke pushes and Orinso is shaking his head no. “Quentin's research was too dangerous too radical but I see I have no choice. Meredith expects blood magic than I will give it to her.” He cuts himself with a knife and Hawke sighs as bodies of the fallen move towards him in a macabre dance of death and blood magic.

“Don't even go there with I told you so Fenris just don't.” Hawke draws her blades again as more Templars arrive. “Okay Templars, help me take care of him and we can fight it out later sound good?” Hawke offers as a monster arrives out of the blood and body tempest around Orinso. It's grotesque and has body parts’ dangling off it and the smell is enough to make Isabella and Hawke both gag.

“Accord.” Templar agrees and they have at Orinso.

It is a bloody fight with shades, demons, and skeletons thankfully no Revenant. Hawke notices the thing's head is detachable and jumps on the back and scales her way to the top. “I hate it when she does that.” Aveline grips.

“Least this thing is land bound.” Varric shrugs as Hawke stabs the thing in the eyes and cuts the head loose and throws the thing. Jumping clear Hawke walks over to the still screaming head and stomps on it. It pops like a grape and Hawke is gagging again. They kill the Templars and one of the remaining mages heals them along with Merrill. “We need to move, we still need to take care of Meredith.” Aveline commands and Hawke nods she is drooping with weariness and the weight of the souls she has collected.

“Hang in there Hawke we can do this.” Varric encourages and Fenris cups her face and pulls her close.

“Get to safety if you need to, I will deal with Meredith.” Hawke shakes her head no.

“That bitch is mine; this didn't have to go this way. It could have stopped; we might still be able to stop it.” Hawke hopes and Fenris shakes his head no.

“They will try to kill you Hawke, despite the missing mages they have won this fight and she swore you would share their fate.” She nods, knows he is right.

Walking into the courtyard of the Gallows Hawke is not surprised to see the rest of the Templar army there, they are woefully outnumbered. “Here we are Champion at long last.” Meredith says and Hawke bows with a flourish.

“I aim to please; I imagine I have been a thorn in your side for some time.”

“I bear you no ill will; you have done this to yourself.” Meredith shrugs and Cullen is watching them both carefully. “After what mages did to your mother I thought you would see their corruption but then you chose them and therefore have chosen to share their fate.” Meredith crosses her arms.

“Knight-Commander, I thought we agreed we were going to arrest the Champion.” Cullen frowns and Hawke smiles in speculation.

“You will do as I command Cullen.” Meredith orders and Cullen shakes his head.

“Anders did this for her Cullen; she was the spark that lite this fire and this is the vengeance you could not give her.” Hawke holds her breath at the gamble.

Cullen looks at Hawke grief in his face and resolve. “No Meredith, I defended you when Thrask started whispering you were mad but this has gone too far. I will not stand beside you while you kill innocent mages.” Cullen backs away from her.

“I will not tolerate insubordination.” Meredith yells and draws her sword.

“Andraste's dimpled butt cheeks.” Varric sighs and Meredith smiles stroking the great sword.

“You recognize it do you not? Pure lyrium taken from the Deep Roads, the dwarf charged a great deal for his prize.”

“It seems a lot more sword like than I remember.” Hawke knows Meredith is holding the idol.

“I want her head.” Meredith points her sword at Hawke and she drops to fighting stance already having her swords in her hands.

“Enough, Knight-Commander step down. This is not what the order stands for. I relieve you of your command.” Cullen yells and Meredith turns on him.

“My own Knight-Captain falling preys to the control of blood magic, you have your minds are all weak.” As she says this she is swinging her blade around and everyone is getting out of range. “But I do not need you; I will protect this city by myself.” Meredith points the blade at Hawke.

“You'll have to go through me.” Cullen offers and Hawke sighs.

“Idiot boy, just like all the others.” Meredith takes her blade and drives it into the ground its red magic spilling everywhere. “Blessed are those who stand before the corrupt. I shall not falter.” A barrier has gone up blocking the exits and Hawke faces Meredith her blades ready. “Is this how you defeated the Arishok? One on one? Or did you have help from your friends?” As Meredith says this she spins and catches Isabella with her blade, it’s not enough to kill the rouge but her throat is laid open and the rouge stumbles back away from the advancing commander.

“I did fight and lose to Arishok one on one shall we see how you do?” Hawke bows and Meredith looks at her and nods. Hawke twirls her blades and smiles. Meredith shoots a lyrium bolt at her and Hawke dodges it and the rest that come as she charges and manages to hit Meredith on the shoulder with her blades. Hawke grits her teeth at the vibrations that shoot up from the plate armor. Meredith’s plate was made for her and there are very little chinks or gaps. Thinking to back-stab Hawke tries it and finds herself sprawling from a swing of the blade. Meredith presses her advantage and Hawke rolls out of the way cursing as her throwing daggers do not hit their mark.

“She is too tired.” Aveline worries as Meredith opens up a slice along Hawke’s arm.

“I will not watch her die.” Fenris moves and Aveline stops him.

“It was her choice Fenris, this is her fight.” Hawke holds her palm out to Fenris stopping him and starts stripping off her armor. It is too heavy and no protection for the blade anyway. When she stands in tunic and pants she dips her finger in her blood and smiles.

“Well done Meredith, it’s been a while since I had a worthy fight time to make it interesting.” Hawke is moving in a blur and jams one of her knives in the back of Meredith’s knee and her other under the woman’s arm as she falls. 

“No I will not fall to you,” and she manages to catch Hawke on the edge of her blade. Hawke drops to her knees the cut to her abdomen deep. Meredith jumps back and lands on the steps.

“Maker you will help your servant I will defeat them.” Jamming her blade into the landing at the steps red magic erupts everywhere and the statues that have long stood in front of the Gallows glow and come to life.

“Easy Hawke, I’ve got you.” Kata scoops her up out of the way feeling Merrill’s magic slide over to heal the wounds.

“I take it she decided to call in reinforcements?” Hawke looks at the statues attacking the Templars and her other companions. She is putting her armor back on quickly Kata helping her.

“So it would seem.” Kata kisses her. Merrill is there along with another mage and they heal Hawke.

“Awe, Daisy, you made a friend.” Varric says and the human mage with Daisy nods.

“Tania at your service though most just call me Tia.” 

“Little rejuvenate and you’re ready to go Hawke.” Merrill smiles as she says this.

“Thank you Tia, we are glad to have you on board.” Hawke leaves with Kata. No one can get to Meredith with the massive red ball of energy surrounding her so they focus on getting the statues down.

“My blade is not really making a dent here Hawke.” She nods as Fenris says this and tries to figure something out.

“What I wouldn’t give for a force mage right now.” Hawke sees the chains around the square. “Chains, get the chains and wrap them up. Keep it entertained Fenris.” Hawke kisses Kata quickly before dashing off to get the chains. They are heavy and she is scared they will break but they might work and it’s worth a shot. These statues have four arms each and are armed with swords in each hand and are using them like scythes. Huge feet trample anything in sight. Hawke is not strong enough to move the chain; Carver, Kata, and some Templars are though and managed to get around both of the statues and start wrapping them up. Then the statues are falling and Hawke is horrified to see it’s falling onto the Gallows and hopes most of it is empty. 

“No! Maker I beg of you please do not abandon me!” Meredith screams and the red ball of energy surrounding her collapses as the statues do and she is frozen into a statue. Hawke moves to stand in front of Meredith as the rest of the Templars file in and surround her and the companions. Hawke is too tired to fight this group, hopes Cullen is still alive to see reason. 

“Champion.” Cullen calls and Hawke turns to face him hands out at her sides her weapons sheathed.

“Knight-Captain.” Hawke is not daring to breathe with this many weapons pointed at her.

“It seems Kirkwall owes you yet again.” Cullen bows before her, the rest of the Templars follow and Hawke takes a deep breath. Standing and sheathing his blade Cullen approaches. “Get your apostates out of here; we need to round up the rest of the mages. We will not harm them of that I promise but those that wish to come back to this circle can.”

“Isabella, get Merrill out of here, Tia come or stay as you like. Aveline, take Carver and see if you can settle the streets. Get the Templars to help you if you need to.”

“You know I have to arrest you, you cannot leave the city until the Chantry finishes its inquiry.” Cullen walks towards her and Hawke smiles sadly. 

“I know, I only beg you to let my companions go. I swear they will not try anything.” Hawke is blocking her companions, doesn't have the energy for another fight. 

“The people will want to make her Viscount, you can’t arrest her.” Varric argues and Hawke sees the fear in Kata’s face.

“I know but they will want her held for questioning, Chantry won’t take a chance of her leaving the city and neither will I.” Cullen nods as a Templar moves forward with manacles and puts them on her.

“One moment please?” Hawke moves to Kata and Cullen nods holding the chain from the manacles on her wrists. 

“Don’t do this Yassin, don’t surrender.” She goes on her toes and kisses him he crushes her to him surprised by her display.

“Chains were never my thing love, go with Isabella. I will find you; I will not be their martyr. Remember when I said you were done running? I apologize but it seems we are not, come with me?” He kisses her forehead and nods. “Varric, strongbox in my room false bottom on the armoire, get it to Kata. Come with us?”

“Nah, I can’t wait to see what they say.” Varric shrugs and steps away. Hawke turns and faces Cullen and nods following him to the Gallows and the cages under it.


	73. What is Left

They take all of her blades though keep them sheathed knowing some are poisoned. Taking the manacles off there are two guards posted outside her door and Hawke smiles. She will stay put for a couple of days, give Kata enough time to getaway. It’s been three days when Cullen comes to see her. “City is slowly getting under control, seems Isabella left with Merrill and Fenris. Aveline is hanging onto the Captain post and Varric is making a fortune off fake daggers that look like yours. I never thought you would actually come willingly. I have a favor to ask.”

“I have times on my hands, what can I do for you.” Hawke stays seated on the floor. 

“I need you to find her. I know Fenris was a Tevinter slave.”

“Find her? Oh you mean Neria's daughter, Cullen I don’t even know where to start. We don’t know if she is a slave or an apprentice, we don’t even know if the child is alive. Anders asked Fenris about it years ago and he told Anders she might have been sacrificed for her power.”

“No, I have found out information about her, she is called the Grey mage. She is apprenticed to the first enchanter there.”

“Why would they call her the gray mage?” Hawke asks quietly.

“She is primary creation but her second is entropy, she literally has power over life and death.” Cullen says and Hawke chuckles at that.

“Of course the Chained Mage’s daughter would hold that power oh I guess the Maker does have a sense of humor after all.” Hawke says. “Fine so you know where she is and who she is you just want her retrieved and then what? What am I going to do with a child mage? She’s what 7 or 8 by now right?” 

“Yes, she has her mother’s silver white hair and her eyes. Violet with a ring of gray, she is pure Elvin her name is Zivini. She needs to go to the Dalish, I promised.”

“We all made promises Cullen, she is in the one place where mages rule.”

“Please Hawke, it’s the only thing I can do for her.” Hawke nods and looks at the Knight-Captain.

“I will bring this child to you but then we are square. “

Cullen nods and says, “Happy Hunting Hawke.” 

Kata looks at Isabella as she orders the men to keep off the rocks and stay close to the coast. It’s been 6 months since he’s seen Hawke and he’s nervous. Two months ago they had risked docking in Kirkwall and Hawke hadn’t been there had managed to disappear out of the cell and the city with no clue where or why she went. Even Varric had been clueless though warned them a woman by the name of Cassandra Pentaghast was hunting Hawke, she was a Seeker and very intimidating now they were back again and in the Hanged Man. “What did you tell her Varric?” Fenris had asked,

“Only what she needed to know. She says she wants the Champion to help her but I doubt it.”

“Fenris?” Fenris goes stiff at the voice, debates his knife or his markings as Cullen walks towards them. “Did you have any luck?” Cullen asks expectantly and Fenris frowns.

“Luck with what?” Varric asks the Knight Commander.

“Finding the child?” Cullen says in a hushed whisper.

“What child and why would I be looking for it?” Fenris asks confused.

“I asked Hawke to find Zevia months ago, isn’t she with you?” Cullen asks not liking this at all.

“Who is Zevia?” Fenris asks crossing his arms. 

“Hang on, even I’m confused with this conversation and I do this for a living.” Varric says shaking his head. “Start over Cullen. Fenris stop glowing.” Varric orders and offers Cullen some beer.

Cullen takes the mug and drinks deeply. “Zevia is Neria’s child or chained mage or Hero of Ferelden whatever you want to call her. She’s known as the Grey Mage now and is under the apprenticeship of Justina, First Enchanter of the Tevinter circle. I asked Hawke to find her and bring her here. I thought she would use your help to get it done. We had the conversation before she escaped. I’ve been waiting and I haven’t heard anything from her in months.” Cullen finishes looking at the group incredulously.

“Cullen, I haven’t heard from or seen Hawke since you clapped her in irons and took her away.” Fenris says frowning. Kata is silent through this exchange he doesn't know how to react to this. 

“Would she try to get the child on her own?” Cullen asks and both Varric and Fenris shrug.

Carver comes in at that time and looks at Fenris and smiles, “Where is Hawke? You look good for being on a boat with Isi for so long.”

“Junior have you heard from or seen your sister since the chaos?” Varric asks.

“No, I thought she was with you or Fenris well away from here.”

“Okay so no one in this room except Cullen has seen Hawke since the day of the Tower?” Varric asks and everyone shakes their head. “She is not in the city.” Varric admits quietly. “I would know if she was, where else could she be?” Varric asks Fenris and Carver.

“Could she have gone back to Lothering?” Fenris asks and Carver shakes his head no.

“She swore she wanted nothing to do with that place anymore.” Carver says.

“Any place she ever talked about going if she got the chance?” Varric asks Kata and he shakes his head no.

“We never talked about a time when we would be free; she did not express a wish to go anywhere.” Kata admits and Varric sighs.

“Did you get her strong box open?” Varric asks Kata and he shakes his head no.

“I had no wish to open it, it’s hers.”

“Well we need answers and it’s the only thing she wanted from the house.” Varric says and they go to the ship and Kata grabs the small box and puts it on a barrel on the deck. It’s a metal box about 1 foot long, 1 foot wide and about 6 inches deep. None of them want to touch it and finally Isabella walks out on the deck and sees them.

“What’s going on?” She's looking at the box.

“It’s Hawke's, we can’t find her.” Varric answers.

“Oh so you need to open it? I can do that if you want or all you all afraid she has it rigged to blow up.” Isabella asks a little warily now.

“She said to give it to Kata.” Varric offers cautiously.

“She knew I would never open it.” 

“Well we need to find her and this is the only thing that might have answers.” Varric says. No one moves forward to open it. “Did your sister ever hide things before? Do you have any idea what might be in this box?” Varric asks Carver.

“That box is something she has had since we were kids. I know there is money and jewelry in it. Hawke was a very practical girl when it came to those things.”

“She likes jewelry?” Isabella is surprised.

“Only for its sell qualities.” Carver is smiling. “Want to make my sister’s heart go all aflutter? Take her into the woods and let her find her ingredients for poisons. Or present her with a very sensible dagger. Bethany was the jewelry and flowers girl.” Carver adds a little sadly.

“Was Hawke ever normal?” Varric asks and Carver laughs.

“Yes, there was a time when she wasn’t obsessed with her privacy and death, it was before the accident. After she made the deal she was a completely different person. I remember her running around with us in a field of flowers laughing as we played tag and she and Beth ganged up on me.” Carver instinctively tenses and looks around.

“What Junior?” Varric says.

“Now’s about the time I’d be ducking a blade or a sarcastic reminder not to talk about her when she isn’t here. It’s awkward.” Carver shivers.

“Okay the suspense is killing me.” Isabella walks forward and examines the lock and then takes a lock-pick out of her bosom making Carver’s eyes roll. “What? Girl’s got to carry the tools of her trade somewhere.” Isabella opens the lock carefully.

“She’s never been one for traps.” Carver supplies helpfully as Isabella lifts the lid with a dagger. 

“Antidotes, that makes sense.” Varric lifts out a smaller box. Papers are also inside along with the jewelry and money. Kata is surprised when Isabella hands him a journal and then another stack of them.

“She always kept a journal, mostly they are sketches.” Carver opens one of the journals and showing him a sketch of a windmill.

“She’s actually decent at this.” Isabella is impressed.

“Kata, open yours it would be her most recent.” Carver sees it doesn’t have a date on it. Opening it he is surprised to see details of his vitaar. There are no portraits of any of them though.

“She never drew people’s faces, always hands, jewelry, that sort of thing.” Carver says shrugging.

“Okay how do you read this?” Varric hands Carver the journal.

“With this of course.” Isabella holds the mirror up to the book and smiles at the entry.

“This is wrong. We should not be reading this.” Kata grabs the journals and putting them back in the box. 

“Kata, hand me the newest one and I’ll see what I can find out.” Varric offers and Kata shakes his head no.

“Varric, you’ve made enough of a mockery of my sister’s life I won’t let you see her thoughts.” Carver growls and Kata hands him the journal. “I’ll let you know what I figure out.” Carver leaves with the book.

“I will say her taste in gems is second to none. “ Varric admits admiring a ruby necklace.

“Portable and always has value, smart girl.” Isabella says as Kata closes and locks the box again. “You’re not even a little curious to read the books Kata?” Isabella asks and he shakes his head.

“No, she is who she is. If she wanted me to read them she would have handed them to me.” Kata heads below decks to store the box.

Carver works through the journal backwards. It's mostly random musings about events going on and descriptions of certain killings or souls she had to deal with. When he reads her anguish over what Fenris did Carver is furious. There are weeks, sometimes months of gap between writings but there is a theme through many pages.

Flagging one he goes back to the ship to talk to Fenris. “Any luck?” Fenris asks frowning at a book in his lap.

“I should kill you for what you did to her. How could she forgive you for that?” Carver is surprised.

“She is one of the only women I have been with since I got the markings. When they reacted like they did to her I panicked. It is no excuse to how I treated her but for what it’s worth it was torture to be that close to her and not tell her how I felt. Does she see Justice anymore?”

Carver shakes his head at Fenris question. “I don’t know her last entry was the night before. She thought Anders was hiding something but Justice was the one that was pushing Anders. Least that is what she thought.”

“Do you need more of the journals?” Fenris asks. They head over to the room with Kata in it knock.

“Enter.” Kata is sitting calm and relaxed in the middle of the floor. “I have nothing Fenris, she is a blank wall I can only tell you she is not dead.” Kata looks up at Carver as the man regards him.

“She chose you? When Varric told me about you I wasn't sure I believed him but I saw you and her together while we were fighting. I know you are Kata now but who were you before?”

“Arishok.” It is an admission not made lightly as Carver sucks in a breath.

“You offer no apologies for the lives you took, for the grief you caused.”

“Neither does your sister.” Carver smiles wryly at that.

“You have been together since you were here, since she stayed in the compound for the injury.” Arishok nods. 

“What is your task here?”

“Need more of her journals.”

He nods to the box on the bed stays where he is at on the floor. Carver riffles through them randomly opening them until he sees what he is looking for. “Do you have any idea where this is?” He shows Fenris and Kata the picture. It’s from the water view looking up at a mountain with a village below it. 

“No, you might show Isabella, she may know it.”

“Show me what?” Isabella says coming in the room.

“This, have you ever seen this harbor?” Carver shows Isabella both of the pictures and then Isabella smiles when she puts the journals together.

“Yes, it’s Antiva, ever been there?” Carver shakes his head no. “I have, not a friendly city, why would she want to go there?”

“She only says “Need answers. Both of these Journals are from when she was here in Kirkwall so I am thinking maybe Justice might have told her about this but why?” Carver asks but no one is offering answers and Carver sits down and starts reading the journal in his hand and smiles. “It’s where she can learn control, to choose.” Carver says finally.

“Why would she take off there though? She had to know we would be coming back here periodically, why no communication?” Isabella says and they all shrug.


	74. I Missed You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Smut

Hawke is looking at the port, scanning the different ships that come in and she sees Isabella and Fenris. A hand strokes her cheek from behind and Hawke rubs against it like a cat and kisses the palm. “What has your heart all aflutter? Ah the female pirate? She is something.” Hawke turns and looks at the slight woman behind her.

“Don't deny it Hawke, I can read your body like a book even if you deny me.” Maria says and Hawke smiles.

“She is a hell of a woman Maria, fantastic in the sack too.” Hawke sighs and turns back to the ship to watch Isabella. Maria pulls at her arm and Hawke spins on the beam she is perched on.

“You're leaving aren't you?” Maria asks and Hawke nods.

“You knew this was temporary, I needed to wait on my ride and it's here now. I still have things to do.” Hawke strokes the elf's face and tipping her chin up to look at her.

“I know, just with you here so long I thought maybe they wouldn't come and you'd finally be mine. You'll need to tell master, he will not be happy.” Hawke slid her gaze away at the mention of Ignacio and nods.

“You are leaving then?” Ignacio is containing his anger; he knew she was not going to stay.

“Yes, my ride is here and I have a contract elsewhere.”

“I will buy out your contract mio, don't leave me.” Hawke smiles at this, she has never liked this man. He was a means to an end that she achieved weeks ago and now she needs to leave.

“I am leaving; I will be gone in a few days. I have business to wrap up including two contracts you want done. Keep my fee if you like, I know it’s no compensation to losing me but buy a new slave with the coin. Kill it if you like while you think of me.” Hawke is walking fingers up the man's arm and whispering the last sentence into his ear suggestively.

“Such a devious mind, you would have made a splendid master.”

“None can compare to you Master, I am merely your temporary servant.” Hawke bates her eyes and bows low leaving.

Isabella is docked for three days when Hawke slips on board and scares the pirate nearly to death when she opens the door and Hawke is sitting on her desk reading papers. “Interesting you would think to cheat another man after we did so much to get you free from Castillon” Hawke offers the papers to Isabella when she closes the door and leans against it.

“I forgot what a bitch you could be Hawke.” Isabella greets with a smile. “His room is the next one over; I haven't sampled the wares if you are curious.” Isabella nods her head at the wall.

“I will see him in due time, I know you haven't touched him Isi he'd kill you if pushed. How's it been having your own ship again?” Hawke asks going through other piles of papers and smiling as Isabella fights to yank the papers away from her.

“Fantastic, everyone is frantic about you though. You couldn't have told us you were in Antiva?” Isabella finally gives in and walks over to Hawke and takes the papers away from her and shoves them into a drawer.

“I was headed back to Kirkwall in a couple of weeks; I had things here that needed to be done.” Hawke says twirling her dagger and smiling that feral smile that always set Isabella's heart to racing.

“We are pulling anchor tomorrow, headed to Tevinter. Have a shipment we need to pick up there.” 

“Mind if I tag along?” Hawke asks looking out the window and then back at Isabella.

“We could always use another blade.” Hawke nods and leaves to see Kata.

He knows it’s her on the other side of the door, would know her scent anywhere and has the door open before she even knocks. He pulls her to him and kisses her deeply molding her to him, it’s been too long and he just wants to hold her. She closes the door and is pulling at his armor as he is undoing hers. Finally naked they collapse in bed and he is kissing every inch of her growling at her. “Hawke, where have you been?” Kata is between kisses and slides fingers in and smiles as she gasps.

“Love you too, missed you too, here in Antiva learning control and making money.” Then she is pushing him under her and straddling him spearing herself on him making both of them groan. He keeps his hands on her waist as she rides then runs them up to enjoy her breasts. She wants to rush and he wants to enjoy rolls her so she is under him as he kisses her forehead rubbing hers as she tries to force him faster. “Arishok, stop teasing.” Throaty chuckle greets that and he brings her over grits his teeth to keep from being pulled over. “I thought you would be pissed I was gone for so long.”

“I am, you will pay for it but right now...Yassin, come with me.” She does her legs wrapped around him her entire body arching against his her teeth finding his mark. “Ti amo cara.”

Hawke kisses him again her hips still rolling against his is answered when his keep moving. “You remember me teaching you. I love you too dear.” She licks her mark on his neck runs nails against his chest and he knows what she wants as his words rain over her as he holds her hips still knows he is as deep as he can go keeps her cradled close says the words over and over until they are both coming apart needing this wanting to be one.


	75. Treasures

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> DONE!!! Next book is already posted. To be updated weekly!

“We are going to free a Saarebas from her prison?” Kata is having a very hard time agreeing with this.  


“She is a child that is the contract I have.” There is a tick in his jaw and Hawke is regarding him as she sprawls on the top of the cabin. She is eye level with him and Fenris walks over to them as well. “I am not excited about this prospect either but it has been put in motion and it will happen.”  


“I apologize for putting you in danger Fenris, it wasn’t my plan but Alistair is right and it does work.”  


Fenris nods, “I am familiar with the tower, I am familiar with the power plays I will accomplish this task.”  


“We are not keeping the Saarebas?” Kata is still not okay with this.  


“No we are dropping her at the Dalish camp.”  


“If this goes wrong.”  


Hawke shakes her head no. “It will be okay.”  


Zivini runs as fast as she can down the hall hair streaming back behind her as she concentrates on putting one foot in front of the other. Several kids are behind her laughing as they chase her and Zivini tosses a smile over her shoulder and then runs into something very solid. Bouncing off the object Zivini is reaching for her magic and manages to create a nice bed of grass for her to land on. “Found you!” Fenris says sending all the mages to squealing and heading the other way. 

He retains his stance though and helps Zivini up. “No fair Fen!” Zivini knows he used his markings to catch them quicker. 

“No one ever said I had to play fair, not with your ability to use magic on me.” Fenris laughs as Zivini tries to hold him with roots.

“Zivini!” The roots suddenly become brittle with death and Fenris removes himself quickly. 

“Magistrate Justina.” Fenris is on his knee out of respect instantly.

“Ser Fenris, I thought you would be training the Templars, not playing nursemaid to apprentices.”

“I am between sessions, thought to get to know who we protect a little better.” Fenris says looking at the ground and then remembering he is equal and looking up at her.

“Zivini, Magister Guise needs you in the laboratory, you will do as he asks this time Zivini, and we must all serve the greater good.” Fenris notes the trembling of Zivini, the way she hides her hand behind her back from the mage and the way she shakes her head.

“I will not, he hurts me and he has no right to use my blood. I am a healer; he should be able to stand on his own magic.” Justina’s strike is surprising in its swiftness though Fenris notes Zivini knew it was coming and had braced for it.

“You will do as I ask child or I will be forced to hurt.”

“No, fine I will go. Can Fenris escort me?” Justina narrows her eyes at the request but nods.

“I will escort the child and return to my duties” Fenris says and salutes the mage walking away to follow Zivini.

“Zivini, do not cry darling it makes you weak and you must be strong.” Fenris says quietly. Zivini looks over her shoulder at Fenris and nods. “Do you want me to collect you after my next session?” Fenris asks and Zivini shakes her head no.

“I will not be done here for many hours if not days depending on what Guise has in mind.”

“If you could leave, would you?” Fenris asks and Zivini spins to look at him and puts a finger to her mouth shaking her head.

“You must never ask a mages that Fenris, it will get you in more trouble than it is worth”

“The question stands Zivini.” Fenris is looking at the little mage.

“Yes, Maker help me yes. I would leave this place and never return. I would travel the land and heal it if I could it cries for me. I cannot though and you are cruel to offer it to me.” Zivini walks into the laboratory.

Guise holds his hand out to Zivini and she places her palm in it and winces as the blade draws across her skin and blood wells up. Guise starts to faintly glow and Zivini starts to swoon as the mage pulls magic from her. Neither notice Fenris slip in until he has ripped the heart out of Guise and eases the mage to the floor. Zivini blinks up at Fenris owlishly and then looks down at Guise and Fenris thinks she might scream or faint. “Hush, come with me if you want to live or stay here and face the punishment of this.”

Zivini considers her choices. “Others will suffer if I leave, Justina will hurt them.”

“She would hurt them regardless Zivini, I can only take you out of here I cannot save anyone else. It is a hard lesson to have others suffer for you but in this case they must. I must get you out of here and I promise you will like where I take you. It will be a great adventure. Come with me?” Zivini nods and Fenris leads her quickly through the halls staying to the shadows and getting the grate open. Picking her up he slides into the grate locking it behind him, it is a fearful climb trying to hang onto her and keep from sliding down the tunnel to the floor below. 

Making it down the tunnel he quickly starts running with her and only stops when they have reached the entrance to the sewers. “We need to get to the docks and onto a ship there. We are near the slums, I need you to stay here and quiet for a moment while I find us a disguise.” Zivini nods and Fenris disappears for a moment coming back with robes for them both and a hood for her. Putting it on they take the time to walk through the market and get them both something to eat. It is when they are enjoying a sweet that Hawke appears on the roof in front of Fenris and he nods.

Getting to the docks with Hawke as an escort they get to the boat without incident. “So this is the tiny treasure.” Isabella comments when the child is on the boat and they are in her cabin.

“I am Zivini Tellas, level 6 creation primary and level 5 entropy secondary.” She presents her wrists as she says this and Hawke scowls at the brands there, one a tree with the T in the middle surrounded with three circles and the skull on the other with the circles.

“When were you branded?” Fenris asks curious.

“Three weeks ago, on my 9th birthday, it’s customary after a harrowing.” Zivini does not understand the problem.

“Did you destroy?” Hawke asks and Fenris nods his head before she continues.

“Her leash and any other blood they had of her are gone; they cannot use it against her.”Fenris admits and Hawke breathes a sigh of relief.

“She looks just like him, same chin same stubborn set of jaw too she has to be his.” Isabella tilts her head and Zivini looks at her.

“Who do I look like?”

“Your father child, you look like your father. I'd wager you belong to Zevran Ariani.” Isabella admits.

“You knew my father? Did you know my mother? They used to say my mother died giving birth to me then they claimed I was the daughter of Neria Tellas the Hero of Ferelden.” 

“I did not know either though I do know Neria Tellas is indeed your mother.” Hawke smiles and tries to soothe the child. “Isabella is very familiar with your father if Zevran is indeed him.”

“What did they tell you about the Chained Mage?” Fenris asks curious.

“She was a level 7 primal mage; she had to be chained to move as all primals should.”

“Then why are you trembling?” Fenris asks kneeling down to her level and she goes to him willingly hugging him and seeking comfort.

“All children of primals are chained; they can’t take the chance of them being primal too. They tried to chain me, I was scared.” Zivini says hiding her face in Fenris’ chest.

“Magic doesn’t work that way Zivini, there is no way to predict what kind of magic anyone will have. Are any of your friends primals?” Fenris asks and she nods tears falling down her cheeks.

“He will be hurt because I left, it’s not his fault but they will hurt him anyways.” None of the adults say anything to this; none of them know what to say.

“Can you help him?” Zivini asks and Fenris is touched by the trust in those violet gray eyes though he shakes his head no.

”l wish I could, I wish could save him but if I do I might get hurt, we do not have the means to handle a primal mage either.” Fenris is anguished when this brings a full set of tears and heartbreak. “Parshaara! Why do females cry on me? I am not good at this, Hawke?” Fenris asks sitting on the floor and keeping Zivini close.

“You’re doing fine Fen, Isabella are we ready to leave?” Isabella nods and goes to get the ship underway. Finally Zivini is cried out and Fenris moves her to his and Isabella’s room and disentangles himself from the sleeping child. “For a man who hates mages you seem to be incredibly good with them.” Isabella admits when they are away from the cabin.

“She is innocent; they were using her for blood magic. I know we weren’t ready but I had to get her out of there. This is the part that sucks though; I have to go back Isi. I cannot have them suspecting me, they will hunt me again if they do or worse they will take out their anger on Alistair.” Isabella shakes her head and kisses him.

“Be careful Fen, if they suspect it is you, if they take you I cannot get you out of here.”

Fenris nods though and goes back into the room with Zivini. “Darling, I have to go back to the tower. You are going to stay with Hawke okay?” Zivini’s eyes go wide and Isabella is afraid of another bout of tears. “I will join you in a couple of months; I promise it will feel like no time at all.” Fenris says and Zivini bites her lip and nods.

“Swear it.” She says fiercely holding out her hand to him.

Fenris nods and takes the little hand seriously; “neither blood nor magic shall keep me from your side Zivini.”

“I promise to use neither to harm you when you return.” Fenris nods and gets up to leave knowing Zivini is going to cry. When Isabella joins him back in the hallway again she smiles.

“Interesting.”

“It was something she made up for her and her friends. I thought it interesting and joined in on it.” Fenris admits and kisses her again before getting off the ship.

“Zivini and Guise are gone.” Justina strides over to the courtyard where Fenris is running the Templars through drills.

“Do you wish for me to hunt them?” Fenris asks his usual cold persona in place.

“No, my guards will find him and her though both of their phylacteries are smashed. You were the last one to see both of them.”

“I never saw Guise, I escorted Zivini to the door and left.” Fenris is not lying, Justina would know and instead asks, “How much longer will you be here?”

“I will be here two months Magister, just long enough to greet King Alistair and return with him.” Justina nods and leaves.

Zivini sulks for Fenris for the first few days but the open ocean and the teasing of the pirates has her wrapping the men around her finger. She spends the mornings with Isabella learning cartography and letters while Hawke teaches her history and numbers. Even Kata eventually melts under the little one’s magic. Hawke spars with the men and Isabella, Zivini comes in handy to heal all the hurts. “Would you like to learn alchemy?” Hawke asks Zivini one day while she is mixing poisons. 

“Why would I need to I can heal.”

“True, but sometimes you are out of mana or there are too many hurt. That is when potions come in handy; you can also sell them for coin.” Hawke says tipping a poison into a bottle and smiling as the liquid doesn’t spill despite the rocking of the boat.

“Then I would like to learn this skill.” Zivini says and Hawke bites her lip at the seriousness of the child. “I would also like to learn blades.” Zivini suddenly says and Hawke nearly drops the bottle she is pouring into.

“Why?” Hawke asks curious.

“I do not like to rely on others to protect me, I am without my Templars, and Fenris told me not to trust them. He is a Templar though so why wouldn’t I trust them?”

“Fenris is not a Templar Ziv, he is a warrior, he agreed to teach the Templars but he is not one.”

“Oh.” Zivini says and looks hurt.

“What?” Hawke asks seeing the war on her features; she wonders if Neria was this much of an open book knows crows would not be.

“I was told to only trust Templars and our teachers, Fenris lied to me.” Hawke frowns at this.

“Did he ever tell you he was a Templar?” Hawke asks and smiles as Zivini seems to rewind all her interactions with Fenris and then shakes her head no.

“Then he did not lie to you, others yes but never you.”

“Kata is a bit scary, he does not trust me. You love him?” Hawke smiles at this question given so fiercely.

“Yes, I love him very much. He is mine and I am his.”

“Then many blessings on you both.” She says touching Hawke on the forehead and glowing slightly with green magic. When she is done Hawke gasps.

“Maker but you are powerful.” Hawke says shaking her head.

“I am indeed and I will heal the land, Fenris promised me to take me where I could do that.” Hawke nods.

“We will be joining the royal fleet in a couple of days and you will see Fenris again.” Hawke says and Zivini dances happily around the room.

Alistair docks in Tevinter and takes the hand of his son and smiles at the crowd gathered. Teagan and Leliana are with him, Elissa is back at home halfway through her second pregnancy. He is greeted by Justina and a few other Magisters and sees Fenris near the Magister. “I take it the training went well?” Alistair asks and Fenris smiles his wolfish grin and moves to Alistair’s entourage. 

“It did. May I present First Enchantress Justina of the Tevinter Circle, Grand Cleric Adonis, and Knight Commander Clayton.” Fenris introduces each one to the King and smiles as Justina is squirming at the fact Fenris has taken control of this interaction.

“A pleasure to meet you all, this is my son Prince Duncan and my Adviser Bann Teagan” Alistair never introduces Leliana; she serves her best purpose not being introduced. 

“Archon Yaris asks you attend him at your earliest convenience a short man says dressed in the Archon’s colors and Alistair nods.

“I look forward to my visit with him, Duncan and I may accompany you now if you like.” Alistair says and the man nods. Alistair’s guard detaches and stays with their king, Fenris paces at this side blending smoothly in with the group.

Finally back in his rooms Alistair sighs as his squire helps him out of the armor and he sits down pulling Duncan onto his lap and smiling. “Did you have fun today?” Duncan is a perfect mix of his parents, his hair a shocking red while his eyes the same shape and color of his fathers.

“I did, it was nice to play with the Archon’s children. Are we going to visit the Tower while we are here?” Duncan asks and Alistair nods his head.

“Yes but you will not be able to leave my side while we are there. You must be very careful who you talk to and what you say, these mages are not like the ones in Ferelden.” Duncan nods and then jumps off his lap when Fenris comes in.

“Your majesty, if you please I have a report.”

“Speak.”

“She is already gone, plans went faster than expected and we will meet her later.” Fenris is vague on purpose and Alistair nods. He is eager to get this visit done, wants to be home with Elissa as soon as possible.

When they meet up with Isabella on an Island Alistair keeps Duncan close. When they step on the sand Alistair is thankful for his choice of boots and a loose tunic. When he sees the grassy oasis and feels the magic he is bracing himself. “It’s not Neria Alistair; she is not a primal mage.” Leliana comes up behind him and places a hand on his back. When he sees the hair it is a physical blow to his gut and he stops again.

“Who is that father?” Duncan asks pointing at the girl who has her back to them, her hair streams out in the same curls as Neria’s she is dressed in a tunic and short pants her feet bare as she stands in the grass and places a hand on the grass allowing a tree to sprout. “She is a mage.” Duncan says stopping and looking at his father.

“Yes, her name is?” Alistair asks Fenris and he supplies Zivini, allowing his voice to carry. Zivini spins and lets out a shout of glee racing across the sand and throwing herself into his arms.

“Fenris! You came back! Are you okay?” A hundred other questions rain down on Fenris and he smiles and puts a hand over her mouth to stop them.

“Zivini, this is King Alistair, Prince Duncan. Alistair knew your mother and your father as well.” Zivini cocks her head to look at Alistair and the look is so reminiscent of Neria Alistair turns away at the intensity.

“You’re a mage.” Duncan says when Fenris puts Zivini down and he really looks at her.

“Yes and you are a prince.” Zivini bows to him. Alistair watches it and both he and Leliana burst into laughter.

“What?” Zivini asks looking at them confused.

“Your mother never curtsied either.” Leliana says tears in her eyes.

“What is that and why would I do it?” Zivini asks and Leliana blinks back more tears. “Can you tell me about my mother?” Zivini looks at Alistair with this question and he shakes his head no.

“Allow me Zivini, I am a bard and most would call me a good storyteller. I can also tell you Duncan if you like very embarrassing stories about your father if you like?” Leliana wiggles her fingers at the two and Duncan takes the hand but Zivini stays where she is at looking at Fenris.

“I am not going anywhere Ziv, go and learn your heritage.” Zivini moves off but keeps an eye on Fenris. 

“She seems very attached to you.” Alistair takes a seat under the tree provided and smiling as Isabella hands him food.

“She is they were using her as a soulabi.” Fenris admits and Alistair shakes his head. “They use her blood to fuel their spells.” Fenris explains and Alistair narrows his eyes.

“She’s a creation mage, what is her secondary?”

“She’s 6th level creation and entropy; they call her the gray mage since she literally has power over life and death. She is marked.” Hawke is leaning against the tree her eyes constantly scanning for danger even as her fingers are twined with Kata’s.

“Any idea where Zevran is?” Alistair asks Isabella and the pirate shakes her head no.

“He was with the Dalish by Kirkwall but that was four years ago, I have no idea where he is now.” Isabella shrugs and Alistair nods.

“He’s still traveling with them then, take her to the Kirkwall group they can get Zivini where she needs to go.” Alistair stands to leave.

“No Alistair, Your Majesty rather.” Hawke calls and Alistair turns to her. “You made this promise to Neria, not me; you take her to the Dalish.”

“You forget your place Champion.” Alistair is furious his words carry calling Leliana and the children attention.

Leliana is there in a moment the children with her. “What is wrong Alistair?”

“Let’s eat, we can discuss this afterwards.” Isabella tries to soothe and it works for the moment. Once the children are done Hawke hands Zivini one of her daggers and starts sparring with the girl. When Duncan draws his short sword to join Alistair is up and to them in moments.

“Duncan, careful.”

“No worries your Highness, I would never harm Duncan.” Zivini says solemnly and it breaks Alistair’s heart. Hawke sets the children to sparring with each other and then tells Zivini to make herself a staff. Zivini scrunches her face in concentration and the staff appears in the soil. Picking it up she twirls it a little and smiles when Duncan asks for a wooden sword. “Of course my prince.” Zivini makes him one and hands it to him. Soon they are racing all over the little island playing pirates and Hawke is smiling with them. Alistair asks his guards to watch the children while Hawke comes back over to finish their discussion.

“Alistair, I told Cullen I would find her and bring her to you. I did not say I would get her to the Dalish, I have no clout to get them to take her.” Hawke crosses her arms not giving an inch.

“Neria is dead; you swore you would take her child to the Dalish Alistair.” Leliana says as Alistair is shaking his head no. 

“I can’t, I just can’t.”

“Walk with me your highness?’ Hawke suddenly stands up and walks down the beach. Alistair looks at Fenris who shrugs his shoulders and follows. “Fen.” Hawke admonishes and Fenris shakes his head no.

“I will have it all; I will not work in the dark with her. She means too much.” Fenris admits and Hawke sighs.

“I know about the second child Alistair.” Hawke states without preamble and Alistair stops in his tracks and Hawke walks in front of him and stops. “Anders told me before it all went south, told me everything. I even know whose child that second one was.”

“I have killed men for that knowledge” Alistair says and Hawke smiles.

“So have I. I am not an enemy here Alistair. Zivini is a debt, a debt I would like settled between Cullen and me. You still have debt for that child, I am sorry for your issues with Neria but her daughter should not pay them.” Hawke watches as Duncan and Zivini race over the sand one of the guards chasing them laughing. 

“I will come with you, if the Dalish refuse her I will keep her.” Fenris says and Hawke gasps.

“Fen.”

“Hawke, I won’t discuss this.” Hawke nods and crosses her arms.

“Fine.” Hawke agrees and Alistair nods.

“I accept this agreement.”

“Don’t I get a say?” Zivini says and all of them spin to see the child holding her staff, Duncan standing with her. 

“What would you like to do?” Fenris asks his face an unreadable mask.

“Can I meet the Dalish and make my decision? If I stay with them will that mean I can’t see you or Duncan anymore?”

“All futures are uncertain, as a dealer in death and life you know that Zivini.” Fenris says and Zivini chews her lip in concentration.

“What would you advise Prince Duncan?” Zivini looks at him expectantly.

“All mages are supposed to be in the tower, my father is risking a lot to have you out. I would advise your return to the tower.” Duncan watches as his friends face crumples.

“Please no, please don’t take me back.” She is on her knees her arms forward her head bowed. It is a familiar pose and it is a kick to the gut of Alistair to have her daughter submit to his son.

“No, do not submit to him Zivini, never ever submit.” Fenris shakes his head no and Duncan is looking at his father for help. “You are no one’s slave Zivini, you do not ever submit.” Zivini nods her tears still going down her face.

“He would send me back to the tower, Fenris. I don’t want to go back please don’t send me back. I will go to the Dalish I promise I will be good.” She is hysterical and Fenris scoops her up his marking reacting to her magic as well as her emotions.

“Zivi, I didn’t mean to I’m sorry” Duncan calls as Alistair holds him there and keeps him from following Fenris.

Duncan looks at his father, “Why would she be afraid of the tower father? I thought that is where mages are supposed to be.”

“Zivini was hurt by other mages in the Tower Duncan, she can’t go back, and that is why she is here. That and a promise your father made, you know how important it is to keep your promises.” Hawke says and Duncan nods at her. Alistair is still quiet, not daring to speak. “Alistair, Tevinter has a primal mage, I am not sure if that matters or not but I thought you should now.” Hawke adds and the king looks at her breaking his gaze from Fenris.

“How old, what level and male or female?” Alistair asks woodenly.

“Same age as Ziv, level 4 and male they used him as a control for her.” Alistair looks back to Fenris again. 

“She fears other mages more than she fears Templars, oh the irony.” Hawke looks at him about to ask when he shakes his head. Fenris and Zivini finally rejoin them and she is done crying though keeps her hand on Fenris’ wrist. It keeps his hands free and Alistair shakes his head as he sees she also stays just far enough in front of him to take cover behind a shield if Fenris was holding one. “What do you do if we are attacked?” Alistair asks her and she looks up at him.

“Find my Templar and keep him safe at all costs. He will shield me and keep me safe from all harm; no mage should ever be without a Templar.”

“Who is your Templar?” Duncan asks and Zivini smiles and points at Fenris.

“Though Hawke says he’s not really a Templar, I don’t have one.” Zivini says shaking her head. 

“I was trained as a Templar Zivini. When I traveled with your mom I was one of her Templars.” Alistair is trying to be civil.

“She had more than one?” Zivini asks incredulously.

“When she was at the tower she had 9, then as she got older she got to only have 3, then it was just me and one other, Ser Cullen. He’s a Knight Commander now.” Alistair finishes smiling slightly at the child.

“Oh, Duncan are you going to be a Templar?” Zivini asks looking at Duncan.

“I will gladly protect you from any mages if you need it Zivi.”

“Thank you. Want some sweets? Isabella has some on the ship.” Duncan nods and Zivini looks to Fenris, he nods and Leliana takes them to the ship the guard following behind them.

“Your Majesty? We need to leave soon the tide is going out in a couple of hours.” A man says and Alistair nods.

“Tell Isabella you are ready to go, we’ll get her to the Dalish and Isabella’s ship can go where it likes.” Alistair is turning around and leaving.

“You sure about this?” Hawke asks and Fenris nods and pulls Isabella to him kissing her. “We’ve already discussed it.”

“She makes me think about settling down, of children of my own. We’ve never talked about it Isabella, do you want children? Do you want a home?”

“Let’s get Zivi figured out and we will have a discussion bout little Fenris’ and tiny Isabella’s.” She admits and Fenris nods, she is not ready and he knows the stalling tactic for what it is.

As they sail Zivini makes her way to the other ship, Alistair is busy dealing with messages and Duncan shows them the rest of the huge boat. All of them meet in the galley for dinner and Hawke marvels at the king eating along with the crew joking and laughing as if they are equals. A few of the crew ask if Hawke would mind making some potions for them and she nods smiling at Zivi when she offers to help.

It takes three weeks to get back to Kirkwall and Isabella, Fenris, Kata, Hawke and Zivini sneak off the ship hidden among the crew as Alistair has an official welcome with Duncan. Hawke takes them to the estate and leaves to tell Varric they are in town. Fenris sets Zivi up in the estate and they set to making the house livable for the moment. “Set her up in Carver’s room, it’s cleaned out now you two can stay in this room. Unless you’d prefer to stay at the Hanged Man?” Kata offers. 

“No, not a proper place for a kid.” Fenris shakes his head no. 

“If I promise not to grow an extra head can you show me where the kitchen is I am hungry.” Isabella laughs at that question from Zivini to Kata. 

“You cannot grow an extra head.” Kata informs her scowls a bit.

“Do Qunari not have children?” Zivini asks as the man continues to glower at her. 

“Yes, Tamassrans raise them though we are raised in big groups like your tower and taught what we need to know. Our paths are decided at 12 unless you are Saarebas, that shows up later.” 

“What happens if you are Saarebas?” 

Kata shakes his head no, “Not for you to know if you do learn what they do you will be thankful for the control for the one that walks with you on the path.” 

“I want to be strong enough to walk alone like Hawke.” 

Fenris frowns at this, “She does not walk alone, she has us.” 

Zivini tilts her head at them, “You are not alone because she walks with you but she is alone and will always be.”

“Hawke?” Varric is surprised to find her sitting on his bed of the Hanged man.

“Varric, how are you?” She kisses his forehead and hugs him close.

“Better now that I know you are alive.”

“I have lots to tell short amount of time, you first.” Hawke lounges on the bed.

“Did you find the group and the child?” Varric asks and Hawke narrows her eyes. “Hawke, Cullen came looking for you months ago, no one knew where you went. Carver told Rivani, Kata and Fenris Antiva and they left. No more messages have come and Cullen was getting frantic.”

“Tell me about the Seekers.” Hawke counters and Varric sighs and shakes his head.

“Told her what I could at the time, she left months ago frustrated.” 

“I need more than that Varric, why do they want me?” Hawke asks shaking her head.

“Chantry is falling apart, more and more circles are rebelling and more and more Templars are revolting as well. It’s all falling apart thanks to Blondie and she wants to use you as a symbol to bring it all back together again.”

“Varric, I can’t. I am so tired of being used, pulled, pushed and molded. I just want peace for a few years. I just want a moment to grieve.” Hawke says and Varric is surprised by the admission. 

“If anyone deserves it you would. How long are you here?”

“Long enough to settle debts then Kata and I are hiding and not coming out for a while.”

“Happy Hunting Hawke.”

“Stay to the light.” Hawke answers walking out her next stop is the gallows and she takes the secret entrance and uses the shadows to get to Cullen’s office.

“Hawke.” Cullen starts when she appears in the room.

“Come to the estate when you can Cullen, she is there if you want to meet her.” Cullen smiles at this.

“Thank you.” Cullen says and Hawke leaves.

Cullen meets Hawke at the estate and she lets him in and smiles as Zivini comes running down the stairs to see her. “Hawke!” Hawke scoops her up smiling as she smells of her soaps and is that fresh clean only kids can get. Her hair is tamed into a braid and Cullen is stunned at how much she looks like Neria bouncing down the steps towards him.

“Zevia?” Cullen asks and Zivini shakes her head.

“No, my name is Zivini, who are you?” She is hiding behind Hawke and Cullen sees Fenris coming down the stairs at a more sedate pace though the fact he is armed is not lost on Cullen.

“I am Ser Cullen, Knight Commander of Kirkwall Circle.”

“Mamma’s Templar.” Zivini breathes and walks towards him.

“I was.” Cullen confirms kneeling down to her height.

“King Alistair said you loved her very much.” Zivini touches his face and wiping away the tear that slides down his cheek.

“I did, I loved your mother more than anyone else.” Cullen admits and Zivini nods.

“Tell me about her?” Zivini asks and Cullen nods.

“What do you want to know?” Cullen asks getting up and taking her to the library.

“What was she like as a kid? Did she like the tower? Is it true you put chains on her?” Cullen spends hours telling Zivini about her mother as a child, how she made a blizzard in the nursery. How she set fire to everyone’s midterm papers so none of her classmates would fail. He tells her about the earrings he had made for Neria when she was the same age Zivini is now. When she starts yawning Cullen pulls a book and reads it to her as she curls up on him. Soon she is sleepy and Cullen carries her to bed. “Thank you Ser Cullen, mamma was an amazing woman.”

“Yes she was and you will be just as amazing.” Cullen kisses her forehead and walks to where Fenris and Hawke stand at the door.

“Thank you Hawke, thank you for this.” Cullen leaves.

Keeper Ahira greets them when they arrive. She is blonde and much more firm in her beliefs of Shems staying away from Dalish than Marathari was. “Anish ataran Little Keeper, it is finally time for you to join us.” Ahira says curtsying low to Zivini. Zivini looks to Fenris and Hawke for guidance. Kata had stayed away from this had chosen to get the house livable that is not lost on her. Isabella is there somewhere between joy and sadness on her face.

“You knew she was coming?” Hawke asks surprised and is greeted with the gentle tinkle of a laugh.

“Yes, we have awaited her for years. Hers is a promise made between Dalish and her mother who suffered so much.” Zivini is still hanging onto Fenris' wrists when a few children come shyly to meet her.

“Go if you like Zivini, learn about this tribe you must decide your fate.” Fenris says and Zivini walks off with the children.

“What will be her life if she stays?” Hawke asks curious.

“She will be trained to be a Keeper; her connection to the land is obvious. She will be trained to walk the paths and heal the land if she can tolerate it.” She is interrupted as a commotion causes the village to celebrate. “Ah, Zevran is here most fortuitous.” Ahira waves Zevran over.

“Champion? Here to take me up on my offer?” Zevran smiles as he bows and smiles bigger when Fenris narrows his eyes at him. Realizes there are more than just Hawke and Alistair there sees Leliana as well.

“No, here to bring your daughter to you as promised.” Alistair says and Zevran straightens up slowly. He is in shock, surely they jest.

“Zevia is here?” Zevran asks looking for the child.

“Yes though her name is Zivini.” Fenris admits carefully.

“Fenris? What's wrong?” Zivini is there instantly looking up at Fenris fear in her eyes.

“Nothing, I would like to present your father Zevran Ariani.” Fenris gestures and Isabella puts a hand on his back in comfort.

“Cara mia, I am happy to finally meet you.” Zevran is trying not to cry. Trying to come to terms with the fact not only is she alive but she is here. “Alistair, all of you thank you. I do not have the right words.” Zevran is kneeling down as Zivini traces his hand with her finger and wipes his tears away.

“Why am I the cause of so many tears?” Zivini asks looking to Fenris for answers.

“Since the moment you were born we have been trying to get to you. Your father, I and Ser Cullen all made a promise to bring you to the Dalish. We have tried so hard to do that Zivini, it has taken us so long and now we've done it it’s a bit much to be honest.” Alistair admits smiling.

“I will stay with the Dalish Fenris, the land needs me. Mamma made a promise and I will keep it.” Zivini says looking at him.

“Your mother would be proud of you Zivini.” Alistair says nodding his head.

“I'll come visit you when I can.” Duncan is hugging her and she is hugging him as well.

“Remember what I taught you Zivi, poisons and potions can come in handy and so can a good blade.” Hawke hugs and kisses the child.

“Be safe Hawke and Happy Hunting.” Zivini says smiling.

“Keep to the light.” Hawke answers it automatically.

“I'm sorry my mamma hurt you King Alistair, know that I am thankful for your help.” She bows to him and looks at Fenris finally.

“Fenris.” She is crying and he is on his knees pulling her to him.

“Isabella and I will see you again neither blood nor magic will keep us from you.”

“I promise to use neither to harm you when you return.” Zivini kisses his forehead and steps back putting her hand on Zevran's wrist and her other on Ahira's.

“Teach me.” Zivini says and walks away with them. 

“Now what?” Fenris asks as they get back to the estate.

“Now we get back on a ship and head where we want.” Isabella smiles as Fenris kisses her watches as Hawke strolls over to Aveline and Kata. “We’ll be back later Hawke.” 

“How are you Aveline?” Hawke sits on the edge of the couch is pulled onto Kata’s lap smiles when he rubs against her. “Better now that you are back. Maybe I can get a little rest as you sort out the nobles.”

“Right now I want some food. Then I need to figure out a plan.” 

“I can come back later but it will be the same message, you should become viscount.” Aveline admits.

“Seekers.” Hawke says and Aveline shakes her head, “With you as Viscount they wouldn’t be able to touch you. You once told me you wanted to go into politics, the city will hand the position to you just take it.” Aveline adds.

Hawke looks at Kata. “Hiding in plain sight with enough power to give them pause? You have done it for years; it is nothing different than what you already do. I agree with Aveline’s plan.” Kata is nodding.

“Will they accept my attachment to you?” Hawke asks and sees Kata’s shrug at that. 

“No, they won’t.” Aveline admits sadly. Hawke puts a finger to Kata’s lips when he would say something.

“Let’s see if the city will accept me Qunari mate and all. If they don’t we go hide somewhere else. If they do, you get to be my body guard.” Hawke puts her hand behind her back stroking Kata’s chest.

“Aveline, come back later.” Kata scoops Hawke up and carries her to the bedroom. On the ship with his frame there hadn’t been room to spread out and he desperately wants to taste her. Boots are stripped from her, pants land near where they need to be armor lands on the stand both of them taking the time to make sure it’s not damaged before hands are back on each other licks and nips that drive each other crazy as he smells her. “You are in heat, Aveline is breeding, Isabella wants to do you?” Tongue dives deep causing any thought of conversation out of her head as Hawke rubs his as her hips buck and he is crawling over her body pressing his hips into hers but keeping her pinned as he looks into her eyes. 

“That contract does not exist anymore Arishok.” 

“True but do you want children?” Hawke looks away from the look on his face, this discussion now reminds her too much of the one she had with Sten. “Sten.” When he would leave her she wraps her legs around him lets him go when she realizes she was about to soothe him like she does did Sten she reminds her mind. Hands push at his chest but he’s not moving and she retreats by turning her face and torso away from him and it’s deep breaths to calm down and she is losing the fight against the memories. There is no anger for him, nothing for him to latch onto just grief it’s as if someone has taken her and dropped her in the ocean and she is drowning. Connected to her he’s pulled under as well gets off of her and sits on the bed. 

She’s curled up in a ball and he wishes she would speak but she can’t and he places a hand on her ankle isn’t surprised when she kicks out at him. Taking a moment to center himself he lays down and wraps her up, where she is standing in a hurricane the emotions and memory hitting her like debris he is the eye of the storm the calm and his calm soothes her. She’s not caught in the massive decisions of their lives she’s caught in the little memories the way the rising sun made his eyes glow, the way he glistened after his run the way he smiled when she poured his tea talking about the nobles she had to deal with. It’s the way he growled at her when she would lay hands on the Karasaad or tease her for going light with him when he’d been trounced by Karasten, granted he’d been distracted by the play of light over her bare stomach and legs as she’d helped carry wash to the tubs with several other viddathari women. 

As she lays with the man she loves now she tries to breathe to examine her feelings on the matter of children. Does she want children does she want his children does she want them now? “Do you know anything of children? I know you don’t raise them, have you ever seen a pregnant woman?” 

“Yassin was carrying when I was in Par-Vollen she was a warrior woman like you.” 

“She was viddathari?” She turns to face him as he keeps his hand on her waist. 

“She was one of our women, matriarch bloodlines beautiful horns. She could pick up blades and attack us so we thought her male with female parts not a big deal. She was a Sten shortly her battle prowess was amazing board and sword user she caught Arishok’s attention. It was a bloody battle on the coast of Tevinter and after the fight was done she was asked to his tent. She exited Yassin, bore him 7 children total she was not allowed to pick her blades back up she didn’t want to.” 

“Did you know her well?” 

“I did, she moved among the men much like you did though she was never allowed to fight or even spar with them, Arishok couldn’t tolerate the men touching her.” 

“He would not allow her on the field pregnant.” Hawke frowns. 

“No, she was contained to Par-Vollen only they were separated months sometimes a year at a time but by the time he died Arishok was not taking the field and hadn’t in years.” 

“Is that always how it happens? Arishok is challenged until he loses?” 

“Yes, it has to be done that way only the strongest can lead the Antaam we cannot tolerate weakness.” 

“If I had been in Par-Vollen when you were disgraced what would have happened to me?” 

“New Arishok could claim you or request you to leave as well. They could have also unbonded us and you would have been Ben-Hassrath wouldn’t even remember I existed.” 

Hand to face kissing him, “I would not forget you Kata, I am yours I am here.” She reassures him with hands, voice, body for all he has lost everything he has he will always have her. “Let me get back to you on the children thing. I am just not sure.” His nod of assent is something she can deal with. He is the most patient person she has ever met. 

As they make their way to the Dalish camp Hawke is nervous. Zivini’s group had picked up stakes shortly after she arrived and then barely got back this day. Ahira had sent a message to the estate requesting Hawke to come immediately. “Inishateran Hawke.” Ahira greets when they are shown into the camp.

“Your note said urgent, how can I be of service to the clan?” Hawke takes the offered seat with Fenris behind her. He and Isabella are about to sail out but he'd agreed to come with her to see Zivini.

“Fenris!” Zivini is racing towards them and Hawke notices the daggers at her sides, the bladed staff on her back. Neither things a 10 year old should have. Zevran is not with her and Hawke raises an eyebrow at that. Fenris wraps Zivini up and when Zivini has greeted Hawke takes her off to talk with her.

“You see my problem.” Ahira says and Hawke nods. “She is a passionate, serious child. She takes both parts of her duty very serious but she is training like we are going to war at any time. I am having dreams of something horrible that is going to happen as well. This peace is not to last.”

“Then let her train, I was not much older than her when I killed my first man. If there is something coming than she should be exactly what she is a judge. She has the power of life and death; train her as much as you can for both.” Hawke says seriously.

“You are right, I will accept her nature I just worry the darkness,"

“Will swallow the light? Make sure it does not Keeper.” Ashira nods and Fenris walks back over with Zivini.

“Spar?” Fenris asks Zivini and she nods. They pace apart and Zivini takes off her staff while Fenris takes off his blade. Fenris tests her defenses with a couple of swings then smiles as she comes at him like a little tornado. She is no match for Fenris but then she takes off the daggers and is a marvel.

“Zevran is teaching her?” Hawke asks watching the familiar patterns of the crows.

“Yes, they train every night he is here.” Ahira says smiling sadly.

“Then let her, she will need it.” Hawke says and smiles.

She’d been right behind him but now he can’t smell her, can’t see her and in the chaos like a piece of parchment in the flames she is gone. They didn’t have a contingent plan for this; there wasn’t someplace she was to meet him there was nothing he could do. He’d not expected the Templars to turn on Hawke, he’d not thought the nobles would either but between the two of them she had been ousted and branded a traitor to her city and her faith. No one pointed at him and said he was the problem but he knew, when it had been obvious she was never going to marry one of the nobles they had disliked her, when she’d instilled order and worked with Aveline to clean up the corruption they’d hated her, when the new Knight Commander after Cullen had gone mad they’d tried to kill her. Stirred into a mad frenzy Aveline is helpless to stop in her very pregnant state Kata demands they flee. She’d refused until they had lit the estate on fire and marched against her. 

“You won’t believe shit is crazy here. Corypheus is still alive! You have to come talk to the inquisitor.” Varric had said and Hawke had agreed. Remembering that he heads for the Inquisition.


End file.
